Dash It All
by chezchuckles
Summary: A 'Dash Away' sequel.
1. Chapter 1

**Dash It All**

* * *

><p>A <strong>Dash Away<strong> sequel dedicated to every single person who reviewed that story, asked for more, and didn't want it to end - even at chapter 100. Think we can do it again?

* * *

><p>Kate grabs the random underwear off the floor and shoves it into the bag over her shoulder, checking for more scattered items. This isn't efficient packing, but it wasn't her job. It was his.<p>

"Castle!"

He yells back from upstairs, so she drops the bag at the foot and heads up.

"Hey, have you seen the phone charger?"

"Kate, seriously?"

"I know, I know," she grumbles, coming around the corner and into the hallway. "I left everything in a pile in your study though, and I was hoping-"

"Don't look at me," he says, coming out of Dash's room with a handful of neatly folded laundry. "That was your job, babe."

"Don't babe me," she retorts, leaning in to brush a kiss across his forehead.

"New heels?" The hand at her waist grips hard.

"All day," she smiles, lifting an eyebrow.

"Sexy. And a little intimidating. Sooo tall."

"Ran down a guy from the fire escape, too."

He lifts appreciative eyebrows at that and heads back into Dash's room, dumping the clothes into an open suitcase, as she leans against the doorjamb. "We'll be ready to go in like. . .thirty?" he asks.

"Thirty minutes? No way. I have to find the phone charger. And then pack the rest of it."

"Ask the little one. Always hiding stuff."

Kate sighs and glances in at Dash's room.

"In there?"

"No. And Dash is in the bathroom making himself look good, he says."

She laughs, holding a hand to her mouth so the sound won't carry to her son. "Oh, he's a Castle all right."

"He might be a Rodgers," Castle says mournfully.

Kate quirks her lips and changes direction for the closed bathroom door. Over her shoulder she asks, "Did Alexis-"

He sighs. "No. She'll fly down later though."

"Oh good, at least she'll have a few days with us."

He nods and heads back into Dash's room to finish packing the kids' stuff.

Kate taps on the bathroom door and pushes it open. Dashiell is at the sink using his comb and water to tame his hair, which is her color but Castle's consistency. Dash has a tongue sticking out as he concentrates, all four year old intensity.

"So. What little girl told you that your hair didn't look good?" she asks, bumping her hip into his shoulder.

"Mommy!" He scowls at her in the mirror, then turns to look at her. "No girl."

"Then what are you doing, little man?"

"Making it lay down!" He growls at his reflection in the mirror, all dark eyes, dark hair, glittering with indignant force of will.

Kate can't help herself; she brushes a hand through his hair and spikes it up, undoing all his hard work, grinning at him.

"Mommy!" he protests, pushing her hand out of the way.

"Looks better like that," she comments, leaning over to envelop him in a hug, kissing his cheek with a smack.

"Ew, gross, girl germs."

"Girls have germs?"

"Of course," he scoffs. "Cooties. Duh."

_Duh? _She pulls a hurt look and slumps back; Dash immediately turns around and hugs her around the waist. "But not mommies. Mommies don't have germs."

Kate laughs to let him know she was teasing him, then unlatches his arms from her waist. "Are you packed, handsome?"

"I'm handsome?"

Kate lifts him up onto the bathroom counter, letting him sit before her, his swinging legs kicking the cabinets underneath. "Of course. Isn't your Daddy handsome?"

"Ew, I don't know." He shrugs at her while she runs her hands through his hair, flicking the water out, letting it stand up straight on top, trying to tame the cowlick.

"Well, he is. So that means you are too."

"What happens when Daddy isn't handsome anymore?"

Kate laughs. "Well, buddy, we're all in trouble-"

"Hey, I heard that!" Castle rounds the doorway with a scowl. "Where's Ted?"

Dash shrugs. "Dunno."

"Dash," Kate admonishes, tugging him off the counter and setting him on his feet. "Be polite. And go look for your bear. Handsome Daddy is trying to help you pack."

Dash reaches up to feel his hair, takes another quick look in the bathroom mirror, then scampers off.

Castle leans in to check his own reflection, which makes Kate laugh at him, sliding her arms around his neck. "Don't worry, Daddy. Still handsome."

"Now I'm gonna be paranoid-"

"Oh yeah, cause the second you lose those looks, I'm outta here. Forget the money, the loft, the cars, the books, the kids-"

Rick catches her ear with his teeth, making her stumble to a halt. She closes her eyes, presses up against him.

"Missed you," he says.

"Always," she murmurs back.

Castle takes a kiss, quick and dirty, leaving her breathless, and breaks away. "Thirty minutes, Kate. Have to get to the airport on time."

She grips the sink behind her to steady herself, tries to catch her breath. Airport. Right. Gotta go.

* * *

><p>Kate hunts through the basket of miscellaneous electronics, finding mostly her son's toys, video game controllers, and old play cell phones. No charger. She drops the basket next to the upstairs television – a small sigh escaping her lips as she glances around what used to be the guestroom and now has been commandeered by the boys for a game room (sadly) – and heads for the other room.<p>

To be honest, this room makes her sad too. Alexis spends less and less time coming home.

Which is fine. Sure it is. But Kate's supposed to be a young mom, not an empty nester, and it feels worse than it should when Alexis doesn't come home for spring break or Thanksgiving. Or maybe it's going to feel like this when her littlest don't come home either.

Ug, she hopes not. Practice makes perfect, right?

Kate opens the bedroom door and glances inside. It's still bright, the sheer curtains pulled against the blinds but not blocking any light. She can see a little foot sticking out from under the bed.

Here's the likely culprit.

Kate gets on her knees and tugs on the foot, getting a giggle for her efforts.

"Come on, baby. Cough it up."

The foot disappears under the bed with a swirl of bedskirt. Kate sits down, her legs out in front of her, hoping her shoes will catch some attention.

"I wore the shoes you helped me pick out," she starts.

Sure enough, the little girl crawls out, dust bunnies caught in her hair, her eyes on her mother's shoes.

Kate wiggles her feet, letting the sunlight catch the shiny maroon leather of her high heels. "Still like them?"

The girl nods softly, brushes her dark hair back out of her eyes with both hands. Her cheeks have little apples of color just under her blue eyes.

"Daddy and I are packing up for our trip."

She plants herself next to her mother, mimicking Kate's position, glancing upward.

"Do you know that there were some things in the study we needed? Cords and stuff? Not videogames. Not toys."

The little girl nods back, looking solemn, uses her hands again to slide the thick locks of dark hair out of her eyes. Kate leans over and uses her fingers like a barette, holding it back. The brilliant blue eyes look back at her. Rick's eyes, except. . .less playful, more intense.

"Did you take one of the cords, _svraka_?"

The girl nods softly, then turns around and crawls back under the bed. Little magpie. She collects everything, moves things to other places, finds little holes to put things in. She started it as a baby, hiding the pacifier.

Kate still finds newborn pacifiers every other month or so. They bought packages and packages of them, which is crazy, because how many places can a newborn reach?

The little girl crawls back out, a cord in one hand, the charger bumping along the floor behind her like a pet. Kate wonders if that's it, if the phone charger looked like a puppy to play with. The girl loves doggies.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Kate takes the charger and wraps the cord around it, then glances around the room the girl shares with Alexis. Her toddler bookcase stands next to Alexis's six foot one, most of the storybooks pulled down and paged through on the floor. The two twin beds are both messy, because the girl sleeps in one at night and the other for naptime. "Has Daddy packed all your clothes?"

She shrugs, points at the dresser. Kate gets up and tugs open the top drawer, finds most of the underwear and socks are gone, as well as all the swim suits. "Looks like he has. Wanna come downstairs with me?"

The girl bounces to her feet, flinging herself at Kate's legs to be picked up.

"Words, baby."

Kate waits, looking down at the little girl, watching the mulish look come over her face. Her blue eyes, usually so clear, always expressive, glitter hard like sapphires. Kate would laugh at her expression, but it's just not funny anymore.

"You can walk then." Kate pries the two year old off her legs and heads for the door, the charger in the pocket of her dress slacks.

Just when she passes the threshold, she hears it.

"No." Quiet but definite. Insistent. Proud.

Kate lets a grin escape before she turns around, face composed again. "No?"

The girl digs her bare toes into the carpet and scrapes her hair back again. (They need to get it cut, Kate thinks.)

A breath. "Uppie."

The fist in Kate's chest eases and she drops to her knees, holds her arms out for her daughter.

Ellery runs to her, squeezing tightly around her mother's neck, legs coming up to wrap around Kate's ribs.

"Hey beautiful girl, been waiting to hear that." Kate stands up, catching her balance with a hand at the doorframe as her heels throw her off - taller than she remembered - and then she turns for the stairs.

"I've got Ella," she calls over her shoulder towards the room where Castle disappeared.

And then, in a soft and rarely heard voice, her daughter says with a sigh. "Got Ella."

Kate squeezes her harder, kisses her cheek, and unlatches the baby gate. "Mommy's always got you."

Ellery snuggles against her mother's chest and wriggles for a good position.

"Hey, little worm. You get to help Mommy pack, okay?"

Her answer this time is a nod against her neck, then the wet, ticklish raspberry of a secretive but silly two year old.


	2. Chapter 2

Usually packing with a two year old would be impossible. Packing with Dash at two? Never would've happened. But Ellery sits in the middle of the bed with a picture book, a ratty stuffed dog, and watches her mother.

Kate had a system in mind about three weeks, when she first started thinking about this, but she's had absolutely no down time. When she gets home, she does home, and she tries not to let other things get in the way.

So now she's got to pack for an eight day vacation in the space of thirty minutes. She pulls out the first things at hand from the dresser, a few tshirts, shorts, workout clothes, a pair of jeans, shorts. All in the suitcase next to Castle's stuff. His, of course, is neatly folded and tucked just right.

Oh, underwear. She almost forgot.

She's got twenty minutes. They are never going to make it.

"Kate!"

"What!" she bellows back, rolling her eyes at Ella and getting a small smile in return, like they share a secret. She loves those blue eyes peering back at her from the fringe of dark hair.

"Where're the carseats?"

The carseats. "Sh-"

Kate claps a hand over her mouth and muffles the curse, then heads for the bedroom door only to collide with Castle. He yelps; she shakes out her elbow with a wince. Funny bone. She reaches out and soothes the red mark on his neck where she got him.

"I forgot. Lanie'll be here any minute and I forgot-"

He surveys the wreckage of their closet and squeezes her hand, pulling it away from his neck as he swallows. "Okay. Uh. Can you just pack my shower stuff with yours? and I'll get the carseats out."

"Bless you," she exclaims and kisses his cheek. "Go, go."

"Yeah."

Castle leaves and Kate turns back for the bathroom, grabbing his travel kit from the linen closet and doing a quick check to make sure everything's there. Then she grabs hers, tosses in her razor and various meds, oh wait, tweezers and nail clippers, a file, maybe that pale mint green polish?

No time, no time for that.

Kate shoves the bags into the outside pocket of their suitcase, slaps a hand to her head and goes back for his electric razor.

Kate hunts for her swimsuit, doesn't find it, abandons that search to throw things into the suitcase as she remembers them. Hopelessly unorganized, Kate just starts adding shoes, underwear! (almost forgot again), makeup.

Ellery crawls forward and takes a shoe out of the bag, puts it on over her bare feet, grinning. Kate reaches for it, but her phone rings. The somber Imperial Death March which usually signals a body has dropped.

"Kate!" Castle bellows at her from the hall, clearly put out.

"It's just Lanie," she yells back and answers her phone.

"Hey girl. I'm on my way, but I got Javi with me."

Castle stalks into the bedroom with that murderous glint in his eyes. She chucks a shoe at him, which he catches, tosses it back into the suitcase. Kate gestures towards where Ellery has the other shoe, and he reclaims that one as well, adds it to the collection. But he's still staring her down, a warning.

"Lanie, that's too many people. We've got the carseats; we won't fit-"

"I've got an autopsy, covering for Purl."

Her radar goes up instinctively. "Purlmutter got called out?"

"Yeah, fished a body out of the Lake, Central Park, right as you left. Barely missed it, you lucky dog."

"Oh, is-"

Castle yanks the phone out of her hand. "Lanie. For my own peace of mind, no shop talk."

Kate snatches it back, but doesn't ask any more questions. "Lanie?"

"Ooh, am I getting you in trouble?"

"Not funny." She can hear Esposito laughing too.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll take the subway into the office from your loft, and Javi's gonna drive you guys to the airport. Plus he can help load the truck."

Oh, nice, Esposito's SUV. Much better. "Thanks, Lanie. Look, I gotta pack and Castle is giving me a death stare-"

"Yeah, yeah, you gotta kiss and make up. See you in five."

Kate thumbs off her phone and shoves at Castle, not hard, but he catches her wrist and quirks an eyebrow.

"Getting slow. No more bodies, Kate. You promised."

"I wasn't gonna-"

"I saw the look on your face. You took a call this morning too, even though you *knew* we were leaving today-"

"And I closed that case today too, *and* did the paperwork before I left."

"Which is why we now have fifteen minutes and you're not even finished packing." Castle glares at her, drops her wrist to stalk out of the room.

From the corner of her eye, Kate catches sight of their daughter, so still, so quiet, and her anger melts away with guilt. Damn. Ellery sees everything.

"Castle," she calls out to his retreating back. She sees him hesitate. "Castle." Her own warning. _Get your ass back in here_ is unspoken, but she know he hears it.

He sighs and turns back around. "I gotta get their bags ready for the plane, Kate." Part apology.

No. Not today. "Come here."

He glances back down the hallway and then heads for her. "Your idea, you know. Taking a commercial flight. I told you-"

She stops his whining with a kiss, wrapping herself around him, prying him open like a starfish on a clam. Kate feels the moment he relaxes and gives up, melding with her, stroking her jaw with his fingers, hungry and a little desperate.

They pause to breathe, still close, and she feels the pound of her heart under her skin, feels the echo of it under his.

"I thought you'd be here an hour ago, help me get everything ready."

"I know," she says gently. "I thought, when you said you had it under control, that it meant I could close the case out, take the last hour to get it off my desk."

"Under control was kinda a euphemism for please come home soon so you can help me make it."

She sighs. "I should've realized. I'm trying."

"I know," he sighs. "Forget packing. We'll buy you whatever you need when we get there."

"Wasteful-"

"Lay off, Kate," he says with a half-amused grumble. At least there's humor there, where it was irritation before. "We're going on vacation."

The front door's buzzer sounds and they withdraw to their corners, each a little breathless. Kate reaches out and brushes a hand over his neck, tries to keep this feeling.

"I'll help you with the kids?"

He nods but captures her hand to kiss her fingers. "It's fine. I'll get the door."

Kate turns back to the bed but doesn't see it, tries to reassemble herself but with less somehow. Less armor, less Beckett, less detective. She's supposed to be going on vacation.

From the hall, she hears the door open, Lanie and Esposito greeting Castle, teasing him.

"It's Tio!" Castle yells down the hall, and Kate hears Dash thumping down the stairs. Ellery pops up from the bed too, arms raised for her mother, no trace of the fight on her face. Because Kate feels guilty, she picks her up wordlessly and carries her into the living room.

"And what am I, Castle, chopped liver?" Lanie is saying, eyeing him.

"And Tia. Sorry, sorry," Castle corrects.

Esposito is high-fiving Dash, but he turns when he sees Ellery. "Oh, chiquita, my little Suri," he grumbles, reaching his arms out for the baby.

Kate hands her over so she can hug Lanie tightly, but shoots Esposito a glare. "She's not Suri Cruise. Stop calling her that. No wonder the kid never talks; she has no idea what her name is."

"She does too," Espo shoots back, squeezing on Ellery and then handing her over to Castle so he can pay attention to an impatient Dash. "Don't you, Suri. You know exactly who you are."

Ella giggles but makes no comment, one way or another.

Kate releases Lanie, grumbling at her now. "Thanks for contracting the job out," she murmurs.

"You get reamed for being a workaholic?" Esposito says, his arms now filled with four year old boy. He's grinning at her.

"Shut up," she shoots back, aiming another glare at him. Esposito has taken the big brother role on with a vengeance lately. Lanie says he's angling for her good graces, trying to sweeten her up before he asks for one of his own.

Dash is wriggling to get down. "Tio, Tio, come see my new T-Rex!"

"Hey hombre, I gotta help pack up the truck. You're going on vacation."

"T-Rex!"

"Truck," Esposito growls back, bending over to grab for Dash around the middle, picking him up, and throwing him over his shoulder.

"T-Rex!" Dash giggles, kicking his feet.

Castle ducks to avoid flailing limbs and heads for the kitchen with Ella. "I've got to get their snacks out. Kate, the bags for the plane?"

"Right. Got it." Bags for the plane? She casts a half-panicked look to her son, and Dash laughs at her, squirms out of Tio's grip.

"Stuff to do, Daddy said. Like my video games." Dash grabs her hand and leads her towards the stairs. "Come on, Momma."

Kate throws a glance over her shoulder at her friends and shrugs. "We'll dump everything in the foyer?"

"That works," Esposito says. "We'll start packing the truck."

Kate follows her son up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Rick drops Ella into the chair at the bar, where she sits like a good girl and watches him. He digs a coloring book and crayons out of the junk drawer, hands them over to her, and begins assembling snacks for the week.<p>

Kate was supposed to have done this last night; that was their deal. But it didn't get done because she got home at nine and wanted to play with the kids, both of whom were up way past their bedtimes. How could he say no to that? And *he* didn't want to be left out on the fun while he made snacks.

So he's doing it now, and hoping they can find stuff when they get to the condo. Problem is, South Padre is an island off the coast of Texas, and he's not sure they have a Wal-Mart or even a grocery store on the island. Do they?

Kate would've been the one to research that stuff, download maps, make reservations. But Kate's been clearing cases right and left to get her inbox down, and she's missed who knows how many dinners the past few weeks. Castle just doesn't do vacations like that, the planning and thinking ahead, but he has to admit, it went smoother a few years ago when she did all the organizing.

"Daddy."

Castle glances up in surprise, sees Ella at the bar stool, glancing mournfully across the countertop at a crayon that has rolled away. Her chin rests on her arms on top of the counter, like a pose, her long lashes brushing her cheek. And well, it's true: she looks like Suri Cruise did at that age. A few months ago, a tabloid printed a picture of Ellery at the zoo, peering through the bars, and ran it side-by-side with a similar photo of the Cruise kid at about the same age, remarking on the look-alike. Castle was frustrated that a picture of his two year old daughter had showed up in the tabloid, but Kate was angry about the comparison, go figure.

Ellery is still sighing after her far-flung crayon. Dashiell, at two, would've crawled onto the counter to get it, knocking his chair over in the process of course, and then tried to dive headfirst off the side.

"What a good girl for getting my attention," he praises, reaching for the crayon and rolling it back to her across the counter. She giggles and gives him that brilliant, happy look, pushing her hair back with a hand. "Daddy's getting snacks for the plane. You want animal crackers or wheat chips?"

She waits, hands behind her back, in her classic mute pose. The hands behind the back thing used to be cute, like she's not giving away any secrets, but lately it's gotten disquieting. Kate's wondered aloud to him if maybe they need to put her in speech therapy, but Ella talks when it's necessary. And she talks clearly.

Castle holds up the box of wheat thins in one hand, which Dash dubbed wheat chips when he was two, and the box of animal crackers in the other. Ellery grins widely at him, as if rewarding him, and points to the box of wheat thins.

"Mommy will be so proud," he mutters, and puts the wheat thins in the travel bag. He adds the grapes even though he only rinsed them off, never washed them, (they'll be fine, it'll be fine), and roots around in the pantry for inspiration.

Cheerios. They love those. Kate won't freak out at the sugar content. He takes the bag out of the box and rubberbands it, then adds it to the rest of the kids' snacks. He then dumps a couple of sippy cups and a few empty camelbak water bottles into the travel bag. All set for now. It will have to do.

He swings the bag onto his shoulder and lifts Ellery into his arms. She grabs for her picture and he brings it too, hoping to add it to her backpack for the plane. "Let's find Momma."

In the hallway, he dumps the bag of snacks and meets Lanie coming in. She takes a bag of toys he packed in one hand and shoves on his shoulder. "Wanna give me the girl while you do the heavy lifting?"

"No way," he grins. "She *is* the heavy lifting. You might strain something."

"I'll strain something-"

"Castle!"

That sounds like panic, and he heads for the bottom of the stairs, clutching Ellery tighter. But Kate comes to the top of the stairs with Dash trailing after her, looking unharmed.

"My iPad! Will you put it in something? I have to bring that; I downloaded all those books."

Oh. . .damn it. He forgot all about *their* toys. "Yeah, I've got to bring my laptop too," he admits.

She meets his eyes. Even Dash knows what that means, and the boy doesn't look pleased. But Kate's been at work until late these last few weeks and he promised her years ago that he wouldn't get too behind on his deadlines. They can't afford it - time-wise - so it means he's got to do some catching up on their vacation.

"All right," she says slowly. "Will you get my iPad then? And some earbuds. Oh, and I have that paperback on the bedside-"

"I got it covered. You got their stuff?"

"I need Ella to come tell me what she wants."

Castle drops Ella over the baby gate and watches her steady climb up the stairs, one foot over the other. It seems like only a few weeks ago she was still butt-scooting backwards.

At the top, Kate leans over and picks her up, but Dash comes down dragging his backpack behind him.

"Daddy, I wanna help Tio with the car and show him something."

"You aren't allowed to bring T-Rex," Castle immediately says, knowing exactly where that's going.

Kate laughs. "I told him you'd say the same," she calls out as she heads down the hall.

Dash stops in the middle of the stairs and glares at the space his mother occupied at the top, then turns and glares at his father. "I wanna show Tio my T-Rex!"

"Dashiell Hammett-"

"No!" He yells and jerks his backpack around, slinging it down the stairs, and then clenches his hands into little fists. "That's not funny. Don't call me that!"

Castle feels that twitch in his hands but suppresses the urge. He calls Dash that because of course he knows it irritates the boy, and really, how mature is that? Which one of them is the parent? "I hope you didn't have your video game in that bag."

Dashiell's fit dissipates as quickly as it came, horrified concern etching its way across his face. "Daddy," he breathes and runs down the stairs.

"Son, I told you-"

"Oh, Daddy, no-"

He lets Dash pick up the backpack first, yank open the zippers. The kid's hands are practically trembling at the thought that his handheld video game might be broken.

Castle knows it's probably fine, but maybe this will check the hothead next time. Beside him, he can hear Lanie snorting under her breath.

"Oh, there's still hope," Dash crows, pulling out his player with reverent hands. It's in one piece at least. The boy turns it on and waits, looking as if he's walking over hot coals as the device powers up. The telltale chime has Dashiell slumping back into the step with relief, a hand over his eyes. "It's a miracle!"

Castle shakes his head but Lanie bursts out laughing, perhaps because she is unused to Dashiell's daily dramatic displays. Castle simply thumbs the power off and puts the game back into the boy's backpack. Looks like Kate put his blanket and bear on either side of it for protection, smart woman.

"Dashiell, you wanna go help Tio, you can, little wild man," Lanie says, holding her hand out. "But Daddy's right. No time for the T-Rex."

"Mommy won't even let me bring it on the plane," he moans.

Castle puts the backpack over the boy's shoulders, squeezing in both fondness and irritation, and Dash takes Lanie's hand. "Buddy, that's because Uncle Kevin is nuts and bought you a four foot dinosaur."

That roars. So not cool, Uncle Kevin.


	3. Chapter 3

Lanie grabs Kate's arm as she heads back towards her room, searching for Ella's missing stuffed Totoro. Kate gestures for Lanie to follow and they step through the doorway.

"What's up, Doc?" she asks distractedly, glancing through the messy bedcovers for the rabbit-troll-thing.

"Oh jeez, woman, you gotta stop picking up your man's terrible habits," Lanie groans.

Kate smirks and lifts the pillows, still looking. "When Castle comes up with that one, don't tell him I beat him to it. He's gonna be so disappointed."

"No he ain't. He's gonna be thrilled that he's rubbed off on you."

Kate runs her hands under the sheets to the end of the bed. "So what's on your mind, Lanie? I can spare you like five minutes."

"Yeah, see, that fits in really well with what I want to talk to you about. Time. Wanted to see if you planned on scaling it back any." Lanie stands in the doorway of the bedroom, watching Kate search.

She glances over her shoulder to her friend, her instincts on alert. "Scale what back? Time?"

"Work."

Kate runs her hands under the bed and finds the stuffed beast, pulling it out.

"Oh, jeez, what is that? A demented rabbit?" Lanie heads over and plucks it out of Kate's hands.

"It's a. . .wood troll?"

"A what?" Lanie turns it around in her hands, studying it. The Totoro plush is a dirty grey from Ella's love, but the wide grin, the fat and round body, and the rabbit ears give it a strange look.

Kate recognizes Lanie's absorption as a stall tactic, and also as a way to give Kate a chance to come up with an answer. Only, she's still not sure what this is about.

"Totoro is a wood troll. It's a Japanese cartoon that Ella loves. You know Castle." Kate grabs it back, feeling strangely defensive of her daughter's choice in lovies. Maybe it's just a carry-over from Lanie's earlier comment. "And work. Why do you care how much I work?"

"I care," Lanie exaggerates, lifting an eyebrow. "Because you happen to work with my man. You do realize that on the nights you get to come home early, he and Ryan don't?"

"Lanie, we take turns. There are plenty of nights I don't come home early."

"See, here's the thing," Lanie starts, grabbing the Totoro doll back. "You set the tone for these guys. They follow your lead. If you stay at the precinct until 9 o'clock regularly, then they feel they have to-"

"They do not. I've told them-"

"Listen for a second. Listen to what I'm saying. It's a mood. It's a feeling in the air. They know that when they work for you, they work hard, and they get their man. And they like that. But guess which ones - of the three of you - are begging off early to get home to their kids?"

Kate stands before her friend feeling hollowed out. "Me and Ryan."

"You have a great team, Kate. You guys tag team the late nights, so that you get to go home early every once in awhile. It's you and Javi when Ryan has to get home, or it's Ryan and Javi when you need to be home. And that's great, that should work, except Esposito is always there. My man doesn't ever get home early."

Her throat closes up. "Lanie-"

"Kate, I'm only saying this for one reason."

Kate can't think, can't process. She was in the middle of packing for a vacation and now this?

"That man wants children so badly, Kate. But I won't stand for it unless I know one of us is gonna be there. One of us has to be there, Kate. You've got Castle to be there. And Ryan has Jenny. But me and Javier? Who we got? Who is gonna stay home with the kid when the body drops at 3 a.m.?"

Kate wraps her arms around Lanie, shaken to her core, and hugs her hard. "I didn't think. I didn't even think about it. I knew you wanted kids and I couldn't understand why you kept telling Espo no. I am so sorry-"

Lanie is hugging her back, just as tightly, and Kate feels her shake a little. "No. Don't apologize. Just make it work."

"I will, Lanie. I'll figure it out." But even as she makes that promise, she doesn't know how she'll do it. She hasn't managed to find that perfect balance with her own family either.

She still spends too many nights in front of a murderboard, still gets up at three in the morning to catch a body on a day Rick has to meet with his publisher. She hugs Lanie harder and prays she can do something about this.

"We're squashing the little troll," Lanie laughs with a choked sigh.

Kate pulls back and takes the Totoro animal from the crook of Lanie's arm, watching her friend's face carefully. "You know I'm gonna do everything I can to work this out. You really want kids with Esposito, then we'll figure this out, Lanie."

Her friend nods, uses the edge of her finger to carefully dab at a tear, leaving her makeup intact. "We will. I don't wanna ruin your vacation, girl. So get. Pack the troll."

Kate hugs the doll against her chest and bites her lower lip. "We'll do better, Lanie."

"Go," Lanie urges, rolling her eyes and tugging Kate towards the door.

* * *

><p>Castle takes both kids upstairs to quickly change them into pajamas; their hope is that, with the lateness of their travel, the kids will fall asleep on the direct flight to Brownsville, Texas. So when they rent the car and take the causeway to South Padre Island, the kids will be groggy enough to sleep the rest of the night through.<p>

Dressing takes only a few minutes, despite Dashiell talking a mile a minute about his dinosaur as Castle pushes him towards his room. He leaves the boy to it, heads into his daughter's room to help her. Ella is a breeze; she patiently stands as still as a life-sized doll while Castle tugs on her striped pajama pants and the long-sleeved pajama tshirt. When her head comes through the top, she gives him an eye-crinkling smile and wriggles her arms through the sleeves.

"How's that, Ella? It's your favorite pjs."

Ella puts both hands on her chest and glances down at the caricature of a Milk Carton holding hands with a Chocolate Chip cookie. She looks back up at her father and wraps her arms around his neck.

"You're welcome." He laughs and picks her up, then covers her ear with his hand and yells for Dash.

The boy comes out of his room wearing his plaid pajama pants and his stego-soars tshirt. Appropriate because the design depicts a dinosaur with strap-on airplane wings and little dinosaurs riding on top, ready for flight.

Rick chuckles and swoops down to pick Dash up too, heading for the staircase. "Great choice, my man."

Downstairs, Rick drops the kids into their bar stools, jerking Dash back down on his butt as he tries to stand.

"On your sitter, Dash." Lanie is making them sandwiches already, so Rick pours milk into a sippy cup and a big kid glass, puts them in front of the two kids.

"I got this, if you wanna help Kate finish packing."

Rick gives her a grimace. "Yeah...good idea."

He waits until Lanie's got Ellery and Dash both eating their really late dinner, before he hunts his wife down in the bedroom. Esposito has gone to move the SUV out of the loading zone in front of Castle's building and then strap in the carseats.

They've got eight minutes before they need to hit the road. And Castle has an idea.

He finds her in the back hall, shoving Tortoro into Ella's bag. He takes the bag from her and zips it up, drops it at his feet.

"What?" she says, brushing a hand through her hair to get it off her face. She looks just like Ellery when she does that.

"You gonna change?" He nudges at her shoes with his boot, checks her out not so subtly.

A look flashes over her face, part sudden arousal, part irritation; she sighs. "Yes. Damn."

Castle lifts his fingers to the back of her neck, watching her, and then he leans in to kiss her softly. "Want some help getting you out o those clothes?"

She laughs, but she moves her mouth back to his. "Castle, we're leaving in-"

"We've got eight minutes. Kids are eating."

He feels her hand at his back, and he starts moving them down the hallway towards their bedroom; she's nibbling at his jaw, her arms wrapped around him. She's not laughing now.

She breaks off to help him unbutton her shirt. "Eight minutes enough time?"

"Enough for me. Enough for you?" he murmurs, lightly sucking on her pulse, letting her get her own shirt.

"Ever since your text this morning, I've been halfway there all on my own-"

He growls against her neck and pushes her back, managing only to make them both stumble into the doorframe. She kicks her foot out to help propel them back, and they fall across the threshold into their bedroom.

Castle turns, bringing her with him and up against the door as she makes fists in his shirt, pulling it out of his waistband. Suddenly she stiffens, pushing at him, and he rocks back, surprised.

"Castle. Did you get Dash's birthday presents?" she hisses, her fingers tight on his hipbones.

"Yeah. They're packed."

"Oh, thank you." She lunges forward and glances a kiss off his cheek (not at all what he was going for). "I forgot. Entirely forgot. You found the cake stuff?"

"Yup, got that too. I also grabbed the kids' Halloween costumes. I figure there's got to be some kind of trunk or treat thing, right?"

"Good idea." Kate brushes her hand across his neck, their bodies still close, hearts pounding together. Then she hums a sly smile at him, darting her eyes to his, knowing and teasing at the same time. "You packed your costume too, didn't you?"

"Which one?"

"All of them?" Kate nearly giggles on her guess. Sooo close to a giggle. He loves it when she giggles.

"And one for you."

"Not gonna happen," she whispers, her mouth grazing his ear.

"You never know. Vacation spirit might take you."

Her lips hover over his. "You have the plane tickets?"

"On the credit card. We get to do the automated check-in."

"What about the condo's confirmation letter?"

"In my laptop bag." Castle leans against her, his weight pushing her back to the door, ready to go. "Why? Are you worried?"

She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not worried. It's just crazy around here. A little rushed."

"And now we're down to six minutes." Castle reaches for the buttons on her pants, his chest flush with hers. "Wanna be *pressed* for time?"

Her eyes grow dark. "Hurry," she whispers, and starts helping him again.

Ah, partners.

* * *

><p>There's something about bringing a man to his knees that gives her ego a huge boost, puts a stupid grin on her face.<p>

Kate, now in jeans and a white v-neck shirt, her jacket under her arm, heads into the kitchen to help gather up the kids. Castle is taking the last of the bags downstairs to Esposito's SUV with the intent to double-check that he installed the carseats correctly.

"Okay kiddos, are we ready to fly?"

Dashiell stands up in his chair and raises both hands with a whoop; Ellery grins around her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Kate grabs the back of Dash's shirt, unwilling to start a fight with her stubborn and wild son, hanging on to him as he celebrates. She grins at Ellery. "_Da_ me too."

Ella darts her eyes towards the hallway and Kate nods.

"I found Toto in my room. Don't worry; he's packed."

Ellery raises her eyebrows, gives Kate that slow, clever smile. The _I love you Mommy_ smile. Almost as wonderful as hearing it.

"All right. Clean up. Say thank you to Tia for making your dinner."

Dashiell bounces on his toes in his chair; Kate clutches tighter. "Thank you, thank you, Tia! Are you coming with us to the island?"

"No darling, not this time."

"But I want you to come too." Dashiell puts a knee up on the counter, straining against Kate, and Lanie holds her hands out to him. Kate lets go, lets him knee-walk over to his aunt.

Lanie picks him up, squeezes him tight, and puts his feet to the floor. "When you guys go to the Hamptons for Christmas, we're coming up, remember? Just like last year?"

"When I was three?"

"No baby, last Christmas you were four. Cause your birthday-"

"Mommy, when's my birthday?" Dashiell turns her face to Kate and holds up four fingers, then three, then four again.

"Halloween," Kate says, leaning over to pick Ellery up out of the chair. "October 31st. While we're on the island."

"I'm gonna be how many?"

"How come you don't know this?" Lanie says, poking him in the back to get him moving towards the door.

Kate rolls her eyes as she carries Ellery towards the hall, wiping at the girl's mouth with the tail of her pajama shirt. "Dash knows. He's just looking for attention. Right, Dash?"

"Mommy says I'm just like Daddy," Dash says proudly, his chest puffing. "I hog the sunlight."

"Spotlight."

"That too. I want all the light."

Kate puts Ella on her feet at the door, pats her jeans for keys, shrugs on her jacket and gathers her wallet from the entry table. Castle took her bag down with him, but her phone is missing.

"Ella, what'd you do with Mommy's phone?"

Ella darts away.

Lanie moves to chase her down, but Kate holds out her hand. "No. She'll be back in a second."

Dashiell is bouncing on his toes by the door. "Ellery can't wait to fly, Mommy. She's so excited that she has to hide things."

"Yeah, I know."

"She took Daddy's keys."

Oh. Crap. "Ella!" Kate runs after her, heading for the study where Ella usually likes to squirrel things away.

The little girl is on her belly in front of the bookcase and slowly working Kate's phone out from under the bottom shelf. Kate waits in the doorway, giving her time. Ella gets upset if anyone but her takes things out of her hiding places.

Kate holds her hand out; Ella gets to her feet and runs over to drop the cell phone in her mother's palm. No smile. Serious face.

"No more phones. No more keys, baby girl. Remember what I said about Mommy and Daddy needing to carry these all the time?"

Ella nods, but Kate can tell by the stubborn look in her eyes that it doesn't matter. No smile. Serious face. Always means she's going to dig in her heels.

Her phone rings. Castle. "Yeah, I know," she answers.

"How?"

"Dash told me she took them."

"Damn. How long is this gonna take, you think?"

"Ella, baby, where are Daddy's keys?"

Ella stands her ground.

"Can you live without them this week?" she says into the phone, huffing.

"You got yours?"

"I do."

"It'll be fine. So long as they're still in the apartment."

"Can she remember where she put them after a week away?" Kate studies Ella's solemn face.

"Oh yeah. Her mind's a steel trap. She's got that same thing you've got, that memory trick-"

"Okay. Well, then I'm calling off the dogs."

"Hurry up then. We have, uh, exactly. . .no more minutes."

"Love you too, Castle." She rolls her eyes and hangs up, sliding her phone into her jacket pocket and zipping it up.

"All right. Off the hook." Kate bends down and scoops up her magpie daughter. "Are you ready for the beach, _svraka_?"

Ellery leans her head against her mother's shoulder. A quiet word escapes her lips:

"_Da_."

Kate stares down at her daughter in disbelief.

_Da_ is Croatian for 'yes.'


	4. Chapter 4

It's a blur. She's glad she and Castle had that moment in the walk-in closet when she was changing clothes or else she's not sure she'd be up for this.

They're late. Of course they are. And security is ridiculously excruciating with two kids under five, and backpacks of strange toys, and laptops, and handheld video games, and the ipad, and then Ella's shoes have to be taken off and scanned, and then Dash darts off for the "conveyor belt, Daddy!" only to be run down by a security guard - to Kate's eternal shame - after which Castle sets off the metal detector twice until he's wanded by a pear-shaped woman with crooked teeth who takes her job seriously.

And it's kind of funny.

Kate carries Ella, now barefoot and refusing to put her sparkly pink shoes back on (go figure, because this girl loves shoes). She also keeps her hand fisted in Dash's zippered hoodie (imagining that he will, at any moment, figure out that all he has to do to escape is simply unzip the thing), standing guard over their three backpacks and a laptop case. Even so, she still thinks it's a little bit amusing.

Mostly because Castle is making faces. As if the security guard, pear-shape and all, is actually touching him indecently. A look of shock flickers over his features and Kate's grin widens a little more. She's half-afraid he'll get caught and really be in trouble (for what? pretending to be molested by airport security?), but she's finding this all too amusing to really want him to stop. Dash and Ellery have no idea why it's taking their father so long, but Kate keeps her eyes on Castle, feeling that strange, all-consuming connection between them. As if no one else could be quite as important as him.

Dashiell wriggles, leaning against his hoodie with both arms out, Superman style. He pinwheels his arms. He bounces on his toes. He bends his knees and catapults himself up on the arcing swing of her fist in his hood. He makes choking noises. He's a first-rate actor.

"Gram would be proud," she says over her shoulder, her eyes still on Castle. Dash sighs.

This time the pear-shaped security lady is waving him through; Castle quick-steps his way to his family and gives her that naughty shiver, his eyebrows raised. "I think we really made a connection."

"I think she owes you dinner." Kate smirks and kisses his cheek, a little reward for keeping her entertained the whole time. "Tackle your son, please."

Rick leans in and kisses Ella with a smack. "Can't I have the quiet one?"

"Nope. I get the baby. You, mister, have cost us fifteen minutes we don't have."

Castle grimaces and leans down to scoop Dashiell up, bear-hugging him into submission.

"Grab your stuff, everybody," Kate calls out, bending over to pick up Ella's backpack, checking to make sure everything is in someone's hand.

She has her backpack on, but she checks the side pocket to make sure the boarding passes are still there. Castle has already gone ahead with Dash, who wants to run from one gate to the next despite carrying about ten pounds worth of toys he can't live without on his back.

Kate readjusts Ella's bag over her shoulder and starts after them. She keeps Castle's broad shoulders in sight, just barely, and makes her way to their gate. She spies on other families, watching the way they interact, the two sisters fighting quietly just behind their father's back, the little boy leaning out into the aisle to watch the planes take off, the mother with her hands full and a husband doing nothing, the silent man reading a paper next to his slumped teenaged daughter.

Halfway down the concourse, Kate realizes that neither she nor Ellery have said a word. She glances down and notes that Ella seems to be people watching as well, absorbing everything.

Some part of Kate thinks she ought to try chatting with the girl, dig for a response, but she's just too content right now to stir things up. So her daughter chooses silence? Somehow, Kate can't fault her for that. Too many cheap words in the air already.

Kate cups her hand around Ella's cheek and leans down to kiss her forehead, hugging her a little tighter. After that first, surprised cry when Ellery was born, the girl has been such a happy baby, smiling and content, able to go with the flow. People said she was just like Castle, so joyful, but the truth is, Kate thinks Ella is just like her.

Quiet, contained, self-controlled even at two. But the small tragedies of her young life are limited to Alexis's leaving after the summer and her brother's wild fits, so Ellery's natural reserve hasn't twisted into caution and fear and self-defense.

Like Kate's has.

Suddenly, Ella squeezes Kate's neck with her little hands, touches her lips to her mother's collarbone. Kate glances down at her. The little girl lets her eyes grow wide, round, then lifts her eyebrows and smiles that closed-mouth smile, a dimple in her right cheek. Saying all she needs to say without saying anything at all.

"Yeah, _moja ljubav,_ I know. I love you too, Ellery_._"

The gate is crowded, no seats left. Castle glances at her and shrugs, then heads for the far wall with Dash in tow, one finger hooked in the strap of the kid's backpack. Kate follows with Ella, shifting the little girl against her body; one little hand comes up to play with Kate's hair, baby fingers twirling around and around, just like her brother did as a baby.

Kate squeezes her back, drops a kiss on top of her head.

Castle sits down against the wall, long legs folded, and helps Dash get out of his backpack. He shoots upward like a suddenly untied helium balloon, but Castle yanks him down, wrestling the boy into his lap.

It's late, and Dash is in his pajamas, but of course, Kate should've known better than to think Dash would be sleepy. Or at all willing to rest.

Kate leans against the wall with her backpack, slides slowly down so she doesn't disturb Ella. "I didn't think it would still be this crowded."

Castle shrugs. "I think half of them are for gate 23 next door."

She glances past the white pillar to the next gate. Also full. "Maybe so."

"Not many travel to Brownsville, Texas, Kate."

"Good point."

"Daddy, does T-Rex have laser vision?"

"Yes." Kate watches Castle hook a leg over Dashiell's keeping him tied down.

"Can he shoot people with his lasers?"

"No. No people when dinosaurs were around."

"What about other dinosaurs?"

"With his dinky laser vision?" Castle huffs. "No way, dude. Think about it. T-Rex wasn't eating BBQ. T-Rex ate it raw."

"Oh." Dash snorts. "Dino BBQ."

Kate elbows her story-telling husband and shoots him a look. Castle gestures to the now-silent, absorbed Dash as if to say, _Voila_.

True. It *does* seem like a magic trick.

"Daddy, can T-Rex kill *anything* with his laser vision?"

"Rabbits."

"Like Totoro?"

Ella's head picks up from Kate's chest. Kate glances down and sees the girl giving Dash a lethal glare.

"Oh, ho, Dash. Watch out buddy," Castle laughs, nodding his head to Ellery. "Plus, Totoro's not a rabbit."

"He's a wood spirit?" Dash turns his head to look at his sister. Ellery gives a short nod.

Kate rolls her eyes, uses a hand to smooth down Ellery's pajama top, brushing a kiss to the top of her head. "Nothing's gonna happen to Toto. T-Rex didn't even get to come. Ignore him_._"

Dash jerks upright in his father's lap, his face flush. "You wouldn't let me bring him!"

"Dash."

"Mom!"

Mom? Kate bites her lips. Wow. When did she become Mom?

Castle thumps Dash's ear. "Don't be a brat. T-Rex doesn't fit on the plane. And look in your backpack, you've got a whole toy store in there."

Dash settles back down, glancing from his mother to Ella, then back to his father, as if he thinks they're just so mean. Then he crosses his arms. "Mommy, when do we get there?"

Kate groans and leans her head back against the wall. "Ask your Pop."

"Pop!" Dash giggles.

"I'm not that old," Castle grumbles, elbowing her. Kate lifts her head to smirk at him.

"Hop on Pop!" Dash adds, bouncing up in his father's arms.

Castle shifts him to one knee. "When I read, I am smart. I always cut whole words apart."

Dash thinks for a half second, then his eyes light up. "My father can read big words, too. Like. . .like Con. . .Con-stan-tople and. . .and Timbuktu!"

Kate shares a grin with Castle, then reaches over to ruffle Dash's hair, ensuring it's messiness flops over his eyes. She misses the curls, but they grew out, and now his hair spikes in the back and falls over his forehead. Mini-Castle style. "You remembered it. Smart kid." Of course, Constantinople is difficult, but the idea was there.

"I 'member lots of stuff," Dash beams, then turns to his father and starts climbing him like a monkey.

"I remember being in a box with a fox," Castle says deliberately, and gives Kate a long, slow smile that makes her stomach flip.

He's talking about her. In a box with a fox? Oh. _Oh._ She smiles back at him, leans in and kisses him slowly, sharing breath, only to get a four year old's hand in her face.

"Enough kissy-face. Tell me a story, Daddy."

"A Dr. Seuss story?"

"A Castle story."

Kate shares a regretful look with him, then reaches up to wipe the chapstick off his mouth, her thumb brushing his lips with a promise.

He kisses her thumb, winks at her, then turns back to Dash. "A Castle story. Okay. Does it need T-Rex?"

"Yes."

"Who else?"

"Mommy."

"Who else?"

"Um. . .Mommy's gun."

"That's a what. *Who* else?"

"Tio!"

"Who else?"

"YOU!" Dashiell shouts, giggling like crazy at a joke no one else gets but which never gets old for the boy.

Castle grins back. "All right. Here's a Castle story, close your eyes."

Promptly, both Dashiell and Ellery close their eyes. Kate watches the little girl relax against her, dark lashes against her cheeks.

Castle leans over to Kate, a quick kiss brushing her mouth. "You too, Mommy, close your eyes."

Kate doesn't want to; she wants to watch Castle tell his story. But she does it anyway, laying her head against his shoulder, letting Ella crawl over Dash so she can be in Daddy's lap too. When everyone is comfortable, Castle starts.

"It was a dark and stormy night. . ."

"With T-Rex," Dash murmurs.

"With T-Rex. . ."


	5. Chapter 5

Ah. He can breathe again.

Castle sits with his son in his lap at the window seat, Kate in the seat to his left. The dark night outside the windows is calming. They have the two first-class seats in the row ahead of them as well, but neither kid wanted to sit by themselves after take-off. So when the fasten seatbelt sign went off, Dash crawled into his lap, and then Kate and Ella came back and sat next to him.

Ellery's already halfway to sleep against Kate's shoulder, her little body curled up against her mother, her favorite mint green blanket with the brown polka dots draped over her back. Kate shifts and scrapes her hair back into a ponytail, using her elbows to keep Ella from sliding.

Castle reaches over and puts his hand to Ellery's back, letting Kate free her arms to get the last twist in her rubber band. Dash yanks on his arm.

"Daddy-"

"Hey. Let up." He shakes Dash off, Kate wraps her arms around the baby again, and Castle takes his hand back, thumps Dash's ear.

"Hey," Dash squawks, rubbing his ear.

"Whatever, you need to be patient. Why are you still awake?"

"I'm not tired," he sighs dramatically.

Kate leans over and brushes the hair out of his eyes. "It's late, buddy."

"I know," he sighs. "It's always late." Mournful.

Castle chuckles. "It is. You're right. I know."

"Have trouble falling asleep last night?" Kate asks, her eyes shifting to Castle's.

"I'm just so excited," Dash shrugs. "Can I have a story?"

Castle sighs. "Sure."

Ella struggles and lifts her head, staring intently at him, her eyes so sleepy she looks ready to fall over. Castle reaches over and strokes her cheek with the back of his finger. Her head bobs, drops back to Kate's shoulder, but her eyes stay open. Barely.

Kate adjusts the blanket and nods to him, so Castle leans the first-class seat back just a little more and pulls Dash down against his chest. "All right. Story. What kind?"

"A Beckett story," Dash says with relish.

Kate sighs. Castle smirks at her and continues. "A Beckett story. Hmm. All right. Got your eyes closed?"

"Yes!"

"Hush, son," Kate murmurs.

"You too, Mommy. Eyes closed," Dashiell says, his voice at a barely lower decibel, his eyes squeezed tight, mouth scrunched up. He's almost five, but Castle still sees the baby in him, the round cheeks, the little nose.

Castle looks over at Ella with a grin. "You too, baby girl." Her eyes slam shut without any prompting.

"Castle," Kate says softly, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Want me to tell you about the time me and Mommy got abducted by aliens? Bright light-"

"Castle," she hisses at him. He grins at her outrage and leans in to kiss her open mouth.

"Aliens?" Dash sits up suddenly, the top of his head smacking into Castle's jaw. He winces and pulls away from Kate, rubbing his face. "Daddy! Why you never tell me this before?"

"It's not a Beckett story," Kate says with a frown, her mouth in that beautiful, sour look that he loves. That _your theory is nuts but also makes sense _look. "It's not a Beckett story, it's a Castle story."

"But I said a Beckett story, Daddy."

"It is a Beckett story. It's true. We were abducted-"

"By government agents, Castle," she rolls her eyes at him and then puts a hand to her mouth, eyes flickering down to their son.

Dashiell's eyes are wide as he looks at his mother, then at his father. Castle grins at her, chuckling to himself. "Good job, Mommy."

"Mommy, gov. . .people from. . .Mommy!" Dashiell leans over, his hands on the armrest, his little body quivering with amazement. "Was it scary? Did they lock you up and throw 'way the key? Did Daddy scream like a girl?"

Castle grunts and shifts Dashiell back into his lap. "Hey now."

Kate laughs and covers her mouth with a hand, but he can still see the broad grin gracing her lips, her expressive eyes shining.

"Daddy doesn't scream like a girl," Castle grumbles.

"Daddy doesn't always scream like a girl," Kate amends. "But no. Daddy didn't. He actually. . .kept his cool."

"See? Daddy kept his cool." Castle nods to Dash. "I also called it. I was right the whole time-"

"There were no aliens."

"No aliens?" Dash moans.

"There was the possibility of aliens. But there were Chinese spies. And the killer-" Castle stumbles to a stop just as Kate pinches his arm. "The uh. . .the uh-"

"You got the bad guy, Daddy? He was a Chinese spy? What's a Chinese spy?"

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Mommy and I figured it out. With the help of those government agents who pretended to be aliens." He throws aliens in there to avoid answering the Chinese spy question.

"Okay, okay, different story," Kate says, rolling her head on the back of the seat and glaring at Castle.

He pushes Dash back down to his chest, keeping the boy there with a hand. "All right. Eyes closed, kiddo."

"But I-"

"Closed."

"I-"

"Mouth too."

When there's silence again, Castle sighs and glances to Ellery. She's out already. "Okay, a Beckett story with a little less Castle to it."

He feels Kate's hand over the top of his forearm and looks over at her. She looks sleepy as well, and adorable, with her hair pulled back and the baby sleeping against her chest. Adorable and soft and tired. And warning him to get it right this time.

"How about this?" he starts, bringing his arm up so that he can kiss the back of her hand. "One day, Mommy and Daddy get in a fight-"

"Cas-"

"Shhh." He gives her a gentle smile, asking her to trust him. "Mommy leaves-"

"This isn't getting better," she hisses at him.

"Hush. I'm trying to tell a really good story here."

"Hush, Mommy, I-"

Castle thumps his ear. "Respect your mother."

Dash sighs and cracks open an eye. "Sorry. Got excited."

"Apology accepted, buddy." Kate waves a hand and Castle takes that as permission to keep going.

"So. Mommy leaves because Daddy was being stupid. Or mean to Mommy, which never happens anymore." A look. "I'm not sure which one, actually. Still. Could be Mommy just didn't feel good that day-"

Another pinch to his arm. A warning then.

"So. Mommy probably doesn't feel good, because she leaves. But I'm stuck at home, worrying about Mommy, until the hospital calls."

Kate sighs. He figures she knows now where it's going.

"Turns out Mommy is about to have a baby-"

"Is that me?" mumbles a sleepy voice.

"Eyes closed." Castle waits until Dash is relaxed against his chest again. "And yes. It's gonna be you. But it's not you yet. Or well, it's you but you were in Mommy's tummy then. So here I am at home, but Mommy - who isn't yet a Mommy - is at the hospital about to have baby Dashiell at any moment."

"Mommy was stupid, not Daddy," Kate says softly.

Castle glances over at her, eyebrows raised. "Huh. Okay. Well, then I run downstairs to grab a taxi, because I'm kinda nervous about all of this, probably shouldn't drive. I stand there for a little bit, waving my arm, hollering at the yellow cabs as they pass. I can't get a taxi, so I decide to run-"

"You ran?" Kate lifts her head, a curious look in her eyes, a half-smile quirking her lips. "That explains why you were all sweaty and out of breath."

"I ran. Never got a cab, and the hospital was only a few blocks over. When I got to the hospital, you were already in delivery, and I. . .I came over and you grabbed my hand-"

"You looked more worn out than I felt," she laughs. "I thought you needed something to hold on to."

Uh-huh. Sure you did, Kate. "And whatever we were fighting about, it just didn't matter anymore. Because then there was our son." Castle glances down at the little boy in his arms, his mouth slack, his hair sticking to his forehead. His son. Kate's son. He kisses the top of his head. "And that's the day you were born."

"Hey," she says softly. In the dim light of the airplane, with the night outside the window and their children asleep, she looks beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. He's missed her lately.

"Hey," he says back, smiling at her, loving her.

"I was afraid."

He raises both eyebrows. "What?"

"I fought with you because I was afraid. And it was stupid."

"Turns out you had good reason to be afraid," he grumbles. "You nearly died because of those quacks-"

"I don't remember that, Castle," she says, brushing her hand lightly over Ellery's back. "And besides, I wasn't even thinking about those complications. I was afraid of. . .us. That complication. We weren't even living together."

"That's what we were arguing about. You didn't *want* to live with me." There's no hurt left from it, he realizes. None at all. Amazing how two kids and five years washes away even things as bone-crushingly excruciating as hearing the mother of your child tell you she doesn't want you around. Huh. And that's not even bitterness, just. . .how it was.

"I had this stupid idea that nothing had to change. I was specifically *not* thinking about the future, because it scared me to think you wouldn't be there, and if you couldn't be there, on the job with me, why would you be anywhere else?"

"Yeah, that's a really stupid idea. I'm glad you figured it out," he says, then wriggles his eyebrows at her. "Why *did* you change your mind about living with me? I mean, you came home from the hospital to me. With me."

She stops rubbing Ellery's back and gives him a tender look that he can't quite decipher. "I saw your face when I woke up. After. . ."

"After you died."

She sighs. "After I *nearly* died. I saw your face."

He waits, but she's pressing her lips to Ella's forehead. "And? What did my face have to do with anything?"

Kate closes her eyes, as if recalling that moment. "You looked hollowed out. But you were holding our son to your chest as if. . .as if you thought he might be taken from you too, and I - I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't take him with me across town to live in my apartment, the two of us alone, when you wanted him so badly-"

She takes a shaky breath in and he wants to say something, but he doesn't know what.

"Look at this," she says softly, her voice under control. She lifts her arm to her run her hand down Dashiell's side. "This is amazing, this little person. And this one." She strokes Ella's back with her other hand, lifting her eyes to meet his. "What was there to be afraid of?"

She's gorgeous. Just. . .gorgeous. "Let's ditch the kids back up front, yeah?"

She gives him that closed-mouth smile, the one where she lifts her eyes to heavens as if suffering in silence through his moments of childishness. "Nothing sacred."

"Nope. Come on. They're more likely to sleep through the flight if they're not sleeping on us."

Kate glances down at Ella. "But I kinda like having my girl cuddle with me-"

"Come on, I like having *my* girl cuddle with me too." He gives her his best pitiful look, sad eyes and pouting lip and everything.

Kate lifts her hand from Dash's back and rubs her thumb across his lip, shaking her head. "Okay, Castle."

He grins, watches her shift carefully in her seat, easing forward with her arms around Ella. She gets slowly to her feet, then ducks around to the row in front of them, settles Ellery into the seat by the window. Kate catches his eyes over the back of the headrest and gives him a hot, sultry look.

Whew. She's doing that on purpose.

Castle hunches forward with Dashiell in his arms, then makes his way out of the row and stands up in the aisle. The flight has been smooth so far, but Kate's put the seat belt on Ellery and adjusted the blanket around her shoulders. She digs Totoro out of the bag and nestles it beside the girl.

He waits to put Dash down until Kate moves back to their seats. Dash curls up against the armrest, his mouth open and drooling already. Working the seatbelt slowly around him is an ordeal. Castle leans over his seat and nudges Kate.

"Where's his blanket?"

She glances around, then bends over to scoop it off the floor. Castle takes it and lays it over the boy, brushing hair out of his eyes, suddenly so grateful he's here, that Kate didn't take him away, that he has his son and his wife and his daughter. His family.

He gets back in his own seat, sits there for a moment, absorbing it all. Then he comes back to himself, scoots over to one side, and pats the scant amount of empty space next to him.

"Cuddle?"

She's pulled her iPad out of her bag to read, but she sighs and lifts the armrests between them, moves over to his seat. Castle smiles and presses his lips to the top of her head, wrapping both arms around her, trying to give her a little more room.

"What are we reading?" he says happily.

She lifts her feet up to the other chair, wriggling back, getting comfortable. "You can only read with me if you don't make comments."

"Comments? Me?" He brushes her hair away from his mouth.

"It's your book anyway."

"Oh, you know that makes me horn-"

"Hush," she admonishes. "I want to read, Castle. Not get felt up on an airplane."

"But we can do both," he suggests, brushing a hand across her stomach.

She grabs his hand, squeezes it tightly, crushing his fingers. "No comments."

"Ow, ow. All right. No comments. Of either kind. Which book are you reading?"

"The fourth one. High Heat."

He grins, dropping his cheek to her head. "I like that one."

"I do too. I'm rereading all the Nikki books. But I skipped the third one."

"Why?"

"It makes me sad," she says, lacing her fingers with his over her stomach. He experimentally brushes his thumb over her shirt and she doesn't stop him. He grins.

"Makes you sad. But in the fourth one-"

"No comments, Castle. I wanna read. And don't think I don't feel that." She captures his thumb with hers, like thumb-wrestling.

He stays quiet while she calls up the book on her iPad. He bought it for her birthday, but he hasn't seen it much. Usually with her at the precinct. When his novel comes up, she scrolls through the title page, stops.

The dedication page.

"Want me to read the dedication to you?" he says softly, kissing her temple.

She reaches back and brushes her hand down his jaw. "If you'll stay quiet after that. Just the dedication."

He knows why too. Because she loves hearing his voice read to her; she confessed it once a few years back, how it gets to her. He remembers her exact words were, 'It makes me so hot.'

"Read it," she says, patting his cheek to get his attention.

Castle clears his throat, intent on making his voice as drop-dead sexy as he possibly can.

"For Kate," he starts, pausing until he feels her breath quicken. "For Kate. Who said yes."


	6. Chapter 6

Castle carries Dash into the condo, letting the door hit his back so that he can hold it open for Kate. She steps slowly over the threshold with Ella in her arms, blanket draped over the little girl.

"Same room, or separate?" she whispers, meeting his eyes in the darkness.

Castle guides the door closed, softly, then places the keys on the little table in the entryway. The tile is cold; Kate can feel the chill of the air conditioner against her ankles, drifting around her flip flops.

"Same, in case one wakes up, strange place," he murmurs back.

Kate's not entirely happy about this; Dash will wake too early and Ella will want to sleep until noon, if they let her, but it's only the first night. Plenty of nights still to go.

"Follow you," she says, reaching out a hand to brush her fingers down the back of his tricep, not sure why she needs the touch but needing it anyway.

Castle leads the way down the short hall to the first bedroom on their right, just before the guest bathroom. It's small. And has bunk beds.

Kate tugs on his tshirt, but Castle is already shaking his head and turning around. They back out of the first room, go past the bathroom, come to the second room. Two twin beds with Hawaiian print bedspreads, wicker furnishings. Kate moves to the bed furthest from the door and eases her daughter down.

Ella is out, her head lolls to the pillow, her round, bow of a mouth going slack. Kate slides the bedcovers out from under her, takes her sparkly pink shoes off her feet, then carefully tucks her in. She kisses the girl's forehead, brushes back her hair, kisses her cheek, breathes in the night-sleep-sweetness of her child.

"Night, baby girl," she breathes, and straightens up.

Castle is murmuring to Dash, who has apparently roused a little bit. She thought he might. Kate heads to the side of his bed, watches Castle tug off the boy's shoes and socks. Dash's toes curl, then he flops over onto his belly with a long sigh.

Kate gets on her knees beside the bed, leans in to kiss him, brushing her hand down his back, making slow circles. She feels him relax under her touch.

"Gonna sleep?" she whispers.

He grunts back at her, a sure sign he's fading already, so she helps Castle pull the covers up over their son. She gets back to her feet as Castle moves to the other bed, his lips skimming Ellery's forehead, his large palm curled around the back of her head.

Kate stands in the dark doorway, waiting on him, watching her children sleep, all of the sudden amazed at how she's gotten here. All this love in one little room. The frantic clutch of her heart as she sees the tenderness in Rick's hands as he brushes his fingers in Ella's hair.

She smiles, sees Castle's answering smile as white teeth in the dark; he meets her at the door to the kids' room and nudges her out, closing it behind him.

"Hey," he whispers.

She wraps her arms around his neck and sinks into a wonderful embrace, his arms strong as cords around her. He cups the back of her head with his palm and a lazy trickle of desire unfurls in her belly, slow and savored.

"Hey," she says back, pressing her lips to his chin, the side of his jaw, brushing the soft edges of her mouth against the rough scrape of his stubble. "Mmm."

"Mmm, yourself," he murmurs, opening his mouth against the skin at her neck, sucking softly.

She shivers, surprised at her own reaction, hears him chuckling in her ear.

"Wanna get our stuff from the car?" he says.

"No."

She does, at some point. She's too in-control, too Type A to feel comfortable with all their luggage sitting in the rental SUV twenty floors below them, but right now she wants to luxuriate in finally being on vacation, finally being at the beach with this man who still makes her insides go liquid with just the scrape of his teeth or the curl of his finger.

"Liar," he says back, letting the silence, the dark, and his mouth work their magic on her. He could say anything and she'd agree.

"Yeah, but not just yet. Keep doing that."

He laughs against her neck, more vibrations than actual sound, and then propels her backward slowly, pushing her further down the hall. She opens her eyes to catch a glimpse of a wide, spacious living room, shining kitchen, and a sliding glass door to the balcony. A far door, off the living room, is probably the master bedroom, but she stops him before they get that far.

"Balcony," she breathes, and tugs on his hip to get him following her.

He reaches for the sliding door's lock, flips it with some effort, and pulls it open, all from behind her, his body close and hot against her back. He slides his arms around her waist as they stand in the faint breeze coming off the gulf, his mouth at the nape of her neck. She smells salt, and bleached sand, and the crisp edge of arousal.

She reaches back and pulls her hair down, letting it fall over him, and he laughs again, licks her spine, making her shiver so hard her elbow knocks against his ribs.

Just the breeze.

"Watching your skin quiver, Kate Beckett, is so gorgeous. Moonlight and the ocean and your body-"

She shudders at the tone in his rough voice, brings her arms up, wanting to reach for him and pull him around, but he captures one wrist, holds it against her stomach, their fingers lacing, sliding low. She gets a palm against his cheek, lets her knuckles drag across his five o'clock shadow, gathers up her hair to move it out of his way.

His teeth on her earlobe, her jaw, the pressure of his lips, his hand making insistent circles against her stomach, the heel of his palm pressing against her belly, bringing her hips back against his, her legs parting.

"What you do to me-"

"How your body feels-"

"Your mouth-"

She's not sure whose whispers they are, doesn't matter, she wants her husband, this man, _please-_

Her back is suddenly against the glass - must have begged him out loud and not just in her head - her mouth on his, even as she forgets all about moonlight and ocean.

* * *

><p>He's humming when she wakes, or his humming is why she wakes. He's got on shorts, bare-chested, moonlight splayed like silver along his skin.<p>

"Last of it," he says with a happy smile, dropping back to the couch where they'd fallen earlier. Her thighs are still weak, her body hot. She hooks a leg around his waist and lifts up, close to him.

"Last of-?"

"The luggage."

Kate jerks her head to the open living room, sees all the way down the hall where he's left the kids' suitcases, the beach stuff, the toys, all of it in a neat row by the front door.

"You did."

"I did," he hums, pressing a kiss to the edge of her lips. She feels rubbed out, alive, thrumming.

"Rick," she breathes, turns her head. "I love you."

He laughs and kisses her again. "You're too easy, Kate. Should make me work for it."

"Why? What's the point?" Kate smiles back at him and frames his face with her hands, rubbing her thumbs along his cheeks, over his lips, the beautiful and frustrating man, the father of her children. "I like working at this instead." She wraps her other leg around his waist, slides into his lap.

He grins back, wolfish in the moon's lapping glow. She glances over her shoulder to the sliding glass door, the ocean just beyond.

"Had to close the sliding door to open the front door, by the way." His arms are tight around her, tug her in closer. "If you don't, it makes a wind tunnel."

She smiles at the thought, feathers her lips against his, light and elusive. "Lock it?"

"Both."

Good. She won't have to worry about Dash getting up before them and making a break for it out of boredom. The lock on the sliding glass door was difficult; the sound as it flipped open was something like a heavy-duty dead bolt. Ella, of course, won't move from her bed until someone comes and gets her.

"Kate, babe, stop thinking."

He can call her anything if he keeps talking like that. The want in his voice, dripping sex and cracking with energy.

His arms are bands around her back, his thighs flexing under her, and then he's standing up, bringing her along with him. She smiles wide, impressed despite herself, and hooks an arm around his neck, curling her hand around his ear, brushing his cheek with the tips of her fingers. He's carrying her, the romantic idiot.

He grins back. "Kids are safe. Doors locked."

She nods, watches the way the light and the shadows play along his face as he head towards the master bedroom. He opens the door, closes it with his foot, carries her to the bed and dumps her out in a tangle of limbs.

She laughs and gets to her knees, reaching for his hips, bringing his chest against hers. He rubs his hands down her back. "Let's get this off you and let me do it right, slow."

Yeah.

Kate raises her arms over her head and flips her white tshirt off; the bra went ages ago, and his eyes darken even in the already-black of the room.

He ducks his head but Kate grabs his ears and tugs, holding him still for a moment.

"Kate," he whines, bringing his hands up her ribs, making her resolve fluctuate.

"Wait a sec," she whispers, closes her eyes briefly to gather her will. "First-"

"This first," he murmurs, tries to lower his head.

She pulls back, brings her lips to his instead, regains his attention. When his eyes are open and on hers again, she releases his ears, soothing her fingers over the soft edges. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Mm, this. Making me take a break. Arranging everything. Loving me enough to do it."

"Only enough?"

She shrugs at him, her smile tugging the corners of her mouth. "Just enough. Just barely."

"Barely," he repeats, an eyebrow raised. It looks good on him - her. All her looks look good on him.

"Yeah, barely."

"I barely love you," he says, his voice growling with arousal, need, excitement. Something else. "I want to barely love you all night."

"Yeah," she says back, kind of inanely, transfixed by the rough lick of determination on his face.

Stubborn. That's it. That's the other part-

He claims her mouth, his teeth catching her lips, then her questing tongue, both hand pressed flat against her back and tight, no space left, one of his knees sliding between hers, knocking her over in the bed so that he falls on her, his weight a dark pleasure, heavy and solid and male.

"Barely. Just enough," he says again. "Scant. Miserly. Pitifully."

"Yes, yes," she answers, because with each word, his mouth finds a new home, lower and lower.

"Hard. . ly," he pants, his legs between hers, his hips already moving.

Hard. "That too. Mostly that. All of that."

Castle tugs her arms from around him and presses her wrists over her head, holds her there so he can drag his mouth down her body, his litany continuing but indecipherable.

She hears the sharp cry first, her body stiffens, then again, and this time it's Castle who pulls back, both of them breathing harshly, ragged.

It comes again and she jerks upright. "That's Ella." She scrambles off the bed and looks for her shirt, but Castle hands it to her, pushing her out the door with a hand at her back. He grabs his own tshirt from the floor in the living room as they hustle back to the kids' room.

The restless, grieving cry comes again just as Kate gets to the door. She opens it a crack, then eases inside, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

It is Ella. The girl is sitting up, the green polka dot blanket in a death grip, tears streaking down her face. Kate feels Castle behind her and heads for her daughter.

"Ella," she whispers, wrapping her arms around the girl.

She gets a hot face against her neck, the baby's little body burrowing into hers.

"Tell me what's wrong," she says softly.

No words though. Just the slow cessation of tears, a ragged intake of breath. Kate glances over her shoulder at Rick, chews on her lip. Castle glances around in the dark, then sighs and stands up, gesturing for her to stand with him.

When she does, Ella wrapped around her, he pushes them out of the room.

"Night terrors?" she murmurs to him as he shuts the door. But Dash's developed so much earlier-

He shakes his head, holds up a finger for her to wait.

"Ella B, want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight?"

She nods, her wet cheeks sliding against Kate's neck.

Kate, a little bewildered by Castle's sudden decision, turns her head to frown at him. Her body is dampened, sure, but it wouldn't take much-

"I didn't find Totoro in the car," he says gently, his mouth against her ear.

Oh. Oh damn.

Kate closes her eyes, feels her shoulders sag. "My fault. I was supposed to-"

"Not tonight, Kate. Not here. We'll look for it again in the morning, then figure something out."

Castle cups his hand at the back of her head and kisses the corner of her mouth, delicate and soft and _rain check_. Kate rubs a hand up and down her daughter's back, then sighs and heads for the master bedroom, Castle at her side.

Ella's little arms are tight around her neck, her knees drawn up to Kate's ribs. Her silence is unforgiving.


	7. Chapter 7

Rick Castle has never wanted Kate Beckett to be the stereotypical preschool soccer mom. She doesn't wear a locket with her children's smiling faces inside, or two piece sweater sets and chinos. She won't drive a minivan (neither will he, never, not if it's the last thing on earth); she will never dress their children in smocked outfits or get their initials scrawled into the tea towels, the backpacks, and the diaper cloths.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not. . .not Kate.

Somehow, though, Kate has gotten it into her head that by *not* being the stereotype, she is also not being ideal. And that has got to change. He doesn't know how, but he's hoping that a week away from everything will help reassert her natural confidence.

Why is that that two children under five can shake her so badly, but taking down an armed suspect from the flying leap off a fire escape in four inch heels doesn't?

It astonishes him; it really does. Like tonight, as they lay in bed with Ellery sleeping on top of him, Castle can feel Kate's shame, her guilt, radiating from her like heat off the pavement in July.

With a hand on Ella's back to keep her balanced on top of him, he brushes his fingers over Kate's spine, up to her neck, tangles up in her hair. She rolls over on her back and looks at him and Ella, then curls up closer. Not as close as Castle might love, but close enough.

"I dropped Alexis's favorite monkey in the toilet when she two," he says softly. "And I couldn't bear to have her touch it after that-"

Kate chuffs in the darkness and leans up to kiss his cheek. "I know what you're doing, and I appreciate it. But-"

"Listen."

She sighs and settles back down.

"But Alexis found monkey before I could figure out how to fish him out. She stuck both hands in and-"

"Was it a flushed toilet or. . .or a full one?"

"Flushed. Still."

"Still," she echoes, and he can hear her amusement in the darkness.

"She pulled him out and latched onto him, and I gagged. I seriously thought I was going to vomit all over my child, right there in the bathroom-"

Kate laughs now, putting a hand over her mouth to muffle the noise.

"And I gagged over the toilet, and Alexis freaked a little and dropped her monkey back in-"

"Oh my word, Castle-"

"And I picked Alexis up and put her outside the bathroom door and shut it in her face, locking me and monkey in."

"You did not."

"Yeah. I fished Monkey out and put him right in the trash. When I opened the door, Alexis was on the other side, sobbing."

"Oh."

"I told her Monkey had gone to heaven."

She hummed. "Pixies."

"What? Oh. Wow, yeah, hadn't thought of that. Wait. You know that song?"

"This monkey's gone to heaven? Yeah. Man is five, devil is six, God is-"

"Seven. Huh. Pixies fan. Still unraveling layers of the Beckett onion." He brushes his hand along her arm and she must take that as a sign to settle closer, her head on his shoulder, a hand to his ribs. He tries to envision Kate Beckett at a Pixies concert and fails. Maybe Kate Beckett in her early twenties? Still. . .

"So what did you do about the monkey?" she asks, brushing her fingers along his ribs, gentle circles.

"I got her a new one, which she primly put on her desk chair every night for a week, as a kind of protest, until one night she had either a bad dream or a sleepless couple of hours and got up and grabbed him. And then it was like it had never happened. In fact, I bet Alexis doesn't even know that monkey she's got wasn't her original."

Kate's fingers curl at his pec, but she's quiet. He can hear Ella breathing, feel the girl's body sprawled all over chest, the wet circle of her mouth. He'll move her in a minute, maybe to his other side so he can curl his own body around Kate for awhile, for as long as she'll let him, but for right now, uncomfortable as it is, it's also nice, reassuring.

"You're saying Cricket won't ever remember I did this to her?" Kate says softly.

He grins at the nickname. He hasn't heard Kate use it in. . .almost a year, not since Ellery started being independent and strong-willed and toilet-trained and all that. After Ella stopped making those little chirpy noises, her happy baby sounds, as Kate called them.

"Cricket will be just fine."

He can feel her smile start up at the corners of her mouth, spread outward against his skin. "All right. So it worked," she mutters, turning her face into his shoulder, laughing a little.

"Good." He curls his arm around her and brushes his fingers along her ear. "Good. Because I love you. And my daughter loves you. And my son loves you. And my littlest girl loves you."

She twitches under his arm, lifts her head to look at him. "Your daughter loves me."

"Yeah. You know that she does. She just. . .has all that grad school work."

Kate nods her head, but he still sees it. Something like rejection being whitewashed over in her eyes.

"Kate," he says gently.

"No. I know. It just. . .it's disappointing she couldn't come. And I didn't realize how much I wanted her here until she couldn't."

Castle squeezes her tightly, wondering how to say what he knows needs to be said. Nothing for it; he's just got to plunge right in. "Have you told Alexis that?"

"She doesn't have a lot of free time," Kate hedges.

"But have you told her you'd like her to come? That you want her to show up more often at home?'

Kate is quiet beside him; he wishes he *couldn't* see the direction her thoughts are headed, but he can. She's going to take this as a critique of her parenting. It's not though, it's just that Kate sometimes. . .holds back too much, stays reserved when people like himself, like Alexis, require a little more affirmation. Neither side is better, just different.

"Hey, think about it," he murmurs. "She's a busy young adult; she's got her boyfriend, classes, that research paper, the community service hours, the volunteer work with Youth Villages-"

"That's why I haven't said anything. I didn't want to add another pressure."

"Except we're family; it's not pressure when it comes from family."

"Sure it is. It especially is. I think if she wanted to spend more time at home, she'd spend more time at-"

He waits a moment, can practically hear Kate's gears turning as she processes.

"All right, okay," she whispers, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. "Damn. I am such a hypocrite."

Castle chuckles, but when he turns his head to look at her face, he's worried by the shimmer in her eyes. Like tears. He curls an arm around Ellery and slides her slowly off his chest onto the bed beside him, then turns on his side to draw Kate into his arms.

"That's not where I was going with this," he murmurs, pressing a kiss into the side of her neck. "You're beating yourself up for nothing, Kate."

"Not for nothing. I should-"

"Stop. Just stop. Not here." He's so tired of this, hearing how much she wants to change, ought to change, but her not seeing just how much she already has changed. "I was trying to say that Alexis feels like she's intruding on us-"

"What?"

"And she didn't want to interrupt family vacation."

"But she *is* family," Kate hisses, sitting up to glare down at him.

"I told her that. But she hasn't heard it from you."

"Sure she has. All the time. When I asked her if she's coming, and she said she doesn't know, and I asked her to come anyway? What was that?"

"Being polite."

"And why didn't you tell me this before?" she cries, reaching over to shove on his shoulder, making him flop back onto the bed. He tugs her down after him, easily. "Castle-"

"I'm telling you now."

"Well, I'm calling her then and she *will* get her ass over here-"

He muffles a laugh into the side of her neck, rolling them a little further away from the baby. "She really does have observation on Tuesday. She said she can get out of everything else though."

Kate tilts her head, squeezing her neck and shoulder together to capture his jaw. A little rough, but not altogether unpleasant. He really wishes they could put Ella back in her own bed, but Totoro is missing, and they'd end up with a different kind of sleepless night.

"You should've told me this stuff, you idiot," she mutters, her hands coming up to his face and pushing him back onto the pillow. She raises above him, sliding a leg off as if she's going to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna call her-"

"No. Jeez, Kate, it's like midnight-"

"So?"

So. Good point. Alexis is probably up. "So it's my vacation and I want my wife. Get back here."

She's already out of bed and searching through their clothes. "I'll text her. And then I'll crawl back into bed with you. . .two."

Castle follows her line of sight to the little girl, sighing noisily. He's rewarded with a small sound of Kate's amusement, and then she's holding up her phone in triumph and crawling up to him from the foot of the bed.

"It's a good thing this one takes after me," he mutters.

Kate gives the bed a little extra bounce, rattling his teeth, and of course, Ellery sleeps through it. Ellery could sleep through a tornado. She's a champion sleeper. She slept through the night after only four weeks of being home. Kate had to wake her up for feedings (until Castle pointed out that was stupid, and just let her sleep; she was ravenous when she woke, but still such an easy baby).

Kate sits against the headboard and texts Alexis; Castle grabs the phone to see her message before she can hit send.

_I love you, Alexis Castle. Get your ass over here ASAP!_

Castle laughs and hands it back to her. "Oh my word, Kate. You are just. . .you."

She shrugs at him and sends the text, drops the phone onto the bedside table. "Lucky for you."

He studies her, the stringy hair, pale face, too-large eyes, overripe mouth. The elements of her face that, no matter how he looks, how hard or how long, he just sees Kate now, just this strong, fierce, brilliant, courageous, determined woman who somehow loves him back, loves him with all of those characteristics he loves her *for* and more besides.

"I am so damn lucky," he whispers and lifts up to press his mouth against hers, soft and reverent, adoring her. "So lucky. And proud. Is it wrong to be so proud of something I really have no part in? Because, Kate Beckett, I am so proud you're mine."

He's not sure what he's said, but she curls her whole body into him, wrapping around him, her mouth sweet and languid. "You are an amazing man, Richard Castle, and I love you."

His chest breaks open, his throat closes up. He wraps his arms around her and squeezes. "I have no idea what that's for, but I'll take it."

Kate's hands move to cradle his face, dropping another liquid kiss onto his mouth, painting his cheeks with it, dusting his eyelids. "Whatever I have to be proud of, you - you - are the integral part."


	8. Chapter 8

Kate wakes at six, like usual, and hears the muted sounds of the television in the living room. She closes her eyes again, letting herself become aware more slowly, giving herself time. She has a window here, a narrow window, in which she could get up and get moving, eat breakfast, workout, and be alert and ready to start the day.

Once the window closes, when these first twenty minutes have elapsed, if she's not out of bed, she'll sleep another three hours.

A bark of laughter from the television decides her; she will share her son's fate.

Kate opens her eyes, focuses on the lump breathing beside her, makes out a little hand, the dark hair. Ellery sleeps with abandon, wild and mysterious abandon. Like her father. Castle's arms are splayed across the bed, his pillow missing, the sheet dragging into the floor. His face is mashed into the mattress, his hair oily, spiky with sleep.

Her face flickers with a smile and she slides out of bed. She stands over them and stretches, yawning the last of her sleep away. Blinking, she heads for the door; their suitcase is still out in the living room where they opened it last night for pajamas.

The television is down pretty low, actually. Dashiell sits on the long sectional couch with an arm wrapped around a Transformer, his blanket in a ragged pile on his lap. He watches like a zombie, mouth hanging open, eyes dull.

Cartoons. Kate clears her throat and stops in front of their suitcase. "Dashiell. Morning, sunshine."

He blinks, a little less zombie and a little more boy struggling in his eyes. He swivels his head to look at her. "Not sunshine. A cloud."

"A cloud today?" she murmurs, bending over to pull running shorts out of the pile of her clothes. "Why a cloud, kiddo?"

"Dunno."

Mm, kay.

"What did the numbers say?" She finds a sports bra, digs around until she locates a tshirt. She hates to run in a tshirt, but it looks like she didn't pack a single workout tank top.

"Numbers said four three six."

"Oh, baby, no wonder you're a cloud. I told you nothing before a five, remember?" Kate straightens, clothes in hand, and glances at her son. Her insomniac son.

"Ellery wasn't in bed."

"Oh." Damn. Not that they could help that one. Just another little thing for Dashiell to obsess over, worry over. All that frantic energy making his mind race. She sighs.

"She wasn't in any bed but the last one."

"Ours."

"Yeah." He's watching television again, but he lets out a long sigh and leans back against the couch. "The tv is very quiet, isn't it, Mommy?"

Her shoulders slump at the anxiety in his voice. "Yeah, baby cloud, it's very quiet."

"Not a baby cloud. I'm a middle sized cloud. A kid cloud."

She can't help the quirk of her lips as she moves to sit beside her son on the couch. He crawls into her lap, abandoning the clunky Transformer (thank goodness), and leans his head back against her chest.

"Okay mid-sized cloud, we're on vacation you know."

"Yup."

"And me and Daddy talked about the tv mornings."

"It's very quiet, Mommy. Isn't it?"

"You did just fine, sweetheart." Kate draws her legs up onto the couch and sits Indian style, resettling Dash in her lap. "But Daddy and I got this condo specifically because of your bedroom."

"Me and Ellery sleeping there together."

"No, baby, actually, Ella's got her own room. Because in your room, where you slept last night, is a tv."

Dashiell suddenly gives her his whole attention, life sparking in across his face. "A tv?"

She grins, lets go so he can wriggle to the floor. He darts for his room, and she hears his excited crow of disbelief when he gets there.

Kate follows, then stands in the doorway while he makes loves to the television. She finds the remote on a bookshelf and hands it over to him.

"You know the rules."

"After a five."

"And?"

"Lights off. In bed. Very quiet."

"Well, that rule can bend a little since it's in your room, kiddo. It can be just normal quiet."

The television goes on. Dashiell thumbs the volume down automatically. "Like this?"

"Hmm, let's see." Kate backs up, eases the door closed. She grins to herself, opens the door. "You can do it up one more."

Dash bumps up the volume and turns bright eyes on her. "Star Wars Clone Wars is on."

"Okay, I'll be fast." Kate moves to the bed where he bounces, excitedly, on his knees. "After five, lights off, in bed, normal quiet, and you stay in your room."

"That's a new rule."

"That's a vacation rule, for vacation tv. Look, the bathroom is right through there-" Kate points to the door that connects his room to the bathroom in the hall. "And Ellery's room is on the other side of that bathroom. You can check on Ella however many times you like by going through the bathroom, then you can watch tv until Daddy comes to get you."

"Or you?"

"I probably won't be the one, but sure, I might."

"I can check on Ella?"

"As many times as you need to."

"But don't wake her up."

"Kiddo, you know that's nearly impossible." Kate reaches out and smooths the longish hair off his forehead, her baby boy, not exactly a baby anymore. A kid. Almost five. Worrying about his sister.

"Yeah," he grins back, diverting his attention from tv to his mother. "She's better at sleeping than even Daddy."

"Yup. So. You got the rules?"

He's back to the ever-distracting tv. "Yeah. Stay in my room."

"Until Daddy gets you."

"Are you gonna come get me?" Dashiell turns his head again, gives her an intent and concerned look. He needs everything all laid out, all the scenarios.

"I will come in and check on you, but I won't say it's time to get up. Look at the numbers, Dash."

He crawls up to the head of the bed and checks the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Six one two."

"When does Mommy usually get up?"

"With sixes."

"And when should *you* get up?"

"With sevens. And even better, eights. Ella is nines. Tens if Daddy lets her."

Tens? She narrows her eyes. "Well. So. Do you think I'm coming in to tell you to get up at six?"

"No." Dashiell sighs and cradles the remote control. "But if you get to get up at sixes, why can't I?"

"Dashiell, were you a sunshine this morning or a cloud?"

"A cloud."

"Are you getting sunnier?"

"Umm. . ."

"Because of the tv in your room?"

"I have a tv in my room!" He jumps up and bounces his way back to her at the foot of the bed. She catches him, laughing, and wrestles him back down beside her. "I'm getting sunnier."

"It's not four, is it? It's six. And if you could sleep until seven or eight, buddy, you'd feel a lot better."

"I *tried* Mommy, I did-"

She smothers his cry with a fierce hug, kissing his forehead, his cheek. "I know. It's not your fault, baby. It's not you. I know you tried."

His cries shudder away, but she holds him still, that little panic of _why him?_ in her heart not quite settled yet. Dash brings up the remote and aims it at the tv, nudges up the volume.

She rolls her eyes. "Dash." Nothing like flagrant misbehavior to ease her heart.

He sighs and nudges it back down. Kate lets go, brushing a hand over his hair. "So. This is the plan for vacation, okay? TV in your room until everyone else wakes up."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Normal quiet."

"Yeah."

"And baby, I know you tried."

He looks up at her with still watery eyes; she can tell he's trying to keep them back. "Ellery was gone."

Her heart clenches. "I know. She was missing Toto."

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, wild man?"

"Will you get my Transformer and my blanket? I can't leave the room." He gives her a sly look from under his long lashes.

She laughs and reaches over to tickle him, driving him back against the mattress. "Fine, fine. I'll get them. Get under the covers."

Dashiell grins and wraps his arms around her neck, tugging her down with a squeeze. "I *love* you, Mommy."

"Because I'm letting you watch tv in your room. I know, I know."

"Yes! TV!" He lets go and crawls under the covers, wriggling down as he gets comfortable. Kate pushes on his forehead and gets up, heading back towards the living room. She scoops up the Transformer and the blanket, then discovers a Star Wars action figure buried in the couch, so she brings that too.

Back inside Dashiell's room, she flips the lights off and drops the blanket over his head, making him giggle. She tucks the Transformer and the Star Wars guy next to his pillow as Dash yanks the blanket off.

"Mommy?"

At the door, Kate turns, glancing at her son. "Yeah?"

"And also just cause. . .I just love you."

"Love you too."

"All the times," he murmurs back but his eyes are already on the television.

"All the times, in all the ways," she finishes.

* * *

><p>Kate crawls onto the bed and hovers over him, waiting for just the right moment. He's moved onto his back sometime while she was talking with Dash or eating breakfast. His lashes are so vulnerable looking on his cheeks, but the broad chest just under her has a power and appealing breadth to it that draws her attention.<p>

He cracks open an eye and winces in the sunlight, ruining her evil plan.

"Kate?"

"Darn. Yeah."

He grunts and turns his head, sees Ella in the bed next to him, then closes his eyes again.

"You were gonna wake me up in some new, twisted way, weren't you?" he mutters.

She drops a kiss on the corner of his mouth, sits back on her haunches. "I might have been planning something like that."

"Foiled."

"Foiled," she repeats, sliding her hand up his thigh, moving in.

He jerks and sits up, grabbing her wrist. "Holy sh-"

She grins.

"So not funny, Kate Beckett."

She grins wider. "It is to me."

"Are you going to work out?" He laces his fingers with hers and lays back down, tugging her down with him. She goes.

"Yeah." Laying next to him, she traces his ear with her mouth; he twists his head away and rolls onto his side, putting his back to their daughter.

"No one should be this perky in the morning," he groans, rubbing a hand down his face.

She shakes free of his grip and sits up, swinging her legs out of bed. Her running shoes are on. She moves to stand, but Castle snakes out a hand and grips the back of her shorts.

Kate turns. "What?"

"Dash?"

"Up at four," she sighs.

"He had an exciting day. An exciting week. It'll settle down."

"He's in his room watching tv."

"Good, you told him the deal?"

"Yeah. He'll stay. And that Ella was in here with you. That eased his mind."

Castle tugs on her shorts; she wriggles her finger at him, pokes his stomach. Castle huffs and lets go.

"Running or workout room?" he asks, propping his head up with a hand and yawning.

"Not sure yet. Maybe both. Don't wait up."

"Yeah. Just wake me before you shower."

"Why?" She stands up, popping the vertebrae in her back as she stretches, then lifts a knee to her chest to loosen her muscles.

"I looooooove SweatyKate."

She laughs and leans over to kiss him again, lingering a little. His hand comes up to caress her cheek.

"Go be a machine," he murmurs into her mouth. "Then it's my turn."

"To be a machine?"

"To have you."

She grins at him, but his eyes are still closed; he'll be asleep in moments.

"Castle?"

He jerks his eyes open, blinking at her. "What?"

"You wake up a little, you could have me right now."

He grins and the sleep clears from his eyes. "I would, but I want to have you for awhile. A long while. Five minutes rough ain't gonna cut it, babe."

And just like that, her heart is pounding. "Shit. I do *not* want to leave."

"Language, love. Go run. Lift weights, whatever. I'll dream highly inappropriate dreams of sweaty coupling, and we'll both be ready for that shower."

Coupling? Jeez, her whole body is zipping with awareness; she's not sure she can leave him in bed with that look in his eyes-

"Go, Kate." He lifts his knee and nudges her away from the bed. "Practice chasing after suspects; keep yourself safe."

He has her there. Run now; come back to him later.

So that she will always come back to him.


	9. Chapter 9

She isn't running any more.

She can barely catch her breath. Shameful. How has she let it get so out of hand? Kate leans on the stair rail for a moment, then forces her feet upwards.

Sixteenth floor.

Stairs used to be a piece of cake. She used to be able to jog the stairs. Not run. Who can ever run that many stairs? But jog, yes. After Ellery was born, there just wasn't time to be at the gym or the sparring floor for four hours a day. If she was off work, she wanted to be with her family.

But she's a cop. And she owes it to her children to do everything she can to make it home to them.

Damn.

Rick knows; he can see it. That's why his comment this morning. Mm, mornings with Castle. No filter. The man has no filter in the morning when he's still half-asleep and watching her with those lazy, seductive eyes.

Seventeenth floor.

Kate shoves down the burning in her lungs and the twitches of exhaustion in her calves, keeps climbing, half-jog, half-hike. She knows the last time she practiced self-defense moves with a partner was three weeks ago. Not acceptable. Really not acceptable, Kate Beckett.

And she had this whole little thing planned out; she was gonna talk to him about it this week, seduce him into her agreeing with her if she had to. But this? This reminds her that she might not be up to it.

Damn, damn. She hates it when she lets things get out of control.

Always happens though. Just when Dash's stuff is working out right, just when Kate finds peace about Ella's stubborn silence, something else crops up to upset the tentative balance of their family life.

Well, except it's her professional life she's not stayed on top of. Her own damn fault. This will be a good time to start back. Unending stretches of beach. Sand is so difficult to run in, and that makes for an excellent trainer. Rick will no doubt run with her when Alexis gets here, and can baby-sit for them. He likes to chase.

In the meantime, she might convince Castle to wrestle.

Kate grins and surges up the nineteenth floor, past the doorway, on up to the twentieth, past that door, breathing too hard, pushing herself, and to the twenty-first. Penthouse level, but, no, not a Castle kind of penthouse. This vacation was her idea, her plan. Regular commercial flight. Regular condo on the beach.

She wants to wrestle. And Castle, the man loves grappling her sweaty limbs, trailing his fingers up the wet line of her spine.

Kate wrenches open the stair door and walks quickly down the hall, trying to give herself a good cool down, knowing it's impossible now.

All she can think about is Castle's long body over hers, pinning her.

Damn.

The open hallway lets the breeze from the gulf brush across her skin, drying her sweat. She flips up the welcome mat outside the door and pries the key card off the floor, swipes it in front of the lock.

The door beeps, the light turns green, and Kate pushes it open softly. She has to catch the weighted door before it can slam shut, and then she presses it gently closed, drops the key card onto the hall table.

Kate brushes her hair back, tries to poke it under her pony tail. In the hallway, she stops for a second in front of the kids' room, hesitates with her hand on the knob. She can still faintly hear the television.

When she opens the door, bottom lip between her teeth, the darkness makes it hard to see at first. And then the television flashes blue across the bed, highlighting the boy. Asleep. Her heart eases. She closes the door softly, puts her forehead against the doorframe.

Good. Good. That's good.

Now to wake the big boy.

* * *

><p>Castle twitches awake, the strange feeling tickling the back of his neck, warmth slowly radiating into his back-<p>

"Mm, SweatyKate," he murmurs, opening his eyes.

She laughs over him, and he turns onto his back, reaching up to keep her from tumbling off. Sweaty for sure. Slick under his hand at her back, the hard knobs of her spine, the sweep of her ribs. He can smell her, pleasure and work. The good kind.

"Hey there, handsome," she murmurs, and licks the side of his face.

"You licked me?" Despite himself, arousal coils in his gut. "Mm, you licked me." She laughs again and lifts off of him, entirely disappointing. "Wait, wait. Where you going?"

"Come with me."

"Oh jeez, Kate, I was trying. Halfway there-"

She squeezes his ear, and he yelps.

"Hush, you baby. Ella's asleep. In our bed."

"And will be for hours yet," he grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Where we going?"

"Balcony. Come on."

He opens his mouth and she ducks down to kiss him, silencing his next inappropriate comment. Can it be inappropriate if you're propositioning your own wife? Can't be.

Kate pats his cheek. "Gotta check that mouth in the morning, Castle."

"You can check it all you like." But he gets out of bed, wincing at the morning light, and takes the hand she offers him. "Huh. Touching that doesn't lead to sex? Doesn't this break your rule?"

She tugs on his fingers, ignoring him, and he lets her lead him out of the room, closing the door softly behind them. The wide open living room is brilliant with light; it occurs to him that they'll have to be careful to keep those vertical blinds pulled over the sliding glass doors.

She bumps his hip as he crowds her at the door, then they both spill over the threshold and onto the balcony. The morning light over the Gulf of Mexico creates a blanket of gems strung along the horizon, red and orange and yellow kissing the blues and greens of the ocean.

Kate turns around, running shorts and tshirt clinging to her body, limned in light. He reaches out and breaks her rule, hugging her against him just because, sweaty and all. "No sex, but I just want to hold you in the sunlight."

She sighs against him, rubs her hand down his back. "You know that's not a hard and fast rule, Castle."

Oh really? "When has it moved from, 'Castle, after I work out, I don't want anyone touching me, especially not you, unless you want to have dirty sex' to-"

Kate checks his mouth with another soft kiss; he lets her move slowly, a little surprised by her going-nowhere perusal of his mouth. His kind of kiss.

When she breaks from him, he grins at her, watching the nimbus of light on her hair. It's gotten dark again these last few years, but in the sunlight it's already starting to streak to chestnut. Those little hairs escaping her ponytail curl around her face.

"Not that this touching won't lead to some pretty great sex, Castle, but yeah. The rule can change as I. . .get better."

"Better?" He huffs at her. "This isn't rehab, babe. You wanna touch me, I'm all for that. You want me to back off, I can do that too."

"But you don't like to," she says, and the fact that she says it from just under his chin, tucked under him? - he's not worried.

"Yeah, but seriously. My hands all over your hot body is probably not socially acceptable. Or all that practical."

"You're not a practical man," she whispers, her tongue snaking out to his chin, her teeth following. "Not the point though."

"There was a point? Other than to let me see you all sweaty and gorgeous in the sunlight, on the balcony, with the ocean? And then start that dirty sex?"

She hums laughter against his throat and his hips involuntarily buck against her. Damn. Too early for her to be doing stuff like that and not mean it.

"Ah," she says slowly. "I like that. But first."

"This isn't first?"

"I had a point. It's. . .fuzzier every time you do -_ oh_ - that."

He grins and releases her hips, letting her have some space. "Okay, babe. What was the point?"

"Stop with the babe," she mutters, but she looks just a little knocked off course, standing adrift now. He sinks into the lounge chair and hooks his knee over the arm, watches her watch him. Yeah, he's got her. She steps forward, probably totally unconsciously, and takes a deep breath.

Closes her eyes. Damn. No hot morning sex yet then. Hot *and* dirty, he promises himself.

"My point. I - I wanted you to see it, this, first." She opens her eyes and turns back to the ocean, the sun glittering in the sky, the haze burning clean.

"I see it. You're gorgeous."

"Castle," she sighs, but her lips are quirked when she turns to look at him. "The ocean. The sun?"

"Still. You. Kate you blow it all away."

She comes to him and settles in V of his legs; she's always been a sucker for his words. Castle sits up a little and scoots back, giving her room, sliding his arm around her waist. Kate runs her fingers through the hair on his forearm, brushes her thumb over his elbow.

Her head comes back against his chest.

"I did something," she says.

"Oh?" He wants to brush his lips down the side of her neck, cross his legs over hers to hold her in place in front of him. But he has an idea that this is going to be an Active Listening conversation. One in which she'll talk a lot about something and he'll have to dig through to get to the real meat of it. Profile her.

So kissing the long, white column of her neck would be counter-productive, unfortunately.

"I talked to the Captain."

Oh. This is about professional stuff then. All righty. Where were they on that? She didn't want to take the Lieutenant's test because it came with politics. That's the last he remembers. (He remembers because he used that for the fourth Nikki Heat book, but that was ages ago. Maybe this has changed. He can be prepared for that.)

"About?"

"About you coming back."

"Kate?"

"Please?" She lifts off his chest and turns in the chair; damn, he can't say no to those eyes. Luminous and doe-like, pleading. The look she turns on him in bed when he's driven her crazy and she just wants to do it already. "Please think about it, Castle."

"Kate. The kids-"

"Dash is in kindergarten next year, that's full time. And I talked with Ellery's teacher; she said the three year old class has a five day a week program, and we both know that Ella needs that."

"Kate. I told you. I'm not putting them in five days a week for preschool. I'm not."

"I know. I knew you'd say that, but I mean, I asked and we can enroll her in the five days a week, pay for it, but only send her three days. I asked. . .they're willing to be flexible and take her any of those days, Castle. If we needed it to be Monday through Wednesday, or if it was Monday Wednesday Friday-"

"Kate. I don't know. I don't think-"

"I miss you. Damn. I hate it, but I miss you, Castle." She bites her lip and turns her head away from him. He can't remember the last time she turned away, overcome by some emotion she didn't want him to see. It's been a long time. He wonders why now.

"You miss me. I'm right here."

She laughs and shakes her head, still looking out over the ocean. "I miss you. . .professionally."

"Professionally." Well, there's something he never expected to hear. "You miss my silly theories."

She laughs, but it sounds a little hollow, a little forlorn. "I miss your smile in the precinct. I miss you teasing me in the car. I miss you bringing me coffee in the morning with your coat over your arm. I miss you sitting in that chair by my desk."

He sighs. "I miss it too, Kate."

"I know you do. And. . .and we could do this. Captain said it was fine for you to come back as a consultant for three days a week." She turns her head back to look at him, curling her knees up into the chair, suddenly made so small, compact, long lines and graceful limbs.

He can remember only a handful of times that Kate has asked for something from him. Asked like this, with pleading in her voice. One of those times was for him to leave her alone, and he refused, and she gave in to him, stayed with him in his loft while she was pregnant with Dash. Another of those times, he gave in to her, and now they have Ella.

So. Fifty-fifty on this.

"Kate, you know how it is. We get in the middle of a case and it's all I want to do. Three days? You know me. You know yourself. Are we gonna be able to limit ourselves to three days?"

"Someone has to pick up the kids," she smiles, giving him a soft brush of her fingers over his sternum. "I think we can make it work. I do."

"We're both workaholics, Kate."

"We can change."

"You don't think people can change," he reminds her, lifting an eyebrow.

"I think anything's possible with you, Rick." She leans forward and kisses his chin, the corner of his mouth.

"I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"You're very good at it, Kate." He rubs his hands down her back, shifts her hips so that she's straddling his lap. "I wholeheartedly approve of your seducing me. But."

"No buts. Just think about it."

"So this is set up for next year?"

"Um. . .could be as soon as next month. Ms. Kim agreed to let Ella into the three year old class on Wednesdays. So she'd go to the two year olds like usual, Tuesday and Thursday, and then to Ms. Jaimie's class on Wednesdays. You met her."

"Jaimie?"

"Yeah, blonde hair, tattoo on her neck?"

"Oh jeez, Kate."

"She's very nice. She and her husband have that rowdy kid, Elvis?"

"Oh, right. They named their son Elvis, Kate."

"He's cute."

"He's in Ella's class. And he talks too much."

"That's because Ella doesn't talk at all. She's got Dash at home jabbering away, and then in class, there's Elvis and Cici talking for her."

"She's started playing with Jake on the playground. Kim told me that. Have you met Jake? His mom is the one always wearing jeans?"

"Jeans," Kate murmurs, closing her eyes. "Oh. Yeah, I like her. Really casual. Low key. She always says something about my clothes. When I go." Kate shrugs and smiles at him. "She's a writer. Did you know that?"

Castle lifts an eyebrow. "She is not. Why hasn't she said anything to me?"

"I don't think she even mentioned it to me. I think it was Kim. She writes poetry."

"She does *not*," he says, startled. That tiny little girl? Well, woman. Yeah, okay, mother. Jake's mom is clearly Kate's age. Maybe a year younger. "She's a poet? I would never have guessed that."

"Jake's a good kid,"' Kate muses, stretching in the sunlight. "But back to next month. Consulting at the 12th. Dash's pre-K class is every day, Castle. And if we put Ellery in Jake's class on Wednesday's, then. . ."

She lifts an eyebrow, and he can see the hope on her face, a brittle hope. And that. How can he say no to that?

He sighs. "I'll think about it."

She smiles widely, her face more dazzling than the sun, and he'll promise her anything, agree to anything, for a smile like that.

"Oh. Oh, good." She wraps her arms around her neck and kisses his mouth, straight to the heart of him. Hot and clever, her tongue explores, her body unfolds to him.

"Are we getting to the real point?" he says, breaking off from her lips to breathe.

"The real point?" Her eyes are on his mouth; he can feel her fingers at the nape of his neck.

He grins at her, watches her pulse jump in her neck when he smiles like that. Wolfish. She told him that once. He smiles at her like a predator. Yeah. He wants to gobble her up. "The real point of touching SweatyKate."

"Dirty sex?" She laughs and lifts up to her knees, her hands trailing down his chest, and then she's moved off the lounge chair and is heading towards the sliding glass doors. "I'm gonna get a shower. You coming?"

"Not yet, I hope," he mutters darkly, getting to his feet to follow her.

She does him the favor of smiling at that and disappears inside.


	10. Chapter 10

"Kate!"

She jumps as the shower door is yanked open, his head and shoulders peering in through the steam. Her razor nicks her knee and she hisses.

"Damn it. Castle."

"I got a phone call!"

Cold air rushes into the shower, making goose bumps rise across her flesh. She grits her teeth and rubs a hand over her leg, shivering. Can't shave her legs now. "Castle. In or out."

He raises an eyebrow at her, strips his tshirt off, walks into the shower in just his shorts.

She backs up, startled, dropping her razor. "Castle." Her heart flutters. _You just had him. Here in fact. Stop it._

"Wearing my trunks, Kate." He grins at her and shuts the shower door, his turquoise swim-trunks spotting under the spray. "Shaving?"

She frowns fiercely to get rid of the sudden ache in her belly. "Not now. What are you doing?"

"I got a phone call while we were - you know - in here earlier. Voicemail. From the car rental place at the airport."

She squats down and swipes up her fallen razor, holding on to his forearm to keep her balance. He twists his arm and catches her around the wrist, his eyes excited as she stands back up.

"The rental agency. Okay. So?"

"They have Totoro!"

She jerks her head up to look at him. "What?"

"They found the little beast under a chair in the lobby, around closing time, figured out it must be ours. They waited to call until this morning."

Her heart eases; shower forgotten. "Oh my God. Oh thank you." She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against his chin, takes a gasping breath as water strikes her face.

His fingers tangle in her wet hair; he kisses her temple. "Hey, whoa, Kate. It's okay. Even if we never found Toto, it still would've been fine. No damage done."

She nods, but the relief is so great she can't even hide it. "We can go get it?"

"Oh, wait, here's the best part. They're already driving a car down to Port Isabel, so they're sending Totoro with the car. He'll be at the rental place there. All we have to do is drive over the causeway and get him."

"Oh thank you God." And she thinks she really is praying. Praising. It is that great a relief.

Castle chuckles and his fingers twist in her hair, pull her head away from him. "When I talked to the lady at the airport rental place, she said the car gets here around noon. I figure that gives us some time to hang out here, eat a late breakfast with the kids, then drive over to Port Isabel for groceries and whatever else we need."

"Perfect." She smiles at him, thinks to hold her razor away from him, and leans in to thoroughly thank his mouth. Her gratitude showers all over the place.

Castle's hand slides along her arm, to her palm, gently disarms her. He holds the razor, breaks her kiss, and grins wickedly at her.

"Can I do it?"

She swats his chest. "No, Castle. Last time I let you shave my legs, I looked like a murder victim."

He grins wider. "Yeah, but I've been practicing."

"On who?"

"Okay. I haven't been practicing. But I'd get better if you let me practice on you."

"No thanks. The ocean is salty. Practice some other time." She takes her razor back and lifts on tiptoes to get the angle just right, captures his mouth with a searing kiss.

She can feel his groan echo all the way down into her knees, in that place behind her knees where it both tickles and arouses her.

"Mmm," she murmurs. "Round two?"

"Thought you'd never ask. We should lose Totoro more often."

"Shut your mouth."

* * *

><p>Castle pulls the door shut softly and grins wider. He pads barefoot back down the hall and into the living room, practically weightless with it.<p>

Kate appears at the open sliding glass door with her sunglasses in her hand; she grins back at him with a question on her face.

Castle bounces over to her and leans down to press a kiss to her mouth. "Guess what?"

"Don't know. Tell me."

"Our son - our insomniac son? - he's asleep."

"Shut the front door." She steps back, startled, and Castle grins wider, entirely pleased with the second round of excellent news he's been able to give her today. And the way she keeps eyeing him, this more relaxed, vacation Kate who he hasn't seen so much lately-

"Can we keep score today? Please?" He steps closer to her, backing her out onto the balcony.

She slides her hands up his chest, hooks her arms around his neck. He can feel the earpiece of her sunglasses against the back of his head. "You think today we can beat our high score?"

"Hell yeah, give me half a chance." He leans down to kiss her again, feeling his blood stir in response to the very idea. "I just need to know if we're scoring by number of encounters or number of orgasms?"

"Shit," she groans, and he knows he's got her when she curses at him. She never curses at him unless she's aroused. Or really pissed. And sometimes those are the same thing.

"See, the way I figure it, we should score by the number of times I make you-"

"Oh jeez, stop. Stop," she laughs, but her body isn't saying stop. "Okay. We'll keep score today. But it's encounters, and you know it."

He grins back and loosens his hold, lets his hands spread across her lower back. He likes to build it up slowly with Kate, just because she gets frustrated so easily, gets worked up so easily. She'd do it quick and dirty every time, her teeth on his ear or clamped onto his neck, but he likes to make her suffer.

It probably says something about him. About her too. He doesn't really care. She's letting him keep score.

"And. . .can I tell Esposito and Ryan when we get back?" he adds, letting his fingertips dance along her spine, like he's playing her. Oh, he is.

She grunts and shakes her head, clearly trying to find breath or voice to refuse him.

"You gotta let me brag, Kate. Esposito's already beat our official high score twice-"

"Damn, can't let that happen," she murmurs back, brushing her cheek against his.

"Wouldn't have happened if you let me tell. He hasn't beaten our unofficial score."

She chuckles darkly; he hears the memory in that sound and his body quickens.

"Some things are just for us." She nibbles on his ear. Yup, he's so got her.

"Ah, Kate. Since we are keeping score? Let me point out: the kids are both still asleep; it's a fucking miracle."

She laughs out loud, pressing her forehead against his chest, her sides shaking with mirth. "Please promise me you never tell our son that you pray for opportunities to have sex. Not now, not when he's 30."

"Only sex with you. And God seems to hear my prayers."

"Well, that *does* make it okay," she laughs. When she lifts her head to look at him, he plants a gentle kiss against her lips, belying the crude nature of his words. She sighs into him, brushes her hand along his arm, her thumb at his bicep. He loves that; she knows it, of course. Still. He loves that little touch of hers, like she's checking out his muscle, the way her fingers grip his arm. Only Kate does this.

"You're the one who said we had to go to church. Give the kids some moral discipline. So if I'm waking up early on Sundays and going to West Park, I'm gonna pray for fuc-"

"Say that word again and your miracle happens on this balcony, Castle."

"I'm good with that-"

"I am not. There are little people down there. And balconies next door. You and your filthy mouth."

"Well, you're in luck," he says, tracing the edge of her collarbone with his fingertips, pulling away from her just enough so she can see his face, he can see hers. "I moved Ella into her own room. So our bed is ours again. And I think it's lonely."

"Oh, Richard Castle, I love you."

"I thought you might."

"Let's go keep score."

* * *

><p>She wakes easily, stretches out in the sunshine creeping over the bed, feels her back pop, yawns, then opens her eyes. It's ten o'clock in the morning, she's had sex with her husband three times in about two hours, and both of her children are still asleep. Miracles all.<p>

Oh, and she's on vacation.

Kate sits up slowly, feeling her cheeks hurt she's been grinning so much. She glances over at Castle but he is dead to the world, so far gone she's pretty sure she wouldn't be able to rouse him even for four.

She leans over and kisses his forehead, brushes her fingers through his hair, cradling his skull for half a second. Then she slides out of bed and heads for the bathroom.

Back in their room again, she rifles around in her bag for her iPad, crawls into bed with it. She starts to call up the notes, then chews on her lip as she checks the time again.

Her kids can't really still be sleeping. It is just not possible.

Oh well, Ella, yes. Ellery sleeps like the one next to her. But Dashiell? No way.

Kate leaves the iPad on the bed and goes hunting for her pajama pants, neglects to find them. She did have on shorts out on the balcony - where did those go? A quick search yields nothing, so she eases open their bedroom door and listens.

Quiet. No little ears, no little eyes. She tiptoes over to their suitcase and rifles through it, looking for something to wear. She discovers that she did a horrendous packing job, of course, and she's got a pair of jeans, some shorts, and workout clothes. So she grabs a pair of Castle's plaid boxers and slides them on over her underwear.

They sit very low on her hips and she has to tuck the back of her tshirt into the waistband to give it something to hold on to. She heads towards the kids' rooms.

Ella first. Just to see. She eases open the door closest to the front door and peeks inside. The light is off but sunlight spills in around the blinds, making it easy for Kate to see her daughter's sleepy eyes.

"Hey, little Cricket, did you just wake up?" Kate comes in quietly, kneels down beside the low bunk bed. If they left Dash alone in this room, he'd be jumping off the top bunk. Ellery will sleep in the bottom one and never even think about climbing the ladder.

Okay, not true. She will attempt it as well, she just won't go at it stupidly, risking her neck. She's almost three, and so very smart. And so very determined.

Ella's fat baby cheeks are pink with a long night's sleep, and Kate reaches out to brush her fingers over her baby girl's dark hair, flicking it out of her eyes. "Did you have a good night?"

Ellery twists her face back into the pillow and burrows into her covers. Kate smiles to herself and adjusts the sheet, tugs it up over her daughter's little body, then snaps the comforter out, resettles it around Ella.

"How's that, baby?" But she doesn't expect an answer, merely leans in to kiss her cheek. "Sleep as long you like."

Kate creeps back out, pulls the door to but not shut. Today's Recovery Day, as Castle likes to call it (he's making fun of her rules for vacation), and she did promise him that on the first full day after travel, they all got to sleep late, no schedules, no plans, just be.

So as much as she'd like to wake Ellery up, jostle her into awareness, put her in some clean clothes or a swimming suit, start the day, she doesn't. Because it's Recovery Day.

Kate rolls her eyes and walks down the hall to Dash's room. The bathroom door is still closed and she cracks it open too, leaves it pulled but not closed. She has a thing about her kids being behind closed doors; it doesn't sit well with her.

She opens Dashiell's door and sticks her head in, fully expecting to see Dash watching television. She needs to cut him off. It's been hours.

But he's asleep. He's truly asleep, mouth open, arms splayed wide like he does when he's managed to get into REM sleep. She stands in the doorway, shocked, and turns her head to the television.

Cartoons have come and gone; it's a kid show about twins who live in a hotel with their witch mother and mortal father. Or something. She might be confusing a couple of these.

She takes a hesitant step inside the room, but he doesn't even stir. The sound is down low, like she asked him, and he's still got a hand on his Transformer, but the covers are piled on his chest, leaving his limbs unencumbered.

The OT said he'd do that and she was right. They bought him a weighted blanket, but it always manages to slide to the floor during the night. Kate told Rick not to even pack it, afraid they might not be able to get it through security. But Dashiell has made his own kind of weighted blanket.

She bends over his bed, reluctant to touch him and break the spell. He's sweaty under all those bedclothes, but it's normal, deep-sleep sweat. Not sick with a raging fever sweat. Which is honestly one of the only explanations for his sleeping that she's got right now.

Kate leans down and presses gentle lips to his forehead. But he's not burning up. The television strobes across the bed on a commercial and she lifts her head, studying it for a moment, absorbed.

Then she shakes her head free of it, runs a hand through her still-wet hair.

This kid is getting a television in his room the moment they get home.


	11. Chapter 11

Castle yawns and feels a foot smack into his face, jerks awake. The kid on top of him giggles.

"All right, all right. I'm up. Where'd you come from?" He wrestles his daughter closer and smacks her cheek with a wet kiss, still on his side facing the windows.

She giggles again, but her shoulders slump as she looks around the room. After a moment, Castle realizes she's looking for her stuffed animal.

"Oh, sorry, baby," he whispers, cuddling her closer. "Totoro isn't here."

Ella's face wilts and she curls into his chest.

"We'll find him. I promise." Because he knows already where Totoro is, hopes it is, but he doesn't want to mention it, just in case the rental company has found some other kid's toy, or in case it is hers, but it gets lost in transit. He's learned the hard way not to make those kinds of assumptions. "So, has Mommy fed you breakfast?"

"Huh?"

Startled, Castle turns over and sees Kate beside him, struggling awake.

"No way," he breathes, gives Ellery a wide-eyed look. "Mommy was asleep?"

Kate blinks. "Oh no. What *time* is it?"

Castle checks the clock beside his bed. "Uh. Wow. It's nearly eleven."

"Oh jeez. I *hate* Recovery Day." Kate scrambles out of bed for the bathroom; Castle watches the iPad slip to the floor. Oh well, it's in the case.

Ellery crawls off of him, then drops to the floor slowly, using her arms to cling to the comforter as she goes. She picks up Kate's iPad and gives her father a slow, delighted smile, her head barely clearing the top of the bed.

"Okay, all right. Since mommy left it. Crawl up with me, Cricket."

Ella places the iPad on the bed with both hands, giving him a cheeky smile, then hauls herself back up, tottering for a moment before she makes it. Castle grabs the iPad and wakes it up, tugs Ella into his arms.

Kate comes back into their room brushing her teeth. "I'm starving," she says around her toothbrush.

"I brought some stuff with us, but not a whole lot," Castle replies, tapping the screen. Ella's favorite matching game takes over the iPad and he places it in her lap. She grins at him and starts matching the cow to the calf, the sheep to the lamb.

"Any peanut butter?"

"Uh. Yeah, actually."

"That'll help. I ran 6 miles on toast, didn't eat anything when I got back."

"Kate," he growls, frowning at her.

"I know; I just forgot. You kinda - interrupted me."

"Me? How did I - oh." He grins and quirks his eyebrow. "I did."

"I'll have some peanut butter on bread." She sighs, shoulders slumping, and he's struck by how Ella's mannerisms are so much like Kate's. "We need to make a grocery list."

"I did that already."

She pauses mid-pivot, her face turning back to look at him. "Shut up. You did not."

"I did."

"Richard Castle, you are an amazing man," she breathes and comes over to the bed to grasp his ears and kiss him. Hard. He can taste her toothpaste.

"Well thanks. Minty fresh." He laughs and knocks her hand away from his ear. She heads back for the sink.

"Did you plan out dinners for the kids too?"

"Yeah. Kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Uhh. . ." Castle reaches down and covers Ella's ears. "Pizza every night?"

Kate raises an eyebrow. "Every night?"

He shrugs.

"Oh, what the hell. It's vacation."

"Language."

"You covered her ears," Kate says, shrugging at him and turning back to the bathroom. He hears the water running and strokes the hair back from Ellery's face.

"You heard everything, didn't you?"

Ella's face turns up to him, wide blue eyes. She nods.

"That's what I thought."

Kate comes back into the room, pulling her hair back halfway, pieces spilling over her ears, into her mouth as she hurries. She scrapes them out, frowning, then holds her hands out to Ella.

"Hey, baby girl. Want some. . .brunch? Lunch? What are we doing here, Castle?"

"PB for everyone? We'll run into town for groceries and Tot. . .uh. . ." He lifts his eyebrows and nods his head towards Ellery. Maybe she has a different opinion?

Kate shakes her head.

"For the other thing," he finishes. "They won't starve."

"I might," she growls, and pecks Ella on the cheek. "Let's go. Daddy, can you get Dash?"

"Let me put on some jeans." Kate's still in her leggings and oversized shirt. "You want to change first?"

"I'll do that after I get them eating."

"And you. Don't you forget to eat."

"Not gonna happen," she assures him, pushing on his shoulder as she moves towards the door.

"Good. Gotta fuel up for the marathon." He waits half a second for her to get his innuendo, then smiles widely at the dark heat in her eyes. "Yeah. That's right."

"Hush," she murmurs and leans in to brush a soft kiss to his mouth. "But soon."

She leaves with Ella, and he has to sit there for a second, gather himself back together.

* * *

><p>Castle walks into the kitchen with a sleepy boy in his arms. Kate turns to watch them, still stunned by it. Her son slept in.<p>

He shrugs. "I had to wake him up. It feels so wrong."

She huffs a laugh and nods to the other chair pulled up to the bar. "If he'll eat."

Ellery lifts up on her knees and pats her brother's back as Castle passes by. She seems anxious to see Dash so drowsy. But the boy lifts his head and cracks a wide yawn, then opens his eyes.

"Peanut butter on bread?"

"Yeah, all we got." Kate crams the last of her own slice into her mouth and watches Castle settle the kid into his chair. Dashiell looks a little sluggish at first, but he yawns again and then folds his bread over and starts to eat.

Kate changed into shorts and an oversized green shirt while Castle was waking up their son, so she's a little ahead of schedule. Well, no schedule on Recovery Day, but if they want to pick up Totoro and then get groceries and still have some daylight left for the beach, they need to be on their way in the next thirty minutes.

Castle brushes his hand across Dash's head, ruffling his hair, and takes the slice that Kate holds out to him. She watches him settle onto the last bar stool, watches him glance over at both his kids, subtly hovering, making sure Ellery is actually eating, making sure Dash isn't taking too big a bite. His eyes shift to hers, a questioning smile as he finds her looking.

She gives him a ghost of a smile and shrugs. He loves his kids. She loves watching him love his kids.

Kate remembers the look on his face when she told him she was pregnant with Ella, the way everything in him lighted up. A quiet morning between them before she headed to work, still lingering in bed, his hand making idle circles over her stomach; her certainty had been with her all night. She had a doctor's appointment scheduled for later in the week, but she couldn't possibly keep it from him any longer.

She remembers the surprise that washed over his face first, and then the long, slow unfolding of his joy. Her heart clenches even now, with the memory. Her children's father.

She lowers her head to look at her water glass, changes the subject mentally. "I was watching your Mom's show the other day-"

His laughter echoes in the kitchen. "Which one?"

She lifts her eyes to his, quirks a smile. "Hulk."

"You're kidding. It was on tv?"

"That Retro channel we have." Kate brushes her hair back and licks peanut butter off her thumb. "Anyway. It occurred to me that you never talk about your mom's work."

He sighs and sits down at the kitchen bar. "I was eight. For that tv series."

"Were you. . .there? On set?"

Dashiell bumps his cup and the thing topples loudly. Castle rights it, handing it back, and Kate is grateful she went with the sippy cup for him, even though he often complains about it being for babies.

"I was on set for that one, yeah."

"What's that like?" She shifts and leans a hip against the counter, watching him. A few days after Ellery was born, Castle initiated a version of Truth or Dare, trying to help keep her awake during feedings. They adapt the rules a little more each time, alter it whenever the need arises, but she likes pulling it out at random times, asking him questions when he's not on top of his game. She gets better answers this way, less of a chance for him to make up some great, flowery sentence designed to romanticize his subject.

"Mostly boring. I honestly don't remember much."

"But you were on a tv set. Why don't you remember?"

He shrugs. "You know me."

"Yeah, yeah, your brain has repressed the painful memories of childhood." She rolls her eyes at him and leans onto the counter, knowing that her oversized shirt dips in front, that she gives him just enough of a view to distract him.

He's easily distracted though. When it comes to her. Which makes her smile.

He takes a long look, then glances up at her. "Actually, that-" he points to her teasing position "-isn't working. So there."

She grins back, straightens up. "Too bad. We could've gone for four."

"That's so not funny. And impossible with little ears."

"Not impossible, just. . .problematic. I thought you were up to the challenge, Castle."

He growls at her just under his breath; Ellery swivels her head to look at him.

Kate grins to herself and sips at her water again. "So. Being on set."

He shrugs. "Uh, let's see. From what little I remember. . .oh, there was a tutor my mother hired. He spent most of his time with her, not me, so I had lots of free time. I roamed around, got lost in the props trailer, had my face made up to look like a lion by the makeup artist."

She grins, superimposing the golden lines over a young boy's face in her mind's eye. "Did you sneak off and meet the Hulk?"

"Of course I did. And because I was only eight, I made the mistake of asking him to sign one of my comic books. I thought he was like. . .Hulk himself."

"You did not," she laughs, trying to picture an eight year old Rick asking the actor to sign his comic book, maybe still with his face painted, eager and ferocious at the same time.

"Yeah and he signed it for me. He was in his green paint and stuff at the time, so it was a little. . .overwhelming. I kept expecting him to rip me apart. Be angry. But he was mostly just uninterested."

She smiles softly and comes around the kitchen island to his side, nudging him with her hip. He slides over a little and she sits on a third of the stool, keeping one foot on the floor to maintain her balance.

"That's a good one," she murmurs, and kisses his shoulder.

"Thanks for playing."

"I had a really good Dare in mind."

"I'll just bet you did," he laughs. "That's why I did my best to answer."

"Your turn?"

"I'll think of something. Ready to get going?"

"Yup. I'm gonna be starving in a couple of hours." She kisses his cheek again and slides off the stool. "You grab the list. And your deep pockets, yeah?"

"Got it covered."

"Hey kiddos, you wanna go get some groceries?" She reaches for Dashiell but he pulls back, disdaining her offer of help to get down by himself. As if in consolation, Ellery holds out her hands to her mother, head tilted, small smile on her face.

"Aw, thank you, sweet girl. Let's get you guys dressed." Kate grabs her daughter and hugs her tight, rubbing her back.

When Ella was still a tiny thing, she would curl up really close to Kate, her little baby hands making fists in Kate's shirt. If Kate went to put her down, the girl would mewl and clutch tighter, as if she couldn't bear to be away from her mother. She never really cried, just little whimpers.

If Ellery had been her first, Kate's pretty sure it would've made her nuts, put her on edge to be so tethered. But instead, she spent hours holding her daughter while she slept, marveling over her, secretly loving that the girl needed her, wanted her so close. She thinks, deep down, that wanting Ellery so badly from the first had made the difference.

Kate hugs her girl a little tighter and heads back for her room, following Dash down the hall. "Let's get some clothes on, okay?"

Ellery squeezes her neck then pulls back with a suddenly sad and pathetic face.

"Oh, baby, what's wrong?"

Ella's face drops further. Sorrow shimmers in her eyes, then her lips part.

"Toto," she whispers.

Kate sighs. "I know. I know you miss him."

She's tempted to give in and promise the girl she'll have the stuffed animal back, today, but she's been burned on that one before.

She keeps her mouth shut, but she holds Ella closer.


	12. Chapter 12

The black rental is parked in the lot just outside the high-rise condominiums, the parking tag hanging from the rearview mirror. Castle keeps hold of the boy with a tight grip around his upper arm, since Dash has a tendency to run off at a moment's notice.

Behind them, Kate holds Ellery's hand as they walk across the parking lot, the girl at her own pace, slow and a little dreamy. They are falling further and further behind the fast-moving Dashiell, but Kate seems content to let the girl go as slow as she likes.

They are on vacation, after all. Castle opens the back door of their rented SUV and starts wrestling Dash into his booster seat, an arm across the boy's shoulders as he fights it.

"On your sitter," Castle grunts, narrowly avoiding an elbow in the eye.

Kate chuckles as she and Ella get to the car, and she bends down to pick up their daughter. "Your brother is excited, isn't he?"

Dash is growling at him. "But Daddy, I'm a T-rex. And T-rex don't go in the car. He don't sit-"

"But four year-old T-rex's do sit. Daddy T-rex will ask him to sit because he wants his son to be safe."

"No car. No seat." Dash jerks forward, arching his back. "T-rex is very very mad at his daddy."

Castle lifts his arm from his son's shoulders and tries a different tack. "Buddy, we gotta get T-rex some dino food. And we can't do that until T-rex sits down and gets strapped in."

Kate settles Ellery into her car seat, carefully threading her arms through the straps and clicking them into place. "Hey, sweet girl, you in?"

Castle watches Ella nod and pat her chest over the straps, as if to confirm her safety.

Dash, on the other hand, wraps his arms around the headrest of the driver's seat, clinging to it. "Daddy, I don't like the strap across me. It rubs. It hurts me, Daddy."

Dramatic little thing. "Yeah, kiddo, I know. But remember what Ms Julie said? This is on the list of things we can't change. Seat belts have to go on. After awhile, Ms. Julie says they'll not feel so bad."

Dashiell sighs and presses his face into the headrest, standing on the booster seat instead of sitting down. "It needs to be awhile now."

Kate glances up at them. "Dashiell."

Her son glances over at her with a mutinous look on his face. "No, Mommy!"

"Dashiell."

Castle leans in close and murmurs into his ear. "Dashiell. Respect. Sit down or you don't get your reward."

Dash sighs and sinks back down into his seat. His father straps him in and shakes his head at Kate, giving her a little smile. Their behavioral therapist, Julie, has given them a lot of great ideas for overcoming Dash's sensory issues, but it doesn't mean he always likes bribing his kid. Dash will get to pick out something at the grocery store for wearing his seatbelt.

Kate gives him a raised eyebrow across the kids. "Not a bribe, Castle. Contingency."

He laughs on a sigh, because she knows him too well (they've had this discussion before), and they both climb into the front seats. Kate connects her iphone to the stereo while Castle starts the car and glances behind them to pull out. When the kids' cd starts blaring, she switches the input with a jab of her finger.

"What's up with you?" he says, watching for cars in the lot.

"I'm not listening to another second of 'Yellow Bus.' This is my vacation too."

Castle laughs as they exit the parking lot, heading for the main drag. "All right. So what are we listening to instead?"

"You'll see," she says, smirking at him.

After a second, the low-fi sound ripples from the speakers with that strong beat that they both love. Castle grins at her.

"The Black Keys. Excellent. This is good for a drive back into town. Remember the first time we played this album?"

She smirks. "That's why I picked it."

He grunts and rubs a hand at the back of his neck as they merge into traffic on the Causeway. "You're really trying to drive me nuts, aren't you?"

"A little bit."

Whew. The first time they played this album, they'd left Dash with his mother and spent all evening in bed together. Mostly because he'd been so. . .afraid for her life.

On that day nearly four years ago, Esposito called him asking if Kate was with him. She hadn't been; she was supposed to be working a gang-related shooting death. The detective told Castle it might be true that Beckett, after arresting a gang member's little brother, now had a price on her head, and Esposito hadn't been able to reach her. When Castle called her phone, it had rung and rung, but she hadn't picked up.

He spent an hour trying her phone, and then he'd decided he couldn't sit at home like a silly house husband, waiting for the worst. Not when he could be of some help to the boys in tracking her down. So he met his mother at her apartment, dropped Dash with her, and went straight to the precinct.

He had just started retracing Kate's steps with Espo's help when Kate had called him back.

"Is Dash okay?" she asked. "You called 12 times."

"Are *you* okay?"

"Castle-"

"Dash is fine. Fine. Kate, where the hell have you been?"

And then she explained that she'd been at Riker's Island interviewing another gang member; her phone had been with her stuff at the guards' station. She apologized for not letting Esposito know; it'd been a last minute thing-

When Kate arrived at the 12th twenty minutes later, he almost hadn't been able to stand up under his relief. He grabbed her tight and crushed her against him, ignoring the boys, ignoring the Captain, ignoring her soft umph as he practically knocked the breath out of her. And then he'd kissed her, hard, deep, and hadn't care about their audience.

He took her home, leaving Dash with his mother, cranked his stereo as loud as he dared, needing the raw sound of The Black Keys to relieve the crackling tension in his nerves. Kate undressed in the dim light of the living room, the music threading around them, her movements slow, and her eyes on his, until he felt that he could touch her without breaking apart.

He's pretty certain that's the night they made Ellery.

* * *

><p>Kate lets the words of the song wash over her, smirking to herself at the look on Castle's face. If they're keeping score today, she wants to keep him. . .in the mood.<p>

If? Oh, yeah, they definitely are. Even with the kids, she's looking to set a record. Perfect day for it. The sun is gorgeous, the kids slept in, *slept* in, and even with Dash's little fit over the seatbelt, she feels close to good. If they really do get Totoro back, then the day will be perfect.

She glances over her shoulder at the two little faces. Dashiell has pulled out a couple of action figures from his travel bag; he makes fighting noises as he bashes them together. Ellery is grinning at Dash, watching him play, but Kate thinks the little girl is humming.

Humming along to the song.

Kate leans forward and turns it down, holding a finger up to Castle's protest, straining her ears for Ellery's little voice.

She is. She's humming to the music. She might even be. . .singing? Her own made up words?

"You hear that?" Kate asks him softly, jerking her head to the back.

Castle narrows his eyes, then nods. "She's singing."

Kate chews on her lower lip, her heart squeezing at the faint little voice. She glances once more over her shoulder, but Ella doesn't seem to notice that her parents are watching her, that they're listening intently. She's not really on key, of course, but she sounds beautiful.

"Has she done this before?" Kate asks him.

"No. Not. . .no." He shakes his head and glances at her quickly, then back to the road. "Of course, I'm not usually playing The Black Keys for her."

Kate grins. "Forget 'Yellow Bus' then. The baby needs some good music."

"Baby needs The Black Keys?" Castle laughs at her.

"Yeah, listen to that." She smiles and closes her eyes to concentrate on the soft voice murmuring made up words behind her. "And some TV on the Radio. Don't you think?"

Castle leans back in his seat, casts a quick look behind him at Ellery. "Sure. Who else? Oh, Kings of Leon. And probably The White Stripes."

Kate grins at him, her heart practically racing, a combination of relief at hearing her daughter so. . .engaged, and arousal. Because it is The Black Keys after all. It's just too perfect, too appropriate that the album that was probably the soundtrack to their daughter's creation is also the album to garner her interest. "White Stripes is good. Arcade Fire?"

Castle chuckles. "No doubt. This girl has discerning taste. And Arcade Fire have a couple songs in French, don't they?"

Kate leans forward and turns the music back up a little, certain Ellery will stop singing if she knows they can hear her. "Mm, in French, yeah. That would be good. We can make Cricket a playlist."

Castle reaches over and grabs her hand, squeezing, then laces their fingers together. She glances back once more, risking it, and Ella is reaching across the distance to grab the Batman that Dash is holding out to her. She pats the Batman a few times, then hands it back, apparently part of some play ritual with her brother. It looks kind of like Ellery was doctoring Batman.

Then Ella is flopping back in her car seat and her eyes meet Kate's, her dark hair hanging in her blue eyes. She grins at her mother and blows a kiss.

Kate's chest tightens and she blows Ellery a kiss back, grinning like a fool, unable to help it. She can't wait to get Totoro back for that beautiful girl.

* * *

><p>Castle parks in the lot of the rental place and turns off the ignition. Kate pushes her sunglasses up on her head and glances over her shoulder at the kids.<p>

"Ellery, wanna go in with Daddy?"

Dash reaches for his seat belt.

"No, Dash. You stay with me."

Castle gives her a surprised look, but he rolls with it, unbuckling his seat belt. For some reason, Kate's giving him this moment. Maybe because she still feels guilty about not keeping track of the stuffed animal in the first place.

Which is ridiculous, but it's impossible to convince Kate she's wrong.

He pops open his door, gets out, and unlocks Ella's too. The girl is in her car seat, her arms up to him, her hair mussed by the way she keeps pushing it off her face. Castle releases the catch, unhooks the complicated restraint system, and maneuvers her arms out of the straps.

Ellery draws her knees up, and he reaches for her, lifting her out of the seat. Dashiell is telling Kate a long and complicated story about his dinosaur, something to do with jello - Castle has no idea why - and Kate is murmuring absently back.

"Okay, baby, let's go see what we can find." Castle shuts her door and carries the girl into the rental office with him.

Inside, he takes off his sunglasses and shoves them into the pocket on the leg of his cargo shorts. Ella leans in his arms to look around the free-standing display in the center of the lobby; she's probably looking for the employees. Ella always likes to know where the people are, watch them at whatever they're doing.

Since she's got a radar about this thing, Castle follows her line of sight to the back of the space. A woman is sitting at a desk far behind a counter, her head bent over, nearly invisible. He probably would have missed her without Ellery's help.

He walks up to the counter and adjusts Ella in his grip. "I'm Rick Castle. I got a phone call saying that the rental office in Brownsville found something of my daughter's-?"

"Oh yes. They sent it down with one of the cars. Let me go get it." The woman behind the counter gives him a full smile and stands up, heading towards the back, disappearing through a door.

Castle sits Ellery on the counter and combs his fingers through her dark hair. She watches him a moment, then closes her eyes like she's relishing the touch. Her eyes startle open again, brilliant and pale blue, almost grey, and she grins at him, wriggling a little side to side.

"Hey there, baby."

"Here you go, sir-" The woman returns with a plastic bag, from which she withdraws the ragged Totoro.

Ella has turned at the woman's voice, and now his daughter's mouth drops open and she lunges for the stuffed animal, grabbing him up into a fierce hug. The woman laughs and relinquishes the toy easily, even as Castle has to grab his daughter around the waist to keep her from falling off the counter.

"Thank you so much," Castle says, gathering Ellery into his arms again. She curls her body around the stuffed animal like she won't ever let go of it again.

He ducks his head to look at her. The wide blue eyes brim with joy, her little arms strangle the poor thing's body. Ellery lifts up and throws an arm around his neck too, including her father in her overwhelmed gratitude.

"Hey, Ella, I told you we'd get him back." He clears his throat and has to ease her arm around his neck. "Can you tell the lady thank you?"

He doesn't expect a sound, but Ella turns immediately to the woman.

"Thank you." Her voice is intense, strong, vibrant. Nothing like her voice at all. Nothing like anything he's ever heard out of her mouth before.

His heart clenches but the woman just smiles like it's normal for a two year old to talk. "You're very welcome."

It *is* normal for a two year old - almost three - to talk. Just not *his* little girl.

"Very good job saying thank you, sweet girl," he murmurs, remembering just in time to praise her for speaking. _Reward the good behavior_, Julie's voice in his head instructs.

Castle palms his daughter's skull as he turns around, keeping her close against him. He heads back out for the car and Kate, so sorry she missed this, so stunned he's heard it at all.

"I know you're so happy to have him back, aren't you?" he says, turning his head to kiss Ella's cheek.

She squeezes him tighter, her Totoro safe between them, still with an arm clutched around him. "Daddy," she breathes into his ear, her voice alive with wonder.

"I know," he chokes. "I know, baby girl. We must have left him at the place we picked up our car. And they drove him down to meet us. Wasn't that nice of them?"

"Daddy," she says again, and he can actually hear the joy in her voice, like it's got a sound all its own, a presence that gives her voice volume and strength.

"Yeah," he manages to answer. Two _Daddys_ from her in the last thirty seconds.

Ella curls up again, cradling Totoro in the curve of her body, leaving one arm hooked around his neck as he opens the back door for her.

Kate is turned around in her seat and she smiles at them as Castle lifts her up. "Hey, baby girl."

As Castle starts working Ella's arms through the straps of her car seat, the little girl holds up her stuffed animal. "Mommy. Look."

Castle stills, glances over to Kate's face. He can see her heart twisting in her eyes.

She clears her throat. "I see him, baby. They found Totoro. Aren't you so glad?"

Ellery squeezes Totoro against her chest, closing her brilliant blue eyes. Her hair brushes the stuffed animal's face as she bows over him.

And then Castle hears his daughter's voice again - again - and it's like a miracle.

"I so glad, Mommy."


	13. Chapter 13

At Wal-Mart, Kate hops out of the car quickly, making it to Castle's side before he can open up the kids' doors.

She grabs his forearm. "It's a long list. Let's divide it in half, each take a kid, and meet back here. That way maybe we can get them out to the beach and wear them out."

She lifts her eyebrows at him and Castle grins back, the leonine look on his face.. Actually, *just* like a lion, who lazes around under a tree and let's the lioness come to him.

Oh, he's really perfected this, hasn't he?

And she'll come every time.

"Sounds like a perfect plan," he murmurs, leaning forward to brush her lips.

"And since Daddy made the list," she says back, turning her cheek into his for a brief moment. "Daddy gets the easy one."

"Kate-"

"Seriously. Me and Dash will crash through the whole place together."

He pulls back and gives her a look. "But it's your vacation too."

She smirks at him and strokes a quick finger down his chest. "And yours too. Let me spend time with my best boy."

He snorts at her and wraps his arm around her neck, blowing a raspberry into her cheek with a loud burst of air. She elbows him and jerks away, narrowing her eyes to keep the laughter from bubbling up.

"Watch it, mister."

"Uh-huh. I ain't afraid of you. We're still keeping score, remember?"

"So?" she shoots back, throwing open Dashiell's door as Castle moves around to Ellery's.

"That means you need me," he calls over the car, smirking.

She lifts Dash from the booster seat (he's already undone his seat belt, of course), and when her son's feet hit the ground, she looks back to Castle and lets him see the naked lust in her eyes.

He gulps.

She smirks. "Yeah, I do. Hurry back."

She grabs hold of her son's hand and shuts the door, reaching into her back pocket to make sure she's got the credit card.

She heads for Wal-Mart, leaving her husband in the dust.

* * *

><p>The moment Kate and Dashiell step into Wal-Mart, Dash begins to fall apart.<p>

He hangs from her hand and whines, his eyes squinting shut, dangling like a tetherball at the end of a rope, twining around her legs. Kate half-carries her four year old to the jewelry section, pulls down spiderman sunglasses from a display, and slides them onto his nose.

Dash stills, blinking. He looks out at her from behind the dark lenses, mashes them closer to his face with two hands, like he used to do as a toddler. "Can I see?"

"Yeah, mirror right there." She turns him around and guides him to the thin mirror glued to the rack. He twists his head back and forth.

"These are cool!"

"Yeah? We'll get them for you. Mommy forgot to bring yours with us. You'll have two pairs now."

Because Mommy didn't think about the fact that Wal-Mart's fluorescent lights would hurt his eyes. Mommy needs to pay attention.

"Can you hear them?" she asks him, tugging him by the hand to follow her back to the entrance, where they left the shopping cart.

"Mmm, yeah."

"What do they sound like?"

"Bugs," he says with a grin. "Sawing bugs. All night sawing."

Cicadas then. Something like that. She flicks her eyes to the lights overhead then back to her son. "And do you see them?"

"Not so much now."

"Good. Can you use your words when the noise gets bad?"

His face twists. "I try, Mommy. I do try-"

"I know, I know. I'm not mad."

Dashiell's little hand squeezes around hers; he mashes the side of his face into her thigh, tripping her. She stops in the aisle to squat down next to him, wrapping her arms around him, grateful that Rick isn't here.

Castle babies him, but she doesn't. So when Dash *does* seek her out for comfort, she can't help cradling him close, like she used to when he was a newborn and couldn't sleep. When Dash wants her attention, she can't help pouring it out.

After a moment, Kate kisses his neck, blows a raspberry like Castle did to her earlier, making Dash shriek with giggles.

"Mommy, Mommy-"

"No more sad cloud today, Dash."

"No more sad cloud," he promises, laughing again as she squeezes that spot above his knee. He jerks with a screaming laugh.

"You know I'm never mad at you for this, right, my man?" She stands up again and takes his hand. "It's not your fault. This is just how your brain works."

He sighs and trudges alongside her. "My brain is stupid."

She flicks his hand to get his attention. "No. Your brain is smart. Your brain is so smart it takes in everything, all the little things. The way the lights flicker fast, the way they hum, the people, the PA system, the carts squeaking, the cans falling off that shelf-"

"Yeah," he says softly.

"All of it. My brain doesn't do that, Dash. It doesn't think that stuff is important so it ignores it. I don't hear the lights. I don't see them flicker fast. My brain tells me that it's all the same light, that the noise isn't there."

"But your brain sees bad guys," he replies, using Castle's next line in the story they've created for their son. A story to explain why he has trouble with things sometimes.

"It does. My brain sees how bad guys work, like a flickering light. Daddy's brain-"

"Daddy's brain sees words. Words filling up a page," he grins. Dash has heard this story a lot.

Kate nods, walking him back to the empty shopping cart. She leans down and kisses his forehead in a display of affection he would have curled his nose at fifteen minutes ago. She hoists him into the basket and lets him stand there as she pushes.

Dash turns to look at her, lifting his arms to balance in the basket like he's on a surf board. "What does Ellery's brain see?"

Kate goes blank. "I don't - what do *you* think her brain sees?"

Dashiell frowns and looks over his shoulder at her, then back out to the crowded Wal-Mart. Kate can guess that the people, the wide warehouse echoes, the lights are still working like fingernails on a chalkboard for Dash.

How he can concentrate at all is beyond her. Of course, it has gotten so much better since he was littler. The therapist thinks he's slowly beginning to integrate his senses more fully, have them work with each other instead of against each other. His brain is learning how to make schemas and patterns, learning how to filter the noise. Slowly.

She swallows past the lump in her throat and keeps pushing the cart towards the cereal, first on her list.

"I think Ellery's brain sees people," Dash says suddenly.

"Oh?"

"Ella likes people."

"Kiddo, Ella doesn't like to talk to anyone. What makes you think she likes people?"

"She doesn't have to talk to them to know."

Know? "Know what?"

Dash gives her a glance out of the corner of his eye, like he does when he's overstimulated, not able to look at her directly. "Just. . .know. Everything."

Everything?

Goose bumps ripple across her skin, but that's ridiculous. Ella doesn't have ESP or anything; she's just a stubborn little girl who would rather let her brother do all the work.

Ha. Too clever by half.

"Ellery knows when I'm sad. She comes and gives me a hug."

"Oh. Yes. She's good at that."

"She knows when Daddy is sad too."

"Does she give Daddy a hug?"

"Yes."

"Ella gives good hugs," Kate smiles.

"Mommy why do people get sad?"

Oh jeez, today is going to be the Arabian Nights, isn't it? Castle's term for when Dashiell tells a thousand stories to put off bedtime as long as possible - Arabian Nights. Or when he asks questions all day long, one after another, an endless string of questioning.

Still, she's got to answer him. Ignoring the question only makes him increase in volume. He doesn't give up. "People get sad because someone is missing or dead, or they get sad because something bad happened to them, or someone hurt them."

"Do I make you sad sometimes?"

"No, baby. You never make me sad. You make me happy." She ducks forward and presses her lips to his forehead, cradling the back of his head.

He doesn't look. . .traumatized. He just looks interested in the answer, as if he's never thought of this idea before.

"Are you sad sometimes ever?"

"Sometimes. It's okay to be sad, remember? But we don't like to stay sad."

"What things make you sad?"

She shrugs and gathers a few boxes of instant mac and cheese from the end cap on the cereal aisle.

"Does not having your mommy make you sad?"

"Yes." Kate checks the list and grabs Cheerios, then hunts for Castle's Raisin Bran.

"But I make you happy."

She grins, loving his self-satisfied, puffing chest. "Yes, baby, you make me happy."

"And Ellery too."

"And Ellery." Kate adds the cereal to the basket, letting Dashiell stack it up neatly at his feet.

"And Daddy."

She chews on her lip and sees Dashiell's interested face. "Most especially your Daddy."

"Why most especially?"

"Because Daddy gave me you and Ella."

"Oh." Dashiell accepts the box of Kashi from her and stacks it too. "Did Daddy buy us?"

Kate laughs. "No. You know where babies come from."

"But I was never - Oh! You mean *I* came from. . .from that too?"

"That?"

"The swimmer and the pool."

Kate bites down hard on her lip to keep from laughing. Castle and his damn stories again. "Yes. From the. . .swimmer and the pool."

"Oh, ew."

"Ew?" Kate cuffs his ear lightly and narrows her eyes at him, grinning behind her playful irritation. "That's Mommy's pool, you _brat_."

Dash laughs hard and sits down. "_Brat_ means brother."

Surprised pride flickers through her. "Yeah, baby, good job. _Brat_ means brother in Croatian. But it sonds different."

"I 'member that."

"You did good."

"Ellery tells me _brat _sometimes. Cause I'm a brother. But Ellery is a sister."

"Ellery has a brother. And you have a sister, yes."

"Do you have a sister?"

"No."

"Does Daddy?"

"Nope."

"Why do I?"

She smirks, grabbing turkey hot dogs from the deli section, a huge package of lunch meat, and some cheese. "You have a sister because Mommy and Daddy wanted to give you someone to play with, to have fun with, to help. And because we love each other. And we love you. And we love Ellery."

"Why don't I have two sisters then?"

"You do have two sisters. Ellery and Alexis." A fist clenches around her heart. She's got to make sure Alexis is coming. She *has* to come. She wants Dash and Alexis, Ellery and Alexis to have that bond again, like when Alexis was in college.

Dash grabs the three packages of bread from her. "No. I mean. . .sisters to play with. Little ones. Why not two of those?"

Oh. Well. "Um. Because we thought two little kids was enough? You and Ellery."

"Enough for what?"

Damn. She will *never* get ahead of this. "Enough for our family."

"Can I have a brother?"

Oh for crying out loud. "No."

Dashiell glances at her in surprise, his mouth dropping open. Kate lifts an eyebrow at him in challenge, but he's got nothing to say to that.

Score one for Mommy.

* * *

><p>Ella doesn't want to let go of her Totoro. Castle does the stupid thing, the easy thing, and lets her keep him with her.<p>

"All right. In you go, Ella-bean." He lifts her into the basket seat, brushes her hair back from her face.

He keeps a paranoid eye on Toto and tries to follow his list. He keeps adding cool things like marshmallows in the shape of dinosaurs and BBQ cheese puffs and Arnold Palmer lemonade. He does grab a couple bottles of Kate's favorite wine, the 'expensive' stuff she hates for him to buy, and a bottle of good scotch.

"Dash gets a reward for leaving his seat belt on. And guess what? You get a reward for saying all those beautiful words. You told the nice lady thank you and you said Daddy and Mommy. Remember?"

She nods and grins at him.

"So. What do you want for your reward?"

She tilts her head and scrunches up her face.

"Okay, you think about it."

Ella pats Totoro.

"Yeah, you and Toto think about it."

He grabs five frozen pizzas and adds them to the cart, then scans the long aisle for frozen fish sticks. So nutritious this week. Hopefully, it won't kill them. Right? For good measure, he grabs a package of frozen green beans and tosses that in as well.

Kate usually likes those edamames; he finds them close by and adds them to the cart. A huge bag of frozen fruit. Two, just in case. Ellery pokes at the picture of the strawberries and grins.

Apparently, she approves. "You like strawberries, right? And Dash likes blueberries. Let's see if they have those. . ."

He finds frozen blueberries, piles that bag in the cart as well. "Anything else, baby girl?"

Silence of course. They are back to silence.

He grabs frozen boneless chicken, a big bag of salad, and tries to be good about going down his list. Make it back quickly.

His phone vibrates with a text and he pulls it out with one hand.

_Dash wants to know if you have hot sauce and ice cream on the list._

Oops. He composes a text back.

_Forgot hsauce. Ice cream is a go. If you get the hs, can you also get condiments?_

And after a couple seconds, he texts again, a grin on his face.

_No, Kate, I said condiments - you know, mustard, ketchup, etc. Get your mind out of the gutter._

Even though Kate's got to be on the other side of the store right now, he can almost hear her laughing.

* * *

><p>They happen to meet up on the cookie aisle. He's not entirely surprised. Dash is clutching oreos to his chest with a grin, interesting sunglasses shielding his eyes. He must have picked those out for his reward.<p>

Castle is pushing his cart towards the crackers, going past the two of them. Ellery is waving at her brother.

"Mm, hot mama," he whistles.

Kate narrows her eyes at him, but he leans over and steals a kiss from her as they pass.

She chuckles into his mouth, and he lifts his eyes back to the aisle in time to see an older woman giving him a strange look. Whatever. He and his wife have always done things differently.

"Did you find the hot sauce?" he calls over his shoulder.

"Got it."

"And ice cream, Daddy?" Dashiell yells.

Castle grins. "Four kinds."

"Castle!"

He leans in to Ellery and kisses her smiling face. "Too late. Right, baby? Mommy is way way too late."


	14. Chapter 14

Castle tucks Totoro in next to Ellery and kisses her forehead, making sure the straps of her car seat are tight and clicked home. She gives him a big grin and wraps an arm around his neck, as best she can, kissing his cheek.

"Thanks, sweet girl," he murmurs, and kisses her again. He glances over at Dashiell, but the boy is bouncing in his booster seat, using the driver's headrest to launch himself higher and higher.

Castle chooses to ignore that, picking his battles. He shuts Ellery's door and moves around to the back of the SUV. Kate is arranging the groceries they bought, trying to keep things from spilling or melting on the drive back to the condo. She has a system that Castle has never been able to replicate.

She stops and pushes her hair out of her face. "Hey, did you happen to get the kids any veggies?"

He feels proud of himself for remembering. "Yup. Big bag. Frozen."

Kate grins and lifts up on her toes to kiss him. "Good job, Daddy."

"I prefer 'stud' but that works." He wriggles an eyebrow at her and chuckles.

"What about Big Daddy?" she says, sliding her body against his, brushing her fingers along his forearm and down.

He shudders and clutches at her reflexively. "You've gotta stop that."

"What's the matter, Castle? Can't control yourself in a public parking lot? Another charge of indecent exposure-?"

He growls and jerks her closer, snagging her mouth with his, pushing her lips apart with his tongue because he can. Because it makes her breathless, a little wild.

She breaks away, panting, wipes the back of her hand across her mouth, but her eyes are dark and rich. "Let's just. . .get back to the condo."

"You're calling a truce?" he asks, his body still quivering with the need to claim her.

She nods and presses her palm to her cheek, her eyes laughing. "Truce."

"All right. Truce." He regards her warily, but she doesn't make a move. "Want help with these?"

She shakes her head, so he moves around to Dash's side of the car. Now to wrestle the kid into his seat and get out of here before he really does do something indecent.

* * *

><p>Castle rides shotgun, fiddling with his iPod. They worked this arrangement out years ago; Kate gets to drive them home, wherever that is, however long it is. Castle can take them out. It just works better than fighting over the keys when he wants to surprise her with something, better than trying to explain to Kate why his manhood depends upon driving his own car every once in awhile.<p>

Sure, she's a better driver. She's been trained to be a better driver. But sometimes, a guy just has to drive.

He glances to the backseat and finds Dash and Ellery with their heads together. Dash is whispering about something with a hand up to hide his mouth; he must have learned that trick in preschool. He's managed to work the seat belt around so that it's slack, letting him maneuver most of his body across the space between the two of them.

"Dash. Seat belt."

Dash shoots him a swift, dark look but slides back over to his side, fixing the seat belt.

Kate changes lanes and glances over at him. "Pick something already. I do *not* want to drive back without music. These people creep along."

"I know, I know. I'm working on it."

"Daddy!"

He turns around. "Yeah, buddy?"

"Ellery wants you to play the 'Contest' song!"

"She does?"

"Yup." Dash is now back on his side of the seat, and Ellery has her head leaning against her car seat. Totoro is still clutched in her hand.

"She tell you that?"

"Yup."

Kate shoots him a look. "What's the 'Contest' song?"

"Play it for her, Daddy! Play Mommy your song." Dashiell bounces in his seat and kicks the back of Kate's. Castle can see her grimace.

"All right. I'll play the song." He slides through his Artists listing until he gets to The White Stripes, presses play at 'Conquest.'

The horns pipe up, the guitar strums giving the beat, and then Jack White sings the long, drawn-out word, his war cry: "Conquest!"

From the back seat, the kids both yell out, "Co-o-on-test!"

Kate bursts into laughter, causing Dashiell and Ellery to giggle with her.

"Mommy, it's your song!"

"My song?" Kate is still breathless with laughter, wiping at her eyes as she drives.

"Yours and Daddy's. He said everybody who is a mommy and daddy have a song."

"Oh, really? Castle. 'Conquest' is our song?"

It's more than halfway over at this point, but Rick grins and turns it up, using his thumb to scan backwards until he gets to the part he likes. "Yeah. Listen."

He listens to the cry of 'Conquest', followed by the lines: 'She with all her female guile led him helpless down the aisle. She had finally made a conquest.'

Kate smacks his shoulder, glaring at him, but has to look back at the road, unable to maintain the death stare. He laughs and turns back to look at the kids.

Dashiell is giggling and Ellery is singing along to the next part, the 'ahhh' that makes up the bridge while the horns play counterpoint.

"'The hunted became the huntress,'" Castle pouts. "It says I used to be the one making conquests, but you hunted me down."

"I did not hunt you down, Castle," she snorts.

"With all your female guile-"

"I didn't lead you down the aisle either," she hisses, narrowing her eyes, but not at him, because she's giving the white car in front of them her interrogation room tactics: stone face and deadly regard.

"True. I had to shove you down the aisle. But I think you still got that female guile working for ya."

She doesn't respond to that, and the song is over now anyway, which means little ears will overhear everything.

He twists to look at his son in the backseat. "What next, Dashiell?"

"Um. . ."

Apparently, the worst of the traffic is over, because Kate smacks Castle again and turns her glare to him. He winces, rubbing his shoulder in mock pain. "That is not one of the guiles I was thinking about."

"How many times have you played our kids The White Stripes, Castle?"

"Our kids. Sounds so hot when you say that-"

"Why is Mommy hot?"

Their eyes meet and Kate's lips quirk, but she leaves him to explain, keeping her mouth shut as if to say _Your mess, you clean it up_.

"It just means I think that Mommy is pretty," Castle says. "Don't you think Mommy is pretty?"

"Mommy is beautiful."

Castle grins and sees Kate's cheeks flush; her eyes dart to his and whatever irritation was in them before is gone now. Castle knows she's always been a sucker for the words.

"Yeah, Dash. You're right. Mommy is beautiful."

From the backseat, Dash sighs loudly. "Can you do the song with the Muppets?"

"Um. It's Not Easy Being Green?"

"No, Daddy, that one is sad. The Animal one, the muh muh muh. Ellery wants to sing it."

Kate raises an eyebrow. "The what?"

"You'll know it when you hear it." Castle turns back around to Dash. "I can find those for you, buddy; just give me a second."

He selects the Muppets Green album on his iPod and chooses the handful he knows they like, putting them into a quick playlist. He starts it up for the kids and then reaches over to grab Kate's free hand, squeezing it for a moment, then letting it go.

"Dash thinks you're beautiful," he says softly.

She gives him a quick look, full of heat and longing, and his throat closes up.

They're stuck with the Muppets for the rest of the drive.

* * *

><p>"Okay, well that took a lot longer than I expected," Kate says, folding the last of the reusable grocery bags into a square and putting it with the others under the sink.<p>

She slept in today, or slept again, but she really could go for a nap. Recovery Day is starting to sound better and better.

"Still wanna take the kids to the B-E-A-C-H?" Castle spells, brushing his hand against her waist.

Jeez. He's always touching her when he's-

Kate chokes that thought down and glances to the microwave clock. "Yeah. I do, actually. Neither of them have seen the ocean recently. I doubt Dashiell remembers it from our last trip to the Hamptons."

His fingers stroke her side; her breath catches on a wave of desire.

He moves his hand away. "Yeah, probably not. Okay, well, let's find the kids-"

She grabs him by the forearm. "Hold on. Are they both in Dash's room?"

"Yeah."

She bites her lower lip and hesitates. He is just so. . .touchy feely when he's into her. When he's thinking about it, when he wants it. And she can't survive all that touching for another couple hours of beach bathing and swimming and burying everyone in the sand. And with her in a swimsuit, she's not sure Castle can survive either.

"Kate?"

"We are keeping score, right?"

His eyebrows shoot up. "Seriously?"

"It'll have to be quick."

"I can do quick."

"I know you can," she smirks. "And with your hands all over me while we put the food up, I can too."

"Ah, jeez, Kate-" He tilts his head back and his fists clench at his sides.

Delicious.

She glances down the hall. The groceries *are* all put away, but it took like twenty minutes and the kids might be bored if they're just playing in the room. "Check and see if the kids are watching tv."

He lowers his gaze to hers, intense and untamed. Her heart pounds; she feels less in control of this than she meant to.

"If they're not-"

"Then turn it on, Castle," she says, rolling her eyes at him. But her palms are damp and her chest tight with the way he watches her. Shit. How does he do this to her?

"And then?"

He's only asking because he wants her to say it. He wants to hear her say it. So she says it. "And then meet me in our room. For number four."

"Are you seriously-"

She grabs his forearms to lift up to his mouth, pushing past his lips to the heat inside. His hand is at her waist and pressing her against his thigh, her legs part and her lips as well, gasping.

No fair what he does to her. So she slides her hand up under his shirt, brushes her fingers along his ribs. He breaks the kiss to suck in a deep breath, his body liquid and shivering against hers. She smiles and pushes him away.

"TV, Castle."

"Yeah, yeah," he murmurs, backing away, his eyes on hers. "Are you-"

She strips her shirt off her head and gives him a look.

He swallows. "Yeah. Okay. I believe you now."

Kate grins at his retreating form and heads towards their room.

* * *

><p>Okay, four *and* five. But damn, she can't resist the way he wraps his fingers around her wrist and pulls her back against him, his whole body hard and dangerous and intent on having her.<p>

Shit. She's gotta get it together or they'll never make it to the beach.

Rather, both the kids will come pounding on the door, yelling through the crack: "Mommy, Daddy, why is the door locked?" Like last month at the loft after-

Jeez.

"Okay, Castle-" she mutters. "Up. Off."

"Too good. I can't move," he groans, limp and heavy and sexy as hell on top of her. She wriggles to try to get free, but he groans and clamps both hands on her hips, his breath hot against her chest. She can feel his heart start pounding again.

"No. Not-uh. Castle-"

"Stop wriggling around then, Kate. Damn, you're killing me."

She shivers, some of her arousal slipping away at that phrase. His hands gentle, recognizing his mistake, slide beneath her back to curl around her shoulders. His head lifts from her chest and he raises up on his forearms over her.

She shivers again, this time from the sudden lack of his heat, brushes her fingers down his back. "I'm okay."

He doesn't move, just watches her for a moment. "I'm alive," he says gently. "Kids are fine."

"I'm okay," she says again. "Just. . .hit me wrong."

"We're both alive, Kate."

She nods and chews on the inside of her lip. A stupid bout of post-traumatic stress would definitely kill the mood. "We're both alive," she repeats and lifts her head to kiss him softly.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You better go," she whispers back, then uses her teeth to tug his lower lip. "We both better go. The kids have been watching tv for an hour."

"I know. We're terrible parents, aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself. Five times in one day makes me way less harsh to my kids," she grins, darting in to kiss the side of his nose, then the scar angling just above his eyebrow. Faint, from childhood. Nothing sinister.

"You still want me back at the 12th?"

She drops her head back to the pillow and blows out a breath. Damn him for emotionally ambushing her like that. Asking that right after she had that little, tiny, insignificant flashback.

"I really want you, Castle," she says throatily, letting her lashes fall, letting her mouth, her rising and falling chest do all the convincing. If he's going to remind her of how dangerous the work is, remind her of how easily she could lose him, then she's going to seduce the hell out of him.

He closes his eyes and drops his forehead to her sternum, breathing hard. "I asked for that, didn't I?"

"Yeah, stud, you did," she grins, keeping her voice low, seductive.

"You just want me back so you can shove me into a storage closet and have your way with me, Detective."

"There's that too," she murmurs, quirking her lips at him.

"Kate," he says softly.

He's going to make her talk about this. "I miss you. What else can I say?"

"We talked about this before. The kids-"

"Are fine. It's three days a week. Can't I have you three days a week?" She didn't mean for so much neediness to come out in her voice. She closes her eyes and sighs, feels the feather-soft brush of his lips against the pulse in her neck. Part apology, part acceptance.

She owes him a better explanation, but she doesn't have one. She just misses him. Sometimes at the 12th, sitting at her desk doing a computer database search, she'll feel his eyes on her and glance over to where he should be sitting, but there's nothing. She'll be in the interrogation room and hear his voice making some cheesy one-liner. She'll be at a crime scene and glance past the uniforms thinking she sees him at the police barricade, trying to get in.

Sometimes, she would swear she's being haunted by him.

She'll have to call or text him, make certain he's alive and not a ghost, just in case. If there's one man who could reject all the laws of nature and physics and religion, it's Castle. He *would* haunt her.

She chalks it up to missing him.

Well. That. That and the gang leader who kidnapped her six months ago, held her in a warehouse on his turf for an hour, told her he had killed her husband and her two children, played her recordings on his phone of their terrified sobbing-

She swallows and wraps her arms around him, pulls Castle back against her, just for a few minutes longer.

Yeah. Could be that too.


	15. Chapter 15

For awhile, Kate hangs back with her daughter, watching to make sure the little girl can handle the wooden planks of the boardwalk. Ella watches every person who passes them, stares after the little boys with their dripping swim trunks and loud laughter, adores the older girls with their cell phones in hand and their bikinis and movie star sunglasses.

Ella takes her time down the boardwalk, wearing her black swimsuit with its pink ruffles and her pink, sparkly sandals. She refuses to wear sunglasses, so her blue eyes are squinted against the glare of the afternoon sun as she watches people. When Dash raises his hand and calls for his mom, Kate leaves Ella to go at her own pace, taking her son's hand.

Dash swings between his parents down the boardwalk, taking leaping steps so that his jumps will be higher and farther out. He's back to his black Oakleys (Castle bought those), his lime green trunks with frogs all over them (Kate found those last year and bought them for five dollars; he's adorable in those trunks). His swim shirt collar is smeared with sunscreen already, and she can see it thick behind his ears. Kate adjusts her hold on his hand and peers through her sunglasses down to the end of the boardwalk.

"Mommy it's a yellow flag!"

The yellow flag means the ocean is strong today, and beyond that, Kate can see the white caps topping the waves. The noise of the ocean reaches them even here, loud and roaring. For the first time since she suggested they all go to the Gulf (after Castle's insistence on a family vacation), she's regretting it.

Ellery's only two. She's been on the protected beach at the Hamptons, but how can she compete against this kind of undertow? This sheer. . .force?

"Waves first! Waves first!" Dash yells.

"I don't know, kid. Might ask Mommy about that. She has rules." Castle says as they stop at the end of the boardwalk to push off their sandals.

"Mommy, can we go right in?"

"I don't have rules about that," she huffs, glaring at Castle. Then she thinks of rules. "So long as me or Daddy are with you, you can-"

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a blur of black, little streaks of pink, and Ellery is flying down the steps onto the sand, running for the waves, her hair streaming out behind her.

"Ella!" Castle's voice booms across the distance, but Kate has already dropped everything to run after her.

Ella never does this. She doesn't *do* this-

Her heart in her throat, she churns sand, cursing herself for running too far this morning and now having nothing left, watches her daughter dart for the huge, relentless shoreline, impossibly far ahead of her.

"Ella-"

The tiny girl runs right to the edge and stops, causing Kate to skid. She sprays sand in an effort to stop, drops beside her daughter, breathless, reaches out to grab Ellery's arm, fingers tight with a panic that still thrums in her chest.

Ella stands before the ocean, rapt, blue eyes entranced. Her mouth is open in a round O of disbelief; she doesn't move.

After a moment, Kate can turn and look at the ocean as well, see what her daughter sees.

Before them, the churning, rolling water comes in at the beach with a roar, endless and unceasing. The crests of each wave lift high, tossing manes of grey-green water, then collapse into the shore, expelling a sound like a great beast falling to its knees.

With her heart still pounding, Kate sinks back to sit on her feet, releasing her grip on Ella's arm, taking a slow, long breath. She feels Castle and Dash coming up behind them.

Dash breathes in sharply. "A yellow flag," he murmurs, sounding stunned.

Yeah, this isn't the Hamptons.

"That's the ocean, Ella," Kate says softly, brushing the hair out of her daughter's eyes.

"Ocean," Ella repeats, blinking slowly. "All ocean."

Kate glances up to Rick, but he's heard it too; he nods and sits down next to them, glancing past her to their daughter. The girl is rigid with shock. Or bewilderment.

Dash stands a little apart, watching the waves as well.

Ella turns her face to Kate, her eyes wide. Awe floods her face like light. "Mommy. The ocean. So. . .so much. All. So much."

Kate chews the inside of her lip and nods, clears her throat. "Yeah, Ella. It's. . .yeah."

The ocean. Her daughter. All of it.

Rick's hand catches hers; she clings to it, trying to catch her breath again.

Ella squats down on her haunches and peers out at the ocean with those clear and intense blue eyes, pushing back her dark hair with both hands, then shifts her gaze to her brother.

Dashiell turns his face towards hers as if she's said his name. He sits down beside her, dropping his bucket, and digs his toes into the sand in front of them. He leans in like he's listening, his eyes on the waves, and Ella points her finger towards the ocean.

Dash nods and looks at his parents.

"Ella wants to stay right here. Can we put our towels out now?"

* * *

><p>Castle watches his wife strip out of her black wrap, like a dark Venus out of her dark shell. Her legs. . .damn, her legs and that metallic bronze swimsuit which looks entirely too model-esque for South Padre, entirely too sexy for a mom with two kids, and entirely too amazing with its strips of material wrapped against her skin.<p>

"I thought I took care of that," she says, smirking at him, her eyes darting to his waist.

He chokes on a laugh and settles down to the beach chair beside hers, watching Dashiell arrange and organize the toys around his sister at some silent instruction from the girl. (Because watching Kate is not productive right now).

"Oh you did. It was taken care of. It's just. . .you know. Going for the record here, and-"

"But not on the beach right now, Castle."

"Well, no. All these people."

"All these kids," she says softly, but it's that secretive and suggestive softness, not that sweet and kind rejection.

"Are you. . .saying the beach is a location that interests you, Kate?"

He looks away from his kids to see his wife, the lines of her long limbs, her hair half-pulled back from the smooth, kissable expanse of her neck. She turns her head slowly towards his, and suddenly he's very glad he can't see her eyes behind those metallic sunglasses.

She hums, a sound he barely hears over the ocean, and her fingers lift from the arm of the beach chair and drift down his forearm. His breath catches, his fingers link with hers the moment they reach his hand.

She touches the tip of her tongue to the corner of her mouth. "I could be. . .interested."

Before he can pursue this fascinating line of inquiry, Dashiell is jumping into his lap.

"Daddy, I wanna swim. In the waves! Can we do the waves first?"

Castle tears his eyes away from his devastatingly beautiful Kate, and looks down at his son. "Sure, my man. Take the swim shirt off-"

A sharp squeeze of his hand. "No. Castle-"

"He's layered in sunblock, Kate. The shirt is nuts." Castle winces as Dash bounces in his lap, struggling to get his shirt off before his mother can get out of the chair to protest.

"Girls on the beach, boys in the ocean!" Dashiell flings his shirt back over his shoulder, hopping up.

"Pick up your shirt. Respect, Dash." Castle gets to his feet, jerking his head towards the swim shirt lying in a heap about three feet away.

"Why do I have to respect my shirt?" Dash groans, throwing his hands up.

"Because first of all, you didn't pay for it. Mommy bought it for you. And second, you and I are already breaking Mommy's rules letting you take it off, aren't we? So we don't fling it around, boasting about it."

Dash grumbles, but moves to pick up his shirt. Ellery is digging a hole in the sand with her hands, putting the wet stuff she finds into a bucket, piling the dryer sand off to one side. Castle glances at Kate; she's not smiling.

"Hey. We can slather sunblock on him the second he gets out of the water. Okay?"

"Castle."

"I know. I'm breaking the rules. But you *know* he hates the way the shirt feels on his skin."

She sighs. He's won.

Dashiell shakes his shirt out, causing sand to fly. Castle snatches it out of his grip and folds it, puts it on top of their stuff behind his chair. Kate sighs again and brushes sand off her legs, her stomach.

Her smooth stomach, the dip of her belly button, the long lines of her legs-

Castle is suddenly glad to be headed for the water.

"Come on, wild man. Let's get in the waves." Cool off.

Dash leaps forward, running for the water's edge.


	16. Chapter 16

Kate holds Ellery against her chest and bobs with the next wave; the girl blinks and gasps as water splashes up to her neck, chin lifted, her blue eyes soaking up everything else.

The two of them are nearly weightless in the water; the warmth of the October day is unbelievable to a New York City girl; and the feel of her daughter's wet, coiled body against hers is a balm.

Ella hasn't said anything since her awe of the ocean waves, but her delight in it is plain to see. Kate has pulled Ella's hair back in a pony tail to keep it off her face as the waves come in, but her own has spilled down her back in wet ropes. Ellery's fingers find new ways of tangling in it as she clings to her mother during the highest waves. As soon as the wave goes past them, Ella is pushing away again, trying it out on her own.

Kate lets her swim a little farther, paddling around like a puppy through the smaller waves. Kate can stand up without trouble here, the water comes just to her shoulder, but she keeps her hands close to her daughter, just in case.

Of course, Rick has taught both kids to swim, just as he taught Alexis in the pool at his place in the Hamptons. Their place. Not that Kate has really had much time off to go with her family. Rick takes the kids almost every weekend in the summer; she comes when she can. They usually spend a long weekend or a short week there together. The kids swim pretty much from the time they get up until they have to go to bed again.

Kate hasn't done too badly this year. She really has managed to keep a schedule, to go home by 7 instead of hanging out in front of the murder board. She's even managed to say no to a good many cases, given them to Esposito.

Of course. . .that's exactly what Lanie complained to her about before they left. Damn.

Ellery gets knocked under by a wave; Kate darts forward and scoops her up. Ella is laughing and choking, swiping at her eyes and blinking.

"Hey, you okay?" Kate laughs with her, tugging the girl in closer to brush the water out of her face.

Ella giggles, which is answer enough, and rubs at her eyes, coughing again.

"Don't swallow the water, baby girl."

Ellery giggles harder, then points over Kate's shoulder.

Kate turns just in time to get knocked by a huge wave, stumbling backwards, off-balance and going down. Ellery clings to her neck as Kate scrambles to get her feet under her.

When she can stand again, Ellery is giggling into her shoulder, both of them coughing up salt water.

"Don't swallow water," Ella giggles, putting her palms flat to the side of Kate's cheeks and grinning into her eyes.

"You are so right," Kate teases back, poking the girl, giddiness and adrenaline pumping through her veins. Kate shifts Ella to the other hip, wiping at her eyes and coming away with a few streaks of mascara. Crap. "You wanna stay in, or go build sand animals?" She's hoping for more words.

Ella makes a fish face and glances over at the wave coming towards them. Kate hops a little to stay above it, and Ellery giggles.

"Well, *I* want to go make sand animals, so. . ."

Still Ellery says nothing, so Kate starts walking back towards the shoreline, her legs pushing through the water. The waves wash over them from behind, pushing her forward until the curl starts dragging them back. When the water is low enough, Kate lets Ellery down, the girl splashing and jumping her way back.

As Kate comes out of the water, trailing behind her daughter, sand sticks to her feet, spraying up the back of her calves. She takes the rubber band out of her hair so that she can scrape it back into a pony tail, get the soaked locks off her shoulders. A few tendrils curl wetly around her cheeks. Her forehead feels hot with sunburn; she'll have to put on more sunblock.

Ellery stops to dig in the sand, picking up a broken shell. Kate walks past her towards where Dashiell and Rick are sprawled out. Dash is packing sand onto a huge mound of something faintly bunny-like, while Castle is talking to another couple whose towels are close to theirs; his arms are already browning in the sun.

A faint sense of unease trickles through her, but she shoves it down and drops next to Castle in her chair, flicking water at him.

"Hey," he grins, wrapping his fingers around her raised knee. Startled, she glances at his face, sees the _help me _in his eyes, wide and green and overly dramatic. "There you are."

She glances past him to the smiling couple, the woman a bleached blonde wearing a turquoise two piece, the man in khaki swimming trunks. She leans past Castle with her hand out.

"I'm Kate."

"Ooh, Kate! I'm Vicki Farrell. This is my husband Austin. We are *huge* fans-"

Ah. Shit.

Kate turns to Rick and raises her eyebrows. "Really?" She thinks fast, trying to figure out a way to get them out of this. "So am I."

Vicki giggles and a teenaged boy in skull and crossbones trunks comes up to them, a boogie board under one arm.

"Yo. Mom. Got anything to drink?"

Vicki turns and taps a cooler. "In here. Go for it." The kid drops to his knees and reaches for the cooler handle, giving Kate and Castle a look through the fringe of his long bangs.

Austin Farrell sits up and grabs his ankles, his skin looking faintly red at this angle despite being in the shade of an umbrella. "Vicki's right, though. We do love your work, ah. . Rick."

Kate glances back over the sand towards Ellery, finds the girl laying in it and digging a hole. What happened to sand animals? Whatever.

"Where are you guys from?" Rick is saying.

Dashiell hops up and wanders close, his eyes on the teenager's boogie board. His chest rises and falls; Kate is pleased to note a fresh layering of sunblock on the tops of his shoulders. Rick remembered.

"We're from Arkansas." Austin Farrell shuts the cooler his son has left open and scans the horizon even as he speaks. Kate takes that to mean they have at least one other kid out there somewhere.

"Oh. You really don't have an accent." Castle glances over at Kate for that help apparently, eyebrows raised.

She still has nothing.

"Well, we live in Little Rock. Capital city. And Austin's originally from Iowa."

"What is that?" Dash says suddenly, pointing at the teenager's board.

"Boogie board, kid."

Kate leans forward, hooking her arms around her knees, suddenly anxious to have Dash closer. Not because she doesn't like the Farrells, honestly, she doesn't think they're all that bad, but more because Dash's interactions with older boys aren't always. . .so hot.

Dash is kind of a lot to handle. He talks a lot. And has questions.

"What do you do with it?" Dash says, eyes on the board.

"You ride it," the teenager says. He puts the top on his water bottle and sinks it into the sand. "Like your sunglasses, little dude."

Dash puffs up with pride and Kate notices that the teenager's sunglasses are the exact same Oakleys.

"My sunglasses keep the brightness down to a dull roar," Dash answers, still looking at the board.

The teenager grins, laughs a little. "Yeah, little dude, they do. Mine too."

Dashiell takes another step towards the Farrell's daisy chain of towels. "How do you ride it?"

"Dash-"

"I got my brother's board. Wanna try it?" The teenager reaches behind him and grabs another board, stands up with both, one in each hand.

"Yeah!"

Dashiell is bounding away before Kate can even grab him, the two kids off towards the ocean.

"Rick-" Kate says, glancing to him and realizing that this is the perfect opportunity to allow him to escape. "Go with them." She raises an eyebrow at him and he reads her perfectly.

"Ah, yeah. Good plan," he murmurs, and jumps up to run after them.

Even when Castle has made his escape, Kate finds that the starstruck-ness hasn't left Vicki Farrell.

The other woman gives a nervous laugh. "Oh, they'll be fine. I promise. Graham's the oldest and he's really good with kids."

Sure he is, Kate thinks. Castle has already caught up to the two boys without any trouble, she notices, and is talking with Graham. Dash is bouncing on his toes as he walks, looking excited.

"Sorry. Just. . ." Kate shrugs. "That's *my* oldest, and it still feels like he's a baby sometimes. Mostly because he acts like one." She gives the Farrells a laugh, hoping to ease Vicki's nervousness.

Vicki grins softly. "I understand. Graham's had a lot of experience being patient though. Our middle one, Tate, has autism. Graham's great with him, knows when to help and when to back off, knows how to teach."

"Oh." Kate sits back in the chair, blinking at them. She didn't see that one coming.

"Oh no, it's fine. I mean, well, it has its own issues. What doesn't? But Tate is doing really well. He's 14, in school, has a couple close friends. He's high-functioning. And then our youngest, Claire, is ten. She's. . ." Vicki trails off, glancing around. "Oh. Uh, well, I think she's with yours."

Kate jerks her head to Ellery and sure enough, another little girl has joined her. The two of them lay on their stomachs and dig together. She has a feeling that Ellery is digging for Japan, Totoro's home, but who knows if she's said anything at all about that to the other girl. Dash was the one who told Ella that you dig to get to Japan.

When Kate was a kid, you were always digging to China. But whatever. "Oh. That's mine, yeah. Ellery."

"Cute name."

Kate shrugs, not wanting to offer too much information. She and Rick haven't really talked about this before, how much to give out in public to people who. . .could be friends? People they meet on vacation. Well, it's never come up because how often do they do this? They've *never* done this.

"Ellery's almost three," Kate says suddenly, because she really does like this couple. And their son, who is currently helping Dashiell sled on the boogie board where the the water is shallow. "And Dash is almost five."

"Oh wow, they're so big," Vicki says softly.

Kate glances over at her in surprise.

Vicki blushes. "Sorry. It's just. . .well, I know some about you."

Oh.

"I mean, through the books, and just. . .you see things online."

Her heart picks up; the sun is suddenly intense on the top of her head. Kate adjusts her sunglasses and looks over at her daughter. The girls are giggling together.

"Even in Arkansas," Kate muses.

"Well. We do live in Little Rock," Austin says with a laugh. "That's a big city."

"Oh," Kate replies, a little horrified by her thoughtlessness. Where is her mind? "I didn't mean it like that. I meant-"

Vicki laughs back, shakes her head. "No, no. We understood. But Richard Castle is a bestseller, hon. In Little Rock too."

Kate puts a hand to her forehead and gives the couple a sheepish look. "That was. . .sorry about that. I know that. I think we just were hoping the whole. . .circus of it would be nonexistent here."

"Yeah, no, I didn't recognize him at first," Austin says. "Vicki is the one who put it together. He told us your first names, and then it clicked with her."

Vicki leans over and rifles through her beach bag, pulling out Castle's latest Nikki Heat. Kate laughs.

"Ah, Heat of the Moment. Okay, yeah. Got it."

"But don't worry. We don't know anyone down here; we have no one to tell. We won't out you."

Kate pushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear and smiles at them. "Thanks for that. You seem trustworthy anyway."

"Kate?" Vicki says hesitantly. "I just. . .it's just really cool to meet you both. And I hope Austin and I are cool enough not to be too crazy in awe or anything. Just. . .normal people, right?"

"Oh." Kate puts a hand over her mouth and tries to hide her smile. "Well. Normal people, yes. And it's good meeting you too."

Austin laughs and opens the cooler, grabbing a bottle of water himself. They've got umbrellas open over their towels, and the man sits in the shade, but his skin is pretty fair, freckled, and his hair is a strawberry blonde that clashes with the red-looking shoulders and nose. Vicki, now that Kate is really looking at her, has an oval face with a narrow chin, beautiful blue-violet eyes, and hair that looks sun-bleached rather than bottle.

The woman glances away from the ocean and over to Kate. "Well, I'm just gonna say this. I feel like I know you, and not just because of stuff online. But because of these books."

"It's fiction," Kate says automatically.

"Not the Nikki Heat stuff," Vicki shakes her head. "The dedications. They're. . .beautiful. They tell a story all on their own."

Kate blinks and drops her hands to her lap. "They tell a story," she repeats, rather stupidly.

"It's just. . .so interesting. You guys meet and it's obvious he's smitten with you, that extraordinary line-"

Smitten?

"-in that first dedication. And then there's real respect there, for you and for the people you work with-"

Kate bites her lower lip. Those dedications have always been. . .special to her. It's strange to hear an in-depth analysis of them from this woman, this fan. Could everyone read the story there? Everyone but herself, for so many years.

"And then. . .well, it's just such a love story. My favorite? 'For Kate, who said yes.' That is so romantic."

Kate blushes. The thing is, everyone thinks she said yes to a marriage proposal. And that's not true. She said yes to having his son. . .which of course is kind of romantic as well and it did lead to marriage. Reverse order of the traditional route, but they've never been traditional.

"It is," she says softly. But she's not going to share anything more than that. Some things are just for them.

"Actually, I have another favorite. This one, in Heat of the Moment. It's just. . .so wonderful."

_For Kate, I'm your biggest fan._

Kate blows out a long breath and keeps her eyes on Castle in the distance as he watches their son paddling on a board in shallow, ankle-deep water.

"It's just so clear he loves you. And it makes the books better somehow."

Kate finally smiles, glances back to the woman. "I think you're right. I think it does too."

Vicki smiles back and smooths her hand over the book; Kate can see it's been well-loved, cover bent and pages dirty. She bites her lip, reminding herself that there are lots of people - women - who love Castle's novels as much as she does.

Though no one loves the man like Kate does.


	17. Chapter 17

"If you do not stop, you are going in time-out," she threatens.

Rick stops, but Ellery is giggling so hard she falls over onto the towel. Kate cracks a grin, but lifts her foot and tosses the fine grains of white sand back onto Rick's body. He feels it against his belly, his chest and grins at her, propped up on his elbows.

"Stop putting sand on me. I am *not* getting buried," she adds.

Rick sifts his hands through the hot sand again, lifting it, letting it trail out of his fingers; Ellery sits up and watches him, waiting to see what he does next. He can see the other girl, Claire, watching him too.

He slowly swings his arm closer and closer to Kate's left leg, where she's got her knees propped up as she reads from her iPad. He can tell she's watching him too, even behind those dark sunglasses.

Dashiell is off with the boys, Tate and Graham, the younger brother Tate watching anxiously over his borrowed boogie board, Austin with them. Vicki went back up to their room to grab something for Tate, and he and Kate are 'watching' the girl, Claire, as she plays with Ellery.

A few minutes ago, playing with Ellery turned into burying Ellery in the sand. Which turned into burying Castle. And now-

"It's Kate's turn," he says, grinning, and releases a fistful of sand on her knee.

She turns her head to him with a glare, intense and beautiful and righteous, then slowly looks at the sand still cascading down her leg, both sides now, towards her foot and back towards her lap, pinging off the case to the iPad.

"Richard Edgar Castle," she says slowly.

Ellery giggles again and scoots back. Claire follows suit.

"Yes, love?"

Ohhh, he's asking for it. He can't wait for-

She lunges forward, iPad miraculously sliding into her bag, her knees on his chest, palms flat on his shoulders, her eyes two narrow slits. He lifts his head from the sand. He has a great view down the front of her v-neck swimsuit, all lean curves and flat stomach, and he can feel the hard, sinuous lines of her legs from knees to ankles against his chest.

"God, you're gorgeous," he whispers, for her alone, and some of that hardness melts.

Behind her, he can hear Ellery giggling again, and Kate must hear it as well, because her mouth slides into a smile, her legs slide off his ribs (ouch), and down to the sand.

"For what I want to do to you, for your punishment," she whispers, dragging out that last word as her teeth nip his earlobe. "We'd get arrested. So sit up, stop throwing sand on me, and be thinking about how to get me alone for number six."

He sits up.

* * *

><p>The kids are exhausted. Castle has had to promise Tate (a fourth time) that he's buying Dashiell his very own boogie board for tomorrow, and Ellery is dragging so far behind that Kate has to stop every ten feet and wait for her, pick her up, and carry her forward to meet up with their little group again.<p>

Claire keeps tripping on Tate's boogie board, which he carries behind him on the line like a pet, and after the fifth or sixth time, she yells at him and picks it up, threatening to toss it over the boardwalk. Austin grabs it, hands it to Dash (of all people), and informs Claire of her now thirty minutes earlier bedtime.

Kate walks up with Ellery at that moment, and Claire dissolves into tears. Vicki takes her by the shoulder and slows way down with her, so that they're the ones getting left behind, giving Claire a moment to get control of herself. Dashiell, stunned to be holding Tate's board, somehow understands the importance of his new responsibility, and keeps the thing from dragging as he walks solemnly beside his new almost-friend.

Graham went ahead a few hours ago with some buddies; Castle can see now how the oldest is the peacemaker in their family. He kinda wishes the kid were back.

As they walk, he turns and takes Ella out of Kate's arms, shifting her against his chest. She's nearly asleep, and her little mouth puckers against his collarbone, her body curling up. She feels hot on her back, but he's afraid that's sunburn and not fever.

Damn. He might have forgotten to reapply right here at her spine. She doesn't seem to be complaining about it though. At least it's not Dash. A sunburn and a kid with sensory issues is a terrible, painful combination.

He's learned that lesson the hard way.

The Farrells have turned out to be okay people, funny in their own way, and Vicki has lost all of that starstruck motormouth syndrome. Which is good. Only room for one hyper, overtalkative person and that's himself. And maybe Dashiell.

The Farrells have been good though, friendly and entertaining, and while their kids aren't perfect, they handle them well, which is something. Also, it came out that Vicki and Austin met at work, the FBI no less, where Vicki is an accountant and Austin is in IT. That information offered up a whole host of ideas for Castle, who never once thought about the support staff in an FBI field office like Little Rock.

Vicki caught on to him, though, and seemed rather flattered that he was mining them for details. He gave up all pretense of suave and used Kate's iPad to make notes as they talked. So the afternoon has been profitable in more than one way.

Shifting Ellery in his arms a little, he grins in the last of the golden light and glances forward to Dash. The kid holds the board clamped against his chest, being careful of the string that Tate still has, his steps intent and well-placed. Kate has her hand on his head, ruffling his hair, massaging his scalp, her actions thoughtless and instinctive and natural.

He loves her. Just walking his tired, sunburned kids back to a cramped condo not much bigger than their loft, he loves her with a fierceness that could burn holes in the boardwalk.

Just then, Kate glances back at him with a smile, puts her hand to her stomach, and his heart flips, _flips,_ and he can't talk past the choked feeling in his throat.

"I'm starving. Are you guys up for dinner down here? The mercantile or that little sub shop?"

Oh. Yeah. Hungry. He was out of it there for a moment, getting flashbacks or deja vu or something.

What *was* that?

"We could do that," Vicki calls out from behind them, coming up on them now with a calmer Claire.

Austin nods, Castle shrugs and gestures back to Kate. Her hand drifts from her stomach and it hits him again.

Four years ago, Kate walking ahead of him down the sidewalk in front of the Brazen Head, probably their fifth time back at the little bookstore built up inside the apartment building. She reaches back and gives him her bag to carry with her purchases inside, tells him _Why don't you look inside?_ And so he sticks his hand in, pulls out a thin picture book: Daddy Loves His Little Girl by John Carter Cash (yes that one), and he opens it at random and finds the father and daughter in a magical *castle* by the sea and his heart flips _flips_

And he looks up at her, walking ahead of him on the sidewalk in New York with the golden, afternoon light pouring around her, and she lays her palm against her still-flat stomach and smiles at him and he knows (how can she be sure it's a girl?) but he knows what she's telling him, he's going to be a daddy again-

Castle's arms tighten around Ellery, his amazing little girl, and he takes a moment to close his eyes, just a second, that image so real and so poignant that it's hard to breathe. Kate in the sunlight and smiling.

"Castle?"

He opens his eyes.

"The sandwich place or the Mercantile?"

He sucks in a breath, lets it out. "What's the difference?"

"Hot food at the Mercantile."

"Let's go with hot," he says.

Against his chest, Ellery smiles, kisses his cheek as if he's gotten the right answer.

* * *

><p>They spread out over a long table at the back of the Mercantile, having gone through the kind of buffet style line at the front of the dining room. Across the breezeway is the Market where he and Kate can pick up whatever they might have forgotten at Wal-Mart, but for now, he's content with the hot mac and cheese, the faintly meatloaf-like concoction, and the serving of thinly sliced green beans.<p>

Dashiell does not look so happy.

"Come on, buddy. You gotta eat something."

"It smells funny in here."

"All right, I believe you. But that doesn't mean you get to not eat."

Kate's watching him handle it, but she doesn't look eager to jump in and help. Of course.

"Daddy, it's too strong."

"The smell?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, buddy. But I need you to pinch your nose and swallow it." He wags his eyebrows at his son and tries to laugh it off, make it into a joke.

Ellery giggles and shovels another spoonful of mac and cheese into her mouth. Beside her, Claire has a plateful of applesauce and mashed potatoes, mixing them together, sending dark looks down the table to her brother. Kate has gone with mac and cheese as well, their old favorite from Remy's, but she declined the meat portion and went with green beans and a serving of carrots.

Slathered in butter of course, but it's not like Kate needs to stay away from butter. The extra fat can only help at this point. Especially since he knows she eats less when she's stressed out, and she's been stressed for the last six months.

He still doesn't know the full story.

"Daddy, please don't make me-"

"Look, I know it smells funny. But this is dinner. Remember the trick Miss Julie taught us?"

"No," he says with a huff.

"Sure you do."

"Eat it with something I like," he grumbles, frowning darkly into his plate.

Tate, who has been sitting at the foot of the table, separated from everyone else by a chair to either side, leans forward and eyes Dashiell. "You can't mix food together."

"Why not?" Castle asks "Your sister is doing it."

"She does it to be mean," Tate says, frowning down the way at his sister. Austin picks up his head and gives Castle a long, slow look that apparently is supposed to mean something, but he doesn't know what.

Kate kicks his shin, narrowing her eyes, and he drops it. But *his* kid will eat his dinner if he mixes food together, so Castle is going to insist on that, regardless of Tate might think, thank you very much.

"Come on, Dash. Mac and cheese with the mashed potatoes or meatloaf with the green beans or-"

Dash hunches his shoulders like he's going to gag, and Castle jerks his plate away, grabs hims by the shoulder, scoops him out of his seat and takes a walk.

He can hear Kate sigh.

"Dashiell, do not throw up," he hisses, then takes a breath to calm down. "Do not do that again."

Dashiell crosses his arms, turns his head away, swallowing thickly. Once he starts going into fits like this, he'll be retching all night. He does it to himself, the little-

Castle sighs again, walks farther from the table, out the doors of the Mercantile, develops a new plan. Julie suggested a change of scenery, diminish the site of the incident, and redirect.

Follow the plan, Castle. He can almost hear Kate echoing it in his head.

"All right." He crosses the walkway, opens the door to the Market. "When dinner is over with, we have to walk right through here to get back to the walkway that takes us back to our condo."

"Yeah?" Dashiell asks, the relief in his voice so clear and strong that Castle feels ashamed of himself.

Damn.

"Yeah, my man." He shifts Dash in his arms and pats his back. "There's all kinds of good food in here. And we can take it back with us to the condo. Do you think it smells funny in the condo?"

Dash shakes his head.

"All right. Here's the plan. Daddy and Mommy bought you dinner, a good, nutritious dinner that's full of stuff that will help you grow big and strong. You're about to be five, and you've been running around all day, and sweaty, and you got to play with Tate's boogie board, and we already promised to buy you one too."

"Yeah," Dash says, his voice very small.

"I'm not mad at you," he says. "You didn't throw up, did you? You stopped it."

"Yeah."

"I'm not mad. But boys who have played all day and are getting a special, early birthday present later - those boys should eat their dinner."

No 'yeah' this time, but the silence is encouraging.

"Here's the thing, Dashiell. I know it smells bad. And that's really hard; it makes it difficult. But this is what life is about, this is how it works. So you eat your dinner, give your bones and blood some healthy stuff to help them out, and when we walk back through here after dinner, you can pick something out to eat at the condo."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Castle sighs, carrying Dashiell down the snack aisle. "So think about it right now, as we walk through the store. Look at everything you might like."

And it seems to do the trick. Dashiell's wan face gets some color back into it as he looks around, cataloging the possible treats available to him.

"Even chocolate?"

"Yeah, even that. But if it's chocolate or candy, you have to share with your sister."

"I always share with Ella."

"Yeah, you do," he says softly, because even though Dash might gag at a plate of harmless mac and cheese, he *does* love his sister. He doesn't glare at her across the dinner table or purposefully provoke her anger. "You're a very good brother."

"Better than Tate."

Castle bites his tongue even though he wants to agree with that statement wholeheartedly. "You're a wonderful big brother. Ellery loves you."

"I love Ella."

"I know you do, son."

Dashiell is calm again, his head resting against Castle's shoulder, and when he turns back up the aisle, the boy points. "I want that."

Popcorn? Oh-kay. "Sure. You think that's worth the green beans and the mac and cheese?"

Dash shakes his head. "Green beans and meat."

"Okay. I can do that."

"No mac and cheese."

"None at all?" Castle frowns.

"Daddy, please-" Dashiell whimpers and the sound breaks his heart.

"Okay, baby, yeah. No mac and cheese. I promise." He palms the boy's skull and kisses his forehead. "Let's get back. Mommy's worried about you."

"She's not mad?"

"Mommy's never mad at you."

"Sometimes she is. Sometimes you are too."

"Sometimes I am. Mommy never is. She has more patience."

"What's patience, Daddy?"

He sighs and pushes open the door. "The ability to wait for things to go away when they upset or annoy you."

"I don't have a lot of that either," Dash sighs. "Ellery's got it all."

Castle laughs, hugs his son a little tighter. "You're a smart kid. And you know I love you even when I'm mad, right?"

"Yeah. Course. You're my daddy."

He grins, his chest eases, and he strides across the sidewalk, opens the door to Mercantile. "Of course. You're right. There's no doubt."

"You're funny," Dashiell says, sitting up and leaning out to look around the corner as they head back to their table. "Ooh, look. Tate threw something. His Daddy is taking him out too."

Castle passes Tate and Austin, meets the man's eyes to see that common look of frustration, sees it melt out of him too.

Dashiell bounces in his arms and lunges for his seat, like the whole last twenty minutes never happened. Castle puts him down, and Dash digs into his green beans, shoving a mouthful in, chewing fast. Ellery watches him a moment, as if to reassure herself, and then goes back to her mac and cheese.

Kate lifts an eyebrow and he smiles. All good. Of course. He's the daddy, right?


	18. Chapter 18

"Why were you egging him on?" she hisses.

He stumbles through the doorway with a sleepy Ella, glancing at Kate in bewilderment. "Who? Dash?"

"No. Tate."

He stares at her for a second, then shakes his head and walks away. He pats Ella's back and drops her on the couch, thinking she still needs a bath after spending all day rolling in the sand and jumping waves with her mother.

"In case you missed it," he says quietly, coming back towards the hallway where Kate is directing Dash in taking off his clothes. "That kid was totally undermining me. And what do you care? He's not our kid."

He turns on the faucet to the bathtub and sticks his hand in the water, waiting for it to heat up, adjusting it a little.

"No, but he's autistic, Castle," she says, shoving on his shoulder. He topples back, catches himself on the side of the tub.

She pauses in the doorway, bites her lip. "Sorry. I didn't-"

He shrugs her off. "No one told me he was autistic. I just thought he was a punk kid."

She's still studying him intently.

"Yeah, you pushed me. Whatever. Get on with the explanation part."

She glances through the doorway to Dashiell, then steps in closer to him, coming between his legs as he sits on the side of the tub.

"You were right there when Vicki was telling us about - oh. No. You weren't. You were watching Graham and Dash boogie board. Ah."

"Yeah, so what is this about autism?"

"Tate has autism. He was overtired, overstimulated. He probably has some of the same issues with smell and touch and stuff that Dash does, but he can't articulate it."

"Dash isn't autistic-"

"No, but you know what Julie said."

Yeah. "So what? We're supposed to let Tate get away with being wrong? With making Dashiell gag?"

She lowers her voice, as if reminding him to do the same. "Dash did that to himself, and you know it."

"Yeah, but Tate didn't help. That is like the *one* surefire method we have to make Dashiell eat stuff that doesn't smell right or feel right, and that kid was gonna ruin it."

"Vicki apologized to me when you took him out. She was really upset about it."

"Well, she is my biggest fan-" he says bitterly, and Kate smacks his shoulder, harder this time, but he's got his balance.

"Hey."

"You deserved that one," she says, backing up. "You know what means to me-"

Shit.

"Kate," he sighs and stands up, reaching for her.

Dashiell bounds into the bathroom, stark naked, grinning. "Bath time! Where's Ella?"

Castle stalls, glancing from Kate to Dash.

Kate holds her finger out to him, points to Dash. Right. Dash duty. "Mommy's getting her." He hopes. "Let's get started so we can have your hair all washed before she gets in. Then you can play longer."

"Yeah!"

Dashiell climbs into the tub and plops down with a look of relief, closing his eyes. Castle glances to the doorway and watches Kate walk out, his heart heavy.

* * *

><p>She sends Ella in alone. The little girl's face is intense, careful, and he knows she's reflecting whatever was on Kate's face when his wife got her ready for the bath. His daughter is like a little mirror sometimes. Ella touches his shoulder as she gets in, leaning on him for balance, and his chest constricts.<p>

He's not afraid; long ago they realized that neither of them work well without each other. Not any more. But. He's angry at himself for his smartmouth, and he's angry at her for some reason he hasn't figured out yet, and behind that is sadness for hurting her, purposefully or accidentally.

He kisses Ella's little palm, strokes open her fingers with his thumb. She softens and smiles hesitantly at him, then wider, her knees up to her chin as she sits in the tub.

"Ready for me to wash your hair, little one?" All the terms of endearment Kate will never stand for, all the words he wants to wrap her in, sometimes they come out here instead.

Ellery glances over at Dash.

"I've already washed his. It's your turn."

She shrugs and turns her back to him, tilting her head. The knobby ridge of her spine sticks out, her scapulae poking like wings as she hunches over, waiting for the water.

He scoops the plastic cup through the bath, elbowing Dash aside as the boy eagerly starts to recount his toys' latest adventure to his sister. Rick seals his left hand across her forehead and starts to slowly pour.

"Ellery, you can be Spidey. And I'll be Batman. And Superman. Okay?"

She nods, and the water he's pouring slides out from under his hand; she gasps and blinks in the water, then giggles, giving him a look.

"Sorry, baby. Hold your head still." He uses his hand to loosen her hair, get it soaked through, then rinses it again.

She rubs her fists in her eyes and hunches her shoulders again. Rick pours the baby shampoo into his hand and suds it up a little, then starts working it through her hair, finding himself relaxing as he does, the nightly routine of hair-washing working out his tension.

He massages her scalp; her head tilts back, her eyes closed, her body getting heavy. Just like Kate. Dash hates it, abhors getting his hair washed, but Ellery just sinks right into it.

Rick removes his hands from her dark hair, holds her up by a shoulder as he fishes around for the plastic cup. "Sit up, sweetheart." She straightens and he puts a hand over her forehead again, her head angled back, those wide blue eyes watching him. He runs water over her hair, rinsing the shampoo out, and she blinks.

Totally trusting him.

He rinses her hair again, drops the cup to work his fingers through it, make sure all the soap is out. Then he grabs the lavendar-scented no-tangles stuff that Kate bought her, works that into her hair too. It's so thick that it gets tangled easily; this stuff helps some.

Ellery is patient, her knees drawn up as she sits through his hair washing, her eyes getting more and more sleepy. She clutches SpiderMan in one hand, watches Dash in his intricate water battle.

Dash makes all the noises too, explosions and whispered-screaming, entire conversations about where to move the troops, the evil laughs of the bad guys (this time two yellow ducks and a GI Joe that Kate used to play with, courtesy of Jim Beckett last year). Rick lets the detangler sit in her hair for a little while, squeezing out soap on his hands to wash the rest of Ellery.

She stands up when he asks so he can get her legs; she holds her hand out for her own soap to do the rest, smears it on her neck with a grin at him, then down her front, her little belly sticking out, her chin touching her chest. She smiles at him in pride and finishes washing up; he dumpes the cup of water over her shoulders, then sits her back down.

"Good girl. Now let me rinse this out of your hair." She tilts her head back and scoots closer, one of her little hands coming up to cling to his forearm as he protects her face from the water. The conditioner rinses out slowly; he has to dump a couple cupfuls of water over her head to get it all out.

She holds on to him, her eyes closing.

He gently releases her, brushes a hand down the side of her face, his thumb smudging her cheek, wiping a few stray suds from her chin. "Okay baby. All clean."

She opens her beautiful blue eyes, smiling at him, and he smiles back, his heart full.

Dashiell crowds her, handing her another action figure and giving her instructions. Castle lets them have at it, leaving the room to search out his wife.

His pissed-off, probably hurt wife.

The possibility for six is fading fast.

"Kate?" he calls, but she's not in the kids' rooms, and their pajamas aren't pulled out yet either. So he does that first, just to make the transition smoother (more behavioral therapy tricks), then heads into the kitchen.

Not there either, although the light is on. He pulls out a sippy cup and a camelbak bottle, fills them with water, twists the lids on them. Castle brings their waters back into the bathroom, sets them on the counter, pulls out toothbrushes and their toothpaste from the travel bag Kate left in the floor.

Now for his wife.

He checks the bedroom, the master bath, but she's not there either. He stands in the darkness of the living room, lit faintly by the light spilling from the kitchen, and then sees her.

On the balcony, in the darkness. She's closed the door behind her, drawn her knees up to her chest, her chin resting on them. She looks like Ella.

He sighs, watches her a moment, tries to remember why he was so ticked off, why when she apologized for pushing him did he feel the need to lash out at her verbally anyway.

Trapped. That's why. He feels trapped. She's done it to him again, and this little misunderstanding about Tate being autistic has just highlighted how it usually works with them. Kate gets all the information and leaves him in the dark until she's got a perfect plan, a surefire way to work things out, and *then* she comes to him and expects him to fall in line.

Damn it.

He *wants* to be at the 12th. He just didn't want to be blindsided with it. He wanted to work out a solution with her, not have his kid taken away from him.

He sighs. She's not doing that. Still.

He closes his eyes in the darkness, the sliding glass door separating them, listens to the shrieks of his kids as they play in the bathtub. Their kids. Unbidden, that image that ghosted her earlier, the smiling and sun-lightened Kate walking down the sidewalk, her hand to her stomach, that image haunts him again behind his closed eyelids.

The woman who loves him.

Ah, he's an ass.

He opens his eyes, reaches out and slides the door open; the sounds of the ocean immediately wrap around him, susurration that echoes and repeats through the moonlit night. Kate doesn't turn her head; her eyes are closed.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I know what it means to you."

She lifts her head, opens her eyes. Still not looking at him. Watching the waves maybe, far below. Or the moonlight over the far-reaching water. He really hopes, damn he hopes he didn't make her cry. That would just be par for the course today.

"It was just an expression before. It's not now. I know that. Still I was using it like an expression. I wasn't thinking."

He waits, but she still says nothing. Twenty minutes ago, he might still have had his head so far up his own ass he'd mistake her silence for punishment. Instead he sees it for what it is: hurt. Kate trying to struggle past her hurt, to speak without her voice breaking, without showing him how hurt she is.

Damn, damn, damn. He hates himself a little.

Still, he knows the only thing that makes it better is. . .him. Weird how that works. He sighs.

Rick moves in front of her, the tall cafe-style chair at the perfect height for him to wrap his arms around her too-thin frame, her small, hunched body. He kisses her temple despite the stiffness in her shoulders, presses his cheek to the top of her head, her knees a barrier between them.

"I love you, Kate. You. I know you know that."

She stays like that, but she doesn't push him away. He figures there's more words to be said; he just needs to find them. She's always taken in by his words.

He goes for the truth.

"On the boardwalk, when we were all coming back from the beach, and you turned around to me? You pressed your hand against your stomach and said you were hungry." He waits for a sign that she's following him, but she's still silent. "But before you said it, all I saw was your hand against your stomach, and all I could see was that day outside the bookstore, pulling out that picture book about the magic castles, and looking up and seeing you exactly like that-"

And that does it; she uncurls and wraps her arms around him, rising up a little to put her face into his neck, her breathing shaky. He kisses her cheek, squeezes her harder.

"Exactly like that." He reaches between them and presses the back of his hand to her stomach, brushes his knuckles over her belly button, remembering. "That's how you told me you were pregnant."

She sucks in a breath, her lips against his jaw, her mouth soft and warm as she kisses him. The fist around his heart eases a little.

"I never want to hurt you, Kate."

She nods and kisses him again.

"But I keep doing it. I don't want to, but I keep doing it-" And then it's his voice breaking, and he captures her mouth with his, raw and desperate, wanting it to be different, knowing it won't because it's just how human beings are, how relationships work. You have to be this vulnerable to someone to really love them, to let them really love you too.

She cradles his face and forgives him, kisses the line around his mouth, the scar at his eyebrow, his eyelid. As silent as his daughter.

"Say something, Kate," he groans.

"Are the kids in bed?"

He chokes on a laugh, a dizzying relief of a laugh, kisses her mouth again. "Not yet. Playing in the tub. Give me five seconds-"

"Wait," she whispers. "In the tub is good for now. All we need." She reaches for him, tugs him closer in the darkness of the balcony, her legs spreading open and hooking around his hips. "Rick."

Oh, when she says his name like that, when she's wrapped around him-

"I love you, Kate."

"I know."


	19. Chapter 19

"Does that count?" she whispers, then blushes when she hears how thin and breathless she sounds.

"Kate, love, if you have to ask, I didn't do it right." He presses his lips to hers, too much.

Kate chuckles into his mouth and curls against him, shivering as her sweat cools in the night air. "All too right," she breathes.

"Still my biggest fan?" he murmurs.

She laughs - jeez, she almost giggled, the things he does to her - and rolls her forehead against his neck. "But you didn't-"

"Later. Not enough time for that."

Really? What exactly does he think he's going to be doing?

He rubs his hands up and down her back briskly, but she shrugs them away. "Not helping," she murmurs, her awareness still high and making her jump at every touch.

He laughs back, tightens his arms and lifts her up. She feels herself boneless and liquid against him, but she doesn't even care, lets him carry her down the balcony to a sliding door that leads to the master bedroom.

"Oh," she whispers, surprised.

"Yeah, cool, huh? Makes this very convenient." His lips brush her cheek as he talks and she shivers again, harder, her knees clutching at his ribs. "Ahh, Kate."

"You gotta stop doing that," she whispers roughly, her body arching despite herself, hands gripping his shoulders.

"Me? You're the one, ah Kaaaate-"

She squeezes his neck with her hand, tries to hold her too-sensitive body away from him as he steps across the threshold and into the master bedroom. Her legs tremble with every jolting step he takes, which only makes her knees press against him harder to lift her up, and his body responds to that and it's an endless cycle-

He laughs again, a dark and delicious laugh that curls in her guts, tightens her belly, and she uses her other hand to press against his mouth.

"Seriously, Castle, don't do that either. It's too much."

He stands still in the middle of the bedroom, his body trembling as much as hers is (at least there's that, she affects him as much as he affects her, but it's just that she's the one that hangs on the fine edge of pleasure and pain from it, all the time, not him). After a second of listening to his shallow breathing, she can sink down a little more against him, then she can drop her legs to the floor, stand on her own again.

Oops. Not quite.

He catches her with a laugh, holding her carefully, for which she's grateful, and then presses a chaste kiss to her forehead. She finds her sealegs (or would it be her land legs? since they just did that - _so well_ - in full view of the ocean?) and steps away from him to breathe without the air catching in her throat.

"Six," she whispers in the darkness. Jeez. She's still trembling, her muscles quivering. She could go for number seven right now and not even blink. He definitely could.

"Gotta get the kids," he says, his hands in fists now at his side. But he doesn't move either. She smiles widely, feels her some of her control reasserting as she watches him struggle to contain it, and of course, some of the argument drifts back as well.

"While you're recovering over there, wanna tell me why you're mad at me?" she says, dropping down to the bed and leaning back on her hands. Watching him. The muscles in the tops of her thighs twitch, even though she tries to look cool and in control.

He recovers pretty quickly after that, of course, and paces away from her. "Just. Felt a little blindsided."

"By the autism thing?" she says gently, because she knows his writer's mind worked overtime a few years ago when they were taking Dash around to specialists and trying to figure out what was up with him. She never once considered that as a possibility, but he must have. He was the one doing all the research.

"No."

Or. . .not.

"What's this about then?"

He sighs, runs his hand through his hair. "The precinct. Going back."

Oh, wow. That *hurts.*

Kate sits up on the bed, wonders if she should be standing for this conversation. "You don't want to come back."

"No."

Her chest tightens, breath catching.

"I do," he continues. "I really do. It's not that."

Wait for it, Kate. Stop hearing what you think he's saying. She breathes again, tries to collect herself.

"It's just how. . .how it got done, Kate. All behind my back. I don't like being confronted with these. . .plans of yours."

Oh. She did it again. She bows her head, rubbing her forehead with her fingers, closes her eyes. She's learned this lesson. Why does she keep forgetting it? "I didn't mean to do it like that, it just all. . .fell into place. I wanted to get it squared away before I talked to the Captain, wanted to make sure it could even work before getting my hopes up-"

"I know, I know," he says, and she looks up to find that he's dropped to his haunches in front of the bed, watching her. He puts his hands on her knees, flickers of heat curl up her thighs. "I know. I get it. Doesn't mean my stupid, wounded pride gets it."

She reaches out and touches his chest with a finger, sighing. "Your pride?"

"I really hate leaving those kids at school every day. I already don't know how I'm gonna survive Dash being in kindergarten next year and you want me to add another day to Ellery-"

She brushes her hand over his mouth, leaves it there, sighing at him. Castle. "I know. I do. I know that. I just. . .got excited. It doesn't have to be three days a week. Keep it at two."

He sighs and kisses her palm, moves her hand away. "But I *want* to be with you three days a week. And Ellery needs people around. More people than just us." He tilts his head into her hand with a sigh, and she curls her fingers around his ear.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I know you think I'm immune to it, but I'm not. It hurts me too. That she won't talk, that we've got to push her out of the nest-"

He shakes his head, frowns up at her. "That's not. . .well, no, Kate. I don't care about that. I can see that gets you. But it doesn't bother me. She'll talk when she needs to. It's just leaving her there. Not being the one to care for her full-time. I. . .feel like I'm cheating them both? I gave that time to Alexis, but I-"

"Hey, hey," she murmurs, stroking the side of his face, leaning her forehead against his. "Remember? This is good for them both. Better for them. This is how this family works, Castle."

He nods. "Yeah. I get that. I do."

But his pride doesn't. And his heart, she thinks. Kate smiles slowly at him, shakes her head so that he can feel it, pulls back to brush both hands across his cheeks, her fingers working at his sad face. "Smile for me, Castle."

He lifts an eyebrow.

"Wrong muscle," she murmurs, still grinning at him, poking her fingers along his mouth. She props her feet up on his knees and adds a little weight to them, tilting him forward. He laughs as he falls into the bed, catching himself with an arm to either side of her.

"There it is," she says.

"You cheated."

"I will do whatever it takes to make you happy," she shoots back, then hears her own words and blushes. Damn.

He grins now. "Really?"

She laughs back. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Don't let it inflate your ego, Castle."

"Too late-"

A cry from the hallway has them both on their feet, running for the door. Guilt pours through Kate, because she kept him out on the balcony (but it was fast! too fast), because she was being selfish and wanting him all to herself again, and her kids were in the bathtub for Pete's sake-

She stumbles in the hallway against Castle, her hands at his back when he doesn't move.

Dash is giggling and naked and streaking towards them.

"Whoa!" Kate jumps back, letting Castle absorb the crash with his son so she can then move around him and look for Ellery.

"Okay, buddy, wow. You are riled up again, huh?"

"We played WAR!" he yells, holding up both fists. Kate laughs as she heads for the bathroom and finds Ellery wrapped up in a pink towel, most of it covering her head. She stands next to the tub still, where apparently her brother left her.

Kate kneels down and draws the towel back off her head. "Ella?"

One little raised eyebrow peeks out at her.

Kate laughs again and pushes the towel back from her face, then wraps her arms around her daughter. "Did Dash help you with the towel?"

Ellery nods once, emphatic, and holds up one little finger.

"One?"

Another nod.

"Hmm, oh. You could only find one towel."

Ellery grins brightly at her, throws her arms around her mother, as if in reward for figuring it out. Kate sighs on another laugh and picks her up.

"Well, let's find your brother a towel too, huh? Before he gets Daddy soaking wet."

Kate drifts into Dashiell's room where it looks like the kid has indeed gone through every piece of clothing in his once neatly packed suitcase. On a quick look through, she doesn't see his bath towels.

Castle comes into the room from the open hall door. "Oh. Well. Looks like you really did look for it, didn't you, buddy?" Castle has already wrapped Dashiell up in one of their towels, it seems, and Kate can see Dash pushing past his father to get into the room, still only half-draped.

"See, Daddy? Not here."

"You're right, Dash. I don't see it either." Kate looks up at Castle.

"Oh, no. Don't look at me-"

"You packed them." She meant it as a question, but it doesn't quite come out that way.

"Are you blaming me?" he says, eyes narrowing at her.

She gives him a roll of her eyes and looks down at Ellery, still almost hidden in the pink towel. "Castle. You think I'm gonna take the time to fight with you about a towel?"

He tilts his head, gearing up, and at their feet, Dashiell does the same, looking between them. "Hey guys? I don't need a towel. I'm gettin' dry."

Their eyes meet; he has the grace to look appalled with himself and she drops her gaze to Dash, sighing.

"You're fine, Dash. You ready to pull on pajamas and have story time?" Kate says instead, using one hand to rub Ellery's towel over her head, winking at her when she giggles.

Dashiell throws off the towel and climbs onto his bed, testing it out with his feet before he starts jumping. High. And bouncy. Everything. Bouncing.

Kate snorts and turns away, heading for the bathroom and the connecting door. "You got this one, Daddy."

Ellery is peering over her mother's shoulder and giggling.

* * *

><p>Maybe because Castle feels guilty, honestly, she does too (sex on the balcony? they are crazy. seriously nuts. with their two kids in the bathtub?), but story time is in the big bed in their room instead of the kids' rooms. It might be impossible to get them back in their own beds.<p>

Kate showered in record time while Castle was still trying to wrangle Dashiell into his pajamas; Ellery sat in the big bed and watched Totoro on Kate's iPad, her striped leggings and tshirt on without any trouble. When Castle hopped in to join her only moments before she was through; she gave him a hard look, backing away at the glint in his eyes, then rinsed out her hair and left him alone. "Later," she promised.

She pulled on sweatpants from the pile of clothes already mounting in the bathroom, smelled one of his tshirts and figured it was clean enough, and now she's snuggling with her kids in the master bed, all three of them watching Disney's version of _My Neighbor, Totoro_. The catbus is driving the older sister around looking for Mei (the lost little sister), and this is the part that Dashiell likes the best. Kate has a content little kid on either side of her, warm and damp from the bath.

Castle leaves the bathroom shirtless with his pajama pants on, sees her in his tshirt, and gives her a look. "There's my shirt."

"Find a new one," she says. "I'm not moving."

Ellery turns a baleful eye on her, then her father, as if shushing them. Kate meets Castle's amused lifted eyebrow with an eyebrow of her own and they smile.

Dashiell cracks his jaw on a yawn and burrows deeper into Kate's side, his arm stealthily stretching across her waist and wrapping her in a hug, worming his arm between her and Ellery now.

Ella whines and pushes at Dash's arm, pouting at him, holding the iPad carefully to her chest with one hand as the catbus screeches through the night.

"Dash. Share."

"Don't wanna share."

"Dashiell."

Ellery wriggles, trying to squirm Dash's arm out from under her and back against Kate's side. Castle reappears with a tshirt and hops onto the bed, making everyone bounce. He scoops up Dashiell, prying the boy away from Kate, and settles down next to her himself. "I get Mommy."

Dash grunts in displeasure, but Ellery has already reclaimed her spot with a tentacle-like embrace. Castle shifts until his head is on the stack of pillows behind them, adjusting Dash on his other side. The boy fights him for a minute, then crawls onto his father's chest instead, laying his head on Castle's sternum.

Kate takes the iPad and stops the movie, exits out of it, puts it to sleep. Ellery looks mournfully at Kate and reaches over for her stuffed Totoro, as if taking consolation in its presence.

Castle sighs softly into the darkness of the room, a kind of signal. Kate pulls Ella up into her arms and curls around Castle, the little girl now almost between them, Kate's head on his shoulder, Ella's in the crook of her arm. Toto gets squashed up between them.

"Story time, Daddy," Kate says softly.

He closes his eyes, humming a little, as if testing his voice. Kate smiles and lifts her head, sees Dashiell curling up on his father's chest, his favorite spot during story time, where he can feel the vibrations from Castle's voice.

Kate lays her head back down, her daughter warm and heavy against the cradle of Kate's body, her baby cheek against Kate's forearm. Her little fingers make strange designs across Kate's skin, soft toddler runes.

"All right. What kind of story?" Castle says finally.

Kate gets to pick because it's bedtime in their room, because it's her turn, and she relishes the moment for an instant, her eyes closed, her husband large and solid and alive, breathing in the darkness, her family piled together.

"A good story," she says finally, giving it back to him.

Dashiell grumbles from his spot and throws an arm out, touching his mother's knee. "That's not an answer, Mommy."

"Sure it is," Castle says, defending her. "It means Mommy trusts me to pick one, any one I can think of."

Dash is silent, thinking on this, but then he pats Kate's knee and sighs. "Okay. A good one. Go, Daddy."

"You gonna be quiet?"

"Yes. Quiet," he whispers.

"No more talking. No questions. This is a bedtime story."

Dash nods violently, making the bed shake, and Kate chuckles, humming as she hears Castle sigh. She glances down at Ella, and the little girl is waging a fierce battle against her drooping eyelids.

"One almost down, Daddy," she whispers, moving her lips to his ear. She feels his neck twitch and grins to herself. Just might hit seven after all. Beating their official record.

"Okay, a good story," he says, and his arm curls around Kate's neck and touches her jaw, then his fingers rub the shell of her ear, making her shiver. She closes her eyes and tries to ignore what that does to her.

Ellery lets out a long, snuffling breath, a signal that she's fading fast, and Castle drops his hand, starts in on the story.

"A long time ago, there was just Daddy and Alexis."

Dash laughs but then quiets down again, hunching his shoulders into his father. Kate opens her eyes and watches him for a moment, but he has his eyes closed; he really is trying to follow the rules.

Castle drops a hand on his back and presses the boy into his chest a little, deep pressure, the kind he needs.

"Daddy and Alexis were a little family. They lived in the loft together. There was no Mommy," he says on a sigh, and his palm comes back up to her jaw, his fingers brushing across her skin as if to remind himself.

He's going to break her heart, isn't he? Kate closes her eyes and wraps her arm around Ella, curling a hand under the girl's neck, feeling her slow breath against the inside of her wrist.

"There was no Dash. There was no Ella. But Daddy and Alexis didn't know they were supposed to be there. They just knew that it wasn't always. . .enough. With just the two of them."

She is not going to cry. No. Not at this. Ridiculous.

"So Daddy and Alexis started looking for people to be in their little family. First Gram moved back in with them. And stayed for awhile. And that was good, but it wasn't enough either."

"Why not 'nuff, Daddy?"

"Because there was no Mommy. No you. No Ella."

Kate presses her eyes into Castle's shoulder, breathes.

"Oh."

"Yeah. No more questions, kiddo." Castle shifts a little, his lips brush her temple. "Then Daddy met Mommy. They were both at work. Daddy was at a party for his book, and Mommy wanted to arrest him."

Kate muffles her laugh into his shoulder.

"Alexis was there too. She pushed Daddy at Mommy and told him Mommy was someone new, someone they'd never seen before. Someone who might. . .fit."

Well, this is taking great liberties with the timeline, isn't it?

"So Daddy tried really hard to make Mommy come home with him, but she wouldn't do that. She had a job to do; she had to finish it, catch the real bad guy. She talked with Daddy at her job though. She talked to Daddy a lot. Told Daddy lots of things. And Daddy told her stories. Mommy likes stories."

Dashiell moves like he's going to ask another question, but Castle is already pushing a hand down on his back, quieting him.

"So Daddy decided that if he couldn't get Mommy to come home with him to stay, he would stay with her at work."

Well. Okay. That *is* kind of accurate. Huh.

"Mommy was good at her job, and smart, really smart. Daddy was happy with Mommy at work, and he really wanted to take her home with him, make her fit in there too, but Mommy had her own home, by herself. Alone. It made Daddy sad after awhile."

Oh?

"He really wanted her to have a home with people in it. Lots of people. Family. People who loved her. He wanted it to be his home, but it could be any place really. Daddy just wanted Mommy to be happy. But then, even that wasn't good enough. He knew that Mommy needed to be at his home. With him and Alexis."

For a moment, Kate wonders how much of this is true. And then she thinks of Demming, and how Castle made faces about it, put out, and that other guy. Josh. And how Castle walked away. Kept walking away. For her. To give her a chance to be happy.

What an idiot.

"One day Mommy had a really hard job. It hurt her. It hurt Daddy too. Mommy thought it would be better if they hurt together, and not alone, so she came over to Daddy's house-"

"You got Mommy home with you, Daddy?" Dash says sleepily, blinking.

"Hush," Castle murmurs. "Daddy had kind of given up, buddy. But Mommy came over on her own. She came home when she needed it, when she knew it was where she supposed to be too. So Mommy and Daddy stayed home together and found out that it didn't hurt at all when they were both at home. Together."

Damn. It's kind of. . beautiful like that.

"And that's when Mommy decided to add Dash to Daddy's home-"

"Mommy decided?" she hisses, digging her chin into his shoulder because her hands are filled with his daughter.

"It was totally Mommy's idea," Castle laughs. "Daddy wasn't even thinking about it. Mommy's the smart one."

Oh jeez.

"So then Mommy and Daddy had Dashiell-"

"That's me."

"And Dashiell, even though he was never good about being quiet-" a giggle "-Dashiell was perfect. He was exactly what Mommy and Daddy and Alexis needed. A little baby brother. Daddy loved him so much. Dashiell fit right in to Mommy and Daddy's home, and he had his own room with baseball all over it, and Mommy would come home from her job and find Daddy and Dash waiting for her. And Mommy stayed."

She sighs and drops her cheek back to his shoulder, burying her smile in his shirt. She stayed. She did.

"And then Mommy told Daddy that they needed one more. Daddy was so happy with Dashiell that he didn't think they needed anything at all. Dash was funny and smart and wild and talkative and energetic. But Mommy is the smart one-"

_Uh-huh. Don't you forget it._

"-and Mommy was right. Because the moment there was Ellery, the second we knew about Ellery-"

The little girl stirs in Kate's arms; she can feel the brush of the baby's eyelashes against the skin of her arm.

"-oh, when I saw Ella, sweetheart, I knew you two were all we needed. First I just had Alexis. But then I had Mommy, and Mommy loved me, and then Dash, and now Ella, and everything is right."

Kate swallows hard, feels Ellery lift her head, wobbly and half-asleep. The little girl leans in and presses a kiss to her daddy's chin, a hand on him for balance. Dashiell reaches out across his father's chest and curls his hand around his sister's little wrist.

And then Kate realizes she's crying, and she kinda hates Castle for making her cry, but she can't figure out why in the world, why?, why Richard Castle, *this* man, with his childish, too-big heart, would follow her to her work one night and decide to never leave her alone again. Even when she went home alone, she was never really alone.

"I love you," she whispers, gathering Ella into her arms, her mouth at her husband's ear, and her eyes on Dash. And she doesn't even know which one she's saying it too, only it has to be all of them.

All of them.


	20. Chapter 20

Castle's arm is falling asleep.

Pretty painfully numb now too. He flexes his hand slowly, and Kate stirs, opens her eyes.

"Didn't mean to wake you," he whispers.

"Didn't. Awake," she murmurs, but her eyelids are drifting again.

"Liar." He chuckles and watches her struggle to stay awake. "Hate to do this, but my arm is falling asleep."

She winces. "Mine already is." She's cradling Ella and laying on his shoulder, but she shifts a little and winces again.

The heavy weight of his family is soothing, but the irritation of the angry insects nibbling on his arm - the numbness - is going to drive him crazy. "I gotta get up, put them in bed."

Kate sighs and opens her eyes. "Take Dash first."

Which means she's not coming with Ella while he takes Dash; she's going to stay in bed with the baby as long as she can. Cheater. "Yes, ma'am," he grins and sees her narrow her eyes at him, so very half-heartedly. "I need you to lift up first, babe."

"Not your babe." She curls in around Ella, bringing them both up a little, and he slides his dead-weight, meat-stick of a hand out from under her, gasps as the blood rushes back.

"Hush," she murmurs.

"It hurts!"

"You're gonna wake him up."

"I'm gonna die first-"

"Rick. Quiet."

He shakes his arm out, trying not to move too much since Dashiell is asleep on his chest but not likely to stay that way for long if he creates a disturbance. He feels Kate squeeze his bicep and he lets out a long, hissing breath before wrapping both arms around Dash and slowly sitting up.

He eases his way forward on the bed, feet to the floor, his arm still painful, then gets to his feet and shuffles for the door. Dashiell is damp and sweaty from bath and sleep; his mouth moves against his father's chest. In the dark and cool hallway, Castle tucks the boy in closer and pads towards the kid's room. Once inside, Dashiell murmurs and sighs loudly, but doesn't seem to be waking up.

Castle reaches out and tugs the covers down, then gently lays his son in the bed, watching his dark hair against the pillow, his long dark lashes on his pale cheeks. He pulls the sheets and comforter back up around his shoulders, smooths it away from his face, and leans in to kiss his forehead. He finds the kid's teddy bear jammed between the wall and the bed, tucks it in with his son. The remote to the tv is in the floor, so Castle picks it up and puts it on the bedside table, then angles the clock where Dash can see it better.

Has to take a moment to stand there, breathing slow and steady, watching his son.

Then he makes sure the nightlight is on in the bathroom, and the connecting doors are open, and heads back for Ellery.

Kate sighs when he curls his arms around the baby and lifts her out of Kate's arms. She raises her head to kiss her daughter's cheek, her eyes drifting up to meet his. Something full and lovely and deep is in her gaze, something that curls like a fist around his heart.

As he takes Ella back to her room, he remembers where he's seen that look before. Or rather when. He has the picture framed, and it hangs above Ellery's bed at home, in the girls' room. It's from the time they all flew Alexis to Chicago for grad school, making one last family trip of it last year. He was mostly snapping pictures on his iPhone of his daughter's apartment when he turned and caught one of his girls all on the couch. Kate had one hand raised to Alexis, pressing their cheeks close, both of them smiling, and the other hand was curled against Ella's face, the girl standing up on the couch and draped over her mother's other side, her cheek pressed to Kate's shoulder.

Kate's eyes were the same then: full and lovely and deep.

After he took that picture, she'd shaken the kids off and stood up to look at it on his phone. All a ruse so that she could lean in and whisper to him:

"I am so in love with you."

* * *

><p>When he gets back from putting the kids to bed, Kate has slipped off her pajama pants and stretched out in middle of the bed, propped up on her side, her head in her hand. She watches him close the bedroom door and smiles.<p>

"You still up for the record?"

He grins back and stalks towards her, watching her eyes dilate the closer he gets. "You won't know what hit you."

"Such confidence."

"Experience," he corrects, and slides into bed behind her, curling around her long form. He slips his knee between her legs and kisses the side of her neck, brushing her hair out of the way. "Lots and lots of experience."

"Boasting about your many women isn't-"

"No, no. Just you," he murmurs, licking the ridge of her spine and letting his teeth graze it. She arches away from him, bringing her body against his hand. He strokes his thumb along her belly and slides the tshirt up. "You are my experience. The only experience that matters."

"You have all the right words," she says, breathless and burning against him.

It reminds him of their argument, and he slips his hand from under her shirt to stroke her arm, lace his fingers through hers. He slides his other arm under her neck, takes that hand too, and draws her up against his chest, both arms wrapped around her, their fingers interlaced and squeezing tight.

She hums and pulls him tighter. His body is wrapped around her like a blanket, taking the seduction down a notch just to affirm their connection, the rightness of her in his arms. "God is seven," he says.

"Hm, what?" She gives a little laugh, shrugging her shoulders against him as if getting comfortable. Or antsy.

"In the song. Man is five, devil is six-"

"Six, I definitely felt. . .possessed," she says coyly, chuckling against his mouth.

"Glad to possess you," he whispers back and feels the slight catch in her breath at the way he offers that.

"Oh what a stud," she says back, turning to press her mouth to the side of his nose. "So, so confident tonight."

"We good?" he murmurs, his cheek pressed against hers. He knows she knows what he means.

She smiles; he can feel it against the side of his face. "We're good. And you're *very* good."

But he won't be deterred. He raises his knees towards his chest, bringing her legs with him so that they are both curled up tight, together, breathing into onto another, bodies tangled. Preserving the moment, just a bit longer.

"I love you," he sighs.

She laughs and brings his hands to her lips to kiss the backs of them, one at a time. "I love you too."

He breathes her in again, reveling in the way their bodies press together, every inch of warm contact, and then Kate slides her legs against his, bearing down on his knee. He gasps and clutches at her, his concentration scattered by the heat of her body.

"Get going, Rick. Don't fall asleep on me now."

He laughs and tries to recover his breath, his plan - he had a plan for this, slow and steady to drive her crazy, to make her beg - releases her hands so he can brush his fingers along the long, milky length of her leg.

"There is no way I'm falling asleep with all this-" he slides his knee higher, closer "-right here waiting."

"All this?" Kate reaches back and squeezes the back of his thigh, then tugs on his pajama pants, as if he needs the hint.

He doesn't even have a pithy reply to that, just the overwhelming feel of her against his hands, his chest, the way her body urges his on.

"Pants off, Castle."

"Yeah, yeah," he murmurs and brushes his lips against her shoulder, the sensitive place at her side where her ribs curve towards her back, then he moves forward and blows a cool breath against her breast. Ignoring her command.

She does that little gasping _ah_ on a sucked in breath and turns suddenly in his arms, her legs scissoring to untangle with his, rolling him onto his back with a push.

"Enough-" she grits out, spread on top of him, her hair falling over her shoulder and trailing against his skin.

"Not nearly," he counters, and shifts to one side, puts her under him. She arches immediately into his body, grabbing his hips, trying to get close, but he curves like a bow towards her lips and takes her mouth instead. Slow, hot, the drag of his tongue across hers, refusing to let her set the pace.

She lets out a frustrated moan into his mouth and bites his lip, her hands kneading the muscles at his back, arched almost continuously into him.

"Hurry up, hurry up," she breathes. He lifts his head and brushes his mouth down the column of her throat, languid, exploring, teasing, leaving a necklace of heat along her collarbone. He rocks his hips slowly, purposefully against hers, and then she breaks, breaks against him, her arms tight around his shoulders, her body clinging to his, and that one word tumbling from her lips:

"_Please_."

He takes her then. His wife.

Seven, the number of perfection.


	21. Chapter 21

_This is a dream. This isn't happening again._

Kate tries to curl up, to move, but she can't. She's frozen, stuck inside the body of her memory. She wants to shut her ears, not listen, not be here, but just as in real life six months ago, she stays prone on the floor of the makeshift cell, unable to rise.

The room is black, hard concrete under her cheek. The crackle of an old-fashioned PA system hisses in her ear; the speaker right above her head. The room feels alive, breathing with that hiss. She's bruised all over, stiff with cold. Makes it hard to move.

She can't move;_ this is the dream; this isn't happening._

Darkness messes with her internal clock, throws off her rhythm, keeps her guessing. Darkness and the hiss of the speaker in the room make it seem ages, lifetimes, an eternity passing, swelling in the black, time like an infected wound that seeps.

_But it's a dream; she will wake at the end of this; she will wake up and time will start again._

It doesn't end, relentless night. The PA system clicks on again - how many times tonight? - squeals, and it plays the same recording it did before, it has always played, will always play: the sounds of her nightmare.

Because it is a nightmare;_ it isn't real any more; you will wake up again._

The voice, like an introduction to the screening of a horror film. Lightly accented Ukranian. So polite, cultured, terrible: "I warned you. You threaten our family. So we take yours."

The startled voice on the recording, Rick's voice sharp and clear in the darkness:

"Hey! No-"

The shot. Echoing in the room. She flinches, struggles to get up, a cold and icy terror dragging at her.

And then the screaming. The high-pitched, little-girl screaming that goes on and on, a loop, a cycle endlessly scratching the edges of the room, around and around, her daughter screaming-

_No._

That is not her daughter's voice. Not her daughter.

But she can't be sure. So rarely, so rarely has she heard her baby girl talk, that she can't possibly be certain of her voice. Her voice sharpening into a scream, tailing up in horror. She can't be certain.

That could. . .could be Rick's shout, could be her daughter-

No. This is not real. It's psychological torture-

_and it's working._

She trembles in the darkness, hands and knees, her stomach disgorging acid. The scream echoes, bounces around the concrete. She pushes back, stands, searches for a way out, something, pacing the cramped corners of her black, evil cell. Pacing to escape the terrified child, the little girl's unforgiving, brutal terror, wrenching at the door every time she paces past it. Out, out. She needs gone, out, her _baby _

The Ukranian gang is just messing with her mind. She puts her hands over her ears; she will not break. This is not real. That is not her daughter-

She's been here before. _This isn't real_.

But the Kate Beckett of memory isn't sure. Doesn't know. Can't bear to think it's real, but-

It could be.

Oh God, the screaming, sobbing girl. They shot Rick in front of her daughter and then-

The screaming ends abruptly on a choke.

The hissing speaker, the deadly silence. Silence worse, somehow, than the sounds of terrorized sobbing.

The recording replays, the hissing gives way to the warning, the shout from her husband, the panicked, sobbing terror of her daughter-

The recording replays.

The recording replays.

The recording replays-

* * *

><p>Kate is wrenched upwards and stumbling out of bed before her brain catches up to her body, apart and away, trying to separate herself from the darkness, on her hands and knees in the floor.<p>

She stumbles up, runs to the bathroom and vomits twice in the toilet, stomach acid, gags on the smell and the associated memories before slumping to the cold tile floor.

Why now? Why does it roar back at her now?

Because Ella ran off today, because the voice she hears in her memory is so very very close to the screaming little girl on that recording.

Because Rick said she was killing him.

_You threaten our family. So we take yours._

She closes her eyes and the darkness swamps in; she startles and jerks upright, letting moonlight filter back into her brain. She blinks it in, swipes at her mouth, flushes the toilet.

She brushes her teeth in the sink and spits a few times, then gulps down water.

_So we take yours._

He wasn't shot; she didn't kill him. It was a trick of technology; a recording of Castle grabbing a paparazzi's video camera spliced together with gunshots and a horror film. None of it was real. She was in the Ukranian gang's hands for only an hour. An hour of hearing a 45 second recording. Again. And again.

And again.

She didn't cry then. She won't cry now. They won't win.

Kate presses her lips together and eyes herself in the mirror. Her family is fine. Perfectly safe. They are all alive. She arrested the bastard's son for murder; he was beaten to death in prison. The bastard blamed her and went after her. But he did not get her family.

Her family is safe.

"Kate."

She jumps, catches his reflection in the mirror as he stumbles forward.

"'S Late, babe."

She twists around and he's already there. She grabs him tight, breathing in the smell of his tshirt and sleep. He puts his arms around her rather automatically, loose, his cheek falling to the top of her head. He grumbles and sways a little, obviously not quite awake, but he doesn't ask her anything more.

"I need. . .you," she says, realizing how it sounds and giving a choked laugh. Desperate and awkward at the same time. If they're not having sex, she has no idea how to ask for what she needs. "Cuddle with me."

"Mm, 'k," he murmurs, tugging her back towards the bed. She stumbles after him, unwilling to let go of him, and Rick grunts, huffing out a breath, amused or sluggish or surprised.

She follows him down to the bed, slides between the still-clammy sheets, feels him spoon loosely around her, too far away.

"No," she whispers, wriggling to her back. "Like this." She pulls his body across hers, chest to chest, his weight heavy and pushing the air out of her lungs. She winces as his hipbones dig into hers, but when he lifts up a little to give her space, she pulls him back down, knocks his elbows out with her arms so that he falls back on top of her.

He ends up spread over her, an arm curled up beside her head, her nose at his neck, their legs tangled. She breathes shallowly, her pelvis is already starting to ache with the force of his weight, her breasts pressed flat, but it's right, it's good, it's what will hold her down, keep her here, not there, not back there.

Pressure. The full force of his body. It pushes out all the darkness.

"Kate," he murmurs, and cranes his neck to feather a kiss at her temple. "I'm crushing you."

"Yes," she nods but wraps her arms tighter around him.

"Kate, love." He tries to lift his hips, but she presses her palm to his lower back, sweeps his knee out, giving him no leverage.

"Just. . .just a bit longer. Don't g-go."

His fingers stroke the side of her face, but now he stays. He doesn't try to make her talk about the nightmare, even though he knows that's what it is, knows by the break in her voice. He doesn't pry, doesn't question her, doesn't attempt to analyze or apologize.

She's so grateful for the silence, so grateful he understands. She needs him, his force, and silence.

"Kate," he sighs, and curls his fingers against her cheekbone.

"Just until I fall asleep."

"You're wide awake," he observes, raising his head, his thumb under her eye, sweeping the skin above her cheekbone. No tears to catch; she won't break over this.

"So - so tell me a story, Rick. Please."

"Kate," he whispers, his voice sounding more broken than hers, but she can't do anything about him right now, not when she can do nothing for herself. "Katie."

She shivers at the sound of her childhood name, but can't yet close her eyes. She presses her closed mouth to his neck to keep the terror inside, to not let it get out, not here, not with the beautiful moonlight and her husband and the sound of the ocean.

"What story," he says, his mouth in her ear, his fingers running up and down her sides, over and over. "Tell me which story will help you."

He smells strong and of home. Her cheek and ear and lips and nose are cold, as if she's been running in the rain, no sense to wait out the squall. Her brain isn't making the right connections; she can feel her pounding heart pushing against him. And the memory, waiting just under the surface of sleep, steadily tugging her down.

It'll be there when she does find sleep again; it'll be there all night-

"Tell me a story, Castle," she pleads; it sounds wrong on her lips but her hands are shaking at his chest. She can't dream that again; she can't take it.

He cradles her head against the long expanse of his forearm, kisses her cheek, her temple, the paper-thin skin of her eyelids. He has to clear his throat to begin. "Christmas Eve. Your dad was going to sleep in the guest room upstairs; my mother was coming in the next morning. Alexis was out at a party with friends. I spent all day trying to wear Dash out: ice skating, the park, the swings; sword fights. He was into playing knights back then. We made cookies with you and he got red and green food coloring on the only pair of pants you liked anymore, little red and green fingerprints."

A vibration runs through her, forces her eyes shut, but it's not darkness she sees; it's Dash's running, leaping hug, his arms around her as best he can, leaving smears of frosting, food coloring, flour all over her. She had to change her clothes to avoid getting it on the furniture.

"I must have overtired him, because your Dad and I were pulling out every trick in the book trying to get him to go to bed, fall asleep. He was too awake, too excited. He kept asking if Santa Clause brought gifts to baby Jesus just like the Wise Men did, and if the reindeer minded landing on the roof and taking the service elevator down-"

Kate sighs, long and hard, begins to feel the weight of him against her ribs, bruising. Her arms loosen.

"And you were downstairs. You were supposed to come up and tag me out so I could get started on the stockings, Dash and Alexis's, but you never came upstairs."

The Christmas lights from the tree swallowing up her vision, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs that night, breathing, hypnotized by the lights and the colors and the deep internal call that she listened to instead.

She can take a deeper breath now, can smooth her hand down his shirt, leave it on his hip.

Castle slowly eases onto his side, keeping her close. He lets his thighs stay tangled with hers, but now she can release her death grip on consciousness, can lay her head against his chest.

"I wasn't worried. I thought you'd started without me or you were on the phone with Alexis, or just. . .I didn't worry. And then your dad looked at me and I thought, 'It's been an hour already.' I stood up to go check and that's when you bellowed my name."

She can't even bring her scattered control back long enough to take offense at his verb choice; she just stays curled against him, focusing on breathing.

_"_It was your Detective voice," he whispers, runs his lips across her ear, makes her shudder. "I ran to the stairs and saw you sitting on the bottom step. You turned around to look at me and I could see it in your eyes."

His hand cradles the side of her face; he kisses her cheek once, twice, again.

"Your dad and Dash were right behind me, and when I turned to tell your dad, he just said to go, and I ran down the stairs and kinda jumped over you, grabbed the keys from the entry table, and when I turned around to get you, you'd already managed to stand up."

She breathes through the feel of his mouth against hers, soft and whispering, reverent and gentle.

"You looked at me and said, 'A little too close together.' Then suddenly, you grabbed my wrist, hard, and your knees buckled and then I was trying to hold you up, hold both of us up through the contraction."

She remembers the Christmas lights; squinting through the violent tension in her belly to the Christmas lights, multi-colored and flashing on the tree.

"So we went to the hospital and I thought we wouldn't make it in time. Two minutes apart, and with every one you squeezed my hand so I could time them. It was too early. That's all I kept thinking. It's too early and we were supposed to get three more weeks. But when we got there, they slowed down, eased up a little, and we all thought, okay, we'll get those three weeks and you'll be on bed rest and then-"

She sighs and curls her fingers around the back of his neck, feels her throat close up.

"-and then, you had Ella. Christmas Day. Easy and quick, all of the sudden, no epidural, you didn't even yell at me, just stoic and strong. God, you're so strong. I remember you said, 'She's too small,' but everyone said she was fine and she didn't screech like Dash did, she just cried a little in surprise maybe and I got to hold her and bring her to you and you were so beautiful and looking at me like you couldn't believe she was a girl, she was here, but I told you it would be a girl, I could feel it; I wanted to name her after you, but there was no way you'd let me, so I said 'Hey, Mommy, here's Ellery Kate-"

"I love you," she chokes out and pulls him tight, tight against her, tears now streaking down her cheeks. Not broken, not broken, just filled with joy again. Too much joy.

"That's the best Christmas. Ever."


	22. Chapter 22

"Mommy?"

Kate's awake before she can understand she's awake, where or how, the darkness easing into a grey blur and then the soft whisper of her son in her ear.

"Mommy?"

She turns her head, feeling hot and damp and sticky and heavy, winces as her neck twists against the pillow. Dashiell leans in on the mattress, his face close to hers.

"Yeah, baby?" Her brain is still swimming, lurching out of sleep.

"We're gonna miss church."

She closes her eyes, lays there for a moment, then realizes that it's Castle lying half on top of her, the dream, the early hour half-light, the boy beside her, awake and confused, or confusing. Not sure which.

"Baby, West Park is in New York."

"But. It's Sunday, right, Mommy?" His lips are nearly at her ear, one of his hands in her hair, twirling.

"Yeah, buddy," she whispers and lets her hand drift towards him, caressing his cheek. "But our church is at home."

"Does God go on vacation too?"

Kate opens her eyes to see the heightened anxiety crawling on his face. She brushes her thumb over his cheek and he ducks to avoid her, his hands in fists in the sheet.

"Well, no, God doesn't take a break from us. Remember the story about Elijah?"

"He makes fun of the other wizards and says their gods are on vacation."

"Yeah, and who is never on vacation?"

"My God."

She grins in the darkness at the childish pride in his voice. "But, yeah, buddy, God's here too. God is everywhere, remember? I'm sure there's church here on our vacation." A minute ago, church was the last place Kate wanted to be, but the idea is suddenly infinitely appealing. Dash is mesmerized by the whole production at West Park, and they have a kids' worship that he goes to by himself, walking back down the hallway so pleased to be a big kid. And Ella, of course, is a sweet little thing in church, snuggling close and falling asleep in her lap. Kate likes to comb her fingers through her daughter's thick hair, brush her hands over the girl's cheek.

Plus, Kate's had this love/hate relationship with God lately. She thinks a chance to sit with her kids and let the hymns wash over her, feel the prayers staircase up, half-listen to a sermon about being a better person. . .that might be good after last night. She needs something to anchor her again.

"Mommy, I want-"

"Yeah, we will. We'll find church. But baby, it's very early." She reaches for her phone on the bedside table, sees she's gotten a text from Alexis, and checks the time. "It's only four. Church will be at nine or ten, okay? So go back to your room and watch tv until me or Daddy comes to get you."

Dash sighs and looks at her longingly, his fingers reaching her scalp and smoothing down to her ear, his hand all tangled in her hair. "Can I crawl in with you, Mommy?"

"What's wrong, baby?" Kate can't even lift up from the bed; Castle legs are thrown over hers, his chest half on top of hers, an arm around her middle.

"I want to do it how it's supposed to go on Sunday."

She swallows down a sigh and pats the space next to her. "We will do it as much as possible like it's supposed to. But you have to be flexible, Dash. Come on up here for awhile."

Dashiell hoists himself up, his hand pulling a little on her hair, and wriggles under Castle's arm so that he can curl up right at her side, his face against her shoulder. Kate puts her arm around him even though the temperature in their bed has practically doubled. Sweat curls down the curve of her rib and is absorbed by her shirt.

Dash sighs again, loudly, and Kate rubs her hand down his back. "Baby, church here won't be like church at home. They might not have children's worship, or sing the same songs we do. It will look different."

"But God is there?"

"God is there," she says, and the funny thing is, she even believes it herself. Her father started taking Dash to services at West Park, Dash's preschool, and then Dash wanted them all to go, meet his friends, sit with him in the wooden pew. It just. . .got to be a habit. Now Kate actually looks forward to it, when they go, when *she* can go, and well. . .now Dashiell needs it as part of his routine.

"But not Papa."

"No. Papa is back in New York."

"Why didn't Papa come with us?"

"He was working on that fishing project. But he gave me and Daddy your birthday present."

Dash's head pops up in the dim light, his dark eyes and smile on her. "He did?"

"He did. So did Grams."

"Oh. What about my Issis?"

Kate grins to herself. "Alexis is coming here for your birthday. She just texted me. Want to read it?"

"Yes, yes!" Dash scrambles up and Kate reaches for her phone again. She gets back to the text and scans it quickly before showing it to her son.

"Can you read that?"

"Mmm. . .I. . ."

"I'm. I am."

"I'm. . .go-?" He peers back at her.

"Well, it's going. I'm going."

"I'm going to. . .to. . .oh that's the one on the computer, Mommy?"

"Skype."

"Yeah! I'm going to skype. . .the. . .kuh - kuh - kids! Kids!"

"You got it. Alexis says she's going to skype with you guys. When? That last word."

Dash grabs the phone from her and holds it down at his chest, blowing out his breath as he concentrates, his tongue sticking out. Kate rubs his back with a hand, closing her eyes as she listens to him muddle through the last word.

"Ton. . .ton. . .ton. . ."

She lifts her head, reaches around her son to put a thumb over the last half of the word.

"To," he says, confidently.

She angles her thumb a different way, blocking the 'to' from his view.

"Night!"

"Put it together."

"Uh."

"To," she prompts, juggling her phone to shift her thumb over the word.

"To. . .night. To the night?"

"No 'the', just to night."

"Tonight!"

"Yeah, you got it. Good reading. Alexis is going to skype the kids tonight."

"That means she's gonna see-call us?"

"See-call, right. On the computer. Video chat." Kate puts her phone back and nudges at his shoulder blade. "You okay to head back to your room? Mommy needs some sleep, even if Dash doesn't."

He turns around and crawls up over Castle's arm, practically sitting on her chest, then leans in to kiss her cheek. "I love you, Mommy."

She swallows hard past the lump of silly, sudden tears, wraps her arm around him. "I love you more, wild man."

Dashiell slithers off the bed and runs to the door, hanging on to the knob as he opens it. He turns around and gives her a beaming smile, all sunshine and light. "You sleep, Mommy."

"I will, baby. Night."

"Morning," he giggles, and slams the door after him.

Castle jerks, his arm curling reflexively around her. Kate uses the moment to push on his shoulder.

"Get off me, Castle. Not your teddy bear," she murmurs, brushing her mouth against the skin she can reach, softening her words. He shivers at the contact and rolls onto his back, taking his heat with him. She plucks her shirt from her stomach and fans it, trying to stop sweating.

"You 'kay?" he mutters.

"Dash woke me."

"Ah." He clears his throat but says nothing more.

"We're gonna have to find a church." She lifts her head and brushes a hand through her hair, trying to untangle it, get the heavy locks off her neck, cool off.

"Damn."

"Not the right idea there, Castle. Trying to avoid damnation."

He laughs and opens an eye, looks at her. "All right. Time's it?"

"Four."

"Shiiiiip. That kid-"

"Ship? Nice one. Personally, I like it when you say 'sugar jets' instead." She turns her head and grins at him. He does her the favor of sticking out his tongue.

"At least I don't curse."

"I don't curse." She curls her hair up and flops back on her pillow. "Most of the time. Only when you get me. . .off kilter."

"When I sex you up," he says, and she can hear the grin in his voice.

"Hush."

"Where's Dash now?"

"He went back to his room," she says and rolls onto her side, scooting back to find cooler sheets. Castle licks his lips and glances over at her.

"Ya think you'll wake up at six again, like yesterday?"

She shakes her head. "No, but I'll be up by eight."

"'Kay. Wake me and I'll google a church for Dash. I guess we all gotta go."

"Course." Kate reaches out a hand and brushes her fingers over the soft skin of his inside elbow. He curls his arm, trapping her fingers, gives her a sleepy, sexy smile.

"I should probably go to church anyway, say thanks for all my blessings."

She gives him a questioning smile.

"You know. Breaking a record and everything?"

She rolls her eyes and slides her leg over to his side, her knee up. His hand comes back down to curl around the back of her knee, rubs his thumb back and forth suggestively.

"Go to sleep, Castle."

"You first, Kate."

* * *

><p>Castle watches Ella coloring neatly in the floor in between the pews, her coloring book propped up on the bench seat and her tongue out as she concentrates. She yawns every now and then, and Castle is pretty sure she'll curl up in her mother's lap once the preaching starts. Kate is on her other side, her hand out so that Ellery can take a crayon from her palm, one at a time, and they won't roll back.<p>

They've already made the classic mistake of putting the good kid in between them and leaving the rowdy one on the outside, near the aisle, but Castle isn't going to shift down and put both kids side by side. That might start a silent, furious war that would soon escalate into louder skirmishing. Dash likes to be the center of Ella's attention, and Ella likes to color without her big brother's interrupting.

Kate glances over at him, eyebrow raised, and he minds the kid again, looking back to his son. Dashiell is standing up, halfway in the aisle, clapping along to the song. A few other people, mostly those down front, are halfway in the aisles as well, hands raised or clapping, so Dash doesn't stand out.

Castle has never seen church like this. West Park isn't quite so. . .progressive. The clapping and moving around in the pews, the aisles half-filled with people worshipping as the band - the house band? - goes into long, pretty awesome guitar or drum solos. Dash is loving it, jumping around, singing to songs he doesn't even know, making up words or just singing "God" over and over.

It's not the serene experience that Kate usually likes, but even she doesn't look too put out. In fact, casting a quick look over at her, she seems to be rather amused.

Ellery taps his leg and he leans down to hear her over the wailing fiddle. Yeah, a *fiddle.*

Of course, she just looks up at him like he's crazy, hands him the red crayon. Of course she's not going to be saying anything, is she? His mistake.

He takes her red crayon, then notices that she's colored it to a nub. He peels the paper off the side and hands it back, shoving the crayon paper into her bag. Kate flicks a finger towards Dash, and Castle turns in time to see Dashiell jumping up and down, his hands raised.

His kid is turning into a mini holy-roller.

He cracks a grin and looks back at Kate; she's shaking her head, but her smile is wide and pleased. She leans in towards Castle, her arm over the back of the pew, her fingers on his shoulder. He bends down and her lips touch his ear.

"This is what happens when you live by the beach all your life," she murmurs, her voice holding in a laugh.

"Or this is just how community church does it," he says back, lifting his eyebrows.

"Dash loves it."

"Yeah, he's really working it." Castle leans forward to snag the back of Dashiell's shirt, just in time to keep him from bounce-crashing into the woman in front of him. The woman probably wouldn't have even noticed.

The worship leader yells out "Hallelujah!" and the church responds with "Amen!" Dashiell gets into it, yelling back with the rest of them, fist pumping the air. His bright and wide and delighted face turns back to his father each time, as if saying _I get to yell in church!_

Then the leader calls out, "God is good!" and the church responds, "All the time!" Dashiell seems to like this one even more, and he bounces back towards them, squirming into the pew and stumbling past Ellery.

"Don't step on your sister," Castle warns him, a hand out in case he falls.

"Mommy! Say it! All the time!" Dashiell yells, turning back to the front just in time to fist pump again. A couple kids nearby have started taking up the fist pump as well, looking back at Dashiell with something like awe and adoration. Dash has a way of making all the kids - older or younger - want to follow him. Kate says it's the Castle in him.

Kate rolls her eyes over at Castle, but she joins in as Dashiell demands, not yelling, but Castle can hear her voice anyway, cutting through the others. Something about being a detective and a cop maybe. Her voice carries.

Or she's always the voice he hears. One of the two.

After a few more rounds of call and response, the leader gives over to the preacher, who looks about as pleased as Dashiell, and rubs his hands together, claps them a few times as if working himself up for it.

Castle pulls Dash back to the seat and settles in for a long sermon, and a difficult time of restraining and keeping quiet a kid that wants only to fist pump and dance in the aisles.

Still. Could be interesting.

"Friends," the preacher begins. "Let us all bow our heads and pray a blessing."

Castle sighs, puts his hand at the back of Dash's neck and pushes his head forward as the kid wriggles. They both bow for the prayer, and Castle feels a strange sensation.

Kate's hand, reaching for his, her palm up on his lap. He stares at it for a second, then takes her hand, so light and thin in his wider one. His heart flips a little when she laces her fingers through his.

He takes a quick peek at her, watches her face in the morning light coming in through the windows. She looks a hundred times better now than she did last night, frightened and sick and still in the grips of her nightmare, needing him. He doesn't like to see that Kate, that dependent Kate. It's not right.

He closes his eyes to hold in, instead, this image of her beside him, serene and collected and enjoying herself.

And then he offers up a little prayer of his own, somewhere in the middle of the emphatic and strident prayer of the preacher, a plea to whatever it is up there that Dash seems to see so clearly, that Kate wrestles with, a plea that his wife will finally exorcise her demons.

_Please, God_.


	23. Chapter 23

Rick puts his hands in his pockets and lets Kate do the talking, even though small talk isn't her favorite. He might readily agree that he's charming one of the two of them, but she's the alluring one. And he likes watching her cast those little _get over here_ looks at him, as if she needs him, or at least wants him there.

In her navy sundress that falls to her knees, skimming her hips, clinging a little, she looks nothing like Detective Beckett. Not even Casual Detective Beckett looks like she does now, sun-kissed skin, streaks in her wavy hair, their daughter curled against her shoulder, their son tugging on her hand impatiently. She talks to the woman who has made polite and friendly inquiry over their family, and already a few more church members have drifted over to greet them. Greet her. She's darkly gorgeous this morning.

Castle finds himself collaring his son and turning to shake hands with an older man, dark skin weathered by a lot of sun and salt, and dark eyes regarding him thoughtfully. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Castle shakes his head. "Don't think so. I'm Rick, this is my son, Dash. Dashiell stand still for a minute, son."

"I'm Clayton. Nice to have you folks with us. You just move in, or are you on vacation?"

"Vacation."

Dashiell hangs onto his leg and pipes up, "God doesn't go on vacation!"

The woman talking to Kate breaks off to laugh in their direction; Rick meets Kate's eyes, and they share a smile. He wants to be alone with her in the worst way. Alas.

Clayton releases Rick's hand and bends down to talk to Dash, tapping his nose. "You got that right. But I bet he loves it that you came here while you were on vacation."

Dashiell has lost interest in the deep theological conversation, and he shrugs. "I got to swim in the ocean. The big ocean."

Kate elbows Rick the second he opens his mouth to correct his son. She's the one who's been telling the kids it's an ocean. It's not. It's a gulf, the Gulf of Mexico to be exact, but she narrows her eyes at him and warns him off. Fine. Whatever.

This two-person parenting thing sucks sometimes. She keeps vetoing his best ideas. And his most important guidance - the stuff he is good at. Why doesn't she think it's important to stress exposition? Alexis learned at an early age, and she's definitely the better for it.

Clayton and the woman have both turned to Dash and are listening to his excited story about jumping in the waves and seeing jellyfish, which he thinks is made up. He didn't see jellyfish, but maybe Dash and Kate did? He turns to her, lifts an eyebrow, and she shakes her head, shifting Ellery and shaking out her arm.

Okay, made up story. See? This is why he should be stressing exposition. Sigh.

"Take her, will ya?" Kate says, turning and offering Ellery up to him.

He lifts Ella off of her mother and smooths down her sundress, red with small white polka dots, the straps tied into bows at her shoulder blades. Ella lifts her head and eyes him sleepily, then presses her face into his neck and sighs back to sleep, halfway kissing him.

He cups his hand around her little skull and kisses her back, loving the warm weight of her against him, remembering all over again the story he told Kate last night, the feeling of her so tiny and helpless and already so much a part of him as he handed her over to meet her mother.

He swallows hard and finds Kate at his side, watching their son interact with the two older adults. Her bare shoulders in the dusty light coming in through the lobby windows makes his heart race. He could really go back to the condo and start a whole new record. Really.

"Sounds like you have had a great vacation so far," the woman says, patting Dash's head. Dash looks up at his father with a raised eyebrow, so very Kate that it takes him aback. As if Dash is saying, _She just patted my head_ with exasperation.

Kate takes Dashiell by the hand and glances at Rick with askance. Is his almost overwhelming lust that easy for her to spot? "We just got here, but he's pretty excited."

Clayton puts his hands on his hips and shifts closer to the woman; Rick realizes they must be married. "I swear I've seen you before. Wow. Doppelganger or something."

Well, since he used *that* word, an Edgar Allan Poe word, Castle is tempted to tell them both why he might be familiar. Kate chuckles and nudges his side; he shifts his daughter and glances over at his wife. He wants this vacation to be stress-free for her, and getting recognized twice now isn't exactly what he had in mind. Seriously, people in South Padre read his books? It seems. . .a little much.

In the city, at home, he might take this opportunity to gloat. She's always telling him he's a legend in his own mind, has even played that *song* for him, but look at him now. Two different couples in this one small town in Texas.

Dashiell takes the decision right out of his hands though.

"Daddy writes books. He's famous and stuff. He makes monies and buys me dinner and lets us go on vacation. Mommy is a cop; she's got a gun but I can't even *look* at it."

Rick swallows and glances up at the two nice church people, feels Kate laughing against his shoulder. At least she's laughing. Might be saved yet.

"Ah, yeah-" he starts.

"Oh, I knew you were familiar." Clayton rubs his jaw and smiles. "Richard Castle. Right? Evie, this is Richard Castle. I swear. Who'd've thought?"

Rick nods and shakes the man's hand again, like they have to be reintroduced to each other, and feels Kate reach across him and shake as well.

"Kate," she says simply. And her eyes are smiling; they keep sliding over to meet with his.

Clayton nods, his eyebrows raising comically. "Are you. . .I mean, I heard it was you, right? For Nikki Heat?"

"That's me." She brushes her hand lightly against Rick's hip; he feels his whole body tune in to hers. He likes the warm fuzzy station she's broadcasting.

Why is it that whenever she agrees to that, to being Nikki Heat, it sends such a warm rush of adoration through him? As if she's claiming him, and everything that goes along with him, despite the trouble he's been for her, that Nikki Heat has been.

"Well, we're glad to have you," Clayton says. "We're fans of the books of course. Though we check 'em out from the library."

"Oh, but I bought the last one for my ereader," the woman says. Evie, he guesses.

"Hard to sign a digital copy," he shrugs, brushing his hand down Ellery's back, wondering when he got so nervous around fans. Maybe just when his family is around, when his tiny, helpless daughter is in his arms.

At least he knows that Kate can kick ass, should the need arise. He doubts it here, of course, with church people, but it still makes him feel good to have her at his side.

"Daddy, I'm hungry," Dash whines, bouncing on his feet. "I wanna try a shark bob."

Everyone laughs, but Dash is getting that mulish look on his face; he doesn't think it's funny. And they did see a sign advertising shark kabobs at a shrimp festival, so it could be that Dash read the sign.

"Okay, all right. We're headed to lunch," Rick says quickly, shooting Kate a look. She nods.

"Nice meeting you," she says, giving a curl of her fingers in a wave to the couple and taking Dash's hand again.

Evie and Clayton let them go, smiling and waving back, and Castle leads the way out of the community center where the church meets. At his back he can hear Kate quietly talking to Dashiell, keeping him calm. Ellery stirs on his shoulder when he gets to the SUV.

As Kate hands Dash up into his seat, straps him in, Castle buckles in Ella and brushes the hair back from her sleepy face.

"Ready for lunch, baby girl?"

She opens her eyes and smiles at him, soft and muted with drowsiness. Those blue eyes get him every time.

"Uh-huh." He closes the door, gets in on the passenger side, hands Kate the keys. She starts the ignition and checks her mirrors, then backs out of the parking space.

"Where we going? Condo or some place around here?"

"I want hot sauce," Dash moans from the back. "No more mushy potatoes."

"We have hot sauce at the condo, Dash," he answers, turning his to look at the boy. "We're not talking about going to the Mercantile, so don't get your panties in a wad."

"My panties?" Dash gasps, blinking at him.

Kate laughs and pulls out onto the main drag, leans back to flick a glance in the rear view mirror, probably to look at Dash too after that one. "Don't worry, my little man. We can find hot sauce out here too."

Castle glances down the strip. "We could go back to the condo, feed the baby, let her nap?"

Dash squawks from the back seat, leaning forward, straining against the seat belt. "No nap! I don't wanna-"

"Not talking about you, Dashiell Hammett," Castle growls, staring him down. "Sit back in your seat."

Dash sticks out his bottom lip and sinks back, crossing his arms. He glances over at his sister and his pout deepens, as if she too has conspired against him.

Kate flicks his elbow with her fingers; Castle returns his attention to her. She gives him a look.

"What?" he murmurs.

"Nothing. Just. . .nothing."

Yeah, right. "You want to eat out for lunch or go back and make them something?"

She sighs and shakes her head, her hair brushing her shoulders, curling a little around her face with the humidity. "I don't want to make anyone anything. But. . .if you'd rather get the baby to sleep-"

"Naw, Kate," he says, attempting to mend whatever fences he's somehow plowed through. "She'll fall asleep in the car and be fine. We can do something out here."

"Did you. . .have something planned?" she says, risking a quick look at him.

He did, but they can do it later. Tomorrow maybe. Or even an early dinner. It would still work in the late afternoon. Oh, and well, that too. But that can wait till they get back and get the kids settled down for a quick rest time. They'll just turn Dash's television up a little.

"I'm good, Kate. Pick a place."

She sighs; she must be able to tell when he's excited about something and trying to keep it a secret.

"Really. I'm good. It will keep, babe."

She growls at him, dark eyes flashing. Makes him a little hot, and *surely* she knows that by now. "Just for that. Mexican. Loads of hot sauce, Dash." She raises her eyes to the rear view mirror, but Dash is still putting on the fierce frown.

Kate laughs at their son and turns into the next shopping center.

"No sharks here, buddy," Castle says, egging the kid on. He's a bad parent. He loves to mess with Dash. Can't be that bad, can it?

"You're mean," Dash spits out, huffing back into the seat.

Kate and Castle both laugh, sharing a look. He knows that Kate has gotten that one plenty of times from the boy, but this might be the first time for him. "I was being kinda mean."

"You were."

"He deserves it."

"He does."

"I do not!"

"Being a brat, big brother," Kate says, parking in front of the Mexican place.

"Brat *means* brother."

"This time, I mean brat."

"Oooh," Castle calls back, opening his door. "Mommy got you."

"Mommy did not!"

Dashiell's petulance is only funny when Kate is around. When Rick's by himself, it's not so funny.

He opens Ellery's door, discovers her completely conked out in the car seat, face pressed against the side. He reaches in to unfasten the restraints and her warm, sleep-sweaty body rouses a little. Her lips smack.

"Mommy got you," Kate says to Dash, leaning in to kiss his forehead, her hands around his fists, just in case. "Mommy's always got you though, doesn't she?"

Dashiell sighs and slumps forward against her; Kate's not ready for it and grasps him awkwardly, falling into the back of the driver's seat. "You promise there's hot sauce?"

"I. . .think there is."

Castle lifts Ella from the seat and cuddles her against his chest. "If not, kiddo, we'll go get you some. I will. While you wait with Mommy and Ella."

He shuts the door, rounds the SUV to their side, and follows them as they walk towards the restaurant. Kate's dress lifts out from her legs as a breeze plays around them; she scrapes the hair off her face and tosses her head to get it out of her eyes.

Dashiell has her other hand; he skips forward, dragging her a little, and Castle watches the way her arm extends, long and lean and dusted with a little color, absolutely beautiful. He wants to trail his mouth down her arm, pull her hips back into his, feel her breath catch as his hand splays against her ribs.

"Kate," he calls out, watches her turn back to him. He's standing still in the middle of the parking lot, captivated by her.

She lifts an eyebrow in question, Dash still pulling her forward, gestures behind him. "Someone's coming."

He turns and sees the little red sports car heading his way, clutches Ella tighter and walks quickly to the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

"What?" she says, waiting for him.

He wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her, deep and thorough and rich, feels her body, sun-warm and responsive against him.

"That," he whispers and breaks away from her all-too-appealing mouth.

"I like that." She grins at him.

"I like hot sauce. Come _on_," Dash groans. "No more kissy-face. Ellery's wants spinach quesadillas, but I don't. I want a huge, HUGE burrito. Hurry, Mommy. Daddy, let Mommy go."

Kate's lips quirk near his, she pushes in for one last kiss, then breaks away from him. "Come on, Daddy. Natives are getting restless."


	24. Chapter 24

She must have fallen asleep in Dash's bed because she startles awake when his little body rolls onto her. The light from the television is casting blues and dark yellows around the room. He asked her to stay, she remembers, stay and watch cartoons with him.

She fell asleep. Darn. And Castle looked like he wanted to ask her something before she put the kids down for naptime.

Oops.

Kate rubs at her face and checks the clock. Only out for thirty minutes, not bad. She puts a hesitant hand to Dashiell's back, but he's pretty out of it, must be if he rolled over on her. She lifts her head to kiss the top of his, then tries to slide out from under him without waking him up.

She gets one leg down, has trouble keeping her balance, and falls out of bed. Wincing, she sits up and checks on Dash. Still asleep.

Ouch. As Castle says, That's gonna leave a mark.

When she gets out into the hallway, she can see her husband reading on the couch; he's bent back the cover and cracked the spine, no doubt, and she hopes that's not one of her books.

"Hey, stud, what're you reading?"

He doesn't even glance up. Which is fine; she likes the hair falling into his eyes, the concentration. Cute. Echoes of her son there. "Hey. A Visit from the Goon Squad. What happened to you?"

"Fell asleep. I read that one. I liked it."

"Yeah, yeah, really good. But. . .kinda sad."

"Yeah?" She plops down on the other end of the couch and leans against the arm, pushing her feet into his lap. He drops a hand over her ankle and rubs thoughtless circles. His eyes come up but still don't meet hers, his gaze abstract, focused somewhere else.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not that far into it but Benny?"

"The record producer," she prompts, getting comfortable. Something so. . .electrifying in talking about books with him. He loves the words, loves the stories, inhales them. And then he gives them back with a light and a voice she never expected, never saw before.

"He's picked up his kid from his ex-wife's house, Stephanie's house, and is wondering how it got to this, their failed marriage. He's looking over at his assistant, who is kind of like a younger sister to him. Anyway. Let me read it to you-"

She wriggles into the couch, waiting for the warmth of his voice, the way it can wrap around her. His hand moves up and down her shin.

"'What he felt for Sasha' - that's the assistant, remember? - 'What he felt for Sasha was love, a safety and closeness like what he'd had with Stephanie before he'd let her down so many times that she couldn't stop being mad.'"

Kate sighs, watches Castle's face intently, the lines etched there, the focus. "Do you think like that?"

"Are you mad at me?" he says, confusion wrapping his face.

She bites her bottom lip and shakes her head. She thought, for a moment, he was thinking of *his* ex-wives, and how sad it was he'd let it get to that. "So why is that sad for you?"

"Because, at one point, Benny remembers how he and his wife, ex now, used to hold their son and nuzzle him, and how good that was and. . .does it happen that fast, Kate? When do I start letting you down more than make you happy?"

She sits up, grabs the book, drops it on the coffee table. "You make me happy. You, Castle. And when have you ever let me down?"

He traces the edge of her shins with his hands, cups the back of her knees, finally looks at her. "I know I have. Just yesterday? Yeah, I know I have-"

"Rick," she says intently, cupping his face in her hands because touch seems to get to him when words don't. Words are his stock and trade, and so they often mean less to him than they do to her. "Rick, for every time you might let me down, there are a million other things good and right. But you know that. Where did this come from?"

"Just. The book made me think. I've messed it up twice already-"

"I thought you said we were fated, Castle."

His mouth parts in wonder, and he tilts his head. "But you don't believe in fate."

"But you do," she murmurs, dropping her hands to his shoulders and shifting closer, up on her knees on the couch. "And if you do, then you didn't mess anything up, did you? It was always meant to be."

"Uh. I like the way you think, Kate Beckett."

She grins back, laughs when he tugs her into him, toppling into his lap. He wraps an arm around her from behind and presses his palm into her belly button, fingers traveling. She gasps.

"That make you happy?"

"Ohhhh," she murmurs, giving him a little extra noise, impress upon him just how happy he can make her.

"Mmm, that's hot." His mouth brands her neck and his hand - oh - his fingers-

"Castle. Castle, ah, Dash's tv isn't up loud enough for th-that," she gasps, writhing, trying to knock his arm away.

He chuckles into her ear, but soothes her, lets her go. Kate moves back to the other side of the couch, pressing a hand to her cheek, lifting an eyebrow at him. "Whew, jeez, Rick. Save that for later, yeah?"

He laughs again, clearly back from whatever place the book sent him to, and pulls her feet back into his lap. She arches her eyebrow at him and he shrugs. "What you do to me, Kate."

She shakes her head, moves her foot a little. Just to tease. "So. Change the subject before I combust."

He grins, starts rubbing her feet, digging his knuckle into her arch. "Did you get to run today?"

"Yeah, this morning before I woke you." She jerks as his fingers her a tender spot in her foot. "Oh, no. Don't stop. That's good."

"You were already out of the shower when you woke me," he pouts.

She grins and pokes his thigh with her foot. "Castle, I don't think I could've withstood your fascination with my sweaty self."

He grins and rubs his thumb lightly along her arch, making her hips jerk. She hisses out a breath and closes her eyes, tries to control her breathing, her reaction. She's not sure she can handle his fascination with any of her self right now.

"Hey, you know there was another record in there."

"Hmm?" She opens her eyes and presses a hand to her mouth, watching him. She's pretty sure she knows what he's talking about.

"I got you 9 times in one day," he smirks, entirely pleased with himself.

She grins back, raising an eyebrow. "Actually-"

He gasps. "Did you *fake* it?"

"-ten times. Wait-"

"Ten?"

"Did I *fake* it?" She sits up, pulling her feet out of his lap. "You know me better than that. You think I don't speak up?"

"Oh no. You're vocal. Just flashbacks, having flashbacks," he shudders.

She stares him down. "After that conversation, did you just bring another woman into our *sex* life?"

He gapes at her. "Uh. No? Just. Into the conversation?"

She draws her legs to her side of the couch. "You brought one of your ex-wives into how many times you made me-"

"No! Not at all. Kate-"

"You know, you get away with a lot, Castle, because I'm not a girly girl. But this-?"

"No. No, no, no. Not what I was doing-"

"It's exactly what you did," she hisses, narrowing her eyes at him and putting her feet on the floor.

"I can see you're mad. I don't. . .exactly know why, but I won't do it again." He gulps as she stands up. "It was a bad joke, Kate."

"It's not funny."

"No, no it's not. Not one bit. Kate-"

She stalks away from him, then changes her mind and spins back around, pointing a finger in his face. "Don't do that again. There's just you and me, Rick Castle. There's no one else."

He looks startled for an instant, maybe because she stayed and fought, damn right she did, and then he grins widely, grabs her finger and tries to pull her down. "Meant to be."

She resists, still completely pissed at him because it hurt, damn him, it did, and that's twice now, and she's on vacation, the idiot-

"Katherine Castle, get back down here," he growls, and her resistance crumbles just like that, at the sound of the mixed name, the two of them, no one else. She sinks onto the couch; he pulls her legs over his lap, tries to get her closer.

He spreads his hand over her thigh, grips tightly; she glares at him, but most of the furious and hurt heat is gone, leaving just the heat.

"No one else, Castle."

"No one. Not for a second," he says roughly, his fingertips digging into the muscle at her thigh. "Never."

"Damn straight," she growls back, bruises his mouth with her kiss, bites his lower lip in punishment, feels his teeth clashing against hers.

His hand grips her tightly, moves straight for the kill, makes her hips buck. She growls and gets away from him, pulls him to his feet as well.

"I was wrong. Dash's tv *is* up loud enough for this."

"I'll make it quick," he says, crowding into her back, his hands pulling her, pushing, maneuvering them to the bedroom.

"I'm gonna put every other woman straight out of your head."

He groans and stumbles into the doorframe, the sound of his shoulder hitting the wood is loud, sounds painful. He brings her with him though, and she's trapped by the steel in his arms, the leg that is already hooked around hers, the mouth sucking on her neck.

"You already have, long long time ago. But you're welcome to remind me again-"

"Shut up," she moans back, tightens her hand in his hair and yanks him into the room.

* * *

><p>"Are you mad?" he says softly, brushing his lips along her ear in a grin.<p>

"I'm raw," she mutters, pushing at his shoulder to get him off.

But he wants to hold her for awhile, that's all, and when his arms don't move from around her waist, she relaxes again and lets him stay. She even brushes her hand up and down his forearm, as if in encouragement. He thinks, he's pretty sure, that he's gotten her to love these moments as much as he does.

"Raw is good?"

"Good. And a good place to stop." She sighs and pushes back against him, bringing his arm up around her shoulders instead.

He likes to curl up behind her like this, her body fitted against his. "Too much?"

"Very close to it," she admits, her breath like a laugh, her lashes against the back of his hand.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but it would be a lie," he murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to her neck, breathing in the scent of them on her skin.

"I'm not sorry. And you know. . .sometimes being mad at you, Castle, makes it even better."

She turns her face toward his, looking at him over her shoulder, and he's struck, all over again, with how amazing this is, she is, how just that look on her face can mean a hundred things, all of them good, all of them about him, about them together, this life they have.

"I've noticed you walk that fine line between pissed and passionate," he remarks, brushing his hand across her forehead, her cheek, brushing the hair from her eyes.

"What can I say? You bring out the best in me."

He chuckles, props his head up on his hand so he can keep watching her, observing. She has all these little lines around her eyes, her mouth, that she didn't have before. Laugh lines. It makes him proud, because he's pretty sure that he put them there. "You know when I first met you-"

She laughs and twists onto her back, looking up at him. "Really? Going way, way back there, aren't ya?"

Gorgeous. She's just. . .gorgeous. His throat closes up to look at her like this, hair scattered over the pillow, skin bared to him, goose bumps brushing her arms. He puts his hand, heavy, over her heart, forgets entirely what he wanted to say before.

So he says instead what he's wanted to say since she brought it up. "I want to come back. To the 12th. With you. Kate-?"

Her face breaks into a wide, relieved smile, all joy and light, her eyebrows lifting, her eyes mossy in the sun-touched color of her face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He basks in it, how he makes her happy - he makes her *happy* - and brushes his hand down to her stomach, smoothing his thumb over her belly button. "Yeah. I miss it. I miss you. We have this, but I miss. . .how it was when I first met you."

"You mean sexually frustrated?" She quirks her lips at him.

"No. Definitely don't miss that." He grins and feathers his hand across her waist. "I like making you raw."

She sighs, closing her eyes as he paints her skin with his touch, light, gentle, not meant to arouse, just adore.

"When I met you." He remembers now. "You were so confident and serious and determined. And hot in a prickly, dangerous kind of way. I wanted you all to myself, peel back every layer and discover what was beneath it. But really, it was the way your mind worked. The way you saw the world, what was in your world, the people and the connections, the tragedy, yeah, but the way you overcame it anyway. That's what kept me coming back. I miss that sometimes. How that was."

She lifts an eyebrow. "Not knowing if I mattered or if I was just your latest toy-"

"Never." He presses a gentle touch of his lips to her shoulder.

"And then, somehow, we were friends. Carefully, tentatively friends." She lifts her eyes, studies his face. He wonders if she's sees his younger self, his stupid and immature self. Well, more immature than now at least.

"I miss being friends with you," he says gently. He knows she understands. Sometimes the friendship part is all that gets them through, sometimes it gets dropped altogether. With the kids, the books, the cases, the early morning bodies, the on-call hours, the broken promises, the stolen moments, the photographs in the paper, the articles, the gossip, the fan forums, the fans, the cop's hours, the bad communication, the fights, the sex, the day to day. "I miss my friend."

She smiles at him, an old smile, one he's seen so many times before but never fails to spread delight through him. "You were a boyish, charming, infuriating friend. Who kept chasing other women-"

"Only you, Kate."

"Only me, now."

"Only you, ever. Meant to be, remember?"

Her lips twitch; the smile moves into that smirk of pride and confidence and tenderness. All those things alive in her eyes as well. "How did we get here, Castle?"

He laughs back at her, shakes his head, smooths his hand down the side of her face. She lifts up and kisses him, slow and languid and warm, lets his mouth go to fall back to the pillows. He doesn't chase; he considers the question.

"Honestly, Kate. . .it has to be fate. Everything in me. . .was meant for you."

She blushes, full-bodied and pink, barely there but warm and suffusing her skin. She brushes her hand against her eye, smiles at him. "Anyone ever tell you that you have a way with words?"

"Once or twice," he says, but he wants her to know, needs her to know. "But that wasn't a line. It was just. . .the truth."

"I know," she says gently, brings her hand to his chest. "Those are the best ones. And Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"If you tell anyone I said this, you're dead. . .but sometimes. . .I think that too, that everything in me was meant for you. Just you. No one else would ever. . .You're the one I'm meant for."

She shrugs, as if disappointed with the way words fail her. But he's never needed her words, only for her to look at him like that, for her eyes to seek his out, needing, lovely, full.

He doesn't like to dwell on the ways they nearly missed this. He likes making her happy. "So. . .really? Ten times. That might be a record too."

She laughs, her mouth wide and lovely, eyes on him. "Of course. Having such a nice moment. You gotta ruin it."

"I think that only added to the moment."

"You would."

"You did say infuriating and boyish and charming, right?"

She hums at him, wraps her fingers around his ear, tugs lightly. "I did. And yes, Castle," -her voice dips low- "ten."

"Which one did I miss?" He can't imagine. She *is* vocal.

Kate laughs, throaty and rich and oh. . .so amazing, like a dream.

"Such a tease. . ." he groans.

"Mm, that's the best part."


	25. Chapter 25

"Use your words, baby."

Castle looks up from the massive picnic dinner spread out before him, one of the condo's comforters under his elbows, the dunes at his back. Kate sits across from him with her hair in a thick and wild fall down her back, her shoulders bare under the intense, yellow sun. Wisps of hair float on a shimmer of a breeze, her lips are pink as she smiles.

His heart clenches to see her. Dash has made their picnic into a game of Indians on a hunting party, and Kate has dutifully donned a feather, cleverly holding it in place with a band circling her head. One of those workout headband things she uses to keep all the little flyaway pieces out of her eyes when she runs or spars. Now the white feather crowns the sexy mess of her hair as she laughs with the kids.

Again, their little girl holds her hands up to Kate, pleading with solemn eyes, still silent.

Kate flicks her finger at Dashiell's feather, causing the boy to jump up from the quilt, scattering grapes, but running to a nearby dune with a war whoop, grabbing handfuls of sand grass to haul himself up.

The girl glances to her father and Castle gives her a shrug, sighing inwardly. It's always a battle. He and Kate never agree on this. Their daughter opens and closes her fists with silent asking.

Kate turns her smile back to the little one, her eyes softening. "I need you to use your words, _mala_."

"Momma, she wants you to pick her up!" Dash hollers from the top of his sand dune, his knees covered in fine white grains.

Kate rolls her eyes and yells back. "I know that, _malo tuka_. I want her to tell me that."

Dash laughs so hard he nearly falls off his little mountain. "Momma! Did you call me a turkey?"

Kate grins back at him even as Castle chuckles as well. Dash has inherited his terrible and ineffective facility with languages (meaning he *has* no facility), but Kate injects a little Croatian into their conversation here and there. Mostly when she's talking to the little one, but she still tries with Dash.

"I did. But only a little one. And you are. Now hush and let your _mala sestra_ answer for herself."

"_Volim te_!" Dashiell calls out, giggling again, speaking the only phrase he's mastered: I love you.

Kate laughs back. "Ditto, little monkey." She turns her eyes back to the little girl, about to open her mouth.

Castle sighs. They're on vacation and she wants to push this now? "Kate-"

A single glare from her transforms her from sexy Croatian-speaking Indian to smoking-hot, pissed off Indian. He shuts up.

Kate glances down to their daughter and reaches out a hand to smooth the girl's hair out of her eyes. "Now then, _moja tiha_, my quiet one, I would love to do anything you want me to. I just need to hear your voice. Let me hear your voice, _moja ljubav_."

My love. Even Castle has heard that one enough to know what it is. And seriously, how can Kate think that she *doesn't* coddle their daughter like he does? She coddles the girl all the time. If it were Dash-

Well of course, it will never be Dash in this same situation because that child has no trouble asking for what he wants, no issues at all with speaking up. But this one? She's not delicate, that's not the case. She's just. . .

Sometimes Castle thinks she's just stubborn. Beckett stubborn. Determined not to speak. But why? Because she can't control anything in her little life, and this is the one thing she *can* control?

Yeah, that has some merit. Sounds like Kate, that's for sure.

Finally, after a long and painful to watch staring contest between the two, the girl gives in and opens her mouth.

"Please?"

"What are you pleasing for? Please what?"

Oh seriously. Kate. Come on!

"Uppie, Mommy," she whispers, those luminous eyes clear and direct in a way her own voice has never been.

Kate responds immediately, gathering their daughter so very close, pressing her nose to the girl's neck, her arms wrapped around the slight frame. The two dark heads together, tightening in his chest.

"Oh, Ellery, I love to hear your voice," she whispers, and when her eyes open again, Castle's frustration melts away. Because Kate looks. . .so relieved. So relieved to hear her daughter speak.

And that sucks.

But it's just how Ellery has always been. Confident, assured, but just. . .not much use for words.

Actually, a hell of a lot like his wife, Kate Beckett.

He just wishes that Kate would see it like that, wishes she wouldn't agonize over the girl's silence quite so much.

Honestly, it's only been recently that Kate's started in on the talking thing. Within the last six months. Castle has a bad feeling it has something to do with whatever happened to her, whatever terrible thing wakes her with nightmares.

* * *

><p>"Now, you both can be Indian princesses," Dash orders, whipping the feather off his head and awkwardly cramming it over Ellery's hair. The little girl reaches for it to hold the thing in place and turns to her mother, eyes wide.<p>

Kate laughs and readjusts the feather headdress so that it will stay. "We're both Indian princesses," she says, kissing Ellery's cheek.

"And me and Daddy are Lost Boys," Dash exclaims, puffing his chest up and glancing to his father.

Rick gets to his knees on the quilt then jumps up. "Yes! Where's Peter Pan though?"

"We don't need him," Dash scoffs, brushing a hand across his face. "He's probably doing kissy-face with Wendy." The scorn in his voice is so animated, so vitriol, that Kate and Castle share a look, trying not to laugh.

"Wait a minute," Kate says. "Didn't the Indian princess get captured by Hook and tied to a stake in the ocean?"

"Yeah, but we rescue you," Dash whines, because he probably already knows she won't go for that storyline.

"I'm not getting tied to a stake. I'm smarter than that. So is Ella. Ella, you gonna let Hook trick us and tie us up in the ocean?"

Ellery gives her brother a long hard look, then shakes her head.

"She said no," Dash complains. "But, Ella, you get to be Tiger Lily. . ." He draws it out, raising his eyebrows expressively, offering it like a prize.

Ella hesitates.

"Don't do it, baby girl," Castle coaches. "You are too smart for Hook."

Ella raises her eyes to her father, cuts them to her mother, then settles on her brother. She watches him, studies him, and Kate sees exactly why everyone seems to think Ella is so much like herself.

This is the face she makes when she's staring down a criminal over the table. That _I don't believe you_ look.

Castle is trying to get her attention. Kate waves him off, because she knows he wants to point it out. Again. But she gets it already. Yeah. The girl is just like herself.

Dash wheedles for awhile, trying to convince his sister to be Tiger Lily so they can play, but Ella doesn't seem willing to budge. Finally, she shakes her head and lifts her little arms like she's going to take the headdress off. It's enough of a threat that Dash gives up, his face falling.

"Fine. No Tiger Lily. Then what are we gonna rescue, Daddy?"

Rick leans down and whispers something in Dash's ear, too low for Kate to catch, but she sees Dash's face grow shocked, his mouth falling open and his eyes turn to her.

Uh-oh.

Then Rick stands up. "Watch your sister," he murmurs, and heads for Kate.

She backs up. "No. Not-uh. What are you-"

Before she can make another move, Castle tackles her around the waist and lifts her into a fireman's carry over his shoulder, swinging her around.

He takes off at a run, which keeps Kate from being able to resist him. Her stomach bounces against his shoulder with every step and from what she can see, the bastard is heading straight for the ocean.

"Richard Castle - don't you dare!"

"We need a - need a Tiger Lily -" he pants, his feet kicking up sand.

Kate completely and utterly regrets dragging his ass out of bed every morning to go run. Completely. Stupid, stupid idea to get this man in such good shape. She can feel every ripple of muscle under his shoulder, the solid rock of his grip across the back of her thighs, one hand at her ass to hold her in place.

"Castle. I am so serious. I'm only wearing a sundress. Put me down." She wriggles a little to test him out, but it makes his shoulder catch her rib and she gasps. "Castle-"

She feels the spray of the water as his feet hit the ocean, and then he's swinging her around in his arms, holding her like a baby, lifting her-

"Castle!"

"Hold your breath," he warns and then dumps her in the ocean.

* * *

><p>Of course, Kate takes him down with her. He wouldn't have expected anything less.<p>

Her arm is hooked around his neck and her leg sweeps across the back of his knees and they both plunge into the water, tangled up, wrestling to be the one to break the surface first.

They come up at the same time, Kate's eyes dark and feral, but he takes a precious second to glance towards the shore where they left the kids, just to be sure, and she takes him down again.

They jostle each other under the water for a few seconds, his hands slipping under the skirt of her dress as it billows around her in the water, then Kate gets a foot planted in his chest and pushes off, heading for the surface. He swims around her, dives a little deeper, at the limits of his held breath, then rockets up behind her, water cascading around them.

She sputters and turns around, laughing at him, wiping water out of her eyes, dragging the hair out of her face. The feather is missing, the hair band tangled in the ends of her hair. He reaches for it, for her, and eases his fingers into the soggy knot.

Kate stills and puts her hands on his shoulders, breathing shallowly, quickly, the waves pushing them up and towards the shore, her dress brushing against his legs. He uses his other hand to slowly lift the strap back up onto her shoulder, his fingers hesitating over the line of her collarbone.

"You dumped me in the ocean, Richard Castle."

"I did."

"I thought you were supposed to rescue me?" she murmurs, darting towards his mouth and nipping at his lower lip. His fingers lose all manual dexterity and he can only cradle the back of her skull, the rubber band tangled in his fingers now too.

She breaks away, reaches back to loosen the band, takes it out of her hair. All without losing eye contact with him. No promises in her gaze, just simple enjoyment. She likes to tease; he's always known that. He likes being teased by her.

"You said you don't need rescue," he says back.

"I think I might need a little more mouth to mouth," she says instead, lifting an eyebrow.

His lips quirk, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment by laughing. Still, he can't help but comment. "I think that was my line."

"What can I say? After four years of marriage, you've rubbed off on me." She hums and her lips are liquid against his ear. "I like the rubbing part."

His breath catches, his fingers curl in her tangled hair. "Only four? Feels like-"

"If you say forever, Castle, I will hurt you."

He grins and presses his lips to her cheek, letting go of her hair. "In the best possible way, Kate."

"Daddy! Bring back the Indian princess!"

He glances towards the shore, the remnants of their early dinner and the two kids standing hand in hand on the beach. The sun is making its slow descent in the sky, pausing to throw warm light over the scene. Ellery's hair flutters in the wind, still wearing her red sundress, sand up to her knees. Dashiell is in cargo shorts, his shirt off, his scrawny little chest puffed out as he bellows at them.

"The kids are calling," he says, glancing back to Kate.

"One of them is. The little one is letting the big one do all the work."

He laughs. "And that bothers you. I know."

She sighs and shoves on his shoulder. "Hush. Drag me back to shore, Lost Boy."

"Yes, Indian princess," he retorts, and lowers his shoulder, scoops her up. Kate twists, an arm around his neck for leverage, and rolls behind him, the water helping her escape.

"Not like that, you oaf. Knock the wind out of me."

He glances behind him just as she wraps her legs around his torso, her arms loose around his shoulders. Kate puts her mouth to his ear, tugs at his earlobe with a throaty laugh as he startles. He loops his arms around her thighs to hold her there.

"I'm gonna follow Ellery's lead and let the big one do all the work. Giddy-up, Castle."

"That's so not funny." She knows he doesn't like the stupid animal stuff.

Her big toe digs into his hip bone; she sucks on the skin of his neck. "Mm, salty."

He shivers at the touch of her tongue, clamps his arms tighter around her legs. "Kate."

"Get going, Castle. Rescue me."

And well, he can't quite say no to her. Especially when she unclasps her hands and rubs them slowly down his chest, her knees tightening around him.

He takes in a long, shuddering breath and starts forward, slogging against the pull of the tide and the give of the sand. The whole way back, Kate, her sundress sticking to him, her body wet and hot and entirely too sexy for her own good, whispers nonsense in his ear and uses her teeth.

And her tongue.

The kids are looking at them with reproach.


	26. Chapter 26

Looking at Ellery on the beach, bouncing on her toes, her hand swinging in Dashiell's, Kate squeezes her legs around Castle and slides off, letting him feel every cool, delicious inch of it. Ella looks like she wants a turn, raising a hand to her father, her eyes shining. Such a Daddy's girl.

Castle was so sure that it would be a girl that he called kept calling her Baby Kate. Which was annoying, like a mini-me, but he at least shortened it to Baby K. Or BK, depending on how funny he thought he was. Which of course, confused Dashiell and made the kid think that Kate was pregnant with a hive of bees, and called his mother the Bee Queen, which actually, now that she thinks about it, might have been the inspiration for Ellery's name.

Dash took to buzzing around her, and asking if she would have honey too, and could he have some, and then he had to watch Winnie the Pooh every night before bed. He would fall asleep to the Piglet movie and that Carly Simon song from the end would go around in Kate's head all night: "With a few good friends and a stick or two. . ."

Thankfully, Castle didn't insist on naming the baby some stupid cartoon name; he'd called her belly Spike when she was pregnant with Dashiell, which did more than just irritate her then (it scared her half to death how in love he was with something they couldn't even see yet) and it had convinced her that there was no way she was letting him name the kid when it came.

But with Ella, she had promised him it was his turn. If he had picked a goofy, ridiculous name for her, she might have killed him, truly.

She might kill him now.

She shakes the water out of her ear and squeezes it out of her hair. The feather headdress tangles in her fingers; she thought she lost it. Kate pulls out the bedraggled thing and drops it to the sand. Her dress, beautiful, ruined dress, hangs on her frame, rivulets of navy-dyed water running down her legs.

The two kids are hand in hand watching her with interest; Castle is behind them, using them like a shield.

"You are going to have to take me shopping," she says, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Why?"

"This was my only dress."

"So?"

She tilts her head, and he must see the look in her eyes because he backs up a step. Ellery keeps holding out a hand to him, lifting on her toes; she must want a piggy-back ride too.

"Yeah, shopping. Of course."

Dashiell lets go of his sister's hand and scoops up the Indian feather, twirls it in his fingers. "You're still a pretty Indian princess, Mommy."

She softens, glances down at him to rub a hand through his thick hair. "Thank you, baby."

"I'm not a baby; I'm a Lost Boy," he says heatedly, throwing her a scowl.

She can't quite suppress the grin, and Ellery comes forward to trail her fingers over a line of navy dye trickling down Kate's shin.

"Ooh, baby, stop. That tickles." She presses her dress against her legs and lifts a foot, eyeing the damage. "Castle-"

"Shopping. I promise. Today?"

"No, stores will close soon. It's Sunday."

"Okay, then tomorrow. Anything you want."

She lifts an eyebrow at him and steps closer, the kids following in her wake, Ellery squeezing the water out of her skirt while Dashiell tries to untangle the band from the feather. When Castle sees her coming, he stands his ground but raises a hand as if to ward her off.

Kate lifts on her toes and presses against him, full body contact, raising up to kiss his hesitant, apologetic mouth. "Of course anything I want."

"What do you want, Kate?"

His voice has gone from pleading to demanding in the blink of an eye, and Kate feels her flesh warm at the sound, the sunlight turning the very air around him golden.

"More of you," she says back, sucking on his lip, her teeth grazing him, then moving away.

He shivers and rubs his hands down his face. She likes to watch him get flustered. Any time they go for a record, he always tries to be so solicitous the day after, tries to keep his hands off, tries to let her rest, tries not to touch her so much. It's quite fun to tease him the day after. How long can he go before he caves and takes her?

"You're an evil woman," he mutters, too low for the kids to hear, but his eyes intent on her.

She grins back and gathers her skirt up a little, tugging it out of Ellery's hands. "Let's go pack up our dinner and head back to the condo for our swimsuits. Okay guys?"

"Yay!" Dashiell yells, dropping the clump of feather back into the sand and throwing up both his arms. Ellery mimics him, silently, and starts dancing in the shallow water at the shoreline, looking a little crazed.

"Wow," Castle laughs, hands on his hips. "Ella. Nice moves."

Ellery grins at them and takes a big jump into a pool left stranded by the low tide, splashing water back up over her head, her eyes squeezed shut. She gasps and sputters, wipes her hands across her face, pushing her hair out of her mouth.

"Fun, huh? Let's get the dress off you and put on swimsuits. Okay?" Kate holds out her hand and Ellery comes running, grabbing her fingers, swinging.

Dashiell has run on ahead, stopping at the comforter with their stuff, and now he starts throwing things into the bag.

"Ooh, Castle - go help him."

Castle is already jogging forward, calling for Dash to wait up a second.

At her side, Ellery twirls around under Kate's hand, her dress flaring up, and grins up at her mother.

"You look beautiful, baby girl."

Ella releases her hand with a smile and runs toward her father, arms raised as if remembering her piggy-back ride.

* * *

><p>Castle changes clothes while Kate unpacks the bag with their leftover dinner. The kids war whoop around her legs, hiding in her skirt, knocking into cabinets, and she nudges Dashiell away with her knee.<p>

"Go strip down. You need swimsuits on to go back to the beach."

Ellery shoves her brother and runs for her room, giggling like crazy, Dashiell on her heels, chasing her with a growl.

"Swimsuits!" Kate yells after them, heading for her bedroom.

Kate finds Castle in the bathroom rubbing sunblock over his shoulders, navy trunks slung low on his hips; she takes the bottle away from him, squeezes some out, and slides her hands up and down his back, playing with it, her thumbs digging into the muscles along his spine. When she's done, he turns and wraps his arms around her, his mouth against her ear.

"Let me change, Castle."

He presents her with kisses while she strips off the ruined dress. A kiss at her shoulder while she scrubs blue dye off her legs; a kiss at her back as she slithers into her almost dry swimsuit. A handful of kisses like wildflowers, innocent and unfolding, all along her hands when she stops and turns to him, the reproach dying on her lips.

She curls her fingers around his jaw and lifts his head to press her cool mouth to his, warming.

"Love you, Kate," he murmurs.

She stands in it, like a pool of light, letting it illuminate her whole world.

"Love you more, Rick Castle." A brush of her fingers across his lips, sighing. "Now go change the kids."

He drops his hands and leaves with a smile on his face. A smile that stays with her as Kate applies a layer of sunblock, remembering the tops of her feet this time, the shine of her forehead. He can be such a lovely, adorable man. Sometimes.

She grabs the beach bag from the bathroom floor and drops the sunscreen inside, then switches out the books. Castle's finished with his paperback; she finds Goon Squad on the bedside table and puts it in the front pocket, along with her copy of City of Thieves, which she's reading for the second time. Sunglasses go in next, also on the bedside table, then she wanders out of the room to grab water bottles.

Dashiell barrels down the hallway and smacks into the open fridge door, not looking, rebounds off.

"Dash-"

"Ow. Hey. Daddy says-"

"Did you hurt your head?"

"No, ow. Mo-om," he whines, jerking his chin out of her fingers.

"Da-ash," she repeats, exaggerating the sound. "Let me see."

Kate brushes her thumb over the goose egg already appearing at his temple. He pinches his eyes shut and suffers through, not making another noise. But his knee bounces impatiently.

"Hmm, I think we'll need an ice pack."

"But I wanna jump in the waves!"

"Shoulda been looking where you were going, tough guy. We'll ice it down for twenty minutes when we get to the beach. Then you can jump waves. Got it?"

"Arg," he moans.

"Now. What did Daddy say?" Kate straightens up and opens the freezer door, the cold air giving her goose bumps. Dashiell reaches out and rubs his hand over her leg, fascinated by the texture, as always, but not exactly paying attention.

"Daddy says to ask you where Ella's suit is."

"Oh." She grabs an ice pack (sad that she has to travel with ice packs because she knows her kids so very well), and drops it in the bag, then their waters as well. "Uh. Tell daddy to get a new one."

"We looked for the others. Couldn't find them."

Uh-oh. Kate leaves the bag, slams the freezer shut, and heads for the stacked washer and dryer, opening the door of the washer. At the bottom, her beach wrap and Ella's swimsuit, both of which, along with the towels, she and Castle forgot to wash. Other things on their minds. Like a record-breaking day.

She reaches inside and pulls them both out, shakes out Ella's suit first. Sniffs it. A little. . .sour smelling. "Dash, kiddo, can you smell this?"

"Ew."

Damn. "You think it will go away in the water?"

"Um, sure."

"Will it bother you until then?"

Dashiell wrinkles his nose, steps closer to grab the swimsuit. He takes a long look at the offending thing, then sighs. "I can handle it."

Kate grins to herself, bites her lip to keep him from seeing it. "Thanks for being flexible. Will you take it to Daddy? - No, wait. I will. You don't have to touch it any more."

She plucks it out of his hands and touches his shoulder.

"I need sunblock too, Mommy."

"I'll do it. Get it out of the bag and wait for me here."

Kate carries the swimsuit down the hall, tugging on her wrap as she does, tying it at her waist. Probably the smell will dissipate in the sun, and then she'll just have Castle wash everything tonight. In Ellery's room, she finds them in an impromptu piggy-back ride, Ellery's arms locked around his throat, naked except for her spongebob underwear, her hair in her eyes as she giggles.

"This is her only suit?" Kate asks, holding up the black thing with its pink ruffles.

"I thought I packed the others-"

Kate glances sharply at Ella, the little face peeking out over her father's shoulder. "You hid them at home, didn't you, _moja mala sakupljačica stvari_?"

"What did *that* mean?" Castle asks.

Ellery lifts an eyebrow, an utterly unconvincing performance protesting her innocence, but thoroughly and adorably persuasive. Kate sighs and hands Castle the swimsuit, watching him as he squats and lets Ellery down to the floor.

"Uh, basically, I called her a collector of things." Kate frowns at her daughter as she hops around the room, avoiding Castle's reach. "Stop, baby, and let Daddy put your swimsuit on."

Ella strips and raises her arms to her father's shoulders for balance, Castle holding out the swimsuit for her to step into. "It sounded kinda dirty."

"Hush. We'll shop tomorrow morning," Kate says, dropping onto the floor next to Ella, crossing her legs out in front of her. "Get her a couple swimsuits so we don't have to wash it every day. And me a new dress."

"Yeah. Still not sorry for that though." He grins, knocks his shoulder into hers. "Ella, other foot."

"There's a surf shop a mile down. They sell suits."

Castle's eyes come up to meet hers. "And they do surfing lessons. Wouldn't that be cool?"

His enthusiasm slides into her. "Actually. Yeah? I do kind of want to try that."

He grins, leans over on his knees to push a kiss into her mouth. "Awesome, babe. Let's learn to surf."

"You can call me babe when you manage to ride a wave. Until then, off limits."

Castle smiles, practically squirming with delight. "Gnarly."

Ellery giggles, tugging on her swimsuit and dancing around the floor to get it pulled up. "Gnarly," she repeats, casting grins at both of them.

Kate lets out a startled laugh and glances at Castle.

He reaches out and helps her with the straps of her swimsuit. "Can you say Kowabunga?"

Ella tilts her head and gives him a long-suffering look. Kate laughs harder as Castle turns to her with a scowl.

"That's your look. You're corrupting our daughter."

"MOM-MY!" a voice yells down the hall. Thoroughly impatient.

"Oh, oops. I'm supposed to sunscreen him up. Ellery, love, come with me. I'll do you too."

Castle gets to his feet as well. "Will you do me?" His eyes flash at her, dark and amused.

She gives him back his kisses, all at once, perfect innocence and poise, lightly, her lips against his, pushes back from him to watch his reaction. "I've already done you, Castle."


	27. Chapter 27

Castle is on his hands and knees, scraping out a moat with his cupped fingers, packing the wet sand against the sides and trying to stay ahead of the tide. Dashiell runs in circles around their sand castle, giving directions to his family, mostly to Ellery who is the only one who will listen to him, occasionally stopping to splash in the encroaching waves.

Kate looks up at Rick from her position opposite him, slowly sliding the bucket off the mound of sand she's shaped into a tower, her hair in a loose bun, sand sprinkled down the side of her neck. Probably from Dash running around and kicking it up.

At his side, little Ella makes careful castle walls between the towers, her hands steady and so small against the fragile sand.

"Here, baby girl, use the wet sand. It will stick together," he says, scraping more sand out and showing her how to shape the walls with it. Ellery's little tongue pokes out between her red lips as she works, her hair falling in her face. She stops every so often to push it back, so now little grains of sand are sprinkled all through the dark strands. Everyone is going to need a really good bath tonight.

Dashiell is deep into his story, too excited to sit still and keep building. He was the one who started them all on this project, but now he roams to the waves and gathers bits of shells or sticks and brings them back to add on. He dances through a wave, skips a little, comes back to the sand castle with a hand clutching a shovel that he waves around like a sword.

"And then the king of the castle can call for all his soldiers, Daddy. The soldiers get to be up on all the walls to protect the king-"

"And the king's family," Rick adds.

"Yeah, and then the soldiers will shoot their arrows - phew, phew - like that - phew phew phew-"

"Phew is the noise the arrow makes?" Kate says, her lips quirking. Castle shoots her a look and hides his own smile in the side of his arm.

"Yeah, Mommy. And then the arrows go whoosh whoosh into all them's chests, all the bad guys gonna fall over like this-" And Dashiell flops into the sand with a groan, thrashing, kicking his heels. He makes a final noise, sticks his tongue out.

Castle can see Kate grinning.

"What happens after that?" he says.

"They die. All them bad dudes die and there's blood *everywhere* but the ocean is gonna wash it all away away away-" He jumps up and shoots his hand into the air, then slaps it down on an incoming wave, creating a wall of water that splashes Ellery. The girl shakes her head and uses her shoulder to wipe water off her face.

Kate is giving their son a stunned look.

Castle should've warned Kate about the violence inherent in Dashiell's every story, because Kate's face looks absolutely horrified and she shoots him a long, panicked look. Castle shakes his head.

"So there's blood everywhere and all the bad guys die. What happens to their bodies?" he asks.

Kate glares at him, but he gestures for her to let it go and scrapes out more sand. He's learned that Dash has to be walked through every aspect of his fantastic stories to give him a sense of completion, of being at the end, which he recognizes as something the kid has inherited from both of them - the need for justice and the need for the stories to be right, to be true. A little of him and a little of Kate.

"All them bad guys bodies get swept out to the sea and they sink way down down down, all the way to the bottom. And Daddy there's a Daby Jones down there and he takes care of it. Like you said."

Kate shoots him another look, daggers.

Castle ignores her. "Davy Jones you mean?"

"Yeah. Davy Jones. What else, Daddy?"

"Well, Davy Jones has a locker down at the deepest part, which is the bottom of the ocean."

"Does Davy have any friends?"

"Well, he takes care of dead people who-"

"Rick," Kate warns softly, nodding to Ellery.

He glances down and sees the girl watching him intently, but in fascination. Still. "Uh, they've both heard this one already," he admits to Kate, giving her a little laugh.

She sighs and shakes her head, but really what can she say? He's the one with them during the day. And stories are good for the soul; stories explain how the world works and how to live well in it. Even the ones about Davy Jones's locker.

"So, Davy takes care of the dead people in their deep sea graves-"

"He plants the seaweed flowers!" Dashiell interrupts. "And, and, oh, and rakes the sand, and makes the tombstones."

"Right."

Kate laughs and pulls back from the sand castle to keep from knocking anything down, giving Rick a long look. He shrugs at her.

"So if Davy has friends, they're mostly-"

"All the dead people!" Dashiell roars, and starts running around again, jumping over piles of shells he's left for them and stumbling into the pitted places where they've dug out sand for their castle.

Ellery giggles and leans over the moat to make more walls, crumbling one side of the castle down into the already lapping waves. The sand gets washed away, part of Kate's tower slips into the moat and gets reformed into a lump by the water.

"Hey! No! Ellery K, watch it!" Dashiell darts over but Castle snags him before he can make it to his sister.

"Dashiell."

"But she's *ruining* it-"

"Dashiell, it was an accident and it can be fixed. Take a breath and walk away."

Dashiell clenches his teeth together and gets that warning pout on his face, but he spins off and stomps a few feet away, growling under his breath.

Kate is already repairing the damage, brushing a finger along Ellery's arm in reassurance.

"No big deal, Ella," Rick adds. "I like your walls; you're doing a good job. And you know what? I can make the moat bigger so that you can sit in it and not have to lean over. Wanna do that?"

She nods quickly, shooting a glance over at her still angry brother, then back to her father.

"Hey, baby girl, you didn't do anything wrong. It's mommy's tower, remember? She made it. And Mommy doesn't mind doing it again, do you, Mommy?"

"Not at all. I think it was a little crooked anyway. This way I can make it better." Kate winks at Ella and the girl settles down into the wider ditch that Castle is already scraping out. Her black swimsuit is coated with sand now, but she doesn't seem to mind.

He turns over his shoulder and catches sight of Dashiell jumping through the waves licking the shoreline, already out of his funk. Rick looks back to Kate and gestures behind him. "You got an eye on him?"

"I got him."

He begins making the ditch wider, concentrating on Ella's work so he can help when she needs it, and the castle slowly gets wider, taller, more intricate. Dashiell wanders back with a bucketful of wet sand, lugging it across the stretch of beach with both hands, panting.

"Here, Ella," he says, plopping the bucket down next to her and nudging it with his knee. "You're doing real good."

"Really good," Rick corrects.

"Yeah. That." Dash gets down on his knees and watches her for a second; Ella turns her head to him and they gaze at each other until Dash breaks out into a smile.

All right. So. . .that was his apology and his sister's forgiveness, all in one? Castle watches them with interest. The two kids abandon the walls and start making little lumps in the sand surrounding the moat.

"What're you two making now?"

"Ella's helping me make the bad guys and then we're gonna jump on 'em."

"Ah. All right. You're leaving the rest of this to me and Mommy?"

"Hey, now, I'm not making a castle if you're not helping," Kate says, sitting back on her heels. "I'm covered in sand and it's getting itchy."

"No, Mommy, please! Please? You gotta have a good castle for us to shoot arrows at the bad guys-"

"What about the king and his family? Are you going to make them?" She brushes her wet hands off on her legs, an eyebrow raised at Dash.

"Well, but Daddy is the king."

"You have to make him because Daddy is too big to sit in your castle."

"Oh." Dashiell gives his father a recriminating look and sighs. "Yeah, okay. Me and Ella are gonna make sand daddy and sand mommy and sand me and sand her. . .next. Right Ella?"

Ellery nods solemnly, her whole body covered in wet sand, sand in her ears even. Castle shrugs at Kate.

"We'll finish what we've got and then if you and Ellery want to get in here and make the king's family, you can do that."

"Yeah! Come on, Ella, we gotta make hundreds of bad guys. Hurry, cause they all want to get the king and kill him dead, but the moat is so HUGE and there's no way they can get in. There's - oh, I just thought of it! - there's alligators and monsters in the moat! Daddy can you make-"

Castle groans. "No. You make them."

Dashiell hops into the ditch surrounding their castle and immediately a piece of wall falls in, taking with it another portion of a tower. Dash's face crumples as well, turning to his father with tears springing into his eyes.

"Hey, man. Not-unh. None of that. You saw how we fixed it before. Me and Mommy can fix this too."

Castle pokes him in the chest, leaving a sandy fingerprint. Kate is already sculpting the tower back and nudging Dash's shoulder with hers.

"Sunshine, baby," she murmurs.

Dashiell stops up his tears before they fall, reaching up to rub at his face. Kate grabs his hand before he can get sand in his eyes, shaking her head. Dashiell lets out a shaky sigh.

Ellery pats his back gently, ducks her head to see into her brother's face.

"You can fix it, Daddy?" Dashiell glances morosely to the ocean, as if the up and down of the waves might calm him. It just might.

"I'm fixing it right now. Look, see?" Castle pats the newly repaired wall smooth again. "Easy. Now make your monsters."

Dashiell sighs and begins scraping together sand for his alligators. "You saved my life," he says tiredly.

Kate laughs, sitting back on her heels, bringing her forearm over her mouth.

"I did, huh?" Castle comments, raising his eyebrows at his son.

"Yeah, Daddy." Dashiell looks completely serious as he works at his alligator. "Cause this is the best sand castle ever and - hey! - castle and Castle! Whoa!"

Dashiell glances up at him with wide, impressed eyes, which only makes Kate laugh harder. Ellery is grinning too, as if she only halfway gets the joke, but she's watching her mother, her smile growing ever wider.

Castle gives a chuff of laughter and shakes his head at his son. "Yeah, buddy. Why do you think we built a castle? Why do you think we tell you stories about kings and castles?"

"I just thought you liked soldiers better than ninjas, Daddy."

Castle gives in and laughs as well. "All right. Well, they're knights, not soldiers. But close enough."

"Daddy likes space cowboys," Kate interrupts, leaning in to kiss Dashiell's temple. "And you, my little man, are a riot."

"I'm a riot?"

"You are."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It is to me," Kate says, kissing him again. Ellery is trying to crawl into her lap, all sandy and apparently needy, reaching up sand-covered hands for her mother's neck. Kate hugs her back and kisses a dry spot on her forehead. Rick watches them for a moment, struck with the brilliance of the day and the color in his girls' faces, struck by the way he loves them, the intensity of it.

Dashiell taps his knee and he glances down at his son. The complicated kid that he loves so wholeheartedly. All that's missing is Alexis.

"For Halloween, can I be a space cowboy like you, Daddy?"

"Uh, I thought you wanted to be a T-rex?" That's the costume he packed and brought with him at least.

"Yeah. Can I be both?"

Uhhh. . .

Kate leans in, her arms still wrapped around Ellery, and nudges Dash's shoulder. "Yeah, Dash. You can. We can just switch costumes somewhere in the middle."

Wow, vacation agrees with Kate, all flexible and willing to let things go. Rick has to remember this for later. Dashiell's face splits into a wide grin, and his head swivels back to his father, beaming. "Daddy. You and me can be twins!"

And how can he say no to that? He doesn't have a single bit of that costume with him down here, but they can make it up, no problem.

"Yeah, buddy, we can."

"And space cowboys have guns! Like Mommy!" Dash leaps up, then startles as he remembers the castle, tries to tiptoe out of the moat without crushing anything. He bounces up the other side and leans in over Ellery.

"What about you, Ella? You wanna be something else too? Mommy says two things!"

Ellery wraps her arms around Kate's neck and pushes her face against Kate's cheek in a sloppy kiss. "Mommy."

"Yeah, baby girl?"

Dash giggles like a crazy man, flopping back in the sand. "No, no," he gasps. "She wants to be Mommy. For Halloween. She wants to be you!" And then he laughs some more, like that's the nuttiest thing he's ever heard.

Castle's mouth drops and he looks at Kate. She's clearly stunned. "You do? You want to be me for Halloween?"

Ellery nods and holds up two fingers.

Castle grins. "You want to be both Mommy *and* Queen Amidala?"

Ella grins back, her whole face lighting up. She nods and presses her two fingers into Kate's cheek as if giving her a kiss.

Kate bites her lower lip. "Okay. Well, looks like tomorrow will be a shopping day."

* * *

><p>Castle takes both kids out to the water to jump waves while Kate gets a chance to read in the afternoon sunlight. She reapplies sunblock to her arms and chest, her book on her knee, and glances out past the shore, catching sight of the three of them bobbing in the ocean.<p>

She pulls out her phone and takes a few pictures, their lone figures lit golden in the western light, the vast expanse of water and sky laying down at the horizon. At that moment, Rick takes Dash's hand, Ella in his arms, and turns them back to the shore, bringing them in, and Kate takes four or five more pictures, her throat suddenly dry, closing up.

Absolutely gorgeous. As soon as Alexis gets here, they're taking a family picture. All five of them on the beach in this amazing light. Castle is going to whine about it, and probably Dashiell too, but Kate is going to make them. She needs a photo of all of them, something to keep, to help her remember.

Castle drops Ellery in the sand and the girl jumps over the littler waves coming in, Dashiell earnestly talking to his father about something Kate can't hear. Castle nods and squats down, starts scraping sand together, and she hears 'alligators' come over to her on the breeze.

Dashiell waits patiently until his father stands back, and then takes a running leap onto the sand alligator, planting both feet firmly and sticking his landing. He shrieks his triumph and Ellery runs over to them, now tugging on Castle's hand for more.

Kate grins and watches them awhile, Castle getting pulled back and forth between the two kids, making them little creatures that they can destroy. Ellery seems right on the verge of talking a time or two, but Castle is too attentive for the little girl to need to speak up.

Kate can tell when the kids are getting too tired, worn out; they keep fighting over who gets to stomp on the next sand monster that Castle has made. Dashiell uses words to vent his irritation and impatience while Ellery just shoves. Hard. Especially for a little thing, she has a pretty vicious glare and a downright powerful push. She sends Dashiell sprawling.

Castle once again jerks them apart before real damage can be done, and Kate interrupts with snacks, standing up on and heading down towards them.

"All right, come sit down and chill out, you two." She drags Dashiell back to the beach towels with a hand wrapped around the back of his neck, nods to Ellery while giving Castle a look. He catches the hint and carries her over.

"What did you bring?" Dashiell whines, too tired to keep it out of his voice.

"I need to hear some respect," Castle says, thumping Dash's ear.

Kate sighs and divvies up the animal crackers, reaches back into the bag for their waters. "I know you guys are tired-"

"Not tired!" Ellery bursts out, standing up on the beach towel, here eyes wide and insistent.

Castle cracks up, falling over onto the towel at Kate's hip, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. Kate grins at Ella and lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, pressing her back down.

"Okay, baby girl. I believe you." She believes the girls thinks she's not tired. But she is.

"I wanted cheez-its," Dash complains.

"Eat what you got." Castle props himself up on one elbow, his hand brushing Kate's bare thigh. She quirks a smile at him, strokes the hair out of her husband's forehead.

"Hey there, Daddy," she murmurs and leans over to drop a kiss to his temple.

He growls back, low in his throat, almost inaudible if not for the way it vibrates in her chest. She smiles against his skin, kisses him again, and pulls away. She grabs a cereal bar out of the bag and hands it to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah, thanks. I'm starving. I know dinner's not for like, two more hours, but maybe-?"

"Who says it has to be in two more hours?" Kate asks, unwrapping her own cereal bar. "Let's eat now. I'm starving."

"Kids, want to go get dinner?" Castle says, making an excited face in their direction, trying to get them onboard.

"But alligators," Ellery says, her eyebrows knitting together, mouth working on an animal cracker.

Wow. Two sentences in a row. What in the world is this? Kate leans over and brushes sand off of Ella's hands, her heart pounding. "We can make alligators tomorrow."

"I'll make you a ton of alligators. But Daddy's too tired to make any more tonight," Castle says, nudging Ella with his toes. She giggles and draws away from him, wrinkling her nose.

Dashiell sighs. "No more gators. Oh! I know! Daddy, you could make mini t-rexes instead!"

"Daddy's too tired to make any more animals at all, Dash," Kate says. "How about we rest a little while, sit in the sun to dry off, and then go up and make dinner?"

"Not Mercantile, right?" Dashiell says with a grimace.

"Nope. Pizza in the condo."

"Yes, pizza!" Ellery yells, jumping up with both hands raised. Her sunglasses slip off her nose and she giggles, pushing them back up.

Kate's heart pounds so hard she can't breathe. She feels Castle's hand on her thigh, squeezing a reminder, and Kate tamps down on her overwhelming relief, (three in the space of five minutes) and instead only grins at her daughter. She wants to grab her up and hug her hard, make a huge deal out of it, but that would probably only ensure she doesn't hear her voice again for awhile.

"Yup, pizza, little munchkin."

Ellery wears a wide and beaming smile, still standing, and reaches out both hands to her mother's shoulders, leaning forward to get very close, sunglasses almost too big for her small face.

"I'm not a munchkin, Mommy, I'm a' Ella."


	28. Chapter 28

Kate twists the water on in the kids' bathroom, leaves the shower curtain pulled back but angles the nozzle towards the tile wall. Ella is jumping over the scattered beach towels, dusting everything with the sand that falls from her skin, her hair, her swimsuit. Dashiell is howling in the hallway after his little breakdown on the way up.

Castle comes in with Dash tucked under one arm, the kid's face bright red. Ella claps her hands over her ears as her brother's howling echoes in the bathroom; her face screws up into a nasty look.

The kid hates the shower, but this is the fastest way to get all the sand off him. "I'll count till 3, Dash. And then you're going in. Quietly. One."

Castle pins his arms as Dash tries to flail; Kate ducks to grab Ellery out of the way of his kicking feet.

"Two."

His howls turn into screeches, but the moment Kate opens her mouth for 'three', Dashiell is fuming silently and being dumped under the shower spray by his father. One time Kate got to three because Dashiell hadn't heard her and he fell apart, absolutely flipped out that he hadn't made it in time. So ever since then, she's given him extra long between numbers. Little crazy man.

Castle gets in with Dash, still in his own swimsuit, and Kate hands over the shower gel and shampoo. She turns to get Ellery and the little girl has already started tugging off her swimsuit.

"No, baby. Leave it on. We're gonna get all the sand out of our suits first." Kate guides her to the shower; Ella lifts her arms and Castle leans over to pick her up and drop her in. For a second, Kate debates leaving them all to it, getting her own shower in the privacy of their master bath, but both kids and Castle are looking at her expectantly, and really. . .

Really, this could be fun. She grins and steps inside carefully, trying not to slip, feeling sand gritty under her toes already. Ellery throws her wet arms around Kate's knees and jumps up and down, nearly knocking her off balance.

"Whoa, not in the shower. You'll fall and crack your head open," Castle says, leaning over to grab Ella by the shoulder.

Kate sits down on the edge of the tub and places Ellery between her knees, scraping the girl's hair out of her face as the spray hits the girl's neck and back. Castle follows Kate's lead and sits close beside her, taking up all the rest of the ledge, and pulls Dashiell in front of him.

They work on rinsing as much of the sand out of the kids' suits first, then peel the wet suits off; Castle throws them into the sink from his sitting position, high-fives Dashiell when he scores. Ellery, somehow, has morphed into the bouncing kid, unable to keep still, slipping out of Kate's grip to play in the water or to dance around like a silly thing. Of course, she's the one who loves to shower, while Dashiell cringes at the touch of every needle of water.

Kate and Castle pass shampoo and soap back and forth, bumping elbows, hanging on to the kids, tangling legs. They reach around each other when the other's hands are full, grab a bottle from the ledge or the washcloth from where it's draped over a thigh. Kate has to scrub Ellery down to get the last of the ocean life from her skin, pieces of seaweed, pulpy brown things, sand, flakes of fine shell, more sand. Then she dumps water over her daughter's hair, again and again, to get the sand that's trapped at her scalp. Those bright blue eyes blink through water, grinning up at Kate.

While Dashiell definitely starts out less sandy than his sister, his aversion to the showerhead makes Castle's job harder. Dash attempts a foolish escape between his parents when Castle has his hands soaped up, but Kate and Castle close ranks, squeezing the kid until he drops back into the bathtub. Ellery giggles and tries to paint the walls with soap suds, writing letters with her finger.

When both kids are nominally clean, Castle stands up and lifts them out of the tub, one at a time, while Kate leans forward to shut the water off. Dashiell streaks off, naked, before Castle can wrap the towel around him. Ellery shrieks and follows after him, calling his name loudly.

Loudly. Who is this kid?

Kate laughs, realizing her laughter is half relief, reaches out to grip Castle by the elbow, staying him. "What is up with her? I've never heard her say so much."

"I don't know. She's getting a lot of sleep? Oh, I also told her that Alexis was skyping them tonight after dinner."

"Ohh," Kate breathes. "I hope it's that easy. Excitement? That would be a blessing."

He leans in and kisses her on the mouth, nipping at her lip before pulling away. She licks the mark, smiling at him from under her lashes. He groans and reaches for her neck with a hand, pulls her against him, tight and close.

"I'm trying to be good, Kate. You can't look at me like that."

"But it's so much fun to tease-"

She gets a mouthful of his tongue for that, making a noise in her throat as he works at her, swift and sure and hungry. Her knees lock to keep from falling; she wraps an arm around his neck, feels like climbing up his bare chest, hook her legs around his waist. They're both still in swimsuits - how easy would it be to just-?

A shriek has her jumping away even as Dashiell chases his sister back into the bathroom, brandishing a fork like a weapon. Castle reaches over and yanks it out of his hand, grabs him by the shoulder.

"I told you no, Dashiell." His voice is low and threatening even as Ellery hides behind his legs. "No knives, no forks. No weapons aimed at your sister."

Dash's face is twisted. "Tell her to leave. Me. ALONE!"

"Time out," Kate says, pointing to the front door. "On the mat. Five minutes for not respecting Daddy."

"But I'm NOT FIVE YET!"

"Dashiell Alexander-"

"I'm going!" he roars, but his voice breaks at the end, tremulous tears coursing down his cheeks. "Don't say all my names, not all my names. I'm *going,* Mommy-"

She watches him stomp to the front door and plop down, his face to the wall, his shoulders shaking. But he stays quiet because he knows better than to weep and moan in time out.

Ellery giggles and Castle rounds on her. "Leave your brother alone. We don't laugh when people make mistakes. We try to help them be better."

Ella stands rooted to the spot, stubbornness etched into every line of her face. Her jaw sets and she flashes a quick look at Kate, as if to see if her mother will negate the pronouncement.

"Daddy's right. Let's get pajamas on and then you can stay in your room and play quietly until dinner. By yourself."

Ella's nostrils flare and she marches to her room, almost stomping but not quite. Castle sighs. "She provoked him. I've seen her do it before. She thinks it's funny when he flies off the handle."

"I've seen her do it too. You don't have to justify it to me," Kate says, slipping her arm through his. "Plus these kids are seriously worn out. I think it's dinner and then we'll let everyone in the big bed to skype with Alexis on the iPad. Maybe they'll fall asleep."

He gives her a chagrinned look, leans over to kiss her temple, fingers brushing her hips. "You are a smart woman. Now go get a shower yourself and put on some clothes; I'll dress Ella. You're just too sexy for me like this." He runs his hands down her sides, too purposeful to be anything other than erotic.

She laughs, but she catches the dark look in his eyes and stops laughing, only grins instead. "You'll let Dash up?"

"If I remember," he says casually, wriggling his eyebrows as he heads for Ellery's room.

"Be good, Daddy."

He sighs. "No fun, Mommy."

* * *

><p>After everyone's had pizza and been cleaned up, after Dashiell apologizes for threatening Ellery and Ellery apologizes for goading Dash, after warm little bodies are tucked in beside them in the master bed, Kate texts Alexis from her phone to find out if she's around.<p>

She texts back while Castle loads Skype; they connect within seconds. After a moment, both Dash and Ella are crawling into Castle's lap and crowding the screen, bouncing and yelling at Alexis. Their older sister is laughing, and apparently using her phone to skype because the view keeps changing, her apartment bedroom, the kitchen, a window, the hallway, the living room.

"Dashiell! Ellery! Hey, Dad! Where's Mom?"

Castle adjusts the ipad and Kate leans against his shoulder, smiling at Alexis. "Hey, Allie."

Alexis groans and rolls her eyes at Kate, but Ellery and Dashiell both giggle at the nickname. "Isis, when you gonna be here?" Dash says, putting both hands on the screen as if to touch her.

Castle wraps an arm around his waist, pulls him away from the screen. Ella wriggles into a space next to her brother, tilting her head in askance - her way of repeating the question.

"Wednesday. I've got a flight down in the morning."

"Need us to come get you?" Kate asks. Now that her head is resting against Castle's shoulder, it seems impossible to move it.

"I'm renting a car. I figure it might be good for there to be two cars among the three adults."

"Good idea," Castle says. "What time can we expect you?"

"Uh, nine or so. Flight is way early. But I didn't want to miss another day. Hey, Dash - have you gotten to jump in the waves, little brother?"

"Yes. They are HUGE. And then they get smaller, and they fake me out and I get smacked in the face! It's so cool."

Alexis is laughing hard; Kate can hear one of her room mate's giggling too. The other girl comes into view and waves, hugging Alexis, dark cheek to pale cheek.

"Hey there, Alisha," Castle says. "You guys having a good semester?"

"The best, of course," Alisha grins and releases Alexis. "Hey little Ellery - you have gotten so big, girlfriend! Look at you!"

Ella sits up straighter and shoots a pleased look over her shoulder at Kate, as if proud to be remembered. Kate grins down at her, smooths a hand over her dark hair.

"And Dashy-" Alisha grins at him. "Dashy, your birthday is soooo soon, isn't it? I got you something. Allie's gonna bring it with her."

Alexis makes a face and shoves at Alisha. "Stop calling me that. Mom, this is your fault," she accuses, turning back to the screen and catching Kate's eyes, pointing her finger. "No one will shut up with that."

"It's fate, pumpkin," Castle grins. "It's better than Tex-Lex. Remember when Lofton kept calling you that and then Dash couldn't stop either?"

"Oh, jeez, Dad-"

"Tex-Lex!" Alisha crows, pumping her fist. "Oh my gosh, NEW ONE!"

"Tex-Lex, Tex-Lex!" Dashiell chants, bouncing in Castle's lap.

Alexis shoots daggers at her father. "Thanks. This is sooo much better."

"Allie's not so bad now, is it?" Kate laughs. Ellery is glancing back and forth from the screen where Alexis and Alisha are to the faces of her parents, then to the giggling Dash, trying to follow. She reaches up and presses a hand to Castle's cheek.

"What so funny?"

This sends Alisha into peels of laughter. "Ella-babe, you are too cute. Okay, I gotta run guys. Ya'll have fun on vacation. Allie, see you later?"

"I'll meet you after this," Alexis says, the two embracing before Alisha leaves.

"Where she go?" Ella says, reaching out to put her finger on the screen.

Alexis meets Kate's eyes, gives a little laugh. "Well, hey there, baby girl. You talking a lot today?"

Ella draws her finger down the screen; Castle huffs and closes his hand over hers, tugging her back against his chest. Kate smiles to herself; he absolutely hates getting the ipad smeared with little fingers.

"Alisha is headed to a friend's. I'm gonna meet them later. Ellery, did you get to play in the sand and build castles with daddy? That's what he and I used to do on the beach."

Ella nods, her lips spreading into a grin. Dashiell jumps in. "We made alligators in the moat too! And then daddy made us sand bad guys and we shot arrows at 'em and then we crunched 'em and Ella stomped, and I stomped, and then Daddy took us to stomp on the waves too."

"Whoa. Sounds awesome. Weren't the waves too big to stomp?"

"Daddy dragged us up and helped us."

Kate glances to Castle with an eyebrow, her chin against his shoulder. He shrugs, and Alexis laughs; Kate glances at her and sees she's watching them, looking smug.

"Daddy's good at helping. What else have you guys done?"

Dashiell launches into a long, exaggerated rendition of his terrible dinner at the Mercantile and how his father took him over to the market and let him pick out new dinner. Kate wriggles closer to Castle, sliding her hand around his waist, dipping under the waistband on his pajama pants, warming up her cold fingers.

He lets go of one side of the ipad, wraps his arm around her shoulders, tugs her in closer to kiss her forehead. "Love you," he whispers, trying not to interrupt Dashiell's imitation of a shark he swears he saw in the ocean. But don't worry, he stomped it too.

Kate lifts her mouth to his ear, brushes a mild kiss across his jaw. "Love you back."

"Ew, guys, have they been like that for your whole trip?" Alexis laughs, wrinkling her nose. Castle sticks out his tongue at her and Alexis laughs harder, making Dash turn around to check out what his father is doing.

Castle wears an innocent expression. "Turn around. You'll miss your big sister."

"Huh?" Dashiell squints one eye, totally unconvinced that something didn't just happen over his head. Ellery is wearing a knowing look; she leans in and touches Dash's chest to get his attention.

Dashiell looks at her, then Alexis, then back to his littlest sister. Ella sticks out her tongue and touches it, then points at Castle.

"Ohh, Ellery told on you!" Alexis chortles. "Or signed it at least."

Dashiell turns around with a huff. "Daddy, you sticked your tongue out!"

"Stuck."

"Stuck," Ellery agrees, then turns in Castle's lap and holds her arms out for her mother. Kate takes her, cuddling her against her chest, kissing her hair, smelling of sun and soap.

"You told on Daddy, baby girl," she whispers with a grin. "Can't let him get away with that, right?"

Ella curls her little fingers in Kate's hair and rests her cheek against her mother's shoulder. She doesn't say anything else, and her eyes are drooping.

"Someone's tired," Castle murmurs.

Dashiell and Alexis are making silly faces at each other on the screen, cross-eyed and tongues out, wriggling fingers, sound effects on Dash's side of things.

"Hey kiddo, you and Allie wanna talk while me and Mommy put your sister to bed?"

"Which sister?" Dashiell cracks up, laughing deliriously at his own joke.

Kate rolls her eyes - what a Castle - and Alexis, through the video, is doing the same, laughing.

"Wow, you have no idea how much I miss you guys," she says.

Kate's heart drops to hear the wistfulness in Alexis's voice. "We miss you too, Alexis."

"Do I get a good-night from you, Ellie-bean?"

Ella lifts her head from Kate's shoulder and blows Alexis a kiss, then another and another. Alexis laughs and pretends to catch them, then blows kisses back.

"Love you, little sister." On the screen, a chat window pops up to display the heart icon. Kate points it out to Ellery, kissing her cheek.

Ellery sighs and snuggles down into Kate, her smile soft and sleepy. Castle has already grabbed a pillow to prop up the ipad, admonishing Dashiell not to touch it - on pain of death - and he moves around the bed to help Kate up.

She reaches out a hand for him; Castle slides her to the edge of the bed by the ankles, making her laugh, then helps her stand with Ella snuggled in her arms.

On the bed, Dashiell is chatting to Alexis about his new swimming trunks and how they attract sharks with their special meat smells. Alexis is laughing and asking why they don't reek of meat all the time.

As Kate follows Castle out of the door, she hears Dashiell say, "Because I have to turn them on, silly. But it's okay. When I'm in the water, I got a sonic shovel like Dr. Who and none of those sharks can get me. I sonic 'em and they flip over and go - ug, ug, ug - and sink down to the bottom of the ocean where they can't get us no more."

Kate laughs to herself and rubs her hand up and down Ella's back, her chin to the top of the little girl's head.

Castle turns with a question in his eyes.

"Oh, just your son, making up stories."

"Yeah, he lacks grammar, but he more than makes up for it with his excellent use of rising action."

Kate bumps into his back with her body, Ellery between them and nearly asleep. "Of course, that would be what you care about."

"Oh, you're worried about the untruthfulness of the stories? Yeah, well, it's not that bad."

"Other than the fact that he's lying."

"He's not lying. Not exactly. He's story-telling. It's. . .there's a difference. He doesn't lie about other things."

"Except when he's in trouble."

Castle sighs. "Well. Yeah. Can you blame him?"

"Castle."

"Don't get me wrong; he gets time-out for that. But the story-telling is a natural thing. I don't think he even knows-"

"Yeah, see, Castle, that's what worries me. He doesn't even know he's telling these huge whoppers."

"I just. . .I don't think it's a big deal. But we'll talk later, okay?"

Which means, he's hoping to appease her, and he'll never bring it up again. Kate sighs but follows him into Ellery's dark room, letting it go for now.

She waits while Castle pulls down the sheets and finds all of Ella's little loveys - the blanket, Totoro, the tshirt of Kate's from a 5K that Ellery doesn't seem to want to give back. Kate leans over and places her in bed, drawing the covers up to her chin as Ellery hums and turns onto her stomach, arm snuggling around Toto.

"Good night, sweet baby girl." Kate kisses her cheek, but Ella throws her arm around Kate's neck and hangs on. Kate buries her nose in Ella's neck, blowing a soft raspberry until the girl giggles. "Night-night, baby. We're going shopping tomorrow morning."

"Shoes," she whispers in the dark.

Behind her, Kate hears Castle chuckle as he bends over her, kisses Ellery's forehead, presses his palm into her chest and jiggles her into the mattress. Ella giggles again, letting go of Kate's neck to wrap her hands around her father's forearm.

Castle jiggles her until her eyes fly open, her giggles making her breathless. "Be good. We might be persuaded to get you some new shoes."

"Rick," Kate sighs, twisting his ear to get him away, trusting that the darkness hides enough so that Ellery doesn't copy her later. Though she might. Stupid move, Kate.

Castle turns his head and nips at her arm, rubs his lips over her skin when she lets go, then wraps an arm around her neck like Ellery did.

"Sleep, Ellery Kate. See you in the morning." He pushes on Kate to get her moving, but she detaches from him and leans back over Ellery, unable to help herself.

"I love you, Ellery. All the time-"

"All the ways," Ellery whispers back, her nose brushing Kate's, hands up to touch her mother's cheeks.

"That's right baby. Always."


	29. Chapter 29

While Kate slips into the master bathroom to wash her face and get ready for bed, Castle hangs out in the doorway to their room, watching Dashiell video chat with Alexis. His son is lying on his stomach, hands propping up his head, his feet swinging in the air. Castle can't see Alexis from here, but he can see the animation on Dash's face, and the way he listens to his older sister intently before talking back.

He misses his daughter, and at these times, he misses her fiercely. But she's doing what she loves with Youth Villages, getting her Ph.D. in clinical social work in Chicago, and living with a group of really great girls in a house they rent near campus.

When Ashley and Alexis broke up for good about three years ago, Castle was on a book tour on the West Coast. Kate was six months pregnant with Ellery, but she took the first flight to Chicago and stayed with Alexis all weekend. Dashiell got to spend time with Papa - Castle got daily skypes in which Dash oohed and awed over the fish he caught or the tree fort he and Papa were building.

Castle still has no idea what Alexis and Kate did all weekend, except eat a lot of ice cream (and Alexis had raw cookie dough, she told him once, which Kate couldn't eat and whined about. Kate whining about anything? Impossible. Still, he believes his daughter wasn't exaggerating.) At first, Castle spent every free moment texting or calling Kate for updates, wishing he could drop everything and go to his daughter. But by Saturday afternoon, he knew that Alexis was being loved on by his wife, and doing a better job of it than Castle could.

There was Kate, six months pregnant with their *second* child, and it just then occurred to him that she was a good mother. A great mother. Of course, it wasn't like he ever doubted that, but there was always the faint sense that anyone was better than his own mother, despite how much he loved Martha Rogers, and that having two parents was always superior to having one flighty parent.

That was the first time Castle had seen Alexis and Kate together and realized that it was better for Alexis to have only Kate that weekend, her stepmother and friend and *mother* all rolled into one, rather than have him. Or both of them. That there were things only a mother like Kate would be able to give Alexis. Not just any mother, but a mother like Kate. With her ability to cut through the nonsense and state things clearly, her ability to comfort without pity, and her experience with difficult relationships.

This mysterious girls' weekend was also the time when the nickname Allie started getting used more frequently by Kate as a way to tease Alexis. And then when Ellery came along and couldn't pronounce Alexis either (like Dash in the beginning), Ella picked up on Allie and it's stuck.

Dashiell, in a fit of stubbornness and probably attention-seeking as well, will cling to calling his older sister Issis or Isis, depending on his mood. But even Dash will call her Allie now. Her boyfriend Mike calls her Allie as well, and often Allie Cat, which Castle really hates, but Alexis blushes like a little girl over it. Ug. Mike. He's not a fan. Well, okay, not true. Castle does kinda like the guy despite his natural tendency to see Alexis as the same age as Ellery these days.

It's just that. . .Mike is 28 and Alexis is only just 24, and seriously, *Kate* was only 29 when Castle met her and the thought that Mike was the same age (or nearly) as Kate was when they met and he wanted to-

Yeah, no. No. Don't think about it. (Oh, jeez, that means Kate is 36, will be 37 next month. When did that happen?)

Which means Alexis is an adult. A grown-up woman who works with troubled teenagers and at-risk kids in Chicago, in some of the dirtiest, poorest, dangerous neighborhoods. Kate gave her basic self-defense training when she first started her social work volunteer jobs, then had Alexis attend a year's worth of judo classes before Kate was okay with letting Alexis out there. Honestly, Kate was more freaked out about Alexis's safety than Castle himself.

Could be because Alexis's first volunteer job was in Washington Heights, and everyone knows how Kate feels about that area of the city.

On the bed, Dashiell swings his feet down and gets up on his knees, showing Alexis something to do with his pajama pants, which are orange with black spider webs all over them. He must be talking about Halloween.

Kate comes out of the bathroom and stops by the bed, leaning over with her hands balanced against the mattress to kiss Dash's head and say something to Alexis. Castle can't hear what from this distance, but Kate straightens up and comes to him at the doorway.

"Hey stud, why you over here alone?"

"Just watching Dash flirt with his first crush."

"Ew. His sister."

"My bad, his second crush. You were the first woman he fell in love with."

She rolls her eyes at him and takes him by the hips, pushes him backward out into the living room. "I thought you were going for a run."

"I was. Am. I am. Got distracted by the cute if annoying kid in our bed."

"Go change, Castle. I'm gonna read." She does her cute little happy dance, the one where she wriggles her shoulders and her smile gets all cocky and clever. He has to kiss her mouth for that, tasting her toothpaste and the texture of her tongue before letting her go.

"What are you reading?" he asks, searching for his running shoes. They're somewhere in the living room; he remembers taking them off in here.

"City of Thieves. Almost done."

"Would I like it?"

"Absolutely. It's hilarious and terribly sad. It's like a Catch-22 for World War II. If that makes sense."

"Sure. It's Russian?"

"Author's American, but it's set in St. Petersburg during the Siege of Leningrad. Did you know the German blockade on that city was 871 days? I can't even imagine." She finds one of his shoes under the couch and holds it up.

He takes it from her, sexy-smart and make-up free, ready for bed, excited about a book. "Damn, I love you. Seriously? Historical fiction *and* you just called that Russian city by it's currently correct name. Even though it was Leningrad at the time, and technically, if you're talking about a book, you can go ahead and call it Leningrad since-"

"Shut up, smarty pants," she glares, but leans over to tug him into her for a brutal, sharp kiss. Her teeth are wicked against tongue, so he reaches down to her waist, slips his fingers under her shirt and trails lightly up her sides.

She gasps and draws back; he can see the struggle on her face not to show her reaction. He's found that exact spot only recently, and he doesn't hit it every time. It's like one little patch of skin at her side is extremely sensitive. Not ticklish, but close, and wow, he's made her shout in bed before.

Kate shoves on his chest to get him moving and he stumbles over his missing shoe. "There it is."

"Goofball. Go run. Stop giving me backhanded compliments." She picks up her book from the coffee table, opens it up, then tilts it over to let sand run out of the spine. He laughs and sticks his hand out to catch some.

"Better not be a library book."

She sighs. "I wish it were. It's my own copy. I'm gonna have to give it to you and buy myself a fresh one."

"Yeah, but you've marked it up. I hate that."

Kate settles down into the couch, propping her head up on the arm, crossing her ankles. She thumbs through the beginning chapters, no doubt admiring her yellow-colored-pencil handiwork. She's immediately absorbed in the book.

"I'll take that as my cue." He heads for the bedroom to get his ipod and earbuds, and to change out of his pajama pants and into some running shorts.

Dashiell is still talking to Alexis. Castle leans over and waves, interrupting his son's story for a quick good-bye. Alexis blows him a kiss and Castle presses his fingertips to the screen (or well, almost. He *hates* getting smudges on the screen.)

"Hey, buddy, when Mommy comes in to get you, it's time for bed. Okay?"

"How many minutes?"

He glances at the clock display, meets Alexis's eyes. She nods as if to say she's fine with whatever.

"Thirty more minutes. When it says 8 and 1 and 5 up here. That's 8:15, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

Castle ruffles his dark hair and moves to the dresser to look for the running shorts. Kate hates living out of suitcases, so of course Castle unpacked everything for her, but now he can't remember where he threw stuff.

Top drawer was the right guess, so he pulls out a black pair and quickly changes clothes out of sight of the video chat. Dashiell doesn't even seem to notice. Castle rifles through the bedside drawer until he digs out his ipod and earbuds, then comes back into the living room.

"Kate, can't find my running armband-"

"Mine's on the kitchen counter."

"Thanks." He heads to the kitchen, snags hers off the counter and turns it on. He checks her workout playlists but she's got a lot of hard rock songs that he doesn't really love running to. He needs some hip-hop. Castle slides hers out of the case and puts in his own, attaches the earbuds, then straps it on.

"Hey," she calls from the couch. He turns, popping an earbud out. "How far are you going to run?"

"I'm shooting for eight miles, make up for yesterday."

She nods and checks the time. "That should take you. . .just over an hour?"

"Hour twenty. Hour thirty if I can't get into my pace."

Kate gets up from the couch and meets him at the kitchen counter, lifts up on her tiptoes to kiss his mouth, gentle and tender. "Be safe. Don't run on the road."

"Kate."

"At least promise me you'll get *off* the road when a car comes?"

"I can do that."

She sighs at him and pats his chest, moving away again. Castle slips on his shoes, sets up the music, then remembers the bedtime ultimatum. "I told Dash 8:15."

"That was my thinking too," she says, yawning a little as she lays back against the couch.

He blows her a kiss and heads out the door.

* * *

><p>The run clears his head, resets his body. It also reminds him that he needs to talk to Kate. The sweat drips from his chin, slicks on his neck, runs down his back. He can smell the heavy scent of his deodorant working overtime, and the musk of an hour in the fading twilight, the warm sand of the island under his shoes.<p>

There were more cars on the road than he expected and so he turned around at mile two, ran back to the condominiums, and spent the rest of his time running the length of the beach. It's closer to 9:15 than he meant to be, but hopefully Kate got so engrossed in her book that she didn't notice.

That seems to be the case when he slips through the front door, dropping the keycard on the entry table and pulling the ipod out of the armband. He wraps the earbuds around the little black thing, drops it next to the keycard, and heads further into the condo.

He puts the running band on the kitchen counter, but he doesn't see her ipod lying around. Castle pulls the bottom of his tshirt up and wipes sweat from his face, the back of his neck. He does a few squats to work the lactic acid out of his quads, bends over to stretch his hamstrings.

When he gets to the living room, Kate's in the same position he left her in, her face a mask of intense absorption, the book resting on her sternum as she reads, her long legs spread out before her.

Castle hauls himself over the back of the couch and drops down on her, knees on either side of her hips, hands bracing on the arm of the couch at either side of her startled face. He manages to block the leg that comes up in self-defense, grinning down at her.

She huffs a laugh and slides her foot back down the couch; he shifts back and settles over her, his chin at her waistband, legs dangling off the end of the couch. Castle slides his hands up under her shirt, baring her stomach, tips his head forehead to press a soft, sweaty kiss to her skin.

She ripples under his mouth; he smooths his thumbs along her ribs, pushing her shirt out of his way, dragging his lower lip in steady climb up. He uses his teeth at her bra, tugging at the material, feeling her hips arch against his chest.

He hears the book drop to the floor, feels her hands graze his scalp and then curl around his skull. Instead of staying there, he can feel her flinch and wipe her hands on the back of his tshirt.

Which isn't any cleaner.

"Gross, you're soaked in sweat," she complains, but she's too breathless for him to take that seriously.

He spreads his fingers over her abdomen, sucks on the skin at her belly button, rewarded with her hips rising up, twice, under him.

She's hitting her pelvis right against his sternum, her thighs parted, her knees under his arms. He licks at the ridge of taut abs at her waistband, slides up to brush his lips on the delicate skin below the cup of her bra. Her hands fist in his tshirt; it tells him it's time to stop.

He pulls back, resting his chin on her pelvis, turning his head quickly to rub his cheek against her skin, a reminder, before nipping at her belly button and using his elbow to lift up off of her.

Her head's thrown back, her chin and throat jutting up. She gulps in air and lowers her head, staring down at him as if thoroughly shocked. Good, he caught her by surprise.

"Don't stop." Her voice breaks, her hands tug at his shoulders.

"I want you to tell me something first," he says.

"That's blackmail," she counters, but her voice lacks any strength, her knees trembling against his sides.

"Katie."

She growls at him and lifts her head. "Don't call me that when I'm in the middle of wanting you."

He did it on purpose.

"My *dad* calls me that," she mutters.

Exactly.

She lifts a hand to her eyes; he slides his palm up to feel her heart racing against her ribs. When her pulse stutters and drops back down into the normal range, Castle leans in and brushes a gentle, light kiss against her lips.

"What's your question?" she murmurs into his mouth, sighing.

"What are you so worked up about, Kate?"

"Don't know what you-"

"Love," he murmurs, nuzzling her cheek, bringing his hands up to cradle her neck, not looking in her eyes. "We spent all day yesterday breaking a land speed record. And yet you *still* want it all the time. Which is flattering, yes. But you always wanna have crazy-hot sex when you're stressed, sweetheart."

"I hate it when you call me those names," she mutters, but her mouth doesn't move away from the slow dance of his lips across hers.

"I call you those names because your irritation gives you clarity."

"Jeez, you're so high-handed. What the hell, Castle-"

But her arms are wrapped around his shoulders and her hands don't push him away and her voice sounds weak and aroused. He's so very close.

"What are you stressed about?"

He knows it's not stress. Stress requires a bubble bath and a good book, stress gets a heavy workout, a couple hours rocking Ellery while she sleeps, the whole family wrestling in the living room floor, a phone call to Lanie that has to be censored from the kids. Stress isn't her telling him not to run on the road like he's five. Stress isn't going at it like her world will end if she can't touch him.

But stress is a nice way of putting it.

Her mouth moves finally, her lips against his neck. "Not right now, Castle. I can't. I don't want it here with me."

"I know you don't. I know. But it's creeping in anyway. Tell me and then we-"

"You know I don't work like that," she sighs. "Just let me, let me - just love me. And it'll work itself out."

"I *do* love you, Kate."

She tilts her head into his, sighs into his mouth, along his nose. "Then don't stop," she moans, lifting her hips into his.

This wasn't how he meant this to go. But he can't refuse her.


	30. Chapter 30

Kate wakes suddenly, heart pounding, but the dream is gone. Not even a whisper of it in her head. Thankfully.

She's damp with sweat though.

She turns her head to see Castle asleep on his stomach at the far end of the bed, nearly a whole body's worth of space between them. She loves these California king sized beds. She shifts her arm out from under the pillow, reaches across the sheets.

She brushes his elbow, pulls back so she can get out of bed.

She goes to the bathroom, washes her hands, splashes water on her face. She takes a long breath out and looks at her face in the mirror. The sun has colored her cheeks, her forehead, her neck so that whatever nightmare woke her, it hasn't left its mark.

Kate slips on a tshirt and pajama pants, shivering in the air conditioning. She walks quietly through the bedroom and out into living room, shutting the door behind her carefully. Moonshine spills in the sliding glass doors, but she heads down the hallway to the kids' rooms.

She starts with Ellery first. Has to. She can't remember the dream, but the jangling nerves and sweat still slicking her skin is memory enough. Inside the absolute darkness of her daughter's room, it takes a long moment for her eyes to adjust.

Then she can see. Ellery sacked out in bed, covers knocked off her body, little arm flung off the side. Kate gets to her knees beside her, leans in on the mattress to kiss her daughter's cheek, smell her night-time scent. Ellery could sleep through a hurricane. Kate draws the girl's arm back into bed, untangles the sheet from her legs, pulls the covers back up.

She strokes the side of Ella's face, brushes her sweaty neck, runs her fingers through the girl's dark hair. She kisses her again, lets her lips linger against the soft, soap-scented skin, closing her eyes.

Just a moment longer. One more. Sigh.

She pulls away. Her daughter is fine; beautiful and tiny and stubborn and often mute, but fine. No darkness has touched her.

Kate gets to her feet and heads through the connecting bathroom to Dashiell's room. The nightlight in the bathroom is on, a blue glow that haunts the shower curtain, echoes on the tile. Dash is curled tight in bed, all the covers piled on top of him, his weighted blanket thrown off on the floor, his face half-buried in the pillow.

She leans over him, pausing until she sees his chest moving, then lightly brushes her lips against his hair. She pulls back, standing beside his bed, waiting to be sure he won't wake.

His fingers twitch, but he doesn't open his eyes. Kate moves the remote control from the floor to his bedside table, angles the clock away from him so that the light from the numbers won't wake him up, then grabs the weighted blanket and lays it on top of the comforter.

Dash's mouth drifts open; he lets out a ragged sigh. Kate breathes softly, waits again, but he doesn't stir.

She leaves through the bathroom, unwilling to open his door and accidentally wake him. She takes another long look at her daughter, sleeping with abandon, then opens the bedroom door and goes back out into the hallway.

She remembers finding Dashiell in the baby's room last year, his face pressed against the slats of the crib. He turned around to see his mother, standing surprised in the doorway, and he said, "I just had to check."

Poor kid, Kate knows that feeling all too well.

She sighs and heads back for their bedroom, slipping inside quietly, listening for the sound of Rick's breathing in the darkness. Moonlight casts her side of the bed in silver; she walks in puddles of mercurial darkness to crawl into bed with him. She slides in close, sighing at his warmth, and drapes herself over his back, her cheek to his shoulder blade.

He takes in a long, sighing breath and seems to sink into the mattress as he exhales. She waits, but he's still asleep. Kate curls her arm around his back, her fingers at his ribs, and closes her eyes.

This is right. This is what she needs.

* * *

><p>Frrraaakkkk.<p>

What the hell?

Castle squints, panting, reaches behind him out of reflex, feels the hot skin, the tumbling hair.

"Kate?"

He clears his throat and looks behind him, twisting his face against the pillow, and sees Kate draped all over his back, her left arm curled up along his, fingers tangled in his. He slips his free hand to her neck; she's sweating, making him feel both suffocated and burning up.

No wonder she hates to cuddle. This is downright obnoxious. And the older he gets, the less he longs for these cuddling moments. What is she doing?

He clamps his arm at her shoulders and turns slowly, trying to keep from waking her, gets to his back with Kate still over him. She stirs but she doesn't wake; her breath fans his neck and her fingers are still tangled in his left hand.

He lifts his head and strokes his right hand over her cheek, pushing her hair back. She must be dreaming. Dashiell sweats like this when he dreams too.

He untangles his hand from her fingers and wraps his arm around her back, brushing his palm up and down her spine, closing his eyes. After a moment, he feels Kate's body conform to his, as if her muscles were easing up, the tension draining out of her.

He lifts his head and her mouth is open against his chest, her breathing regular. He glances at the clock - she'll probably wake at any moment. Nearly six.

Ug. It's hot. She's a furnace. All-

She grunts and jerks, as if she's falling, then startles so badly that she drops off his chest. Rick catches her, laughing to himself, and rolls to the side with her, watching her eyes open and her awareness flicker in and out.

"Rick."

"Morning, hot stuff."

She blinks slowly, looking at him. Her hand comes up between them and her fingers fumble at his lips.

"Yummy," she murmurs.

He laughs, more than surprised by her. "Oh yeah?"

"I keep having bad dreams," she sighs, and rolls into his chest. Her fingers curl at his chin.

Okay, so she's not really awake yet. Funny. Kate is usually alert and aware from the moment her eyes open. "Bad dreams, babe?" He nuzzles into her neck, a wet kiss to her jaw.

"Mm, hmm." She roots her nose into his armpit; a mistake she will surely regret. But then she sighs and wriggles even closer, curling into him, and his chest tightens with it. Kate snuggling into him.

"What about, sweetheart?"

"Callin' me names," she mutters.

"Only because I love you."

"Okay," she sighs.

His lips quirk; he brushes a kiss against the top of her head. "Bad dreams?"

"They killed you," she shivers, and it seems to wake her a little. Because she pulls back, blinks up at him.

"They killed me?"

"What?"

"Your bad dreams. I died in your bad dream, Kate?"

"You what?" She looks truly confused now, giving him that _what the hell are you talking about? _look.

"What did you dream about?"

"Dream? I don't. . .remember," she says, but something flashes across her face and she shivers again. "Oh. Well. I can guess."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There's one. . .I hear you get shot."

"In your dream."

"Unh," she grunts and tries to get away from him. He lets her go, watching her sit up and pull her sweaty shirt away from her chest, fanning herself. She gathers her hair in one hand and lifts it off her neck, blowing out a long breath.

"It's only six," he points out.

She peers past him to the clock, then flops back to the bed with a sigh. "Okay, so I have a dream where. . .I can hear you get shot."

"Is this one of those dreams where it's dark and you can't see, but you can hear everything? I have one of those. Dashiell is pulling knives out of the dishwasher and I can't move, can't make him stop."

She gives him a little smile. "No. It's actually. Uh. More like a memory."

"Oh." Well, that's pretty crappy. No wonder she's flipped out. Except he can't remember a time where she thought he'd been shot. The reverse, yeah. "Is this. . .the stuff you're trying to work through?"

He rolls towards her, lying on his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows to look at her face. Her eyes cut to him and he sees there is so very much more to this than one bad dream. The desperation he saw in her eyes back on the couch last night - that's gone. But the grief remains.

"I don't want to get into it," she says softly.

He sighs, glances to the sliding glass doors and the dawn light. A feather soft touch of her hand against his cheek brings his eyes back to her; she looks sad. He knows it's because she understands that she ought to be able to share with him, but she's just so very internal. It's not that she's reserved; really, Kate isn't reserved at all - she's passionate and intense, and she feels things so deeply. It's just that she's got the personality type that doesn't really need anyone else. And he knows that. Honestly, it doesn't really bother him anymore. In fact, she's kinda started rubbing off on him too. He likes to write things out now, in solitude for a few hours, just get it out.

"Hey, Kate, don't. It's okay. You don't want to get into it, I know. I get it. Splinter, right? Let it work itself out."

She strokes his cheek. "I don't know any more. What if I've left it so long that it's just. . .infected?"

He kisses her palm, then leans down to kiss her forehead; he feels her fingers curl around the back of his neck. Maybe this is the time, then, to push her.

"So what's this about, Kate?"

She clutches at his neck and her breath sighs out, long and resigned.

He pulls back a little. "Something bad. You're still having dreams? Dreams where I get shot."

She nods but releases his neck, scoots away so she's lying on her side and studying his face. Instead of talking, she looks like she's memorizing him.

"Something bad," he repeats.

"I don't even know where to start," she says finally, closing her eyes. Even saying that much is a start.

"Let's sit up," he says softly, and sits back against the headboard. She rolls to her knees, then sits on the side of the bed for a moment before standing up.

He watches her drift away, crossing her arms over her chest as she looks out of the sliding glass doors towards the gathering glow. Sunrise is close.

He stays in bed, watching her back, the beautiful line of her neck, the sun-streaked strands of her hair. He's struck sometimes, by just how very gorgeous she is now. Sure, she was cute and hot when she hauled him out of his book release party and into the precinct (in fact, he's told her before that her interrogation of him was their first date), but every year she's only grown more beautiful, more amazing, stronger and more mature and just. . .gorgeous. Maybe it's because she loves him, maybe that helps, but he really thinks it's just her.

"Remember when I got jumped by those Russian mobsters?"

He jerks back to the present, to their conversation. Uh. . .ah. "In April. They ambushed you on a call-in tip, right?" April: six months ago. And all this, whatever this is, started six months ago.

"Yes. April." She goes very still.

"You told me you woke up in a back room of an abandoned warehouse. Alone. Stuck in there for an hour until Ryan and Espo tracked you down."

"Right." She turns her head to look at him over her shoulder, something dark and desolate in her eyes.

His chest tightens; he leans forward. "Did. . .did they do something to you, Kate?"

She gives a short nod, and he can't breathe. Can't feel his body for the tidal wave of grief-filled rage that rises up in him. He needs to beat something, smash his fist into something, preferably those Russian bastards.

He chokes and gets to his feet, not sure if he should touch her, wanting only to erase whatever violation-

"What? What did they do to you?" His voice sounds strangled, hands clenched in fists at his side. She turns to him, catches sight of his face and brings her hands up to his cheeks, shaking her head.

"Oh God, no. Castle, no, baby. Not that. I'm sorry. No-" She presses her mouth to his and he sinks into her, draping his body over hers as if his relief could somehow protect her, too late, too late.

"Not that," he repeats, swallowing hard, his arms tight around her back. "Then. Then what?"

"They weren't there. They left me alone. I woke up in this dark room, not even tied up. There was this PA system and they had a twenty second recording set up on repeat play. For an hour. Over and over. It felt like. . .days."

A recording. A recording? Oh. She said- "Is this where me being shot comes in? They played you a recording and you thought-"

"Yes," she nods once and kisses his cheek before stepping back, regaining her distance. Probably also regaining her control.

"Tell me." And inherent in his command is also the question _Why didn't you tell me?_

"On the tape they told me I'd messed with their family. So they were going to take mine."

"Oh." Take hers?

"Then I heard your voice. A gunshot. And then a little girl screaming."

A little girl screaming? What did that have to do with-

"Screaming for daddy. Over and over," she whispers and rubs her hand over her eyes, sighs.

"Oh. Ella. It was meant to be Ella."

She nods. "And I didn't. . .I couldn't be sure. With your voice - that's easy to snag off the internet or a taped interview. But that little girl-" Kate shudders and presses her hands into her eye sockets, speaks again slowly. "Whatever they did to that girl's father, in front of her, to get her to sound like that. . ."

"Oh, Kate," he murmurs and can't keep his distance. Castle closes his arms around her back and squeezes. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers, and he can't help the grief in his voice that matches the grief in her eyes.

"I can't - couldn't - it just-"

"Sorry, I'm sorry. Don't - it's in the past. You're telling me now." He knows that there are things, even experiences they've shared, that she just doesn't ever bring up again. It took them three years to even mention the case that brought them together, three years to go back over the scars and put the specter of that torture to rest. He knows this is how she works.

"You're smothering me," she huffs, shoving on him, but she's offering him a small smile.

He pulls back, watching her; she runs a hand through her hair, turns back to the sliding glass doors and the balcony.

"The worst part. To me. The worst part was not knowing for sure. Grieving felt like betraying hope. Betraying you, somehow. I don't know why. But refusing to believe it, being blind and willfully ignorant, that felt wrong too, felt like it cheapened. . .us, what we had and was lost now."

"It's not lost. I'm not dead," he says softly, reaching out a hand to brush across her hip. "And if you're not ready to talk about this, Kate. We don't have to talk."

"I'll never be ready." She gives him a rueful look.

"Hey, we're on vacation. You were right. You don't have to do it here. Okay?" Obviously, it did some real damage to her. And he knows - he absolutely knows - that Kate Beckett heals in silence and solitude. She separates herself. So instead of disappearing for a week on her own, she's just been mentally compartmentalizing. And it's stopped working.

Maybe the week alone might have been better for her. As much as it hurts to admit it. It's not how he handles things, but it's what works for her.

"I need to stop thinking about it. Need to stop letting it affect me," she says finally. "So if you'll just let me. Get through this."

"Go on, then." He waits for her to continue, then drops into the armchair beside the glass door, watching her.

She starts to pace, a short circuit from the windows to the bed and back. "The reason I couldn't be sure. That I didn't know. It was because I. . .I had no idea what Ella sounded like. I still couldn't tell you for sure if the voice I hear in my dreams, that little girl's voice, is my daughter or not."

"I can tell you. It's not," he says firmly, catching her gaze and holding it. "Because she's fine. And I'm fine. We're all okay."

Kate nods, gives him a flickering, ghost-like smile. "Yeah. No. I know. But I couldn't tell. I was in this dark room and the PA system was scratchy and it would start up and I knew, _knew_ it was coming, and every time I flinched at the gunshot, and then just. . .I fell apart the moment I heard her voice, her terrible, screaming voice, and I didn't know. I didn't know. Because I never hear my little girl speak."

Oh. Oh, damn. That's what this has been about, all this insistence on Ellery using her words, getting Ella to talk instead of ordering Dash around. Wow. He should've seen - well, but how could he have known?

"She speaks. And this weekend, wow. A lot, right?" Castle sits forward, giving her a grin. "But Kate, even if Ella talked our ears off, I think any parent would have heard that little girl on the tape screaming and felt the exact same. No matter if your rational mind kept telling you, _no that's not my daughter._ There'd still be that horror, that fear, because you're a parent. And you never want to hear that."

He stands up and approaches her; she's watching him thoughtfully, chewing her lower lip. Castle brushes his hand at her mouth, smooths his thumb over the lip that's pulled tight.

"I'm okay," she says, then laughs a little. "I know it doesn't sound like it. But I really was fine. I came home early that day and told you-"

"Only half the truth-"

She sighs. "Only part of it. But I couldn't say - it was too fresh. I couldn't. I just," she gives him a slow, measuring grin. "You were attentive, and you loved me. Twice, remember? I needed that. That was good."

"I'm always good," he tosses back, letting her lighten the mood. He actually doesn't remember, but he trusts that it helped.

"You are good," she murmurs and kisses the underside of his jaw, still soft. "You're very good."

He hums back at her and wraps a hand in her hair, realizing how lucky she was that day, to have only been forced to listen to a recording. And not anything more - damaging.

"Still, Kate. That's just. . .I can't imagine."

"I think it wouldn't be so bad except. . .a few weeks later, they managed to get ahold of my work number. They played the tape-"

"Damn." He wants to strangle someone. The Russian mafia bastards. Slowly strangle them. Watch the light go out in their eyes for this.

"After I switched extensions with Ryan, he got a few of those calls. He, uh. . ." She gives a short sigh. "Do you remember that night he came over and asked to baby-sit?"

"Oh, yeah. Actually. I thought it was weird, I mean, Jenny was out of town and - oh - that explains it."

"Yeah. Remember how we found them all on the couch when we got home? That was the same day Ryan got the call."

Damn. It must be bad. "They still calling you?"

"They figured out that the numbers got switched, so I got a few more. But now all my calls are forwarded to either Ryan or Espo. Esposito didn't look so hot either, the first time he picked up."

"You know, like three months ago, Esposito called and wanted a Madden football match-up. He came over and we played that game for like. . .three hours. He even let Dashiell on his team. I can't remember if I told you that. You were out on-call. But Espo *never* wants to let Dash on his team; he's too competitive. But that afternoon he was super patient and -"

"That was the same night that Lanie told me that Esposito had dropped the bomb on her."

"The what?"

"That he wanted them to have a baby."

"You're kidding me!" He jumps, holding her by the shoulders. "Not-uh. Esposito was the one to bring that up? I so so so thought that was all on Lanie's side of things."

Kate grins at him, most of the sadness cleared out of her eyes. "Wrong. Espo. He's a softie."

"He is a softie. But he'd hurt me if I said that."

She snorts and wraps her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

He lifts an eyebrow as if in question, but he knows. And he's glad it's worked. She leans against him for a moment, brushes a gentle kiss to his adam's apple. Castle glances down at her and she's just. . .beautiful. How much he loves this woman, and how much he sees that love reflected in every line of her body.

"I have two favorite pictures of you. Two I absolutely love," he says quietly.

She hums her own question, her forehead pressed to his chest.

"One is in Ella's room, of my three girls together, you know the one?"

"Your girls," she laughs, then smiles secretly against his shoulder, as if he can't feel that.

Good, good. He knows that his words have power over her, that when he gives language and story to what they have together, it does something for her, to her. He wants all that terrible darkness gone from her eyes, banished from her dreams.

"The one from Chicago, in Alexis's apartment? I have a copy of that one on my desk," she grins at him.

He nods. "Yeah. I have it in my study too. And next to it is my other favorite photo of you."

She hums and slides her arms down to his hips, moves in closer. Her cheek shifts so she's against his shoulder, watching the light coalesce at the eastern rim of the sky. He sways a little, in a slow rhythm to the rising sun, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I love every picture of you, Kate. All the ways you look at me, at our kids, the ways you love us. But this one? You just." He sighs, brushes his hand over her spine. "It was in the hospital right after Ellery was born. I had to leave you, I hated to leave you, but I had to go buy tinier baby clothes, remember? Ella's little body was too small for everything we had packed, and Dash was so long as a baby we overestimated. Anyway your dad and Dashiell rode back with me, to see you both."

"Yeah," she breathes.

"Dash crawled up next to you - he was so jealous - and you were holding Ellery, right after you'd fed her so you had that look on your face, oh God, Kate, there's something so very beautiful about you when you're holding our kids-"

She shivers and draws her arms around him.

He takes a deep breath. "Dash took one look at Ellery and then looked at you and we could both tell how much he wanted to hold her. He saw it on your face, how amazing it was. So he cuddled in really close and you shifted Ellery over to his lap with your arms around them both, holding her head, and Dash just looked. . .awestruck."

She breathes out and turns her head to him. "He said, '_Hi baby girl_.' Just like he used to cuddle with me and talk to my belly. And then he leaned over and kissed her, remember that? on the lips." She laughs. "And Ella squirmed under him."

She wriggles her shoulders as if mimicking how Ella squirmed that day.

He grins. "Yeah. I got a picture of the two of you looking down at Ella. I love it. I love that moment. All of us together in that room and Dashiell just melting at the sight of his baby sister, and you - you, Kate-" Castle stops, presses his mouth to hers in an overflow of it all. "Everything in me loves you so much, is for you, for you, and I'd do anything to make this okay, to fix this. Please don't keep things from me when all I want to do is-"

"I'm sorry," she whispers, and strokes his neck with her fingers. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to tell you and not break apart. I needed to be able to go into work the next day and the next day without taking all of you in with me too, just to be sure you were all safe. Not telling you was the only way I knew to survive. It forced me to to act calm, to be normal, and I needed normal."

He eases his grip on her waist, her neck, knowing he's sometimes just too much. But for the past few years, she's handled him just right. She's let him hold her too tight. So he tries not to take advantage of that. "I know. I get it. I do."

"I know you do," she whispers back. "I'm sorry I'm like this. You should have better-"

"It's not for me. Don't change just because *I* can't handle it." He laughs, brushes a thumb along her hip, can manage to let go now. "I just don't want you to go through this alone. Not when it's like this, nightmares and not sleeping and kinda freaking out over Ella."

"I didn't freak out over - okay, I did a little bit. I know." She kisses his mouth, deep and long and apologetic, taking his hands in hers and drawing them back to her waist. He doesn't even need to forgive her, just hold her and know she's alive, and has been for six months.

He breaks away to nip at her jaw; his teeth graze her bottom lip. "Guess what? I'm coming back to the 12th."

She takes in a shuddering breath as his hips push against hers. "Yes," she whispers and presses her palm into his lower back. "You are."

"You don't do this alone."

"If you'd been with me that day-"

"You would've known I was okay-"

"They would've shot you in front of me," she gasps and her teeth are against his, clashing, taking it from him.

He stills, breaks from her, pulling back to look at her. Her eyes are dry; she's just stating a fact. One she carries around with her like guilt, knowing that bringing him back is dangerous.

"So that's what this is about."

She stares at him. "I don't know." Her mouth opens but nothing more comes out.

"But you arranged for me to come back."

"Because I need you there."

Fear. Desire. Guilt. Love. All in that one statement.

"I'll be there. But nothing will happen to me. Nothing will happen to you. We're a great team, Kate. I've got your back. You've got mine. If I had been there, they'd never have gotten the drop on you."

She sucks in a long breath and abandons her seduction to throw her arms around him again, lifting herself up. He strokes his hands down her back and feels her body relax instead of respond. She was first, and still is now, his best friend.

"Partners," she murmurs. "Can't wait."

He grins and squeezes her, then shuffles her back towards the bed. "It's not even seven o'clock, Kate. Let's just sleep for now."

"But I'm not-" she yawns widely. "-sleepy. Oh."

Castle laughs. "Yeah, you are. See? I got your back. Now. To bed with you."


	31. Chapter 31

He wakes up when the shower cuts on, rolls over to check the time. Respectable. Not really vacation sleeping in, but it'll work.

Castle throws off the sheets and rubs the heel of his hand into his eye, yawns. He stretches his back and hears it pop, tilts his head on his neck, wincing at the twinge. If Kate's getting old, it means he's older. He likes growing old with her. Pretty awesome actually.

He grins and follows her, uses the bathroom, washes his hands, brushes his teeth. Monday morning of their beach vacation. Shopping. Ug. Shopping with Kate is like a science; get in and get out. He prefers taking his time, browsing, looking at all the cool stuff, playing with it. She shops like she's on a mission, even when it's for shoes.

But this will be for Halloween costume pieces, so maybe he'll get a chance to mess around. Plus, Dashiell goes at a store like he does, and is terribly indecisive. So this could take all morning.

The shower door cracks open and Kate calls out to him.

"Yeah?" Castle spits and drops his toothbrush into the holder, walks backward to hear her over the pounding water.

She snakes a soapy arm out to him and grabs him by the collar of his tshirt, draws him in. Her eyes are laughing at him. "Went for a run. You missed sweaty Kate."

"Damn," he murmurs and leans in closer to lick the corner of her mouth, drag his teeth over her jaw. She shivers and the billowing steam from the shower envelopes him. "But soapy Kate is equally good. Less dirty, but a lot more. . .slippery."

"Get in here, Castle."

If it weren't for the rough and ragged need in her eyes, he'd think she was simply issuing another command. Instead, he can see it for what it is. A plea.

He'll do anything in his power to answer that need.

* * *

><p>"Ella's asleep and so is Dash," her husband says, coming back into the bathroom.<p>

Kate glances over at Castle in the mirror; he's got his eyes on her. She twists her wet hair up off her neck and wraps it with a rubber band. "He was awake and watching tv when I left for my run. Asleep when I got back. You want to let them sleep some more?"

"Yeah. You don't mind?"

"We can hang out on the balcony," she grins, her body still humming from the shower, or maybe from just being a little less burdened this morning, a little more free. Happy again. She's got to remember this for next time. Because there's always a next time, another battle to fight.

"Yeah," he says slowly and drops his hand to her shoulder blade, caressing the ridge of her bone, leaning in to press a kiss to the trapezius muscle. "Sounds good. You want breakfast?"

"I had a power bar before I left. I'm good. You need something?"

She sees his eyes darken, stormy oceans and remembered passion; his head dips again and brands the skin over her spine with an open-mouthed bite, tongue coming out to play. She arches, unable to stop herself, captures the back of his head with her hand on a gasp.

"Castle."

"Mm. Not that hungry."

"Like hell you're not," she retorts, the breathlessness taking all the heat out of her words. He tugs her hips back into him and starts a slow seduction of her neck, pushing her gently into the edge of the sink so she can stay standing.

Her breathing is ragged in seconds, but she lets him be the aggressive one, leaning back against his chest and waiting for the moment it becomes too much. He keeps it slow, builds her need in the firepit of her body, one cord of wood at a time, layering the logs to create the best flame. Just when it feels like he's built it too high, too thick and wonderful, he slides his hand down and sets alight her whole being.

* * *

><p>The lounge chair on the balcony is decidedly cramped, but there's no way she's letting him get away from her now. He keeps grumbling about how he thought he'd married the one woman in all of New York that *didn't* want to snuggle, but she can't even move to get him for that. She has one earbud in while he shares the other one, as stupid and ridiculous as it is to be sharing an ipod, and the music washes over her, keeps her body calm.<p>

Castle shifts. "My arm's falling asleep, Beckett."

"Stop whining. This is what you've always wanted," she murmurs, her mouth against his shoulder. His cheek comes to rest against the top of her head, belying his complaints, and his other hand drifts slowly up and down her bare thigh.

Air conditioning swirls through the open sliding doors and drifts across her toes; she curls her knees up a little and hums low in her chest to the song, something about summer sun and dancing in high heels and the best ones. Catchy but not amazing. Castle's music.

"I can't feel my fingers."

"You're getting crotchety in your old age," she mutters, lifting her head slightly to press her lips to his jaw. Entirely without heat because she can't even move, let alone generate enough heat to do anything about shutting him up.

"I am. I know. You've rubbed off on me. And it's hot out here."

"The breeze-"

"Not enough when you've got a hundred pound woman lying all over you. A smoking hot-"

"Only a hundred pounds? You're way off Castle."

"Not way off. There's no way you're in the 90s. That would just be-"

She laughs and dazzles him with her best smile, lifts up to press her lips to his. "That's cute. Disturbing but cute."

"How much *do* you weigh?"

"Don't know for sure. Somewhere around 130. I think. I dropped too much after Dash, but gained some after Ella."

"Oh. Well. Yeah. Okay, not *way* off, but obviously I think your body is perfect and I love how it fits up against me, but Kate. Jeez. You're crushing my arm."

She sighs and slides off of him, letting him have his right side back, but then she nudges her knee into his left thigh and settles in on the other side. Because she can. Because she's spent five years listening to him mope about how she never snuggles, never cuddles, isn't very girly at all, and she's going to get in as much as of it as she can now that she wants it.

He groans but shifts over, his previously crushed hand coming up in front of them and flexing in exaggeration. His arm struggles under her for a moment, then wraps around her, fingers curling at her hip. His lips press suddenly into the crown of her head. "I love you. You know I love you."

Kate grins into his shoulder. "I could tell. You're not very good at keeping secrets."

"Sometimes I think we just go through this side by side and don't ever really look at each other. How could I not have seen what happened-"

"Castle," she chides and lifts her chin to gaze at him. "We're good. Even when we're not good, we're still good. You know?"

He nods, but his eyes are that concerned and careful blue, the blue of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I'm good," she says finally. "I deal with things differently, but it comes back to you." She doesn't have his words, but she doesn't need them. He gets it; he gets her. He always has. From the beginning. "It's fate, right?"

He rolls his eyes in his best imitation of her; she pulls the earbud out of her ear and lifts up again to kiss him, a little slower, a little richer. Trying to prove something she knows she doesn't need to prove. Can't hurt though.

His hand cradles her face as they pause, his forehead tilts forward to rest against hers. "I thought of a plan."

She huffs a laugh. "Infamous last words."

"Hush. My plan is this. Today we observe, gather date, do some digging. Then tonight, you and I sit down and tackle the Ellery problem."

"Problem?"

"The not talking. We'll figure out how to fix it. What's going on in her head. Why yesterday? Why not other times? It'll be our first mystery to solve together since-"

Kate bites her lower lip and silences him with a quick kiss. "You're a very sweet man."

He looks at her, speechless, and blinks.

But. The things he'll do for her, to help her, even if it goes against his nature. To analyze their daughter's behavior and profile her like they would a case.

"Actually. Yeah. That. . .sounds really good," she says finally. Because having any kind of game plan at all. . .it helps. It does. And that Castle knows that? That also helps.


	32. Chapter 32

When Dashiell wakes up for good, the television is just right. He opens his eyes and sees the glow on the ceiling and the flickers it makes. He has two things to do. First, he sits up and turns off the television because it's just for morning times. Second he gets out of bed and walks through the bathroom between their rooms. He's allowed to do this. Mommy showed him where she plugged in the night light and where he can get up and go if he has to go.

Daddy says _whiz_ sometimes. It's funnier to say whiz, but Daddy says that's not a word for Mommies. Daddy also says - just sometimes - _take a dump_. And that's funnier because he has a dump truck and Ms. Kim at preschool has a dump cake, but those two things have nothing to do with the dump Daddy is talking about.

Dash likes the words. He likes to know the words people use that mean the same thing but they aren't the same.

Second, he gets to walk between the rooms using the bathroom as a kind of secret passageway. Daddy has a secret passageway at his bar down in the basement office; Dash has gotten to peek inside and go in a little ways with Daddy, but not often. He would like to be there more times, but Daddy says there are rats and mutant pet alligators. Dash almost believes him but then, it's Daddy. If Mommy said it, then he would know for sure.

Still, he would like to see a mutant pet alligator. He would like to ride one.

Dash slips through the door and into the sun-lightened room his sister sleeps in. She doesn't mind the way the air has little quivers that show up in the sun. She doesn't need it dark to sleep, dark and close and a relief of not seeing.

When he creeps up to her bed, she's already awake.

"Ellie," he whispers, putting his face close to hers.

His little sister turns her head and grins. "Dash. Uppie?"

"Yeah. If you get up, then I can too. You're done sleepin' right?"

"Done."

He grins back at her as she holds her arms up for him. Dash gets his hands under her armpits and heaves her up and out, then down the side of the bed until they both fall back on the floor. Oof. She's too big.

Ellie giggles against him and gets to her hands and knees, scrambles up. She has to push her hair out of her face with both hands. Dash rolls up too, and remembers that number three on the list, if number two is good, then number three is taking off his pajamas and putting on clothes (he gets to pick them out). And after three, that means he can go find Mommy and Daddy for four. Four is his favorite number.

Until he's five. Then things will need five rules. Because five will be best.

"Castle," Ellie says, pushing on him.

"No sand castles. 'Member? We gots to find costume stuff. I'm gonna be a space cowboy like Daddy."

"I gonna be Mommy." Ellie points her finger at him and shoots, pwew, pwew.

"Yup. But I don't think Mommy will like it if you get a gun. Even if it's a toy, Ellie." He needs to warn her so she's not disappointed when Mommy says no. Mommy doesn't like weapons in the house, but Daddy says swords and light sabres and laser beam guns are necessary. So Mommy says no guns that look like real guns.

But Mommy has a real gun. She took it apart and put it back together in front of him and Ellie on the couch. Daddy was sitting beside him with Ellie in his lap, and Mommy and Daddy were very serious and he can't ever ever touch it. Mommy said it can hurt like fire; she showed him where it hurt her. It is just for cops to use to keep bad people from using them.

But Mommy was the one who bought him a nerf gun with the balls that shoot out, so nerf guns must not look like real guns, and also Mommy must be okay with those too. He also got a dart gun once from Allie, who always brings him cool stuff.

"But I can have shoes?"

Dash thinks about that. "Not Mommy's shoes. Too big for you to walk around in and do trick or treating and stuff."

Her mouth turns, her smile pointing down. "I want shoes."

He sighs. "Maybe if you say shoes. Mommy is happy when you talk to her. Then maybe you can get some shoes like Mommy's. Just for little babies and not mommies."

"Not a little baby."

"Yeah you are. When you don't talk, you act like a baby."

"I not a baby." She sets her mouth in a line that means she's either going to cry or yell at him. She doesn't cry much, but it's bad when she does. She bit him once. He doesn't want her to bite. Also, he doesn't really want her to yell at him because she yells in his ear and she gets high up there and it hurts.

"Okay, okay. But you are little. And *I* know you're not a baby 'cause we talk. And I know what you mean."

She scrunches up her face in a twist and her eyes get narrow. Mad then. Not gonna cry. But mad at him. She don't like being called little.

"Okay. But I can say you're little because you're my little sister. See? It works like that."

"You big?"

"Yes. I'm almost five. You're only two."

"Almost three."

"Not almost. It has to be in your month to be almost."

"What my month?"

"December. It's Christmas, 'member? That's you. Me. I'm Halloween. October. That's right now. So I'm almost five."

"I almost three."

"Not yet, baby girl."

Her eyes get big and her mouth opens and he knows he's done it now. Dash claps a hand over her mouth and shushes her.

"No, no, no, Ellie. Shh. You'll get me in trouble."

She jerks away from him. "Yes. Trouble. You in trouble."

"No. Ellie," he whines. "I'll play Barbies with you after we find our costumes. And I'll tell Mommy you want shoes. Don't scream. You hurt my ears."

She crosses her arms over her chest and turns her head, deciding. He shifts back and forth on his feet and then realizes he needs to -

Whiz.

That will do it. "Hold that thought, Ellie. I gotta whiz."

She giggles and claps two hands over her eyes as he turns to go back to the bathroom.

"Hey, we gotta get dressed too. That's the third rule. Then we go find Mommy and Daddy."

"Shoes."

"Yeah pick stuff out." Dash gets to stand up to whiz. He grins but he gets tangled up in his pajama pants, so he's got to strip those off and then his spiderman underwear too. Daddy says it's very very important to aim. So he has to concentrate.

Ellery comes through the door with clothes and dumps them in the floor. Dash flushes and then puts back on his spideys and climbs up onto the sink counter. Ellie jumps up and down trying to climb up too.

"You stay down there, Ellie."

"I wash hands."

"You have to whiz first."

"Girls whiz?"

"Um." Do girls whiz? Maybe not if they don't get to stand up. "I'll ask Daddy."

"Can I whiz?"

"Let me wash my hands. You pee."

Ellery sighs at him and bounces over to the toilet. She always is bouncing and jumping and crawling through small small spaces. She likes to take stuff, but she doesn't take his stuff (or not all the times, just some of the times), because it's his stuff and not hers. But she does find Mommy's things and put them in a place that's hidden. She will take Daddy's too, but Daddy doesn't really mind, so Ellie doesn't always have to.

He tugs up the faucet and sticks his hands under. The soap is the clear liquid kind even though he told Mommy he doesn't like it. He needs foam to kill the whiz germs. But Mommy says it works. She's usually right. That will be okay for now.

Dash pushes off the water and shakes his hands out, flinging water over the mirror. He catches sight of himself and grins, flapping his hands to watch the water go all over. His hair is sticking up where it's growing out too long and being curly. Mommy likes his curls. It makes him like them too, even though it's not in order.

"Done!"

He turns back and sees Ellie with her hands raised, all her pjs off and just her Dora the Explorer underwear on.

"Flush it."

She turns and hops to the handle, jumps to push it down, then hope back to the sink. "I a rabbit."

"You're not a rabbit."

"I a Roo."

"Like on Winnie the Pooh?"

She nods.

"Okay, Roo," he sighs, rolling his eyes at her. "Can you climb? Or do I need to jump down there and let you crawl on my back?"

"Back! Dashy on the back!"

"Not Dashy. Ew. That's like a baby name." He stands up and swings his arms, bends his knees, and jumps down. His feet slap the tile and he flails his arms to keep standing as his bones sting. "Yowie, yowie."

"You not hurt. Back."

He sticks his tongue out at her and dries his hands off on his pajamas in the floor, then gets down on his hands and knees in front of the sink. "Crawl up, Ellie."

She gets a knee on his back and her hands clutch around his neck, then she wriggles around and stands up, bouncing.

"Don't bounce," he growls at her. "You break me, crazy girl."

She giggles and gets on her tiptoes; he can hear the water come on and he wriggles too, trying to shake her off. She shrieks and grabs the counter loudly, clamping both hands down on it, her knees banging against the cabinets. "No, Dash."

"I'll stop," he laughs. "Hurry up."

She goes back to washing her hands, humming, and he feels water drop on his back before she turns the water off again and then drops back down on him.

"Ouch," he growls. But she only giggles at him and puts her hands over his eyes, her giggle loud in his ear. "Get off me now. Stepstool is done."

"I a ghost. Wooooo."

"You're not a ghost."

"I a. . .a. . .um. . .don't know."

"You're a girl. And sometimes a puppy dog. And sometimes a baby-"

She slaps her hand on his back and jumps off. He gets up and pushes her into her room, kicking her clothes after her. "Put these on. I gotta find some too."

Dash heads back for his drawers. His spideys are clean because he got them after his bath. No, it was a shower. He took a shower yesterday and it wasn't as terrible as it usually is. Also Ellie was there and he had to be her big brother. So he couldn't yell out when the water got sharp.

But it wasn't really that sharp. Mommy knows how to make it softer.

Dash tugs on the bottom drawer and finds his pants and shorts and stuff. Daddy packed him up, so it's the fun stuff. He finds his pirate pants, the one with the patches on the knees that Allie put on for him. He pulls them out and wriggles into them, sticks out his tongue to concentrate on the button and zipper.

Pirate pants means a striped shirt. He needs his black and white one, but that's at home. Maybe he needs-

"I all done!"

He turns and Ellie is in his doorway with her hands on her hips. She's wearing her striped leggings with her pink skirt pulled over it and a blue tshirt that Daddy got her. It has an owl on one side and a ghost on the other and it says Boo Hoo.

"What my shirt say?"

"I told you already-"

"Telllllll me, 'gain."

"It says Boo Hoo."

She giggles and pats her chest, stroking the owl and the ghost. "I a ghost. Boo Boo." She giggles again and shakes her head. "But I not hurt. No boo boo."

"Or an owl. Hoo hoo."

"Where your shirt?"

"Stop talking like a baby."

She glares at him.

"I'm looking for a shirt. I need a pirate shirt." He digs through the next drawer up, looking for something that will be right.

Ellie peers over his shoulder. "This one."

She reaches past him and tugs out a grey tshirt.

"No, that's my high-five tshirt. I wear that on my birthday. I need one to be a pirate with."

"This?" She flings the grey one over her head and pulls out a white one. "Boat on it."

Dash picks up the grey shirt and puts it back in the drawer, then laughs when he sees the white one she picked out. He grabs it and pulls it on over his head. "It's not a boat. It's Noah on the ark."

"What he doing with the horsey?"

"Stop baby-talking. And it's not a horse. It's a unicorn."

"He pushing-"

"He is pushing."

"He *is*" - she growls and glares at him - "pushing out the unicorn. Can a unicorn swim?"

"Nope. We don't got unicorns any more-"

"Why?"

"It's supposed to be funny. But it's not funny when I have to explain everything."

Ellie crosses her arms again and narrows her eyes at him. Mommy looks like that too. But Ellie's isn't good enough.

"Come on, Ellie. Let's go find Mommy and Daddy. I wanna get my space cowboy stuff."

"Shoes."

"Yeah. You get shoes." He takes her hand, tugging it out from her pout, and pulls her towards the door.

He twists open the door knob and leads them out into the hallway, feeling a rush of air that startles him.

Ellie moves on ahead, but he runs to catch up to her, overtaking her. He's the big brother; he goes first.

"Mommy?"

When he calls out, he sees them move on the balcony, Mommy standing up from the chair and Daddy's hand in hers. Mommy steps back inside the condo and laughs.

"Ella, baby girl, did you pick out your clothes?"

Dash squeezes Ellie's hand and she nods.

"Mommy, we're starving. And ready for costumes."

Daddy comes inside too and hunches down like a big bear, then growls and grabs Dash and Ellie in a beastly hug, tight and growly and his prickly cheeks rubbing against Dash's face. He laughs out loud, hearing Ellie giggle like crazy next to him, and he pushes on Daddy's chest to get away.

"Oh no, the big bad wolf is eating you up," Daddy growls and does the nom nom nom noise against Dash's arm and neck and Ellie's too so that Dash is giggling so hard he can't breathe.

Ellie gasps. "Mommy, save me!"

And Dash feels Ellie getting plucked out of Daddy's arms and saved, but he keeps laughing too hard to breathe or ask to be saved too, but it doesn't matter because this is the funnest part, Daddy grabbing him tight and not letting go, Daddy making wolf noises and making it funny and not scary.

"You can't escape; I will get all you little kids-"

Dash shrieks as Daddy tickles now, hard on his knees, and he writhes and pulls away, eyes falling open as he arches back to see Ellie with her arms clamped around Mommy's neck just like when she hugged him too, and Mommy is laughing and pulling away from Daddy, but it's the good kind, with all the smiles, and everyone, everyone, is having the best kind of sunshiney day.


	33. Chapter 33

"No, baby, it's Daddy's turn to pick the music," Kate says, yawning as she does. She shakes her head at the end of it, catches Castle laughing at her and wrinkles her nose at him. "You wore me out, Castle."

"That is *exactly* what I like to hear," he grins, fiddling with her ipod from the passenger seat. He still hasn't found his own, the idiot. He'll get hers all gross and sweaty if he uses it to run all week, and then the earbuds will stop working, like they did the last time this happened.

"Okay, kids, I'll take requests."

"Yes!" Dashiell exclaims, and Kate can feel him kicking the back of her seat as she drives out of the parking lot. "Daddy, I want to rock out."

Kate bursts into laughter, nibbling on her lip to keep it back, hoping she didn't damage his psyche. "Let's rock out, Daddy."

Castle laughs as well and Kate reaches behind her seat and manages to snag Dash's ankle, squeezing and shaking it a little.

"Ahhh! Monster's got me! Ellie, help!"

Ellie? Kate glances over at Castle but he shrugs. He hasn't heard that nickname before either. Maybe it has something to do with them calling Alexis Allie?

Dash is leaning across the seat to clutch at Ellery's arm. Kate sees Castle turn around to check, but he doesn't interfere so Ella must not be too annoyed.

Kate has to let go of Dash to turn onto the main road, and the kid makes some melodramatic noises of relief behind her. He's still clinging to Ellery, apparently. The girl is giggling and shoving on his forehead, at least, from Kate's vantage point in the rear view mirror. She could be kicking him too. Hard to tell.

"Okay, okay, here we go. Led Zeppelin, Dash. Best Zeppelin song ever. You can totally rock out to this."

The music starts out with a sudden hiss like a record and a driving guitar, then the falsetto cuts in. Kate twitches her eyebrow at Castle. "'Immigrant Song' is their best ever?"

"Yes, woman. Don't argue with me."

She gives him a look, but can't sustain it, has to turn her eyes back to the road. Behind her, Dashiell is scream-singing the "Ah-ahh" and she can feel his feet kicking her seat rhythmically.

"What?" Castle says. "You'd pick 'Stairway to Heaven,' wouldn't you?" he sighs.

"No. Actually. My favorite of theirs is 'Tangerine.'"

"Huh," he mutters; her lips twitch and she lets the smile go, gives it to him with a quick look. "Yeah, seriously, Kate, you pull out this stuff like it's obvious, but why do I not know this?"

"When have we ever talked about Led Zeppelin?"

"Exactly."

"What does it matter, Castle?"

"It's Led Zeppelin. Oh my word, Kate Beckett, it's _Led Zeppelin._"

O-kay. Sure. "I meant, why does it matter that we've never talked about this before? So what. It's not make or break."

"I don't know. If you had said you didn't even like Led Zeppelin, that might've been."

She laughs and settles back against the seat now that the kid has stopped kicking it. "Okay, we have an hour or so before we get to the mall. So tell me. . .what bands or artist do you absolutely love? Like, everything Castle. All of it. They put out an album and you'll buy it, no question."

"And like every song?"

"Yes. Every song. You got any music artists like that? Where everything is just. . .perfect? Where each song is right."

"Yeah. Led Zeppelin."

She laughs and shakes her head at him. "Who else? Anyone else? Because I'd say Arcade Fire. Like, five years ago, eight years ago, I didn't even know who they were. And now? I can't imagine not having Arcade Fire. Every song, Castle. How do they do that? Every song gets me."

"I'd second Arcade Fire. Yeah." He scratches at his jaw and rubs his chin; he didn't shave this morning so it probably itches. Kate knows he did it because she likes it, even though she's never come right out and said it before. Still, she knows that he knows. It's the kind of thing that their relationship is built up with, these moments of knowing without needing the words.

Still. Castle is a writer. Maybe he wants words every now and then, right?

"Okay, so my third would be Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Eh, actually they're a 95% love everything."

"Ah, okay. See, I only like that one album - Howl? The one where Jago was in rehab and didn't have any input." She slides a look over at him; he's narrowed his eyes at her.

"You are so mean. But yeah. Okay. Howl has a stripped-down. . .country feel to it. I can see why you like that one. That one has the five percent I'm not thrilled with."

"So BRMC, Arcade Fire, Led Zeppelin. Who else, Castle?"

"Despite your near-philistine dislike of Black Rebel, I'm gonna just put it out there: it is so hot that you know Nick Jago's name."

She laughs at that, takes a quick look in the rear view mirror to check on Dashiell, who is being entirely too quiet for a car trip. It looks like he's head-banging to the next song (Ben Folds, which is so not a head-banging artist); Kate turns a little and sees Ellery giggling at him, egging him on, reaching out over her car seat to let his bouncing head hit her hand over and over.

Oh jeez. Her kids are weird. They're Castle's kids. What did she expect?

"Your kids are nuts. Okay. Other bands, Castle."

He twists in his seat and chuckles at the kids, then turns back around. "I think I could say 90% of Ash."

"Ash?" Kate can't remember them at all. She usually keeps details in her head, like Castle mentioned with Jago. But Ash isn't there. "Do I know them?"

"Uh...yeah, you do. 'Vampire Love' from Meltdown for sure."

She hums to herself, trying to remember, but it's difficult to dredge up a song when music is already on. "Find it. Play it."

"Yeah, ok. Hold on." Castle fiddles with her iPod, then sighs. "You don't have it on here. I have it on mine. Trust me, you've heard it before."

"I don't think I have. It doesn't sound familiar-"

"Kate, you totally have. I know you have."

"Castle," she growls. "I haven't heard it. It's not at all familiar."

"Wait." He pauses the song and clears his throat, hums to himself for a second. "No. I can't possibly sing it. Arg. But you know it. I know you do."

"Castle, I said I don't know it. I remember this stuff. Unlike you. I play a song and the very next week, you're all bouncy and running in to tell me about this great song you just heard. And it's the *same* song I just played for you."

"I can't help it. A lot of your bands all sound the same to me. Maybe if you didn't listen to like 50 percent crap-"

"Don't you dare," she hisses at him, the whip of anger rising in her chest. "Don't you dare. It's my opinion. It's subjective, you big lug. I can have an opinion-"

"All I'm saying is, your opinion's wrong-"

"Seriously, shut the hell up."

His nostrils flare, but she clenches her jaw and narrows her eyes at the road, pushing out the urge to smack him. Hard. And damn it, she said 'hell' in front of her kids. She nearly called him an asshole, so maybe she's forgiven for-

"Mommy, you said the bad place." Dashiell's feet bounce against her seat.

Shit. "Castle," she growls.

"Mommy likes her music," Castle tosses back. Not at all helpful here.

They've had this same argument about books before, only it doesn't get quite this far. She usually capitulates to his theories about literature because he's a freaking published author, and somehow it feels like he's right. He's not right. It *is* subjective. She can love Mary Stewart's Gothic romance novels if she wants to, *and* she can hate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She can.

She hates it. All of it. It's not funny. No matter how many times she tries to read it, to appease him, she can't get past the first few chapters. She *hates* that novel. "It's not even funny," she mutters under her breath.

"Mommy, are you a cloud today?"

Ug. Called out by her four year old. "No, baby."

"Ellery's the baby. I'm almost five."

Ellie shrieks and Kate startles, nearly jerking the SUV off the road, heart pounding, and glances in the rear view mirror. But Castle is already twisted around in the passenger seat, controlling Ellery (seriously? controlling *Ellery*? That never happens.) and Dashiell is laughing hysterically.

"Dash. It's not funny," Castle growls at him.

"It is *so* funny."

Ellie growls too, a little girl growl that tugs at Kate's lips, makes her want to laugh like Dash. And that would be bad. Especially since it makes Dashiell growl back, and Castle is trying to calmly talk to them, the two kids going at it with animal sounds instead of actual words. Jeez. These kids.

"All right. Everyone hush. Right now," she calls back.

"Shut the hell up," Dashiell says loudly.

Shiiiip. As Castle would say. Ship, ship, ship. She needs a good stand-in for fu-

"Frak," Castle mutters, twisting back in his seat to look at her.

Frak. She clenches her jaw and rolls it around. Frak could work. Where does that one come from? Oh, she's also heard him say 'fudge' before too. Frakkin' fudge. Ship.

It doesn't have the ring that the curse words do.

"Dashiell. That's not a nice way to ask someone to be quiet," Kate says, grating at the hypocrisy in her own words. "We don't say that."

"You said it."

"I'm not four years old. I'm the mommy. Mommies get to say stuff to Daddies sometimes that-"

"That they shouldn't," Castle cuts in, shooting her a _what the hell are you doing?_ look. "Not even adults should say it, but sometimes when we're angry, it does come out. But we try to be better than that."

Dash grunts. "Mommy was angry at you."

"Still am," she hisses.

"Kate."

"Castle."

"Daddy?"

She could scream. Seriously. What she wants to do is pull over and kick them all out of the car, even Ellery with her crazy screeching, and then drive off.

Of course she's not going to do that. But it's a soothing daydream. For half a second.

Kate sighs. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it. It's not nice to be rude and hurt people's feelings just because you're angry. Do you understand, Dash?"

"Sure. But it feels good to say."

Yeah, this kind of conversation? She doesn't have the resources or the experience or the knowledge to handle. "Castle."

"Dash. Lots of things feel good, but aren't right. And then after you do them, then worst part is that it feels really really bad once it's over."

"Mommy do you feel really really bad now?"

No. Actually, she feels pretty damn good.

Well. Okay, that's not true. Consequences, right? That's what Castle is getting at. And these consequences? Dashiell blatantly cussing and saying he *likes* it? "Yeah, I'm feeling bad about it."

"Oh. Well I'm not feeling bad about it." More than a hint of defiance in his voice, a pleased tone under it all. Ellery squawks from her seat and Kate catches her little arm smacking Dash in the rear view mirror.

Castle is already turning around in his seat; Kate can see half of the glare he's leveling on their kids. It reminds her, inexplicably, of her father. He used to be able to quash her rebellion with just a look. Frak. Castle is as scary as her father was.

His voice is low and dangerous. "Ellery. No hitting. Dashiell. I can *make* you feel bad."

Kate feels the temperature in the whole car drop a few degrees, everything get very quiet. Then Ellery's little voice in stereo with Dash's whispered: "Yes, Daddy."

A hot flush of arousal jolts her; she has to keep her eyes on the road and seriously not look at him, seriously not look, but she snags his hand as he turns, squeezes it hard, tries to breathe as she drives.

That was hot. Steel and strength and control. The iron in his voice. Unrelenting. Serious. Jeez, she's messed up. Seriously messed up.

"No more bad words," Castle says softly.

She nods.

Yes, sir.

* * *

><p>Castle isn't exactly sorry for the quiet that reigns over the car during the remainder of their drive. He wishes he could take Ellery aside and explain to her that while he does love the fact that she's letting herself be heard, that is not the way to do it. Not with hitting and screeching. Actual words. He would also like to take Kate aside and ask her what the <em>hell<em> is going on with her. And yeah, he would use a bad word to do it.

A petulant conversation about music gets her riled up. Pissed instead of sexy angry. Too bad. He knows he basically disparaged her music choices, but it's not like she cares what he thinks about her music. He's the sappy, clingy *girl* in this relationship. He's the one who needs her approval for everything.

She makes all the decisions, all the plans, and he goes along with it. Mostly because he's a pretty laidback kind of guy, but also because he wants to do what she wants to do. It makes him happy to see her get what she wants. The reverse is not always true.

They have their issues about her steamrolling over him, like when she enrolled Dash in preschool without even asking him, and then just this week, arranging everything behind his back to push him into consulting with the precinct again.

So the first time he really pushes, and on music?-

Well, no, that's not entirely true. The first time he really pushed was when she got pregnant with Dash. He pushed hard. And she came around. She took her sweet time, but she figured it out.

When Kate parks the beast in the mall lot, she turns and gives him a long look. Hot. Aroused look. What in the world?

Castle lifts an eyebrow, his hand on the ipod to put it away. "Kate?"

She darts forward and jams her tongue down his throat, bites his bottom lip, licks at the raw place, wet and dirty.

When she pulls back, she wipes the back of her hand over her mouth and takes a ragged breath in, her cheeks burning.

"What was that?" he whispers, stunned and turned on and trying to wrap his brain around this development.

"Me being appreciative, Daddy." She slides the seatbelt off, opens her door, and hops out, leaving him floundering like a caught fish in the front seat.

Appreciative. Of?

Him?

Castle shakes his head, hides the ipod in the center console, then gets out as well, checking his back pocket for his wallet. He's got on jeans and a Green Lantern tshirt, but Kate looks cute in her skinny tights and draped shirt. Dress. Something. She's wearing a loose belt slung low over her hips, a necklace that hangs between her breasts, and she just kissed him like she wanted to slide over into his seat and straddle him.

And now she's letting Dash get out of the SUV, the keys in her hand, her other helping their son down, smiling at something Dash is saying to her. Her dark hair is pulled half back, just over her shoulders; she reaches up with the keys in her hand and brushes it back from her face.

As if nothing has happened. She's good at that. She recovers quickly. At least on the outside.

Okay. Well. Time to shop, right?

Stop thinking about her body in that outfit, how summery and lovely she looks, and the fight that somehow turned into 'appreciative' making out.

"Daddy," says an insistent voice.

Castle glances back to his daughter and laughs. "Sorry, Cricket. Mommy just has me distracted."

Ellery puts a little hand on his shoulder as he leans in, pats him gently. As if to say it's okay, she understands. And she just might.

He unbuckles her restraints and lifts her out of the seat, opting to carry her, striped tights and frilly skirt and pink sandals all. He shuts her door and hears the locks click immediately, then rounds the car. Kate and Dash are a few meters ahead of them already; Kate with the keys in her hand, pointed back towards the car, Dashiell skip-hopping.

The SUV honks with the alarm being set, making Ellery startle.

"Just Mommy locking the doors, Cricket," he says with a laugh.

"Chirp, chirp."

He laughs out loud, causing Kate to turn around and wait for them, a soft question in her eyes, hope and expectation.

"Say it again for Mommy, sweetheart," he whispers into Ellery's ear. "Be Mommy's little cricket."

As soon as they approach Dashiell and Kate, Ellery gives them all that clever and knowing grin, then leans her cheek against Castle's shoulder.

"Chirp, chirp. I a cricket, Mommy."

It paints Kate's face with joy.


	34. Chapter 34

Kate sits in the floor of the aisle with Ellery in her lap, her hands itching to take over the painstaking task of buckling the patent leather shoes. The girl's hair brushes her cheek as Kate bends over her, careful to keep her palms on her knees, watching the laborious work.

Ella sticks out her tongue and tries again. The shoes are round-toed faux suede in a rather bright mint green. Kate would never wear them, but Ellery picked them out with a lunge, nearly falling right out of Castle's arms for them. Like a Dashiell stunt. Speaking of-

Kate lifts her head and sees Dashiell clomping around at the other end of the shoe department, his feet pushed into something sort of resembling cowboy boots. Castle is trying to convince him that he will have to be flexible about the details of his space cowboy costume due to their limited resources. In New York, they might have been able to get something more in line with his father's outfit, but not here.

Dash seems to be loving the boots though. He kicks out at a stool and jumps, making growling noises. Kate turns her head back to Ellery. The shoes she's picked out to wear even have an inch and a half heel. Kate's not worried about Ellery walking in them; the girls wears Kate's shoes and has absolutely no trouble, plus her princess dress-up shoes have heels. It's the bright mint green that jars her. Almost turquoise.

"Hey, Ella, are you sure you don't want-"

Ellery turns and lays a fierce glare on her mother. "Mine."

"Oh, really?" Kate raises a confrontational eyebrow and plucks a shoe off Ella's foot. Neither strap has been managed. "We haven't paid for them. And Mommy and Daddy haven't said you could get them. They are not yours."

Ellery casts a longing look at the shoe in Kate's hand, then reaches out to stroke the fake suede of the heel. "Please, Mommy?"

Not even words will make Kate capitulate to greediness; she absolutely abhors the way her kids insist on having things. "They're expensive. They're hard to put on. You-"

"Mommy," Ella crawls up and twines her arms around Kate's neck, her little face pressed to her mother's cheek. "Please. I not fight Dash. Him fight. I not hit."

Okay, so her tolerance for adorable baby girl is lower than she thought. Kate hugs her daughter back and brushes a hand over her spine. "Let me help you put the shoes on, okay? Then we'll see."

Ella nods, back to silence it seems, and gets down to sit in Kate's lap. She sticks her foot up and Kate tugs the shoe on, then slides the buckle in place, keeping it snug. Ellery lifts her other foot and Kate makes short work of it, patting the girl's knees when she's finished.

"Okay, _moja ljubav_, try to stand up."

And of course, Ellery has absolutely no trouble scrambling to her feet and taking off down the aisle at a run, her hair flying out behind her. "See, Mommy? I skipping."

Sort of skipping. And where have all the words come from? Castle mentioned paying attention, using the ABC model that Dash's behavioral therapist gave them. Antecedent - Behavior - Consequence. But Kate can't see an antecedent for this behavior. Only that Ellery was about to get something taken away from her that she wanted. But that's happened before. Toys or movies or something of her brother's she shouldn't have. She never-

Well, Ellery wants the shoes because she is dressing up as her mother. And Kate's concentrated attention on just Ellery has yielded a handful of sentences. Dashiell is nowhere around to run interference.

A little bit depressing to think either it's Kate's fault for not giving her enough attention or Dashiell's fault for not shutting up long enough.

Ella comes flying back down the aisle and leaps into Kate's lap; she huffs out a breath and catches the girl, trying to keep from toppling backwards. And then something silly and entirely too Castle possesses her, and Kate lets herself be flattened, falling back with Ellery on top of her.

The girl makes a soft cry, her eyes wide, then giggles loudly as she looks down into Kate's face.

"You got me," Kate murmurs, on her back in the middle of the department store's shoe aisle. Ridiculous. And yet the warm weight of her daughter, the giggles escaping her mouth, the delighted surprise on her face more than make it worthwhile. She goes for the soft spots at the girl's sides, tickling, pushing kisses to Ella's cheeks, raspberries into her neck until her daughter shrieks and begs for her mother to stop, gasping.

"I got you, didn't I?"

"Mommy got me," Ellery says back, propping her head in her hands, panting, elbows against Kate's ribs.

Kate laughs and brushes the hair out of Ella's eyes. "I do. My sweet girl. You run pretty good in those shoes."

"I run fast. I chase bad men and catch 'em." Ella pushes her hair back out of her eyes with a hand. Those electric blue eyes. Rick's beautiful eyes staring out of her daughter's smiling face.

"You certainly caught me. I guess you want them for your Halloween costume."

"Please, Mommy."

"All right, _ljubav_, we can get them."

She gets a hasty smack on the lips, and then Ellery is crawling off of her. "Daddy, my shoes!"

Kate looks back and up, still on the floor, and sees Castle's upside down face. He looks entirely too amused.

"You found some shoes just like. . .uh, Mommy's," he finishes lamely, staring at the things on her feet. Kate laughs and moves to sit up, taking the hand that Castle holds out for her.

"Just like," she agrees, rolling her eyes where Ella can't see. Dashiell comes crowding into the aisle with his boots on.

"See mine, Ellie? I got boots. And Daddy found me suspenders. We gonna get guns next."

"Guns?" Kate says, shooting a look to Daddy. Her eyes narrow at him.

"I know the rules," he says, holding his hands up. "Dash does too. We're getting bright nerf guns. Or water pistols."

Doesn't make her happy that *both* her children want to dress up as gun-wielding characters-

Oh well, okay. Her child wants to go as her mother (ignoring the thrill that gives her). And her mother just so happens to carry a gun. Almost all the time. In fact, these past few days have been the longest she's been without the holster and weapon, and she feels it.

"Jonesing for a gun, aren't ya?" he says, stepping in close to kiss her mouth, his tongue fairly aggressive for the middle of the day in a shopping mall. "I can taste the need," he growls in her ear.

"It's only because of-" Kate stops short, flicks her eyes down to the little ears now comparing how high they can jump in their new shoes. "You know."

"I thought so. You had that look on your face every time you put it in the safe. I mean, you nearly gave the kids a bath with it on a couple months ago."

"I know." She growls a little back at him and presses her mouth to his, stealing his next accusing statement. "I need a gun range and an hour. But I also need my kids to *not* need a gun range. Get me, Castle?"

"I get you all kinds of ways-"

"Stop being smutty," she mutters, but kisses him again, softer.

"Ew, kissy face again. I'm telling Allie!" Dashiell clomps over in his boots and head-butts his parents apart.

"Lay off me, Dashiell," his father says, collaring him by the suspenders so they snap back. "I'm trying to get you a baby brother."

"You did NOT." Kate stares at him. aghast. "You didn't. He asked me that and I said no."

Castle laughs and shares a smirk with Dash, then glances back up to Kate. "I said maybe."

"It's a no, Castle."

"It's a 'you never know' sounds like to me."

"It's a 'you're sleeping on the couch' sounds like to me." She smiles prettily at him and lifts an eyebrow in challenge.

"Can I sleep on the couch with you?" Dashiell bounces on his toes, tugging at his father's sleeve.

"Mommy's kidding."

"Mommy is certainly not. You are. . .too potent for me," she hisses at him, stepping in close so that most of her words are lost to the kids. "Don't even hint that you're trying because - as we know all too well - it will happen."

"It's not like I was trying the first time," he says back, still laughing at her.

"This isn't funny. I'm not doing it again."

He laughs and presses his laughter into her mouth, kissing her softly, gently, with happiness she can't explain. It melts down her icy insistence and has her leaning towards him. Too potent. As always. She can't hold her own around him when he's like this.

"Kate," he murmurs.

It takes her a moment to come out of it, to figure out what she's doing and where. Ellery is hanging on to her leg now, Dashiell still trying to squirm between his parents, the two of them fighting over who gets to touch Mommy more.

"We should go," Castle says, giving her a silently laughing look.

"You did that on purpose."

"Maybe a little." He leans down and grabs Dashiell, manhandling him away from Kate. "Come on guys, let's look for the rest of your costumes. We need some accessories"

* * *

><p>Castle watches Ellery prance through the store in those lurid turquoise (sorry, Kate says they are technically mint green) shoes. She doesn't even trip. The ability must be genetic, because he's seen Kate run after suspects in four inch heels without so much as stumbling.<p>

Dashiell, on the other hand, tromps around like a T-rex through the forest, knocking into clothing racks and tripping over his boots. But he refuses to take them off, insisting that he likes them and they're cool. His stubborn face has more shades of himself than Kate really, and he can tell that she sees it too by the looks she throws him.

It takes relatively little time to pick out the right pants and shirts for the kids to wear, now that they have the shoes and suspenders and various other things. Kate hotly vetoes his idea to let Ellery wear a cowboy's holster for her outfit, but Ellery turns watery eyes on her mother and pleads - yes, with actual words - and Kate relents inch by furious inch.

Steadfast, rock-like Kate is kinda looking like a pushover today. Castle hoists their shopping bags over his shoulder as they leave the toy store inside the mall (where they picked up plastic guns with bright neon colors). His stomach growls as they pass the food court.

"Kate. Let's stop to eat-"

Ahead of him with Dashiell yo-yoing from her hand, skipping and bouncing and galloping, Kate turns around, jerked off balance by her son before she manages to address Castle.

"Sounds good. We're pretty much done, right? So inside the mall or outside?"

"They have Dairy Queen!" Dashiell chortles, releasing his mother's hand to dart off. Kate, in a oft-practiced move, snags him by the shirt as he goes by.

"Settle down."

"What else did we need? I know we're forgetting something."

Kate uses her free hand to push her hair off her face, glances around. "Oh. The swimsuits. But we're going to that surf shop, right? You wanted-"

"Yeah. Nearly forgot. Okay, let's head to the car then. Healthier choices out there, I think."

Kate gives him a pleased smile and steps closer, brushing her hand over his cheek and then kissing that spot. "What a good daddy."

"You're so patronizing."

"Mm. But it works for me."

"I'll say," he agrees, shaking his head. Ellery is dancing around them in her shoes, hopscotching from block to block in the tiled floor while Dashiell uses the railing around the food court tables to jump even higher. "All right, your kids are getting entirely too rambunctious, Kate Castle."

She laughs at him, but he sees the flare of both indignation and arousal at the back of her gaze, hears it deep in the throaty part of her laugh. She likes it. She hates that she likes it, but she really does like it. Different kind of thrill from when he calls her 'Detective' but they're equally good. For him.

"Baby brother here we come," he murmurs.

Kate pointedly ignores him, turns to hold her hand out to Ellery. "Come on, little jumping bean. Let's go."

Dashiell climbs off the railing at his father's command, but catapults himself into his family at top speed, managing to collide with all of them like bowling pins. He cackles and rights himself, dusting off his hands with a wince. Castle sees blood on his palm where he must have landed against Ellery's heels. Ha. Serves him right.

Kate has maintained her grip on Ella though, so both of them are still standing, if a little wobbly. Castle drops the bags to corral his son, taking him by the back of the neck.

"Settle down, Dashiell."

"But my engine is at high speed!" He bounces on his tiptoes and reaches up to cling to his father's neck, smacking Castle in the mouth as he does. Great. He's gonna have a fat lip. Good thing they're not in New York. Once when Dash socked him in the eye, entirely on accident, the gossip magazines got a photo of Castle and his black eye and speculated that Kate was abusing him. Castle had a good long laugh but Kate didn't think it was at all funny.

"Okay, but we need for your engine to shift into a lower gear, buddy. Medium engines right about now. How can I help you do that?"

"Big squeeze," Dashiell whines, clearly frustrated. "Hug, hug, hug, Daddy."

Castle wraps his arms around Dash, standing up as he does, squeezing past the point of a normal embrace, making sure he applies equal pressure across the boy's back. He can still feel the kid's excess energy buzzing under his skin; Dash wriggles and wriggles, as if trying to escape.

Kate has Ellery in her arms as she comes over to them, laying her hand on Dash's head and pressing down. Castle can feel Dash squirming for a second longer, and then his body relaxes a tiny bit, seems to stop fighting the deep pressure.

"Put your face against Daddy's chest," Kate murmurs, her fingers trailing through the boy's thick hair to the back of his skull.

Dashiell lays his head at Castle's heart; Kate flattens her palm and slowly increases the pressure against his skull. Castle pushes back as best he can without support behind him, feels Dash dissolve against him.

"Okay buddy, not too low. We still need you to walk around."

"I'm starving," he whispers. "Too low. Need fuel."

Ah, okay. That explains it. Castle is grateful for Dash's physical therapist, Lisa, who gave them this analogy, helped Dash figure out why his body and brain did the things it did. "Did you have a hard time figuring out you were hungry?"

"I'm so hungry," he whines, lifting his head up and nailing his father with pleading eyes.

Kate reaches down and grabs their shopping bags, Ellery hanging on to her neck as she scoops down.

"We're going to get lunch right now, buddy."

Kate gestures with her head towards the doors. "Got the keys?"

"Pocket." He still has Dashiell in his arms; the boy probably won't walk now, too lethargic in his hunger. Castle honestly can't remember how much the kid had for breakfast, if any at all. He was bouncing around from the time he woke up.

Castle shifts his son so he can get at his keys, but Kate's already moving around him, her fingers sliding into his back pocket.

She digs them out awkwardly, her arm clamped around Ella, her other hand carrying their bags.

"Okay, time for lunch, guys." Kate leans in and kisses Dashiell's cheek. "Love you wild man."

"I'm not wild now. Just sleepy. And hungry. I could eat a cow."

Kate and Castle share a laugh over his head. "Let's get this space cowboy some food," Castle says.

"Everyone's makin' a fuss!" Dash mutters, mimicking his father's favorite space cowboy show. He giggles and looks back at Kate. "Cap'n Tightpants, Mommy."

Kate's face goes bright red. Castle looks at her incredulously. "You let him watch it?"

"No." She turns her face away. "Not on purpose. We just. . .watched it together."

"Where was I?" Castle laughs. "I mean, usually the corrupting is my doing. I can't believe I missed out on yours."

She shakes her head at him, eyes narrowing but still guilty. "When Dash got chicken pox and I stayed home with him."

"Oh, the book tour. Sugar jets. Can't believe I missed that. Wait. How many episodes?"

Kate waves him off. "Lunch, remember? The details aren't important."

"Sure, sure, Kate." He gives her another incredulous look but follows her down the crowded concourse towards the doors to the parking lot. "What a terrible influence Mommy is on you all."

"We watched for hours, Daddy," Dashiell sighs happily. "The Reavers-"

"Kate!"

She's still bright red. "Mistake. I made a mistake. I just. . .he begged me to watch and we sat down and I thought I could fast forward, and I did, mostly. I mean, yes, I skipped through stuff. Castle, lay off."

He can't help laughing. It's not gonna scar the kid for life or anything. Obviously hasn't, except for this obsession with space cowboys lately.

"Daddy, sooooo hungry. Nothin in the 'verse can stop me! I'm gonna eat like a T-rex. Chomp, chomp, chomp."

"Okay, okay, we're going." But Castle is still laughing and he can see that Kate is too.


	35. Chapter 35

"O-kay, raise your hand if you. . .if your favorite color is red."

Castle pops his hand up just as Dashiell does. Kate sighs and shakes her head at them.

Dash grins and wriggles in his seat, crunching on an apple slice. "Raise your hand if your favorite color is black."

Castle raises his hand again.

Dashiell huffs, but Ellery giggles.

"Daddy, you can't have two favorite colors!"

"Sure I can. Black and red are both my favorite colors. Mommy looks goooood in both. How could I pick?"

Kate chokes on a laugh and leans her head against her hand; she is seriously not blushing. She is not.

"Oh. Well. Huh," Dashiell is stymied. Kate hopes this is the end of the 'Raise Your Hand' game. It's gotten old real fast.

"Castle - napkins?" She waves her hand towards the condiment and drink station, then indicates their messy daughter's hands and face. This wasn't what she had in mind when Castle said 'healthier' but at least McDonalds offers fruit instead of fries, and the kids don't know any better. Yet. That will surely change.

"Ah, yeah. One sec." He stuffs a huge bite of grilled chicken sandwich into his mouth and gets up, making fat-cheeks faces at Ellery as he goes, his drink in hand for a refill. The kids both have water. Thankfully, Dash is too taste sensitive to be able to stand anything that fizzes, so Ellery doesn't drink soda either. And maybe *that* won't ever change.

Kate shifts in the bench seat and brushes crumbs off Ella's face, getting a streak of mustard with her thumb and using the last of their napkins to clean it off. Ellery's eating nuggets and apple slices just like her brother, but she danced around and begged for a slice of cheese, so Castle sweet-talked some cheese out of the older lady at the McDonalds counter.

Dashiell chews another bite of his food, his mouth open, and Kate nudges his knee with her foot. "Close your mouth."

He chomps down and rocks back and forth in his swivel seat. He's sitting directly across from her with his father next to him to keep him in line. Dash swallows. "Raise your hand if-"

"Oh no, wait till Daddy gets back," Kate grins slyly. "He'll be so sad to miss it."

"Okay! Daddy, hurry!" Castle is already bringing back his tea and more napkins.

"I'm here. Let the games begin." Castle sits down and leans across the table to rub a clean napkin over his daughter's face, being extra silly as he does, covering her eyes, pretending to blow her nose.

Ellery giggles and leans on Kate's arm, her dried-mustard cheek against Kate's skin. She pushes a chicken nugget into her mouth and hums a song, twisting her hand in the air as if conducting.

"Baby, sit up and eat."

"Raise your hand if green is your favorite color."

Kate rolls her eyes and raises her hand; Castle's hand shoots up too, an eager look on his face just begging Dashiell to ask him why.

"Daddy!" Dash gives him a look.

Ellery comes out of her music-dreamland to giggle again, scoots forward in the seat to give her daddy a grin, her little bright face peeking up over the table, blue eyes adoring her father.

"I like Mommy in green too. And Mommy's eyes are sometimes green."

Dashiell gets to his knees in the seat and tries to lean across the table to look at his mother's eyes. He reaches out and grips her shoulder, his face peering intently.

"Mommy, are your eyes green?"

"Sometimes they look like they are. But they're brown like yours. Sit down before you fall."

Dashiell ignores her command to duck his head and study her eye color. "I think they're like maple syrup. For pancakes. With dark chocolate chips inside. Mmm. Can we have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?"

Dash twists to ask his father, but he stumbles in his seat, drops his hands to the table to catch himself. Kate's fish sandwich gets squashed under one hand; her unsweet tea knocked over. She grabs the cup, jerking it upright again before it can spill.

"Dashiell Hammett, sit down-"

"Oops. I crushed your lunch, Mommy."

"It's fine, little man. I can still eat it. Sit down for me, okay? I don't want you to-"

And at just that moment, Dashiell leans the other direction, his hand against the table slips, and he crashes forward into the empty space between their table and the next one. Kate lunges for him, but she's caught by Ellery's little body against her arm, only gets one hand at Dash's chest as he pitches forward.

She can do nothing to stop his fall.

His head smacks the other table; she feels the shock jar his body as he goes down, crumpled in the floor.

"Castle-!"

His father is already scooping him up, cradling him, hands skimming their son's body; Kate's heart is pounding; Ellery is still and small beside her. Kate anxiously half-stands, sees blood.

"Rick-?"

Dashiell opens his mouth and wails.

* * *

><p>"No. We don't need an ambulance," Castle insists again.<p>

The older woman from the counter, her manager, and the shift manager are all clustered around them at the table. Kate wraps her arms around Dashiell, a hand pressing blood-soaked napkins against the boy's forehead.

"We should call-"

"We're going to take him to that urgent care clinic. Look, get an incident report; I'll sign whatever. But we need to go."

Kate's grateful for the way he handles it, how he didn't even ask her what to do, just took over. She presses her cheek to Dashiell's; her heart still hasn't dropped back to its normal rate. Ellery is hanging on her arm, her fingers fluttering over Dashiell's knee and leg, trying to comfort.

Dash is quiet, which bothers her, his head tilted back against her shoulder. The blood still leaks out of his head; it's smeared down his face and stained his shirt. His skin is pale.

She keeps telling herself - head wounds bleed a lot.

Kate gently lifts the wad of napkins, but blood wells up; she presses the makeshift bandage back down.

"You okay, wild man?"

He nods, dislodging her hand; Kate tracks the gash in his forehead until he stills again and then presses the napkins back. She looks up at her husband. "Castle. Now."

He glances over at her from his pow-wow with the McDonalds staff, nods once. He's got a sheaf of papers in his hand and is scribbling his signature and initials all over it; she watches for a moment then turns her head to Ellery.

"Hey, baby girl. Dash is okay. We're gonna go get him stitches."

"I don't want stitches," Dash whines, something breathy and tearful in his voice.

"Stitches are cool," Castle says, coming back over to them. "Mommy and Daddy both have had stitches."

Dashiell swivels his head, but Kate manages to keep the napkins in place. She meets her husband's eyes and he nods, reaching down to grab their stuff, digging the keys out of the kids' bag, pulling it on over his shoulder, gathering Ella in his arms. He kisses their daughter's cheeks, her forehead, murmuring words to her; Kate's rush of gratitude overwhelms her again. He's taking care of things.

She stands slowly, her son heavy in her arms, gets her balance. Dashiell twists his face into her neck, which actually helps; she presses her cheek to the bandage and gets a better grip on him, her arms hooked together under his bottom. His legs tighten around her waist; a long, pitiful sigh comes out of his mouth.

"You're okay, my little man." She quickly presses her hand against his cheek, then follows Castle out of the McDonalds. "You're okay. I got you."

* * *

><p>Castle rubs his jaw. "Just get in between the two car seats, strap in."<p>

Kate hesitates.

"He's nearly five; it's just a booster seat. When Alexis was five, she didn't even have one. Seriously, Kate, you have to keep pressure on it-"

"I know that," she says, but she's not snapping at him, which makes him sad a little. If she weren't worried about Dash, she'd be rolling her eyes at him for stating the obvious. He nudges her towards the door.

"Don't have time to argue about it, Katie. Get in." Castle carries Ellery around to the other side, trusting that Kate will get in. He did use his dad voice on her. Heh. That usually works.

He buckles Ella into the seat, yanks on the safety restraints to check they're in good, and closes her door.

Sliding behind the wheel, he checks Kate and Dash in the rearview mirror. She's got the seat belt slung around both of them, their son cuddled into her chest. Blood has dried on her neck; it pushes a sick feeling through his guts and he has to look away.

He starts the SUV and pulls up the GPS on his phone, heads for the Urgent Care Clinic the McDonalds staff told him about. Castle keeps checking his mirror to see Kate, meeting her eyes when she happens to look up. Her anxiety is written all across her face; the lines of her mouth are deep.

He goes a little faster than he should, but he knows he's not the driver that Kate is. Maybe she should have-

"Castle."

"Yeah."

"I see it up there on the right, on your two. Low brick-"

"Got it." He checks his mirrors, changes lanes, and scratches at his jaw. A car sweeps past him, but he puts on his signal and turns into the Urgent Care Clinic.

Castle parks quickly, releases the locks, and hurries around to Ellery's side. "Come on, baby girl. Kate, you take her, and I'll carry him?"

"I got him."

He nods, pulls Ellery into his arms, untangling her from the straps as quickly as possible. Kate is sliding out the other side; she's put the booster seat in the floor so she can get out.

Once inside, with Dash's head still listless against Kate's shoulder, Castle signs them in and takes back a sheaf of papers to the waiting room seats where Kate is. Ellery clings to his neck and watches silently as he scribbles in their information.

"Daddy," comes a pitiful voice.

Castle looks over at Dash. "Hey, buddy."

"My head feels hot. And big."

"Castle-" Kate says; he can hear the worry in her voice but he shakes his head once at her.

"You'll be okay, little man. We're gonna get you stitched up. It feels like that because your body wants to help make it better."

"I don't want stitches."

"You don't even know what they are." Castle pokes his arm with the pen, tries to get him to smile. "Stitches are cool. You'll get an awesome scar. I've got some cool scars too."

"You have stitches?"

"I did. Mommy too. They take them out or they fall out after awhile. Don't worry."

"Where?"

"Where what?" he says distractedly.

"Baby, let Daddy fill that out first."

Dashiell sighs at his mother's request, but doesn't push it. Castle glances over at him, but he really does look fine. Just being melodramatic. As usual. The fall scared him, the blood probably scared him too. And it's for sure scared Kate.

Ellery climbs down and gets up in the seat next to her mother and brother, pats Dashiell's back, leaning against Kate.

The moment Castle returns the paperwork, the nurse comes out of the clinic door and calls Dashiell's name. Kate stands, gestures to Ellery, and Castle nods.

"I got her. We'll wait."

Dashiell makes a pitiful noise and holds his arms out for Castle. "I want Daddy to come."

Kate stops, glances to the nurse. "Okay. Here Daddy, you take Dash. Ella and I will-"

"I want Mommy *and* Daddy. No one stay out here; everyone with me. All my people."

The nurse smiles at them. "It's fine. There's room, if you want."

Castle goes back to the chairs and scoops up Ellery again. He glances to Kate.

She bites her lip. "Should little one see-?"

Castle shrugs. Ella's not afraid of blood; she watches Dashiell's rather violent dinosaur movies. She might think it's super interesting, or she might bury her face in his neck.

"All right Dash. All your people are heading back with you," he says, following behind Kate and the nurse. "I promise. Stitches are super cool."

* * *

><p>When the doctor suggests that someone hold Dashiell's head, Kate turns sharp eyes to Castle, pleading, and so he steps up. His fingers at his son's neck, palms at his ears, Castle holds Dash's head still.<p>

"This way Mommy can hold your hand," Castle murmurs as Dash starts to protest. "Right, Mommy?"

Kate leans forward in the chair and wraps her fingers around Dash's left hand, pressing her lips against his skin. "I got you, baby."

"Kate-" He nods to Ellery, and Kate manages to catch the girl before she tilts out of the chair in an effort to see better.

"Baby girl, you need to sit down," Kate says. Steel in her voice. Ellery sinks back down to the chair with a huff.

The doctor holds up a blue drape. "Okay, big brother. Mom and Dad are right here, so is little sister. I've got this sheet I need to put over your face so we can be sure to keep everything clean. It means you won't be able to see much. Is that ok?"

"No," Dash whimpers as the sheet comes into his line of sight. The doctor pauses, glances to Castle.

Castle strokes the boy's jaw. "It's okay, buddy. It won't hurt."

"No. I want to see your stitches. And Mommy's. First. Do that first." Dashiell's little chest thrums with breathless anxiety. "Please, Daddy?"

Castle jerks his head to Kate. She pushes Ellery off of her and stands up, brushes her fingers along Dash's chest. "I'll show you one of my scars, okay baby? And then another after it's all done. How about that?"

"Daddy?"

"I'll show you where I got stitches, but you've seen it before buddy."

"That big knot on your leg?"

"Well, yeah, okay that one too. Forearm. And my wrist. Me and Mommy match there." He shivers and glances to Kate, but when her eyes finds his, he can see she's managed to find her center. Calm and still.

"Mommy."

"See?" Kate says, lifting her wrist up so that Dashiell can see her skin. "Right here." Castle lets Dash lift his head off the exam table so that he can see the silver-white rope of skin at the base of her palm, the loop of the scar around her wrist.

From being bound with wire. He remembers that. Wishes he didn't.

"Did you fall off your chair too, Mommy?"

"Ah. No baby, I didn't." Castle waits, but Kate doesn't offer anything else.

"Daddy, you match?"

Castle moves his hand away from Dash's ear and shows him the fain line that circles his wrist, then the one in his forearm. "See? We match. You'll get a cool scar on your forehead. And look-" Castle leans over and points to the scar over his left eyebrow, on his own forehead. "You and I can match too. I knocked my head into one of your Grams's pieces of scenery."

Dash doesn't look much happier about his stitches. "Mommy has more too?"

"Yeah, baby," Kate sighs, giving Castle another look - _What have you gotten me into?_

"When I'm done, you'll show me?"

Kate brushes her fingers down Dashiell's arm, takes his hand again. "When you're done."

Castle nods to the doctor, who has been waiting patiently (kind of shocking), and the man brings in the cloth once more.

"All right, brother. Here comes the sheet. Whoosh, just like that, good boy."

Castle strokes Dash's neck as the blue cloth goes over the boy's face. Just the patch of broken skin remains open to the air. The doctor returns with a needle and Castle raises his eyebrows and looks away, his eyes finding Kate's.

She watches long enough to give him a grim nod, then looks away herself, her eyes on Ellery. "Sit down, baby girl. I don't want you getting stitches too."

"All right, brother, you're going to feel a pinch and then it's going to start feeling kind of funny. Tingly. You got him, Dad?"

Castle can practically feel the kid trembling, but he doesn't even flinch under his father's hands. Castle opens one eye and glances back at the doctor in time to see him turn away again. Must be done with the local anesthetic then. He relaxes and takes a deep breath, feels Dash do the same.

"You're doing good, buddy. Really good."

"Feels funny."

"It's supposed to."

"My head is going to float away."

Castle laughs. "No, buddy, don't worry. It won't. I'm holding on to it."

A sigh of relief. "Thanks, Daddy."

Kate quirks her eyebrow at him, then quickly shuts her eyes again. Castle glances over his shoulder and sees the doctor coming back with sutures and a -

a needle. That is just. Just a needle. Holy crap.

They really do sew people up. With thread.

And a needle.

Shiiii-

"All right, brother, Mom, Dad. I'm going to suture his forehead with some really great thread. The stitches will need to stay dry for 48 hours, but after that, they can get wet. I know you're on vacation, probably for the beach, right?"

"All the waves," Dash murmurs.

"So you can get them wet, just make sure you pat them dry when you get out, try to keep sand out of them."

While he talks, the doctor has already started lacing the wound back together. Castle can't help but look, watch the skin tug up with the thread, the ragged edges of the wound meeting together again. It bleeds at first, but as the suture grows, such neat tiny stitches, the bleeding stops.

"Why is he tugging on my eyebrows?"

"He's stitching you up."

"Oh. I don't feel it!" Dashiell moves as if he's going to sit up, but Castle holds him down.

"You're not supposed to feel it. Stay still."

"Mommy, did you feel it when you got stitches?"

"No, little man."

"Daddy, did-"

"Nope. Now hush and lay still. He's almost done." Castle glances back to Kate but she's steadfastly refusing to look. Kate never has a weak stomach. He wonders why now.

The doctor snips the ends, leaving Dash's forehead with a line of neat stitches, looking like a puckered, sewn-up mouth. Yeah, Castle writes too many mystery novels, has seen too many dead bodies.

"All right, brother. You're nearly finished. Let me cover it for you." The doctor applies a white sterile pad and peels paper off the sticky ends, almost like a big band-aid right over the wound.

"Okay, Dad, you can let him up. Slowly." The doctor removes the blue sheet, peels his gloves off, throws everything into a biohazard bin.

Dashiell sits up, Castle trying to control his ascent, and the boy sways for a second before blinking his eyes. He raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes back as if trying to see the stitches.

"I'll have the nurse give you a handout on wound care, though it sounds like you two are old pros at stitches."

Kate gives the doctor a tight smile. "Unfortunately."

Castle picks Dashiell up from the exam table, rubs his back. He can see bruises around the area where his head was cut, a bruise on his cheek. "How you feel, Dashiell?"

"Good. Doesn't hurt."

"It might later. And it'll itch, especially if you do get them wet," the doctor warns. "Go right on through there and stop off at the desk. 48 hours" He hands Castle the medical file. "Good luck, big brother. No more swan dives off furniture, okay?"

"What's a swan dive?"

"Jumping." Kate picks up Ella from the seat and heads out the door. "It's what you do all the time."

Castle follows with Dashiell, whose fear has melted into bravado. "These are cool. My forehead is funny. It pulls. Mommy where's your stitches?"

"I'll show you when we get home."

"Show me now."

"Baby, I can't." Kate turns at the desk and glares at Castle. Right, yes, his fault for promising that. Her scars are on her inside thigh. Uh...

"What about when we get to the condo instead?" Dashiell says, leaning his head against Castle's shoulder as he tries to fill out the last of their paperwork. He hands over the medical file to the nurse.

"That's what I meant, baby. When we get back. My jeans cover it up right now."

"Did it hurt?"

"What?" Kate frowns at their son while Castle pulls out his credit card to pay. "Getting stitches? I told you it didn't."

"No, what you did. You didn't fall?"

"No. I didn't fall."

"You match Daddy. Did you do both fall at the same time?"

"It was at the same time, but we didn't fall. That's enough questions, Dashiell. I'll tell you more at home."

Castle turns his head to Kate, startled, his fingers paused in the middle of signing his name to the receipt.

"You will?" he asks, bewildered by her.

"I will. It's fine." Kate levels her gaze on him as if to remind him that this is all his fault anyway.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kate."

"It is what it is. Better now than later, maybe."

Castle sets his jaw, puts his credit card back in his wallet, shoves it into his back pocket. Kate takes the receipts and the care plan for the stitches, folds them up and shoves them into the kids' bag. Ellery is watching her brother with sharp, interested eyes.

Castle points to the door, narrowing his eyes at Kate. She gives him a look right back. "Let's go. We'll talk about this later."

Dashiell's arms come around Castle's neck with a squeeze. "I won't swan jump anymore, Daddy."

"Wild man, we can only hope."


	36. Chapter 36

Kate sits between the two kids in the backseat, one hand stroking the hair off of Dash's forehead, careful to avoid the bruise swelling up, the other hand sifting through the wound care information. She moves back and forth between the two.

"He didn't even mention this," Kate murmurs softly, lifting her eyes to Castle's profile.

"What's that?" he whispers.

Ellery is close to nodding off beside her, and Dashiell is fighting sleep as well. Ella keeps her eyes glued on them though, blinking through it.

"It lists the signs for a concussion. The doctor at the clinic didn't say anything about him having a concussion."

"He did examine his eyes, Kate. If he had a concussion, or symptoms, he would have told us."

"Yeah, but-"

"I think he'll be fine. You mostly broke his fall. He just glanced off the side of the table."

Kate sighs. "Still. Maybe he shouldn't n-a-p."

"It might be good to have a rest though," Castle murmurs back, turning slightly to look at her. "Chill out for an hour or so. Little one's ready to go."

Kate glances to the little girl, lifts her hand from the packet of papers to stroke a finger along Ellery's cheek. She stirs, eyes immediately training on Kate's. What her gaze lacks in intensity, it makes up for in determination. Might be difficult to get her down, but she clearly needs it.

"N-a-p for this one," Kate says gently.

Castle parks in the lot of the condominium and turns off the ignition. Dashiell doesn't move; his eyes are drooping.

"Rick?"

"Yeah." He turns around and lays his hand on her knee, rubbing his thumb up and down over her jeans. Her chest eases.

"You'll have to get him. He's gone."

"Sure. You got baby girl?"

Kate nods, leans over to brush her mouth across his, stroke the side of his face. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She shouldn't have to explain; she doesn't want to explain. How stupid would it sound? Thanks for being a man?

Instead, she kisses his cheek. "For you."

Kate breaks away from him and moves carefully over Ellery's seat, opening the door from the inside. She can hear Castle getting out as well, starts working on the straps holding her daughter in. Ellery's eyes are on her, watching, her little fingers curled around the straps. Kate gently maneuvers her out of the restraints, pulls her daughter up into her arms, kisses her warm cheek.

Ellery's arms come around her neck tight, tighter than Kate expected from the sleepy girl. She rubs her daughter's back and murmurs love into her ear, shutting the car door softly. Castle has Dash already bundled into his arms, the bag over one shoulder, and he holds out a hand to her, waiting on her.

Kate shifts Ella into her right arm and takes Castle's hand with her left, squeezing. She can't maintain the grip for long without needing both hands to carry her girl, but Castle leans over and kisses her temple, all four of their heads close together for an instant. Kate keeps her eyes on Dash as they head into the building, his tired and bruised face, the dark line of stitches marring his forehead. It hurts to see; hurts her like she never really knew it could.

He's gotten beaten up and knocked around before. He's a wild little kid. Accident prone. He goes at life full tilt; he reminds her of Rick. Martha says they're just alike. Kate has seen him with bruises and scratches and lumps to the head; she's picked him up and pushed him on, ignored his dramatics and his theatre. Maybe because he's so still and quiet now, like Castle is when he's truly hurt - maybe it's the unnaturalness of having him at rest.

"You feel okay, baby?" she asks, reaching out a hand to quickly brush the hair off his forehead. The pale cheeks, the dark eyes - his thin face and the bruises. Makes her hurt.

The elevator doors close and the lift starts to rise.

"Yeah," he sighs. "I'm okay. I bounce back."

She huffs a laugh, knowing he's heard that straight from her own mouth before. Her anxiety buffets her in waves, like an ocean, swelling up and then disappearing, dragging her down or leaving her dry. She feels Castle's gentle look on her, tries to maintain her calm. It's just stitches. He really will be fine.

Once they get upstairs, Kate vacillates in the doorway, watching Castle take her son further down the hall and into the boy's bedroom. Kate's still got Ellery in her arms and she needs to put her down first. Then she can go to Dash, make sure he's truly all right. Check his eyes herself, make sure he's not concussed.

When Kate steps inside the dim room that her daughter's been sleeping in, she notices the clothes scattered over the floor. Ella must have not let Dash help her pick her clothes; Dash likes things in place. Kate steps over a shoe and an abandoned Totoro, then leans over the bed and lays the girl down.

Ellery's arms stay clenched tightly around Kate's neck, preventing her from getting up. Kate slides to her knees and leans in, kissing Ellery's cheeks, her frowning mouth, her closed eyes. "Time for rest, baby girl." She lifts her hands to Ella's arms and starts to tug them apart.

Ellery makes a mewling noise and lifts herself into Kate, her cheek to her mother's, not letting go. Kate draws an arm around her, kisses her hair, the side of her face, rubbing her hand up and down Ella's back. Still, her daughter doesn't let go, makes those noises at the back of her throat.

"Hey, baby." Kate sits on the bed and lets Ellery climb into her lap, wraps both arms around her. "It's naptime, darling girl. You're tired. You need to sleep."

But Dashiell doesn't. She wants to make sure Castle doesn't let him fall asleep. Just in case. Ella needs to go to bed.

"Mommy," Ellery whispers brokenly against her ear.

Kate jerks, arms tightening around the girl, then pulls back to look at her daughter's tight, anxious face. "Oh, baby, okay. Okay. It's okay. Dash is fine. He's fine. It scared him, and there was a lot of blood, but he got all stitched up."

Ellery doesn't let go of Kate's neck, even though she's only pulled back far enough just to see the girl. Her mouth twists when Kate's hands move to detach her.

"Ella, love, you need to nap. You'll feel better when you've gotten some sleep. You like to sleep a lot; it makes you a happy girl."

Ellery lets out a little sob and wraps her legs around Kate, trembling now, and Kate's heart twists and breaks open. She lays down in the bed, curls around her daughter, cradling her, face to face, stroking the tears off her cheeks, keeping her close. "Okay, hush, baby girl. You're okay."

Ella's little hand works free of their bodies and reaches up to catch Kate's wrist. Her little fingers stroke the scar there; Kate's heart skips.

"Mommy," Ella says raggedly.

"Oh no, no, baby. Mommy's fine. Daddy's fine. Dash is fine. It happens; it's okay. Just - just an accident. Okay?" God, it's a lie, it's a lie, and Kate doesn't even care. "Sometimes we get hurt, but it doesn't hurt for long." Whatever she tells Dash, she'll have to tell Ellery too. The girl is just too smart, too clever; she takes in too much, her little ears hear everything. She makes connections; she gets it.

"Mommy stay."

"I will. I'm staying right here. Okay?"

Ella nods and releases her wrist, burrows closer. Kate reaches back into her pocket and pulls out her phone, texts Castle.

_Laying down with Ella; don't let Dash fall asleep longer than an hour._

She sets her phone to vibrate and puts it back in her pocket; Ellery is snug and warm against her chest. She can feel the girl's fingers at her neck, softly exploring, little thumbs brushing her collarbone.

When her phone buzzes, Kate pulls it back out, checks the message.

_You're hilarious. I'll stay with Dash._

Which isn't entirely reassuring, Castle thinking a concussion is funny, but at least he won't leave his kid alone. Kate leans over Ellery and puts her phone on the bedside table. A little arm snakes around her neck to hold on.

"I'm not leaving," Kate murmurs, running her hand down Ella's leg. She pulls the girl's shoes off slowly, drops them over the side of the bed, then tugs the girl's skirt off. Her striped leggings and tshirt will be fine, shouldn't make her too hot. Kate toes off her own shoes as well, pushes them off the bed with her feet, hearing them drop to the floor.

Ella's lashes brush against Kate's chest; she rubs a hand up and down the girl's back, lets her cling for awhile yet. She realizes suddenly that Ellery quit talking the moment Dash hit his head. The moment Kate's attention diverted solely to her son. She sighs, closes her eyes in the room, wishes there were two of her. A Kate to go in and cuddle her first baby, her son, and a Kate to stay here with confused and needy Ella.

How was Kate to know? She couldn't know. Her daughter doesn't speak, doesn't lift her voice and ask for what she needs. Dashiell has no trouble demanding her attention and her time. And to be honest, Kate's never been good at reading her family's minds. Rick's, Ella's. Kate has been assuming all along that Ellery is a little version of herself, independent and in no mood to be coddled. And she is, most times. She just. . .she needs Kate like a Castle. Of course she does; she's got half his genes, doesn't she? There's going to be a part of Ella that clings.

And then Kate remembers how her own mother used to lay down with her at bedtime, their faces so close on the pillow, the smell of her mom in the room - lotion and the day's sweat and the last of her perfume that lingered in the crease of her neck. She can almost smell it again, and with that sense of smell comes the overwhelming neediness, the goodness and warmth, of how it felt to want her mother there, to want her mother to never go.

_Don't leave, Momma._

Oh, wow.

Kate leans her head back against the pillow and blinks, feels Ellery moving against her, lifting up, crawling up closer even. Kate glances back down, watches her daughter, wonders if her mother is somewhere watching her daughter as well, her granddaughter.

_Don't let me screw this up._

Ellery's fingers come again to Kate's wrist, then her other one; she brings them together, makes them meet. Kate sighs. She will have to say something.

"Before you were born," she starts softly, and Ellery's head swivels up to look at her, hair tangled around the pillow. She knows the start of a story.

"Hey baby, you want hear this story? I'll tell you before I even tell Dash. How's that?"

"Yes," Ella whispers, her little fingers wrapped around both Kate's wrists. "Me first, Mommy."

"Before you were born, even before your brother was born, Daddy worked with me. At the police station."

"Daddy a cop?"

Kate grins, watches the suspicion play over her daughter's face. Hmm, not so different from herself then, is she?

"Kind of. He mostly stayed with me and wrote books. You know my books-?"

"Oh. Mommy's books. No touching."

"Yeah, you guys aren't supposed to touch them because they're special. Daddy got to be a detective with me for awhile so he could write me those books. They're my favorites."

Ellery hums and wriggles down in Kate's arms, releasing her mother's wrists. Kate strokes the hair back from Ella's face, out of her eyes.

"So Daddy helped me chase down bad guys. Actually, when you and Dash go to school next year, Daddy will get to come back and help me again."

Ellery doesn't even seem to care; she is smiling a little bit again, her fingers are tracing over Kate's shirt, around and around, circles on Kate's collarbone.

"One time me and Daddy caught a bad guy, but we both got hurt. Like Dash did today. So we had to have stitches. But stitches are good; they look funny, but they help you heal. Like a band-aid does. You know those Totoro band-aids you got for Christmas or your birthday last year?"

Ellery nods.

"So stitches are okay. It's like a better band-aid. Sometimes you get hurt and don't even need a band-aid. Remember that papercut Dash got last week and he was jumping around and howling and moaning about it? And Daddy told him, 'That's what you get for messing with the stuff on my desk.'" Kate imitates Rick's lower voice and makes Ella giggle. "But he didn't get a band-aid. And then right after that, you skinned your knee on the swings?"

"Band-aid," Ella says.

"Yup, exactly right. Smart girl. So this time, Dash hit his head and the band-aid wouldn't work. So we went and got him stitches. Daddy did a good job being calm and getting us to the doctor, didn't he?"

"Daddy."

"But Mommy wasn't very calm, huh? Sorry, baby. I don't like to see you guys get hurt. Even if it's a papercut, even if it's your poor knee. But it happens. Everybody gets hurt. It's okay. It heals."

"It heals," Ella murmurs, then lifts a hand and brushes her fingers over Kate's wrist lying across the girl's little belly. "Where other ones, Mommy?"

"On my leg. You've seen them, baby. When I wear my swimsuit on the beach. Right about here." Kate brushes her thigh and Ellery lifts up from her mother's arms to bend down and kiss her leg.

"All better."

Just that easy.

Kate grins at her little girl and wraps her back up in her arms, kissing her cheek. "You're right. All better, my sweet girl."

And then in the warm darkness, Kate realizes it is that easy. Rick did the same for her, five years ago.

He kissed her, and he made her all better.


	37. Chapter 37

Castle sits on the side of Dash's bed and waits a moment longer before getting up. The television is on with cartoons going, and Dash is fine. He's watching his favorite - "Gotham City" - and rubbing his fingers over his blanket, around and around. He'd probably stick his thumb in his mouth if he thought he could get away with it.

"Hey man, I'm going to run down to the car and get our Halloween stuff out. You good?"

"Yeah," Dash says absent-mindedly, eyes on the screen.

"Mommy's next door if you start to feel bad."

"Okay."

"Dash."

Silence.

"Dashiell. I need your attention." Castle shifts to block Dashiell's view and his son's eyes slowly refocus.

"Daddy, I can't see."

"Listen to me for a second. I'm running to the car. If you start to feel sick, or funny, go get Mommy. She's lying down with your sister."

"Okay."

"Repeat it back to me."

"Go get Mommy if I feel sick."

"And where's Mommy?"

"Uh. . ."

"With Ella."

"With Ella."

Castle shakes his head at Dash and leans in closer to ruffle his hair, avoiding the stitches. "All right, my man. Watch Batman. That's one of my favorites too."

Castle takes the key card from the entry table, heading for the elevator, car keys still in the pocket of his cargo shorts. He taps the card against his thigh as the lift descends, then hurries through the lobby towards their rental. Midway through the parking lot, he's stopped by his name being called.

He jerks around, sees Vickie and two of her kids waving at him. Well, the little girl is waving, Graham is just giving him a head nod. Castle takes a moment to jog towards them, putting on his best smile.

"Hey there."

"Rick, nice to see you again."

"You guys do some shopping as well?" he says politely, indicating the bags in her hands.

"Oh we did. Halloween costumes."

"Ha. Yeah, us too. Had a little mishap as we got to lunch though-"

"Oh no! What happened?" Vickie puts a hand over her mouth, regarding him with sympathetic eyes. The girl is dancing from foot to foot over the striped lines of the parking space, ignoring them. Graham, however, seems alert to the conversation - he's the oldest, Castle remembers, the one who patiently teaches his younger brother.

"Dash fell at McDonalds, cut open his head. We had to go to Urgent Care and get him stitches." He's smiling, which gives Vicky permission to smother a laugh behind her hand.

"Oh no. Well. We have a similar story. Tate ran into a wall on one of our vacations. He was excited about something and was running in to tell Graham and he just - smacked right into the corner. Bounced off, kept going. But Graham saw this blood-drenched mess coming at him and screamed-"

"I did not!" Graham says hotly, his cheeks burning. "I was only five."

"Honey, it's nothing to be ashamed about."

Castle grins over at Graham. "I'd probably scream if some kid was running full tilt at me and bleeding as much as Dash was today."

"Oh, I hope he's feeling okay?" Vickie offers, reaching out and patting his shoulder. She jerks her hand back with a blush, opens her mouth but can't seem to find words.

Castle laughs, grins like an idiot at the resurgence of her fanhood. It still strikes him funny sometimes. Moreso now than it used to, because Kate just keeps him so very grounded that he often forgets; he really does. So when a random person looks so awed to be in his presence. . .yeah, it tickles him.

"You're fine. Dash is doing good. What are you guys doing the rest of the afternoon? Cause he can't get his stitches wet and I was thinking if you guys wanted to go into town and play miniature golf, arcade games, something? It'd be good for him."

Graham's face lights up. "Oh. Oh, Mom - can we? Tate's getting antsy about the water."

The little girl screws up her face and hops over. "I don't wanna play video games," she whines, clutching her mother's arm.

Castle bends over to meet her eyes. "Well, if you don't mind looking out for my little Ella, then I bet the girls could go to the pool or something."

"Oh, Mr. Castle-" Vickie starts, but Rick stands back up and shakes his head.

"Hey, seriously. You'd be doing us a favor. Your husband and I can take the boys into town; the girls stay here. That way Dash doesn't know he's being kept from the ocean; it won't look quite as unfair if he's got buddies. Also, his birthday is Halloween, so if you guys have any good ideas about what to do-"

"Oh yeah, for sure! We go to this church Trunk or Treat thing every time we come down here."

"Oh? Good. That's what we do at home." Castle gestures to his car. "I've got to get stuff out of the back, but what time is good for you guys? For Tate?"

Vickie's face flushes with gratitude, and Castle knows enough now to realize that it's because he specifically mentioned accommodating her special needs son.

"Depends. If we can get the details worked out right now so that Tate knows where he's eating dinner afterwards, then he should be good. But if dinner is up in the air-"

"So long as we avoid McDonalds, I don't care where we eat."

Vickie laughs. "Here, I hope this isn't too forward, but let me give you my cell number. You can call whenever things settle out with you guys. Just. . .let us know when and where and we'll be there."

"Sure. Yeah. That's perfect." Castle pulls out his phone and enters her information; she even gives him their condo's room number. Castle doesn't offer his own in return - years of habit - and she doesn't seem to mind. He'll call their phone from the condo's land line most likely.

He parts from the three of them, heading for the SUV, pulls out their bags. He's pretty sure Kate and the woman got along; in fact, he thinks Kate could use some more girl friends. Women friends. Whatever. Lanie and his mother are great, of course, but he does often wonder what has happened to Maddie or any number of others over the years. Kate might enjoy this girl time too.

When Castle gets back upstairs, he checks the clock and heads back into Dashiell's room. The boy is still awake, watching cartoons, so he kneels down next to Dash's bed and waits for a commercial.

"Hey, buddy."

Dashiell rolls onto his side, tucks a hand under his cheek. "Hey, Daddy."

"Remember our friends we met on the beach? Tate and Graham and Claire? And they taught you how to surf?"

Oh, surfing. Shoot. They were going to get Ella some new swimsuits and sign up for lessons. Maybe they can still squeeze that in after Ellery naps. Before arcade games.

"Yes. I 'member."

"You want to do something with them tonight? Just the boys. We can maybe play arcade games or putt-putt."

"Can I play the shooting games?" Dashiell asks, lifting his head and scrambling into a sitting position.

"We'll have to see what Mommy says."

"But I'm sick. I should get-"

"You're not sick. You're wounded. If you try pulling that on Mommy, she'll never go for it."

Dashiell tilts his head as if remembering something. "Where's the stitches?"

"Oh. Right. Mine on my leg. Here, look." Castle draws up the leg of his shorts to show Dashiell the round, white scar where the blade dug through. It seems more silvery than he remembers.

Dashiell peers down through the darkness, then rubs his fingers over it. "I've seen it before."

"You've seen your mom's too."

"I have?"

"It's on her leg too."

"Matching." Dashiell grins up at him, like it's some kind of cool thing, and Castle gets a strange shiver of memory, sense memory, down his back. Blade and her whimpering, the smell of fish and blood. No picture, but no image is necessary to make his stomach churn.

Castle nods and stands up, is pleased that there's no effort needed to shake that off. "So. You feel like hanging out with Tate and Graham and their dad? The girls will stay here."

"Yup."

"Okay. Settled. I'm gonna check on Ella and tell Mommy the plan."

"I'm gonna watch Batman," Dashiell says with relish, then abruptly turns his eyes back to his father. "Isn't Mommy going to tell me the story?"

"Oh. Yeah. I think so. I'll remind her." Ha. He will do no such thing. It's not necessary that his son know this stuff.

Castle leaves the kid to his cartoons and walks through the connecting bathroom into Ellery's dim room. He makes out the two girls asleep on the bed, Ellery cuddled close, her mother wrapped around her.

Kate's phone is on the bedside table, one hand stretched out under Ella's body as if reaching for it, but the two are nose to nose, beautiful and completely out. Still, Kate's not one for naps, so Ellery must've been upset. Castle gets to his knees beside the bed and reaches out to stroke softly at Kate's shoulder, skimming the warmth of her skin.

She stirs; her eyes flicker open. Awareness washes in, and Kate glances down at Ella, relaxes when she sees the girl is asleep.

"Hey," he murmurs, barely even a voice. He draws his palm up and cups her cheek, leans past his daughter so he can kiss his wife awake.

Her lips pull back from his in a smile, return for another kiss, retreat on another smile, like the rhythm of the ocean itself. "Hey," she says back.

"Wanna talk out there?" he says, gesturing towards the door.

"No. I can't leave her alone."

Oh. Castle glances down at his little girl, takes his hand from Kate to brush the hair off Ellery's face. "Was she upset?"

"Yes. Scared and sad. Very sad. I think she understood."

"Understood what?"

"What we weren't saying."

He watches little Ella breathing in her sleep, the soft slack face, the dimple in her chin that sometimes mimics his own. "What do you mean?"

"I think she was afraid for Dash, and it was scary at first. But she was fine in the clinic. She wanted to watch, remember? And then when we started comparing our scars, she got upset."

"Oh. A little theory of mind there? She knew we had to have been hurt in order to have scars?"

"I think so. It's the only thing that makes sense. Or maybe she just wanted my attention. Either way, I've got to be here when she wakes."

"All right," he sighs and places a kiss to Ella's cheek. She sleeps right through it of course. "I met up with Vickie and two of her kids in the parking lot."

"The parking lot? Oh, the bags. I forgot-"

"I got them. Anyway, the boys are gonna head into town this afternoon and play some arcade games, maybe some putt-putt, then eat dinner somewhere. The girls can stay here and go to the pool or the beach."

Kate sighs softly and closes her eyes on a smile. "Oh, Castle. Good idea."

He laughs softly, reaches over to caress her cheek. She already looks summery and healthy and glowing, and it's only been a few days of sun and vacation. "I know. I'm full of good ideas, babe."

"I'll even let that go."

"Well, we could hold tryouts again, darlin'," he murmurs.

Her eyes slide open, her hand that has been outstretched under Ellery's limp body now curls up and strokes the skin at the back of his arm. "Call me darlin'," she drawls. "And you die. Slowly."

"Best way to go." Castle grins, then crawls up over the two girls and into bed behind Kate. She huffs on a laugh and oofs as he pushes for room, then lays her head on his arm when he gets settled.

"Dash okay?" she says, turning her head back to look at him.

Castle slides his arm under hers, spreads his fingers across her ribs, finds the edge of her shirt so he can burrow his hand up underneath, hot hand to hot skin. He can feel the shiver of pleasure through her muscles as he strokes a thumb under the cup of her bra.

"Dash is watching Batman cartoons."

"You haven't let him fall asleep-"

"He's not sleepy, really. He's resting, like I told him to, but he's more interested in the tv." Castle circles her belly button with his index finger, feels the ripples again. She sucks in a breath and begins to ease her arm out from under Ellery.

When she's free, Castle leans down and kisses her mouth, pulling her lip between his, keeping it light, smooth, no expectation, just the pleasure of having her body next to his.

Her fingers curl around his ear; she turns in the bed, lifts her head to seek him when he retreats, not eager but almost drowsy with it. He loves this look in her eyes, the open mouth and her teeth in a smile, the perfect angle of her nose, the hair that sweeps back from her face and falls all over his arm.

Castle gentles her, soft touches, light presses of his lips, one hand still at her stomach and drawing designs against her skin.

After a minute, she takes his hand and laces her fingers with his, pulls him away; he gets the message and stops teasing her, caresses the sides of her face, brief kisses, feathering along her eyelids, her jaw, as she breathes slowly and melts under him.

"I love you," she sighs and slowly opens her eyes to meet his.

He can't even tell her, can't even speak, struck wordless by how much, how good, how right.

She must see it on his face because she only smiles that knowing smile and wraps her arms around his neck, tugging him down to her chest. "Lay with me for awhile."

And of course, he does. He doesn't want to be anywhere else.


	38. Chapter 38

He stands on the metal deck of the cargo hold, blue eyes flashing at her. A long-barreled pistol in one hand, casually braced against his thigh. Her eyes flicker up to the glint of a smile in his face, not sure if it's meant or just ironic.

"It's my ship. I'm the Captain," he growls at her.

Her chest tightens with arousal, her legs go loose. She's not sure if she's really here or if he's even talking to her, but each lazy, drawn-out vowel goes right to her center.

She licks her lips.

Her mouth is dry, sock-tasting. She swallows hard and feels little fingers at her throat, confusing. What?

"Mommy."

Kate opens her eyes, blinking through darkness, hair against her lips; she brushes it away, finds her daughter hovering over her.

"Baby." She closes her eyes on the word, sighing.

"Up, uppie."

Kate lifts an eyebrow, opens her eyes again. "Okay. Yeah, time to get up."

"Now, Mommy."

Nap. A terrible idea, Kate. Now she's sluggish and drugged and all she wants to do is roll over into Castle and-

She lifts her head. Castle has disappeared. "Did you see Daddy?"

"Mommy," Ellery insists, leaning on her chest and kissing her cheek wetly.

"Yeah, I stayed. I told you I would." She lifts up, bringing her daughter with her, and then leans back against the headboard, cuddling her baby girl, trying to wake up.

With her daughter snuggled down against her chest, Kate closes her eyes again, the warm bed, the warm body, the warm feeling. She was dreaming. What was it?

Captain. Captain? - oh. Oh, damn. Castle will never let her live that-

No, not Castle. That was the fictional character from the tv show he loves. She loves? She kinda does. The main character is so hot. And lazily sexy, and intense. And he looks like her husband might have years before she met him. Lean, unlined, whipcord strength, the brash arrogance of youth.

Who is she kidding? He's like that now. Jeez. He's-

"Mommy. Down."

"Don't talk like a baby," she murmurs into Ellery's ear. "You're almost three. I know you can talk better than that."

Ella giggles into her chest and leans back. "Let me down."

"There you go. Much better. I guess I should stop calling you baby, huh? That probably doesn't help."

"Mommy's baby," Ella says softly and leans in again, like she's forgotten she wanted to get down; her arms curl around her mother's neck.

Kate squeezes her tightly and kisses her forehead. "You will always be my baby girl. And Dash is my baby boy. No need to worry."

Ella wriggles down into her, squirmy as a worm, and Kate laughs and plucks her up, lifts her off the bed and to the floor.

"We have to go get you a new swimsuit still. Remember?"

"Pink. Stripes"

"You want pink stripes, huh?"

She shakes her head, the black strands fly; Ellery pushes her hair back from her face. "One pink. Two stripes."

"Oh, really? Two new swimsuits?" She doesn't let on that their intention was to buy her three - less to wash - but Ellery grins anyway and bounces towards the door, completely unconcerned.

"Pink. And stripes!" she calls out into the hallway.

Kate wrestles out of bed and follows after her, blinking in the brilliant sunlight streaming in through the sliding glass door. Which is open. The breeze is welcome, cooling her sleep-sweaty skin.

"Rick?"

"We're out here."

She and Ella follow the sound of his voice and find her boys on the balcony, each in their own lounge chair, listening to music. Dash has on his noise-canceling headphones and is probably doing his listening therapy (Castle is always so good at remembering that), while his father has swiped her iPod again. She can tell because it's pink.

Ellery grabs Dash's feet and jumps up and down, grinning at him. Dashiell pulls himself out of the world of his music with an effort, then grins back.

"You're up! Guess what the boys get to do! Arcade games! Haha," he laughs at her, but it's not teasing. Just excited. Ellery laughs with him and continues to jump up and down, hanging on to his feet.

Kate leans over and picks her up. "Dash, honey, scoot over. Let your sister sit with you."

Dashiell scoots to one side, entirely accommodating, and Kate puts Ellery down next to him. The girl wriggles into a spot and leans her head against her brother. Oh, entirely too adorable.

"Camera, Kate-"

She glances at Rick. "Where'd we put it?"

"In the beach bag. That pocket thing that zips."

"Oh yeah." Kate steps over the sliding glass door's threshold, back into the living room, towards the entryway. They've dumped all their beach stuff here, so she has no trouble finding the little camera.

She's been complaining to Castle that all of the photos of them are on their phones. Or instagrammed. Which is cute, but she wants to load them to her computer and send them off to be developed. The phone, even with all its improvements, is still too poor quality.

Kate gets back to the balcony and has the camera on and ready before the kids can notice her. She takes a picture of them with Ellery's head on Dash's shoulder, her little fingers messing with his cd player. The listening therapy cds sound so bizarre, and of course the occupational therapist warned them not to listen themselves - messes with brain waves or something. But Castle did it first, and then she did too, for a little while, and it just sounds like concertos and symphonies have been warped - dragged out or sped up or faded in and out. It does something good to Dash though, makes him happy and relaxed.

Like he is now. The stitches on his forehead are still covered by the glaring-white bandage, the bruises are vivid, but he looks happy.

Kate reaches out and strokes the hair back from his face. "How you feel buddy?"

"What?"

She raises her voice. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," he says, glancing at her in confusion, then startles with an "Oh!" He lifts a hand to his forehead and touches the bandage. "It's still there."

Kate grins and leans forward to kiss his cheek, then drops a kiss on Ellery's as well. "You, my little guy, are too funny."

When Kate pulls back, she sees Castle still listening to her ipod, one foot propped on his other knee, head moving in time to the music, eyes on the ocean. Ellery's feet are swinging from the lounge chair, her head moving against the back of it. Dashiell murmurs to the music in his earphones and scratches his fingers across the portable cd player.

Kate takes another picture, all three of them, and grins at the look Castle levels on her. Surprised, amused, a hint of seduction. Mostly love - she wants to take a picture of that, but it'd never turn out right. Kate steps inside the condo to put the camera on the kitchen counter, then comes back outside.

Castle's foot is tapping; she slides it off his knee and pushes on his leg. "Scoot."

He inches over in the chair and she wedges herself in next to him, wriggling into his thigh with her butt bone, making him yelp and grab her around the waist with a laugh.

She picks up her ipod to check the song - White Stripes - and leaves the earbuds in his ears. Kate slides down a little so that her hips fit in the seat, leans her head back against his chest. Castle curls both arms around her, drops his chin to the crown of her head.

He's humming the song - poorly - and his foot still taps. Kate drops her foot on top of his, grins as she feels him flex his muscles and keep going, her foot riding with his.

It's nice. And relaxing. And Ellery can wear her swimsuit from earlier, the one that soured. Who cares? They can get swimsuits later. Or Castle can do it between arcade games and dinner. What does it really matter? She's sitting on the balcony in South Padre with the sun brilliant and warm against her face, her kids happy and at peace with each other in the next chair over, and her husband tracing aimless patterns into her skin with his fingertips.

She closes her eyes, content, and the dream figure flares to life behind her lids. Brown jacket, gun, suspenders-

She grins and rolls her cheek into Castle's chest, smells sunscreen and sand. His arm comes up and his fingers cup her skull so he can press his open, song-humming mouth to hers.

"I said it must be fine cause my heart's still beating," he half-hums, half-sings, his words tickling her cheek and swirling in her ear. She shivers and twists to give him a better kiss, deeper, cutting off his song.

But Castle won't be hurried, or moved, and he keeps it lazy, arrogant, his hands skimming her shoulder, her stomach, stretching down her thigh. He pulls back, humming the song again, nodding his head to the beat.

Kate can see the self-satisfied smirk on his face - in direct contradiction to the knit of his eyebrows as he holds himself together. Captain of this ship. Uh-huh.

She slides a hand down his forearm, slowly just to tease, and laces her fingers through his, squeezing. Castle shifts in the chair and his foot slows, stops tapping. He presses his open mouth to her neck, breathing hotly on her, and then hums into her skin, the imperfect beat and the off-key words.

Kate closes her eyes, lets it sink under her skin and wrap around her muscles, echo in her bones, travel through her blood to her lungs, her heart, her head. All of her absorbing his song. Syncopated. She's heard him sing better than this; he's got a good voice. He's doing it on purpose, throwing her off-balance.

"Wanna show you something later," he whispers.

She opens her eyes; he's taken an earbud out and his head is dark as it bows over her neck. She lifts a hand and curls it around his ear, pulse pounding.

"Yeah, that," she murmurs.

He laughs. "Not that. Something on my computer. I wanted to have it ready before his birthday, but I got a call and it won't get here in time."

Breathless, a little confused, Kate tugs on his ear and tries to blink away the fog of touch. "His birthday? What did you do?"

"No, I didn't buy anything else. Jeez, I can read you like a book, Kate Castle-"

She rolls her eyes at that again. His doing. The nurse who wrote out Ellery's birth certificate put the mother's name incorrectly as Kate Castle, and then there was an incident at Dashiell's karate class where they wouldn't let her pick him up because their names weren't the same - oh she was pissed - so she gave up.

She gave up and changed her legal name. Although no one at the station calls her that (she told almost no one) and Beckett remains her professional name, as well as replacing her middle name and so-

So, Castle likes to whip that one out every now and then. More often lately. When he wants her attention. When he's chiding her. Like he's her father. Infuriating. Sorta. Kinda hot.

No. Not hot. Stop it.

"So what is it?"

"I'll show you later. When the kids are down."

She sighs. "All right. You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

He grins.

"You know I hate to be teased."

"You also hate surprises. So I thought I'd let you know now, before it arrives."

"You sound so considerate, but really, you just like to make me squirm," she mutters, dropping a hand to his thigh and rubbing slowly.

"Only because you do it first."

Her hand pauses, her eyes meet his. But he likes it. He loves it. She loves making him squirm too. She rakes her fingernails up his cargo shorts, gets her hand quite close before he flinches and grabs for her wrist. She can feel his heart pounding suddenly at her back.

"Kate," he warns.

She glances over at the kids, and yeah, they're both entirely too aware. Curious. Little eyes and ears.

She sighs and pats his leg; he releases her.

"Truce," she murmurs.

"I have long ago learned that means absolutely nothing to you-"

She laughs and leans up to kiss his jaw, tenderly, her heart in her eyes. "I love you."

He grins back and brushes his fingers down her cheek, his hand drifting to close around her throat gently. "Back at ya, darlin'."

Oh, there's the dream again. A flash of it across her eyelids when she blinks. "I dreamed you were Captain Mal."

He laughs. "Oh you did?"

"Mm, it was thrilling."

"That *is* my Halloween costume. Space cowboy."

She grins darkly at him. "Goody."


	39. Chapter 39

At the door, Castle leans in and kisses her good-bye, feeling thoroughly domestic and proud of himself for organizing a play date while they're on vacation.

Kate catches him by the shirt and tugs him back; he can feel Dashiell head-butting him in the thigh. When his wife lets him go, smoothing his shirt back down, she bites her lower lip as if she's. . .ashamed. Or shy. Neither of which is really Kate.

"What's up, kumquat?"

She pokes his sternum for that, but he gets a smile out of her. "Just. You know. I'm a homicide detective. Be careful."

He laughs, but she's not laughing. "Okay," he says, trying to compose his features into something like seriousness. "Right. I'll keep an eye on the wild man."

"And yourself."

Ah. Okay. If she's not there to have his back, partners, then he's vulnerable. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. Six months ago, someone got the drop on her and now she's nervous for him. Maybe for herself as well.

"It's fine; we're fine." Castle turns his head and grabs Dashiell by the back of the neck. "Calm down, kiddo. We're about to go."

Kate pushes on him. "Go, go. Before the wild man breaks out."

"No. Wait a minute, Kate." He's got one hand on Dash, one hand on her, trying to keep from being shoved out the door. "Hey. We're fine. Vickie and Austin and their kids? Just a family enjoying their vacation. Just like us. Nothing will happen."

She nods. "I know. I'm being irrational. It happens. I'll get over it."

He laughs and shakes his head at her, but she seems already past it. So Castle nudges her aside and calls for his daughter.

"Ellery!"

The little girl comes bouncing out of her room with Totoro in one hand and a barbie doll in the other. She waves the barbie at him and bounds over. He scoops her up with a tight squeeze, gives her a raspberry against her neck. She giggles and writhes in his grip, knocking him in the head with her doll.

Castle laughs and drops her back down to the ground; she races off.

"Be good for Mommy," he calls after her.

"Dad-dy," Dashiell whines, tugging on his hand.

"One sec, kiddo. Give me just a minute."

"A minute and a second are NOT the same THING!"

Kate leans over and thumps his ear. "Be respectful of your father. Hush."

Dashiell growls and jerks away, but Kate glares at him, snagging his chin with her fingers. "Not the face, not the face," he grunts.

"Then you be respectful. If you backtalk Daddy, he's bringing you right home. Even with the stitches. You hear me?"

Castle quirks an eyebrow at the boy, and he gets a sullen look on his face, crosses his arms over his chest.

"She asked you a question, Dashiell."

He huffs. Kate lets go of his chin, leans down next to him to whisper something in his ear. Whatever it is, Dashiell's face relaxes, droops. He throws his arms around Kate's neck and whispers something back.

He may ask Kate later what it is she whispers to their son that works so well, or maybe he'll leave it a mystery. When Dash was first born, he remembers Kate whispering to him as a baby - she did the same to Ellery too - and somehow that little connection has persisted. He likes not knowing, likes the magic of it.

Dashiell nuzzles his mother's cheek and hangs on to her neck, even when she lifts up. Kate hugs him tightly, kisses his cheek with a smack that makes Dashiell giggle and groan.

"Ew, Mommy-cooties."

"Ew," she mimics. "Dash-cooties."

"I don't have cooties. Only girls have cooties."

"Girls don't have cooties," Castle interjects, grabbing Dashiell around the waist and tugging him away from his mother. "Girls are great."

"Mommy's great!"

Kate laughs, and Castle is pretty sure now that she's over whatever that was at the door. He tucks Dashiell under his arm like a football and checks his back pocket for his wallet and keys, then leans in and gives Kate another brief kiss. He'd like a few more, but this will have to do.

"See? Don't you want another squirmy thing that thinks you're great but also thinks you have cooties?"

She pinches his ear and narrows her eyes at him. "Go. Before I make you sorry."

"Ow, ow! I'm already sorry." He rubs his ear, hoists Dash up a little, and then heads down the hallway. "It's gonna be harder than I thought to convince your mother about the baby brother, kiddo."

"I heard that, Castle!"

* * *

><p>Kate spends the first twenty minutes swimming with Ella latched onto her shoulders in the deep end of the pool. Claire paces her, a pretty good swimmer herself, and they talk haltingly about the girl's school, her brothers, and the last few days of her vacation.<p>

Ella keeps letting go to try the water herself, but Kate grabs her before she can slip under. A few times, she misses, and Ellery comes up spluttering and laughing, reminding Kate of Dashiell's headfirst dives into danger.

Claire takes Ellery back into the shallow end; Kate threatens her within an inch of her life if she leaves for the deep end, then gets out and makes her way to the lounge chairs. Vickie has been holding their spots, laying out and reading - one of Castle's books, she sees - and while Kate isn't sure about this, she's willing to try.

"Thanks for playing and talking with Claire. That's sweet," Vickie says, putting the book on her raised knee.

Kate spreads out her towel, squeezes water out of her hair, and sits down gingerly. "Yeah. I kinda thought. . ." She pauses, studying Vickie's tired face, the lines of perpetual worry and the one brief smile of a moment's peace. So if Vickie needs to chill out on a deck chair and read for an hour or two while her kid with special needs is with his father, then Kate is in no position to comment on the way she parents the daughter.

"You what?" Vickie says, pushing her sunglasses up on her face and looking at Kate.

"I thought Claire and Ella might play better together if I kind of eased them into it," she says, giving the woman back a smile. "Ellery doesn't talk much."

Vickie nods, drops the sunglasses back on her face. Kate reaches into her beach bag and pulls out her own frames, Ray-ban Jackie Ohh sunglasses that Castle bought her last summer. Purple. She has black ones too. One for each kid, he said.

(When did she start letting him buy her two pairs of ridiculously expensive sunglasses? When did she just start accepting these gifts and going along with it?)

"My kids were like that too. Graham especially."

"Your oldest?" she says, wrapping a rubberband around her hair to keep the wet strands off her neck.

"Yeah. He refused to speak until he was three. He could do it - we heard him talk in complete sentences. He just. . .the speech therapist told us he was refusing to speak as a way of controlling his environment."

Control. Oh. . .that makes sense.

"That sounds a lot like Ella," Kate sighs. "Dash talks for her, so why should she? Especially when she knows she can drive me crazy with her silence."

Vickie laughs. "Yeah. That's kids for you."

"Okay, I have to ask-"

Vickie gestures for her to continue.

"Two to three. How was that? I mean, one to two was easy. Seemed easy. But I just can't imagine being outnumbered."

Vickie grins and smooths her palm down her arm. "Yeah, completely different. Having three kids is nothing like two."

"That's what I thought," Kate says, narrowing her eyes as she glances out at the pool. Claire and Ella are splashing through the tidepool area, jumping in and out of the fountains.

"But when I had Claire, Graham was old enough to be a big help. The problem is, Tate just needs so much. So here I had this newborn, and a boy who needs his mommy almost the same amount. And then Graham, poor kid, who needs so little. He sometimes falls through the cracks," Vickie sighs.

Kate winces and rubs a finger over the chapstick on her lips. "I can see how that happens," she says softly. "Just with Dash. . .he needs so much, like you said. His light sensitivity, his sensory stuff-"

"Ella gets less attention," Vickie says knowingly.

"Yeah," Kate admits. "I think sometimes. . .yeah. But Rick is better at it than me."

"The dads always are," Vickie snorts. "Because they worry less."

"Oh no, that's not true." Kate grins and watches Ellery pretend to sit on the fountain. "Rick worries more than I do about the kids. Way more. He tries to act the cool dad, but he wants to be there every second of their lives."

Vickie laughs and runs finger over Castle's picture on the back of the book. "I. . .this is just too surreal, Kate."

Kate grins. "Yeah, I'm sure it is."

"I'm probably gonna have moments where I flail a little here."

Kate knits her brows together and shakes her head. "Flail?"

"Internet, sorry. It just means. . .freak out."

"Oh," Kate murmurs, grinning. "We kind of avoid the internet stuff. The forums, the fan sites."

"Yeah, good idea. I can't imagine. . .oh the stuff we say. Oh wow. Please don't ever get on," Vickie groans and buries her head in her hands. "Don't google yourself."

Kate bites her lip; this is kind of funny. She's never been friends with someone who is as much a fan of Richard Castle as she is. Was. Still is? "We leave that to our daughter," Kate laughs.

Vickie glances up, her eyes going across the pool. "Your daughter?"

Kate slides her knee up and wraps her arms around it. "No, the oldest. Alexis."

"Oh, you mean - that is - yes. Alexis. I - she's. . .his daughter."

"Yes," Kate says with a shrug. She's never felt the need to explain it, and she won't now. Alexis is his daughter, and hers. It's just how it is. She came late to it, and was hesitant about it, but Alexis is hers.

Vickie nods slowly. "Sorry. This is very strange, knowing about your family but not knowing really. I mean. I've posted pictures of you guys at charity events in New York City - the ones from the AP with those amazing dresses, or just. . .oh, this is weird."

Kate leans forward and watches Vickie; the woman isn't that much older than her, has the air of someone who loves to talk. Maybe as much as Lanie. "So, how'd I look?"

Vickie laughs, a kind of breathless thing that belies her nervousness. "Oh, God, you're gorgeous. You must know that."

Kate feels the blush crawling up her chest, turns her head back to the pool. "Well. Thanks. That's. . .I appreciate it."

"Can I. . .the dress you wore last year to the Autism Awareness-"

"Oh," Kate says softly. "I. . .wow. Yes. That was an amazing benefit. Mariska-"

"Oh, no. No. Don't start telling me all the famous people you know, Kate. I will never survive this."

Kate laughs softly. "All right. No names. It was beautiful, and from what I remember, it raised over three million dollars for Autism Speaks."

"Yeah. I remember that."

"I bet you do," Kate says. She goes to those charity events; she was the one to push Castle to be more active in them, but still. It's different to meet someone who lives with a kid who has autism, someone whose life might be affected by the money they raised in the city a year ago. "But the dress?"

Vickie grins again and leans forward, taking the book off her knee and sliding the flap of the cover in as a bookmark. "The dress. It was breathtaking. That royal blue and silver looks damn good on you."

Kate grins and bites her lip. Castle thought so too. "Oh, I loved it too. I still have it, even though his publicist always wrangles the dresses away from me."

"What? Why?" Vickie drops the book next to her chair, grabs her sunblock and starts re-applying. "Why would his publicist want them?"

"Oh, we auction them on Rick's website." Kate feels the blush starting up again, presses a hand to her cheek. She's somehow become this person that Vickie might look at with that awe in her face; she's become famous or rich or something. Something strange. She can't figure out how it happened. "It sounds ridiculous, I know. The money goes to whatever charity it is that we're involved with."

"Oh, actually, that's amazing."

"But I couldn't let go of that dress." Kate grins, shrugs her shoulders. "Rick did write a check to Autism Speaks. . .he guessed a little high, but we covered the dress."

Vickie laughs and claps a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. "Oh, that's so sweet."

"Yeah." Kate rubs at her knee, a rush of warmth and pride. "He's a big. . .goofy mess."

Vickie laughs again and leans back against the chair, dropping the sunblock back into her bag and smoothing some over her chest. "This is. . .too much. All this inside information."

"Well. What about your husband?" Kate says, trying to push this back onto even ground again. If they're friends, and well, they seem to be, then this is what you do, right? Share with the other person about your life. She's just never met someone who knows Castle for his books, his celebrity, before knowing him for himself.

"Oh. He's. . .mine," Vickie says with a laugh. "We were high school sweethearts. Met in middle school, actually. His mom was my English teacher in ninth grade."

"Oh wow, that must've been. . .not so much fun."

"It was interesting. His mom's a nutcase, so you know, must be where Tate gets it from. So I like to say."

Kate grins and thinks she knows something about crazy mother-in-laws.

Now that they've broken the awkward ice between celebrity and regular person, it seems to go much more smoothly. Vickie tells stories about her in-laws, the kids, what it's like living in Arkansas, and Kate tries to share similar things without giving too much up.

She's still an NYPD detective at heart.

The girls run up at one point wanting ice cream, so Vickie and Kate wrap them in towels and gather up their stuff, taking them to the little ice cream soda place next door to the gift shop. Kate sits on a bar stool with Ellery in her lap, dabbing at her chin with a napkin as she lets peanut butter and chocolate chip ice cream melt down her face, off the spoon, licking it recklessly.

Vickie sits on Kate's right, with Claire on her mother's other side and eating a vanilla cone. "Hey, I just wanted to tell you - none of this is going to wind up online, you know?"

Kate glances at Vickie, lips pressed together. "Oh. I. . .thank you. But I figured you wouldn't."

The woman smiles. "I can tell you've been. . .reluctant to share. I understand. I just wanted you to know that I'm not. . .yeah. I just. I get it."

Kate glances at her daughter in her lap, struggles against herself. "It's not that," she says gently. "I'm sure you know what I do. My job."

"Nikki Heat," Vickie laughs.

Kate nods. "Sort of. Yes. It's just. . .Castle and I have run across people who were looking to hurt us, either of us, because of his books, because of my job, because of. . .anything. And not that I think you would. I don't. I just have a hard time being. . .letting anyone know me. My mother. . .my mother was murdered when I was 19 and-"

"Oh," Vickie breathes, a hand falling to Kate's arm and squeezing. "So that's true. Nikki's story is your story? Oh God, I would've hated for someone to write-" She drops off, flushing. "I'm sorry."

"No, actually, he asked. Well, no. He didn't ask. But he warned me. He said Nikki needed an origin story, and I had already told him, and it just. . .it was okay, actually. That he wrote it. It somehow. . .helped. To know that he understood."

"I'm so sorry about your mom. That's terrible. I lost. . .I lost my parents in a car accident when I was twelve. I was raised by an aunt after that. And then she died the day I got to ninth grade."

"Oh. Oh wow," Kate blinks at her. "I. . .I'm. . .What happened to you after that?"

Vickie lifts a half-smile and glances at her daughter; Claire is sitting quietly on the stool, listening to every word. "Austin's parents took me in. And then I married their son. So, you see? They're my family too."

Kate laughs at the grin in Vickie's eyes, the smirk of her lips. "That is truly an amazing story. And now I've got to tell you, just as you were honest with me. If I tell Castle all this, he's going to want to use it. He can't help himself. Are you going to be okay with that?"

Vickie gasps and clutches Kate's arm. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Kate rolls her eyes. "He's got this plaque in his office that says 'Be careful. Everything you say can and will be used against you in my novel.' Kind of a play on the miranda rights."

"Ohhh, that's adorable. That's seriously adorable."

"I just wanted to warn you. So while you're promising not to spill all our family secrets on the internet, I'm promising that my husband will spill all of yours in his next book." Kate grins and shrugs. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Oh my gosh, no. Oh, no! Wait. Don't you dare tell him what I said about my mother-in-law."

"Grandma is crazy," Claire pipes up.

Vickie's eyes widen and she claps a hand over Claire's mouth. "You hush. Oh my goodness. Claire. Oh my word. I've got to shut up. My children are repeating me."

Kate laughs at that and swipes at the ice cream dripping from Ellery's mouth. "I promise not to say anything about Grandma. But Rick has a way of figuring out characters that is seriously uncanny; it might get in there anyway."

"I'm just a little thrilled he might use my story at all."

Kate bites her bottom lip. "I'm not saying he will. I just want to let you know there's a possibility." She glances at Claire, remembers some of his comments about Tate. "The autism stuff too, Vickie. That. . .it could come up. We've hurt people before without meaning to."

"We?" Vickie says, raising an eyebrow.

Kate shrugs. His writing is her. . .well, not hers. But they're partners. And it just. . .they share the blame.

"Well thank you. But really? The more people know about autism, the better off Tate will be. We're not shy about it. We used to joke that we should make up business cards to hand out to people in restaurants and elevators. They'd say, _Please excuse us; our son has autism. And yes, this is the best we can do._"

Vickie gives a little laugh, but Kate can read the struggle there. The hurt. "I can't imagine. And Rick would never. . .he'd be good about it."

The woman glances over at Kate with shining eyes, part relief and part amusement. "Oh, honey, I own every single book he's ever written. I know he'd be good."

Kate laughs, grinning widely at Vickie's earnest and proud look. "I do too. Own every book. Before I even met him."

They share a secret, fangirl smile, and Kate startles when she feels cold trickling down her leg.

"Ella," she groans, and wipes ice cream from her thigh. "Baby, eat over the dish."

"Cold," Ellery shivers, wriggling in Kate's lap.

"Okay, but sit up and eat, Ella-bean."

When Kate gets Ellery to sit still and eat, she glances over at Vickie but the woman is having a conversation with her daughter about dinner, or maybe reassuring her that Tate will get dinner, it's hard to follow. But that moment of strange fanhood is gone.

Better this way though. It's just too bizarre to. . .flail? right? flail. . .over Richard Castle.

Oh my. Just. No.

That's private.


	40. Chapter 40

When Alexis finally gets a chance to sneak out the back of the class, she pulls her phone out first thing and calls her mom. It rings but goes to voicemail, so Alexis calls her father next. It takes a few rings, but he does answer.

"Alexis, what's up?" On his end, clanging and screaming warps his voice.

Alexis winces. "Hey Dad. Trying to get ahold of Kate. She's not answering."

"She's at the pool with Ellery. Probably not near her phone. What'd you need?"

"Nothing," she answers quickly, stepping out of the building and into the chill October air. Chicago is freezing - it feels like winter already. "Where *are* you?"

"Arcade with Dash. And a few new friends."

Of course. Dashiell makes friends of everyone. Well, so does her father. Alexis wraps her coat tighter around her body and glances up at the sound of her name. Rafe. She grins and waves, stopping under the breezeway for him. "I can't wait to see you guys," she says excitedly.

Rafe catches up with her, wraps his long arm around her shoulders. A warm flush spreads through her.

"The kids are so excited; you have no idea. You want to skype tonight?"

"I can't, Dad. I won't get home until late. But tomorrow - Tuesday - is that okay?" Rafe is nudging her down the sidewalk, so she starts moving.

"Sounds good, pumpkin. Tell Kate; she'll know the best time. Look, I gotta go get Dash before he busts his head open again-"

"Again? Wait. Dad!" But he's already hung up. Alexis sighs and leans up to give Rafe a quick kiss. "Let me text my mom."

"Sure," he says easily. He's wearing a dark green v-neck sweater, a purple tshirt underneath, jeans, but no coat. Crazy man.

Alexis texts Kate to call her asap, saying that Dad mentioned Dash cutting his head open (she knows that Kate will definitely get back to her on that). Then she turns her full attention to Rafe.

He grins at her and leans in for a fuller kiss, his cold fingers brushing the hair back from her neck, burrowing under the collar of her coat. "Hey, Allie."

She smiles back at him. "Hey, yourself."

"Did you ask your mom about me?" His eyebrows dance, dark lines in the olive skin of his face.

"I couldn't reach her. And I want to ask Kate first before I talk to Dad about it. Did you get the time off?"

"I did. So. Uh, either I'm coming with you on vacation, or I'm spending it in our apartment alone, freezing my ass off," he says, but he's still smiling at her. Mike would've been so irritated with her last minute idea; it still amazes her how much Rafe isn't at all like Mike, how much Rafe is. . .like her father actually. The Latino version. Which makes her smile.

"Who's the idiot walking around without his coat?" she says, drawing an arm through his and leading him towards the science building where it's warm. She skipped out on the last few minutes of her class, and she has a few hours until her shift at the girls' treatment facility a few blocks over.

"Left my coat somewhere. Can't find it." He shrugs, supremely unconcerned. "Will I need a coat in South Padre?"

"Not likely. More like swim trunks." Alexis pauses as he opens the door to the science center; she steps through and waits for him to come on inside. "Do you even own a swimsuit?"

He laughs at her, lets her hook her arm through his. "I don't know. Somewhere. I'll figure it out. Look, you have time for dinner before your shift, right?"

Alexis nods, surprised when he shakes her off to take her hand and pull her across the open lobby. Everyone uses the science building as a cut-through; it's already packed with students coming out of or going into class. Rafe cuts through the crowd easily, a head taller than most, creating a channel for her to follow in his wake. When they get back outside, he laces their fingers together and tugs her to his side.

"I made you dinner."

"You did not," she breathes, coming up on her toes to kiss his jaw. "You cooked me something?"

"I chefed you something," he jokes, using her ridiculous word. When she met him last year, she was left alone with him when their friends abandoned them at the bar, Mike off with his buddies again (as usual). Alexis was upset at being ditched, and flustered by this guy's attention, and the first thing out of her mouth was, 'Do you chef at home, too?' Rafael is a roundsman chef at a restaurant in Chicago too expensive for Alexis to frequent, but he does sometimes bring stuff home for her to try. He doesn't often cook them dinner though. He says it's too much like work.

Little did she know that night in the bar, they would end up being best friends. They meant to move in with a huge group of their friends, but in the end, it was just she and Rafe sharing a two-bedroom apartment.

"What did you chef me?" she asks, stupidly pleased by his words.

"You'll see. And. I kinda got a promotion."

"You did what? Even with you asking for the rest of the week off?"

"What can I say? I'm that good."

She snorts and he nudges his elbow into her ribs, drawing her closer to his side before shoving her away playfully. Since their hands are clasped, she comes right back to him. After a moment, Rafe glances at her as if seeing her for the first time.

"Oh, let me get that," he murmurs, grabbing the back of her bag with a fist and lifting. Alexis slides her arms out easily and Rafe takes her backpack, slinging it over one broad shoulder. "Okay so I went in to talk to the master chef-"

"Roux. Right? His name is Roux," she says, rolling her eyes.

He barks out a laugh. "No, Allie, that's not really his name. You know that right?"

"It's not? But you guys all call him that-"

"That's a joke. A chef's joke. Roux is the thickener for sauce. Uh, flour and butter or fat. It's what you put into sauces to make them rich-"

"Oh. Oh my word, Rafe. You call him that?"

"Only behind his back. It's fine," Rafe says, laughing her off. "So. I went to see him. Oh, his name's Anton, by the way. Not Roux. Anton's all crazy busy right now and he's yelling at Fish-eye to get-"

"Fish-eye?"

"The fish chef - _poissonnier - _and Fish-eye is screaming obscenities at him, going at it really nicely in Portuguese-"

"The fish chef is Portuguese?"

"Brazilian. So Fish-eye storms out of the tiny little office and Anton's got a plate of cheesecake-"

"Uh, I love cheesecake. I love your cheesecake anyway." Alexis grins at him.

"Yes well, this was Win's cheesecake, and it was already melting down a little, droopy and sad on the plate-"

"Oh my goodness, you know I love a good story, but Rafe! Please. Get on with it." Alexis bumps her hip into his thigh and he laughs at her, walking briskly down the block and making her double time it to keep up.

"Well then. Anton looks at the cheesecake, looks at me, looks at my request form and says, 'If I give you this week off, you come back as our pastry chef.' And then he dumped the whole cheesecake in the trash can, plate and all."

Alexis gasps in the cold air and tries to hold back her laughter. "Pastry chef. You went from roundsman to pastry chef just like that?"

"Well, I told you that roundsman won't last. I mean, I'd either get plugged in somewhere, one of those departments, or I'd get fired. I had maybe three months to make an impression-"

"And you did," she says proudly, clutching his hand tighter. "You did it. Pastry chef. Wow. I told you that your cheesecake would win them over."

Rafe grins at her, all dark and swarthy and intense, and leans in to grace her lips with a brushing kiss. "You were right. As always."

"Of course." Alexis moves to the curb to wait on the traffic light, but her phone buzzes in her pocket. She pulls it out and realizes Kate is calling her back. "Oh, it's Mom."

Rafe leans back to give her room to answer; still, Alexis feels breathless as she does.

"Mom?"

There's a rustle on the other end and then the off-stage sounds of encouragement. Alexis wrinkles her brow at Rafe but then a little voice answers.

"Hi."

"Ellery?" she squeals, laughing at the way Rafe winces. "Ellie, baby girl, did you answer Mommy's phone?"

"Allie."

"Yeah, it's your sister. What are you doing, little bee?"

"Buzz, buzz-"

Alexis grins again, letting Rafe take her hand and lead her across the street and up onto the sidewalk. He keeps his arm through hers so he can guide her as she focuses on her baby sister's words.

"Playing Winnie the Pooh? Are you at the pool though? Daddy said you were at the pool."

"Pool. And swimming. Allie."

"Yeah, swimming. Are you having fun?"

"Ice cream gots all over me."

Alexis feels a little breathless, listening to her almost-three year old sister talk to her on the phone for the first time. Dashiell was chatting it up with her when he was barely two; even when he was just a year and a half, he was making noises and pretending to talk. But Ella's kept it to herself until now.

"You and Mommy got ice cream? I bet that was good."

"All sticky."

"Yeah, that too. Daddy says you know you've had fun when you're sticky."

Rafe chuckles at overhearing that line, lifting an eyebrow at her; Alexis blushes and shoves on his shoulder, trying to focus on her sister. Her dad probably meant it like that too. Ew.

"-you here? Want you now."

"Oh, little sister, soon. Soon, sweetheart. Two more days. I love you, Ellery."

"All the ways," Ella answers.

Alexis bites her lip. "Always."

"Bye-bye," she says suddenly and the transition of the phone back to her mother sounds clumsy. After a second, Alexis hears Kate chiding Ella for something, then her mother's voice is on the line.

"Allie? Sorry about that. Ellery wanted to answer. Couldn't say no to an outright spoken demand."

"Oh, I'm so glad you let her. I'm honored." Alexis lets Rafe pull her around a group of friends walking slowly down the sidewalk, steps at his side again as they hurry. "But what happened to Dashiell?"

"He fell out of his chair at McDonalds and busted his head open."

"Ouch. Concussion?"

"Just stitches. He's fine. He watched tv for a few hours while Ellery napped. Now he and your dad are at the arcade with another family. I'm at the pool with the mom and daughter."

"Oh. Cool. Wow, Mom. You guys made friends," Alexis laughs, leaning her cheek against Rafe's sweater to block the wind battling against her. Rafe tugs a hand out of his pocket and shields her face, pulling her against his side as they wait for another red light.

"We did," Kate laughs. "They're big fans of your dad's, actually."

Alexis grins, her cold nose buried in Rafe's sweater. "But it's good?"

"It's good, Allie." Kate sounds soft on the phone, reassuring. "What did you need?"

"I have a favor to ask."

"Sure."

Rafe has led them to their apartment building; he pulls his keys out and fumbles with the door. "Well-"

"Wait, are you talking on your phone while you get into your building? Alexis," Kate chides. "I told you about that. Put the phone down, and get inside first. Jeez, I know where you live. It's not safe-"

"Actually, um, Rafe's got it. I'm good."

"Oh," Kate murmurs. Then Alexis can practically hear the woman grin. "Really? Huh. This is the same Rafe who's your room mate, right?"

"Yeah." Room mate and. . .well. . .yeah.

"The same Rafe that makes fabulous cheesecake?"

"Yes. Fabulous cheesecake Rafe," she says, for his benefit.

Rafe laughs and shoves open the door, pushing her inside. He leans in as he does, shouts into her phone. "Thanks, Mrs. Castle."

"It's Beckett," Alexis hisses at him, narrowing her eyes.

"It's fine," Kate groans. "I will never - whatever. Doesn't matter. It's officially Castle now anyway, so what do I care?"

"Yeah, well, you've been a Castle longer than that anyway."

"Oh, you just kinda made my day, Allie. What did you need?"

Alexis smiles widely, even though Kate can't see it, and takes her time following Rafe up the stairs. "Well, see, I'm calling about Rafe actually."

"Oh, finally, Allie. I thought you'd never figure it out."

"What?"

"He's in love with you, isn't he? We all could tell-"

"Mom!"

"Well, he is. You think I don't know what that looks like?"

Alexis grins and stops at the landing, watches Rafe climbing up ahead of her; the cling of his sweater to his shoulders, the dark curl of hair on his neck.

"You do," Alexis answers. "You really do. So. Yeah. We're. . .together. I was wondering if you thought, maybe it'd be okay if I bring him?"

"Sure. Oh. Your dad. Did you talk to him about this at all?"

"No."

"You want me to."

"Yeah. Please, Mom?"

Kate sighs; she must cover the phone with her hand because Alexis hears a muffled command to Ellery to _put it down_ and then Kate comes back. "I can do that. So, tell me, you guys are still rooming together in that apartment. Are you. . .living together?"

"It's not that. Not yet. I mean-" Alexis realizes she is blushing. Jeez, already. Kate can get her flustered about boys faster than her dad. Probably because she's so very direct. "It's beginning stuff still."

"Hey, honey, I'm really glad for you. For Rafe too, actually. But. . .what happened to Mike?"

Alexis sighs. "That's a long, drawn-out story. I'll tell you when I get there?"

"Okay. Sure. In the mean time, has Rafe gotten a plane ticket?"

"Not yet. He's kinda last minute."

"Okay, good. You've got your dad's card, right? Put his ticket on that. I don't want him to have to buy a ticket only to have your dad spend the week terrorizing him."

"I don't think it's possible to terrorize Rafe," she laughs. "But thanks, Mom."

"Any time, Allie."

"I'll let you go. Rafe made dinner. And I can hear Ellery in the background-"

"No, actually that's Claire. The other one. Ella's back to being quiet. It comes and goes."

"Oh, well, I'll let you go, Mom."

"Yeah. You sure you're okay? Rafe is good, right?"

Allie bites her lip and hides the grin from Rafe as she walks in the front door behind him. Only Kate could possibly understand her situation, what it's like to be dating a boy you like a lot one minute and then turn around to discover your best friend is in love with you.

"I'm good; it's good. But Kate? I'm so glad I have you."

Alexis hears her mother's quick intake of breath, knows it's because she called her Kate, and she hasn't really done that in ages. And while calling her 'mom' does mean a lot, Alexis knows that when she calls her 'Kate' now, it means even more. A way of talking to the woman who captured her father's attention and stole his heart, the woman who is so much like Alexis.

Especially now.

"Hey, I'm so glad I have you too," Kate says. "Love you, Allie."

"All the ways," she says back. "Love you, too."


	41. Chapter 41

When seven o'clock rolls past them, Castle takes out his phone and texts Kate to warn her that the boys are still at the arcade; he attaches video of Dashiell playing a race car game, scooted way up in the seat and stretching one leg down to the pedal, hunched over the wheel.

Surprisingly, the noise and the people haven't overwhelmed him yet. Kate messages him back with a reminder that when Dash gets hungry, he gets mean. That's true. Castle starts scanning the area for Austin, Tate and Graham's father, hoping to start the process of leaving.

He finds Graham first, playing a dance revolution kind of game, his feet flying, his pants sagging. He's holding them up with one hand, eyes intent on the screen showing him the next steps, and Castle laughs, holding his phone up to record that for Kate too.

Jeez. A few days in the condo with her and now he can't stop thinking about her. Like he's back to that first couple years following her around, eager to make a good impression and trying his best to make her laugh.

After thirty seconds of recording, he realizes that Dashiell is probably teetering on the edge of a major meltdown if they don't get the kids out of here and get some food in them. He maybe has snacks in the bag - oh, nope, he didn't bring the kids' bag. Darn.

Castle stops recording, checks to make sure Dash is still playing ski-ball, then roams a little ways to look for Austin.

He spots the man talking impatiently with Tate, bent over, not in his face. He remembers Austin's warning about not touching Tate, not even a friendly hand on the shoulder. He sees that Austin is being careful to even keep out of Tate's direct line of sight. Tate doesn't look so happy; he's gesturing to a video game that another boy is playing.

Austin carefully maneuvers Tate - all without touching him - until he can't see the game anymore. After a few more long seconds, Tate's shoulders seem to droop, relax.

Interesting. He's learning a lot here. Novel fodder, of course. Not a Nikki Heat, but the new one. The one he hasn't told Kate about yet.

If James Patterson and John Grisham can do it, so can he.

Castle signals Austin to get his attention, then glances back at his son. Dashiell has climbed up the ramp with a wooden ball in his hand, like a monkey, and is hanging on to the net fixed over the rings. Dash chucks the ball at the top ring - the highest score - and the ball hits the lip of the plastic ring and bounces back.

Into Dash's face.

Castle darts to him, catching the boy around the waist and grabbing him off the incline, twisting him around to see his face.

Fine. It's fine.

He breathes again. No harm. No broken nose either (which is what he was imagining there).

"Dashiell, you can't climb on the ramp. The point is to softball toss it up there, underhand you know? See what you can get from back down here."

"But it's too hard," he whines, squirming in his father's grip.

Castle lets him drop back to the floor, searches around for the wooden ball. It bounced and rolled over to the basketball free throw game, so he scoops it up to keep a kid from stepping on it. He skis it up the ramp and scores at the top ring, turns to face Dashiell's already mounting fury.

"Daddy! My game!"

"Just helping you out, kiddo. I think it's time we go get dinner, anyway."

"I only have two more left! I want to score up there. Help me, Daddy."

"Buddy, I don't know that-"

"Daddy, help me score. I need the top ring. It has to go in." Dashiell grabs another wooden ball out of the slot and cocks his arm to throw it overhand; Castle neatly takes it out of his grip and wraps an arm around Dashiell's shoulders to stay him.

"Okay. I'll help. Just. Not like this, wild man."

Castle adjusts Dashiell's stance, helps him practice hand over hand, arm swinging, getting into the rhythm of it. After a few minutes, Dash's impatience starts to spike, so Castle grabs his wrist.

"Okay, we'll swing our arm a few times to get it going and then, when I say 'Go' you have to let go of the ball. Get it?"

"Got it," Dashiell murmurs.

"Good." He grins to himself, can't help it, and then starts swinging Dashiell's arm with his. "One, two, three - go!"

Dashiell releases perfectly and the ball slides straight up in a shot, lifts over the bottom rings and catches right at the top ring, spins around the lip, round and round, dizzying, and then drops.

Out. Rolls down to the bottom ring where it disappears.

"Daddy! So-so, sooooo close! Look how close I got!"

Oh whew, thank goodness. Apparently that was good enough for Dashiell on his first try. Less Beckett in him than they thought. Castle grins at his son, opening his arms for a chest bump. Dashiell rockets into him, bouncing off with a giggle.

"You did such a great job, Dashiell. You aimed just right and you let go at just the right spot."

"I did good." Dashiell's face beams, and he bounces on his toes, then grabs his father's hand and jumps up and down, springy. "One more, Daddy."

"Okay, buddy, one more. Then dinner time."

Castle goes through it all over again, and this time when Dash releases, the ball drops in just below the top ring, still a good score. It's Dashiell's last ball anyway, and the machine starts spitting out tickets like crazy, piling them in the floor in a long red rope. Dash shrieks and lifts up one end, jumps up and down, spinning the tickets around like a jump rope.

"Daddy! Look at how good I did! Look at all these tickets!" Dash spins around, draping himself with tickets; the machine stops whirring, and he comes to the end. "Mommy's gonna be so proud."

With a grin to himself, Castle leans over to tear them off, hands them to his son. "All right. Dinner."

"I have to get something with my tickets! I have tons!"

"How about we save your tickets and come back later in the week with the rest of our family? Then you can have even more tickets, and with more tickets, you can trade them in for bigger prizes."

"Oooh, Daddy. You're a genius."

Castle laughs and bends down, scoops the kid up. The tickets trail off into the floor, so Castle starts folding them up awkwardly, juggling Dash as he does (if he lets the kid down, Dash will get sucked into some other game and they'll never get him out in this good a mood). Castle's phone vibrates in his pocket, and Austin chooses that moment to approach with Tate following behind him.

Tickets folded up, Castle places them in Dashiell's cargo shorts pocket, then glances to Austin. "So, dinner?"

"Definitely. Tate's about to crash-"

"This one, too." Castle looks back to the dance video game; Graham is gone. "Where's Graham?"

"I texted him. He said he'll meet us at the front doors."

"Good. Oh, let me check my phone." Castle pulls his phone out of his pocket; it's from Kate.

_Where are you? Meet for dinner?_

"Kate's asking if we want to all meet up for dinner somewhere. Have any ideas?" Castle starts moving for the front doors; Dashiell is leaning his cheek against his father's shoulder, arms tight. Just beginning to feel the effects of overstimulation.

"There's a great fried fish place. Your kids okay with that?" Austin signals to Tate; they walk at Castle's side.

Castle glances at Dashiell. "Think so. Any chicken strips? Anything grilled?" Kate doesn't eat fried anything hardly anymore, and honestly, he probably shouldn't either.

"Yeah, sure, they grill it too. And Tate gets the chicken fingers there."

When the doors push open under Castle's hand, the warm late evening air washes over him. Already he feels cleaner, more relaxed. He wonders what a place like that must cost Dashiell in energy; the boy never complains about it (he loves video games too much), but Dash is drooping against his father like he's tapped out.

For that matter, Tate looks edgy as he walks behind them, off to one side as if he can't bear to see them.

Castle glances around, spots Graham getting up from where he'd been sitting on the sidewalk, waiting.

"I'll call Kate and let her know."

"Good. It's Louie's Backyard. Vickie knows how to get to it. It's in South Padre though, so they'll have to wait on us."

Castle grins. "Let 'em wait."

* * *

><p>When Castle and her son walk out onto the patio of the restaurant, her heart flips over in her chest. Like she's seeing him - them - for the first time in ages. Maybe it's the proud look on Dashiell's pale face that echoes the proud look on his father's, maybe it's the way Rick's eyes seek her out. Looking for her.<p>

Maybe it's just spending a few hours away from him after having him so close for these last few days. She missed him. Misses him. Castle.

Ug. Seriously? Yeah, this is who she is now. Get used to it. Because she does miss him; she misses him at work with her, his ideas bouncing around the room, making it fun again. He makes everything fun.

Vickie was interesting and enjoyable this afternoon; her daughter, Claire, is clever and entertaining. But Rick is. . .he just adds this element to everything, an element of fun, yes, but something else she can't express.

Dashiell runs to Kate, brown eyes happy and joyful, weaving through tables to get to her. She embraces him back, pulls him up into her lap to kiss him. He wriggles to get down immediately, but he's got a wad of red in his hand, holding it out to her.

"What's that, baby?"

"Look at my tickets! Daddy teached me ski-ball and I did good!"

"Daddy taught you ski-ball and you did *very* well, wow. Good job, Dash."

Rick beams at her; he always loves it when she corrects Dashiell's grammar, repeating back his own statements in the right way. She rolls her eyes at Castle - always a writer - but she's grinning. Castle leans in and kisses her forehead, then moves to Ellery.

They've been sitting at the table with Vickie and Claire for the last ten minutes, the girls coloring with crayons on the children's menus. Castle pulls out the chair between Kate and Ella while Austin sits between Graham and Tate on the other side of the round table. Vickie is on Kate's left, but Dashiell worms between his parents and they end up dragging a chair over for him.

She half-listens to Dashiell report on their afternoon playing video games, the rest of her attention on Castle as he patiently interrogates their daughter. Trying to get her to talk. Ellery's back to giving nods and winning smiles instead of words, but Rick runs his fingers over the crown of her head, kisses her cheek, praises her coloring.

Such a good daddy. He's not serious about having a third, is he? She didn't think so, but he keeps jokingly bringing it up and. . .

No. Surely not.

Three? That's asking for trouble.

Kate brings her attention back to Dashiell, reaches out to take the tickets from him. "Yeah, baby, I'll put them in your bag so you don't lose them."

"Thanks, Mommy. Can I have fish sticks? Daddy says I'll like fish sticks."

"Sure."

"I don't see hot sauce. Is there hot sauce? I don't think I'll like fish sticks without hot sauce."

"I brought some," Kate says, reaching for the bag under her chair. "I knew you'd want it."

"Mommy, you're a genius!"

She laughs as she unzips the bag, dumps his tickets inside, looks for the hot sauce. "Of course I am." Where did he hear that one?

"Hey, now. Dash, you said *I* was a genius," Castle says, leaning in from the other side. "Who's the real genius?"

"Can't you both be geniuses?" Dashiell grumbles, tilting his head to look at his father.

"No," they both say.

Dashiell startles, glancing back to his mother, then to his father. "No?"

Kate grins at Castle over her son's head. "I guess we can. Just different kinds of genius."

Dash frowns at that, speculating on the nature of genius, she guesses, and he reaches up to scratch at his forehead.

Kate grabs his fingers. "No, baby. Don't scratch your stitches."

"They itch."

"They're gonna itch for awhile," she says, sighing. "It means your skin is growing back together."

Dashiell gives her an awed look. "My skin is growing! Whoa. Cool."

Castle laughs at that, draping an arm over the back of Dashiell's chair. "Well, your skin is always growing, kiddo."

"Always?"

"All the time. It's supposed to. It has to be flexible enough to let you move, and also hard enough to keep out germs and stuff."

"Hard *and* flexible," Dashiell says, poking at his arm and watching his skin bounce back. Kate watches it go from whiteish to yellow to pink in the space of a nanosecond. Like it's supposed to.

"Hey, you've got some color, wild man." Kate brushes her thumb over his arm, lets him see the colors come through until it's back to a faint tan again.

"Cool. Why's it do that?"

"You're pushing the blood out of your skin for a second. And then it rushes back," Kate answers, squeezing Castle's wrist when she can tell he's going to give a goofy, silly answer. A made-up answer. He does that a lot - tells a story instead of telling the truth.

Castle narrows his eyes at her, flips his wrist to grab her hand, both of their arms on the back of Dashiell's chair. He tugs and she leans in as he does, presses her mouth to his, happy.

"Missed you," she says finally, because she needs to say it, needs him to know.

His eyes are crisp like the sky, blue and brilliant. "Love you," he says back.

Ellery knocks her water over, sending waves across the table; Castle jumps up for napkins and Kate silences Dashiell's evil cackle with a thump to his ear.

"Don't laugh at your sister."

The moment is gone, but Kate remembers she's supposed to talk to Castle about Rafe. Alexis's friend. She remembers when Alexis moved from her on-campus apartment with the girls to the little two bedroom, sharing the space with Rafe. A chef who was almost never at home the same time as Alexis, Rafe seemed an ideal house mate - mostly absent.

Something has changed anyway. He may still work all hours and late into the night, but clearly Alexis sees enough of him to know she likes him.

To know he likes her. Loves her. Wow. A boy is in love with Allie.

Kate bites her lip on a grin.

Castle finishes mopping up the water and a waitress is over to collect the wet napkins, a new cup (this time with a lid) placed in front of Ella. The girl looks embarrassed to have spilled, and Kate gets that anxious feeling in her chest, the same kind of anxious she knows Ella is feeling for having made a mess of things; Kate wants to hug her and tell her it's no big deal.

Just at that moment, Rick leans over and kisses Ellery's cheek with a loud smack, saying something to her that Kate can't hear, and then Ella giggles and wraps an arm around her father's neck.

Kate's chest eases; she lets up her grip on Dashiell, who is, she hears now, whining at how hard she's squeezing his arm.

Well, he probably deserves it. And he's only whining, not actually hurt.

Kate leans over and snags Rick's shirt, pulling his attention towards her. "Hey."

"What?"

"When we get back, I need to talk to you."

"Okay," he says, half-turned back to Ellery before he catches the look on her face and does a double-take. "Why?"

"No, no. Not bad. Alexis called me."

"Oh, she called me too."

"She told you?"

"Told me what?" His eyebrows raise and Kate waves him off.

"Later. It'll keep."

Of course he's not cool with that - he's too curious for anything to keep. But Ellery is tapping his shoulder impatiently, and the waitress is back to take their orders.

Castle sighs. "Later," he says, pointing his finger at her. Using his dad voice.

She grins to herself, studies the menu. She's not sure when he started using that on her, like it would work (oh, it does though, no use denying it), but lately it's come out a lot more. Like when Dashiell cut open his head. And it does something to her, as if it can make the urgent and domineering voice inside her shut up and sit down.

She's never had anyone able to. . .control her before. Not that he is. He's not controlling her. He just. . .helps her keep control. Strange, she used to be able to do that on her own.

But after Dashiell was born, there wasn't any place to hide, no place to keep those walls. Her son asleep against her chest, her little boy needing her - there aren't any walls; walls can't exist in that place. And with those walls in rubble at her feet, there went Rick Castle, walking right inside.

(Of course, she thinks maybe he was inside all the time, had been, and that it was that case they suffered through together, shared, that showed her that - how they were already linked.)

So maybe she's defenseless against them, but they make her stronger. Rick Castle makes her stronger.

Strange how that's happened.


	42. Chapter 42

Ellery winds up crawling into Kate's arms for the last half of dinner. Clearly exhausted, she presses her face into her mother's chest and sighs. Kate abandons her food and rubs a hand up and down her daughter's back, her chin on top of Ella's head. The grilled fish was good enough, but she's not that hungry - she ate the rest of Ellery's ice cream this afternoon.

Dashiell has inhaled his chicken tenders; Castle is still getting through his meal rather slowly, talking with Austin and Graham about some video game. Dash keeps his eyes on them, following the conversation as best he can, interjecting his own opinions which his father seems to not only tolerate, but encourage. Vickie has turned most of her attention to Tate, leaving Kate alone with her daughter.

Ellery's eyes droop as she leans against her mother, her mouth open, and a little fist curls around the strap of Kate's tank top.

Castle glances over at them, as if to check where his family is, and then he goes back to talking about the game. Kate brushes a hand down the side of Ellery's face, pushes the hair back behind her ear, over and over, cradling the girl to her. Warm and sleepy on her lap, smelling like sunscreen and baby sweat and the applesauce from dinner.

Kate kisses Ellery's forehead, presses her lips to her baby's hair, breathes her in. After a few minutes, she lifts her head and reaches out to snag Rick's sleeve.

When he turns to look at her, she can see his eyes go from absorption with his conversation to a kind of soft regard, a shift that takes longer because he apparently is excited about this video game. Halo or Reach or something. Who knows.

"Kate?"

"We should go," she murmurs. "Soon."

He glances down to Dashiell still sitting between them, notes the boy's effort to keep his head up. "Yeah. You're right."

Kate drops out of the conversation again, leaning back in her chair, letting Castle handle everything. She's managed to apply her interrogation room techniques to his charity and social events, so she't not helpless when it comes to pleasantries, to keeping up appearances, but she's suddenly worn out. She doesn't want to have to deal with it. And Castle always can - Castle derives energy just from being around people.

He's closing out his conversation with Austin, and flagging down the waitress to get the check (she smiles into Ella's hair when Austin tries to fight him over it, but that's Castle's rule: he pays).

"No point in arguing with him," Kate says, lifting her head when it seems to go on. "I've learned he always gets his way. About the money at least."

Vickie laughs at that, reaching across the boys to snag her husband's hand, a way of stilling his next protest. Austin sighs and relinquishes the fight.

Castle is, of course, so very proud of himself for being able to take care of it. He likes that, Kate realizes suddenly. As if this is a new thing, a revelation. But it kind of is. Castle likes taking care of the people who mean something to him. When he first started tagging along with her, she assumed the espresso machine and all the little things were ways of getting into her bed.

(Well, they worked.) But they weren't throw away gifts; it wasn't flashing money to awe or impress her. It's his way of caring for her, of showing Vickie and Austin that this time has meant something to him. How has she never really understood that before?

Maybe some part of her has understood. When he presented her with two pairs of expensive sunglasses last summer, when he took her to Bloomingdale's a couple months ago, when he surprised her with a new dishwasher (it doesn't sound romantic, but oh, it was. She's the one who ends up doing the dishes, since he cooks most of the time, and the old one was a pain in the ass.) All these little things she's graciously accepted from him - all part of it. So maybe she does understand.

They both end up having to carry a sleepy child out of the restaurant, but Dashiell perks up when they get outside under the stars and away from the people. They say good-bye to Vickie and Austin, and they load the kids into the back. Ellery is already asleep and too heavy for Kate to feel comfortable lifting her up into the seat, so she waits until Castle has Dash strapped in and can help.

When she passes the little girl over to him, the brief contact of the three of their bodies, warm in the darkness, clenches at Kate's heart. She has a hard time letting go, and for an instant, a fierce clutch of need rises in her.

And then it subsumes, and Kate is left standing beside the car, staring at Rick's back as he carefully works the safety restraints around Ella's arms.

When he turns back around and shuts the car door, he gives her a look, questioning.

No. But. . . "Do you really want a third?" she murmurs, not sure if she should even bring it up. "A fourth? I mean, at this point, it's four, isn't it?"

"Counting Alexis-"

"She always counts."

He chuckles and drops his hands to her shoulders, pulls her in for a hug. "Do you?"

"I'm asking you."

"You brought it up-"

"No, Castle, you brought it up. Joking about it like it's bound to happen."

"I was only really trying to mess with Dash. If anything, I figured we'd get the kids a dog or something."

A little something silly cracks in her heart and Kate forces herself to laugh with him, but she's breathless, and he can tell. He can always tell.

"But, Kate. Say the word, and I'm there."

"Vickie says three is harder than two, and not just harder by one more. Everything is different."

"She also has a kid with autism, but yeah. I can see that being true."

"I don't want to feel outnumbered. And Alexis already helps us so much, but she'll have a family of her own-"

"Well, that's a surefire way of killing the mood. Thanks, babe. Now I'm not only inundated with horrifying images of my daughter having kids, but I'm also feeling way too old for this."

Kate laughs at him, recognizes exactly what he's done by joking at his own expense (saved her; he's saved her), and she lifts on her toes and presses her open mouth to his, trapping whatever else he might have wanted to say.

His fingers slide under her tanktop and settle on her waist, his body leaning over to meet hers. She can rock back on her heels and take her time, brush her hands over his chest and trail up to his neck, thumbs at the skin in front of his ears, fingers in his hair.

When he parts from her, it's not for long, just a fraction of space before he's nuzzling his mouth against her jaw, her cheek, sighing as he breathes her in. She stills, lets him have the moment, enjoying it herself, before she drops her hands from him and steps back.

"Speaking of Alexis-"

"Oh yeah. She got in touch with you."

"She did." Kate slides a hand into his back pocket, wriggling an eyebrow at him, and takes out his keys. She wants to get in the flirting while she can, before she brings up Alexis's new boyfriend. Whom she lives with. "I'm driving."

Castle takes a long look at her, reading entirely too much in her every move. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"Well." Kate shrugs, tries not to grin to widely at him. "Let me tell you a story first. Then we'll see how it goes."

* * *

><p>Castle slumps in his seat and waits for Kate to get herself situated. She adjusts the mirrors and seat and fiddles with the radio, leaving it on some soft Americana station that croons Josh Ritter. He glances back at the kids and they're both asleep; Dash has slumped so far over that he's bound to wake with a crick in his neck.<p>

Kate pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main highway, then reaches across the SUV to fumble for his hand. Castle shakes his head but takes her hand, squeezing it. Waiting on her.

"So here's a story," she starts, her voice low. He'd be looking forward to this - it's not often Kate tells him stories (usually when she does, they're naughty and whispered in his ear) - but he has a feeling she's buttering him up for some news he won't like.

"Once upon a time," she murmurs.

He laughs, releases her hand when she tugs on it, watches her change lanes to get around a slower moving car. She puts her elbow on the armrest and dangles her hand in the space between them, her fingers wriggling for his.

Castle appeases her, slides his hand in hers so that they're joined over the center console, fingers lacing together.

"There was this boy - this man - who fell in love with a girl."

Okay, he seriously has no idea where she's going with this. Sometimes her dirty stories *do* start out like this.

"The girl didn't see it. She thought they were friends. Good friends. But just. . .friends."

Is this about them?

"The boy was patient. He teased her to hide how he felt, but he was always there. Waiting. The girl dated other boys, looking for something she couldn't seem to find."

It *is* about them.

"And then one day, she's restless with her boyfriend (who never pays enough attention to her), and she turns around and - and there he is."

Castle squeezes her hand, kisses it, watches her beautiful face in the moonlight, the headlights of the cars limning her cheekbones golden and glorious, her eyes sparks of stars in the nightsky of her irises.

"There he is. And she realizes her best friend is in love with her."

Huh. Had she known that? Even then? He thinks she didn't want to know it. So-

"Alexis is in love with her best friend."

"What?"

"Rafe. Rafe and Alexis are-"

"What?" He knows he's practically crushing her hand, but his surprise, his astonishment makes it impossible to ease up. "Alexis is - Rafe lives with her. What happened to Mike?"

"Rafe lives in the apartment with her, Castle." He can hear in her voice what she doesn't say: _Calm down; she's 23 years old._ "He's in love with her. Couldn't you see it the last time we went?"

He slows his breathing, focuses on the way her hand feels in his, ignores the pulse of knee-jerk suspicion and malevolence now directed at Rafael Torres. Rafe, the chef who made them all dinner one night, fancy sure, but even the kids wanted to eat it. Rafe, the one who kept looking at Alexis like-

"Like I look at you," he grumbles, admitting the truth.

"Like you-?" She glances at him quickly, then puts her eyes back on the road. "He looks at her like that. Yes. Yes he does."

"Damn," he murmurs. "This is it, then."

"Well. It's not it. I mean, something could happen-"

"She loves him back?"

"I guess. She didn't exactly get into it. But Castle, she sounded happy on the phone. She hasn't sounded. . .carefree in a long time you know."

"What about her friend Alisha? I thought she was living with them?"

"No, no she never was," Kate says, then sighs. "I think. . .I think maybe we let you believe that. I'm sorry. I knew it had ended up this way. Just the two of them. But I'd seen his face, Rick. The way he looked at her. Like you said. And how could I be worried-?"

"You should've told me," he sighs. Same old Kate. Same old argument. When does it stop hurting so much? The fact that she plans things out behind his back, that she works so hard to protect him when all he needs is for her to include him on things, let him in?

She's silent beside him. He knows it's because he sounds weary, and he is. He's weary of these same stupid obstacles. Why does she keep doing it? If he'd been told that Alexis was moving in with Rafe, that plans with all the other girls had fallen apart, how could it have been so bad?

"You're. . .mad at me," she says slowly.

"Not even mad anymore," he sighs, tracing the edge of the window with his finger. "It's gone past being mad at you, Kate. It's just. . .resignation."

She's frowning into the windshield when he finally turns to look at her.

"It wasn't intentional this time. At some point, I realized that you still thought Alisha lived with her, and I knew I had to say something but there wasn't a good time and then - then I forgot. I - we had other things and I just. . .it slipped my mind."

"Yeah," he murmurs. And he does believe her. It's just. . .like it always is. That suddenly feels so damn depressing. Nothing changes. It's just-

Well, no. That's not at all true, is it? Things do change. They both have changed. Kate's not the same Detective Beckett he followed around like an immature (but charming) asshole. She's not the same woman who told him, when she came back from that first doctor's appointment, that she wasn't sure she could do this.

But she could do this, she does it every day. They do this together.

He sits up, clenches her hand tighter. "Yeah. Okay." She said it earlier - his daughter is old enough to have a family of her own. Soon. Not now, please God, but soon.

"Rick."

"I'm good. I'm. . .in shock. But I'm getting there."

She shoots him another inquisitive look, but he can smile at her now; he brings her hand to his lips and kisses it, thankful for her. For all of it.

"I'm not mad at you," he says. "I hate things going on without me. Without knowing. Everything getting planned and talked about and settled before I even have a chance."

"Nothing's settled or planned, Rick. It's just something that happened. You know what that's like."

"I. . .I do."

"You're going to be nice to him, aren't you?"

"Nice to him?" He senses another thread here. A story she hasn't told.

"Oh. Yes. He's coming down with her. Here. Rafe is flying-"

"He's butting in on our vacation?"

She darts a look his way, eyes narrowed. "Castle."

"Give me a minute," he growls back, shutting his eyes. Rafe is horning in on their vacation. No. No, give it a chance. Rafe is. . .escorting her home to her family. See? All in the word choice.

"You be nice, Richard Castle," Kate says suddenly. "Remember my story? Who did you think I was talking about?"

"Us. But you weren't. You were talking about-"

"Them. Think of him as your younger, handsomer self."

"Handsomer? You are just all about the mortal wounds tonight."

"You deserve it. Rafe is you. What you were. In love with a woman you thought would never see you."

"Shit, you're killing me, Kate."

"Good," she says with relish. "Because I saw you, Castle. And now, so has Alexis. Don't make it harder on them because it's already so difficult."

It is. He knows that too. Being so in love with someone who loves you like a friend but isn't sure how else, where else, what else, and then-

"I'm glad you saw me," he says finally. "And I'll do my best, Kate, but I can't promise-"

"Promise for us. For where we used to be. Do it for us."

He swallows hard, pushes his head against the seat, thinks of that beautiful, smart, unapproachable Beckett. And now his beautiful, smart, entirely approachable Kate.

"Okay," he says finally. "I will."


	43. Chapter 43

Kate finds him in the living room with the sliding glass door open to the breeze, the sound of the ocean blanketing them. Castle glances up at her, his head against the back of the couch, and she drops her hand on his forehead, brushes the hair back from his eyes.

"Writing?" she murmurs, leaning over to kiss the skin that's been furrowed in concentration, smoothing it out with her lips. Rick lifts a hand and slides it through her hair, scratching at her scalp before letting her go.

"Yeah. And I want to show this to you."

"I don't like spoilers-"

"No, not the book, it's actually a mock cover for something else. Something new."

She pauses as she rounds the couch, eyeing him, the delight suffusing his face. "Yeah?"

Rick gestures towards the space beside him and she comes closer, drops down next to him. He shifts so that the laptop rests on one of her knees, then minimizes his document. Behind it is an open browser window with a full screen image of a book cover.

As far as covers go, it's not entirely descriptive, but it has a distinctly young adult flair. A woodblock print of a boy's silhouette with a magnifying glass and a pen (a pen?) done in two toned blue. Contemporary, clever, interesting. Rick's name in a tall font at the top, the name of the book at the bottom: _Felix._

Kate raises an eyebrow at him, rests her hand on the laptop to steady it. "Felix? What is this?"

"The title's not set yet. But Black Pawn is. . .publishing a young adult series. A new character. Of mine."

She can see excitement in him, but also a faint unease. "His name's Felix," she murmurs, grinning at him. "Felix what?"

"I don't know yet," he sighs and looks down at the book cover. "I've only written a few chapters. I signed a three book contract, so it's a done deal, but. . ."

"What's wrong?" she says softly, glancing back at the book cover. It's a different feel for him, not just because it's children's, but also because the cover art is less traditional. The book might be as well.

"Kate, I. . .I based him on our son."

She glances up at him; he's wincing as if expecting the worst. But she's already seen his eagerness, read it in his eyes. He's been working on this, this book, not Nikki Heat. Which makes more sense now, because he doesn't usually start going at a Heat novel until well into spring. Last minute, as always.

"Okay," she says finally, not sure what's wrong with him.

"You don't mind?"

"Mind?" She glances again to the cover, a pen and a magnifying glass in the boy's hands. Ah, a combination of them. Cute. "Is Felix the name of a detective writer too?"

"Sort of. One of the earliest mysteries in the English language was written by Charles Felix, a pseudonym for Charles Warren Adams. Before even Wilkie Collins's Moonstone. Anyway, it's a tribute to that, and I think it sounds fun, but."

"It does sound fun. Reminds me of the cat."

"Eh," he grumbles and strokes the side of the keyboard with his fingers. So he's still worried about something. She's not sure what.

"Okay, so he's modeled after Dash. Sensory stuff too? Or just, you know, name-wise and personality."

"Oh, some of it is in there. The sensory stuff, but I don't give him a diagnosis or label or anything. Like we haven't for Dash. It's just stuff he deals with. He's actually. . .see, the thing is. . .what I don't know if it will work or not, and I need your help deciding, is that. . ."

"Spit it out, Castle."

When still he hesitates, Kate lifts her hand and brushes her fingers against his neck, propping her arm on the back of the couch. He sighs and sort of melts into the cushions.

"He's their son too," he says finally. "In my head he is. But I don't know if I should-"

"Whose?" she prompts, nudging his ear with her fingers, her thumb hovering over the soft baby hairs on his earlobe. "Whose son?"

"Nikki and Rook's."

"Oh." She blinks and leans in to him, kisses his jaw. "That's. . .I love that."

"Yeah?" He turns and her fingers brush his cheek; she smudges her thumb under his eye, noticing for the first time the dark circles, the puffiness. "I know that the Heat series hasn't gotten them that far; I know it's way way out there too, I mean. It might not even seem in character for them to have kids at all, but it lets this one be set sort of in the future, so Felix has these cool gadgets and stuff-"

"I love it," she murmurs and moves to press her mouth against the signs of his distress, his anxiousness, feeling his eyelashes as he closes his lids. She moves away long enough to speak. "I love that you're getting them there. You could've listened to your agent and the publisher and kept it safe, but the risk. . .the risk brings such great rewards, Castle."

She feels his hand come up between them and curl around her neck, keeping her close. She wouldn't move anyway, curled up on the couch next to him, his need and his desire and his love for her all wrapped up together into this complicated man and yet, so very simple.

He did it for her, she knows that. He's ignoring the best advice, ignoring the critics, and he's slowly giving Nikki Heat what she deserves - a life. Love.

Not closure, but a chance to move forward, to create something instead of watching everything get destroyed. And Kate isn't sure why she needs that for a fictional character, why it's so important, but Castle seems to understand. So Nikki grows ever closer to that moment. . .to Felix.

"Felix," she says softly, laying her head against his shoulder. "I think you can make it work, Castle. Does he solve crimes?"

"Yeah."

"Are his parents clueless about his hobby?" she chuckles.

"Yeah, see, that's where I'm having trouble. He'd be as independent and curious as they are, wouldn't he? So I think, yeah, he gets into some trouble, but no kid wants to read about a boy detective who asks his parents for help."

"No, no they don't," she agrees. Kate lifts her head to balance her chin on his shoulder, kisses the side of his neck where she can reach. "So, pretty clueless, huh?"

"Guess so. Which irritates me. Would Rook really-"

"You're not Rook."

He sighs.

"And I'm not Nikki. We wouldn't be clueless. But an independent boy running down clues in New York. . .reminds me of of that Foer book. Remember?"

"Yeah," he nods and shuts the lid of his laptop, dislodging her spot on his shoulder to put the computer on the coffee table. When he leans back, she curls around him, sliding her arm across his ribs and drawing her knees up against his thigh.

"Remember how his mother was really still watching over him? Even though he felt like he was doing it all on his own?"

"Oh, that might work. If he has a few adults who help him out. Yeah, that's good. I mean, his parents *could* know a little, right? They could know he's helping his friends at school or whatever."

"Does he get in serious trouble?"

"There's some serious trouble," he says, grinning at her. "Not any good unless he's risking it, right?"

"Okay. So yeah, I think it's okay if they know their son is doing some of this. Nikki's a cop, so what if she's trained him-?"

"Oh. Wow, I should've asked you about this a long time ago. That's perfect. Regular sparring with his mom. Cool." Castle reaches back for his laptop, so she moves away, watches him eagerly get back into it. He types a few notes to himself, and then she sees a whole scene spread out before him, like a vision, and he's already writing, already gone.

Kate sighs, biting her lip on a smile, and ruffles his hair as she stands up. "I'm gonna take a bath and read."

Castle hums a little, maybe in acknowledgement or maybe just in a reflexive response. It's easier to be amused by him when she's on vacation, she realizes. If they were at home and she'd been curled up next to him, doing things *his* way, only to have him ignore her in favor of writing again. . .yeah, she probably wouldn't be amused right now.

But this gives her the chance to relax in a hot bath, be lazy and restful and still for awhile. She's in the middle of one of his books, of course, but it's on the ipad and she's not taking that into the bath with her.

"I'm going to borrow one of your paperbacks," she adds, grinning to herself as she stands over him. He hates it when she reads any of his books in the bath; she gets damp fingerprints all over and warps the pages. Kate likes her books to look like they've been read, to feel comfortable and homey, but Castle wants to keep them pristine.

When he says nothing, she leans over and touches her tongue to his ear. "I'm going to get them all wet," she purrs.

Castle jerks, clutching at his laptop as it slips, gives her a startled look. "You're wet?"

She grins wide, keeps from laughing only by digging a fingernail into her palm, and brushes her hand against his forehead. Smooths his hair back. "Not yet, stud. Keep at it. I'm taking a bath."

"Oh. Oh, a bath." He blinks and looks down at the laptop, then back at her, clearly torn. She's impressed that she at all competes with the lure of words.

"It'll keep. Come find me when you're all written out, Castle."

* * *

><p>Castle writes eight pages of pure scene - and then a few more of outlines for the next couple of chapters - and then back to that scene, which morphs into a longer one with Felix and his mother, Nikki, sparring in their home gym. He feels more confident about writing the kid now that he's talked it over with Kate-<p>

And speaking of Kate.

Castle puts his laptop on the counter of the bar to keep it out of his kids' reach, then goes hunting for her.

It's been hours since he got lost in the writing, and Kate's finished her bath and is in their bed, curled up around a pillow, book spread over her arm, fast asleep.

Castle kneels down beside her, slowly eases the book out - one of his, The Preservationist, damp and wrinkled a little, the minx - and sticks a receipt into the spot where her arm was playing at bookmark. He lays it on the bedside table and turns back to his wife.

Kate's mouth is parted, her chin buried into her shoulder. Her dark lashes sweep her cheeks, her hair in a mess around her face, still half pulled back for the bath but falling down. Her make-up is all gone, even the eyeliner and mascare, so it's just the natural glow of her skin from the recent sun, the beauty mark under her eye and at her cheekbone, the little scar at her jaw that no one ever sees unless they've been as close as he is now, close enough to catalog every minor imperfection.

These are the things he loves the most. The things he gets to see that she usually covers up or that don't get seen because no one studies her that closely - the blood blister at her elbow, the patch of skin that flakes over her eyebrow, the knot in her shin, the shadows under her cheekbones, the stretch marks that feather her hips, the scars which circle her wrists and line her thigh. He loves these things because they make her beauty hurt less, they make her beauty deeper, they make her human and fallible and courageous and his wife.

He should've gotten over the creepy staring thing years ago. He just can't stop though. She fascinates him; every year that goes by layers another veil of experiences and regrets and triumphs, and when he sees these things and knows they are in part due to him, or because of him, or with him, it makes him-

happy. Deeply content. Rich.

To have her.

Since she sleeps like Dashiell, he won't touch her. Won't chance waking her up when she clearly needs more sleep. Kate's been getting up early to run or do reps of free weights in the gym, and he's pretty sure she's doing yoga from memory in the workout room too. She needed rest before they went on this vacation, and he wants to make sure she doesn't need rest *from* her vacation as well.

Castle gets off his knees, wincing as they pop when he stands, and heads for the bathroom. He gets ready for bed, decides to shower in the morning after he runs himself, and comes back to the bedroom to join her.

He turns out the light and slowly eases open the sliding glass door just a crack. It's so heavy that Dash could never push it open, even if the kid did disobey them and wander into their room instead of watch tv in the morning. He feels the warm beach air wash over him, dispelling the air conditioned chill of the condo, and he watches the darkness out over the water that isn't darkness at all, just a glitter of moonlight along blue-black waves and a silvery path up to the sky.

"Castle. . ."

He turns from the view to find Kate still asleep, apparently, or on the cusp of waking. Her lashes flutter and sweep upwards, float down again. She doesn't move; he's not sure she's even seen him.

He heads back to bed and slides carefully under the sheet, easing onto his back to stare up at the dim ceiling and the reflections of moonlight. He breathes precisely at first, trying not to wake her further, and then his rhythm evens out and he closes his eyes, still half-lost in visions of Felix at five or nine or twelve, his parents' clever and mystery-solving son.

He feels Kate stir beside him, opens his eyes and turns his head to look at her. She's still sleeping, but she turns in bed suddenly and curls up alongside him, her hand on his ribs, her nose nudging into the warm space between his cheek and neck.

Castle feels her breathing against him, the edge of her knee touching his thigh, her body curled just next to his. He can't help but lift his left arm and reach across his body to cup the back of her head, grateful and pleased and in love with her.

She sighs, her fingers curl a little, but she's still sleeping.

She's not Nikki Heat, no. She's more. More than he knew back then, more than he thought he knew when he found out her story, more than even the woman he finally convinced to marry him. More than his kids' mother, more than Alexis's substitute mother, more than a wife.

More, even, than his partner. But there's no word for it that he's ever found. Partner does the best it can to explain but doesn't even begin to bring with it all the nuances of this woman.

Partner doesn't give over the look on her face when he crawled into bed with her one late morning a few years ago. She stayed home from work for heartburn - that's what she said it was - intense heartburn, so bad she couldn't straighten up, couldn't take in a full breath - and he was just getting back from dropping Dash off at preschool. She looked at him, curled at his side just like this, and stroked a finger down his cheek.

"I know what we're having," she murmured.

"Oh?" He kissed her finger. "I thought we agreed not to find out. Did the doctor tell you?"

"He didn't. But. Never had this with Dash," she said and drew her knees up a little tighter into her chest. Only eight weeks along. "Heartburn every day, like a knife."

"I'm sorry," he said, and curled on his side to watch her face. She didn't look miserable at all, actually, just certain.

"I'm not," she replied, grinning at him. "This one's different." And she reached out for his hand, laced their fingers, and pulled their joined hands over her still mostly flat stomach. "This one's a girl."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Certain. She was certain. "A baby girl."

And he believed her.

Now, with the moonlight and the shadows under her cheeks, with the lithe figure of her body beneath the sheet and the touch of her soft, damp hair under his palm, she's that woman, the one who knew Ellery before Ellery was ever born, and also the woman five years ago who came straight to him after the doctor's appointment and didn't know if she could do this, and the one who sat out in the living room with him tonight and convinced him that he could do this, he could write this character like their son and do the thing justice. That woman, all of the moments.

The woman who loves him.


	44. Chapter 44

Kate wakes the moment the shower cuts on, winces at the sunlight streaming through the open sliding glass door. She turns over and checks the time. It's already nine. What time did Castle wake up if he's already showering? Today was his morning to run.

She swallows past the dryness in her mouth and closes her eyes for a moment, but her brain is already kicking into gear. She fell asleep early last night and can't remember waking once. She feels good. She needed this vacation.

No water for Dashiell again today. Kate should take him into town and look at Halloween decorations, walk around the square, check out stuff for them to do later this afternoon. She remembers seeing a billboard for a hay ride. And a haunted maze somewhere too. Dash would absolutely love that. So would Castle, actually.

Kate sits up with a yawn, lifts her arms over her head to stretch. She slides out of bed and into the bathroom, taps her fingers on the shower door as she passes, heading for the toilet.

"You're up?" he yells over the spray of the water.

"Yeah. What time did you get up?"

"Seven."

"Aren't you tired?" Kate flushes, washes her hands. Picks up her toothbrush.

"What?"

She rolls her eyes, brushes her teeth, ignoring him. But on her way out, she pops open the shower door and leans in. She can feel water misting her tshirt, her cheeks, but she gives Castle a slow and pleased grin; he drops his hands from his hair, sudsy. He looks stunned.

She gives him a moment to get it together, then puts one foot inside to get close enough to kiss him. His lips are hot, wet; she slips her tongue past his and puts one finger to his chest for balance. She feels the moment he moves to wrap his arms around her - she grabs his wrists to stay him, breaks the kiss.

"Not looking to get wet," she says, lifting an eyebrow so that he knows it's a double entendre.

Castle grins. "Darn. I'll have to get you later."

"Finish your shower; I'm going to check on your son."

* * *

><p>Dashiell is awake and watching Scooby Doo; he lights up when he sees her in the doorway.<p>

"Come here, Mommy."

Kate gives him a look for ordering her around, but she moves to his bed and sits beside him, snuggling down under the comforter next to him. Dashiell immediately turns and flops over her, giving a long sigh of happiness.

"Good sleep, kiddo?"

"Sure. Mommy, Ellery said you told her the story."

"I told her what story?"

"The stitches story. You didn't tell *me* the stitches story."

Oh darn. "I forgot, Dash. That's all."

"Tell me now?"

"Oh, sure. Okay. Well, before you were born-"

Dashiell pushes up to a sitting position, gives her a funny look. "What's before I was born?"

Kate laughs. "Baby, all kinds of things. You're only almost-five. I was a little girl once. Daddy was almost-five once too."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Gram says I'm just like Daddy."

"I bet you are." Kate nudges his knee with her fingers. "Okay, back to my story - so before you were born, Daddy and I were chasing after a bad guy at work-"

"Why Daddy chase a bad guy?"

Kate sits up against the headboard. "Because Daddy worked with me. Before you were born. We chased bad guys together."

Dashiell tilts his head, eyeing her suspiciously. "Mommy, is this a Castle story or a Beckett story?"

Kate presses her lips together to keep from laughing. "This is a true story, kiddo. A Beckett story."

"Oh. Daddy and you chased bad guys together?"

"Yes, baby. That's how I met Daddy." Roughly.

"When you were a little girl?"

She frowns. "No. . ."

"Mommy, you don't make sense."

Kate can't help laughing at that, but Dashiell gets a mulish look on his face, so she hurries to explain. "No, baby. After I was a little girl, but before you were born, Daddy worked with me at the police station."

"Can I see the stitches?"

"It's not stitches anymore, remember? It's now a scar. A few scars."

"Can I see?" Dashiell sits back on his feet and waits.

"Yeah, baby. Look." Kate flips back the comforter and pulls up the leg of her shorts, showing him the pale lines on her thigh that he's probably seen before. They're just not that noticeable any longer.

"Ooh, did it hurt?"

Uh. "Yeah."

"Did it hurt to get stitches?"

"Not really. Did it hurt you?"

Dashiell wrinkles his forehead, lifts his fingers to the bandage still covering his stitches. "No. Did it hurt getting the stitches out?"

"Not really. But you know, your stitches won't need to be taken out. They'll come out on their own."

"Daddy told me that too. He said I got to play arcade games because I got stitches," Dashiell says, then gets down on his stomach on the bed. He reaches out a finger and touches the line of scars on her leg. "Did Daddy take you fun places after you got your stitches too?"

Hmm. How to answer that? "Well. Yes." Kate winces but Dashiell doesn't ask where. Good thing. Because how in the world is she supposed to explain that *this* is where Castle took her? Here. To right now.

"Daddy got hurt too. Twins. You match."

"Yeah baby."

"Chasing a bad guy."

"That's right. Me and Daddy were chasing a bad guy, and we got hurt."

"Did you fall?"

"No."

"Then what did you do?"

"We. . ." Kate racks her brain for an explanation that won't scare him about her job. "We got stuck." Ug, not. . .whatever. This is the best she can do. "And we got hurt. And then Daddy got the bad guy."

"Daddy did?" He sounds incredulous and she has to laugh.

"Yeah. Daddy's good at chasing bad guys. In fact, when you two go back to school, Daddy is going to help me chase bad guys again. Just a few days during the week."

"Cool."

"I think so," Kate grins at him. He grins back and kicks his feet against the bed, his head propped up in his hands.

"Before I was a born-" Dash starts.

Kate sighs. She knew that would get him.

"Did you stay with your Daddy?"

She quirks her lips. "Well, when I was a little girl I did. But I wasn't always a little girl. I grew up. And then I lived in an apartment."

"With Daddy-"

"No. Not with Daddy either. I lived in my own apartment."

"Where was Daddy?"

"In his apartment."

"By hisself?"

"Himself. No, Daddy was with Alexis. And your Gram for awhile too."

Dashiell gives her a confused look; she can practically see his brain working to figure that out. "But you. . .your apartment is Daddy's apartment."

Ah, okay, that's why he's so mixed up. "Well, it wasn't before you were born. Daddy and I didn't live together before you were born. I had an apartment and Daddy was in the apartment we all live in together now."

"But. . .but why?"

Unh, okay. Um. "Because at first, I hadn't even met Daddy."

"If you lived with your Daddy when you were a little girl, and my Daddy now - who you live with in between?"

"Baby, I told you. I lived by myself. I lived with some friends in college, like Alexis does, and then I got my own place."

"Why didn't Daddy let you live with him at home?" Dashiell's chin wrinkles; he looks rather distraught actually.

Kate leans forehead and kisses his forehead. "Baby, it's okay. It wasn't my home then. We didn't know each other. But after we knew each other, then we did live together." Sort of. Kinda. Almost.

He doesn't seem pleased with that though. "But didn't Allie want you, Mommy? Didn't you want Allie?"

Oh. Oh, damn. How is she supposed to answer this one? "I always want Alexis." Shit. That doesn't explain anything. "Let's find Daddy and have him tell that story, okay Dash? Daddy's better at stories."

"Okay," he shrugs and crawls up closer to her, laying his head on the pillow beside her. "When you were all alone in your apartment, did you miss Daddy? Did you miss me?"

Kate sighs and curls on her side to look at her son, brush the hair away from his forehead. "I didn't know it was you and Daddy and Ella that I missed. But yeah, baby. I did."

"You and Daddy chased bad guys?"

"We did."

"And Daddy is going to chase bad guys when I go to school?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

Kate grins at him, pokes his belly. "Very cool."

"Does Daddy get a gun?"

"No."

"Oh. What if a bad guy chases Daddy instead? Won't Daddy need a gun?"

"No, baby, because I've got a gun. And even if a bad guy chased Daddy, I'm still chasing the bad guy. Daddy's my partner. I take care of him and he takes care of me."

"Oh. Okay," Dash says, then turns his eyes back to his cartoon. Looks like Kate is dismissed. She leans over and kisses his temple, smoothing her thumb along the spot. Dash grunts and bats her hand away; she's in his line of sight.

"You want to go with me today, Dash? Down to the square to look at Halloween decorations?"

"Sure. What about the waves?"

"No water for another day."

He sighs, lifts his hand to the bandage. "I wanna jump the waves, Mommy."

"Tomorrow, sweetheart." Kate watches him, but he's truly absorbed by Scooby Doo, the reflection from the tv in his eyes. She kisses him again and gets out of bed, heading for her own shower.

"Wait. Mommy?"

"Yeah, Dash?"

"Can you make Daddy come in here and tell me the story about Allie?"

"Yes, I'll do that." Kate slips out of Dashiell's room before he can ask any more questions.

It never occurred to her that her kids might one day ask about all this. But of course they deserve to know - she just doesn't want them to think Alexis isn't a part of their family. Or be worried about Castle's ex-wife - well, ex-wives - and now that Alexis doesn't live with them any more and she's so much older and-

Castle surprises her in the living room, wrapping his arms around her as she nearly collides with him.

"Good morning," he rumbles, smelling like wet soap and his aftershave.

"Mm, morning. You smell good."

He chuckles and draws his hands through her hair, pulling the pony tail out and massaging her scalp. Kate lifts into the embrace, hooks her arms around his neck to take his mouth, kissing deep into the taste of mint and water, the scent of his clean body.

Castle breaks first but settles his lips at the side of her mouth, nuzzling her, arms tight around her body. "You feel good."

She laughs softly and leans back. "Your son wants you to tell him a story."

"Oh?"

"I was trying to explain what it was like before he was born. He thought I went straight from living with *my* Dad to living with his Dad - you." Kate grins at him, lifting her eyebrows. "When I told him that I had my own apartment, he asked me why I didn't want to live with Alexis. And didn't Alexis and Daddy miss me and didn't I miss them. And didn't I want Alexis."

"What'd you tell him?" Castle says, loosening his arms so she can step back.

"I said that I always want Alexis. But that you had a good story to tell him about it."

"You chickened out," Castle grins.

"I did. What am I supposed to say to that? I mean, Alexis is their older sister, but it never really hit me that we'd have to explain that Alexis's mom isn't. . .me. Except I am, sorta, and-"

Kate lifts her eyes to him on a shrug and catches the burst of need in his eyes before he can control it. It strikes her like a blow to the solar plexus, leaving her breathless. How much he loves her, how wide and deep it is, how he loves that she loves Alexis. She never - it's not like it's *hard* to love Alexis - but he was always worried about her, and worried about how Kate would feel about his two failed marriages, and she doesn't even care, of course but. . .

Kate wraps her arms around him again, her fingers at his neck, her cheek to his jaw, holding him in. She feels him breathe heavily at her nape as he hugs her back. She's always surprised but how much baggage he carries around about those first two. "If you hadn't gone through those first two, Castle, you wouldn't have gotten here. We wouldn't have gotten here."

"I guess."

"I know," she says back. "Your idea, remember? Fate."

"I know," he says, and his lips press into her neck.

"Dash is old enough to know and understand," Kate murmurs, bringing him back to their conversation. "If you want to tell that story."

"Yeah. I guess he was really little the last time Meredith was in town?"

"Uh, actually. . .Meredith hasn't been back to the city since he was born. There was that time when I was pregnant, but she - um - she took off after that," Kate hedges. "She was in Chicago though, when Alexis first moved in."

"Wait a second. Meredith hasn't been back since - wait. Kate? What did you do?"

"Nothing." Much.

"Kate," he says with exasperation, and maybe some amusement. "You know you're-"

"I know. I knew then too. It wasn't about me. Leave it at that, Castle."

He huffs at her but drops it. She knows it won't be for long. He pulls back and gives her a long look, but she can tell he's already thinking about what story to tell Dashiell. "All right. Want to come with me and help tell this one?"

"Yeah. I wanna hear this one. Correct any errors." She lifts an eyebrow at him with a smile. "Oh, by the way. I was thinking I'd take him into town with me this morning. We can look for stuff to do for this afternoon, and you and Ella can go to the beach."

Castle grins widely, that far away look in his eyes that means he's envisioning his morning with his baby girl. "Yeah, I'd like that. Good idea. Is Ellery up yet?"

"Nope." She smiles back, pleased that he'll get some time with their daughter today. "We'll be back in time for a late lunch, around one or so?"

"We'll meet you back up here then."

Kate grins and lifts on her toes to kiss the side of his mouth. "You're a good daddy."

"And I get to go back to bed until she comes and gets me," Castle grins, giving a fist pump. "Sweet."

"All right, all right. Before you go back to bed, lazy bones, let's go tell Dash his story."

* * *

><p>Castle likes holding his wife's hand. Silly, yeah, a little girly too probably, but they both know that about him. Kate does more than indulge him these days; she's often the one reaching across the distance for his hand first. Which makes him happy too. That pleased little wriggle in his chest.<p>

And what in the world did Kate say to Meredith? He wonders if Alexis has gotten to see her mother at all recently. That actually bothers him a bit because he hasn't even considered it in so long a time and maybe he should have. He'll have to talk to Alexis about that when she gets here.

In the meantime. He squeezes Kate's hand and they head into Dashiell's room; Kate turns the television off even as Dash protests.

"Hey, buddy, first-" Castle has to let go so he can capture the kid before he jumps up, indignant. "Mommy said you were asking about me and Alexis, and Mommy not living with us."

Dash stills, glancing between the two of them, caught in his father's arms. He can tell it's more serious or important than just his harmless question. "Mommy, you said you always wanted Alexis."

Kate nods and sits down on the bed. "I do always want her."

Castle notices how she carefully uses the present tense, rather than the past as Dash has been. The kid might not pick up on that, but he's pretty sure that Dash senses it somehow. He stops struggling against Castle's arms and lets his father put him back on the bed.

Castle sits, leaning against the headboard, and invites Dash to sit between him and Kate. The boy crawls into the spot, using his father's knee and his mother's shoulder for help.

"My story?"

"All right. Do you remember going to Chicago to help your sister move?"

"Uhhh. . .no?"

Hm, okay. Well. "We were all there - all of Alexis's family - helping her move into her new apartment. It was me, your mommy, you, and even Ellery was there. Gram came with us. And Papa too. Papa watched you and Ella while me and Mommy helped load up the truck."

"Okay," Dash says with a shrug, looking less and less interested.

"There was someone else there too," Castle adds, watching his son. "Alexis's mother was there. Her name's Meredith."

Dashiell's little eyes cut immediately to Kate, as if worried about her in light of this new information. Castle is proud of his kid for that, even if Dash doesn't always seem to be very respectful, day in and day out. He's still a good kid, a good son, still wants to be sure his mom's all right.

"Meredith?" Dash says, working his mouth at the name and turning back to his father. "That's not Mommy's name."

"No. Mommy's name is-"

"Kate!" Dash says proudly.

"Right. Kate is your mommy. Ella's mommy. But Meredith is Alexis's mother."

"But Alexis. . .Allie is mine," Dash says fiercely. "She's mine and Ella's and Mommy's and yours, Daddy."

"She is mine. And she is yours. And Mommy's and Ella's. Yes. But first, she was Meredith's and mine."

Dashiell looks oddly horrified by that thought. Castle reaches into his back pocket, awkwardly moving in Dash's bed, and pulls out his phone. He calls up the talent agency that Meredith is affiliated with and finds one of her head shots, shows Dash the image on his phone.

"That's Meredith."

"Mommy. . ." Dash says, turning his eyes to Kate in something that looks like anxiousness.

"There's nothing wrong, baby," Kate says, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his cheek. "Absolutely nothing wrong. Before you were born, remember?"

"But Daddy had Alexis at home and not you?" Dashiell's mouth turns down. "I don't want Meredith."

Kate gives Castle a look. "You don't have anything to do with Meredith."

"But Daddy had Meredith and Alexis and not you!"

Castle sighs. "Believe me, buddy. I tried to have Mommy. Mommy's very stubborn."

Kate snorts at him, slapping his shoulder over Dashiell's head. Dash eases up a little, glancing between them.

"When Alexis was really little," Castle continues. "Meredith moved away. So it was just me and Alexis for long time. I didn't even have Meredith, kiddo. Alexis. . .well, she didn't have Meredith all that much either."

Kate sighs.

He wonders if *that's* what they got into that last time Meredith was in the city. He knows that Kate and Alexis got pretty close when Kate was pregnant with Dashiell and staying at the loft. He didn't realize it was that close.

"But Allie has Mommy now, right?" Dashiell says suddenly, evidently having worked out that much. "Allie has me and Ellery and Mommy and Daddy now?"

"Yes. Most definitely," Kate says, hugging Dash harder. "And she gets to see her mother sometimes too. She just gets to have one more person to love her. We can always have more people to love us."

"So my mommy isn't the same as her mommy. But. . .but Daddy is the same?"

"Yes." Castle waits, because he can tell Dashiell is still working it through in his head. He's a smart kid, but Ellery is the one who gets people, who has that instinct for relationships and how everyone fits together.

"I don't like that. She should have my same mommy." Dash turns to Kate with a fierce look on his face. "You're the best mommy."

Kate's face breaks open, and she wraps Dashiell in her arms, hugging him close, her eyes squeezed shut. Castle can see her lips move as she murmurs in Dash's ear; Castle grins at them, watches Kate's fingers sift through Dash's hair. He knows his own mother loves him like that, like Kate loves Dashiell, but it's just amazing to see, to be an outside witness to that bond. The fierce way Dash feels about Kate is how he feels about his own mother, and he's so very glad Kate is the mother of his kids.

But his son is right. Kate has been the best for Alexis; Kate's the one who has done the most to make Alexis the woman she is now. He knows that his daughter largely parented herself in her teen years - she was just so very mature. But even before he and Kate were together, it was Kate he went to for advice on how to handle his little girl's growing up.

So if Alexis has a new boyfriend - and best friend - he trusts that she's made the right choice. Because, on some level, Kate has had something to do with it.

And he trusts Kate with everything, all of it. His life, their kids, his daughter, his heart. All of it.

"You're my best boy," Kate says. "I love you so much."

But she's looking at him, now; her eyes are on Castle.


	45. Chapter 45

Castle doesn't go back to bed; he opts to write for an hour - more Felix mystery stuff. He gets to the end of a pretty good scene, then sends it off to his editor to look over. It's going in a different direction, but he likes it better; it's more comfortable to write.

He checks the time and closes the laptop, rests it on the counter again. Castle heads for Ellery's room, intent on waking her. Even though it *is* vacation, and that's kind of a rule they've always had. Or well, a rule he and Alexis had. Kate doesn't seem to fall in line with his rules that often.

The room is dim but even in the cave of Ella's bottom bunk, he can spot the little girl asleep at the foot of the bed, covers thrown off and hair wild around her face, curled around Totoro.

Ellery's been really careful with Toto these last few days, not letting him stray far from her room, not taking him too many places. She seems to have learned her lesson about losing him.

Castle gets on his knees next to the bed, plants his fists in the mattress, then bounces it. No response. He gets closer to the foot where Ellery is, then bounces the mattress again.

Her little eyes startle open, so very blue in the darkness, her mouth curling into a smile. He bounces the mattress again and she giggles.

"Time to get up, Ellery. You and me this morning."

"You and me?" she repeats and lifts her head.

"Yup, so get on up. Time for breakfast. I'm starving. I waited as long as I could."

"Pancakes?" she asks hopefully, uncurling from around Totoro and crawling towards her daddy. "Please?"

"All right, all right, pancakes. But only because you're my littlest girl," he says, leaning in to kiss her nose, scoop her up.

Castle ducks out from under the top bunk and swings Ellery up onto his shoulder, jiggling her. "Come on, cricket. I like these words you've got this morning."

She's still giggling, clutching his shoulder as he bounces her into the bathroom. He lets her slide down his side and get to her feet on the floor. Her bare toes curl, little tiny pink things against the cold tile.

"Gotta pee, Daddy," she says and lifts her shirt so she can push down her pajama pants.

"Yeah, do that and wash hands, then come find me in the kitchen. Can you reach the sink?"

She shakes her head no. Castle glances around but they didn't bring a stool.

"Yell for me when you're done. I'll lift you up." Castle sees her nod, so serious now, and he leans in and kisses her forehead, brushing her hair back. "Good girl."

He heads for the kitchen to make her pancakes.

* * *

><p>Ellery climbs into his lap to eat, her face sticky with syrup and more often than not abandoning her fork to use her fingers. He's made her a Totoro-shaped pancake (badly), a Mickey Mouse, a smiley face, and a snowman, and she shares pieces with him as well. So now Castle's chin and neck are sticky too.<p>

But he wouldn't trade it for the world.

When she's finished eating, he sets her on her feet and races her back to the bathroom to help her wash her hands, her face. Then she uses the washcloth to scrub at his face, his hands, giggling like crazy. Castle rubs her hand against his cheek so she can check and make sure all the sticky syrup is gone, and Ellery gives a nod to confirm his cleanliness. She giggles at him and links her arms around his neck; he gives her a piggy back ride into her room to get her changed into a swimsuit.

Same one from yesterday - they forgot to get her new ones after the drama surrounding Dash's stitches. But Ellery doesn't seem to mind putting the same, still-damp suit back on. Dash would've had a fit.

"Sunscreen, baby girl," he murmurs, plucking the spray can off the counter where Kate left it. She's followed him back out into the kitchen. He glances down and sees her mutinous look, remembers what Kate told him about that. "Oh, you're not a baby, are you? You're a big girl. Forgive me."

Ellery grudingly comes closer, shutting her eyes and holding out her arms to the side. Castle sprays her down with the aerosol sunblock, making sure he layers it pretty thick on her shoulders and neck. When he's done, she squints open one eye to make sure the ordeal is over.

"Okay, little cricket. Time for your face." Castle puts the spray on the counter and hunts for the face cream; Kate bought a special tube of it for babies. Well, no, not babies, right? Ellery would be indignant.

"Here, Daddy," Ella says, tugging on his hand. He follows her into their bedroom; she finds the bottle of sunblock in with Kate's make-up on the floor of the bathroom. Why did Kate leave her make-up in the floor? That's just asking for Ella to get into it. She loves Kate's stuff - all of it - shoes, make-up, clothes.

"Smart girl. All right. Let me sunscreen you up."

Ellery offers him her puffed up cheeks with an upward tilt of her face; he uses a small amount on his fingers to carefully smear it across her forehead, nose, and cheeks. He leaves a white dab on her chin, then picks her up to see in the mirror.

Her dark hair is mussed from the sunscreen too; Ella lifts her chin and rubs it in herself, then claps. "All good, Daddy."

"Thank you, bab-" He stops, lifts an eyebrow. "Cricket. I guess if Allie is pumpkin, then cricket is gonna stick. Sorry about that. But Mommy started it."

"Mommy started it," she repeats, giving him a little shrug of her shoulders and sly little grin. So very expressive. A face for everything. Castle lets her get down, then herds her towards the door.

She starts galloping forward, the pink ruffles on her black swimsuit bouncing, her hair shiny, and she stops at the door, waiting on him, looking excited to be going.

Castle's already in his trunks and a tshirt, so he grabs a couple towels and glances at the beach bag that Kate always takes down with her. He can't imagine needing all that much stuff for just a few hours on the beach, so he leaves it in the floor, sticks his key card in the velcro side pocket, and picks up his little girl.

He opens the door and steps outside. "All right, little cricket, let's go to the beach."

"Beach," she murmurs, twisting around to watch the birds in the sky as Castle carries her down the open-air hallway. "Daddy, look."

"I see. Birds. They're seagulls. They look hungry."

"No pancakes," she says.

"Yeah, no pancakes for the birds. Just for humans."

"Feed 'em?"

Castle laughs and lets her down so she can press the call button for the elevator. She holds his hand like a good girl and peers around his leg to look out at the birds. Her eyes are so blue against the dark frame of her hair.

"No, we shouldn't feed them. They get plenty of food."

"Please?"

"Sorry, cricket. We'd have too many birds to handle and then we couldn't play on the beach. They'd follow us around everywhere. Like the pigeons at your swings, in the park."

"Oooh," she murmurs, looking up at him with those wide blue eyes. "No good, Daddy."

"That's right. Really no good." The elevator dings and slides open; Castle puts his hand to the back of her head and guides her inside. She slaps the button for the lobby without any prompting; she must be watching, paying attention.

"Smart girl," he says. "That's an L for Lobby."

"L."

"Yup. You have an L in your name too. Do you know what letter it starts with?"

She tilts her head and looks up at him like he's so very silly. "E, Daddy. E - L - L - E - R - Y. Mine name."

"Oh. Yeah, that's right. You can spell your name." When did *that* happen? Preschool probably, but still. Are they teaching that in the two year old class? Castle doesn't think so. And he's not the one pushing the ABCs and counting. That's Kate.

"Where'd you learn that?" he asks, not really expecting an answer. He'll ask Kate if she's been working on that.

Ella hops from foot to foot as the elevator descends, looking like she hasn't heard him. But when the doors open on the lobby, she jumps over the threshold and grins back at him. "Dashy tell me."

"Dashiell taught you how to spell your name?"

She looks confused, maybe by the concept of spelling. "Dash say the letters."

"Oh. And you remember them?"

"I say the letters."

"You're saying a whole lot right now," he laughs, then leans over to pick her up for a hug. "I love hearing my little cricket." She claps both hands on his chin, pushing him away, and wriggles to get free, so he lets her back down.

She grabs his hand though and tugs him towards the automatic doors, heading for the boardwalk. Fans are blowing through the lobby to dry the wet floor as residents and guests have tracked in water from the pool or ocean, but Ella seems unperturbed by them. Dashiell would've hesitated and then shied away from their loud noise.

Castle lets her lead them through the doors and out to the sidewalk, the palm trees rustling overhead in a breeze that doesn't reach them. She lets go of his hand to walk ahead of him, watching the kids playing in the pool or walking towards the beach, her blue eyes taking in every movement, every action, every word with absorption. She watches people, observing, just like him, but she goes about it like Kate - calculating, silent, intense.

She'll use the information later; he's seen her do it before. Pull up some phrase or bit of language, or use some body language that he knows she didn't get from them.

When Ellery reaches the start of the boardwalk, she waits for him, holding out a hand. He takes hers and heads down, but after a few steps, Ellery is on her toes, turning around to be picked up.

"Hot, Daddy."

Castle lifts her up, tucking her against his side. He forgot to grab her sandals as they left, but he figured they weren't going far. He probably should have gone back for them.

"Sorry, Ella. Your shoes are upstairs. I'll carry you across the sand too."

She nods, her eyes on the horizon, scanning the beach and waves. A little hand curls around his neck, fingers playing with his hair. Castle turns his head and blows a raspberry against her cheek, making her clutch him and giggle.

"No, no, Daddy."

"Stop being so cute. Then maybe I won't want to gobble you up," he says, heading down the stairs at the end of the boardwalk.

"Don't, don't-" she gasps and pushes away from him, leaning back. "No gobble me up."

"Fee, fi, fo-"

She shrieks and wriggles to get down, so he bends over and lets her go. The instant her feet hit the sand, she jumps back up into his arms. Castle catches her, laughing.

"Gobble, gobble me, Daddy. Too hot."

He pretends to nom-nom on her little fingers, dropping the towels in the sand at his feet, as close to the water as he can get them without soaking their stuff. Ellery gets away from him, tries to help spread out her towel on the sand. Castle stands up and shakes his out as well, giving her enough room to play.

"Waves now, Daddy." Ella says jumping up and down on the towel, sand spraying up. "Waves."

"Okay, cricket. Good idea." If they get good and wet, the sand won't be so hot on her feet. "Let me carry you to the edge where it's cooler."

Ellery squirms in his arms until he can let her down again, then she darts forward into a wave, letting the water splash high over her before Castle can catch her. She turns back to him, spluttering and laughing, but gets knocked down immediately by another wave. He snags her by the arm before she can be dragged out, brings her up out of the water.

He expects the worst; he's prepared for tears. But Ellery squeals and pushes the hair out of her face, her blue eyes thrilled. "Knock me down!"

"Yeah, it did. It knocked you right off your feet."

"Again!"

Castle brushes the hair out of her face and sets her back on her feet, hovering closer this time as she wades towards the waves. He forgot to check the flag at the end of the boardwalk, so he risks a glance backwards and spots the yellow material snapping in the breeze.

A little bit rougher waves then, coming faster together. He watches Ella jump and bob in another meager swell, then reaches out and grabs her by the armpit as a massive one starts sucking them both off their feet.

Ellery shrieks as the water pulls them, they both rise with the crest and get pushed a little further back. Castle checks their position and misses the next one, a wave that swamps them both and pushes Ellery into his chest. She climbs him like a monkey, getting her head above water, and Castle manages to keep his footing with effort.

When the wave passes them, he unwraps her arms from around his neck and looks at her. Ellery is still grinning, dripping wet, pushing straggly hair from her face with a hand.

"That big wave gots me!"

"It sure did." He's astonished she's not more scared, astonished by the amount of words pouring out of her mouth.

Then again, Kate isn't afraid of anything. Not rats (ug), not dead bodies dropping out of closets (or refrigerators), not bullets, not anything. So her daughter is going to be pretty fearless too. And maybe it's the thrill of danger that's loosened her tongue.

Ellery seems to get a particular kick out of the tug of the water against their bodies, the way she nearly loses her grip on him. They jump and bob in the waves for a long time, Castle losing track of how long they've been out here, having to occasionally slog back so that they're positioned closer to their towels. He lets her enjoy the game as long as he can stand it, but after she's wrenched out of his grip for the fourth time (she was pushing further and further away from him), he decides they are done with wave-riding for now.

He drags her back to their towels against her will, his heart still pounding after that last encounter with the ocean, still seeing her head drop below the waves, still feeling the clutch of his hand around her swimsuit at the last second.

They have floaties; he should've brought them down and made her wear them. She's a pretty good swimmer for a little kid, and he's grown used to the relative calm of the Hamptons beach. It's made him drop his guard.

"I jump all them waves," she says with relish. Ellery drops to the towel and gets on her hands and knees, soaking wet and already covered in sand, flinging her legs up and down like a kicking donkey, clearly still excited. "You fun, Daddy." When he sinks down beside her, she crawls into his lap and kisses his cheek. How can she tell he needs that? He hugs her back, smacks her cheek with a kiss.

"Want to dry off and head back? I think it's close to lunch time."

Ellery stands up on his leg, holding on to his shoulders to keep her balance, glancing around the beach as if making a decision. Finally she nods to him and wraps her arms around his neck.

"Carry you," she murmurs, laying her head against his shoulder.

He laughs because he knows she can say it correctly, but he babies her, standing up and shaking out her towel, wrapping it around her still-wet little body. She snuggles in and he can feel her arms trembling around his neck; she's got to be so worn out. He wonders what time it is; he probably should have brought his phone too.

Castle snatches up his own towel, swipes it down his legs to keep sand from sticking to him too badly, then shoves his feet into his flipflops. He heads for the boardwalk.

Carrying Ellery back to the condominium, Castle lets his mind wander to the next scene in his manuscript, not paying attention, rubbing at Ella's hair absent-mindedly, pushing it away from her face.

"Mommy," Ella says and twists around.

He glances up, sees Kate and Dash heading for them, Kate's face a carefully blank mask. But the moment she gets to them, she holds out her arms for Ellery and takes the girl into a hug, closing her eyes. Something must have happened.

"Hey," he says, lifting an eyebrow, glancing down at Dashiell. Did the kid give her fits?

Dash sighs and puts his hands on his hips. "It's two o'clock, Daddy. You're late."

Oh. Oops. Oh, damn. Actually, that's worse than it might be otherwise. With Kate's thing six months ago. . .yeah. He should've thought of that. "And I didn't have my phone on me," he guesses, wincing at Kate's look. She tried to call him then, and his phone rang in the condo.

"Yeah," she says, shrugging. Like it's okay. But clearly it's not. She looks like she might break if they stand around here any longer.

"Okay, all right. Let's get lunch." He nudges Kate towards the automatic doors, takes Dashiell by the hand to keep him from darting off. He leans in towards his wife, getting as close as he possibly can while she walks ahead of him, and kisses that spot under her ear. "I lost track of time. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."

She turns a little, their cheeks touching for an instant, the side of her head tapping his, and then she holds out her left hand to him.

He takes it, squeezing.

Ellery wraps her arms around Kate's neck. "Daddy and me jumped big waves," she murmurs. "I cricket all day."

Kate lets out a shaky breath and turns her eyes to him as she speaks. "I'm so glad, Ella. I love you."


	46. Chapter 46

Kate waits until the kids are eating lunch at the table and involved with a game of Candyland before she pulls Castle aside.

"Hey, I'm really sorry-" he starts, ducking his head to look in her eyes, his hands on her shoulders.

"No, I'm good," she dismisses, waving him off. "Just wanted to tell you what we found."

"What you found?"

"Dash and I. There's a haunted maze just off the highway. I got directions from the couple that owns the surf shop."

"Oh, you went to the surf shop?"

Kate grins at him, gestures for him to follow as she heads into their bedroom. She grabs a bag from the bed and pulls out swimsuits. "Got these for Ella. But I also signed us up for surfing lessons on Wednesday. Alexis too. Here." Kate hands him the pamphlet the woman put in the bag. "Tells you all about it."

"Oh, cool. This is so cool."

"Dash looked pretty excited about it," Kate adds, dropping the swimsuits back on the bed. She moves to his side to read over his shoulder. Pointing to the picture in the center panel, she says, "These are the training boards. They have life jackets for everyone and they take you out; they teach you everything. Dashiell met their son, Micah, and he was really patient with Dash, showed him to stand on a board. They have a girl too, Maleah, and she's a few years older than Dash, but he totally fell in love with her."

Castle laughs and flips the brochure over, catching sight of the photo of the family of four. "Their kids surf too?"

"Yeah, they do. Maleah won some girls' competition locally, and Micah placed third in an older kids contest in Hawaii. We're lucky, because they close up the second week of November and spend the winter there."

"Where?"

"Hawaii," she says, sighing, visions of beaches and warm weather and the overripe land. Leis and luaus. Hula dancing would be fun to learn as well.

"I can easily close up and head to Hawaii for the winter. You just say the word."

Kate laughs, but when she looks up at him, he's entirely serious. It strikes her suddenly that it's possible. It's not probable, nor is it likely, but they have the means. She could quit the NYPD, they could pack up and live out the rest of their days on a beach in the sun.

Some part of her is so very tempted. A happily ever after. Away from the city and everything it's come to represent - the bad but there's good as well.

"No," she says finally, and she knows that her long silence has proved that she's given it serious thought. "It's not who I am."

His fingers wrap around her elbow, his thumb brushing her bicep. A mirror of the gesture she likes to give him, a way of claiming him that he's turning on her now. "I know. And don't sound apologetic for it, Kate. This is who I love."

She sighs and leans into him because she really would love to be on the beach for the foreseeable future, she's just not sure she could stay that way.

"Just make it to retirement, Kate, then I'll take you to the beach." He says it lightly, but she hears the distinct fear underlying his voice and hates it. Hates that she can't just be like every other socialite in his circle and let it go, drift away, be a professional volunteer or run the house or just. . .not be this. Driven.

"It's a deal," she says instead. She has to give something back, work on being that person capable of retirement from the force, because honestly, she can't picture herself at 40 and still doing this. And forty is only five years away. "About before-"

"I left everything up here because I didn't want to carry it all-"

She reaches up and hushes him with her fingers against his lips. "It's okay. You did fine, Castle. I'm going to be sensitive about you and Ellery for awhile. I can tell. I want you near me and when you're not, my chest is a little tight."

Castle wraps his fingers around her hand and leans in to steal a kiss, warm and soft against her. It already makes her feel better.

"That was a whole lot of explanation about your feelings, Kate Beckett," he murmurs, laughing at the corner of her mouth.

"Shut up," she mutters, but even that has made her lighter. "I can talk about feelings."

"No you can't," he laughs. "You can talk around them, but a direct conversation?"

"I just did, didn't I?"

"Yeah, which is making my head spin. Also, you combined a feelings talk with the phrase _I want you near me._"

She huffs and flicks his ear with her fingers, garnering only another grin from him. All of it eases the ache that set up when she called his phone at one o'clock only to hear it ring in the bedroom.

"Can I help it that my husband is such a stud?" she murmurs instead, running her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck, watching the humor in his eyes distill into arousal. "That all I wanna do is get closer to him, be pressed right up against his body so I can feel every hard-"

He crushes his mouth against hers, sucks her tongue into his hot and welcoming depths. His arms bind her tightly against him, so unforgiving a grip that she's certain she'll have bruises on her ribs. She spreads her fingers at the back of his skull and directs his kiss by angling his head, allowing her to get her teeth on his bottom lip.

His moan startles her into releasing him, but he catches her, keeps at it, pressing her back until she's falling on the bed, crushing the swimsuits. She'll have to remember that for next time: _I want you near me_ is somehow his kryptonite. Or his yellow sun. She's not sure which Superman reference is more accurate, and his wicked tongue is causing her to lose brain cells rapidly.

She's just reaching for his shirt, sliding her fingers against his ribs when Castle groans and lifts his head from her neck, breathing harshly, pressed fully against her so she knows just how difficult that was for him. How hard. She grins up at him, pushes at him with her hips and he chokes, drops his head to her shoulder.

"Kids are right out there. Can't do this," he mutters.

"Eating lunch and playing a game. If we-"

"Don't tempt me, you evil woman," he growls, but his mouth is nibbling at the tendon in her neck, and she arches under him, more than a little overwhelmed.

"Baseball statistics aren't helping?" she laughs on a hasty breath, trying to be responsible.

"Can't even come up with any players' names; you know I'm a latecomer to the Yankees fanbase."

That helps a little; she can nudge his cheek with her chin, dislodge him from the thorough seduction of her neck. "Save that for later, Rick."

He rolls onto his back, but he takes her with him, leaving her sprawled half on top of him, half off. "Don't call me that either. Doesn't help."

"What? Your name?"

"First name. You have this way of saying my name - kinda breathless, kinda slutty-"

She laughs at that, lifts her head and props her chin on his chest, drawing a knee up to help her keep her balance on top of him. "A Nikki Heat way?"

He groans. "No. Just maybe that original way you have. The thing I saw when I created Nikki. I hear it again when you say my name."

"Every time I call you by your first name? Or just when we're-" She runs a hand down his chest in indication, but he grabs her by the wrist and brings her palm to his lips.

"Pretty much every time. Used to be you only called me Rick when you were pissed or aroused, so you know, there's these connotations, these associations that bring about this automatic response in me-"

She laughs again and crawls up a little to kiss his cheek, then slides off him to sit on the bed, giving him some breathing room. He turns on his side and props his head up on his hand.

"Operant conditioning," she suggests. "Only your first name is the bell you salivate for?"

"Yes, exactly," he says gravely, and lifts a hand to slide along her waist, his arm resting in her lap. She draws her nails down his forearm lightly, presses the pads of her fingers to the skin. This is a different kind of arousing, having his arm in her lap and his mouth at the level of her hip, the warmth between them still flaring up every now and again.

"You said, used to. I used to-"

"Now you use either one. But lately, you've called me Rick when you need me, when something has struck too close to home or you're vulnerable or just tired. And Kate. . ." He sighs and leans in to press that mouth to the waistband of her jeans, lays his forehead on her thigh.

He doesn't finish, but she gets it. This was always their oldest conflict - that he wants to feel needed by her (for something, anything) and she never wants to need anyone. So when she does need him, and she calls for him, goes to him, it has an affect. She knows that; she sees it clearly. They went to marriage counseling around the time Dashiell turned two because they both realized they kept having the same arguments with no real sense of resolution. It helped, for sure, and Kate was even able to repair her relationship with his mother, mend the misplaced protective instincts that reared up whenever she thought about Martha and her husband, the little boy who needed-

No. Not going there today.

Kate leans over and cradles his head, kissing his forehead and brushing the hair back from his eyes. It's grown out a little long; she likes it actually. And here's grey right at his temple, a dusting that's usually mostly hidden. She likes the grey, combs her fingers through it to watch it appear and disappear in the weave of his hair.

"Stop playing with my grey hair," he mutters.

She laughs. "But I like it. It's manly."

"I don't play with your grey hair."

She shoves on his forehead in retaliation. "I don't have grey hair."

"Well, you wouldn't know, would you? Because I don't point it out."

"Hush, and just let me touch you."

"You have never - ever - said that phrase to me before. Oh wait. No, you have." His voice is seductive.

Kate laughs again and settles back against the headboard, still carding her fingers through his hair. "I love knowing this about you, these little grey hairs, being close enough to know, Rick."

"What did I tell you about that?" He lifts his body up by framing her hips with his arms, his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of her. She feels the bed dip towards him, the flare of arousal igniting in her belly again.

Castle rears up, presses a kiss into her mouth as he lays over her body, tugging her down under him. She sighs into his kiss, feathers her fingers through the hair at his temples, stroking his ears with her thumbs.

"What is your fetish with my ears?" he groans, but it doesn't sound like a complaint.

"It's the grey hair-"

"You were twisting my ear long before the grey showed up."

"Hmm, that's true. I just like holding on while you do dirty things to me with that mouth."

He groans into her lap, making her hips jerk against him.

"Payback's a bitch, Beckett."

She laughs breathlessly. "We really should check on the kids. Too quiet. No one's fighting over who won."

"Gimme a second," he says, and lays his head on her chest, breathing hotly. She can't help smoothing her thumb along his ear, scratching her nails on his scalp, warmed by his body sprawled over hers. Feels safe. And good. And hers.

After a few heartbeats, she can feel his breath even out again. She curls her knees up and he gets the hint, moves off of her. He holds his hand out for her and she takes it, letting him lift her up to standing.

She the leads the way back to the kitchen, stopping short in the living room at the sight before her.

A deck of cards litters the entire kitchen, playing cards over every available surface. Dash is holding the box and Ellery is bending down to inspect a card.

"Dashiell. What are you doing?"

Dash turns with a beaming smile. "I'm teaching Ellie a new game."

"A new game?" With the cards all over the floor?

"Him teach me," Ella speaks up, raising the card over her head and slapping it down on the table, grinning.

"Yeah. Daddy taught it to me."

"Daddy taught you poker?" she says, giving Castle a look.

His face changes from sheepish to indignant. "I didn't teach him poker! That's not the game!"

"Then what is it?"

He sighs and glances around the room at the mess of cards. "52 Card Pickup. Looks like he's initiated Ellery."

Fifty-two card pickup? Oh jeez. The trick. He pulled this trick on Dash and now Dashiell has done it to Ella.

"Mommy, what's poker?"

Ohh, darn.

"Castle. You're on duty," she says instead, and heads back for the bedroom and Ellery's new swimsuits.


	47. Chapter 47

Castle glances down at Ella sitting on his chest and lays his hand over her leg. "Stop squirming, little cricket. It's rest time."

She settles down again, pressing her cheek against his chest while she watches 'Toy Story' from their spot on the couch. Castle feels Kate's fingers run through his hair, and he lifts his eyes to see her face over his; he's got his head in her lap and the kids piled on top of him while they all 'rest' this afternoon.

He lifts his book up, propping it against the back of the couch, and resumes reading. Kate's idle fingers stroke his hair, skim the lines of his face, gentle his skin, rub his ears. He likes that, her fingers curling along his ears. He's having trouble keeping track of where he is in the book. His eyes slide shut again as her thumb strokes that place behind his ear where his hairline begins.

The moment Ellery falls asleep, he's putting her in her bunk bed and then coming back for Kate. He wants his wife.

Of course, as usual, Dash is alert and only half-watching 'Toy Story' while he listens to music on his mother's ipod. Castle really needs to find his own. It has to be around somewhere.

The music keeps Dash sedate enough though. And when Ellery falls asleep, Dash can go in his room and watch tv in bed. And then Castle can put Kate to bed too. Their bed.

He reaches back and strokes his fingers down the back of her arm, takes her by the wrist to kiss the heel of her hand, eyes still closed. Her fingers curl around his mouth, a strange caress, and then her thumb slips between his lips, a cool intrusion of skin. She startles, obviously not intending it, but he gets his teeth on her thumb, swirls his tongue around the digit.

She shudders; he feels her abs contract as she hunches over him, cradling his head, bowing until her mouth touches his ear. "Bedtime."

Yes. It definitely is.

"I'll take one, you take one?" he murmurs back, lifting both hands to wind through her hair, holding her down to him. His book is abandoned; the kids weighing down his legs, his chest are practically forgotten.

"Dibs on baby," she says and then reaches back to disengage his hands, squeezing his fingers. "She's practically out already."

Castle lets go, wraps his arms around Ellery as he lifts up off Kate's lap. Ella stirs, her eyelids bob, but she doesn't seem with it enough to protest. Kate crawls out from behind him, then takes Ellery from him, murmuring in her daughter's ear. More of that mystery talk she has with their kids, the enchanting spell she weaves around them.

Sometimes he really wants to know what she says. Sometimes, he just feels honored to witness it. This is one of those honored moments, because Ella's whole body sinks down against Kate's chest as if her mother has just given her permission to let go.

For his part, Castle sits up and reaches for Dashiell as Kate takes Ellery back. The boy glances at him without comprehension, so Castle pushes the headphones back from the kid's head. "Time to rest in your room."

Dashiell wants to turn off the dvd player and tv himself, so Castle waits on him, then follows behind the kid as he heads down the hallway to his room. Castle flips the lights off, lifts the boy up into the bed as he struggles to climb up. Dash trades him the ipod for the remote, a little sigh escaping his lips.

It makes Castle pause; he gets down on his knees beside the boy's bed, strokes his thumb over Dashiell's forehead, avoiding the bandaged stitches. Dash's flinches anyway, so the area must be bruised. "You okay there, my man?"

"Yeah, Daddy."

"Tired?"

"Mm. I miss the ocean."

"I'm sorry. Did you and Mommy find something fun for us to do after nap time?"

"Oh, yes! But Mommy says we need to be sure that baby girl won't be scared."

Castle laughs, runs his fingers back through Dashiell's bangs, lifting them off his forehead. "You call her baby girl again and she might take offense."

"Where?"

Wh. . .where? "Uh."

"She can't pick up a fence, Daddy. And that's stealing. Mommy wouldn't let her steal."

Castle bursts into laughter, unable to help it, wiping a hand down his face to get control of himself. Dashiell doesn't look too pleased with his amusement.

"No, buddy, you're right. Ella's too small to lift any fences." The wordplay in that is delicious, and he wishes Kate were in here to hear it. Fences. Lifting. Stealing. Offense. "But you remember how I said words can mean more than one thing?"

Dashiell's little eyebrows raise and he sits up. "Yeah?"

"Offense. And. A. Fence. Two different things."

"Sound the same."

"They're not spelled the same. Offense is like off. O-F-F. And it means that she'd get upset with you if you called her a baby."

"But that's kinda her name. Baby girl."

"Well, you know how much you hate it when I call you Dashiell Hammett?"

Dash frowns intensely. "Yes."

"She's feeling like that about us calling her baby girl. It's her name, sure. Nickname. Just like us calling you Dashiell Hammett. It's kinda me and Mommy's thing. But it makes her sullen. And she takes offense."

"Off."

"Yes. The 'off' kind."

"Huh," Dashiell grunts, leaning back down against his pillow, the remote cradled against his chest. "I see."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Ellie isn't really a baby. But what can I call her?"

"Ellery."

"That's not any fun though."

Yeah, sometimes people need pet names. Kate needs one. She doesn't let him get away with much, but lately he's managed _babe_ and _Katie_ but those are kind of jokes. "You call her Ellie. Neither me nor Mommy call her that. And there's Ella. And when she was a baby, she used to make little chirrups like a cricket. So we called her-"

"Cricket! Can I say that too?"

"Yeah. That's fine. So long as it doesn't make her mad."

"Cricket, crick-et, criiiiiick-et." Dash grins and stretches his neck out to crow one more. "Criiiiiiick-ehhhht."

"Okay, enough, wild man. Watch your tv shows while you rest."

"It's gonna make me fall asleep," he says with a sigh.

"That's okay. I'll wake you up in time for the maze."

"Cricket won't get too scared, will she? I told Mommy she's brave. Better than an Indian princess."

"She is brave, isn't she? Not much scares Ella. I bet she'll be fine, but we'll be careful."

"But it'll still be kinda scary, won't it, Daddy? It's no fun if it's not a little scary. 'Member how last year I peed in my pants?"

Only Dashiell would find that entertaining. They went to a haunted house, he and Dash, because the kid absolutely begged him. Rick's mother watched Ellery at home, and he took the boy while Kate was at work. At one point in the haunted house, hands came out from underneath a table and grabbed their legs, and after everything Dash had seen, it was the hands that did him in. He was so violently scared that he peed in his pants. Castle didn't even know about it until they'd walked outside and Dash was walking funny and shivering.

"Yeah. I remember."

"That was so scary. I liked it, but I don't know if Ellery would be okay."

"You're a good brother for trying to protect her. But I bet Ella will be fine in the maze."

"Can we bring extra clothes though? Just in case."

Castle can see the hesitation on Dashiell's face as he says it, which means the kid is thinking that *he* might need the extra clothes. Doesn't stop Dash from wanting to be scared silly though. This is the boy who dove headfirst off of counters as a baby and runs full-tilt into whatever obstacle is in his way. Fearless in an unthinking, plow-straight-ahead kind of way, where Ellery's fearlessness comes out of a confident intelligence. Castle versus Kate, pretty much.

"Yeah, we can bring extra clothes. Now rest."

"Rest. Can I have a hug?"

Castle immediately envelopes his son in a bear hug, squeezing him tightly, growling into his neck to make the boy giggle. That little spurt of laughter is the best sound in the world.

"Castle."

He turns his head and sees Kate in the doorway, gesturing to him. Her eyes are intent on him.

Ohhh yeah. Time for bed.


	48. Chapter 48

Kate leads him by the hand down the hall, through the kitchen and living room, to their bedroom. Castle's mouth comes to rest against the back of her neck as she opens the door; she has to stand there a moment, eyes closed, as his lips trail down her spine, wet and warm.

His hand untangles from hers, slides around her waist to rest along her hipbone. His fingers slip between her jeans and and her skin, gently pull her back against him.

Kate sighs, the tension curling in her stomach. So it'll be slow and sweet then. She's in for some delicious torture, she can already tell.

"How about a bath?" he murmurs then, his teeth nipping her trapezius, making her shiver.

"A bath?"

"I never showered after the beach with Ella. You can wash my back-"

She chuckles and slides her hand down his arm, tugs his fingers out of her pants (even that makes her skin tremble). She turns and meets his eyes, the amusement and arousal dueling in those depths. "All right. Bath time."

Castle grins and squeezes her hip, moving her aside so he can get past her. Kate laughs and watches him head eagerly for the bathroom; she turns and shuts their door, locks it. She hears the water running but she's pulling off her jeans when Castle comes back for her.

"Almost ready?" she asks, lifting her shirt off.

"Stop, stop. Let me do that."

She pushes him away. "I let you do this and it'll be ages before we get to that bathtub. I know exactly what you want, Rick Castle. At least in the tub I can get to you too."

He laughs, eyes almost disappearing with the lines of mirth across his face. "That's what you think."

Kate steps closer and hooks her leg around the back of his knee, tugs. Castle dips, but stays standing, a hand coming to her shoulder, sliding under the strap of her bra. She knocks his hand away.

"Clothes off, Castle. In the tub. Then we do it your way."

* * *

><p>Mmm. He loves this. The long length of her legs framed by his, his back against the sloping side of the jacuzzi tub and her back against his chest. Castle trails his fingers from the top of her thigh, over her hip, the soft line of her side, the curve of her breast, her shoulder. Her chest rises and falls, disturbing the steaming water, ripples moving outward from their bodies.<p>

Her hands squeeze his thighs again, hips lifting when his mouth sucks on the downward slope of her neck. A little sigh from her lips that drives him crazy, pushes him forward when all he wants to really do is torture her, slow and long and tender. Make it good.

She's long stopped protesting, long stopped asking him to hurry, to move. She's even given up on taking matters into her own hands (so to speak). She just shivers and twitches and cries out softly. There is something so incredibly sensual about Kate Beckett's helpless and wordless moans - even while he sees that something dark and dangerous in her eyes, promising her own revenge.

He can't wait. For now though-

Castle slides a hand through her damp hair at the back of her skull, revealing that tender spot behind her ear. He licks the skin and she mewls, thready and needful, her breath catching. Castle lowers his mouth to that spot, works at making her fall apart.

Her hands move then, sliding along the tops of his thighs, her hips pushing back. But he won't be distracted, can't be diverted. He wants this more than his own needs, wants to will her body to pleasure.

"Castle," she whispers.

He doesn't answer, trails his lips to hers though and meets her tongue, her breathless and greedy mouth.

The water keeps her too light, too buoyant for her to do any real damage to his concentration; he uses it to inflame her skin, to draw delight every place it touches. She raises her hand and clutches at his neck, fingers tight in his hair, her hips lifting as if she can't stop them.

"Don't tease," she groans, her eyes meeting his with such a blazing and intense neediness that he gives in, gives her what she longs for.

"I love you, I love you," she gasps.

* * *

><p>She just-<p>

She can't move. Can't think.

He carries her to bed in the huge bath towel and pulls the sheets up, lays carefully at her side, stroking his fingers over her cheek. Kate opens her eyes and slides her arm up to let her fingers curl around his neck. Castle takes it as permission to move in closer, press a light kiss to her mouth.

Even that is almost too much. She doesn't even know if he - if he even -

"You good?" she murmurs, trying to struggle through the raw weariness that blankets her.

He laughs and kisses her again, harder but with less sensuality. Better. She can handle that.

"I'm more than good. You got a little. . .caught up there, didn't you?"

"Shut up," she murmurs, but her eyelids are too heavy to hold up. She's not sure how he manages to completely unmake her, but it's so good. So very good. Intense. She's having trouble finding words. Or sense.

"You okay if I hold you?"

She opens her eyes, blinks. "Yeah. Just."

"I know."

Castle wraps his hand around her bicep and tugs her against him; she slides along the sheets easily, but curls on her side without prompting. At least she can do that. Castle lies at her back and wraps both arms around her, crushing her into a hard embrace that allows her to find herself again.

Kate sighs, ducks her head to press her mouth against his bicep. He flexes, which makes her laugh, but she can feel the hard press of muscle against her lips, and that helps as well. The humor pulls her together.

He utterly devastates her. Just completely.

"You've ruined me," she says, then sinks her teeth into his bicep.

"I think maybe Dash gets his sensory issues from you. Ouch. Let up, Beckett."

She licks the teeth marks she's left and wriggles into him; he squeezes tighter and she settles down. "It's your fault. You did this to me."

"You weren't complaining."

She turns in his arms, on her back now, gives him an eyebrow. "That's *all* I was doing. Complaining."

"Sounded more like breathy little moans and whimpers to me," he says, his voice that rough, ragged thing that seriously does damage to her insides.

"Don't start that," she sighs, closing her eyes. She feels him drop kisses on her eyelids and the side of her nose, his body settling on top of hers. "I really can't. I can't, Castle. Seriously, I won't survive-"

"You'll survive. I got you," he murmurs, soft, his hands firm against her skin.

She feels her body respond, entirely without her permission, can't help clutching his shoulders as he kisses her skin. He rubs his cheek against her stomach and bites at her belly button. The rough edge of his jaw, the hard press of his mouth gives her something to hold on to, something to orient herself around.

He's got her; he really does. He knows exactly how to string out her body, how to do this. Like those Russian nesting dolls, one inside another, the beauty of it revealed one need at a time.

* * *

><p>Castle laughs when she says it again, sighing it into the pillow. "Love you too, Kate."<p>

Her eyes remain closed; he traces the line of her cheekbone with his finger, his hand at her jaw as they lay facing each other in bed. This is the only place he touches her, just here, letting her recover on her own.

He's pretty worn out himself; his back popped strangely that last time and he probably should avoid doing it like that again.

"Oh, damn," she mutters, dragging her eyes open. "Door's locked. Gotta unlock it."

"I got it." He stays her by pressing his fingers into her jaw; she slumps back to the pillow, eyes closing again.

Castle slides out of bed reluctantly, tugs on his boxers, heads to the door to unlock it. Something makes him open the door, some strange instinct, and when he does, he sees both kids sitting in the floor at his feet, looking up at him in surprise.

"Clothes, Kate," he throws over his shoulder, then squats down to brush a hand over Ellery's hair. "What are you two doing up?"

"Ella wants to go to the haunted maze," Dashiell says, tilting his head into his hand. "And we want to wear our costumes."

"Well, okay, but it's rest time right now." Castle glances over his shoulder and sees Kate struggling under the covers, apparently trying to put on her pajamas. He laughs to himself and turns back around to the kids. "Can you wait here a second?"

Dashiell gives him a strange look, turns to Ellery. Ella shrugs.

Castle stands and pushes the door shut a little, heads back to the bed. Kate is scraping her hand through her hair, head back on the pillow, eyes closed. "Kate? You decent?"

"No." But she nods, opening her eyes, and flips the sheets back. Tshirt and shorts, the red flush still on her skin, her eyes drowsy and sated but coming back to awareness. "Kids out there?"

"Yeah. I think they're kinda excited about the haunted maze."

"Bring 'em in here then," she sighs and sits up a little. "You're so getting this back, you know that? As soon as I can think straight, you're in for it."

He laughs, entirely looking forward to it. "Uh-huh. Promises, promises, Kate."

Castle leans over and kisses her forehead; she pushes him away with a little laugh and he heads back to the door, grabbing his tshirt from the floor and pulling it on before letting the kids inside.

"Hey, everyone in the big bed," Castle says, reaching down to lift up Ellery. She pats his chest and twists around to see Kate.

He drops Ella on the bed and she bounces, giggling, while Dashiell climbs up and scoots in close to his mother.

"Hey, get my ipad, Castle. We can watch a movie until Allie's on skype."

"We gonna talk to Allie?" Dash says, curling his arms around Kate's middle, leaning his head against her shoulder.

Castle goes back out to the kitchen and grabs the ipad from the counter. When he brings it back in the bedroom, Ella is lying partly in Dash's lap and partly in Kate's, her hands up and playing with her fingers. She catches sight of him and sits up, clapping for the ipad. Castle laughs, sees Kate rolling her eyes as she reaches for it.

"All right, cricket," Kate murmurs. "Let's watch 'The Incredibles' while we wait for Allie."

"Did you text her?"

"She said she's nearly home." She glances up from the ipad, tilts her head at him with a little grin. "Why're you way over there? Get in the big bed, Rick."

He grins back, crawls into bed with his wife and kids, giving her a smacking kiss on the cheek. Her hand lifts from the ipad and scratches the hair at his temple in greeting. The grey hair. Point taken. Still, he did just completely scramble her, didn't he? Counts for something. Even with grey.

Castle lifts Dashiell bodily so that he can sit beside Kate. Ellery is down by their feet for some reason, crawling back up as Kate loads the movie. Castle wraps an arm around Dash and the kid leans his head back against his father's chest.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" Kate says, the movie beginning to play.

"ME!" Dashiell jerks upright, reaching for the ipad. "Me first. I'm oldest. It's almost my birthday."

Ellery stops at their knees, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. Castle laughs, can't help it, and Ellery's lip sticks out.

Kate hands the ipad to Dash and reaches down for Ella, pulling her up with them. "You can be next, cricket."

She huffs out a breath and turns to Castle, arms out for him instead. He gives her a look; she knows good and well that Dashiell is in his lap. She's trying to kick him out.

"Daddy's got Dash," Kate murmurs. "So I need my little girl to sit with me."

Ellery's face lifts into pleasure, turning back to look at her mother. "Me?"

"Who else?" Kate kisses her cheek and wraps her arms around Ella, her lips moving against the girl's ear with some secret and causing Ellery's face to break out in a huge smile.

Castle shifts Dash just a little bit so he can pull Kate in, bringing Ellery with her. Dashiell holds the ipad carefully, the movie drawing both kids' attentions. Dash gets to hold the ipad first, and in ten minutes or so, Ella will get to hold it.

After a moment, Castle feels Kate's fingers at his waist, brushing his skin. He glances over at her, sees the smirk on her face, and narrows his eyes at her. Does she thinks she's gonna do this now?

She grins, then leans in and presses her open mouth against his neck; her teeth scrape his jaw.

Castle gets his arm out from between them and curls it around her neck, keeping her there for a second so he can kiss her. Her mouth is warm and sweet, her hand slides up his back. Her nails lightly trail on his skin. Not her best effort, he has to say. Maybe because of the kids. Maybe because she's still trying to get it together.

When she pulls away, he loosens his arm, watches her a moment, then grins at her. "Still ruined?"

She laughs a little. "For anyone else maybe."

"That was my evil plan."

"I love your evil plans." Her fingers lift to brush across his lips, her smile widens when he kisses them.

"I love you," he says finally, taking a long, deep breath and palming her cheek. Sexy as hell Kate Beckett, so responsive to every little touch, falling apart at the slightest play of his fingers, fierce and loyal and in love with him. And somehow here they are.

She leans in, her mouth to his ear, and he has a flash of all those times she whispers to their kids, settles them down, calms with with whatever magic comes from her mouth.

"Castle?" She pauses to kiss his earlobe. "You're my-"

Her phone chimes and she pulls back, glances at the display. "It's Allie. You guys ready to skype with your sister?"

Damn. He almost got to hear it. He was that close.


	49. Chapter 49

Kate and Castle wind up in the kitchen while the kids hog the bed, talking to their sister on skype. She makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Castle stares into the fridge. She drops the knife into the sink and takes a bite, then pushes the fridge door closed, shutting it in Castle's face.

"When you come up with a decision, then you can open it back up," she says, still in the mood to mess with him. She's got to think of a good way to get him back tonight, when they're alone.

Or maybe when they're not alone. Hmm, that could prove interesting. Still, he responds to her so quickly that it wouldn't really be right. She doesn't really want to embarrass him, just tease him a little. A lot. A whole lot.

"I've come to a decision, move out of my way, woman." He takes her by the wrist and tugs her; she goes, moving around behind his back as he opens the fridge again.

When he's ducking down to grab yogurt off the bottom shelf, Kate presses her hips to him, flush, the fingers of her free hand on his spine.

He jerks up, his head smacking into the freezer door, a yelp of pain issuing from his mouth. She tries to smother her laugh with a sympathetic noise, puts her sandwich down on the counter to pull Castle around to her.

"Oh no, sorry," she says, biting her lip. She smooths her fingers through his scalp until she hits the bump already forming. Sticky. Darn. "You're bleeding."

"I think my head hit the handle." He winces and shuts the fridge door, dropping his yogurt to the counter as well. "Ow. You are dangerous."

"Mm, I've heard that before." Kate moves him to one side, then opens the freezer, reaches in for some ice. "Here. I'll put it in a towel or something."

He cups his hands for the ice and she dumps it in, then turns and gets a dish towel from the drawer. She holds it out and he pours the ice back in the towel; she folds it up and presses it against the bump on Castle's head.

"Ow. Don't press so hard."

"Don't be a baby," she murmurs, then puts a hand on his waist to steady herself. He reaches up and takes the ice pack from her, but wraps his other arm around her shoulders, tugs her in to him.

Kate leans against his side and watches his face for a moment. "I'm sorry."

He laughs and glances down at her. "Funny way of showing it."

"I baby you and you'll whine about it all day. I know your m.o., Castle." She pauses, assessing him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. You surprised me with that little move."

"I figured we were alone for the moment. . ."

"Ah, normally, I'd love that suggestion."

"But not now?" She traces the line of his sternum with her finger. It's just a bump on the head. He's fine.

"Not. . .uh. . ."

Mm, that's more like it. She smooths her thumb across his chest, feels him flinch. She might be the one who can't bear to be touched after they make love, but he's pretty sensitive himself. She slides her hand down, but he snags at her arm.

"Not-uh. Kate. That's mean."

She laughs and lifts on her tiptoes to kiss him, her mouth to his, that ripe warmth. His other arm drops from his head; she feels the ice pack against her back and gasps, breaking away from him.

"Truce," she laughs.

"I don't believe in your truces. They never last."

"I promise. Truce. You stop; I'll stop."

"We have a haunted maze in about an hour-"

"Yeah, in the daylight, Castle," she says, grinning at him. She grabs the ice pack from him and puts it against his head. "With our kids, no less. We probably won't have time or opportunity for that, even if the motive is there. My guess is that one of us is going to be chasing Dashiell as he runs away whenever something scares him."

"Not it."

"Hey!"

"Not it. I called it."

"You can't call it."

"I just did. I get the baby."

She huffs at him, narrowing her eyes. "Fine. Then I get to ask a Truth question."

"What if I wanted a dare instead?" He knocks her hand away from the ice and holds it in place himself.

Kate crosses her arms over her chest. "Truth. And then I'll take Dash duty at the haunted maze."

"Fine," he grumbles. "Truth."

"When you proposed to me, did you think I was going to say no?"

He laughs, leaning back against the fridge. "Which time, Kate? The first time? The second? The fortieth?"

"Hush. You know what I mean."

"The one time you said yes?"

"All it takes is one," she retorts, stalking forward and reclaiming the ice. He's not even holding it against his head; he's pretending. "That time. Christmas day. Did you think I was going to say no?"

"I. . .I can't remember."

"Of course you can. Don't prevaricate."

"Four syllable words out of that hot little mouth. Sexy." He grins and darts in to kiss her, catching her by surprise with her mouth open so that his tongue slips right in and strokes aggressively along the roof of her mouth. She pushes up into him, wishing she had on heels and could gain some height and advantage on him, feels his fingers at her hipbone, digging into her skin.

The devastation of his mouth is thorough and convincing and completely distracting. Until he comes up for air and she feels the hot breath at her cheek and the way her body brushes against his - then she remembers.

"You thought I was going to say no," she murmurs, presses her wet mouth to his ear. "Why did you go to all that trouble - the ring, asking my dad, even Christmas morning could've been ruined for you-"

"Because I loved you. I love you."

That's not an answer. "But that doesn't mean it would've worked. I could've hurt you." She hurt him quite a lot that year, most likely. He never mentions it, doesn't bring it up. When Ellery was born and they were doing feedings every two hours (Castle wanted to stay up with her, which was sweet but stupid), they had this game to keep them awake, a form of Truth or Dare. She keeps it up now because she learned so much about him, about their relationship from his side of things.

It helps to know. It makes her a better wife, and really. . .all she wants to do is be good enough to deserve him. Deserve this.

"But you didn't hurt me," he says with a shrug, not getting it. "You said yes."

"Castle, you just put yourself out there. You took a huge risk-"

"For love. For you," he answers, giving her a half-smile as if to ask _Can we stop this now?_

No. She wants to know. She needs to know. "But why? I said no a thousand times before that. I don't even know. . .well, okay, I do know what changed for me, but it's not like you knew that. So why? Why would you lay yourself bare like that?"

"Because you were worth the risk."

The ice falls from her fingers, hits the floor hard enough to startle her.

He frowns at her, squats down to grab the ice, starts collecting it back into the towel at their feet. Kate manages to crouch down as well, start helping him, but her heart is still thumping madly, her hands trembling.

"Hey, Kate."

"Yeah."

"So what if I loved you more than you loved me? It doesn't matter now."

But, oh, oh that's wrong. "Rick." She drops the ice and brushes her cold fingers against his lips, hushing him. "No. If that were true, sure, it wouldn't matter. But it's not true. I loved you so much. So much-"

He takes her fingers, kisses them. "It's okay. It doesn't matter."

"I want you to know the truth."

"It was a long time ago."

"It's only been five years," she laughs, but her heart hurts. It hurts for him, for what he carries around, pretending like it doesn't matter. But it does. She knows that it does. "The only reason I said no to you all those times was because I loved you so much."

"Uh. I don't follow."

Kate lifts to her feet, pulls him up after her. "Sit down. Let me put this on your head."

He lets her lead him to the bar stool; she stands between his knees and cradles the ice to the back of his head, watching him.

"I said no because it scared me - how much I loved you. How so much of my happiness depended on you being there. How I couldn't even begin to imagine not waking up with you, not sharing our son, not having you as my partner in - in everything."

He's watching her, a stillness in his body that she rarely sees. The stillness of his whole being listening to her, catching every word and analyzing it.

"I'm not any good with words. And I didn't know how to make you understand that I wasn't going anywhere. . .except by telling you no and still. . .still being there." Kate winces, shakes her head. "Yeah, I hear how that sounds. You knew I was messed up when you married me."

He gives a soft laugh at that, puts his hands on her hips, thumbs immediately drawing circles against her abs. "So I don't exactly get that, but I believe you. You loved me."

"I don't want you to think that this has ever been unequal, Castle." She lays her hand on his shoulder, staring into him as if the seriousness in her gaze will help convince him.

He gets a look in his eyes, a sly and dangerous look. "Okay then. I get a follow-up question. To help me understand."

"Oh?"

"Truth for you."

She has a feeling this is going to be embarrassing. "All right. Truth."

"When did you fall in love with me?"

She opens her mouth to answer, shuts it before a lie can escape. Why should she lie to him about this? She has such a guarded heart. But she doesn't need to guard it from him. He is her heart.

"It wasn't this," she says first, gesturing between them. "But it was. . .rather inconvenient," she hedges.

"Inconvenient. Hm. When?"

"It's possible it was there for awhile before this too, but I - I can't be sure. I was in denial."

"Big surprise there. When, Kate."

She takes a deep breath, fidgets with the ice pack, finally pulls it away to leave it on the counter. She wants to see his face. "Second year. I knew it by the second year."

His eyebrows raise. "Of our partnership?"

She nods once.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"No," she says shortly. She kind of loves this Truth thing, adores the look on his face right now, being given new, revealing insight into their relationship.

"How did I not see that?"

"I don't know. Everyone else did," she sighs.

"Everyone else did?"

"Well, Ryan and Esposito. And Lanie. And the Captain."

"What?"

"They were witness to your shooting me down in flames."

"I never-"

"You did," she assures him, pressing her lips together. "They were all there for it too. In the conference room watching me try to spill my guts and failing, miserably, to get it out of my mouth."

"I so hate myself right now. When was this? I can't even remember such a time."

Kate brushes her hand down his shoulder. "Don't hate yourself. It made me stronger."

"Is this more of that _Whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger_ bullshit?"

Kate laughs. "Yes it is." She slides forward and wraps both arms around him, because she can, because this is not that summer, because they are so very far away from that summer it feels like another life.

"I almost killed you?" he whispers against her ear, a hand cradling her face with too much tenderness.

"Castle, like you said. It was a long time ago, and it doesn't even matter. It's not even a thing - I have you now. It did make me stronger, but it also proved to me that what I felt wasn't an itch or a stupid crush on my favorite author-"

"Ah, yeah, eventually, you're going to have to go into explicit detail about this favorite author stuff. Because I know about it, and how it got started and how you stood in line, but just how extensive was this? Are we talking message boards and fantasies about meeting me in person?"

He sounds entirely too gleeful. "Some other time. Your ego is sufficiently massive." Oh, fantasies. He doesn't know the half of it.

Castle chuckles against her skin and tugs her back from him. "Okay then, back to this whole _I was in love with you the second year_."

"I don't think it matters-"

"Tell me. I couldn't have shot you down if I tried-"

"Gina," she blurts out, then rolls her eyes at herself. "It was before that summer. You kept inviting me to the Hamptons-"

"Oh my God."

Kate laces her fingers through his, both hands, squeezes to pull him back from memories. "Hey, don't. Don't, Castle."

"I'm a moron. I'm a complete and total idiot. How-"

"Don't," she says insistently, putting his hands on her hips and nudging his knees apart so she can get closer. "Stop."

"Oh my God, you were going to say yes. You were going to come with me, and I gave up too soon. I didn't wait for you."

"You waited for me to say yes when it mattered," she says. "And you got to marry me for that. So, stop. Please."

"We could've had so much more time-"

"Hey. Shut your mouth," she growls at him. "Our kids might not exist if we had more time. We might not even be married, Castle - I had to get pregnant to figure that out. And besides all that, you keep telling me we were meant to be together. In our own time. Fated. So stop."

Throughout her whole speech, he's had his head down in one of his hands, but when she finishes, he lifts up, a grin quirking the edges of his lips. "Fated."

"Your idea, not mine. But I believe it less and less every time you do something like this."

"No, no, you're right. I'm right, I mean. Meant to be." Castle leans in and kisses her; she likes the soft edge to it, the tenderness and gratitude just below the heat.

Her smile breaks the kiss; she presses another to his bottom lip, another to the corner of his mouth, the place at his jaw where his stubble doesn't grow. Smooth under her lips. She wishes she could do this slowly, and in bed. And she rarely wants to do this slowly.

"Kate."

"Yeah."

"You are always worth the risk."

She comes back to his mouth, heart so tight it hurts, needing this kiss to last forever, to never stop pouring into him how much his words remake her, unmake her.

She's better because of him, more than a girl orphaned by murder and alcohol, more than a woman haunted by questions without answers, more than a detective who can't rest and doesn't know how to live. She's learned how to be Kate, how to be vulnerable to this, to be wide open - and all because of how he lays himself bare.

He's always the one exposing his jugular to love.

And it's when love bleeds them out that it's the best.


	50. Chapter 50

Dashiell glances up at his parents, but they are still talking in the very long line for the haunted maze. Ellery wriggles down out of Daddy's arms to be with Dash on the ground; she is too little to see much, but she saw some up there with Daddy.

"Long."

Dash sighs. He needs to see for himself, but there are all these people around, like it is in the city where they live, all these people who keep him from seeing what he needs to see.

Dash takes a single sideways step, edging away, being cautious, little steps, and then - a jerk - Mommy's hand is snagging his suspenders, holding him back. He wrinkles his nose but Ellery takes his other hand and does it for him, leaning, her head peering out past the legs of people in line.

She leans back in and nods. "Close, Dashy. Long but close."

He sighs and stays very still next to Mommy until she forgets and lets him go. He has to be good a little longer, so that she doesn't see him move again. Dashiell is more careful this time, sneaky like James Bond (Daddy reads him James Bond and also Harry Potter and Flat Stanley - Mommy got upset one time until Daddy said _I edit heavily_ which Dash doesn't know what that means only that Mommy thinks heavy edits are good things).

This time, being more patient, he is sneaky enough to creep past Mommy and Daddy and around the people.

When Dash finally sees the beginning of the maze, he gets excited. He's kept it tight in his chest, a ball, until he knew for sure that they're really going to make it - sometimes if he's too disappointed, it's hard to not cry and throw a fit, but there it is ahead of them. Lighted up by big round lights that should have the bat signal for Batman, but don't. And then the hay is really tall, way over his head, and the line of people goes in a few at a time, and still further in - just darkness and more hay and shrieks.

He likes shrieks.

The haunted maze is made of hay bales (Mommy taught him that word this morning), and two people in costumes are posted there at the start. It's not a maze like you have on kids' menus in the restaurant, but a big maze that you can't see from above. You can actually get lost (but Mommy says not with a Mommy and Daddy there with you. Still). Dash glances to his sister and she lifts her eyebrows.

"I see it," he says softly to her, trying not to interrupt Mommy and Daddy's quiet fight behind them. A quiet fight is the kind where Mommy wants to do things that are right, and Daddy wants to have fun. And it's not really a fight, because they're not mad and yelling - they really don't do a lot of yelling - but he thinks it's about the scary stuff.

Dashiell looks up at them, but no. They're not mad. That's good. It means Daddy will probably win. So they get to still go through the haunted maze.

He and Ellery are a few steps away from Mommy and Daddy; they are careful to keep in sight, but they are out of the people. Dash doesn't like to have people around too close, and it's better like this. He lets that ball of excitement go wherever it wants now; he bounces on his toes and pats his holster where his gun is - the toy gun which Daddy called a phaser because it's a space gun.

It's getting late because the line is so very long, but first it took awhile to get their costumes together. (He *told* Daddy not to get the pink toy gun for Ellery. He told him it was a bad idea, dude. But Daddy laughed at him and said Ellery liked pink, but even when Dash said that Mommy didn't wear pink, so Ellery wouldn't want to either, Daddy still didn't listen. So it's Daddy's fault that they had to run to the surfing store and get the water pistols for Ellery instead when she pitched a _holy terror_ of a fit). So they got here late and now Mommy is worried because the darker it gets, the scarier the maze gets. That's what it says. Someone told them that this morning when they came by.

"It's gonna be scary, Ellie," he warns, glancing over at his sister again. She likes the water pistol in her holster much better than the pink gun. She keeps patting it.

"I know it scary," she says back, lifting her chin at him.

He and Ellie are used to scary stuff. For Halloween, Daddy always makes these cool spider webs to hang over his bed and they put bugs and spiders in them, and then Daddy always makes some gross peeled eyeballs or rotting brains for breakfast for his birthday. For Ellie's room, Daddy has a cauldron (which is like a black pot for witches) and then a broom that's not at all like the broom Daddy sweeps with. So Ellie gets witch stuff and he gets the gross stuff, and they have red-blood juice and the brains and eyeballs for breakfast. Daddy is really good at Halloween.

"There might be guys with chainsaws," he tells Ellie.

"What's chains?"

"It's a thing with a blade that goes round and round and makes a really loud noise. It can cut off your arms and legs and your head-"

"Dashiell!" Mommy takes him by the arm, turns him around, brings him back to where they are standing in line.

"It's true. You told me so this morning," he says, frowning at her.

"I did not say they cut off your limbs," she growls at him. "Ellery, there won't be any chainsaws. That's for the adults."

"I not a baby," Ellie says back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, neither of you are babies. But some Halloween stuff is too scary for kids. Even big kids," Mommy says, squatting down in line to reach for Ellie. "Even sometimes adults."

Dashiell huffs and glances to Daddy - he should've won. So it should be fun. "Daddy. I need to go in the maze."

"We are. You will," Daddy says, reaching out and messing his hair up.

Dashiell ducks and smooths his hair back down. "Not funny. We have to do the maze! You promised! It's *my* birthday."

"Dashiell, what did I say?"

He turns away from Daddy, because he can sense that it's very close to not happening. And that will make him mad, but he doesn't want to be mad, he wants to go in the haunted maze, but they are being very unfair, and it's Daddy's *fault* anyway they are late and if he had just listened-

Mommy curls her hand around his neck and nudges him out of line; he tries to look back for everyone else, but he sees Daddy has Ellery - it's just him and Mommy.

He sighs, feels Mommy push him to the side. Out past the people, he gets a faceful of sky where the sun has started to set, orange and pink, and it hurts his eyes. He squints and looks away, finds Mommy's still and calm face.

He blinks away spots, watches Mommy. She kneels down next to him, pushes her hands down on his shoulders. Good pushes to keep him on the ground. His whole body checks in, one part at a time, like Ms. Julie said it would when he gets deep pressure. There's his feet, his knees, his waist; there's his shoulders and chest, and if he concentrates, there are his fingers in fists. He lets out a long sigh, uncurls his fingers. Mommy always makes him okay; Mommy does it just right.

"Hey, buddy," she says, using her quiet Dash voice. "Daddy and I are trying to keep you and Ellery from having nightmares."

He feels his chest tighten again because this sounds like a _no. _"Mommy-"

"Look at me, baby. Let's put the backtalk on pause. Just wait a second. Listen."

Mommy never has too much on her face. She's still and calm, and she makes him still and calm. Daddy's got things all over his face, his eyes are saying things and his mouth and his cheeks and his forehead - even his chin talks too much. Ms. Julie says it's body language. But Dashiell has no trouble with bodies saying things, just faces.

Mommy's face is calm. She says things with her mouth and it's what she means. She says things with her eyes and usually it is not any more than what she tells him all the time anyway.

"Dashiell," she says quietly. "If it gets too dark, then the maze has scary stuff in it. Me or Daddy will take you through without Ellery, though."

The tightness eases in his chest. "Really?"

"Yes. Your choice."

"My choice who takes me?"

She nods once and brushes her fingers through his hair. "Yes, baby. Either me or Daddy. We promised, and it's your birthday promise."

Dashiell leans in and wraps his arms around her neck, taking a deep breath. Mommy always smells good. He likes to stay right here.

She kisses him and her words are soft against his ear. The same thing, every time; she tells him the same things, even if the words are her words and not his, even if the words aren't the ones she's taught him before (_dušo_, _volim te, srce moje_):

_I love you, I love you; Nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you._

She whispers them over and over against his ear, her voice like the ocean when it picks him up in a wave and carries him.

Dashiell lets Mommy take him back to the line, carrying him even though he's a big kid, and even though he's still excited in that funny, nervous way about the haunted maze, he can be excited without the angry part, a way that isn't going to make him have a tantrum.

Dash sees an old lady watching him, her face with too much on it, so he stops hugging Mommy's neck and turns to look at Daddy instead, leaning back against Mommy's arm.

Daddy raises his eyebrows at him, but Dashiell smiles. "I'm good now, Daddy. I didn't mean to yell at you. I can be good again."

Mommy rubs his back and gives him a tight squeeze. "You are always good, Dashiell. Don't worry. Even when you're not obeying, or when you're being disrespectful, you are still good."

Dash looks at Ellery, waits for her to nod, and then he pats Mommy's shoulder. "Ellie is gonna be fine too. With the scary stuff. I promise, you guys."

"I not scared of chains," she says, pushing her hair back with both hands. Her shoes and striped pants and her button up shirt make her look like Mommy, but really tiny and without that mommy look. "I can take it."

Daddy laughs and lets Ellery down, holding her hand. Dashiell squirms so he can get down too, stands next to Ellie so that he can look up at Mommy. The old lady is watching him again, her and another lady. Dash stares at them for a moment, then remembers what he wants to tell his mom. "I won't have to pick, Mommy, because Ellie won't be scared."

"I won't be scared. Promise, Mommy." Ellie says it in a soft voice so that Mommy looks soft too - like she's eaten chocolate or like when Daddy sneaks up and kisses her cheek.

"We'll see, guys."

Mommy nudges him with her knee; Dash turns around and walks forward, closing the gap in the line. He peers around the people in front of them and sees they are even closer. Very close. With two guards that have long-face masks on. "Oh, Daddy - look! There are guys from that movie."

Mommy and Daddy both look, and Mommy hits Daddy in the chest. "Castle."

"I didn't let him *watch* the movie, jeez." Daddy puts a hand on his head and steers Dashiell back into line. "Tell Mommy."

"I didn't watch the movie," he sighs. "I just sawed the mask at the Halloween store. What's the movie called?"

"Scream."

"Yeah. It's a Scream."

Daddy snickers, but Mommy is giving him a look.

"I not scared 'a Scream," Ellery says with a sneer. "Not scary. Mommy not scared, so I not scared."

"All right, all right," Mommy says with a sigh. "Fine. We'll all go. But you-" She points at Ellery first, and then Dash. "If either of you get too scared - and I will know when you're too scared - we are heading right out."

The woman behind them in line - the one Dash has seen watching him all this time - sniffs and turns to the other old lady she's with, saying something he can't hear. Daddy rolls his eyes and grabs Mommy's elbow even as Mommy is about to turn around. Mommy has angry eyes.

"Mommy?" Dash asks.

Ellery leans in close to him and whispers, "That lady said Mommy was being bad."

"Bad?"

Ellie nods solemnly. "She used a word. I don't know the word. It sounded bad."

"Mommy, what did that old lady say?" Dashiell asks loudly, trying to get his parents' attention.

Daddy grins and turns to him. "The old lady said we're bad parents. For letting you two go in the maze."

He knew it was close, knew that Mommy and Daddy were arguing over the fun stuff. And this stupid old lady with her bad smell is gonna ruin everything. Dash puffs out his chest and starts to stalk back to the old lady and her old lady friend. "You take that back! Mommy is the best Mommy-"

Daddy grabs him by the suspenders with a fist, tugs on him. Dash stumbles back into Mommy, she catches him, but he's still feeling. . .feeling. . .growly. Growly. He wants to be a bear at them.

"Don't talk about my mommy and daddy. They let me do this for my birthday. And they're better than your mommy and daddy *any* day."

The old lady who said the bad thing has both hands on her hips. She narrows her eyes at him, but the other lady is red in the face. Not the angry red, but the red where people try to laugh but no one else is laughing.

"Dashiell," Mommy murmurs, puts her hand up to the side of his face, cupped around his cheek, so he can't see the two old ladies any longer. She steers him back, but he thinks this isn't the right thing.

"Make them say they're sorry," he says loudly. "They should apologize. You always make *me* apologize when I'm mean and being rude."

"Well, you're very close to rude right now, kiddo. So cool it." Daddy looks down at him with his stern look. "They're adults. They get to say what they like."

"It's not fair."

Dashiell crosses his arms, and Ellery mimics him, shooting one of her mean-eyes looks at the two ladies over their shoulders. Mommy is blocking his view, but he knows they're still there.

"Life isn't fair," Mommy says. "Tough cookies." Mommy is trying to make him laugh, and it almost works, but then-

A voice speaks up. "Let me apologize for both of us." The old lady's friend steps closer to Mommy and holds up her hands. "I'm sorry for that. It's not our place. And your little guy is right to call us out on it. Even if it is embarrassing."

Dashiell smiles at her, feeling better already. "It's embarrassing to apologize, isn't it? I hate apologizing."

"Dashiell," Mommy hushes him.

"It is - Dashiell, is it? It's terribly mortifying."

"I know that word!" Dash pipes up. "It's like real bad embarrass. Right, Daddy?"

"Yeah, buddy. So why don't you say you're sorry for being angry and embarrassing them?"

He sighs and his shoulders slump. This isn't what he wanted to do. "Sorry."

"We're even," the old lady says. "I'm Maggie, and this is my sister Melinda. It does get pretty scary in that haunted maze, you know. We were worried. But you guys seem really brave. Standing up for your Mommy and Daddy. You have to have a lot of courage to do that."

Dash gives her a grin, looks at his Mommy once to make sure it's okay. "Yup. I'm a space cowboy and Ellery is a smoking hot-" Daddy clamps a hand over his mouth, cutting off his words. He rolls his eyes up to look at Daddy, but Daddy is watching Mommy carefully and trying not to laugh.

"I a Mommy!" Ellery says, pulling the sheriff's badge off her belt (it was all they could find, but Dashiell isn't allowed to tell her it's not a detective's shield. It's their little secret). "Pow, pow. I catch bad people. I wear shoes."

"Oh, you're a police man - or well, woman." The old lady laughs and glances to Mommy. "So, I guess you are too."

Mommy presses her lips together, turns away from Daddy to give the old lady a nod. "I am."

Dashiell yanks Daddy's hand away. "She's a detective. She detects murder!"

Mommy's head whips back around to him, looking shocked. Not the good kind, where it's just surprise. Uh-oh.

"Ca - Rick," she says in that low, not-good voice.

Daddy sighs, shrugs his shoulders at Mommy. "Later."

"Mommy is a detective who investigates murders, huh?" The old lady shivers but she's smiling. But this now doesn't look like the nice smile of before, but like the fake smiles that always make Dash mad. Because if you say one thing and make your mouth all funny to say something else, they should go together. They shouldn't say opposite things.

Her friend - her sister - is still behind them in line, and she hasn't said anything yet, but she does now. "That must be such an exciting job. Does Mommy tell you all about it? All the fun details?"

He's not sure why, but Daddy steps in closer to Mommy and takes her hand; Dashiell sees his mommy glance between them - the old lady and his daddy - and then she says nothing. But it looks like she has a lot to say.

Dashiell thinks maybe he's not supposed to answer. He's not sure. Sometimes they play a game where they don't say everything. Like when Mommy just now called Daddy by his first name instead of his special name. She calls him Rick when they are with people they don't know very well.

When he's on the playground or at school, and talking to friends, he can say whatever he likes. No rules. But no talking to strangers, and no sharing lots of the fun things with people who talk to Mommy and Daddy who aren't already friends. If it's Tio or Tia, or Uncle Kevin or Aunt Jenny, then Dash can say stuff and it's _no problemo_ (Tio taught him that).

There are also people who take pictures of him and Ellie too much. They sometimes talk to Mommy and Daddy, but Dash isn't supposed to talk back to them. Even to be polite. Daddy says you don't have to be polite to people who take your picture on the street.

Then, last, there are people who are fans. It's not the kind of fans that blow a breeze, but Dashiell likes to think of Daddy's fans as being fans like this - people who spin fast and create a wind that blows away all his coloring pages and his Daddy's writing pages, people who can _wreak havoc_ (Daddy taught him that one). But people fans really aren't that kind. Mommy says they are people who like Daddy's books and want to talk to Daddy all about them. And if there is a fan, then Dashiell and Ellery should run away and find an adult they trust.

He glances back and forth between Mommy and Daddy, but it's been a long silence now and sometimes after someone asks a question and the silence goes too long, you don't have to answer. He's learned that rule too.

Dash glances down to Ellery, because she usually knows. Ellie shrugs at him. "Mommy mad."

He nods at her and glances back to the old lady and her sister, but they are back in line behind them and Mommy is staring straight ahead. Yes, she's really mad.

Dash slips away from Daddy's hand and reaches up to Mommy's belt, tucking his fingers in like he used to do all the time when he was Ellery's age. She likes that sometimes. It can make her still and calm again, sometimes, just like she makes him still and calm.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?" She looks down at him, blows out a breath, smiles at him. "Yeah."

"Are they big fans?"

Mommy laughs, a loud and happy laugh, and leans over to kiss him. "No, baby. They are definitely not fans. Now look, we're nearly there."

She turns him around, and he can see the maze right in front of them. No people ahead of them. It's so dark, but there are some of those bright, bat-signal spotlights shining in places. The two Scream guys have their arms crossed and are shaking their heads, so it means they have to wait.

He bounces up and down and takes Ellery's hand. "Don't get scared, baby girl."

"I NOT a BABY!" Ellie yells at him.

"Fine, fine," he grumbles, but he can't help giggling at her. "You're not a baby."

Mommy takes his hand, Daddy takes Ellie's, and then the two big Scream guys are letting them inside the maze.

This is going to be the best Halloween birthday ever.

Even if he does get scared.


	51. Chapter 51

**thanks to IProMIseNOw for the Croatian**

* * *

><p>Oh. Kate was right.<p>

This is probably too much for the kids.

Every time something else pops out from the rows of corn stalks, or around a stack of hay bales, Dashiell takes off like a bat out of hell. True to his name. And it's Kate who has to run after him, and she doesn't look thrilled with that.

Of course, after the two women in line behind them made those comments about Kate's parenting ("all the gory details"), he's pretty sure tonight was shot as far as she's concerned. Still, he's noticed that the scarier costumed employees are taking it easy with Dash and Ella, like they're passing the word up front to watch out for the little kids.

Still. For awhile now, this girl (she's probably sixteen, but she looks ten) in a tattered, dirty white dress with black around her eyes and red smears around her mouth and down her neck, fake blood in her dress - she's been following him and Ellery for the last. . .oh, at least five minutes.

It's seriously unnerving. Ellery is in his arms, and has been since the first creature lunged out at Dash and the boy shrieked like a little girl and ran off. Kate disappeared down the maze after him, and Ella practically climbed his body to get into his arms.

Seriously, this ghost girl is taking the job too far. "Good job, kid. You're freaking me out. Now go pester someone else," he says, arching an eyebrow at the little wraith behind him.

She doesn't speak, doesn't move away. Ellery grips his neck. If it were just him. Or if it were just him and Kate. . .he'd probably be running just like his son. But since it's Ella in his arms, Ella needing her father to pretend like that chick is not seriously wigging him out, then he's got to tough it out, man up, be her hero.

"All right. Follow us then. It's cool," he says, shrugging his shoulders for Ella's benefit. Since his back is turned to the girl in the white dress, he can't see her (which is bad) and Ella can (which is also bad). But he's not sure how to fix that.

It's well and truly dark in the maze now, but he rounds a corner and nearly trips over Dash. "Hey. Where's Mom?"

"Back there," Dash says, then bounces up and down on his toes, actually jumping, as if he is trying to see-

Oh. Ug, Kate will so not like this.

They're about to hang someone.

Well, fake hang. But-

"What they doing, Daddy?" Ellery says in a soft voice.

Castle glances back to his daughter and somehow - yeah, she's right, Kate is right - this is so much worse. He doesn't want Ellery to see this. His baby girl? No. Not good.

"Dash, where's Mommy?"

"Back there. I don't know."

"Daddy, what is that?"

"Dash-" He growls and spins in a slow circle, searching for Kate. He digs his phone out of his pocket-

"Daddy, hold me up so I can see. I wanna see him get hung."

"Hanged," he automatically corrects, narrowing his eyes through the darkness as he fiddles with this phone. Ellery keeps twisting her head to look, seemingly as entranced as Dashiell is, and now there's a crowd of maze-goers who are at the foot of a platform surrounded by hay bales. Everyone's watching, chatting in the warm night; Castle tries to text Kate but he can't get a good grip on his phone. The spotlight flares brightly to illuminate the cluster of actors; a man dressed in medieval peasant garb is led to the noose, a bag over his head.

He doesn't hear the actors' lines because Dashiell is loudly telling him_ I can't see_, tugging on his shirt, so Castle gives in and picks him up as well, a kid in each arm, his phone useless in his fist.

Damn it.

"Ellery. Put your head down, close your eyes."

"I wanna watch."

Okay, seriously. What is he supposed to say to that? No? Wouldn't that make it all the more strange and mysterious and attractive? Public hanging. From ages and ages ago. And they're acting. It's like a bad play.

Dashiell is entirely calm - apparently the last thing that sent him running hasn't exactly damaged him (was it a guy dressed like a mummy?) - and his eyes are avidly following the movement on stage.

The executioner reads off a long list of crimes - stealing bread and cursing in public, blah blah blah - and then he flips a long, wooden handle and the bottom drops out-

"They hanged him! He's dangling!"

And well, it is a nice feat of magic. Some kind of misdirection to get the real actor out from the noose-

"Castle!"

He winces and turns, sees Kate coming towards him against the crowd now leaving the spectacle. In that moment, he gets that they've all been made medieval peasants, hungering for the sight of the macabre, eager blood lust, no better than spectators at the Roman coliseum, and he absolutely hates that and loves it at the same time.

Theatre. And this wasn't even good theatre.

"What the hell, Castle?"

"Language, Kate-"

"The furthest thing on my mind right now," she interrupts, tugging Dashiell out of his arms.

"They're fine."

"A hanging, Castle."

"It's fake."

"I know it's fake," she hisses, but her eyes keep flickering to Ella, and he sees her anger is more likely concern, and maybe some shame as well. Those two ladies' comments again. Or just. . .deeply rooted discomfort over how much she can't tell her kids about her job. They should probably talk about that - he's open to explaining, even though she hasn't been.

"Ellery wanted to watch. And Dash couldn't see. And I tried to find you-" He shrugs at her, swinging Ella around to his other side. His daughter looks normal, calm, unruffled. "Guys, any questions about what we saw?"

"Yeah!" Dashiell says with a fist pump. "Can we see it again?"

"No," Kate spits out, stalking away from the platform with their son in her arms.

"But Mo-om," Dashiell whines, struggling to get down. Kate lets him, and at that moment, a hunched figure breaks from the cornstalks and leers down at Dashiell.

"You like to see 'em swing?" he rasps, a rough and ragged voice that sounds like death itself.

Dashiell screams; Ellery startles; Dash is gone.

Kate glares at the undertaker-employee so viciously, so deadly, that for a moment, the guy steps back. And then Kate is off after Dash.

Castle goes by and pats the man on the shoulder. "Sorry, man. My kid loved it. My wife-? Eh, she thinks this is all. . .a little too much. Not your fault."

The undertaker blinks at him, then turns and fades back into the cornstalks.

Ellery hugs his neck and whispers. "Daddy, the girl is following us."

Castle glances behind them and there she is. The stringy-haired, white-dress little girl, head cocked at a funny angle, silent and shadowy and entirely too freaky.

Freaky.

He's not scared. He's just. . .on edge.

* * *

><p>Kate finds Dashiell by following his half-hysterical giggles. He's leaning against a stack of hay bales taller than her head, clutching his stomach, and laughing so breathlessly that she's afraid he's going to pass out.<p>

"You having fun?" she asks, not really all that pleased.

"This is so good. It's better than the haunted mansion Daddy always takes me to."

"The one that made you pee in your pants?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at him. Okay, admittedly low blow coming from mom, but she has seriously had it with Castle's idea of appropriate fun. She knew she should've taken Ellery and gone to get ice cream or something the moment the sunlight started to fade.

A hanging. That damned, infuriating man just let her two year old daughter watch a hanging.

What good is it for her to conceal every dark shadow of her job, every blot and stain, if her husband is just going to be so blase about death and parade horror in front of their kids like it's nothing? Like it's not real and couldn't ever happen to them-

Oh.

Shit. She hates it when she's wrong.

Or when he's more right.

Because that's the whole idea, isn't it? The whole idea is to make her kids feel safe, feel loved, feel like no, the horror couldn't ever really happen to them.

Even though it could.

A haunted maze and a fake hanging are better than the details of some grisly pop-and-drop, or a domestic violence call, or the way the body goes black and blue and stiffens up after so many hours left outside. Better to see an actor swing that to view an autopsy.

"I'm not gonna pee in my pants tonight." Dashiell says with a little glare. "I'm older now. Jeez, Mom."

Mom. Ug, she hates that it makes him sound so old. And her as well. But they grow up. He's growing up. Her son isn't that four week old that wouldn't sleep and rooted around in her arms seeking her warmth. She maybe still gets to whisper in his ear and hold him close to her chest, but he's nearly five years old. He'll be in real school next year; he has ideas of his own. He likes words and scary stuff and playing with dinosaurs who eat people. He's a boy.

"Okay, all right. I'm sorry. Let's. . .wait for Daddy and Ella, okay?"

"Did you see that dude? He just came out of nowhere," Dash wheezes, still scared silly and loving it. "He had blood around his eyes, too, Mom. He was like, all wretched and bent over-"

Mom again. "Mm, wretched? Good word."

"Yeah," he says, brightening up. "Daddy said it. Long time ago. I don't know for what."

"Daddy likes to use good words," she says, leaning against the stack of hay beside her son, a little amazed at having this conversation with him in the middle of a haunted maze.

"Daddy said. . .uh, scin - scin - scent-or-date?"

"Scintillate?" Kate glances down at the top of his head, the dark hair that still waves along the top of his head, remnants of the curls he had as a baby. She misses the baby stage; she never thought she would feel that way, but she does. Misses the little body close to hers and the smell, the paper-thin skin and the wrinkly face that plumps out into fat cheeks.

"Scintuh - That's it. Means really super interesting," Dash finishes. "I like that one too."

"Daddy taught you that one. Scintillate."

"Yup. And hanged."

Sigh. "Hanged. Yes."

"I thought it was hung."

"Oh. Well, that's one of those strange English rules, kiddo. When you talk about the past, hanging someone in the past, it's hanged. He was hanged. But if you're just hanging up something in the past, you hung it up."

"But the man was hung up."

"Except he's a man." Oh. And this might actually turn out okay, if she spins it right. "Don't you think there's a big difference in hanging up a stocking for Christmas and hanging a person?"

"Yes," Dash says quietly; she can tell he's thinking.

"So you show that you know there's a difference, that it's important, by saying the man was hanged, not hung like some old stocking."

"Oh."

"Words can tell you which things have more meaning - just by how you say it."

"Because it's not nice to hang a man."

"No, baby, it's not."

"Even if he's a bad guy?"

Oh well, right. Dashiell would automatically assume the guy being led to the noose was a bad guy, that he deserved it. Dash would have no idea of politics or social justice or medieval history or poverty.

Best to keep it simple. "I think that's the point of hanging a bad guy, Dash. It's not a nice thing to do, even if it's what you should do to bad guys." Huh, and now she and Castle need to talk about the death penalty and what they plan on telling their kids about that whole concept. She has a feeling Castle isn't really pro death penalty. Damn, this gets complicated fast, the older they get. "So, if you make sure that you know there's a difference, Dash, then it means something. It's respect for that person's life, even though they were a bad guy."

Dashiell turns his face up to her, his eyes dark and filled with questions he doesn't even know the words for. Questions about her, she knows, about her job and what it must be like for the police to catch those same bad guys. He might be growing up, but he's still too young to understand, to grasp the shades of grey inherent in catching killers.

"Like - like -" Dash struggles for a moment, then seems to finally land on the words he wants to use. "Like when we have karate class."

Kate shifts, glances back down the maze for Castle and Ella, tries to follow this twisting turn of Dashiell's conversation. "Karate class."

"We fight. And we kick and hit. But it's not nice to kick and hit. I get in trouble for kicking and hitting and fighting Ellery. Or a boy at school. But not in karate class. They tell us to in karate."

Kate sinks down to her heels so she can look at her son. Her marvelous, too-bright, always thinking son. She should have known that he would, in his own way, somehow understand.

"Yes, baby. Just like that."

"And I go to karate because there are bad people. Like you go to karate."

She nods once, waits for him to process that as well. Castle was the one to start calling her sparring and mixed martial arts training karate. For the kids' sake, to give them a point of reference. And to make Dash excited about his karate classes.

"But you catch all the bad people, right, Mommy? None of them get away."

His face is so vulnerable, so seeking - her little boy. "Yes, Dash. All of them." A promise she can never live up to, made because he needs it, because he's still her little boy.

"All the people in the maze are good people, under the costume. They're not bad people," he says then, a little frown working on his face. "That's why. . .why being scared is fun."

Well, sure. Okay. "Yes. You're right. Being scared is. . .is fun." It's not Castle he gets this from, is it? No. She has to be honest. The screaming? Sure, Castle. But feeling more alive with the thrill? The frisson of excitement when faced with non-life-threatening terror? That's her - and that's part of what has kept her at her job for so long now.

Dash nods to himself, tucks his hands into his suspenders, gives her a wide smile. "I love you, Mommy."

She cracks a smile back at him, reaches out to catch him in a hug.

"But I *love* being scared," he says, a delicious shiver running through his voice. "Is that okay?"

And Kate has to laugh, kissing his ear, whispering to him all the things he needs to know:

_"Šta god da uradiš neće me natjerati da te prestanem voljeti."_

_Nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you._


	52. Chapter 52

"Dashiell, not in the corn. If you run off in there, I will never be able to find you," Kate says, her tone tinging towards more than just exasperation.

Castle comes up behind her, trying to be sneaky even as Ellery giggles, and whispers in Kate's ear, "Children of the Corn."

She reaches back - not even missing a beat - and tweaks his ear. "Not funny."

Ellery kicks her feet, so Castle lets the girl down; she runs ahead to take her brother's hand and they creep forward together around a corner. Kate is right at their heels, so Castle hurries to catch up.

"Was too, funny."

In this strangely lit section of the maze (they are seriously, hopelessly lost), Kate throws him a glance meant to be strident or rebuking, but it ends up being half-smiling. He grins and reaches for her hand, mirroring their kids, lacing their fingers together.

"Hey, babe," he says softly, glad to have her back. Not the woman over-sensitive about what a couple of idiots said in line, not the woman ready to scratch his eyes out because their kids are enjoying themselves (at a hanging, and a haunted maze, but really; they're enjoying it).

"Children of the Corn," she scoffs, shaking her head. "Lame, Castle. You can do better."

"It was first published in 'Penthouse'," he adds, knowing it won't help. He just likes saying it.

"Which is kinda funny, because it makes me think of-"

"Of what?" he gasps, blinking at her in staged shock.

She laughs, actually laughs, and that's so good to hear. "Flowers in the Attic."

"Oh, gross."

"Yeah," she says, and she can't seem to walk straight, because she keeps bumping into him, nudging him with a hip or a shoulder, their arms pressing together at the wrists and elbows too. "All the girls in my middle school were passing it around. But I never thought it was all that racy, despite the promised incest."

"Ew, ew, Beckett. Don't soil my ears."

"And rural farm children killing all the adults in town is somehow better?"

"I'll choose Stephen King's brand of horror over that any day."

She laughs again. "Well, I didn't much like it either. The girl is locked in an attic with her brothers and sister, slowly being poisoned, and she doesn't do a thing to stop it. She just lolls in bed moaning about how their mother doesn't love them anymore-"

"And how attractive her brother looks-"

"Ew. Yes. Ug. It was terrible." Kate bumps his hip again and this time, he's pretty sure it's on purpose. Touching him, getting close. He likes it; he'll take it. Though he wishes they could stop talking about incest.

"I think Alexis read that too."

"Oh, sad; I would've saved her the trouble."

"Not sure she would've listened. Of course, you were nowhere on our radar then. I think she was twelve-"

"Oh." She sighs and turns her cheek, her lips brushing his shoulder. "That makes me sad."

"What?"

"Nothing." She shrugs and tugs him around another corner, following the kids. "You want to know the really terrible part about that though?"

"Yes, yes I do."

She purses her lips at him, but continues. "When I later read Jude the Obscure - have you read it? I don't want to ruin it-"

"I've read it. Nothing like Thomas Hardy for a real depressing time."

She shoves on his shoulder to shut him up, but, come on Kate, it's true.

"Well, when the little boy kills his brothers and sisters? He leaves a note that says 'Done because we are too menny.' His parents are first cousins; they were struggling to make ends meet, trying to hide their kinship, but they can't get married because of it. Their relationship falls apart after that, but all I could think about - those little bodies - were the four kids locked in the attic, slowly being poisoned. That terrible, incestuous book - or the story at least - it affected me."

"That *is* terrible. Thomas Hardy is turning in his grave."

She hums at that, part acknowledgment of his lame attempt to keep the humor going, and part reflection. He knows that hum - some kind of crazy, mind-altering statement is going to come from those gorgeous lips, and he'll be standing in the middle of the corn trying to figure out how the heck she blindsided him again.

"Do you think there's such a thing as too many?" she asks. "When we live like we do."

At that moment, a chainsaw roars to life farther ahead in the maze and both kids come flying back to them, a collision of shrieking and arms and legs and elbows, and he's trying to keep one of them from climbing his ribs even as Kate kneels to scoop up the other - and then -

then, it hits him.

Too many what?

Kids?

* * *

><p>She has a ringing in one ear from the persistent and high-pitched screaming (from *Ellery* of all people) as the teenager with a non-spinning chainsaw lumbered out of the rows of corn near the end of the maze. Ella never once buried her face or closed her eyes; nope, not at all. Neither did Dash. They didn't cower either. They weren't quiet about it, but the chainsaw-wielding Jason-masked individuals who sprang out of the cornstalks made even Kate's heart race and her hand twitch for her gun.<p>

Ellery nearly choked Kate trying to get away, but in between the screaming was hysterical giggling, her brother in Castle's arms right behind them and doing the same. Which now makes for two tired, over-stimulated kids.

As soon as they exit the maze, both kids want down so they can run around and act like little monsters, pretending to terrorize each other. This is seriously the most animated Kate has ever seen little Ellery, and Castle is trying to show them both the aerial photograph of the corn maze posted near the ticket booth. People in line are throwing the kids these indulgent, soft smiles even as they bounce like Tiggers from hay bale to wooden fence to parent's leg.

Okay, Castle was right. They loved it.

Kate wanders over towards them as well, but catches a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye, turns to get a better look.

The girl behind her holds up a finger to her blood-red mouth, lifts an eyebrow, then nods her head at Castle.

Ohhh, this is the ghost in white he complained was following him and Ellery around all night. The ghost-girl kept popping up whenever he and Kate got separated, so he said, but Kate thought he was making it up to get her attention. Castle has a tendency to exaggerate the truth if it makes a better story.

But this? This is good.

Kate nods and bites her lip to keep from laughing, watches from a few feet away as the girl glides into position. Not even three inches away from Castle. Silent. Waiting. Patient. Damn, the girl is good.

Ellery sees her first, a flicker of real fear that tumbles across her face. Kate sways, about to hurry towards her, but Ellery looks immediately to Kate, sees there's no harm, and instead watches the girl. Dash figures it out next, probably because he's so attuned to his little sister's needs, and he swivels his head to see the ghost.

Dash almost ruins it; he's opening his mouth to tell Castle, but Kate catches his eye first, shakes her head slowly, grinning. Dash gives her curious _I don't understand_ kind of look, but he closes his mouth.

Castle is prattling on about the aerial photograph, reading the little facts to the kids: "It took three months to cut the corn into the shape of a surfer catching a wave, but-"

"Castle," she calls, calmly, waiting.

And of course, Castle turns around.

And screams.

Like a girl.

The kids burst into laughter even as Castle jumps a mile, his body contorting in that way she's only seen a few times before (on cases that didn't go so well), his high-pitched scream immediately tapering off into that yelling-release kind of thing as he shivers and realizes what he's seeing.

"Oh God," he moans, slumping back against the wooden fence.

She has to say - to his credit, he shoved both kids behind him first. Ellery doesn't look too pleased by that move, but Dashiell is already squirming to get around his father.

Kate walks forward, gives the girl a nod of thanks as she turns silently back to the maze. Ellery is jumping up and down now, while Dashiell giggles uncontrollably on the ground, holding his belly, gasping for breath.

Castle opens his eyes when she gets close. "You are evil."

"Mm, I certainly am. That was payback for this afternoon."

"That is not the kind of payback I look forward to," he says, still sounding winded.

"Sure you do, Castle. You loved it."

He closes one eye, narrows the other one at her, hand to his chest. "You - that thing - practically gave me a heart attack."

"Getting old, stud." And even as she grins at him, teasing, it strikes her that he *is* getting old. Not old old, but older. Jeez, they both are. And they run around here, have this life like they've got all kinds of time, when really, Kate needs to start thinking not about how she can get Castle back at the 12th, but how she can get herself out of it.

She's never - she would never have thought, only a year ago, that she'd want out. But she does - eventually. She wants to make it out of the 12th alive. Not this year, or anything, but it's definitely a goal. She wants to retire, like Castle said, and go live on a beach with her kids and her husband. She wants to make it home in time for dinner every night; she doesn't want to miss her son's karate demonstration or her daughter's swimming lesson when she finally jumps off the high diving board.

It's not just that. She expected to be done with the baby thing, but it's been coming back up lately, and they need to talk about it seriously because they are both getting older. And - and -

"Kate?"

She snaps back to here and now, finds him leaning over, hands on his knees, his face half-turned to look at her, apparently still caught up in playacting his fright for the kids' benefit.

"Yeah."

"You believe me now, right? Little Ghost Girl is seriously freaky. Dash says no, but I say-"

Kate rolls her eyes and hooks her arm under his, tugs him up. "Oh, get over it, Castle. She wasn't that freaky."

"But back there in the maze-"

"Sure, Daddy, sure," Dashiell says, grinning at them, looking oh-so-superior. Kate really wants to do something to wipe that smug look off his face, but that would be mean.

It would be mean. Wouldn't it?

She still wants to scary him silly when they get to the car. She's just not sure how to do that.

"Oh-ho, someone is asking for it," Castle says, following alongside Kate as they head back through the crowd towards the parking lot.

Ella speaks up. "She was too scary. Right Daddy?"

"Thank you, cricket. At least someone-"

"Yeah, big man, your littlest is taking your side."

Castle gives her a glare, but she just grins at him, entirely pleased with herself. And it wasn't even her idea.

Kate leans over and scoops up Ellery as the girl dawdles, evidently starting to crash after her jaunt through the maze. Jaunt. It was more like - Kate checks her watch - three hours. Three hours? Ella's laying her head against Kate's shoulder.

"Castle, it's ten o'clock," she says, catching up to him and Dash. "We've got to get these kids in bed."

"Ten? Wow. We suck at mazes," Castle laughs. "Okay, Dash-"

"Can I have the clicker?" he interrupts, holding his hand back for the keys as they enter the long rows of irregularly parked cars in the middle of the field.

"Uh, sure. Hold on." Castle digs through his cargo shorts pocket, a look of close-panic on his face.

Kate grins to herself and slides her hand into her back pocket, pulls out the keys quietly. She waits a moment, lets the tension build, then holds them out, letting them dangle.

"Here you go, Dash."

Castle turns and gives her one of his _I should be angry at you _looks that only makes her laugh. Kate comes in close, Dash snatches the keys from her hand, and Castle takes her by the hip, lands a hard kiss on her mouth.

Delicious. He smells like adrenaline and his heart is still racing; she can feel it under her palm.

Ellery pushes on their faces. "No kissy-face. Ew."

Kate breaks away with a laugh, bites her bottom lip as Castle tries to eat her up with only his eyes.

"No kissy-face, Daddy," she warns, taking his hand again. Ella's cheek is flushed and pressed against her clavicle; Kate kisses her instead.

Ahead of them, Dashiell is jumping up and down and pointing the remote unlock button on the key fob, searching for the answering lights of their rental SUV.

"I found it!" he says excitedly, and almost breaks into a run.

But something stops him; he waits, looking both surprised at his own restraint and eager for someone else to notice.

Castle does, of course. He notices because he really is a good daddy. "Thank you, Dashiell, for *not* running away in a parking lot. Slytherin gets 500 points for their house."

Dash giggles. "I'm not in Slytherin, Daddy!"

"Oh right, right. What house are you in again?"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Sure, okay. Ravenclaw gets 500 points then."

"How many points am I at now?" he asks, holding his arms up to his father.

Kate arches an eyebrow when Castle glances back at her for help. *She* has no idea; this is their game.

"You are at three thousand five hundred," Castle says, easily picking Dash up and curling his hand around the keys.

Kate shifts Ellery higher on her hip and nudges Castle for the keys back. She needs to drive tonight; she's got things going around in her head and she needs to be in control for awhile.

Castle watches her a second, but releases the keys into her hand. "Thinking how many is too many?" he asks softly. "Or maybe not enough?"

Kate sighs. He always knows.

"I'll talk to you later."


	53. Chapter 53

"Are we having this conversation?" he asks, carrying Dash down the hallway of the condominium and talking to the back of Kate's head.

"Later," she hisses.

He bares his teeth at her (because she can't see him) and keeps at it. "Seriously, Kate. Are you really thinking-"

"Castle. Let me first *not* be lugging around thirty pounds of almost-three year old, and then we can talk."

He pauses behind her while she fumbles with the door. "Actually, Ella weighs 27 pounds, but you missed her last check up-"

"Castle," she growls, her eyes flashing in the darkness.

He's making a point. She gets it; he can see that. But maybe it will temper the conversation she seems to want to have with him. She missed the baby's doctor's appointment last time, as well as Dashiell's karate demonstration two weeks ago, as well as this charity event she *made* him sign on to fundraise for, and seriously? Seriously, Kate?

She wants to talk about having more kids when she can't even make it to-

He's not bitter. No, he realizes it sounds like he's bitter or frustrated, but he's not.

Does it still sound like he is?

No. Truly, it's not that important. A karate demonstration was missed, yes, but when Kate got home early that day, in time for the kids' dinner, Dash still had on his karategi and was perfectly willing to do an at-home demonstration. Dash's face when he showed off his green belt with its one white stripe was priceless, and Kate didn't miss a thing.

And so what if she doesn't make it to every doctor's appointment? - neither does he. Sometimes she takes the kid, sometimes he does; it's whoever's schedule works out the best that day. When Dash got a light case of chicken pox (despite having the vaccination), Castle was out of town on his book tour. Kate was the one who stayed home with him, shipping Ellery off to her father's house just in case, and (apparently) cuddling up with him and watching Castle's space cowboy show.

Uh-huh. Shades of Temptation Lane. For boys.

He's not bitter. He just wants her to really think about this. Because his immediate answer?

Yeah, she knows his answer. He hasn't been vocal about it, but. . .

Well, maybe joking around with Dash, getting his son to ask for a little brother, maybe that wasn't entirely ethical, but it worked. (Still, Dash told him he doesn't want a little brother, he wants a little sister, because he said he likes sisters better, so maybe that idea wasn't so smart in the first place.)

Still. He wants her to think about this. With her head, not her all-too-mushy heart.

Kate Beckett - mushy? Well, no, Kate Beckett is not mushy.

But Kate Castle? Yes. Kate Castle is mushy.

"Castle, get in here," she calls quietly, a hint of steel in her voice.

He snaps back to reality (Eminem's 'Lose Yourself' is gonna be stuck in his head now, especially since that's on his running playlist -_ oh there goes gravity_) and he moves into Dashiell's darkened room with the boy still passed out against his chest and the song on a loop in his brain.

Castle expects to be woken a few times tonight by kids with nightmares, but he's fully prepared to take on the maternal duty. His fault. Maternal? Ahh, slip of the tongue. Or mind. Something. Castle is feeling rather punchy himself. Tired but jazzed. Buzzing. Must be getting scared half out of his mind by ghost girl, with Kate's full and complete cooperation.

They're not into the kinky stuff, no, ug, no, and despite how hot it is when Kate gets bossy, he is not and never will be into dominatrix stuff, but that scare did something to him-

Think about that later.

Dash stirs as Castle lowers him to the bed, but his eyes don't open. He tugs off the kid's cowboy boots, brushes his hair back, checks around the collar of his shirt to make sure it won't strangle him in his sleep. The suspenders are twisted up in the back, somehow, but Castle manages to unwind them too, unclips them from the boy's pants.

And then, since Dashiell is still passed out, Castle goes ahead and unbuttons his shirt too, slides it off of him, and replaces it with his pajama top. He even has to tug the shirt down over his head, careful of the stitches, but Dashiell is like a rag doll, dead to the world.

Then off come the pants and socks, Castle wrinkling his nose at the smelly sweaty stink of the kid's feet after being jammed in those boots all night. Castle leaves him in (what else?) cowboy underwear and his striped pajama shirt, pulls the covers up over him.

He bends down and kisses Dash's cheek, but still, his son is heavy with sleep.

He feels Kate at his back, the touch of her fingertips at his ribs to let him know she's there, in the darkness at their son's bedside. She leans in as he straightens, takes her turn kissing Dashiell good night, her fingers feathering over the bandage still covering his stitches.

Castle reaches out, strokes his hand down the back of her arm in parting, heads through the connecting bathroom to Ellery's room. Some of the light from the condo's hallway spills in through her curtains; Castle adjusts them a little and turns back to the bunk beds.

Ella is a small lump under the sheets, dark hair on the pillow. Kate has dropped her clothes at the side of the bed just like he did Dash's costume. Neither kid has been bathed, but they can do that in the morning.

He kneels down at her bedside, leans in to feel her breath stir against his cheek. He strokes his thumb across her temple, pushing the hair out of her closed eyes, can't help the twist in his heart when he remembers holding her for the first time, the tiny little thing with the alien face and pointy head and thin fingers that curled up under her chin. The quiet, so that they almost never knew when she needed them. The amazing blue eyes. The way she seemed to be able to focus on his face and lock in, the two of them alone in the world.

"Good night, cricket," he murmurs and leans in to kiss her beautiful face.

* * *

><p>Kate waits in the hallway until Castle slips silently out of Ellery's room. She can see his face, even in the darkness, and with the clarity of the last few days, in that look she knows his true heart, knows that the deepest part of him wants this, desires it, but he will never ask, never insist on it.<p>

And this makes her love him more. She didn't even think it was possible to love him more and still-

"Rick."

He wraps his arms around her waist in a choking hug, squeezes and lifts her from her feet; she can feel him breathing her in, affected by the sweet, precious ritual of tucking their kids in at night. She hugs him back, gives in to his need for connection.

But he lets her go, steps back, waits on her to begin.

"Balcony," she directs, and heads for the living room and the sliding glass doors.

From behind her, Castle opens the balcony door before she can even touch it, nudges her over the threshold. She stands in the warm, open air of deep evening, hears the susurration of the ocean far below and so wide.

"So start, Kate."

Not like this, with him ready to do battle against her. Battle against himself, really. Battle against what he wants.

"Sit with me?" she asks, knowing that he can't refuse her requests.

Castle shifts on his feet then sighs and drops down into the lounge chair, moving over so she can curl up next to him. Their hips bump as she wriggles in, squeezed too tight, so she turns on her side and presses her cheek to his chest, drawing an arm around his ribs.

His hand settles on her thigh, tugs so that her knee comes up, giving them more room. She sighs, echoing his own, melting into him, the sounds of waves breaking in the dark night.

His other arm around her neck, he starts stroking his fingers up and down her shoulder, presses his lips to the top of her head.

This is nice. Good. And she doesn't want to talk anymore. She wants to rest.

He gives her this moment, a long moment, and she's grateful, knows it's payback for the moment she gave him in the hallway, which is why they work so well together. Which is why she has to start.

"When Dash went after those two women in line-"

"Hey, Kate. They're nothing. They don't know us. They have no idea-" The tension in his chest oddly pleases her; her two men coming to her defense.

She arches her neck and kisses the underside of his jaw, silencing him. "Not what I was going to say. But thanks. You and Dash, my protectors."

He grumbles a little, a sound that is mostly vibrations in his chest, traveling down into her bones. Lovely and awakening.

"And now, after you've been so sweet, I'm gonna ruin it," she laughs. "Did you hear what Dash called them? Old ladies. He thinks they're old. And Castle, they were your age."

"Hey now-"

She bites her bottom lip, grins against his chest. "They were. One of them looked only a few years older than me. And Dash called them old, with such derision in his voice-"

"So far, I don't like this conversation."

"I don't much like it either. I'm not that far behind you, old man."

Castle squeezes her neck in his elbow, pulling her close.

"But you're far from old, Castle. You know that. You're just a big kid-"

He sighs, but she slides her hand up his chest, covers his mouth with her fingers.

"That might have irritated the hell out of me in the beginning, and it still can, but mostly, it's good for us. For me, for our kids - Castle, you make it fun."

"Ah, that's not-"

"It is," she interrupts. "Ella had a blast in the maze, and Dashiell just about orbited the moon. You gave them that."

Kate stills, lost in it, forgetting the plan for a moment, remembering the way Dash's whole body radiated joy all night long.

"Kate. What is this about?"

He sounds confused. No wonder; she's talking in circles trying to get around this thing, a gyre. "I think that I. . .assumed we'd have a few years, three or four at least - I might have stretched it to five at times - and then, after that, we'd think about whether or not we needed another baby-"

His chest hitches, his arm tightens around her. She presses her fingers to the collar of his tshirt, organizing her thoughts. Or at least trying to.

"But I don't know that we have that time. And what if those three or four years catch up to us on the other side of things, Castle? You. . .or even me at the 12th, what if that's the three years we won't have to see. . .see the baby turn fifteen or get married or-"

"Kate," he croaks, and wraps both arms around her neck, tight and crushing. She pushes back, fights to breathe, but finds her nose against his armpit, settles there to let him have it, let him push through the thought of her being gone.

After a tense moment, he releases her, rubs his palm up and down her arm, soothing himself and her in the process.

"You won't die," he says, his voice ragged. "I'm not gonna die either-"

"Castle," she admonishes him. "I know better. And through me, you ought to know better as well."

"I refuse to believe it."

"Doesn't mean it won't happen. But my point is - and really, I'm thinking more about the fact that we're both, well, older than we used to be, Castle. And three years from now, I'm what? Almost forty. Do I want to have another baby at forty? Oh God, no."

He laughs, and she's glad she managed to get that out of him, but then she has to lay out the rest of her attack. "And Alexis."

"Alexis - what?"

"Castle, she's in love with this boy. This man. He's 27 years old, and she finishes her graduate work in May, and what if-"

"You're telling me they'll get married?"

She bites her bottom lip, strokes the skin at his throat. "I'm telling you that, and - they might start having kids pretty soon."

"Oh shit." She feels him swallow hard under her fingers.

"Or. What if she gets pregnant-?"

"That's not funny, Kate."

She lifts up, hand pressed against him for leverage, narrowing her eyes at him. "Want to rethink that last comment?"

He blinks, completely clueless. "No. I don't want my daughter getting pregnant when she's not even-" He stumbles to a stop, gives her a weak laugh. "Ah. Right."

She waits, lips pressed together, eyebrow raised, wishing serious bodily harm if he doesn't-

"Okay. Well, thinking about it like that. Might be the best thing that ever happens to her. Sure."

"Oh, that so doesn't cut it, Castle."

He grimaces. "What do you want from me? We were older and wiser. And - and you're not my daughter, you're my wife-"

"I'm still *someone's* daughter." She sits up. "And wiser?"

"No, okay. We weren't. Alexis is definitely more mature than either of us were about that. Okay, just - give me a second to get images of my daughter at Ellery's age out of my head and -"

He rubs a hand over his eyes, and Kate softens. Because, yeah, thinking about it like that makes her hackles rise as well - Ellery getting pregnant-

Kate growls and flops back down on his chest. "Forget it."

"No, no. I see what you mean. Okay. I'm there with you. And I apologize for insinuating. . .whatever I might have insinuated about either you or Dash. All right?"

"All right."

"So. I'm too old to live to see my baby get married, and Alexis has kids. Thanks. Now what else you want to hit me with?"

Kate huffs at him, but she knows she can't cover the amusement that his words cause. She slides her arm back around him because it's so much easier to talk to him when she doesn't have to see his face, see it all play out across his eyes, his expressive mouth.

"This is about me, not you. I just - I don't want to be having kids when I'm also getting grandkids. There's something just. . .so wrong about that, Castle."

She hears his laugh burst out through his chest, rumble around her, competing with the breaking-wave-laughter of the ocean, nature and her husband both amused by her.

"Shut up," she says, thumping his ear.

He sighs on a last, wheezing gasp, laughs again, squeezing her arm. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. I get that. Makes sense. However, I think it would be super cool if my grandkid was the same age as my kid. I mean-"

"Shut up," she says again. "Makes me feel very trophy-wife."

"Oh, hardly. Ha. If anything, I'm the trophy here. Total arm candy."

She can't help the grin that splits her face, try as she might to suppress it. "Mm, really. Arm candy. Well, you are quite-" She stops to run her fingernail over his abs. "-chiseled. Ruggedly handsome."

She feels his stomach muscles flutter at her touch, smiles to herself.

"You're evil. Ohhh, you're evil. Talking about me keeling over, then Alexis getting knocked up, and now you're trying to seduce me?"

"And it's working."

"Of course it's working."

She slides her hand under his shirt, splays it across his abs, dips her finger into his belly button, loves the jerk of his whole body in response to her touch.

"Get on with it," he growls.

"Oh, really?"

"Not that, jeez. Kate-"

She decides to put him out of his misery. "So it comes down to this, Castle. If you want more kids, let's do it now."

He lets out a little breathless laugh. "You're doing this on purpose. I know you. Because of course, all I can think about right now is having you. Getting you pregnant. Jeez. It's not even fair."

She grins, biting her bottom lip, but she answers his charge. "Just like you had Dash bring it up, just like you joked around about it? I know you too, Castle."

He's silent at that. Of course he did it on purpose. That's how he's been working her for the last few years now, slowly, just like a writer - building a theme through subtle messages here and there until the whole tone of their personal life takes on whatever subject he wants to broach, whatever choice he wants her to make.

So that when she reaches the end of that particular story, the conclusion is inevitable.

"And you accused me of arranging things behind your back," she murmurs, not really upset with him, not at all. Because they both do it, and they do it out of love.

"This was. . .a long-range plan, Kate. Not something I wanted to force you into now."

Ah, so he admits it. All right. "Your fault. You got me thinking about it. So. I told you what I think: now or never, Castle."

"Now or never? That's extreme."

"I told you why."

"Yeah, yeah. Death, grandkids. Got it."

She waits for him to say something, to jump in like he always does, gung-ho for the next grand adventure, but he doesn't. He just keeps one loose arm around around her shoulders, fingers light on her elbow, and draws his other hand down to her thigh again, resting there. No hurry.

This isn't right. She knows his answer - he wants more. He always wants more. She remembers when she was pregnant with Dashiell how he kept telling her it would be fine, it was all fine, because he was good with kids, he already acted like a kid, he wanted lots of kids and this was great.

Mm, he wants kids. So why isn't he saying anything?

"Castle."

"I'm good, Kate. I have everything I could ever need."

But want? Deep down, under what he thinks is the right thing to do, under what he thinks he's keeping her from, the core of him - untainted by whatever Meredith might have done, whatever scars Kate herself might have left on him - that man, what does he want when imagines their life?

He won't say it. And she can't honestly tell him that she wants to be pregnant all over again, so soon - not that it's so terrible, but just -

Kate sighs. He's a good man. He deserves-

"Sometimes I have this dream," she starts, because she doesn't know what else to say. "I'm lying in bed at my old apartment, half-asleep, and there's this weight on my chest. It's warm and sunny. It feels good."

His hand curls at her shoulder.

"It's warm, almost hot, and I open my eyes and it's - it's not Dash, or Ella, but it's a baby. Your baby, Castle, and it's a surprise. Somehow, I'm back in my apartment and you're nowhere around, and yet there's this little thing curled up on my chest like a gift. I think I spend most of the dream just, memorizing that little body, tracing my fingers over the round face." She sighs, remembering.

"Kate?"

"The funny thing is, this dream is one of those recurring ones. All. . .all my life, Castle. I think I had it - before we ever - before there was this."

"Before you and me?"

"I think I've had that dream for. . .a long time. So long that I don't know what came first - falling in love with your books or falling in love with that dream."

He's silent under her, and she doesn't know why she felt she needed to share that with him, only that when she wakes from that dream lately, it makes her feel good, like she's done one right thing with her life - despite messing up so much of their beginning, despite failing her mom.

"Kate, love, I want everything with you. Everything you want."

"What I want is for you to tell me, Castle," she says, and she knows she might break if he doesn't, if he refuses this. "Please tell me, just this once, tell me first what you want. I've been selfish. I arranged everything to get you back with me at the 12th, but I didn't even ask if you wanted to be there-"

"And so what? Another kid makes up for that? I'm back at home with the baby instead and you - what, Kate?"

She sucks in a breath. "No. I meant. Castle." She closes her eyes. This isn't going right. "Should I leave?"

His arm tightens as if he thinks she's going to get up. "Leave?"

"The NYPD," she whispers.

"No. _No_. Kate, no. That isn't - that isn't the discussion here. That's not even relevant-"

"Sure it is. The whole death thing." She tries to laugh it off, but it doesn't sound funny. She misses her mom. She doesn't want her kids missing her like she-

"No. Listen to me. This is - we've had this conversation. You know what I think. Let's not rehash all that. Being a detective doesn't exclude you from having kids. Final word, Kate."

She takes a deep breath, tries to dispel the negative air in her lungs, push it out. "If it's not that then. Please tell me. Tell me what you want us to do."

"It doesn't work like that, Kate-"

"It's not supposed to work like this either. We're partners. Together, not me getting my way just because you're willing to let it slide, because you're too good a man to push. I don't know the way, Castle. I don't know what's right. I need you to tell me what you honestly want here - what's your dream? What do you wake up with, still warm against your chest-"

"Yes," he says, as if dragged from him. "Yes."

Yes. What does-

"Sometimes I dream, too."


	54. Chapter 54

He tells her his dream because she asks, even though he's not sure that he should. He knows the final result of this conversation will be _No, love, this is more than enough_ but he'll give her this first.

"I wanted lots of brothers and sisters when I was a kid," he starts, rubbing his hand up and down the side of her arm, over her shoulder. The warm beach air and the salt he tastes when he breathes is enough to keep them both relaxed, but he likes how sometimes she shivers when he trails his fingers over her skin.

What he really wants is to be done with this conversation and move inside with her, undress her slowly, run his hands over her belly as she shivers under him.

"You did?" she asks, sounding surprised. "Were you. . .you were lonely."

"Mm, yeah. But I like people. I like lots of people around me. So I wanted brothers and sisters to boss around and hang out with and have productions-"

"Productions?" she laughs, raising her head and looking up at him. "Like. You mean you wanted to put on plays of your own? Stage some theatre?"

"Yeah," he grins down at her, then sits up a little, getting into it. "I had these stories in my head - pirates or cops and robbers or Indians - and sometimes I could convince my mother's friends or the kids on the playground to act them out. I was the director and the stage manager and the starring role. It always evolved into some war or dramatic death scene, lots of agony and tears."

"That's adorable," she laughs, and Kate Beckett laughing is just - breath-taking. They're both sitting up now, but she stays close to him, her leg thrown over his, a hand on his chest for leverage as she watches him. "I can just imagine that. A rather Dashiell-looking Ricky Rodgers swashbuckling-"

"Hush, woman," he nudges her shoulder with his, loosens his arm around her so she can move if she wants to. She doesn't though. "Stop making fun of me. So yeah, I wanted a big family when I was a kid. I think ten was the number I settled on, ten of us. Kids I mean. So nine brothers and sisters. I had them all named, and they had their own personalities. They were like imaginary friends really. I even had a twin. Of course, when I went to boarding school, that fell away. The guys in the dorms became my brothers, basically. So I didn't need the imaginary ones."

She traces her finger over the side of his jaw, watching him, and he wonders what she's thinking. Kate shakes her head and draws her knee up, sitting away from him. "Ten?"

"No, Kate," he says on a laugh. "I'm not asking for ten kids. I'm not sure either of us would survive."

"I'm not sure we would either," she smiles back, and her face is tender even if she also looks relieved.

"But hey, I'm sure I don't need to tell you this - you're an only child too. I bet you begged for brothers and sisters, didn't you?"

Kate tilts her head and her hair falls over her shoulder, a dark shadow in the navy light of the ocean night. "No. Actually."

"No?"

"I didn't want any brothers or sisters. I liked it being just us, the three of us. I felt special. I never wanted anything else to interfere. I was the center of their world."

Castle's chest clenches because - oh wow - is it strange to be grateful to her parents for making her feel special? He makes a mental note to tell Jim thank you for that. "I'm glad you weren't lonely."

She gives him a flickering smile. "I wasn't lonely, but I was often alone. But you know me, Castle. I like it. I need it."

"Yeah."

"And you need people."

"Just you."

It pops out of his mouth before he even knows he's saying it, and while he might have censored these things years ago, kept it quiet, he's long since given up on that. And Kate, of course, doesn't react the way she might have five years ago. Her smile breaks open and burns, and then she leans back into him, pressing that burning smile to his neck, branding him, her arms going around him.

"I love you, too," she smiles.

He embraces her, drops a kiss to her cheek, feels her settle in against him, her knees on either side of his hips as she curls up on his chest. Like a cat, or a kid. Not really a Beckett move, but he's not even sure he could tell anymore what Kate's classic moves are. She's this woman he lives with, loves, who used to be identifiable because he'd memorized every line and facial expression and movement of her body and now-

Now she's all those things but more. And the more of it is what he'll never reach the bottom of, never see an end to, never fully comprehend.

She's right. There is a God, because only God could do this, create this, the way it is between them. This is unlike anything he's ever known, and it lasts. It goes on forever.

"Kate," he says finally, his arms still wrapped around her, his mouth at her ear.

"I should clarify," she murmurs. "I never wanted siblings until my mom died. After my dad started drinking. I was alone and lonely then. And I wished for a sister, a brother. Someone to share it with - the burden of grief."

He squeezes her tighter, stunned, because it never occurred to him, not once when he wrote Nikki Heat, not while he followed her at the 12th, not even when she told him the story of how she got her father's watch - it never occurred to him to think she might have been so very alone. That loneliness might have driven her as much as the grief.

"Kate, that's. . .breaking my heart."

"It's okay. You were there," she says easily and lifts up from his chest, both palms planted on his shoulders, a saucy look in her eyes that makes him smile.

He knows she's doing it on purpose, keeping it light, but it still works. "Oh yeah? How was I there?"

"You want me to say something corny like, 'You were in my dreams' but that's not what I mean, Castle." She rolls her eyes at him. "I mean. Your books. I read all your books. I've told you this."

"Oh," he laughs, strokes his hands up her back to tug her down again. She comes, falling gracefully to his chest, wriggling a little to get comfortable. He squeezes her thighs and feels her knees squeeze him back. "I just didn't think of it like that."

"You kept me company. I was okay. I made it."

"You did," he agrees. "Strongest woman I know. And I'm including my mother."

She murmurs something against his neck that he doesn't hear, then kisses the skin below his ear. "So what's our conclusion here, Castle? More kids or what?"

He sighs. "Kate."

"Decision time."

"This is ridiculous. What are we possibly going to call a third one? The good names are all taken," he grumbles.

She laughs and lifts up again, looking at him. "You mean, all we have left are Sherlock and Agatha Christie?"

He grins back. "Exactly. Do you know how long it took me to find Ellery's name?"

"Must've been hard, Castle," she murmurs, but she sounds like she's being facetious. "So hard you gave up on a middle name and just used mine."

"That was the only part I was sure about," he retorts, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"Ah," she smirks, clearly loving it. She loves it. She does. She loves that he named Ellery after her. He can tell. "Well then. Names. That could be a problem, if we keep with the mystery writer theme."

"There's Rex Stout," he offers. "He wrote Nero Wolfe."

"Oh. Um." Kate bites her lip.

He laughs. "Yeah, Rex is uh. . .reminds me of dinosaurs."

"Reminds me of a dog."

"Well, what else? Uh, Raymond Chandler, Ian Fleming, James Hadley Chase, Ross Macdonald, Carter Dickson, Conan Doyle, Dorothy Sayers, Agatha Christie-"

"Chase? Seriously. Because having a son named Dash isn't enough. Chase and Dash."

He grins back at her, kinda loving that, but not the point. "Charles Dickens wrote crime solving into Bleak House. And then there's Wilkie Collins, who's given credit for the first great mystery novel-"

"The Moonstone. I've read it. It's long. I liked The Woman in White better."

"You would. It's more romantic."

"*I* would?" She tugs on his ear, clearly indicating that's his forte. "Still, Wilkie is a terrible name."

He laughs, but he totally agrees. "Not good at all. Really, it's impossible, Kate. There are no good names. I just went through this trying to find a character name for the young adult series."

"Oh, good point. I like Felix for a character, but not. . .not for my kid," she says, sounding apologetic.

"No, you're right. Good for a character, memorable, but not good for calling our possible son down off the slide or telling him not to hit his sister. And for a girl-?"

She laughs, and he feels her fingers trace over his ribs. "You like Poe. Does he have any good character names?"

"Oh hell no, Kate. I'm not naming my kid after one of his stories. Seriously, his stuff is so dark and depressing and - while completely awesome - not appropriate."

She chuckles against his skin, her fingers making a path to his waist, trailing around, aimless but distracting. "Not even Annabel Lee?"

"Oh, he has plenty of girl names. There's Helen and Lenore and. . .you know he was in love with his thirteen year old cousin? Married her. His thirteen year old cousin. I couldn't do that."

"I'm not your cousin, but-"

"Don't start with me, Kate Castle," he growls, squeezing her thighs again. But of course, his head is filled with Edgar Allan Poe, and dark birds tapping on the window, and telltale hearts pounding under the floorboards.

"What's your favorite?" she says softly, melting against him. He uses it so infrequently - calling her Kate Castle - because it's so powerful. Putty in his hands.

"Short story. 'William Wilson.' About a man haunted by his doppelganger. Creepy."

"Mm, what else is your favorite?"

"Mysteries? You know this."

"Tell me," she says, curling her fingers at his hips, her mouth at the hollow of his throat. It's amazing how she can fold up her long body into this little, strong thing thoroughly seducing him. He brushes his fingers down the knots of her spine, feels her tongue at his clavicle.

"Nancy Drew."

She laughs, interrupting that delicious thing she was doing to his chest. "Nancy Drew?"

"She was hot."

"You couldn't see her."

"I could see her," he says back. "Oh, I could see her."

"Horny boy," she mutters, but her mouth is back at his collarbone, her teeth grazing him, her fingers sliding between them; his stomach muscles flutter at her touch.

"Yes, definitely. She was hot, and she solved crimes, and she was recklessly courageous."

"Mm," Kate murmurs, and slides up to press her mouth to his jaw.

"Nancy - Nikki - Kate - I think you're getting us off-topic here," he says, struggling to pay attention to whatever it was they were talking about. What were they - oh yes - kids. Having another kid.

"I think I'm right on target," she says, her voice dark in his ear. "You called me Nancy Drew. And Nikki. Sounds like we're right on target. . ." She skims her hand over his thigh; he flinches, can't take much more than of this.

Castle presses her hips down into his, finds that sultry voice of hers with his mouth, goes after it, his tongue glancing across her teeth, along the roof of her mouth. She gives that little whimper that puts steel in his bones and makes him jerk upright, wrapping both arms around her, putting his feet to the floor, ready to carry her back into their bedroom to make her whimper some more, just like that, breathy and needy and overcome-

"Wait, wait," she murmurs, sounding breathless, but not nearly as out of control as he'd like. She pulls back from him.

"Too late. Conversation's on hold." He tangles his fingers in her hair, tries to kiss her again.

"No," she laughs, her thumbs at his temples as she holds his head away from her. "No, wait. Kids. Do you-"

"No, Kate. I don't. But I wouldn't mind pretending like we're trying-"

She makes a noise like frustration that ends up a laugh, her eyes seeking his even though he keeps leaning in to kiss what parts of her he can reach, ignoring the question in them. When she curls her fingers in his hair and tugs, he meets her eyes and tries to gather his wits again.

"Castle."

She's amazing. And focused. What again? Kids. Kids. Okay.

"If you end up pregnant in five years, okay, that's fine. I'll love it. If you end up pregnant when we get home, I'll love it. If we both go back to the 12th and solve mysteries and then go pick up our two kids from school, I'll love it. But Kate, no. No, love. When you said I need people, and I said I just need you - that's the truth of it. I just need you."

He hopes that ends it, hopes that she understands. It's not about what he can envision for them, it's about what they already have.

"I love our family," she says back, her eyes still questions. "I love this. But if you can see a little Chase or Sherlock or-"

Castle shakes his head at her and stands, bringing her up with him, pleased by the surprised little noise she makes as she clutches his shoulders and wraps her legs tighter around his waist. "If I ever do imagine that, it goes in a book instead. What I see now are two awesome kids who endlessly fascinate me and run us both pretty ragged. And even better, what I see in front of me is a woman who wants to give me my dreams even if she's not so sure about her own. And Kate. Kate." He sighs, drops his forehead against hers, closes his eyes because sometimes looking at her is too much, especially when she looks like this - eager to please. How often does Kate Beckett look like that? "Kate."

She kisses him, gentle, a brush of lips, the moist heat of her breath. "I get it. I understand."

He nods, tries to swallow past it, but he's wordless now. Without words to give her, which he hates, because that's his one job in this relationship - to be the one with the words.

"You love me," she whispers against his mouth. "You love what we have. And more would be more to love, but not necessary given all that we have."

"Yes," he agrees, grateful she has the words, and understands. "Yes, that."

"I love you too, Castle. Show me how much."

And then - finally - he gets to carry her inside.


	55. Chapter 55

Kate lays in bed for another moment, sweaty and sticky and alone, the sheets kicked down and off the bed, her eyes closed. She hears Castle in the bathroom, the sounds of the ocean beating against the shore as it comes in through the open balcony door. As her skin finally cools in the faint breeze, she opens her eyes.

Castle grins down at her, tosses her a tshirt. "It's clean."

She smiles back at him, lifts up to tug it on over her head. "Thanks." She shivers in the cool air, draws her knees up, watches Castle rearrange the bedsheets, pull everything back together. He must have grabbed boxers on his way to the bathroom, because now he's decent too.

Too bad. That was fun.

"I'm exhausted," Castle says suddenly, crawling back into bed now and pulling the sheets up over him.

Kate laughs, pleased, studies him as his body sinks into the mattress, his eyes drifting shut. The sheet comes up to his shoulder blades, but the moonlight casts his skin in a dark silver; he's already gotten some color being out on the beach.

She's not tired. And it's only midnight, which isn't so bad. "I'm gonna read. You mind?"

He grunts something like approval, halfway to unconsciousness, and she pats his cheek, kisses him as she crawls over him for the bathroom. She left her ipad in here to keep it away from the kids after their skype session with Alexis - the girl gets in tomorrow morning, with Rafe, and that makes Kate smile to think about.

She pulls the tablet from the charger and goes back into the bedroom, sees Castle flat on his stomach, an arm under his head, a palm on the warm spot she left beside him. Kate puts a knee beside his hip, jostles the bed a little on purpose as she climbs back over him.

He lifts an eyelid to look at her, neither irritated nor amused, entirely too tired for either one apparently. She likes that a lot, gives her a surge of female power seeing him flat out and worthless, entirely drained. Kate knows she's smirking at him, does nothing to conceal it.

She sits up against the headboard, tucking the pillow at her back, and pulls her knees up. Rick slides his hand down to circle her ankle, his eyes still open, fighting off sleep beautifully.

"Hey, babe," she says softly, brushing a hand over his temple, through his hair. She realizes she's just used his word, the one she hates, and sighs at herself. Castle looks too tired to notice.

He swallows and wriggles a little closer, his eyelids drooping.

She wakes up the tablet, keeping one hand curled at his skull, fingers scratching his scalp, as she calls up the book she's reading. She skipped Body Heat, the fourth book, because it reminds her too much of the Butcher, but the fifth one is lovely. For all its hidden meanings and secret messages - to her.

Kate starts skimming the page, searching for where she left off, then feels Castle tug sharply on her ankle. She lets her knees drop at his tug, legs straight out, and holds the ipad up, looking down at him.

He doesn't say anything, just curls his arm around her legs and puts his head in her lap with a long, sleepy sigh. A little thrill of arousal curls through her, having his mouth so close, his heat at her belly, her thighs, and she in nothing but a tshirt, but Castle's falling asleep, warm and heavy and anchoring her to the bed.

Kate puts the ipad to one side, strokes both hands through his hair, watching his eyes flicker shut. She traces designs on his face with her fingertips, slow and soft and hypnotic, feels her own body begin to wind down, settle. The lines of laughter and worry melt away, replaced with the rough edges of his stubbled skin, the slack lips, the jut of bone under his eye, the scar at his forehead. Her beautiful man.

His large frame is pressed against her legs, his mouth at her thigh, his head in her lap, cuddling against her, and she can't help but think that if she does eventually get pregnant, on purpose or by accident, it would be a welcome and lovely surprise.

Kate brushes her thumb along his cheek, softly, and lays her palm against his shoulder blade. She picks up the tablet again and settles in to read, cradling the warmth of him.

* * *

><p>Castle wakes suddenly, grunting, blinks as he stares at nothing - something - not sure -<p>

"Oh my word! Castle."

Kate? His mouth at her thigh, mm, lovely taste-

"Castle!"

"What?" he groans and lifts his head from heaven, realizing he's fallen asleep sprawled over her legs, in her lap. That's new. She let him do that? "Why are you squealing?"

"I'm not squealing," she hisses, and flips the ipad towards him. "Look what Madison just messaged me."

A photo. His eyes are worthless with sleep, the photo is blurry and taken in dim lighting, but that's a woman's hand and-

"Is that a ring?" He struggles against the craving of his body for sleep, to tumble right back down into it, and moves to sit up. Kate presses her hand on his shoulder, as if to keep him there, and he acquiesces, letting his body drape over her lower half. The lower half of his better half. Heh. Yeah-

"Sorry, don't get up. But yeah. She got engaged."

Castle rolls onto his side, draws his hand to her knee as he stares at the back of the ipad, then up to Kate's face. "Ok. Congrats Mad." Why did she wake him for this? She's not usually one of those kinds of girls.

"To J. Castle, she got engaged to Russell Martin. The Yankees catcher? Remember?"

A spark of memory flares to life and he sits up, grabbing the ipad to look at that photo again. Yeah, the rock is huge. "I set them up!"

Kate laughs at him, takes the ipad back. "You did. Matchmaker."

"You don't want to hear me sing," he starts, grinning at her, awake.

"Good for them," she murmurs, composing a reply to Madison on her screen. "Good for J. Took him long enough."

"She calls him J? I mean, I introduced him like that as a joke, kind of. But she-"

Kate lifts her face from the ipad and smiles at him, that full on dazzling smile with teeth and her lips spread wide, and sometimes she kisses him like that, with that smile and all of it rushes back in to his chest - so good. "Yeah, she calls him J too. Just like all the guys in the clubhouse now, apparently."

Rick grins, pleased with himself. He didn't start the nickname by any means, but he feels proud to have played a part in spreading it around. And now Madison is going to marry him. Finally. Honestly, he didn't know they were still together. He hasn't seen much of Madison, hasn't heard Kate talk about her.

"We should get together with them. Celebrate."

"That's just what I was saying. In my message back." Kate's hand strays from his back, along his arm, to the ipad as she keeps typing.

Castle lays back down on the bed, his head next to Kate's hip, rubs his hand along her shin. Little hairs catch his palm and he grins, twisting his neck to hide his smile in the soft warmth of her thigh. He feels her muscle twitch the moment before she shifts, leaning to the dresser to put the ipad down, then back to him, her hand on his head.

"Stop rubbing your hand over my leg," she grumbles. "I need to shave."

"It's fascinating."

"Stop," she mutters, kicking her foot a little. But he likes it, the sensation of rough where it's usually so smooth. "Castle."

He stops, sighing, and she slides down a little in bed; he lifts his head to look at her and she holds an arm out, waiting on him. He grins and shifts until he's laying over her, his head on her ribs, just below her heart, his arm wrapped around her, his body sprawled down her torso and legs. She squirms a little, then pulls a knee up along his side, squeezes, so that he feels tangled in her, wrapped up, every limb and inch of skin touching.

"I love you," he sighs, closing his eyes.

She chuckles at him, the hand at the top of his head running through his hair down to his neck, over and over, lulling.

"You just love to cuddle," she says back, but her voice is drowsy, content, and he knows that Kate, at this moment, loves it too.

"I love to cuddle with you-"

A thump at the door makes them both startle; Castle groans and slides away from her, stumbles off the edge of the bed even as Kate laughs at his clumsiness.

"Throw me some shorts first, will ya?"

He opens the top dresser drawer, grabs the first pair he finds, tosses it back over his shoulder at her. He did promise to be on kid-nightmare-duty. But it's too warm for a tshirt. Still, he goes to the balcony and shuts the sliding glass door first, then heads to the bedroom door to see how Dash is.

When Castle opens the door, it's Ellery.

"Oh, baby girl-" He crouches down and scoops her up, cradling her close to his chest. Her eyes are round and wide, but no tears. "Hey there, why are you out of bed? You're never out of bed."

He feels Kate at his back, lets her take Ellery out of his arms, lets her cuddle the girl. "Hey Ella," she breathes, her mouth at the girl's ear. "_Moja mala sakupljačica stvari._"

Castle blinks, stunned by the language he doesn't know but can feel, deep in his guts, every word. He knows what she said, even if he doesn't know what she said. The sound and texture and tone of her voice say it all, and suddenly, he's been given those words as well, like a gift.

"What did you just say? - No, never mind. I know what you said." Castle leaves their door open, nudges Kate towards the bed.

Kate gives him a look, inquiry and dismissal in one, and puts a knee onto the bed to climb in. He follows, and they sit up against the headboard, Kate's back against his shoulder as she murmurs more Croatian to their daughter. Her soft sounds, the words he doesn't know, the string of phrases that wind together into a lullaby, a bedtime story, the alto of her voice a song. He wants to never move, never break the spell.

Ella's eyes eventually close, her body loses its tension and goes slack. Castle waits another few minutes to be sure, and then he eases all three of them down into bed, the girl curled between them, Kate's head pillowed on his arm.

"You whisper to them in Croatian," he says softly, a hand at Ella's back, watching Kate feather kisses over their daughter's face.

"Mm," she murmurs, agreement or askance.

"I didn't know. You always. . .but it's not even English."

Kate lifts her eyes to his, her face caught in the glow of maternal compassion, some of that reaching out across the short space to him as well, making his chest tight with love. Mother's love. She's such an amazing mom, so beautiful how she loves.

"Sometimes it's Ukranian, or Russian, or Italian, or French. Just something different, to capture their attention." She untangles her arm from the little girl, snakes it out to him, catches his forearm. "Why?"

"It's just. . .magic. And even though now I know, now I've heard it, and I've been wondering for a long time - but I still don't know."

"I can tell you what I just said, in English, if you-"

He growls a no, somewhere in his chest; it gets stuck. "Let it be a mystery. Besides, just the way you say it." He leans in closer, kisses her forehead, slides his arm around both of them for a moment. "The way you say it, I know. They know. We know what it means. How you love us."

He feels her breath hitch, and then her mouth is at his ear as well. "I do it to you. When you're asleep. I tell you I love you-"

He shivers, feels her breath at his ear, her lips warm.

"_J'espère que chaque mot te montre à quel point je t'aime._"


	56. Chapter 56

She wakes suddenly, jerks upright in bed, startling Castle awake as well.

"Huh?"

Kate blinks in the darkness, searching for the reason why she's awake, then realizes that Ellery is disappearing out their bedroom door. "Ella?" she murmurs.

"Ella what?"

"She left." Kate gets her legs under her, leans on the mattress as her balance shifts, then stubs her toe on the dresser trying to get to the little girl.

She sees the white and blue striped pajamas, the trail of her baby blanket, and Ellery's dark hair as her daugher slips back into her own room.

Castle steps up behind her, hot and sleepy, nudges her with a hand at her back, his chest in her shoulder. "Where's she going?"

"Back to bed. . ."

Kate follows; she can't help it. Her toes curl in the carpet, then she hisses as her bare feet hit the tile of the hallway. Sand crunches, and Kate stops to swipe the bottom of her feet, feels Castle stumble into her, both of them knocking against the wall.

She laughs, one his arms around her to keep them both from going down, and reaches back to pat his cheek. "Okay, babe. I'll check on Ella. You go back to bed before one of us winds up in the ER."

Castle straightens up, still holding on to her, huffs a little laugh against her neck. "Good plan."

Kate watches him walk back to their bedroom, realizing she just called him babe again, then she shakes that off and follows the hallway down to Ellery's open door. Once inside, the light from the breezeway casts a faint glow on the floor, but the lower bunk bed is shrouded in darkness.

Ellery turns toward the doorway; Kate can see the white of her pale face, the shine of her eyes. Kate gets to her knees beside the bed, reaches out a hand for her baby's cheek.

"You okay, Ella?"

The girl nods, but turns over to curl around Kate's arm, holding on with two hands, her knees coming up.

"Did you have bad dreams, sweetheart?" Kate strokes her cheek, lays her hand on Ella's chest.

She nods again.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. You can stay with me and Daddy-"

She shakes her head.

"Okay," Kate laughs, leans in to kiss her fearless daughter. "You don't have to."

"Momma, stay."

Her heart flips at the quiet voice in the darkness; she slides over Ellery and into the space left against the wall, spoons with her little girl. Kate brushes the dark hair away from the small face, hooks it over the tiny ear. Dash used to call her momma, when he was very little, but she's never heard Ellery use it.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"Daddy?"

Kate lifts her head from the pillow, glances down at the girl. "You want me to get Daddy in here too?"

Ellery nods, uncurls her fingers from Kate's wrist as if letting her go.

"Okay, baby. Let me go get your daddy." She crawls back out from the bunk bed and brushes her hand over Ella's cheek, then heads for the door.

Kate finds Castle already asleep in their bed, touches his neck with her cool fingers to wake him. He startles, rolling towards her, looks at her as if he doesn't know who she is. Kate waits a moment until awareness comes back, then nudges his shoulder.

"Sorry, Rick. She wants us both to sleep in there with her."

"What?"

"I think she was trying to be a big girl, and sleep in her own bed, but she's still a little scared. And she wants both of us-"

"Ah, okay." Castle swings his legs out and stands, swaying a moment; Kate reaches for him, brushing the back of her fingers against his waist. He steadies and nods at her, so they starts back down the hallway.

His large palms are on her shoulders; he's probably making sure he does't run into her again. She doesn't usually like this kind of touch; it feels possessive and controlling. But that's not how Castle touches - not to control or possess - so Kate fights that feeling off and leans her cheek to his fingers, kisses his knuckles, lets the warmth of his hands sink down into her muscles.

He grunts, stepping in closer to her back, brushes his chin over her temple in something that - with more wakefulness on his part - might have been a kiss, then drops his hands as they get to Ellery's room.

When Kate slips inside and kneels by the bed, Ella is already asleep.

She sighs and casts a flickering smile back at her sleep-bleary husband, then leans over and kisses her baby. "Night, my brave girl."

Ella doesn't stir; her mouth is slack and rosebud against the cream of her pale cheeks. Kate brushes a hand over her hair, curls her fingers at the back of her skull, watches for a moment to be sure.

Then she stands back up and turns to Castle, who is hovering right behind her, and gently pushes him back out the door.

"She fell asleep."

"Huh." But Castle ambles back down the hallway without another word, heading for bed, and Kate follows.

* * *

><p>The kids want pizza for breakfast.<p>

They had pancakes and eggs last night before the haunted maze, and so Castle thinks it stands to reason that they should be allowed last night's planned dinner for breakfast now. Right?

Kate might not think so. But she's out running. So. "Pizza it is."

"Yay!" Dashiell yells, then turns and high-fives his little sister. Ellery misses it and slaps Dash on the shoulder, but the boy is already jumping around.

She mimics him, jumping as well, grinning up at her father.

"Okay, little rascals, play nicely for thirty minutes while I heat it up." He rips the cardboard box open, slits the plastic and tears it off, then puts the deep dish pizza on the rack, closes the oven door. He sets the timer, twists on the temperature, and figures it should just be done by the time Kate gets back. So if she doesn't like it, she can intervene.

"Is Allie really coming today?" Dashiell yells across the living room.

Castle cracks his jaw on a yawn and nods, heading towards them. "Yeah, wild man. And her friend, remember?"

"Rafe. He's nice. He skyped with us."

"Oh, he did?"

Ellery is coloring a picture with markers on the floor, Castle notices - uh-oh - so he snags the marker out of her hand and holds it up over his head. "Who gave you markers?"

She gets that stubborn look on her face and sits back on her heels.

"Dash."

"No!" Dashiell stands up in a huff of indignation. "She took 'em."

"Ellery. No markers on the floor. Only on the table, and only when you ask Daddy or Mommy first. We have to put out something to keep it from staining."

Her nostrils flare at him, but she pushes the hair out of her eyes with both hands and gets up, then marches over to the dining room table squashed in between the back of the couch and the bar. Castle watches her worm her way up into the chair and then turn to look at him, triumphant.

"Sure. Let me get newspaper or something." He gathers up her bag of markers and the blank paper she strewed all over the floor, then drops them on the table with her. "One second, cricket."

Ellery reaches for the markers, but Castle lightly slaps her hand. She crosses her arms, opens her mouth. "Now."

"Oh-ho, really? Now?"

She must see the stubborn glint in his own eye because she uncrosses her arms and lifts her sweetest face to him, letting her lip tremble a little bit too. "Please?" All long lashes and round cheeks and narrow chin - like Kate.

Castle takes a deep breath and glances over his shoulder at Dashiell. "Hey kiddo, you want to make a picture for Allie too?"

Dashiell's head pops up from the floor where he was arranging his knights in a ring around a toy dragon. "For Allie?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he says and hops up with the dragon in one hand and the black knight in the other. He scrambles into a chair and sets up his two toys beside him. Castle sees Ellery's look the moment the dragon gets set, just right, and he reaches out and grabs her hand just as she's about to knock it over.

"Ellery Kate. Be nice."

Her fingers curl in his, her shoulders hunch, and she drops her head. Momentary obedience.

Castle moves then and heads for kitchen, looking for something to cover the table with. He ends up settling on the garbage bags - there aren't any newspapers - and a roll of tape he found in the laundry room. He tapes down a placemat for each kid, then divvies up the markers and paper.

"Make Allie a Halloween card."

"Oh! I can make Allie a card for my birthday!" Dashiell gives a wide grin and grabs for the black marker. Black is his favorite color, has been for as long as Castle can remember.

"Sure, buddy. Make her a birthday card for your birthday," he says, trying not to grin.

Ellery turns to him with a soft look, no longer impertinent, and her hand comes out to catch his arm, her little fingers brushing his skin. "Daddy."

His heart melts, like a big idiot, and he puts his elbows on the table, bending over next to her, kissing her forehead. "Yes, cricket?"

She gives him a little grin, a dimple appearing just below the corner of her mouth, near her chin. He had one like that when he was little - his mother has shown Kate pictures - and he wonders if she'll keep it.

"Help me, Daddy."

"What do you want me to help you with?"

"Card."

"You want a birthday card too?"

"No, silly." She pushes her bangs out of her eyes, then leans in and lays a smacking kiss on his cheek, giggling. "Not my birthday."

He grins back at her, completely smitten, and somehow, he knows that Kate was exactly like this as a little girl. Exactly. Ellery has known from day one how to wrap him around her finger, and Kate must have done the same to her father. "Okay, baby girl, tell me what you want to make."

"Pumpkin."

"A pumpkin?"

She nods and pushes the paper over to him. "I color."

"Oh, you want me to draw you a pumpkin so you can color it in?"

She nods again. "Allie a pumpkin."

Castle stares at her a second, then laughs. "Yeah, you're right. I call Allie a pumpkin, don't I? And you're a cricket."

"What am I, Daddy?" Dash calls, pausing in his intricate black. . .lines?. . .to look up at his father.

"You're my wild man."

"Is that like the tasmanian devil?"

"You been watching cartoons in the morning?"

"Yup. But Taz is slobbery. Am I slobbery?"

"Nope. You used to be, when you were a baby." Castle sits down next to Ella and begins drawing her a pumpkin with a pencil left in the bag of markers. "Really drooly."

"I drooled all over?"

"All over Momma."

"I drooled on Mommy?" Dashiell hoots with laughter, sticks his chest out as if he's proud of that. He gets up on his knees in the chair to reach a yellow marker, then hunches down over his card. "I'm a Taz?"

"No. Just a wild man. You always run. You didn't learn to walk, Dash, you learned to run."

"I run everywhere?"

"You ran everywhere," Castle corrects, finishing the pumpkin with lines down the gourd and a curly stem. He hands it back to Ellery, sees the interest in her eyes even as she begins coloring in the picture. "But you, princess, you let everyone bring it right to you. You walked late, but that's because you made your brother get you everything you needed."

Ellery's cheeks squeeze into a grin; she casts a look over at her brother and Dashiell glances up, looking back. Castle watches the two of them, the way they somehow know without speaking, and then they both go back to their pictures.

"What are you drawing there, kiddo?"

"A maze. It's haunted. See this? Here's the chainsaws." He points to a yellow blur with black lines around it like spikes. Pretty good for a five year old.

"I see. Nice."

Dashiell abandons the yellow and grabs a brown, draws a noose. Great. Kate's not gonna love that. "Ellery's a princess?"

"Well, I called her that, didn't I? Same as I call her cricket, but she's not really a cricket, is she? And you're not truly a wild man."

"Is a wild man like a monkey?" Dashiell asks, chewing on the top to his marker.

"Out of your mouth."

He pops it out and looks at it, as if surprised, then puts it on the table. He has a tendency to still chew on things; they're working on it. "Like a monkey, Dad."

Castle glances to his face, sees the concentration there as he draws with the grey marker now, feels kind of proud of his son for calling him Dad. His birthday is Saturday and he's already trying on the grown-up words. "Sure, kind of like a monkey. But still human. Mommy started that one. She said you never were still. When you were in her tummy, you moved all around."

Dashiell's head pops up, his eyes wide. "Really? I moved in Mommy's tummy?"

"Of course. We could feel you. You moved the most at night, right when we were trying to go to bed and sleep. Mommy would say, 'There's my little wild man.' You'd kick and roll and poke out your elbows."

Dashiell looks positively horrified by this idea. Castle laughs.

At that moment, the front door clicks and swings open, voices echoing down the hallway. Both kids sit up in their chairs, heads swiveled towards the commotion.

Kate comes in first, grinning, sweaty from her run, hair pulled back in a messy pony tail. "Hey guys, look who I brought up with me."

She steps forward and Alexis and her boyfriend are crowding in behind her.

"Allie!" Dash yells, jumping down from his chair and darting around the table, knocking into a bar stool, careening off the corner of the bar, and into Alexis's outstretched arms. Ellery is standing up in her chair, so Castle lifts her out, setting her down on the floor. She dashes for Alexis as well, joining the group hug still in progress.

"Hey, my baby girl," Alexis coos, squatting down now to gather them both in. "Dashiell, you are so big and strong. I can feel those muscles. And look at the stitches! Oh man, you really knocked your head."

Dashiell reaches up and puts his hand over the stitches, grinning. Castle watches Alexis touch her forehead to Ella, the two of them smiling at each other, Dashiell jumping around now and clearly interested in Rafe, who stands a little ways back with a bag in each hand.

Kate reaches over the kids and grabs for the duffle, drops it behind her. "Come on in, Rafe, drop your stuff wherever right now. We're glad you made it."

Castle steps up to the group as well, holding out his hand. They shake, firmly, as Alexis picks up Ellery and stands beside her boyfriend.

"Ella-bean, this is my friend, Rafe. Can you say hi?"

Ellery looks Rafe up and down for a long second, then pushes her hair back off her face and looks over at Castle.

As if she knows.

"Say hi, cricket." He reaches out and puts a heavy hand on Dashiell's head, holding the boy down. He stops jumping, and Ellery turns back to Rafe.

"Hi. Rafe."

Rafe's face breaks into a smile, a genuine thing that seems to mean he's aware of how special it is to hear Ellery speak. He ducks down, brushes his thumb over her cheek in a gesture that makes Castle instantly like the kid. Man. Damn it, he's a man, not a boy. A man who just might wants kids of his own. Damn, damn, damn.

"Hi, Ellery. Allie has told me so much about you. But you're much more impressive than I expected."

Ellery grins, apparently liking impressive, turns back to look at her father, then holds both arms out, lunging for him. Castle laughs, takes her from Alexis, settles his littlest against his chest. He plants a kiss on Ella's ear.

"Good talking, cricket. He was happy to hear your voice."

Ellery wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes.

Dashiell pops up next to Rafe and takes his hand. "Let me show you my room. It's cool. You get to sleep with me."

Kate laughs and bites her lip; Castle watches her raise an eyebrow at Alexis, his heart in his throat, and then Alexis shakes her head, subtly.

And he can breathe again.

Kate calls after their son. "Dash, baby, let Rafe and Allie settle in first, then you can show him everything."

"I don't mind. Dash, show me where to put all my stuff. And then we can put away Allie's after that. It'll be girls against boys tonight, right?"

Dashiell beams back at his mother, then up at Rafe. "Right! Boys rules and girls drool!"

Castle groans, patting Ellery's back as she stiffens in disapproval. "Friend for life, Alexis. You can't get rid of that one."

Alexis blushes as she turns her face back to him; she was watching Rafe with Dash, apparently. "I don't plan on getting rid of him, Dad."

Castle blinks, stunned by that as well, then feels Kate drawing her arm through his, curling a hand at Ellery's back. He glances down to Kate and now she's giving him that same eyebrow, and he knows what it means.

_Go easy._


	57. Chapter 57

Alexis has been waiting for it; she knows it's coming. She slams the car door shut and waits for Kate to catch up with her.

"You guys really okay with splitting up the sleeping arrangements?" Kate asks her, helping Alexis carry in the last of the bags. Mostly birthday presents for Dashiell, and a few for Ellery as well, to keep her from feeling left out. Alexis tends to spoil her little brother and sister, since she sees them less often.

"It was Rafe's idea," she laughs, rolling her eyes as they head into the lobby. "I told him you'd be okay with it, that you'd talk to Dad if it was needed."

"Yeah, I'd have to do some fast talking, to be sure." Kate gives her a brief smile and pushes the call button for the elevator. "Speaking of talking, you've got some of your own to do."

Alexis grins pushing her sunglasses up on her head as they step onto the elevator. She leans against the rail and watches Kate punch the number of their floor. She can't imagine this without Kate, can't begin to think what her life would be like if her dad had never married the detective he followed around. "Mom," she starts, and she can hear the way her voice traitorously breaks.

Kate turns to her, looking alarmed, but her face eases when she sees Alexis. "It's like that, huh?"

Alexis isn't even sure what she's asking, just that she feels like Kate is at least halfway responsible for Alexis being here, at this place in her life, in Chicago at all, with the calling and passion for runaways and troubled teens, with this man who carefully and fiercely loves her, with any of it - all because of Kate. Because Kate came and picked her up from a party and then, the next morning for punishment, hauled her down to the OCME's and made her witness the autopsy of a girl who OD'd. It all started there. With Kate.

"I thought it might be," Kate says and drops the bag to the floor to wrap her arms around Alexis. "When you talked about him on the phone to me. . .Allie, you love him."

She nods into Kate's embrace, hugs her back. "I love him. He loves me."

"You can tell the difference, can't you? When it's real."

"I can tell," she whispers back.

Kate releases her, studying Alexis's face, then nods and picks the bag back up off the floor. The elevator door opens and they both get out, walking slowly down the breezeway towards their condo.

Alexis has been dying to ask, ever since she and Rafe looked at each other, best friends and room mates and more, and just knew. . .she's been dying to ask. "Was this how it was with you? You and Dad."

Kate watches her a moment, then slowly shakes her head. "I don't. . .you should ask your dad. I'm not the best one to judge."

"Why do you say that?"

Kate gives her a look. "You know me, Allie. You were there - you heard us fighting, you heard everything."

"But you loved him. I know that too."

Kate slows even more, as if she doesn't want the conversation to reach Alexis's dad, as if she doesn't want it anywhere near her family. Just in case. "Maybe it should've been easier, as easy as it seems to be for you guys. But there was still a part of me that thought I'd given up the right to have it when my mother died. It was either go after justice, or go after. . .after life. At the time, I was choosing justice. I was afraid to have. . .anything else."

Alexis stops, reaches out to touch Kate's arm, stopping her in the hall. "But not now?"

Kate sighs. "Not now." She shrugs as if that's no big deal, but Alexis knows better.

"Thanks for choosing us." Alexis swallows, tries not to let tears stop up her throat. Ever since she looked over at Rafe and knew, knew exactly, she's had this irresistible urge to have everyone share her joy. So much joy that it chokes her up. "If you hadn't, I don't know that I would be here. Mom."

Kate's face softens, that look of careful nonchalance moving towards intensity and passion that catches Alexis's breath.

"To be honest, Allie, I don't know that I'd be here either." She doesn't say more, but Alexis has spent the last five years listening to the things Kate doesn't say, the words she leaves in between the lines. Kate must think she wouldn't be alive; it's all over her face, in her eyes, but she's already shaking her head, smiling again. "So tell me how it happened - this thing with Rafe. And what hapepned to Mike?"

Alexis grins and feels her chest ease, that crazy joy bubbling out, tainting everything. "Mike and I were always fighting. We'd just go at it all the time. And honestly, I thought - he was like my Kate. I'm my dad and he was you." She laughs and casts a hesitant look over at this woman who has become mother and sister and best friend. "But it wasn't that. I told myself that to make me feel better, make it try to fit. He hated how much time I spent at the crisis center; he kept making snide comments about the work I was doing there, about Rafe, about the girls I was counseling. . .it just went on and on."

"Oh. Huh, not good." Kate hefts the bag over her shoulder and stops at the door to their condo, pulling out the key card. She hesitates. "They can wait a little bit, right? Finish telling me before we go in."

Alexis grins widely at her and they both drop the bags they were carrying and lean against the half-wall of the breezeway, the sun at their backs. "I'll try to condense it a little. Dash seemed impatient to get going."

"Oh, we have surf lessons later. And it's your dad who's impatient." Kate nudges her shoulder to continue.

"Well, so, Mike and I were always fighting, and I'd come home exhausted from the center, from the sessions, from school, from another stupid fight, and there was Rafe. He always had something waiting for me. If it was early enough, he was there at the apartment before work, and he'd make me mac and cheese from scratch or - oh Kate, he makes the best, the very best coffee mocha thing that you have ever tasted. . ." Alexis sighs, closes her eyes for a moment; she can almost taste it on her tongue.

"Coffee, huh?" Kate laughs and Alexis opens her eyes, glances over at her, not sure why Kate thinks it's so funny.

"Anyway, if I got home too late and he was already up at the restaurant, he'd have left me something. Just heat it up and go, usually. And it wasn't like a ton of calories or these huge meals or even these really fancy dishes. He's best at pastries, desserts, so of course, there's plenty of that, but he just - he stopped and made time for me. I'd get home after a fight with Mike and still be so pissed off, and Rafe and I would talk, and it always ended up being us we were talking about, how we each felt about whatever it was - work, life, politics, parenting, God - and then he just. . .he would feed me and we'd talk and he. . .took care of me."

Alexis shakes her head, but that same confusion has settled back over her like it was in the beginning. Kate seems to see it, or sense it, because she squeezes Alexis's bicep. "Allie, it's okay to like that. It's what they're good for, it's what they all need to do - take care of us - no matter how progressive a guy he is. Even your easy-going Dad. So let him, when you can, when it doesn't drive you nuts. He'll be pathetically grateful."

Alexis laughs at that, but it's good to know. "Rafe and I. . .hardly ever see each other, really. We both like that we have busy, separate lives. He likes that we aren't constantly crowding each other, and I like that I can spend as much time as I need to at the center or with the runaways. And it's going to be like that - for at least the foreseeable future. Being a chef - it's crazy hours - working until two or three in the morning sometimes. But I'll head over and have dinner with him in the back sometimes, or hang out with him on the nights it's slow. It works that we don't constantly hover over each other."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"But it means," Alexis pauses, considering her words. "This is kind of. . .a test I think. For both of us. To see how it is all day every day, you know? How well we get along, how well we work together."

Kate nods slowly. "Well, he passed the kid test. Said all the right things to Ellery. And Dash is easy. So there's that."

"He wants kids," she says softly, risking a look at Kate.

She sees Kate bite at her lower lip, a hesitant smile on her face. "And you?"

"Yeah. God, yeah." Alexis knows the blush is rising up her cheeks, leans back against the half wall to feel the breeze coming in off the gulf. "Not right now. But, mm, I'm not waiting long."

Kate makes a noise in her throat, and Alexis glances over at her. Her adopted mother just shrugs. "Makes me feel old."

"No! Not much older than me. Well. Um, that doesn't sound any better really. Not exactly old?" She gives her a faint smile.

Kate laughs, so Alexis turns to hug Kate hard, reveling in it. "I've missed you."

"Missed you too, Allie. Of course. Not the same with you gone."

"No free baby-sitting," she offers, laughing a little. Kate laughs back, but she squeezes a little tighter, brushes a kiss to Alexis's forehead. She's not sure Kate has ever. . .has ever really done that before. Her heart pounds as she leans back.

"You know it's more than that," Kate says softly, dropping her arms, shaking her head. "Okay. Rafe. He's your best friend. You love him. You want to have kids with him. God, Allie. That's - I can't ask for more for you. I'm so proud of the woman you are."

Alexis feels her face break into a wide smile; it sounds so strange to hear it from Kate, in that honest and direct manner that she's always had. Somehow it makes it more real, this thing with Rafe. "Now I've got to explain it to Dad."

"Just tell him how Rafe was in love with you from the beginning, and your Dad will melt. He's a sucker for a good romance - especially a story like that."

Alexis laughs again, presses a hand to her flaming cheek, trying to roll her eyes but a little too joyful to pull it off. "He is; you're right. Thanks, Mom." She puts her arms around Kate again, just so caught up in it, so glad to finally be able to share this with the one person who knows, who understands so clearly.

The door to the condo opens right then, and Alexis hears her father laughing. She turns her head, and her Dad is giving them both a look. "Lose your key?"

Kate slips out of Alexis's embrace and stalks forward, poking her finger at his chest. "No. Just having some quality time with my oldest."

As it always does whenever Kate just tosses it out like that, Alexis's heart squeezes painfully, a reminder of how careful Kate is with her love, how precious a thing it is to be considered one of her own, to have a mother's fierce protection. _You'll have to share._ That's what Kate told Dash when the boy was being clingy and tried to push Alexis away from his mother. But Kate wasn't only Dashiell's mother; she was Alexis's too.

"Kate?" she says hesitantly, sees her adopted mother turn around in the doorway, surprise in her eyes.

Alexis hardly ever calls her Kate any more. But this seems important for what she needs to say, for who she needs to say it to - not just her mom, but the woman who chose to love her back then, chose to do this. "I love you."

Kate comes back for her, wraps her in a gentle and cradling embrace, a hand at the back of Alexis's head as if to hold her closer. Alexis squeezes her eyes shut, her heart pounding. She had been so independent and so mature for so long; she'd been the adult really, even with her own father. And then came Kate, and it was suddenly okay to be the kid again, it was okay to make mistakes and be forgiven, to mess up and have help cleaning it up.

Kate's cheek is against hers; Alexis feels the brush of a mother's lips, and then the soft sounds at her ear, sounds she doesn't know, has only heard spoken to Dash or Ella, soothing sounds that have the fierceness of love to them.

_"Volim te, srce moje. Volim te."_

* * *

><p>Rafe stands on the balcony in shorts and a tshirt, noting with some irony that he's wearing a Superman shirt and Allie's father is wearing Green Lantern. Allie's been telling him they are a lot alike, and he honestly didn't see it. Until maybe right this moment. Rick Castle is honestly acting exactly like he expected, especially since the man knows that Rafe is living with his daughter, and has been, and well-<p>

"You know I'm in love with her," he says to break the ice, get it started, glancing over at the man to see how that went.

Rick has Ellery in a lounge chair and is trying to wrestle her into clothes to go over her swimsuit. They scheduled a surfing lesson with a surf instructor and it seems they all get to attend. Rafe has done some surfing before, but he'll keep that to himself. The better he can look in front of Allie's father. . .

"I get that sense, yeah," Rick says finally, looking up at him. "I also get the sense she's in love with you."

Rafe glances back through the closed balcony door but he can't see Allie or her mom either, although he does see Dashiell squatting down in the floor by the couch. Hiding, most likely. Interesting. The two women were supposedly wrestling the kid into his swimsuit and clothes as well, but they must be talking instead. Or something else.

"I've loved her since I met her," he adds, still looking into the condo. He's used to that feeling though, looking in. Or at least he was. Until Allie looked back out at him and slid open the door between them, let him in.

"Oh?"

Rafe looks back towards Rick Castle, tries to separate the man from the myth, the father from the best selling author. Hard to do, honestly. He's read all the Castle novels, of course he has (the moment he met her and knew he was fascinated by her quiet strength, he went right to the public library and checked out a stack of them), but even reading all the man's novels doesn't give him any idea what would impress Richard Castle the most. Except for a murder. And maybe a confession.

"Every time she dated someone new. . .it killed me. But if she was happy, I could take it; I couldn't breathe, but I could survive it."

Rick clears his throat, then finally looks up at Rafe as well, nods once. "I understand that more than you might think."

Rafe studies him a moment, tries to gauge how far his confession has gotten him. He has no idea. Rick Castle has an excellent poker face.

Ellery saves him with a little jump from the lounge chair, her arms circling around Rick's neck. "Daddy."

"Yeah, cricket, let's get your shirt on."

Rafe leans over and picks it up off the ground where it fell, shakes it out before handing it to Rick. "But. Then Allie wasn't happy." He swallows hard, takes a breath, meets her father's eyes as determined as he possibly can. "She wasn't happy. So I took my chance, and I told her how I feel, how I. . ." Rafe pauses, but he can't find words that fit the situation that don't also sound. . .not so great to the father of the woman he loves. "How I need her. I told her-"

"And that makes her happy?" Rick asks, lifting a solitary eyebrow as if to cast aspersions on that claim. "Allie."

"Yes." He knows it does. "She loves me back." Allie. Maybe it's the kids' nickname for her, that's fine, but she's Allie. Allie is the woman he found in his apartment, the woman he overheard defending him to her old boyfriend, the woman who teased him into a marathon session of Scrabble one night when she bet him she could win every game. She lost the first Scrabble game at three the next morning, after nearly fifteen games. And she let him gloat when he finally won.

"Allie is happy with me. I'll. . .never stop trying to make her happy."

"Ah." Rick has moved back to the little girl, trying to get her hands through her shirt. Ellery is cute with her dark hair and blue eyes - she has something of Allie's reserved nature to her, but a streak of wildness that must be her mother. Watching Rick dress the girl gives Rafe the moment of pause he needs to rebuild his courage, to reaffirm for himself what he already knows he wants.

"I wanted to mention it to you first, though. Before-"

Rick's eyes startle to his; his hands go still on the little girl's tshirt so that Ellery's head is stuck in the hole, waiting on him to tug it down. "Before?"

"I want to ask her to marry me. But I wanted you to know first."

He holds his breath, his hands in fists at his sides, but when Rick continues to just stare at him, Rafe gives that up and reaches forward, pulling Ellery's shirt down over her head with a quick tug. Ellery gives him a full smile, then throws her arms around his neck, surprising him.

But Rafe catches her, hears Rick make a strangled noise in his throat.

"Sir?"

"Rick. It's Rick. Just. Rick."

Rafe pats Ella's back, lets her settle down into the lounge chair where Rick takes her up in his arms, as if to take her away from Rafe. Just in case. Rafe sighs.

"If you object-"

"No," comes the quick answer. He watches the man a moment longer, sees the struggle on his face. Rafe didn't expect this to be easy, but he did expect more words than this from the author.

"You don't object?"

"I. . .don't know you really. But I can see that my daughter loves you. And you've made your case."

Rafe nods at that. He has. That was the point.

"So. Are you asking my permission?"

"No." Rafe lifts his chin, waits for whatever might come from that.

"Good." Rick Castle gives him a careful look. "She's her own person; she makes her own decisions. Always has, actually; since she was little." The older man takes in another deep breath. "Thank you for telling me. I. . .have to admit, I'm having trouble with it. Not because of you, Rafe. Just."

Rafe nods. "I understand that. Probably makes it harder, having a little girl at home too."

Rick gives him a slow smile. "Yeah, yeah, you might be right about that. Point taken. Alexis. . .Allie's not my little girl, is she?"

"No, sir. With all respect."

"Got it." Rick nods again, then gestures towards the condo. "After you."

"If you don't mind. Please don't mention this to her."

Rick gives him a long look, but something of a smile seems to break free, drift up into his eyes. It's not a real smile; it's a ghost of one. But it's good enough.

"I won't say anything. Well, to Kate."

"Yes, of course. I was going to tell her-"

"You can do that." And then Rick nods and gestures towards the condo again, as if to hurry him along. Ellery bobs in his arms, bouncing and humming that sounds strangely like The Black Keys.

Well, that seems to be it then. Rafe turns and opens the door, wonders if that went well. If Allie's father will be okay with this or what.

He honestly doesn't know.


	58. Chapter 58

"You guys want to eat something before we have to go? We've got plenty of time." Kate watches Alexis, sees how she turns instinctively towards Rafe. He doesn't say anything, and Kate can't read him yet, but Alexis can, and she knows his answer.

"Yeah, actually. Rafe could make us all something though, Mom. You don't have to."

"Don't want to make him work on vacation-"

"It's not work," Rafe says, that low and quiet voice. Kate glances to him again, but still, his face holds not a single tell across his features. He's as tall as Castle, just about, and the sharp black lines of his eyebrows frame eyes that are almost grey, the olive of his skin interrupted by a smattering of freckles along his strong nose and the scruff on his cheeks and chin. He looks like he's thinner than he should be, but he still has lean ropes of muscle in his arms and calves. Mostly, it's the intensity of his eyes that are both alluring and comforting at the same time.

He's not much of a talker, apparently. Or a smiler. But it's not brooding, just quiet, reserve, a feeling that he's waiting for the right time.

Kate turns back to Allie and gives her a raised eyebrow, reaching out to hug her with a murmur. "You did good, sweetheart."

Allie laughs against her cheek and squeezes back. "Ha, thanks."

"Okay, I've got to shower before we go, but your dad was getting dressed and should be out here in a second to keep an eye on the kids. Rafe - feel free to use whatever you want in the kitchen."

She turns for the bedroom, opening the door and closing it quickly behind her. She bites her lip and leans against the door, figuring it's gone pretty well so far. Honestly, Rafe reminds her, in temperament at least, of Ellery - the quiet, the intensity of his expression, the patience which is really stubbornness in Ellery.

Castle comes out of the bathroom in his teal swim trunks and a black graphic tshirt - an upside down royal crown with the words _Now Panic and Freak Out._ Kate laughs despite herself and pushes away from the door, smiling at him, brushing her hand over his forearm to hold him there a moment.

"Hey there. Nice shirt," she murmurs and lifts on her toes to kiss his chin, work her way to his mouth. Castle gives her something of a perfunctory kiss back, then steps away, looking at her with a strange misgiving on his face.

"Castle?"

"Yeah, shirt probably says it all."

"Castle," she says, trying to wade through his tendency for dramatics.

"Rafe. . .uh. . .we had a talk out on the balcony while I got Ella into her swimsuit." He avoids her eyes, looking off through the glass door where the morning sun streams in, his face awash in brilliant white light, but looking slightly sick.

"Yeah?" She was about to tell him that she likes the boy - the man; he's a man, with a career, and a love for Castle's daughter that makes his whole being-

"He's got a ring."

"He's got-" She blinks and steps in closer, lifting her hand to his shoulder. "A ring." Perhaps the dramatics were in order.

Castle cuts his eyes back to her; she sees a wave of desolation that rocks her back on her heels.

"Oh, baby." She wraps both arms around him, leaves her lips pressed against his neck for a long moment. He hugs her back fiercely until she begins to feel the shock leave his body, a slow draining of tension.

"He was just. . .letting me know," he says quietly against her skin. "I think he's looking for a moment to talk to you alone as well."

"Hey, you okay?"

"Not. . .yes? No. I don't know. I'm so proud of the woman Alexis has become, but I'm - he made a good point. Out there."

She hums against him in askance, then leans away to look in his eyes, her husband. Her partner, really, always her partner. "What point did he make?"

"He called her Allie."

Kate softens, fits herself around Castle again - Rick - as she tries to absorb whatever morose thoughts circle in his head. "What about her?"

"Just. She's Allie now. She's not Alexis. Or Lex - I never really gave her a nickname as a kid, like we have with Dash and Ella, but Lex. That would slip out sometimes. She hated to be called anything other than Alexis. She was an insistent little thing; she knew exactly what she wanted."

"But she's not a little thing any more," Kate murmurs, seeing the problem. "She's a woman. When I was her age, Castle, I was working in Vice - usually as the bait out on the sidewalk."

"Honey trap," he chuckles, but there's a sigh at the end of his voice. He squeezes her shoulders, still wrapped around her, then leans away, his eyes seeking hers.

"That give you any perspective?" she says softly.

"Some." He runs a hand through his hair; it's getting long again and curls at his collar, hangs in his eyes. She lifts her fingers to brush through the same path his own hand just took, reshaping it, smiling to herself at the spikes.

"Baby, you're just going to have to be okay with it-"

"Baby?" He grins, not a full-fledged grin, but a haunting of one anyway. "I think that's twice in this conversation."

"I'm being gentle with you, Castle. You need a soft touch."

He huffs on a laugh and leans back into her, draping himself over her body, his chin on her shoulder. "In that case, I'm gonna stay right here for a minute."

She rubs her hands up and down his back, shifts so that her hips meet his, keeping their bodies close. "Okay. But you do know that wasn't a pet name, right? Still just calling you a big baby."

He chuckles at her shoulder, takes a moment to graze his teeth along her skin but doesn't try to chase after anything more. After a few long seconds, Kate draws a hand between them and strokes his adam's apple, the line of his throat down to his clavicle.

"Hey. The kids are out there. All four of them," she grins, feels the jolt of shock through his body at her words. "And I have to shower. You need to go watch the little ones."

"I'd rather watch you shower instead."

"Maybe later," she concedes, pressing her palm against his chest in warning. But he doesn't move away, so she pushes a little.

"Alexis - Allie doesn't know anything about it, Kate." He releases her, lifts his head from her shoulder, squeezes her sides between his fingers and thumbs as if he wanted to pick her up but thought better of it.

"It's a surprise then."

"And he didn't say if this was going down on vacation or if he was just taking the opportunity to speak with us without making her suspicious, so-"

"I won't breathe a word. This is. . .well, I think it's exciting. Remember when Javi proposed to Lanie?" She raises her eyes to his, grinning, stepping in close to him again. Her chest is tight with memory and she likes the way the heat of his body loosens her up again.

"Yeah but that was Lanie and Esposito. Not my daughter, Kate."

"Mine too," she says back, lifting an eyebrow at him. He just sighs.

"I know," he murmurs, hanging his head.

"Don't go out there looking like that, Castle," she chastises him, reaching a hand up to squeeze the back of his neck, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his jaw, right at the little spot where his stubble doesn't grow in, smooth and oblong; she nibbles at his skin with her teeth.

When she pulls away again, that sad expression has been wiped clean. Not that his buzzing interest is better really, but it won't make Allie ask any hard questions.

"Go shower," he says, his voice gentle, more Rick and less moping Castle.

She brushes her thumb over the line of his jaw and steps away, heading for the bathroom. She's almost to the door when she hears him call out to her.

"Kate?"

"Yeah." She pauses, turns around to look at him. He's got one hand on the knob, is about to leave her to it.

"Thank you."

"For?"

He gives her a lop-sided smile that makes her heart somersault in her chest.

"For being so good for me."

* * *

><p>Castle finds the kids - damn, the <em>kids<em> - in the kitchen, all four of them, just like Kate said. And just like Kate warned him last night, he can see on Alexis's face, on Rafe's as well, how they take pleasure in having the little hands helping out. How soon that might be for them.

Dashiell is cracking open eggs and dumping them into a bowl as he stands on a chair pulled up to the counter. Alexis holds a trash can up so he can throw the shells away. But Rafe - his back is to Castle - frames Ellery as she sits on the countertop, her legs wrapped around a bowl, stirring something, her little tongue poking out. Rafe's got a hand on either side of her, watching her, murmuring little encouraging suggestions to Castle's daughter.

Okay, well, now Castle respects him all the more. And maybe he's starting to like him too.

"Hey guys," he calls out, watches Dashiell whip around on his chair, excitement making him bouncy.

"Dad! Look what I get to do! I'm helping."

"Hey man, I see that. Making eggs?"

"Nope. That's what chickens do," Dash giggles, his little face crinkling up with how funny he thinks he is. "But Rafe says it's for. . .uh, what's it for again?"

Alexis laughs and turns to look at Rafe for the answer. "Babe?"

Castle lifts an eyebrow. _Babe?_

Rafe twist his torso to look over his shoulder at Dashiell, but he also wraps his fingers around Ella's knee, holding her there. "Ah, HC Scramble, Dash. That's Huevos Chorizo Scramble. But without the chiles."

Castle moves to the bar and leans against it, watching them. "No chiles, too bad. Dash would love the chiles, wouldn't you, wild man?"

"I like chiles. But we could put hot sauce in it, right?"

Castle notes the flinch that goes across Rafe's face at that suggestion, but the man is careful not to let Dashiell see his aversion. Probably offends his chef's sensibilities.

"You can always add hot sauce to your own plate," Rafe says finally. "But just in case the rest of us don't want any, we'll leave it out of the recipe."

"Very diplomatic," Castle comments in sotto voce.

Rafe gives him a quick look but says nothing back.

Alexis helps Dashiell start beating the eggs. "What's after this?"

"We'll scramble the eggs for a little bit, then add in the dry ingredients."

"What's in that?" Castle asks, leaning forward to peer over Ella's head into the bowl she's diligently mixing. Looks like it's plenty ready, but Rafe is letting her feel just as important as Dashiell, doing a job for the cook, and so she stirs and stirs.

"Chorizo is supposed to be pork sausage with paprika and chiles mixed in it, but we're improvising here. I found your roll of sausage, added the paprika from the seasonings in the cabinet - even though they look a little old-"

"Ah, it's the condo's stock, I think. Honestly, I didn't even know this place had a spice rack."

Rafe gives a quick lift of his lips into what must pass for a smile from him. Castle is having trouble reading the man; he holds back quite a lot, keeps himself in reserve. Explaining the recipe is the most talking from Rafe that Castle has heard yet. Even when they were having their tete-a-tete on the balcony.

"Instead of chiles, I cut up the onion and the fresh cilantro. I'll replace-"

"No, no. I think Kate must have bought the onion and cilantro. She always has these high expectations for herself in the cooking department - especially when she's got downtime."

"But it hardly ever happens," Alexis adds with a grin. "Although she makes the best bread - from scratch. Potato bread, wheat with honey, ooh, once - Dad, remember? - that orange and coffee bread?"

"Oh God, yes. That was amazing."

"Could you taste the coffee?" Rafe asks, interest on his face.

"Faintly. And the orange not at all. At least, that's what I thought," Castle answers.

"I kinda thought I could. But it wasn't overwhelming orange, just. . .a kind of sweet tang to it."

"Ah, I bet it was orange peel," Rafe murmurs, as if to himself.

"Sure," Castle laughs. "I have no idea. I just know it was the best bread."

"Bread maker?"

"I got it for her for Christmas," Alexis says, nodding. "And then she made a loaf every Friday for ages. Dad, was that the year that Ella was born?"

Castle grins. "Yeah, I think so. Because Kate also made some kind of chocolate dessert nearly every day that month too."

"I did what?"

Castle turns around in the stool and sees Kate pulling her wet hair back from her face, snapping a rubberband around it in a loose bun. She stops beside him and brushes her hand down his back.

"Wasn't it the Christmas when Ella was born that you made bread all the time? And then all that chocolate after that."

"Yeah," Kate says with a grin, leaning forward on the counter to stroke her finger down Ellery's nose. The girl has turned around to look at Kate with a proud grin. She holds up her spoon. "Hey there, cricket. What're you making?"

Castle chuckles as everyone turns to look at Rafe again. The man gives a low laugh and gently guides the spoon back into the bowl. "Huevos Chorizo Scramble. But let's just call it an omelet; make it easier."

Dashiell jumps down from the chair. "I know omelets. Daddy makes omelets."

"Well, that's what this is too." Rafe looks over Alexis's shoulder as she puts a pan on the stove, turns it on. "Little higher, Allie."

"Oil in the bottom? Butter?"

"Olive oil if it's here. If not, use a little milk." Castle watches the soft conversation between them, the way Rafe touches Alexis's hip with one finger, as if just to make certain of where she is, like a touchstone. Not in any kind of direction, not with a sense of possessiveness, just awareness.

Castle feels Kate's eyes on him and he turns his head to her; she lifts an eyebrow and leans in closer to press her mouth to his ear, giving his earlobe a soft bite with her teeth. "You good?"

He nods, brushes his fingers at her jaw as she pulls back. Kate props a foot up on the bottom rung of his stool, leans against his shoulder as she watches Rafe take the dry ingredients from Ellery. He hands them off to Alexis, then lifts Ella off the counter.

Castle twists his head around, realizing he doesn't know where Dash ran off too. "Dashiell?"

"Here, Daddy!"

Kate leans out and looks down the hall, then turns and nods at Castle. Check. Rafe and Alexis are at the stove, cooking the huevos, and Ellery wanders around to her parents, lifts her arms up to Kate.

"Words, baby girl," Kate says, glancing down at her.

"Uppie," their daughter says, straining forward on her tiptoes, her forehead knitting.

Kate leans over and scoops her up. Castle is surprised with how easy it's been lately, getting Ellery to talk to them. He wonders if Ella just needed some quantity time with her mother, or if this has just been the right timing for it.

Kate puts Ellery on the bar and leans in with her elbows on either side of the girl. Ella giggles as Kate blows raspberries against her neck, her little hands at Kate's cheeks as if to push her away, her whole body squirming.

Castle gets up and trails his hand across Kate's back as he heads for the hallway. He finds Dash in his room trying to gather up a handful of toys.

"What are you doing, my man?"

"Getting some stuff." Dash tucks a Spiderman under his chin and clutches a couple of dinosaurs to his chest with an arm.

"What are you going to do with that stuff?"

"Show Rafe."

"Ah. You know he's making breakfast in there."

"I had pizza for breakfast," Dashiell says with excitement.

"Yeah, he's making breakfast for the adults. You guys can have some if you want, but-"

"Rafe said I could add hot sauce to mine."

"Yeah. But wild man, tell me what you're doing with so many of these." Castle gets down on his knees and touches the collection of action figures in Dashiell's arms. He watches his son bending down for another one, his fingers stretching to get the Halo soldier without dropping everything else.

"I'm gonna show Rafe my toys, Daddy."

"Well, what about waiting until breakfast is over?"

"Why?" Dashiell lifts his head and looks at his father, disappointment struggling in his eyes.

"Because Rafe is making us food. And then we'll be eating. And then maybe he can look at your toys and not be distracted."

Dashiell glances down to the pile in his arms then works his jaw as if he has to mull that over.

"I promise you can show him your toys today, kiddo. But maybe right now. . .there's not a good time for it."

Dashiell drops them in the floor, his shoulders slumping. Castle sits back on the floor, waiting to see if this is more melodrama or real disappointment.

"Daddy. . .can I at least show you?"

His heart lifts. Castle reaches out and wraps Dash in a hug, squeezing tight the way the boy likes it, pressing a quick kiss to his temple even though Dash has lately started protesting.

"Of course you can. Tell me all about them."

Dashiell slides out of Castle's arms and sits down in the floor as well, gathering his action figures together. When he lifts his eyes to his father's, the happiness in them makes Castle happy as well - simple as that is.

Dash gives him a wide grin. "Thanks, Daddy. It'll be like good practice."

Castle grins back, reaches out and grips the back of Dash's neck, proud for some reason he can't name. He swallows past it and clears his throat. "Yeah, buddy. Good idea. Practice on me."

Practice. That's what being a little kid is all about, isn't it? Practicing for when they get older, when they have to be adults and interact with the world. It's what Alexis did when she was little, practice for being - one day - a grown woman with a career, maybe someone's wife, someone's mother.

One day Dashiell might have to talk to some girl's father out on the balcony, let him know that he wants to marry the man's daughter. One day someone might come for Ellery too.

And damn, he looks forward to that day and dreads it at the same time.

Until then. "Okay Dash, tell me about this guy."


	59. Chapter 59

Kate has to hold herself back from helping. Because, of course, helping would only be bossing around, and Dashiell has a tendency to rebel when she does it in front of people he's trying to impress.

And Dash has both Rafe and the little girl Maleah to impress.

They've all got wetsuits on, rented from the surf shop, and both Gene and Rachel are taking the group of them out for a surfing lesson. They got a short explanation about the boards, the way the ocean works; they got to practice in the sun, and how to lean with the curl of a wave, but now they're in the water, trying to patiently wait for waves to come in.

The adults, of course, are doing a better job of the patience thing. Rafe has apparently surfed before, and often, because Kate's pretty sure he wasn't listening all that attentively (most of the lesson he's spent watching Alexis with Ella, which makes Kate's heart beat too hard), but despite that, he's a natural on the board.

He's waded in beside Rachel and her son, Micah, to give them a hand with Dashiell. Kate sits on her board with her feet dangling in the water, palms pressed to the board for balance, watching them until she's sure Dash has control of himself, that there's not a fit in the making as he tries and fails. Tries and fails. He's not one to give up, but he does whine about it. So Castle.

And then that thought turns her eyes to Rick Castle, who's working with Gene to get up on his board. Kate hasn't had much trouble catching a few curling, small waves and riding them in - mostly crouched because she hasn't gotten enough motion to stand - but Castle keeps pushing it. Bigger and better waves, more dramatics, trying to show off.

Alexis is teasing him about it, _good girl_, and Ella has abandoned her kid's board to sit in front of Allie, her belly against her sister's board, fingers and toes in the ocean. Allie has a hand hooked through Ellery's life vest; the girl's chin is tucked down into the v of the vest, her cheek on the board. A wave will splash her every now and then, and Ella lifts a spluttering, happy face to see if anyone has noticed.

Kate shifts her attention back to Castle and laughs. Gene is in chest deep water, holding both hands out, saying something that Kate can't hear, but Rick is nodding a little too enthusiastically and he's shaking the board, giving him a precarious balance. He's wiped out more than once already today, but he comes up grinning, looking a lot like Ella, actually.

Kate's just hanging out in the ocean, at the edge of the group, not exactly on the outside of things, but definitely observing it all. As a detective, she adopts this role by default, a way of closing herself off to whatever intense emotion might be going on in the scene but still being able to witness it. The thing is. . .it's not them, not the kids or Castle or even Rafe and Allie that's done it to her, pushed her out.

It was a chance meeting in the parking lot. The family they've spent some time with was just coming back inside - Vickie and her kids and the husband, Austin. Everyone was friendly. Rick shook Austin's hand and said something to Claire; Dashiell edged around Tate to talk to Graham. They introduced Allie and Rafe, had a moment of just. . .chatting.

But there was something going on. A look in Vickie's eyes, pain shuttered away. Austin was too enthusiastic. The oldest kid was subdued, Tate his usual stand-offish self, and the little girl, Claire, just a little confused, as if she was too young to understand but she felt it too.

It triggered something in Kate. An instinct for grief in others. A way of sliding into that space and making room for someone else there as well, a place of dark comfort that she usually took victims' families to, dwelled with them there for the span of a case.

But why? Why did it come over her just then? Why can she not shake it now? She straddles the surf board on a beautiful day in South Padre, all her kids having fun and laughing, her husband like a little kid himself, and still - a shadow has passed over her.

So she's gently swirling her feet in the water, riding the swells, out far enough so the waves won't take her in. She needs a moment to gather herself, to ride out not only the water, but the weight of particular grief. She closes her eyes and tilts her face to the sun, lets the heat soak into her skin, down into her blood, hoping it warms the rest of her as well.

Kate feels a nudge against her board and her eyes startle open - thinking shark - but it's only Rafe. Her gaze tracks Dashiell who is still with the instructor, so she settles her attention back to the man in front of her.

"You all right?" Rafe asks, his eyes dark with concern. Grey-brown-blue swirls echoing the ocean. He looks five times as dark, swarthy, as when he arrived this morning. She knows he put on sunblock because Allie lathered it all over her fair skin and handed it to him, then chided him for trying to pass it on without using it. But it looks like the sunblock is barely making a dent.

"I'm all right," she says, and gives him a smile. "Just thinking about some friends." Are they friends? They spent a few days together. But the woman, Vickie - she and Kate had a connection, a love of Castle's books, and there was - is - something to that.

"Since you're out here alone," Rafe starts. "I wanted to tell you-"

"Rick told me." Kate feels her smile return for real, thinking about Allie's unhesitating confession this morning out in the breezeway. "I think it's beautiful."

Rafe nods his head once and then brings his eyes back to hers. "Thank you. I wanted you both to know. It's important - you're important to her. More than just family. I don't know any girls who are best friends with their mothers."

Kate shrugs, but she glances over at Allie and Ella, long limbs and fair skin, dark head against copper as the oldest presses a kiss to the youngest's cheek. Best friends. She hopes Ellery thinks that of her too, one of these days. She hopes that for Alexis too - a little girl who will grow up to share so much. "Allie's. . .special. You know she's not mine, but she is. We made her mine, the two of us." Kate flickers her eyes back to Rafe to see how that goes over with him.

"My family is pretty big. And loud," Rafe comments. "I don't talk much - I don't get a chance to. But we're all family, good and bad, we love each other because we have to. But here. You've built something. You maintain it. I've never seen that."

Kate looks at him in surprise. "Your parents are. . .?"

"Oh no, my parents are still together. That's not it. It's a purposefulness I see here. An intentional living. You make certain of it, of Allie, of the kids, of him. I want that for us."

Wow. This kid - man, she corrects, this man - he's thought about this; he's analyzing their two families and pulling the best traits out of them. That is seriously impressive. And slightly intimidating. And incredibly romantic.

"I'm not sure how intentional any of this is," Kate admits with a laugh. "It kind of happened."

Rafe studies her for a brief moment, not an uncomfortable look, but definitely the look of a man whose intelligence has caused him to take apart his life, learn its inner workings, and rebuild it stronger. She's seen it in her father, in his sobriety; she's seen it in Castle from time to time; she's seen it in the mirror. And maybe that's what Rafe sees in their family as well - how to come back better.

"I don't think anything just happens. You choose it, or you don't choose it. And then you deal with what comes of it." Rafe shrugs back; Kate is stunned by the half-smile on his face, gentle and unassuming but not at all apologetic. Rafe is most definitely a force to behold. Allie has found herself a man who will stand up.

Kate gives him a nod back. Because it's true - she chose Castle, and then she chose Dash. She chose to build the relationship with Alexis, from the first, even if she wasn't very good at it then. "I chose it."

"I admire it," Rafe says simply, and his eyes drift out over the ocean to the rest of them. "And that's my promise. To you and. . .Allie's dad." He turns his gaze to her; Kate can feel it boring into her, so she turns her head back to look at him.

"Promise?"

"My promise. I'll never take Allie away from you. But I intend to give her the same thing you have here." Rafe's mouth curls. "If she'll have me."

Kate's shoulders ease; she leans forward on the board and reaches for Rafe's hand, squeezing it when he allows her the touch. "Thank you. I don't think you have to worry about whether or not she'll have you. She's already chosen you, hasn't she?" Her best friend. Not the boys that made her miserable, the boys that weren't good enough for her, the boys she didn't love. She picked her best friend. "She chose you."

Gone is the serious, studious man of a few moments ago. Rafe in front of her now cracks open with light, his face bathed with love. His eyes are on Allie's form, like he's drinking her in. Kate's seen that look before too - on Rick Castle. When she said yes. Relief and joy both, the certainty of reciprocated love after a time of unrequited yearning.

She's glad that Rafe is so certain of Allie, because the young woman seems equally certain of him. As she should be.

And thankfully, the clouds over Kate's heart have been swept away by this man's quiet earnestness.

"Rafe?"

He looks at her, his focus shifting slowly from Allie to Kate, as if coming back from a long distance. Kate grins to see it.

"Thanks. I needed to be shaken out of my head."

Rafe gives her that knowing smile back - a small lift of his lips, a serenity in his eyes. Kate's beginning to be able to read his looks, and that makes her pleased with herself. This man will be part of their family. Is part of their family.

"And Rafe?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Thank you for choosing Allie."

Kate slides off the board and begins swimming back in, ready to join the rest of them, ready to be here, no longer in her own dark space.

* * *

><p>Castle peels out of the wetsuit while Dashiell still struggles with his. The changing room is a tight fit for both of them, but he manages to hang the suit back over the door, slide his swim trunks on, and then step into his flipflops.<p>

"Need help, my man?"

"Yeah, Daddy. Can't get it." Dashiell sighs and drops his hands, baring his neck to his father.

He's already got the velcro tab undone and the zipper is pulled down a little, so it takes only a little effort to unzip him the rest of the way, trying to be careful not to catch his skin.

"Remember how hard it was to put on?" Castle murmurs, sliding his hand down between the suit and Dashiell's arm. "Gene said we had to tug on every part of it to make it snug. So it's gonna be a little rough getting off too."

"I'm okay, Daddy."

"You like the wetsuit."

"It squeezes all over."

Hmm, yeah. Good point. "And it was warm."

Dashiell grins. "Gene said - Don't pee in my wetsuits!" The boy starts giggling again, even as Castle maneuvers his arm out of the tightly clinging neoprene. "I didn't pee in it, Daddy. But it was warm."

"It's supposed to be."

"What did Rafe say? The life. . .awk- ok -"

"The Life Aquatic."

"That means life in a' ocean. Right?"

"Basically. Aquatic means pertaining to the water." Castle starts peeling the other sleeve off of Dashiell's skinny arm. He has a huge bruise on his shoulder. Maybe from falling at the McDonalds?

"Pertaining. . .I like that. Perrrr - taining. What's that, Daddy?"

"It means. . .related to."

"So, aquatic means. . .means. . .being a family of the ocean. I already got a family."

Castle hides his grin behind a hand and smothers a laugh by clearing his throat. "Yeah, you do. We'd hate to lose you to the ocean."

"Me too." Dashiell yanks his arm out and bounces on his toes, making the top half of the wetsuit flop around at his waist. "Do mermaids and mermen have Halloween?"

"I don't think so." Castle stills him with a hand on his shoulder, squats down to get at eye level with his son. "Lift your foot, kiddo."

Dashiell shifts from foot to foot, evidently unable to decide which one first. Then he plants his right foot on Castle's thigh and hops around, trying to regain his balance, swaying backwards.

"Whoa, whoa-"

Castle grunts on a laugh, clamping a hand down on the boy's ankle, then grabbing his arm. Dashiell swings back, giggling, but he stands still so that his father can start working the neoprene down over his hips.

"Tickles, Daddy!"

"Sorry, man. Just let me-" Castle tugs from the sides and manages to get the wetsuit down to the boy's knees. Dash shakes his hips, looking down, and laughs.

"Hey, Daddy, my pee-"

"Hush, Dashiell. Let me do this." Castle rolls his eyes at the boy. Kate has gotten onto him more than once about allowing Dashiell to talk about that in public. The changing room at the back of the surf shop isn't exactly public, but he can hear Kate and Alexis's voices drifting over from their side.

"Hey, my man. Do you talk to Ellery about this?" Castle peels the last of it over Dashiell's foot. "You know how Mommy-"

"Ellie said she wished she could do my pee-pee dance too."

Ha. Okay. "Well, girls have different parts than boys."

"I told her that." Dash puffs out his chest like the proud older brother he is. "She's a girl. She can't do the dance."

"Uh, I don't think girls usually. . .right. No. You're right." No use explaining. Just like when Dashiell was two and a half years old, standing up in the tub to swing it around, laughing and calling it his pee-pee dance - Kate had been appalled, but Castle. . .it's just what boys do. No matter what he said, he hadn't been able to explain it to her either.

He really should change the subject. Otherwise, the pee-pee dance will be on Dash's mind, and he'll come out of the changing room and say something to everyone. And then Kate really will kill him.

"I've heard you calling Ellery by a new name. Did you pick that? Ellie?"

Dashiell gives him a clueless look. "It's her name."

"Ellie is her name?"

"Yeah." He lifts a foot so Castle can get his swim trunks on him, then lifts the other foot. "My sisters. Allie and Ellie."

Huh, maybe it's as simple as that.

"Ellery calls you Dashy sometimes, doesn't she?"

Dashiell wrinkles his nose and his eyes meet his father's. "It's silly."

"It is, a little bit."

"Girls do that," Dash sighs, and his face is still screwed up like he's smelling something rank. "Girls are weird."

"Girls can be weird, yeah. But they're still pretty great." Castle pulls the boy's shirt off the hook and stands him up on the bench so he's not hunched over the kid so much. "Arms up."

Dashiell raises his arms (he's really too old to be getting dressed by his father, but Castle will do anything to hurry this along).

"What's pretty great about girls?" Dashiell grunts.

"They smell good."

Dashiell wrinkles his nose and rears back, looking at his father like he's been betrayed. "They smell like girls!"

"Mommy smells good." Castle tugs the shirt down over the boy's head.

Dash pauses, eyebrows knitting together in the narrow lines of his face. "Mommy. . .smells like Mommy. She's. . ." He trails off as he slides his arms out the arm holes, pulling his tshirt down.

Castle watches him a moment, enjoying this conversation. "Mommy is a girl."

"Yeah, but-" Dashiell shakes that off, tries to get around it. "But Mommy is Mommy."

"You think Ellery stinks?"

"Yes!"

Castle takes his own shirt off the hook and hurriedly pulls it on over his head. "Oh man. Then you do too, kiddo. You guys use the same soap, and you bathe together. So-"

"Ew, gross, Daddy. Girls stink like. . .like 'Boo girls!'"

Castle laughs, runs a hand through his wet hair, then shakes the water off on Dashiell.

"Hey!" Dash tries to do the same, flicking his fingers up at his father, but it's pointless. They're both still relatively wet. Then his face gets serious. "Daddy, don't tell Mommy that girls stink."

"I'm totally telling."

"Daddy, but I said Mommy isn't a girl!"

"But she is a girl."

"But she's a Mommy. Don't tell her," Dash whines.

Castle wraps an arm around the kid and hikes him up, then turns in the small space and opens the door, kicking the boy's sandals out into the more open area. Kate is there, alone, an amused expression on her face.

"Don't tell me, huh?" Kate steps closer; Castle has seen that look on her face a handful of times - predatory. It's sexy as hell, but she's leveling it on their son. "Oh, Dash. . .so girls stink?"

Dashiell shrieks, even as Kate is reaching for him, her fingers going to tickle his knees, squeezing hard so that the boy shrieks again with laughter, writhing in Castle's arms.

He holds the kid tighter, clamping an arm over his reflexively kicking legs, trying to keep from Kate getting bruised by little feet. She grins and steps in closer, lifting his tshirt with one hand to lay a raspberry on Dashiell's belly.

Dash giggles so hard that he practically wheezes, his head thrown back against Castle's shoulder, hands out and wrapped tightly around his mother's wrists. He tries to clutch at her ears, but Kate keeps his hands out of the way, blows raspberries up to his neck, then kisses his cheek with a loud smack, abandoning the torture.

Dashiell's laughter breathlessly fades, his head lifts, and he gives them both a round, blinking look. "Oh," he says with a sigh. "Even though you're a girl, I love you, Mommy."

Kate rocks back, her eyes flickering to Castle's as if in confirmation, then she wraps her arms around them both, kissing Dashiell's cheek again, softly, then moving her mouth to Castle's, sharing the love, her lips soft and tender.

Castle untangles an arm from his son and wraps his hand around Kate's neck, tugging her upwards, letting the kiss remain light, all too surface, but aware of Alexis and Rafe and the instructors somewhere in the store.

He saw Kate during their lesson, hanging out at the edges, always the one hovering close but not quite able to step all the way in. And then it disappeared, whatever it was, and she was laughing at him and messing around with Dash and trying to surf under Rachel's guidance.

"You okay, Kate?" he murmurs, brushing his thumb over the pulse in her neck as they break apart.

She nods at him. "Tell you later. And you-" She drops another kiss to Dash, being careful to avoid the stitches, now unbandaged and open to the air. "You, little man, have more than made up for that 'girls stink' comment."

Dashiell perks up, reaching for her. Kate takes him but puts him down on the floor, tells him to put on his sandals. When she straightens up, Castle reaches out to cup her elbow in his hand.

"Tell me later," he insists.

She nods. "It's ok. Vickie and Austin. Something. I don't know." She sighs, shakes her head and gives him a better smile, a smile of release. "A feeling, Castle. That's all."

"On!" Dashiell pops his head up, sandals on crookedly, and reaches out for Kate's hand. "Come on, Mommy. I wanna show Ellie that store we found yesterday. Can we take everyone there?"

"Store?" Castle asks, following Dash's lead as he tugs Kate towards the front of the surf shop.

"Halloween store," Kate murmurs.

"Ooh, fun. My kind of place." Castle wriggles his eyebrows at her and drops his hand to her hip, pleased when he sees the amusement enter her eyes again. "Come on, babe. Let's shop for Halloween decorations. I need some fake blood."

"Fake blood! And vampire teeth!" Dashiell drops Kate's hand and races for the front, heading for Ellery and Alexis, yelling out an excited greeting as he also tries to explain where they're going next.

"Tell me later, Kate," Castle insists softly, squeezing her hip so that she looks at him.

She nods, reaches a hand up and brushes his neck, almost like she was aiming for his cheek and missed. But she smiles at him, and that's good.

"Later. I promise."


	60. Chapter 60

She's worried now; she knows it's all over her face. Allie and Rafe need to pick up some things at Wal-Mart in town, and Castle suggest they split up. Kate feels the need to get back to the condo and find out what's going on - her gut instinct is screaming at her. It seems imperative in a way it wasn't only a few hours ago.

But they're having trouble figuring out how to divide everyone up. Clearly, Castle would like nothing better than to stick with Alexis, and Rafe by default, but Dashiell wants to go as well and they need his booster seat. Then there's Ella's car seat which is a pain to move to a new car.

"Actually, Castle, drive me back with the kids, then go meet Allie and Rafe out there. They can get a headstart on their grocery shopping." She raises her eyebrows at him, glances to Allie and Rafe. Everyone seems okay with that, so they fortunately can stop standing around the parking lot in front of the surf shop.

Kate takes Ellery out of Alexis's arms and heads for their SUV, hearing Castle hustling Dashiell along behind her. They wave and call good-byes to Allie and Rafe, and then she's buckling Ella in her carseat and getting in the passenger seat.

While Castle wrestles an excited and chatty Dash into his seatbelt, Kate pulls out her phone and debates texting Vickie. She feels it anxious inside her, welling up, and she glances behind her to Dashiell.

"What's up?" Castle says quietly, looking intently at her. He knows she wanted to talk to him alone; she can tell by the way he capitulated so quickly to the plan.

She waits until he gets behind the wheel and then she reaches across the console and squeezes his thigh, grateful for him. "I feel funny."

"You getting sick?" he asks, eyebrows knitting together.

"No, no. I mean, I have funny feeling. We saw Vicki and Austin, and they were-"

"Off." Castle nods. "I felt that too."

"It feels more than just. . .a strange incident while they were out. It feels. . .brittle."

"Tense. I got that too." Castle meets her eyes for a moment, then turns his head to back out of the parking space. "You want to tell me why this is so important to you?"

"I can't be concerned?"

"No, you can. You're so very good at dwelling there, empathic, with a victim's loved ones. But why this family? Why've they gotten to you?"

She bites her lip, feels his hand drop over hers on his thigh as he steers them out of the lot. "She reminds me. . .I don't exactly know. I just felt some kind of kinship with her. Because she's a fan, because she's a mom, I don't know."

"A fan? You mean, of the books?" He turns and grins at her, but it's not his teasing leer, it's a softer thing that she needs.

"Mm. And there was something - real about her, Castle. It's been hard to find lately."

He sighs and she flips her hand over to take his, squeezing. She doesn't blame him for the way her friendships have dried up; she did that on her own. But the money and the publicity and the hangers-on who are looking for money and publicity, those things make it difficult to find real friends.

"Madison?" he asks quietly.

"Madison is great; she doesn't change." Kate smiles at him, remembers the text. "But you know, she's been in this relationship, and now they're engaged. And she's got the restaurant; she's flying to J's games when she does have free time. So we've been hit and miss for the last few years."

"Soon as we get back to the condo, you should go up there," he says quietly.

She nods, glancing out the window. The mood of before isn't as heavy as it was; the surfing lesson with all her Castle kids, even her big Castle kid, has pulled her up again. As he always does, as her kids always do.

Grateful. Yes. So much.

When he pulls under the overhang at the front doors of the condominium five minutes later, Kate leans over and kisses his cheek with a brush of her fingers along his jaw. "Thanks."

"Of course," he murmurs, giving her that deep smile, eyes crinkled and soft. He turns to the back seat. "Say bye to Mommy, kiddos."

Dashiell bounces in his seat and leans forward, blowing her a kiss. "Bye, bye, bye!"

She grins and winks at him, catching his kiss and pressing it to her heart. "Thank you, baby. See you guys when you get back-"

"I wanna go with Mommy," Ella says suddenly, kicking her feet into the back of Kate's seat to get her attention.

Castle raises an eyebrow, indicating it's up to her, and Kate shrugs. "Sure, cricket. You can come with me." It might make it easier, since she's not sure she's got any right to burst in on Austin and Vicki and demand to know what's going on. But an unannounced play date. . .

When Kate opens the back door, Ellery gives her a wide grin, pushing her hair out of her face. Her round blue eyes track her mother's hands as Kate unstraps her from the carseat.

"Mommy, I did surf."

"You sure did."

Kate lifts her out of the seat and sits Ella on her hip, then blows a kiss back to Dashiell, grinning as the boy catches it and presses it to his chest with a little wriggle, as if he's so very happy for it. "See you later, my little man." Castle waves a salute at her and she smirks back.

She slams the door and heads into the condo, sliding her fingers through the hair at Ella's neck, noting the way it's started to curl just past her shoulders, growing longer in the humidity and sun.

"We need to get you a barrette, don't we? Keep the hair out of your eyes."

"Bet?"

"Barrette," she says slowly, stepping onto the elevator. Should she go straight to Vicki's or stop at their place first, text the woman instead? Hm. Straight to the Farrell's.

"Yes, Mommy, bet. Get it for me."

Kate laughs down at her, then kisses her forehead, pushing the hair back again. "That's right. We'll fix it when we get back to our room. Until then, I could braid your hair."

"You braid my hair?" Ella says, leaning her cheek on Kate's shoulder and fiddling with the strap of her shirt. "Mommy."

"Yeah, baby girl. Here. Get down, and we'll start it." She cups the girl's cheek and lowers her to the elevator car's floor, then rakes her fingers through Ellery's hair, scraping it back from her face. It reminds her of the one or two times she braided Allie's hair, reminds her of how grieving it was to think about Allie not having a mom to play beauty parlor with. She and Ella need to do that while Allie is here, play beauty parlor with all three of them.

Kate takes the strands of hair near her face and starts a tight braid down to her temple; that's as far as she can take it, since the girl's hair isn't quite long enough. Kate uses her teeth to pull the rubber band off her wrist, then wraps it around the end.

"There you go, cricket."

The elevator door chimes and slides open, so Kate nudges Ellery out even as the girl reaches up and gingerly touches her hair.

"Pretty?" her daughter asks, tilting her chin up to look at Kate, all blue eyes and the smattering of freckles kissing her cheeks. She's never had freckles before; it must be the sun.

Kate grins and pulls her phone out of her pocket. "Here, let me take your picture. And we'll post it so Daddy can see it too." She pulls up her instagram app - didn't she promise herself to use the digital camera instead of her phone on this vacation? Oh well. She reaches down to tilt Ella's face away, ever mindful of the publicity, then takes a snapshot of the braid, the curve of her pale cheek, the blue eye and beautiful lashes in profile.

She posts it as the original, then waits for it to load, squatting down next to Ella in the middle of the bank of elevators. The Farrells are on this floor, but now that she's here, she feels the need to slow it down. Take the time to make her daughter happy.

"Here, look. See your braid?" Kate shows her the picture and Ellery's little mouth drops open, lifting a hand to the braid as she gazes intently at the photo. "I think it's beautiful."

Kate's phone chimes at her and she pulls up the messages, grins, holds it out so Ella can see it. "Daddy wrote me. Look. See his big smiley face?"

"Daddy smiling at me?"

"Yup. He said he loves your hair, baby girl." Kate presses a kiss to her temple and strokes her thumb over the braid. "You like it?"

"I want braids all over," Ella says reverently, clasping her arms around Kate's neck. "Please?"

"As soon as we get back. I don't have any more rubber bands. They'll all fall out without rubber bands. Can you wait?"

"Okay," Ella sighs, but her lips lift into another little grin and she clings to Kate's neck as her mother tries to stand. "Uppie."

"Sure," she laughs, juggling her phone and her daughter as she starts down the breezeway. It's the same layout as their floor, just done in blues. The bottom six floors are green, the middle six are blue, and the top floors are white. Like a progressive sign of wealth or luxury.

"Mommy, where we going?"

Kate adjusts Ella on her hip, wrapping an arm under her bottom to get a better grip. "Remember Claire?"

"Claire is bigger than me."

"She is. You're a smart girl." Kate glances over at Ella, smiling at the way her little braid keeps the hair off her forehead and makes her eyes look so startlingly blue. "We're going to see Claire and her family."

"Graham. Tate."

"That's right."

"Um. And the mommy and daddy."

"Vicki and Austin. Good job." Kate searches the door numbers for their condo. "We saw them down in the parking lot and I wanted to visit a little more. Can you play with Claire?"

"I play with you, Mommy." Ella taps her fingers on Kate's shoulder, leans her head down again. She's probably worn out; Kate's not sure how much sleep she actually got, and this is her girl that likes about ten hours every night. Her little Castle sleeper.

And how can she say no to playing with mommy? "We'll see, little cricket."

She finds the Farrell's condo and rings the doorbell, shifting Ellery to her other side. There's a long moment where Kate isn't sure anyone is there, and then suddenly the door swings back.

"You forgot the key-" Vicki blinks, mouth opening in shock. Her eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot, her face haggard without make-up. "Oh. Kate."

"Are you okay?" Kate takes a step forward, her detective training taking over. She's been nervous and wary for the last few hours, but the moment she's close to the problem, a sense of calm comes over her. She knows how to do this. "Vicki. Tell me what's wrong."

The woman lifts a trembling hand to her hair and scrapes it back. The beautiful violet blue of her eyes is made even more sparkling by the sudden swim of tears. Kate steps over the threshold, lets Ellery slide down her leg to the floor, keeping hold of her daughter's hand.

Vicki shakes her head and turns her back on Kate, a silent invitation. Kate shuts the door behind them and brushes the back of her hand to Ella's cheek. "You okay?" she murmurs quietly down to her daughter, even as Vicki heads for the living room. And the drink on the counter.

"Where's Claire?" Ellery says, peeking around the doorjamb to look for the girl.

"Vicki is Claire here?"

"No. No one's here."

Hmm. Kate glances back to Vicki's profile, her hand already around the tumbler, staring into space. Kate ducks her head into the first room on the right, sees Barbies and books and stuffed animals. "Hey, my little cricket. You need to play in Claire's room for a little while, sweetheart."

Ellery glances into the room and then back at Kate. "But-"

"Please, baby. I think Vicki needs a friend."

"I be a good friend."

"Yes, of course you are." She wasn't expecting a solitary woman nursing a drink. She should've left Ella with Castle and-

"It's okay," Vicki says suddenly, as if pulled from a dream. "I'm okay. She's not. . .she'll be fine with us in here."

Kate bites her lip and scoops Ellery back up, heading towards the solemn, fragile-looking woman. "Vicki. Tell me what's happened."

"He's leaving me," Vicki says with a choked growl, her lips twisting into a grim smile. "He's not in love with me anymore, and so he's leaving me."

Kate sucks in a breath, all her training abandoning her. Ellery squirms in her arms and Kate realizes she's holding her too tightly.

Vicki shakes her head, narrows her eyes. "I was using his phone to check email. I was just. . .I do that all the time. And there was a message, a text, and I. . ."

"Let's sit down," Kate murmurs, lifting her hand to Vicki's shoulder, turning her towards the living room's sofa.

Vicki goes, drops down heavily, brushes the back of a hand to her eye, but Kate notices there are no tears.

Ellery climbs off her mother's lap to the floor, picking up a couple of crayons, crawling under the coffee table towards what Kate can see is a blank pad of drawing paper. At least she's busy, and maybe won't be listening so much.

Vicki watches Ella for a long time, then turns her head away, closing her eyes tightly. "God, what is this going to do to my kids?"

Kate's chest twists and she reaches out, grabs Vicki's hands, squeezing tightly. "I don't know," she whispers back, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "I don't know - but they'll be okay. They'll be okay. You'll make it okay. You all can survive this."

Vicki shakes her head once, then nods, lips pressed tightly together. "Yes. Yes, I'll - he loves his kids. He does; I know he does. He says he'll support us-"

Kate squeezes Vicki's knee, shifts to the couch cushion beside her. "What do you need? Tell me what you need."

Vicki gives her a wan smile. "I'm. . .you don't even know me. Thank you for stopping by. I'll be fine-"

"No," Kate says softly, checks on Ella still under the coffee table coloring. "Talk to me. Vicki, where are the kids?"

"With him."

Kate nods, reaches up and brushes her hand over Vicki's shoulder, watching her closely. "Are they coming back here?"

Vicki nods. "I needed. . .to be alone. To lose it, you know? Without them having to watch their mother fall apart."

Kate purses her lips together, her chest squeezed tightly. She wishes she had Castle at her back for this one; she needs her partner. "I know," she murmurs. "Good plan. Smart to get them out of here."

Vicki's eyes drift away, her hand comes up to her chest, clutching at her shirt. She looks dazed.

"Have you had a chance to think?" Kate says quietly, trying to inject both compassion and strength in her voice. Vicki may not be entirely with it right now, but she's got to start thinking long-term, figuring out what to do, protecting herself.

"He was going to tell me when we got home. He wanted to give us one last family vacation," she says softly.

"But you found out." She mentioned an email? _Oh_. Oh, another woman. Oh, God. "There's. . .someone else?"

Vicki squeezes her eyes shut, her breath stuttering. Answer enough.

Kate's mouth twists and she glances away, struggling to keep herself in check. "How are you all getting home?" she says finally, clearing her throat when her voice sounds ragged.

Vicki gives an odd laugh; her eyes flare open, wide and staring past Kate towards the balcony doors. "Yeah. That will be a ride from hell. God, I hadn't even thought of that."

"Driving then," Kate surmises, watching Vicki crumble a little.

"In the van. I guess I'll. . .I can sit in the back with Claire. Have Tate sit up front. No, that won't work. He's got to watch his DVDs. Graham is. . .I hate to put more on him; I think he knows. God. I - but he could sit up front. I'll just. . ." Vicki shakes her head and tears spill over.

Kate pulls out her phone, calls up the browser. "No. That's. . .no. You're not doing that." She starts putting in dates and airport codes. "You're flying home. You can get there before everyone, have some time to yourself. Do what you want to his belongings, right? Front lawn or firepit."

Vicki gives a startled, choked laugh, glances wildly to Kate. "Oh, that's - no. I can't actually. We didn't really have the money for this trip, but-" She breathes out and presses a hand to her forehead.

Kate squeezes her knee. "I'll take care of it, Vicki. You need this. You need to get home first so you can get things started, find a good lawyer-"

"Oh, he wouldn't-"

"Did you think he'd do this either?" Kate lifts her eyebrows, knows it's harsh but there's no room for naivete here. Not when Vicki needs to be thinking about her kids, about saving a future for them. "You let him take the kids back in the van alone. You let him spend some quality time with the family he's breaking apart." _The bastard. _"You let him deal with Tate all on his own, with Graham who probably knows what's going on, with his little ten year old girl who's heart-"

Vicki's face twists again and Kate curses herself for mouthing off. So not the right time. She leans in and hugs the woman hard. She's got to get this together.

"You're going to be okay. You can do this. Let me book the flight. Let you get ahead of this."

Vicki swallows hard. "I couldn't let you-"

"It's a gift. From me," Kate says forcefully. "One fan to another."

Vicki shakes her head again, drops her eyes to Ellery coloring in the floor. "Oh, I can't. Kate. You can't do that."

"It's already mostly done," Kate murmurs, checking her screen again. "Here, I've got you an early flight tomorrow, straight to Little Rock. I've already reserved it in your name." She hovers her finger over the button, waiting on Vicki.

The woman stares at Kate, her eyebrows knitting together, her face twisting. "You. . .thank you."

Kate gives her a strong nod, books the flight. "Leaves at 8:15. I put your email in, so it will send you the itinerary. Need a ride to the airport tomorrow?"

She shakes her head. "I can rent a car."

"Let me give you some cash, just in case-"

"No, no. Oh no, Kate. I'll use his credit cards." And then Vicki gives a little startled laugh at her own words, then grins at Kate. "And maybe then I'll go get some things."

"You do that."

Ellery's suddenly appears at her feet; Kate leans down and scoops her up, holding her tightly, close to her chest. Everything aches, a twisting knot of grief that isn't her own but feels too close, too dark, trapped with her in the room. But the girl against her skin, the little fingers at her neck-

"Thank you, Kate," Vicki says suddenly, crossing her arms around her middle, looking somehow stronger, ready to handle it. And that makes the dark room of grief worth it, worth the way she's slid down into the silent and waiting sorrow.

Kate nods back. "I'll let you. . .I'll leave you to it. You call me if you need anything."

Vicki nods and stands up, leading her out.

* * *

><p>The moment Kate is free of the condo, she calls Castle.<p>

"Hey there, babe."

Her chest tightens. "I need you."

"Kate? Where are you? Are you at the condo?"

"Yes. I need you to come. I-" She closes her eyes, swaying in the middle of the breezeway, Ellery against her chest.

"Okay. Okay, I'm on my way. Alexis, let me have those-"

Kate hears him getting the car keys, finds her eyes drifting open again. She can do this. It's okay.

"You're not hurt, Kate? Ellery's okay?"

She starts walking again. "Yes. Yes, we're both fine. Fine. I'm sorry. Don't panic."

"Kinda late for that, sweetheart. I'm on my way."

She presses the elevator call button, leans against the wall, cradling Ella, the phone pressed to her ear, listening to Castle with last minute instructions, breathing on the other end of the line.

"I'm okay," she protests, finds herself able to get on the elevator when the doors open.

"This has to do with Vicki and Austin."

"Yeah," she sighs, and her throat closes up. She punches the button for their floor, presses her mouth to Ellery's forehead, breathes. She needs Castle. The belief in him - magic and Santa Claus and fate and true love. Wonder. The belief that things work out, that they, themselves, can make magic.

"It'll take me fifteen minutes to get back, love."

"I'm okay," she says again. "Hearing your voice is good."

"Oh, Kate."

"I'm okay."

The elevator is slow, but she needs it. Ellery twists in her grip and watches the numbers light up. "Mommy, we go up."

"Mm," she hums.

"Kate, are you in the elevator?"

"Yeah. Yeah, headed back to the room."

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

The elevator doors open, and Kate jerks forward, anxious to be surrounded by their own stuff, to get away from the rest of it. "He's leaving her."

"Ah. Damn it. What a stupid thing to do."

"Yeah." She swallows hard and heads down the corridor, cradling the back of Ella's head to her chest, needing the contact. Beautiful girl.

"Kate?"

"I just really need you here, Castle."

"I know," he murmurs, his voice that low and rumbling tenderness that strokes through to her soul. "I'll just keep talking until I get there, okay? I won't leave you alone."

"I know you won't." She sucks in a long, steadying breath and pulls the keycard out of her back pocket. "I know you won't."

"Ever."

"Ever," she repeats, swiping the card and opening the door. It smells like them, with sand and sunscreen mixed in with laundry and home. She heads for their bedroom, bringing Ellery with her, but changes her mind. She can't crawl into bed and close her eyes until Castle gets here. She doesn't want to scare her daughter.

"Kate. I love you."

"I know. I have no doubt." She moves to the kitchen bar and settles in a chair, Ellery in her lap. "Ella and I are going to color until you get here. You should hang up and pay attention to the road."

"Make me a picture, Kate."

She hums on a faint stirring of a smile, pulls the bag of markers towards them. Construction paper is next. Ellery immediately latches on to the purple, pulls the top off. "Markers!"

"That's Ella," Castle laughs. "Tell her to make Daddy a Halloween card. Like she made Allie."

Kate feels calmer already, more in control. Every syllable of his voice, every word, is a way of bringing her out of darkness. Dragging her back up into light. He's always been the one to make things okay again. "Hey cricket. Daddy wants you to make him a Halloween card like Allie's."

"Hi, Daddy!" Ellery perks up and leans in towards the phone. "I make a pumpkin."

"You hear that, Daddy?"

"Yeah, I hear it. Kate-"

"I'm okay. I'm good. Let me color with Ella. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Kate," he sighs.

"I love you, too, Rick. More than anything."

She hears him sigh on the phone, relief and in memory, probably. Of how she fought for him that day in his study, how she convinced him she wanted to be there, and nowhere else.

"I'll be there soon, Kate." Resignation in his voice.

"I know." She hangs up and puts the phone on the counter, carefully out of Ella's reach, then takes the blue crayon and draws a cloud on the paper.

"No cloud, Mommy. Sun. Lots of sunshiney."

Kate pauses, lays the blue crayon down. "You're right, baby girl. We need lots of sunshine." She grabs the orange and red, the yellow, and starts making rays of light instead.


	61. Chapter 61

Castle slides his card key out of his pocket, unlocks the door. He hears the wind tunnel that means the balcony door is open, squints against the brilliant light pouring in.

"Kate?"

She comes into view at the end of the hall, a dark profile against the light, her hair in waves to her shoulders, long legs, the round square of her hips. "Castle."

He heads towards her, but she's coming quickly, is pressed against him before he can move more than a foot from the door. Castle cradles her, an arm around her shoulders, his other hand at the back of her head. He strokes his fingers through her hair from behind, pulling it away from her face, brushes his mouth to her temple, under her eye, feathering softness and gentleness into her skin.

She takes a long breath in; he feels her body fill up with it, expanding, and then the long exhale out. He can sense it leaving her like a dark cloud, whatever it was, the sadness or shared burden, the way she has of identifying all too clearly with suffering.

He doesn't talk, doesn't need to. He keeps his arms around her, holding her in the hallway, catches sight of Ellery peeking around the corner. He winks at his daughter, lifts his fingers from Kate's back to give Ella a little wave.

The little girl ducks as if hiding, a grin spreading across her face, then scoots back around the corner. He sees markers in her hand, but he won't chase. Not right now. He'll gladly pay for the damages.

After a moment, he feels Kate's open mouth at his neck, breathing, her eyelashes wet against his skin. He squeezes her shoulders, tries to pull her in tighter, runs his thumb along her jaw.

"He's leaving her," she murmurs.

"He's an idiot."

Kate gives a little laugh, but the sound chokes into grief at the end. He knows it's not just about this family they met and hung out with a few times - even though Kate felt a connection to this woman. He knows it's more than a father choosing himself over his kids, a father abandoning his daughter - even though Kate is tender there too. It's more than that.

But he knows, and he is certain and sure in this knowledge, that it is not deep-seated fears of about his two failed marriages. She's never wondered; she'll never have to wonder.

He knows it is just grief. And how sometimes that grief strikes so quickly, so deeply, and maybe even more painful for the unexpectedness of it. Just sorrow. Grieving for Vicki and the kids and Austin, grieving for the cases that hit too close to home, grieving for her mother. All of it is inseparable for her at times, as if grief were a coat of many colors. Patches get added to the worn-out spots, it's hemmed to fit her new life, taken out to accept new tragedies.

It's just the way she is, because of her mother's murder. Because her closure is elusive.

She breathes again at his neck, shifts in his arms so that she can lay her cheek against his chest, drape her body along his. Castle nudges her with his hips, tries to push her back. She gives a little noise, like she's afraid he might be moving her off.

"Head to the living room. Or the bedroom. Come on, Kate."

She sighs again, turns slowly; he leaves his hands on her hips to propel her forward, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck, her shoulder blade. She snakes her hand around behind her, takes his fingers with her own, pulls his arm around her waist, their hands at her stomach.

When they get to the living room, Ellery is waiting for them on the couch, mystifying little smile on her lips, purple marker in her hand.

"Move over, baby girl," he says, grinning at her. She scoots back, wriggling into the cushions to make room for them. Kate drops down next to her, pulls the girl into her lap, chin to the top of Ella's head. Castle sits but moves to recline, pushing his toes to the end of the couch so he can drag Kate and Ella against his chest, all of them laying down. Ellery giggles and squirms, works herself down to Castle's side while Kate is wedged against the back of the couch.

Kate lays her hand on his chest, drawing circles with her fingertips. He wraps an arm around her, the other around Ella, waits for Kate to speak or gather herself back together.

But she doesn't. She closes her eyes instead, curls into him, and doesn't try to explain.

And that's good. Because he already knows.

Rick brushes his fingertips across her cheek, lifts his head just enough to kiss her mouth, slow and enduring, taking his time to press words into her with his tongue, let her feel all the things good and right with them, push out all the grief.

Her hand curls at his ear, the heel of her palm at his jaw, and she takes. She takes all of it but remains mute.

* * *

><p>When the door bangs open, Kate is almost okay again. Pretty close to good, actually. They've got the television on Masterpiece Theatre and Ellery is in the floor, half-watching while she plays with her pet puppies. Or whatever they are. Dogs with horse tails that she brushes and puts to bed and feeds.<p>

Totoro made an appearance. At some point while they were dog piled on the couch, Ellery wriggled her way out and ran back to her room, allowing Kate to stretch out over Castle, slide her arms around his ribs. When Ella came back, she was clutching Totoro in her arms. She placed the wood troll bunny up near Castle's shoulder and leaned in to her mother with a wet kiss. "Toto help."

So now that Kate and Rick are somewhat more upright, legs tangled together, Kate keeps Totoro tucked in the crook of her arm.

She can hear Allie and Rafe and Dashiell spilling into the living room from the hallway; she turns her head and smiles at them. Dash has made a beeline for Ellery, showing her something that Allie must have gotten him at the grocery store.

Alexis must understand that it's okay, because she deposits her groceries on the counter, brushing a hand across Rafe's back in silent command, and then comes to sit with them on the couch. Kate is amused to see Rafe begin to unload all their purchases, putting things away.

Allie hugs on Kate tightly, squeezing, and Kate smiles back at her, arms going around the young woman's back. They are all tangled together on the couch, and it reminds Kate of all the times they did this when Dash was a baby.

"So what happened?"

"That couple we introduced you to? They're splitting up. It just. . ." Kate trails off, doesn't want to think about it anymore.

"Hit you. I understand," Alexis sighs and then pulls back with a determined grin on her face. "So. Let's go get some sun. Build some sand castles. Bury some other Castles in the sand. . ."

Ellery and Dash both abandon the floor and come running. "Yes, yes, let's go. Please, Daddy?" Dashiell bounces on his feet, grabbing Castle's hand.

Ella climbs up the tangle of bodies and limbs, straddles Kate's ribs. "Beach, Mommy."

Kate wraps an arm around her as well, struggles to sit up with the weight of Castle's arm, Ella's body, and Allie's half-hug.

Dashiell starts climbing now too, working his way in between his parents to sit on Castle's chest. And bounce.

"Okay, dog pile is officially over. Everybody off me." Castle grunts and shoves at Kate, Dash, lifts his legs to dislodge Alexis.

Kate grins, leans over the kids to drop a salty kiss on his mouth. "Never though I'd hear you say that."

"First time for everything," he groans, wincing as Dashiell gets to his knees and tries to make his way to his mother. "Dashiell."

Kate untangles herself, lets Allie take Ellery so she can hoist Dash off his father before he does real damage. Castle lays there a second, feigning immobility, a hand over his eyes, then he gets up, pushing on all of them to get them out of his way.

"Let's go to the beach. We all need some sun. Rafe, you up for the beach?"

At Castle's call, the man's smile grows on his face. He nods back at them. "Still got my swim trunks on. Ready to go."

Kate reaches out and snags Castle's hand, squeezing it tightly. When he turns to her, questions on his face, she leans with an open mouth, takes a kiss from him. Pride fills her, as if she has had something to do with how good this man is, how right, how he works to make them a family.

To keep them a family. Even including Rafe. "I love you," she murmurs, dragging her hand down his cheek.

Allie snorts at them and pushes past to get to the hallway, herding the kids ahead of her. "Let's let Mom and Dad have some kissy-face while we go get ready."

"Not too long, Mommy!" Dashiell calls out as he's being led away. "We gots to go."

Ella escapes, ducking around Allie's outstretched hand to come back to her parents. She crashes into Kate's legs, hugging her hard, and lifts her face to see her mother, chin against Kate's knee.

"I want you to do it, Mommy."

Kate lets go of Castle and leans down to pick up her daughter, nuzzling her cheek, and then blowing a raspberry against her skin. Ella giggles, her hands grabbing Kate's ears as if to stop her, head thrown back in laughter.

Suddenly Castle wraps his arms around them both, presses a hot, dangerous kiss to her mouth, invading her, overriding her senses. Her arms go weak; she feels Ellery slipping, but he's already there, holding her up, holding them both up.

"You're okay. You're fine," he says quietly. "We're all fine."

And she believes him. With her whole heart.

Her family is safe.


	62. Chapter 62

Alexis nudges his hip as they walk down the boardwalk. She shifts the bag to her other shoulder and pushes her sunglasses back to look at him.

"What?" she says, grinning a little at him.

He shrugs. The stubble already sprinkling his jaw makes him look older than he is; she's often gotten looks from grandmotherly types who seem concerned that she's evidently dating such an older man. Of course, she still looks eighteen, the curse of her mother's genetics.

"Just. Your mom," Rafe grins back.

She blanks for a moment, because Rafe has never met her mother. And then she realizes he's not reading her mind at all, he's talking about her mom. The woman who has been her mom for the last five years.

"What about her?"

"She's pretty amazing." Rafe, even under the olive skin, looks to be blushing.

Alexis laughs as they step to the end of the boardwalk and down into soft, white sand. The look on his face makes her laugh again, delighted with him.

"You kind of have a crush on my mom, Rafe?"

He huffs at her, but his cheeks are pink. "Kinda."

She grins widely at him, slips her hand in his. "She's pretty great. And beautiful."

"It's not the - well, sure it could be. But jeez, don't tell your dad that I think his wife is hot. Yeah?"

"Hot?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at him, letting him twist a little.

He narrows his eyes at her. "You know what I mean. Good thing you take after her."

Alexis can't help laughing at that. "You do realize we don't share any genetics, right? Step-mother. . .?"

"I know that. But I think this is a case of nature versus nurture, babe."

"And nurture has won?"

"Most definitely. You act like Kate. I didn't know that until I met her."

She stops at a likely spot; they've gone ahead to save beach space for the rest of the family. Ellery sobbed when Kate accidentally pinched her skin getting her into her swimsuit, so Kate called a break for the kids, made them stop for lunch. So Rafe and Alexis went on down alone.

"How do I act like Kate?" she murmurs, watching Rafe take the towel from her and spread it out. He gestures for her to go ahead and sit, then he opens the umbrella and spikes it into the sand. Evidently he's got to think about this for a minute.

Alexis pulls the sunblock out of her bag and watches the way the sinewy muscles of his arms flex as he rocks the umbrella back and forth to dig it deep in the sand. She's the fairest of all of them, so she'll probably need it as the afternoon goes on, but for now, the kids will probably play under its shade.

She smears more sunblock on the tops of her shoulders, which feel too hot despite the layer of factor fifty she put on in the condo. Then she dabs her nose and cheeks, gets her ears really well.

Rafe drops down next to her in the sand. "Okay. So, for one. You guys roll your eyes the same way."

She grins. "Yeah, even Dad said I did that. Way back. It's handy."

Rafe laughs, low and delicious, nearly in her ear. "Oh really? Well. You've got it down, that's for sure."

"What else?" she asks. It makes her proud to think that she's at all like Kate.

"Mostly. . .that sense of passionate compassion. When you talk about the kids you work with, the way their stories touch you, and not just affect you, but you take it on, you make it a part of yourself. Your mom. . .she looked the same way this morning, when we came in."

Alexis stops fiddling with the sunscreen, watches the ocean break against the shoreline. She hasn't said anything to him about it, but he's picked up on the current of tragedy all on his own.

"Kate's mom was murdered when she was 19," Alexis starts, then has to clear her throat. It does affect her; she does take it into herself. Even this, an event that happened before she knew Kate. Because it's so much a part of who Kate is, and why Kate does what she does.

"God, that's terrible," Rafe says, reaching over to take her hand, curling his long fingers around her palm. His hands are huge compared to hers; she loves how he swallows her up, makes her safe. Like her father.

"It's why she became a cop. It's what. . .started everything, shaped her. Remember when I had that children's psych class last year?"

"Ah, which one?" he laughs.

True. Good point. "With Loeb. The class was on domestic violence and how it affects the victims. He spent a whole semester on how children were different from adults when it came to childhood traumas."

"Oh right, and you got ticked because he never talked about teenagers."

She grins at him, pleased he remembers. He's got everything in his head, memorized like a favorite recipe. He remembers each ingredient and the flavor of their conversation. It's impressive. "I did. But when we did talk about it, he said that teenagers have a combination - both adult and child - and that makes it difficult to treat."

"Ah, so children?"

"They are first and foremost broken-hearted. Guilty. They take it into themselves and assume that the parent is right in whatever behavior he exhibits. So if the parent is right, then the child must be wrong. This brings a sense of worthlessness and guilt, leading to an adult life filled with an inability to achieve success and an innate sense that this behavior is the only way to solve problems-"

"Okay, very clinical. Got it, Allie. And the adult response to domestic violence?"

"Can be complicated by a variety of things. But most often the need to set things to rights. Fix it. It might be to fix whatever it is within themselves that caused the behavior, much like a child, but it also has an outward direction - fixing the other person, or in general, fixing the world. You get a lot of leaders and service professionals this way."

"Huh, so it can, actually, be a driving force for good."

"An obsessive force. Not so healthy."

"And so how does this relate to a nineteen year old Kate?" Rafe asks. Smart man. She loves how his mind works, races along beside hers, faster and faster, speeding to the inevitable conclusion or suddenly switching tracks to wind up at something else, something far more interesting.

"Kate, as a teen, experienced a pretty traumatic instance of violence. Obviously." It feels funny to profile her mom out loud like this, but she's done it again and again in her head. With every new psych class she took, she kept drifting back to Kate, to her own father, to the things which shaped them. Motherless and fatherless. "So she developed that sense of guilt, of bringing it on, and also the need to put it right."

"So it makes for an obsession that can never be assuaged," Rafe says gently, sighing. "That's sad."

"Kate has told me, before, that when she first started. . .well, when she and Dad got together, she felt that she was betraying her mom. Because if she was happy, then it meant her mother's death had brought her that happiness."

"You think she still believes that?" Rafe hooks his arms around his knees, hands clasped together. His dark grey eyes reflect the ocean.

"I don't think she wants to believe it. I think that's why my dad is so good for her. Because he doesn't let her think like that."

Rafe nods slowly. "I could see. . .that your dad fixes it for her, or maybe he just helps her fix it - the world. Because whatever happened to that couple we met, it was broken, and Kate wanted it to be healed, right? And when she couldn't do that, your dad healed it with her. As best they could. Which doesn't sound so great, it sounds strange maybe, but really it's powerful and-"

"It's okay. I think you're right." Alexis shrugs at him, fingers the edge of her towel. "You. . .do the same for me." She sighs on a breath and glances up at him, glad she took her sunglasses off.

Rafe's hand comes to the back of her neck, thumb stroking along her jaw. "Allie."

She shivers, her knees pressed together as she watches his eyes devour her. She's not good saying things out loud, never has been. At least, not things like this. She can say she loves him over and over, no problem. But the more intimate things, the things which touch the vulnerable places. . .she's gotten good at hinting around those things. But after what they've gone through to get here, he ought to know what he does for her.

Rafe leans in and slides the rough grain of his cheek along hers, his mouth at her ear.

"You fix everything - you make it right," he murmurs. She feels the sharp squeeze of his fingers at the nape of her neck and then he's gently sighing against her mouth, touching their lips together slowly.

She didn't know. How could she know? How the world is remade when you love someone.


	63. Chapter 63

Castle corners her in the bathroom as she changes into her swimsuit, the long, naked length of her torso revealed to him in a flash before she ties the top of the two piece around her neck. He sighs, takes over the job from her fingers, adjusts the knot so that it doesn't lay against the vertebra at her neck. He presses his mouth against her cool skin, brushes his hand down her bare side, skirting scars and smooth abs, resting at the waistband of her swimsuit.

"What're you doing?" she murmurs, turning her head to look at him. Her eyes are already that drowsy brown, the pupils dilating even as she speaks.

He dips his fingers beneath the material, grinning when her skin ripples under his palm.

"Wanted to make sure you were okay." She dances an eyebrow up, slides her hand along his forearm. He rests his chin on her shoulder, looking at her in front of the bathroom mirror. "And if you're not okay, I'm offering to help make you okay."

She resonates with laughter, a trembling and low sound that doesn't carry any of the grief she held earlier. He's grateful for that, twitches his fingers to remind her of where he is, what he wants (or rather wants for her), but she grips his arm, shakes her head against his chest.

"Kids are-"

He sighs. "Kids are fine. But yeah." Not entirely responsible, is it? "Still. Later?"

"Oh yeah," she murmurs, turning against him, tugging his arms around her waist to make certain he can't do anything more. How little she knows-

When his hand drifts, she laughs and nudges him away with her hip. "Behave. Allie and Rafe are waiting on us. And the little ones are probably done eating."

"The little ones can entertain themselves." Castle squeezes, feels her sharp intake, all this lovely bared skin, the color in her cheeks.

"I don't want another trip to urgent care," she says, but he can hear the way she clings to control, barely.

But she's right. "Me either, actually." Castle slides his palms up the narrow curves of her waist, warms her shoulder blades with his fingers. He's not exactly crazy with desire, but he'd like to touch her, just. . .just touch her until she falls apart, lets go. A stolen moment in the bathroom will have to do.

He leans in even as she's lifting up on her toes for him; their mouths meet, perfectly aligned, knowing exactly what to do and where to go, how to taste, stroke, which angle to use. It's so easy to make it good, so easy to get it right, and she gives back in equal amount, his skin flushing hot and permeable to her touch.

Kate breaks away from him, her forehead resting against his cheek, her hips bracketed by his. He smooths his hands down her back, over and over, stroking down as if gentling her. She breathes against him, resting, the moment cooling as it goes on.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

He laughs when he feels her startle, cups her neck with his fingers to leave her one last kiss, thoughtful and warm, before letting her go. "Little ones are demanding your attention, Mommy."

She brushes her hands over his hips as she steps back, her lips pressed together, watching him. Then she moves in quickly, kisses him hard, an awkward kiss, noses crashing together, her teeth catching his lip, disconcerting and intense and-

over.

"For later," she grins, then winks evilly at him and heads into the bedroom, grabbing the beach wrap from the bed.

"Later better be sooner," he calls, but follows her out.

* * *

><p>Ellery refuses shoes again, so Castle - like a good daddy - carries her down the boardwalk while Kate holds Dashiell's hand. Her son skips at her side, tugging on her arm, but it truly doesn't bother her like it would have last week. Vacation has been good for her. She smiles down at Dash's excitement, then scans the beach ahead for Allie's shock of red-blonde hair.<p>

She catches sight of Rafe first, dark skin and dark hair, the man's narrow waist flaring into those strong shoulders. Not as wide as Castle, not as solidly built, but she can see why Allie thinks they're so alike. Rafe is on his feet adjusting the umbrella and looking intently at Allie every few seconds or so, as if concerned, while she smears on sunscreen. That's what it is, what Allie sees in Rafe, and in her father - that sense of being aware of her, knowing, able to meet her needs before she knows she has them.

Mm, Castle is very good at that. Like he tried to do in the bathroom. He predicts her needs, like there's a bit of magic in it. Of course, he can be woefully dense, he *is* a man, but he has a surprising capacity for relentlessly understanding her. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Kate hopes she's managed to do the same for him. She's not always certain she's getting it right, but she'd like to think that after five years, she sees him, knows him, knows how to soothe, how to inflame, how to carry him when he needs to be carried, how to let him carry her when he needs that too. Lately, they've entered into this balance where he's up and positive when she's down, and then when she's solid again, he's the one crashing.

Dash catches sight of Allie as well, starts urgently pulling his mother forward. She feels Castle's laugh at her back, a confirmation that he sees them too, so she lets Dash have at it, releasing his hand to let him race ahead, Kate only a few steps behind him.

Rafe turns just in time to catch the little guy, grabbing him before he can spray sand all over the carefully arranged beach blanket. Allie's on her towel, but she gets up, shading her eyes with a hand as she looks for her father just past Kate's shoulder. She slides her sunglasses back down on her face, redoes the ponytail. Hm, looks finger-mussed. Male finger-mussed. Kate's glad they've had some time alone.

"Mommy, I found them," Dashiell crows, wriggling in Rafe's easy grip. "I found them. Here they are!"

"Here they are," she echoes, and smiles at Allie, takes Dash away from Rafe. "Settle down a little, kiddo. You're flinging sand around."

"You got a good spot," Castle says from behind her, coming over the sand with Ellery in his arms. The girl leans out for Kate, so she takes her, hugs her a moment before setting her down on the blanket. Ella starts digging her feet into the sand, even through the blanket, making little hills and divots with her heels and toes. She reaches out to grab an adult's hand - it happens to be Rafe's - and then she starts jumping from blanket to towel and back to blanket, around and around Rafe.

Kate shakes her head, trying to indicate to the man that he doesn't have to play human tetherball pole with Ella, but he just shrugs at her. Dashiell is pulling beach toys out of the bag that Castle has dumped in the sand under the umbrella, and Alexis is trying to interest him in building sand creatures with her. Kate sees a smear of sunblock on Dashiell's ear and is pleased; sometimes she thinks her husband is rolling his eyes at her when she tells him to sunscreen the kids' ears.

Castle has his hands on his hips, watching Dash and Allie, and Kate is standing at the edge of the blanket, her eyes on him now, and she realizes that her kids are under control, and being looked after, and she and Castle are-

Well, she was thinking superfluous, but now she's thinking-

free.

She reaches out to pull a hand off his hip and laces her fingers through his, her body warm and flushed under the sun, growing ever hotter when he turns his eyes on her. They both are wearing sunglasses, but they might as well not be. After five years, she knows exactly how he's looking at her.

"Wanna swim with me?" she says, widening her eyes as oh-so-innocently as she can behind her frames. "Go get wet."

He must know, or see through her, because he gives her that wolfish grin and squeezes her hand. "I always wanna get you wet."

"Dad," Allie groans, on her knees beside Dashiell, reaching out to slap his calf. "Seriously."

"Hey now, I don't complain when you two do it," he says, raising his and Kate's joined hands to gesture between Allie and Rafe. Kate wonders if he knows how that sounded, and right when she meets Allie's eyes with a smirk, Castle groans and shakes his head. "No, no. Okay. Not what I was-" He wipes a hand over his eyes, peers between his fingers at his oldest.

Kate steps in closer, bumping her hip into his to shut him up. "Allie, you and Rafe mind watching them while we swim?"

"We got it. And we'll forget you said that, Dad." Allie gives her boyfriend a wide, innocent look that Kate realizes looks far too much like the look she just gave Castle. Oh, not good. She needs to distract Castle right now.

"Let's go, Rick," she says, pushing on his hip to get him moving. "Before they change their minds. Or one of the little ones pitches a fit."

Castle follows after her, and she's glad the air of injured father leaves him so quickly. It means he's thinking about her, and not about his daughter. It means he's thinking about getting wet.

Getting her wet. She grins and bites her lip, catches up to him so she can see his face.

"Hey there, baby," she murmurs.

"You say that and you have no idea what it does to me," he growls in her ear, herding her towards the water.

She lets herself be corralled, tries to avoid his hands (not in front of all these people all these little kids), reaches the water before he does, shivering as a curl of water laps at her feet.

"All in, Kate," he calls out with a laugh, wading in, passing her as he goes deeper.

"It's cold," she mutters. It's not that cold, but it isn't a warm bath. Goose bumps race across her shoulders, down her legs; the stir of water around her feet like a wet, cold kiss.

Castle stops in waist-deep water, waiting on her, but when he sees she's not moving, he heads back for her, picks her up by the waist and carries her forward until he's dragging her against the water. Kate yelps, drawing away from the cold slap of a wave, but Castle's already got her in up to her belly button, still pulling her in.

"No, no, wait," she gasps. Half-hearted struggling, because she knows he's right - just have to go for it and warm up with some swimming - but she clamps her hands around his on her waist, his skin as cold as hers but already heating her up.

"Ready? Because I'm about to toss you in."

"No!"

"One."

"Don't you dare - not again-"

"Two."

"Castle!"

"Three-"

And before he even finishes three, which she was preparing herself for, bracing herself for, Castle is already jumping towards the massive wave headed their way, dragging her into the crest with him, pulling her down so that they both sink underwater, churned by the force of the wave.

He pushes her back up, swimming up himself, her head breaking before his does, bobbing in another swell as she treads water. Castle comes up in front of her, wiping his eyes, then grins. Her feet can't touch, but it looks like his can.

She slaps his shoulder, shivering, but already getting used to it.

"You did say you wanted someone to dive into it together-"

She laughs, feels the heat rushing through her because he remembers, even after all this time. He knows her. Has paid attention to her. He always does. Kate grabs his arm, pulling herself to him through the water, wrapping an arm around his neck, grinning at him.

"Can you touch the bottom?"

He nods, that smile sliding across his face. He's pleased with himself. "Uh-huh."

"I can't touch."

"I know," he grins.

"What happens when I get tired?"

"That's what you've got me for," he says. His hands slide around her waist, her body drifting with the swell of the waves, but he keeps her anchored to him. "Feel free to wrap your legs around my waist."

She narrows her eyes at him. He's asking for it.

"I think I have a cramp," she pouts. Kate pulls herself even closer, lifts her knees, slides her legs around him, squeezing tight. He gasps, shivers, totally melodramatic, and she grins even wider. She kinda loves that. The way he overreacts, as if amusing her is half the fun. Or just amusing himself. Goofy, amazing man.

She presses her chest against his, feeling a lot like a starfish clinging to an oyster, trying break inside. Hmm, octopus, sea stars, long limbs. Kate grins to herself and nibbles on his jaw, blowing against his wet cheek. He shivers this time for real, his palms spread against her back, encompassing skin and pushing her hair out of his way.

"Hey baby," she murmurs and rocks against him.

Castle grunts and buries his mouth against her neck, biting.

She lifts a hand and scrapes her hair off her face, giving her the chance to tilt her head back, blink at the wide blue sky overhead. The buoyancy of water. The sounds of kids laughing. Castle's tongue at her jaw. His body between her legs. She drops her hand back to his shoulder, curls over him to get at his ear again. Something about the soft skin there, the hard line of his jaw against hers, the little moans he makes when she traces the shell of his ear with her tongue.

"Kids are probably watching," he mutters, and suddenly they are lower in the water. He must have bent his knees, she's got ocean up to her chin; it hides them, just a little.

"No one's watching. We're pretty far out," she murmurs back, glancing past him to the wide horizon.

"You're not helping my self-control, Beckett," he growls and she jerks against him, heat cramping tightly in her gut, flaring along her legs.

"Don't call me that," she half-laughs. "You know I can't-"

"I know, oh I know," he says, his mouth at her collarbone, through the water itself, the hot burn of his tongue competing with the sting of water. How can he possibly breathe like-

oh.

Oh, she doesn't care.

"More," she moans, tries to get a hand between them without dislodging the way she's pressed-

"Kate," he gasps, grabs for her hand, squeezing. "None of that."

She grunts and slides her fingers through his hair instead, clutching, pulling his mouth to hers, trying to level out the burn, keep them on the ground. Or well, in the water. Or. . .her brain doesn't do metaphor when he's licking her throat like that-

And that. "Jeez, your mouth is magic," she mutters.

He pulls back, laughing, dissolving the intensity of the moment but giving them both the chance to keep from racking up charges of indecent exposure. "Magic, huh?"

She might be blushing; she didn't exactly have control of her mouth when she said that. But. It's. . .true. "You did always seem so disappointed when I didn't believe in all that stuff. Well. Now I do. It's you." She grins widely at him, hears _magic man_ in her head. Her mother played that song. _Try to understand, he's got magic hands._ Oh my, yes.

Castle brushes a thumb across her cheek, skimming under her eye - her mascara must be running, even though it's supposed to be waterproof-

"I love the way you look at me," he murmurs, and his thumb scrapes at the mole on her cheek. She watches the absorption in his face, the way his eyes travel over her skin, reading everything in her eyes, as if looking for the clue, the key to her mystery.

"I love looking at you," she says back, cupping his face in her hands, propping her elbows on his chest to keep herself upright in the roll of waves over them. Water comes up to her mouth; he holds her up, still half-spellbound by her. Kate leans in and touches her lips to his, gentle, watches how very blue his eyes are as they swim in love for her.

Too much. He's too much, and it somehow both breaks her heart and fills her heart to the brim, overflowing. She bites her lip, watching him, and then lightly slaps at his cheeks, trying to shake off the solemnity of the moment.

"No more make-out sessions in full view of the kiddos, okay?" She huffs at him. "I can't keep my hands off you."

He smiles at that, still tender and adoring though, shakes his head at her. "You're adorable. You know that? It's adorable when you do that."

She rolls her eyes, but that thrills her too. Because he's said it before, in other situations, when they've been in different circumstances. When they were still finding their way. It's one of the truest things about them, the words they've said to each other over the years - words they couldn't help saying, words that slipped out, words that meant more than the surface things they said.

She searches his eyes for the right words now, for a way to say exactly what she means and also, to reference the long history of push and pull between them. Those are the words that matter the most to him, to her, that show him he wasn't the only one paying attention.

Kate drops her legs from his waist, leans in closer to him, her cheek against his. She can't think of anything, can only feel how he is everything, just everything, and she'd never recover if he-

She lets her mouth hover over his, her hand at his cheek, noses brushing. The water lifts them both, pushes her lips up to glance off his. She brushes soft, light kisses against his mouth, their breath mingling.

"I love you. I love you and you make all of this extraordinary."


	64. Chapter 64

Kate stretches in the beach chair that Castle bought when he was with the kids in town; much better this way. She props the ipad on her knees and glances over at him, digging in the sand with Dashiell, the two heads close as they work. Rick has sand on one cheek, down the back of his arm; he uses a bucket to shape towers for their son while Dash makes explosion noises and drops his green army men into the holes they've made.

Rafe and Allie have taken a long stroll on the beach, still not back yet, and Ellery is only a few feet away, squatting at the edge of the water line, playing with shells in some complicated and intricate way. The little girl has shoved away her older brother more than once, trying to keep him out of her game; Kate can't help but be amused at the intensity of her expression and the seriousness of her play.

Biting her lip, Kate notices the pink flush along her daughter's little leg, leans forward and pushes her sunglasses up. Just a blush, but-

She flips the cover over the tablet and slides it into the beach bag, then grabs the plastic bag of sunblock, fishes out the BullFrog - which smells horrendous but stays on so well they have a hard time washing it off in the bath. "Ellery," she calls, getting to her feet.

Her daughter turns and gives her a mean look, clearly ticked at being interrupted. Kate grins and heads towards her, popping open the sunblock, dropping down to sit beside the girl, brushing sand off her daughter's forehead with a gentle swipe.

"You're getting pink, cricket."

Ellery glances down at her swimsuit, then lifts a look to her mother, eyebrow raised. So inclined to assume everyone else is wrong, and not herself. So like Kate. A little frightening, that innate self-assurance.

"Come here," Kate murmurs on a laugh, shaking her head. "Look."

Ella lets her mother take her into her lap, watches Kate's fingers as she rotates Ellery's leg and shows her the pink at her calf. "Why pink Mommy?"

"The sun. We need to put some more sunblock on; I think it's gotten rubbed off in the sand. Or the water."

"It's sticky," Ella says, making a face.

"It is. To keep the sun from getting you." Kate squeezes the yellowy-white cream out onto her hand and slathers Ellery before she can decide against cooperating. The girl sits still, enduring, until Kate's managed to get both legs covered and her little neck as well. Then she squirms away.

"No, no, Mommy."

"Let me get your face," Kate says, catching her by the arm. "Just a little bit more."

Ellery jerks her head away, but Kate wraps her arm around her daughter, pulls Ella against her chest to hold her still.

"If you fight me, it'll end up in your eyes," she warns.

Ella growls but stops struggling; Kate rubs a little bit into her cheeks, smears it along her forehead, goes for her ears again. Ellery sighs and opens her eyes, looking up at her mother.

"No like it."

"Use your big girl words, not your baby words."

"I use words I want."

Was that defiance? Kate raises an eyebrow at her; Ellery's little jaw is set, intent and a little bit, just faintly, nervous. About Kate's reaction.

Hm.

Kate slides her fingers around Ellery's belly, then ruthlessly tickles her, curling around her little body to keep her in place, trapped, laughing as Ella squeaks and giggles and squirms against the assault.

"Use the words you want, huh?" Kate teases, digging her fingers into Ella's knees now, squeezing, making the girl shriek with laughter, her back arching to get away, helpless with breathlessness.

"Mommy - Mommy!"

"You asked for it, Ellery Kate."

Ella gasps and her eyes open as Kate's fingers still, her little arms reach up and curl around Kate's neck, her fingers clutching her mother's hair, their faces close and foreheads touching. She lays in Kate's lap, sucking in her breath and still giving little laughs, those blue eyes so deep and clear and beautiful as they regard her.

Kate kisses her nose, tastes sunscreen on her lips and wipes her mouth with a smile as she pulls away.

"Hey, baby girl."

"Hey, Mommy. No more tickles."

"No more." Kate gives her a chance to calm down, then gets her back up, standing her on her feet in the sand. "Whatchya playing?"

"My shells."

"Oh?" Kate watches Ella turn back to her game; the girl picks up a grey and black piece of shell, hands it to Kate with a solemn look.

"This one."

"This one?" Kate takes it from her, cradling it in her palm, this little thing her daughter finds such meaning in.

"It's dark."

"Oh." She fingers it and watches Ellery's face. "It's dark." Oh-kay.

Ella seems to understand her mother's confusion because she gets on her knees and cups her hands around Kate's palm, peering down at the shell in the cave made by her fingers. Kate glances up to see if Castle is watching - maybe he'll have some insight - but he's not; she looks back at her daughter, wondering what she's doing.

Ella looks back up with a little, tight grin, sly and knowing. "It's dark in there."

Kate grins back, biting her bottom lip. "I see. It is dark. What else do you have?"

Ellery takes the shell back, carefully lines it up in its place, then picks up a curving white piece, riddled with tiny holes. She hands it to her mother with a beaming smile. "It's got stars."

"Stars."

Ellery picks it up off her mother's hand and uses two fingers to hold it up against the sun, squinting, one eye closing, then the other, back and forth. Kate puzzles for a moment, then realizes Ella is looking at the light coming in through the holes in the shell.

"Oh, I get it." Kate grins and takes the shell from her, then does the same, looking at the bright spots that come through the shell.

Ella takes it back and puts it in the row, then hands Kate another one. "Mommy's."

"Oh? This one is mine?"

She nods, something like hesitance flushing over her face, settling in her eyes. Kate takes the shell tenderly and leans in, kissing Ella's little cheek for that cautiously adoring look. She wonders, for just a moment, if she looked at her own mother this way. Hopes so, fervently, because seeing that look on Ella's face is amazing.

"Tell me about it."

The shell Ella has handed her is a mollusk half-shell with a ridged and curving flare, a rounded hollow like a shallow bowl. The shell is mostly black with swirls of brown that are nearly golden.

"It's pretty," Ella says suddenly, reaching out to the shell and smoothing her finger over the ridges, following the lines. "Like you, Mommy."

Kate leans in, cupping Ella's neck, kisses her quickly on the lips with a little laugh. "My beautiful girl. Thank you."

Ella looks so pleased, her face shining with pride, and she leans in to Kate, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck. Her wet kiss lands on Kate's mouth, fierce and childlike, then she pulls back, grinning widely.

"Love you, Mommy."

"Love you too, cricket." Kate takes her back for a tight hug, rubbing her briskly, wet hair and sandy swimsuit, then puts her away. "Want some help looking for seashells? We can walk down the beach together."

"Yes!" Ella throws up both hands, beaming, then turns back to look at her shells. "Oh."

"We'll put those in my bag, Ella. So nothing happens to them."

"Oh yes," Ella says, turning hopeful eyes back to her.

"Come on, gather them all up and we'll put them away, safe."

Kate leans over and helps Ellery collect her shells, watching the girl's face as her daughter handles them reverently. Kate can't remember ever being like this as a girl, treasuring something so much, but it reminds her of how Ella will sneak off with their possessions, squirrel them away in hiding places all over the loft.

And these are things not necessarily with value or shine, but things with meaning. All these collections. There must be reasons behind them all - the phone charger, Kate's wedding ring, one of Dash's baseball cards - these various things she's been caught with over the past few years.

Kate holds open the beach bag, unzips the inside pocket to take out her phone, dump it back into the main compartment. "Put them in here and we'll zip it up."

Ellery pours her treasures down into the little pocket; Kate zips it closed.

"All right. Go ask Daddy if we can borrow a bucket to put our treasures in, everything we find."

Ella bounces up and runs to her father, putting a little hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Kate watches as Castle turns immediately, his whole being shifting focus from the thing he and Dashiell are creating in the sand back to his little girl.

Ellery has never taken more than one or two things of Castle's, in all this time. Usually things that cause Kate to come looking for them - like the keys she needed. She can't remember a single thing that Castle absolutely had to have, even though Ellery has done that to Kate many times - her phone, her badge, a note.

But maybe she's seeing why, right now. Because Castle knows how to make Ellery the center of his world - just as he does for Kate, for Dash, for Alexis. His passion and loyalty and intensity of focus come to bear on them and there's no room for doubt or anxiety, no need to wonder.

No need to act out for his attention; she'll always have it.

Kate sighs, drags wisps of hair out of her eyes as a breeze dances over the beach. Ellery comes back to her with a bucket, holding it up for her inspection.

"Very good, cricket."

Dashiell has always made himself known; he's often as direct and up front about his needs as Castle is. No mistaking what he wants. Ellery is different; Ella is reserved and quiet and watchful. Her needs are more complicated than Kate expected, require more digging, more focus.

She'll just have to start paying better attention. Starting now.

Kate reaches down for her daughter's hand, squeezes the little fingers. "Let's go look for seashells, Ella."

"Oh, yes, Mommy."


	65. Chapter 65

Castle waits until Kate and Ella are mostly gone from view, then he turns back to Dashiell, the boy nearly to his chest in the deep hole they've dug. The pit for the sand beasts. The sand beasts which will commence terrorizing the green army men at any moment, so long as Dash is happy with the depth of his pit.

"Okay, my man, now that Mommy can't overhear-"

"My party."

"Your party. What were you thinking?"

"The chainsaws were good, but I guess no chainsaws?" Dashiell lifts a hesitant face up to him, eyes squinting. Castle can't remember where the kid put his sunglasses.

"Yeah, I think chainsaws might be too much. For Ella at least. She acts tough, but I think it scared her."

"She had bad dreams."

"She tell you that?"

Dash nods, goes back to scraping out sand with both hands, being careful not to fling, like Castle has been reprimanding him all morning. Good boy.

"What else can we do, Daddy? If not chainsaws."

"Well, you don't *have* to have a Halloween birthday party. We've just always done it like that."

"But. . .well. . .what else would it be?" Dash pauses in his work, wipes at a trickle of sweat on his chest only to smear sand across his skin instead. "If not Halloween. It can't be Christmas."

Castle laughs and puts his feet into the pit with Dash. "Actually, kiddo, most people's birthdays aren't holidays. Unlike yours and Ella's."

"Oh. What do they do?"

"They have cake. And ice cream. Like you. And a theme."

"A theme. Like a book?" Dashiell looks incredibly reluctant to pursue this kind of party, a book party. Castle can barely keep from laughing again, imagining what horrors of literacy are going through the kid's head.

"Not. . .well, no. Not like a theme in a book. I mean, a theme for the party. Like cowboys. Or princess-"

"Ew. Not even Ella wants a princess party." Dash shudders, and Castle has to actually bite his lip and turn his head to hold it in.

"Right. Not princess."

"Not cowboy either, cause I did that already." Dashiell resumes scooping, puts the sand on Castle's thigh instead of on top of the pile he's made, tilts his head back to laugh at his father, a wide grin across his face, eyes crinkling just like Castle's. Kate always says the kid looks like him, but at this moment, he truly sees it.

Castle leaves the sand on his leg, wriggling his eyebrows at his son. "So what then?"

"I don't know. I like the scary stuff, but I like Ellery more."

Heart clenching, Castle grabs hold of Dash's shoulder, tugs the boy over to him for a big hug, maybe squeezing too tight, but he can't help it. Castle kisses his cheek, even though he knows Dash feels too old for this, and only consents to his mother's kisses under duress. "Good boy." He can feel the kid's confusion, and slight long-suffering, but he doesn't have the words to say what it means. "You're a wonderful brother, Dashiell."

The boy squirms away, giving Castle a strange look, then shrugging. "Sure, Daddy."

Castle laughs and musses Dash's hair, pushing it out of his eyes. "You are. It's good to think about your sister, but it's even better to love her more than your chainsaws."

Dashiell gives a bright laugh and ducks out from Castle's hand. "Course I do. Ella's better than chainsaws. Even if she always takes my spiderman. And my army men. And my-"

"Okay, all right, kiddo. So. If there's no chainsaws, if there's not even Halloween, what kind of party do you want?"

Dash bends over to scoop out more sand. He seems content to just keep digging, all day long, to never start the battle of army men versus sand beasts. He must like the exertion, the feel of the wet sand, the heavy work. After a moment where Castle can tell the kid is thinking, thinking hard, tongue sticking out, Dashiell sighs and shrugs his shoulders, climbing up out of the pit gracelessly.

He falls next to his father, sweaty and sandy and looking all enthusiastic little boy. "I know exactly."

"Okay. Lay it on me, Dash."

"I want a dinosaur party. With a dinosaur that will eat people up. Like in your stories." He opens two arms wide and then chomps them together, slapping his hands as he growls. "Nom. Nom."

Castle grunts, tries to smother his laughter. "Ah. Well. Dinosaurs aren't alive anymore."

"Oh."

"They're extinct."

"Yeah." Dash screws up his face, thinking on that one too.

"I could get you dinosaur decorations. And probably a dinosaur pinata. But. . .a dinosaur to eat people? That doesn't exist. Unfortunately. Because you're right, that would be very cool."

"No T-rexes."

"Yeah. No T-rexes. What do you really want at your party if you can't have T-rex?"

Dashiell frowns. "How about a party with just all mine people?"

The slip into baby talk makes Castle's chest expand, warm with memory; this is one of Dash's phrases. A Dashism, as Kate calls it._ All mine people._ He said it one Christmas when everyone was together; he'd just turned two and he had an arm hooked around Kate's neck as she was trying to take him upstairs to use the potty. Dash was afraid everyone would be gone when he got back, but Kate kept telling him everyone would be there, waiting for him.

When Dash came back down with a huge grin on his face, he threw up both hands and announced, "All mine people, I peed in the potty!" And of course, everyone made a fuss over him and he was spoiled rotten that day. But the Dashism has stuck - mostly because he and Kate say it all the time.

Castle pushes a hand through Dashiell's hair, remembering the two year old so proud of himself, and the baby he held for the first time in the hospital, all those moments in between then and now. "Well, except for Gram and Papa, all your people will be there."

Dash grins up at his father, looking relieved. "That's all I want. And some cake."

Of course.

"Actually, Daddy, a lot of cake."

* * *

><p>When Alexis and Rafe wander back to the blankets, Castle and Dash have made a pit deeper than Dash is tall, and they've also been warned by two different beach employees of the condominiums that they'll have to fill it in before they leave. The second guy even pulled out a barricade - a bright orange cone - to put in front of the pit.<p>

His daughter lifts her eyebrows and laughs at them. "Well, Dad, looks like you and Dash are getting into trouble?"

"A little bit. But it's all good now. Look, they gave us a cone." Which Dashiell has been using as a megaphone. Kate's gonna kill him if she finds out Dash has had his mouth pressed against the orange, plastic thing.

Dashiell grins too and jumps up and down in his pit, his eyes and hair peeking over the top as he waves at Allie and Rafe. "Look how deep it is. It swallows up whole armies!"

"It's a trap then?" Rafe asks, coming closer. Castle can see the interest on his face. Yeah, he's liking this guy more and more.

"It's a pitfall, Daddy says. A pit-fall. Isn't that cool? Cause it's a pit. And they fall in. Perfect word."

Castle still finds it completely delightful that his son loves words so very much. He often leans towards puns, much like his father, but he's got enough of his mother's intelligence behind his interest to make him have a fascination with anything that means more or less than it should. He's often seen Dashiell pitch a fit over a word that didn't mean what it was supposed to mean.

Like infinitesimal. Dash was quite upset that a word as cool sounding as that didn't mean the biggest number imaginable, but the exact opposite - the smallest amount before reaching zero. Dash said it wasn't fair. He has feelings about words, much like Kate does. Castle? Not so much feelings, but a large vocabulary and a strict command.

Which he likes to use on his kid. And his kid likes to hear. They play well together. Castle is pretty thrilled with his kids, honestly. How often does that happen to parents? And really, to have Alexis, and then Dash? And Ellery. . .the girl is so much like her mother that there's no way he'd *not* be enthralled. She never has to speak another word, and Ella would have him.

"Okay, so when the sand beasts get to the pit, why won't they just go around?" Rafe is asking, laying on his stomach, elbows propping him up to peer down into the hole, and Dash as well.

The boy looks concerned for a moment, then laughs. "Because sand beasts, even though they're way huger than my army men, they're still way tinier than my pit. And they're kinda dumb. They're beasts."

"So they won't see it as a pit? What will it look like to a sand beast?" Rafe fingers an army man set up on the far perimeter. In a kind of crumbling tower that Dash built.

Castle waits, watching the kid to see if he can think outside his own perspective, come up with a rationale for why sand beasts would be tricked.

"Well. . ." Dash says slowly, then wanders around in the sand pit for a moment, looking at it critically. "It's so huge. It. . .it. . ." Dash glances up at Castle for help, mouth parted in frustration.

"Come up here and get down on your stomach and see what it looks like from the sand beast's eyes," Rafe says, reaching a hand down to Dash.

Dashiell glances from Rafe's hand to his father; Castle nods. The boy scrambles up without any help, but he lies down next to Rafe at the edge of the pitfall, propping his chin in his hands like Rafe is doing. Little mirror.

"So now what does it look like?"

"A. . .dark space."

"Does it look like a hole?"

"Sorta."

"Imagine if you were even smaller. Because your sand beasts over there are about the size of my fist. So they have small eyes." Rafe makes a fist and holds it out in front of them, his crooked thumb moving up and down like a mouth. Dashiell laughs and grabs the fist, but Castle can tell he's looking still.

"It could look like a big lake. A dark place of water. Or even. . .well, if I slope the edge, then they won't even notice they're walking right down into it until it's too late. Like when Daddy takes me out in the ocean to the content bookshelf."

"The what?" Rafe asks, glancing up at Castle.

Rick laughs, grinning down at Dash. "Continental shelf, kiddo. That's what drops off so suddenly out there, where you can't reach. Where I can't reach either."

"You take him out that far?" Alexis asks from her beach towel, a look on her face that Castle labels. . .maternal. Damn. He's going to have grandkids in no time, isn't he? God, that makes him feel old. Not even Kate makes him feel old, but this. . .

"Dash is a good swimmer, and he obeys the rules. Right buddy?" Can't hurt to allay Alexis's worry, just a little, even if it does sound like she's questioning his parenting. She's not. She's just used to making decisions for teenagers who are struggling, runaways and drug addicts and miserable kids; she's been the one to mother them all, tough love them. So she tends to do this.

"So let me slope it, Rafe. You help me?" Dashiell slides back down into his pitfall, grinning as he turns to look at the marks his bottom made in the sand, how he's collapsed one side of it. "Just like that. Slopes. Cause the sand beasts will see a little hill, and not a huge, huge, HUGE pitfall."

Rafe sits up, moves around the pitfall, which is rather wide, Castle has to admit. The man dangles his feet in and starts scraping back sand from the edge.

"Might have to move the cone," Castle says with a laugh. "We're basically making it bigger."

Dash throws up both hands. "HUGER!"

"Yeah, buddy. To get a gradual slope, pretty much *way* huger."

Dash jumps up and down in his pit. "Daddy, this is the best ever." His sandy, wet arms come around Castle's legs, squeezing tight. "Can we push the girls in?"

Castle laughs. "No. Pitfalls are just for sand beasts."

But the thought was tempting, just for an instant.


	66. Chapter 66

Rafe pushes a hand through his hair and studies the pitfall. Huh. He's taken to calling it that as well, hasn't he? He walked up with Allie thinking it was a huge hole, and probably dangerous, and now he's thinking it's a clever trap for sand beasts, forget about humans.

How exactly does Richard Castle do this? It's fascinating. There must be a recipe; everything has a recipe. Steps to take.

List the ingredients: sandy beach, plenty of time, warm sun. Willing participants. A boy under five (for a little while yet). Imagination. Suspension of disbelief. A combined perception that the boy's view of the world is best left intact, shimmering, naive, pure. The effort of an adult or two who will take on that world and help strengthen it.

How much of each, and how little. How long to let the pot boil, how much heat.

Rick Castle has called time, determined the pitfall is definitely perfect for the plight of the sand beasts, and here it is - a delicacy. A succulent new dish. A completed work. More than just a pitfall. Somehow also a symbol and monument to the best in childhood.

While simultaneously *creating* that very childhood.

Richard Castle may be known for his books, but Rafe is beginning to understand how he is also known for so much more (at least to his family and friends). Known for the world he builds around himself, and how he has pulled these women into it - his daughter, his mother, his wife (third wife, interestingly, so the first two. . .what? Were never invited into that world, apparently. And as an interesting tangent, why her? Why did Kate get invited in, but not the others? What are the ingredients for that recipe?)

Pulled in Rafe to this world as well, if he's honest. He just spent an hour expertly digging a hole in the sand. A hole. Which, even in his head, he has renamed a pitfall and filled it with ravenous sandbeast-eating creatures of the deep. Leviathans, he told Dash.

Rafe was entirely too proud of himself when he came up with that one and the kid latched on to it, repeating it over and over under his breath, delighted and amused and wondrous. Entirely too proud. Both of them. Even Rick Castle looked proud, which only fed Rafe's sense of ego.

He's still proud. Ha. He made a four year old like him, and in the process, his girlfriend's father like him as well.

And his girlfriend's father somehow reached out and claimed him. Rafe still can't understand how he did it with these limited ingredients, though the wonder of a child definitely has a potent effect on the concoction, he can't forget that. (But his family, his large family, has kids as well, cute kids, and this hasn't happened in the reverse. There are no worlds built there.)

Will he be able to do the same with his kids? Allie will; she envelops everyone in her bright vision, even as she realistically understands its. . .pitfalls.

Ah, he's sunk. He's gone to the dark side. His momma kept telling him to bring Allie home, bring Allie home, but he made the crucial mistake of not preparing either of them for that meeting, and his mother like Allie and Allie liked her, but there wasn't magic, here's the magic, and now-

Now, Rick Castle has made room for Rafe in their world. And he wants to stay here.

Dashiell tugs on Rafe's hand. "Come on. You said-"

"Yeah, of course. Let's ask." Rafe hoists the kid up, carefully swinging him over the lovingly created sloping sides, lets Dashiell climb out of the pitfall. Dash turns and watches Rafe anxiously as he attempts to do the same, without also ruining their work.

He makes it, ridiculously pleased with himself for not accidentally caving in a side, then follows Dashiell to where Rick and Allie are scanning the beach for sight of Kate and Ellery - the two went off on a seashell expedition.

Rick turns when Dashiell calls out; Rafe stands behind Dash feeling about as old as a four year old himself.

"Can Rafe take me in the ocean, Daddy?"

Rafe steps forward, nods when Rick shoots him an inquisitive glance.

"If that's okay with Rafe, my man."

"He said yes!" Dashiell shrieks, jumping up and spinning around to Rafe. "Let's go." Dashiell takes off at a mad sprint straight for the waves.

Rafe runs after him, catching him by the arm, the funny thrashing in his heart beginning to slow. The flag has been changed since they arrived earlier, and the waves are bigger, the current stronger, but Dashiell wanted to go in and get all the sand off.

And Rafe wants his girlfriend's little brother to keep liking him (and by extension, his girlfriend's father), so he offered to take him. From far behind him, he can hear Allie laughing. That can only be good, right?

Dashiell plunges in, so Rafe wades in after him, still holding on to his arm, his feet touching the bottom. "Not any further than this, Dash." The water is up to his chest and the waves are sucking at the sand under his feet; he finds himself constantly shifting to stay upright.

Dash is actually a pretty good swimmer - he's got a natural ability maybe, or just a really good teacher. Rafe remembers Allie telling him that her father taught her to swim in the Hamptons, so maybe he taught Dash as well. Yeah, now that he's spent a few hours with Dash and Richard Castle (he has got to stop thinking of the man as the_ Author Richard Castle_), Rafe can see how their father would be a patient and clever teacher.

He thinks like a kid; he understands them. His son, yes, but probably any kid. Rafe has heard stories of epic lightsaber fights and laser tag games lasting all night long. He knew that Allie wasn't making them up, but before now he's had a hard time believing that any parent could be both so fun and also still a parent.

Castle seems to be doing that. Again, there has to be a recipe for it, a perfect blend of ingredients.

He just needs to figure them out. How does Rafe usually do that? Lots of taste-testing. He'll just keeping sampling, spend every moment with this family soaking it in, observing, theorizing, until he gets a chance to replicate it.

Oh, well. . .that's. . .when he has kids of his own, isn't it?

And that vision blows him away for a moment.

In the meantime, he can test out his ideas on Allie. She loves to talk about this stuff.

* * *

><p>Allie's chest eases when she finally spots Kate in the distance.<p>

"Dad. There," she says, pointing towards the profile of the woman, long lines, her beach wrap fluttering around her knees, stopped to wait on the little girl. "That's them."

She feels her father lose his tension in a wave, all of it draining out of him; his clutch on her arm is the only outward sigh of his relief. "Yeah. You're right."

They still stand at the shoreline, watching, neither able to quite release the at-attention sense they've had for the last ten minutes or so, not knowing where Kate and Ella were.

"She said she was going. I knew she was going on a walk," her father says, almost to himself.

"It's been an hour," Allie puts in, trying to be helpful.

"You and Rafe were gone for longer," he says back, shaking his head. "Kate's gonna kill me if she sees I was worried. And got you worried too."

But it's the same worry, Allie wants to say, explain, identify. They are the same. In the beginning was just the two of them, Alexis and her father, and they will always fall back together on the same old fears - abandonment and stale loneliness. Kate remade everything when she came - Alexis is Allie now, and her father is. . .

She feels the corner of her lips smirk. Castle. He's Castle. And with that comes everything the use of his last name implies - formality and protection and dependability. Alexis was fifteen years old before she finally saw something true spark in her father's eyes, something other than the way he loved her, something that engaged him in the real world (again, because he really had been engaged in the world at one point, Allie knows this too. But the money and fame overrode it.)

The spark? The way he loved Kate. Even if, back then, it wasn't what it is now. Alexis wonders if that's true for everyone who falls in love, or just for the type of people her father and Rafe are - because they spark the same way, are passionate in the same way.

"Quick, make like we're having a serious conversation," her father says, tugging her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Allie laughs and squeezes back, draws the sleeve of her cover-up back onto her shoulder. "All right, Dad. What about?"

"Uh, shoot, anything. Come on. Kate seriously will not be pleased if she thinks I'm getting as paranoid as she is. You know how she is about that."

"Bringing you down with her," Allie remarks, nodding. Too many psychology courses; the ideas and the archetypes, the analyzing and the profiling come entirely without her bidding them. "Okay. All right. Oh. I know. Might be moving back to New York."

That completely diverts his attention; Allie smiles back at his happy and incredulous look. "Really?"

His hug grows tighter, more convincing, a kiss dropped to the top of her head like she's actually fifteen again. If he calls her pumpkin. . .

"Pumpkin, would you really move back?"

She rolls her eyes, but it sends a daughter's thrill through her chest, makes her cheeks warm. Allie knows she's a daddy's girl, knows she's got issues because she grew up, for the most part, motherless, knows that because of her father's early cavalier attitude towards life and rules that any man who takes a firm hand is infinitely more attractive (Rafe, jeez, _Rafe_), but knowing. . .knowing does her no good against the reality of her emotional make-up.

So maybe Rafe's sexual appeal increases when-

"Allie. The city. Hurry. Before Kate gets back."

Right, yes. She blushes, realizing that she was just thinking about Rafe in bed while being hugged by her father, and wow, a psychology degree does not excuse that.

"When I finish grad school. I've already applied at a few places. I had an interview last week-"

"You were in the city last week?" her father says, almost pouting.

Allie shakes her head. "No. I canceled. Last minute."

Her father frowns, rubs a hand down her shoulder. "Why, Alexis?"

"I know Mom said not to let a guy dictate what I do with my life, where it's going, she's always said that, she's right to say that, but I'm still hesitating."

"You mean Rafe."

Allie nods, glances down the beach to see her mom and Ella (her mom, her mother, Kate, the one who probably can make sense of this, rationally, but who might also warn her that rational isn't always the best way to go). The two are hand in hand now, Kate looking like she's in no hurry.

"Alexis, Kate - Mom is usually right. Sure. But you know how she and I approach things."

"Differently," Allie laughs, glancing back to her father. "I know. I'm taking that into consideration. Which is why I canceled the interview last week. Because I don't want to move away from Rafe. I want him with me, or me with him, however it works. I just don't know how to ask him to quit his job - he just got promoted to pastry chef, which is all he's wanted there - and then drag him to New York with me where it's so very difficult to break into the restaurant business."

"Don't you think it's just as difficult a market as Chicago? Don't you think Rafe is good enough to gamble on?"

Allie turns a shocked face to her father. "Of course I do. Dad." And then her father's grin filters in to her senses, she takes a breath. "A sure bet."

"Well, then. Problem solved. Ask him to move with you."

There's something underlying her father's confidence. Something more than his usual speech, soapbox, about how love is the grand adventure, how love deserves to be left its mystery and its romance, how love itself should be courted and wooed, how love is a risk and a gamble.

"What do you know?" Allie asks, narrowing her eyes at her father.

His eyes widen - she has him - and then he's pushing past her. "Hey, my girls. How was your walk?"

Darn. She nearly had him. She did have him; his confidence was too pronounced.

"Oh, Rick, look what we found," Kate is saying, sounding breathless, excited. Allie turns to look at her adopted mother, sees her kneeling next to Ellery, nudging the girl, two dark heads close together.

"What did you find?"

"Come on, cricket, show Daddy what we found. How many we found." Kate glances up, her eyes traveling to Alexis's father's face, her look like a touch. Rick drops to his knees beside Ellery and Kate.

Allie gets down beside them too, remembering how that felt, her father's blue eyes on her face, the thrill of showing off to daddy. Still powerful, after everything, still has a hold on her. So much that she envies Ellery, just a little, for having them both - Dad and Kate - both her parents attuned to her, waiting for a word.

Ella glances up at her daddy, back to her mother, then holds up her hand, a loose and sandy fist, her eyes so blue they're breathtaking.

She unfurls her fingers, peering down into her own hand, to reveal a sand dollar resting on her little palm.

"Oh, baby, look at that," Rick says, cupping her hand in both of his. His lips to her forehead in a kiss, and then he's sharing a look with Kate.

Allie gets a chance to meet her sister's eyes while their parents say nothing at all and everything at the same time.

"Ella-bean, look what you found," she murmurs, grinning at her little sister. Ellery's face beams wide, shoulders still hunched towards the sand dollar as if she can keep it safe and protected with the tilt of her little body. "It's so tiny. So pretty."

"Sand dollar," Ella says, drawing her father's attention again.

"It's amazing," Rick says, his thumbs stroking over Ella's wrist, his hands so large compared to Ellery's that it looks absurd and heartbreaking at the same time. "How many did you find?"

"Three," Ella says, grinning again. "Like me."

"Did you hear the birds inside?" her father says.

Allie rests her palms on her knees as she watches Ella cradle the thing with pride, the little eyes lifting to her daddy with surprise.

Kate hums and uses a finger to brush the hair back from Ellery's face. "Shake it near your ear, cricket. Gently."

Ella cups the sand dollar and brings it up to her ear, a little eyebrow arching as she carefully shakes her hand. She gasps and turns wild eyes to her mother. "Things inside!"

"Daddy calls them birds," Kate says, smiling gently. "Five little birds of peace, right, Daddy?"

Allie glances to her father, laughing at the pleased surprise on his face. He must think he's the only one who can tell stories.

"Yes, five birds of peace. Exactly right. Why don't you tell us the story, Mommy?"

Ella turns her head towards Kate, bringing the sand dollar back in front of her face, holding it now with two hands as if the addition of birds of peace make it that much more precious.

"They're doves," Kate starts, then shrugs with a sigh. "That's all I know."

"Daddy?" Ella says softly, lifting her eyes back to her father.

"I'll tell the story at bedtime. How about that?"

Allie smiles to herself, locks eyes with Kate who is grinning as well. So they both know, then, don't they?

A bedtime story? Yeah, her father doesn't know any more to the story either.

He's gonna have to make it up between then and now.

Rick reaches down and carefully gathers Ella to his chest, standing up with the girl in his arms. "I'll tell you and Dash both tonight. Okay? Something to look forward to." He turns back to Allie and Kate, points a finger at them. "Not a word from the peanut gallery."

Ella pats her father's cheek, still holding on to the sand dollar, but cupped now against her chest.

"Daddy, what's peanut gallery?"


	67. Chapter 67

The kids have gotten cranky, and sun-tired, Castle thinks, so he starts herding them back to the towels, away from the pitfall and the army men's titanic battle against the sand beasts. He gets out their waters from the bag, hands them each one, waits until they start drinking before turning back to the bag to look for snacks. Dash plops down on a towel, sand liberally caked all over his exposed skin, starts messing with Ella about her sand dollars, tries to grab one from her hand.

Castle yanks him up, sits him down on the other side of the beach chair. "Leave your sister alone."

"Daddy, I want to see-"

"Later. When you can be nicer about it."

Dash's lip quivers; he crosses both arms over his chest and turns his head away. Good enough.

He pulls out goldfish crackers, debates the wisdom of letting their sandy hands all over their snack, but shrugs and gives it up. They've probably swallowed ocean water and eaten sand already today, little more can't hurt. He pours some out on the towel for Ellery, then does the same for Dash on his towel next to the chair.

"Dig in."

Kate snorts at him, pulling her hair back into a rubber band, and rewraps her beach-skirt-cover-up thing. She calls it a cover-up, but it doesn't cover a thing. Her narrow ribs, the flare of her hips, the long and fantasy-rated length of her legs - the cover-up only accentuates it all with its black, gauzy material, fluttering in the breeze. The two piece swimsuit is modest enough, but she looks sensual - gorgeous - in everything. A sack would still somehow flatter her.

"Castle, wanna get the toys?" she says, gesturing to the pitfall.

"Dash, help me start shoving sand-"

"No!" Dash crams the last of his goldfish crackers into his mouth, sucks down som water. "I don't wanna fill it up."

"Dash. We talked about this," he warns, bending over to grab the mesh bag they keep the beach toys in. He starts throwing in shovels and buckets, searching for army men that are stilled buried. If they leave a few, no big deal, right?

"Daddy, you can't make me-"

Rafe and Allie return from the boardwalk, bottles of water in hand, just in time to witness Dashiell's meltdown.

Castle lifts an eyebrow at his son. "Dash."

"Daddy, no. It's perfect and I worked all day, _all day_-"

"We can make it again tomorrow."

"I'm not doing it all over again!" he shrieks, grabbing fistfuls of sand and raising them over his head, cocked to throw. And the kid has a wicked aim; all that baseball he loves.

Kate snatches a fist, stilling his tantrum. "Dashiell Alexander. Do not even."

Dash pants, his chest heaving as he glares at both his parents, furious and impotent and too proud to back down now.

Rafe sits down on the towel next to Ellery, hooks his arms around his propped up knees. "Hey, Dash."

Dashiell flicks his eyes suspiciously to Rafe, but his hands are still clenched around the sand he's threatening to throw.

"I bet that if you don't pitch a fit - I bet me and Allie could take you to the pool. You and Ellery both. But if you're tired, and you throw a fit, then I guess not. The pool is only a reward for having a good day."

Dashiell drops both hands; Kate releases her grip. Castle watches his son for a moment, then glances over his shoulder at Rafe, impressed. Distraction. Either he's been listening to Alexis, or he has a natural talent for handling kids. And honestly, the incorrect grammar didn't even bother him.

Much.

Dash doesn't say anything to this offer, but he does give Kate a long, measuring look, as if to determine how likely it is that his mother will let him go to the pool.

"Dash," Kate says softly. "Help your father pick up the beach toys. Fill in the pitfall so no one gets hurt. Then we'll see."

Dash releases the sand in his fists back to the beach, wipes his palms slowly on his swim trunks. He stands up, gives another long-suffering sigh, then shuffles over to Castle.

"Good job, my man." He turns to Ellery, points at her. "Give those to Mommy; let her keep them safe. Okay cricket? Then you have to help clean up too."

Her face narrows in that mutinous look, like she's going to be stubborn about her sand dollars, but Castle leans over, wraps his fingers around her upper arm.

"Yes, Ellery Kate. Don't make me say it again."

She shoots him a look, silent and rebellious in her whole being, but she grudgingly stands, heads to Kate with her sand dollars cradled against her chest. She's already heard the promise about the pool; she won't risk it either. And Castle knows it's not really the pool that appeals to them - they have a pool at the Hamptons - but it's the prospect of spending time with Rafe and Allie.

And Castle seriously doesn't want to take that away from them either. He brushes his hand through Ella's hair as she comes back to him, dislodging sand, ducking her head with a nudge of his palm as she does. "Good girl."

The pool isn't such a wonderful idea - the kids are so tired - but if Alexis and Rafe want to handle them, he's not going to say no. Wear 'em out. The earlier they go to bed, then the earlier he and Kate go to bed as well.

* * *

><p>Kate turns to him, alone in the condo, gives him a little laugh. She's been laughing all day, so much so that her mouth hurts with it, out of practice lately, but here they are. Alone.<p>

They walked up from the beach, all of them, only for the kids to whine for the promised pool; they didn't want to go back; they weren't tired. Promise, Mommy, we promise. Right. But Allie and Rafe offered the treat, and Kate guided the kids under the outdoor showers at the end of the boardwalk, hosed the sand off them, and then there they went.

Leaving her and Castle to lug everything back upstairs and 'get dinner started' - or so he said. She wants to start something else.

She drops the bags in the entry way, takes Castle's hand and tugs him into the living room. Here they are. Alone in the condo. Dinner still a few hours away, really. Sun brilliant through the sliding glass doors. She should have Castle start the laundry, she should put away those sand dollars, she ought to shower the sand off herself as well.

But Kate knows what she *wants* to do, rather than what she ought to do, thinks he does too, if that little stunt in the ocean isn't proof enough. She turns to him with a sly smile.

"So-" she starts, only to be cut short by his mouth on hers, aggressive and claiming, his body crowding her.

Kate pushes back, clutches at a bicep, hooking her other arm around his neck. She bounces once on her toes to warn him, then jumps him, wrapping her legs low around his waist. Castle catches her easily, a smooth, practiced move between them. He kneads her thighs with his wide hands, thumbs digging into her quads, heat building sharply, spiking in her belly, cramping her hip flexors.

"Good catch," she murmurs, nibbles at his jaw as he adjusts her, an arm strong at her spine.

"Mm, thanks for the warning," he says back on a laugh, the hot puff of his breath against her ear, teeth at her lobe, tugging.

"Get this off," she mutters, sliding a hand down the neck of his shirt, the other snaking up the back, hampering her own need in the process, getting stuck. She tightens her legs around him, needing _closer_, closer.

"You first." His mouth at hers suddenly; she squeezes her knees at his ribs, catches herself in time to keep from doing damage, barely, no broken bones this trip, hears his wheezing breath, his dark, arousing laugh. "That's right, love, let me-"

"Not this time," she pants. His breath falters at her jaw; she takes back his mouth, working her tongue against his, roughly, swiftly.

She feels the moment his knees give, drops both feet to keep them up, smiling to herself in the kiss, lips parted but mouths, tongues still touching, seeking. Kate bumps him with her hip, nudging him back even as she gets both hands under his tshirt and pulls it up, off.

He hisses and his back arches; one of his hands bruising her thigh in reflex, his body stiff and held away.

"Rick?"

"Damn." He shakes his head, opens his eyes. "That hurt."

Hurt? Kate drops his shirt, runs her fingers lightly along his back, feels the immediate and sudden heat of his skin scalding hers. "Oh, Rick," she sighs, pressing her mouth to his collarbone - hot there too, maybe a little pink.

He pulls his shoulder blades together under her touch, wincing. Kate untangles from him, turns Castle around even as he wriggles his shoulders in discomfort.

His back is sunburned. Angry red and flaring with white spots that look like little fingerprints. "Did you not put on sunscreen?" she says on a sigh, trailing her cool fingers down his spine.

He shivers, groaning. "I let. . .Ella do it."

Kate huffs on a laugh, moves back around him to see his face - chagrined, pained, one eye crinkled up as he tries to laugh with her. "Oh, baby, that was a mistake. Let's get some aloe gel on this; I think I have after-sun too."

"But I wanna touch you," he whines, and she's already so on edge that not even the whine, nor the feeling of tender maternal regard can keep the flush from her chest or stop the clench of her stomach from hearing those words. "Kate, I wanna make you-"

"We'll see," she says, but she knows, he knows too, she'll find a way. She needs_ hard_, but she can figure out how to make gentle work just as well. "Aloe." That first.

"That means yes," he growls back at her, his pupils flaring wide, dilating, head dipping towards hers. Hot mouth to match the heat of his back under her careful fingers; he wraps his broad hands around her thighs and hoists her up again; her legs wrap around him in reflex. "I can at least carry you to bed."

She fumbles with the doorknob at her back when they thump against the bedroom door, tries to remember how to make it work even as his tongue traces the skin at the line of her swimsuit. She moans, can't help it, her arm around his neck, fingers in his hair.

They fall back as the door pops open; she grips him on instinct, feels his body tense in all the wrong ways.

"Sorry, sorry-" she murmurs, peeling her fingers off his back, trying to get down. "Castle. Your back-"

"It'll keep. Want this first. Then we can play with aloe, all slippery and cold-"

She jerks, twitchy under his tongue, his mouth, his words. Always the words.

Jeez, she knows better than to let him talk when he's trying to seduce her. Her body aches.

"Yes, this first," she gives in, mostly to herself, pushes him towards the bed, trying to think of a way not to abuse his skin. "Don't lay down."

"Can do," he murmurs. "No fingernails."

"Try my best," she smirks down at him.

He starts to respond, more words, more talking, but she claps her hands to his face, tugs his mouth to hers, hard, breathless, ruthless, then pulls him away, certain she has his attention.

"No more talking, Castle."

She doesn't have to tell him again.


	68. Chapter 68

Castle wraps his hand around hers and tugs. Kate comes, briefly bouncing on her toes, a habit he swears she's picked up from their son. He yanks the sheets and covers back up the bed as she grabs the pillows and throws them over his shoulder. Castle laughs at her, peering at her lithe form as she heads for the bathroom.

"I'm gonna start dinner," he calls out after her, gingerly putting his tshirt back on, his board shorts, then moves towards the door.

She calls back something muffled as he starts to leave; Castle stops and turns, waits, but she doesn't elaborate, and he has no idea what she said. She always does this.

He growls at her, taking a few steps towards the bathroom. "Kate. Stop telling me stuff when you're walking away. What did you say?"

She laughs and comes back to the doorway, pulling a clean shirt on over her head. "Can you gather up towels and swimsuits and dirty clothes? I want to get that started before the kids get back."

"Yeah, check." Castle pauses, eyes her for a moment, hair tangled from the ocean, and maybe his hands as well, but pulled up into a pony tail even so. Actually, she might have braided some of it; he can't tell. She's still partially up on her toes, looking like a dancer in the long, fitted tank top and leggings, barefoot, bathed in sunlight from the sliding glass door in the master bedroom.

"Mm, what is it?" She turns her head to look at him, leaning over to brush sand off her feet; he can hear the grains scatter over the bathroom tile. "What, Rick?"

He shakes his head, reaches out to catch her hand as she straightens up, brushing his thumb over her wrist. "Just. You."

She comes to him, slides her arms around his back, hugging him gently, careful with his sunburned skin. "Love you too."

Castle presses his lips to the tangle of her hair, breathes her in, the strange scent of sun-brightened beach and sunscreen mixing with sweat and love and water. Some soap at the skin of her temples; she must have washed her face.

"All right," she murmurs on another light laugh, putting her palms against his chest. "Get going. They'll be back any minute."

"Yeah," he says, thinking he did an admirable job of sounding as pleased and nonchalant as she did, but still hearing the way his voice tightened with the force of love. Not just his, not just hers, but theirs. Their love.

Castle lets her go, starts to turn for the door, but she plucks at his tshirt. "Aloe."

"I'll start the kids' dinner first, then you can slather me in aloe," he laughs back. She nods and disappears into the bathroom again, so he leaves as well, on the hunt for dirty clothes.

* * *

><p>Kate squeezes the blue aloe vera gel out onto her hand, nods at Castle to sit down at the bar. He checks the chicken nuggets in the oven, then does as she indicated, pulling his tshirt over his head, wincing.<p>

"Rick," she murmurs, sighing at his back. He doesn't have the right genetics to let himself get burned like this; underneath the work-day color is some fair skin with pink undertones. He burns too easily, though not nearly as bad as Alexis. "Remember those couple of days in the Hamptons? July Fourth?"

He sighs. "That was just being stupid. This was-"

"Different?" she laughs softly, putting her cold hands to his back. He flinches at first then his shoulders slump in relief.

"God, that feels good." He groans when she slides her palms slowly down his spine, the contours of his ribs under her fingers.

"I think letting Ella put sunscreen on your back was about as stupid as not doing it at all." She doesn't try to rub it in, the aloe anyway; she'll rub his stupidity in as much as she wants, considering the consequences. "I don't want you getting skin cancer, you furball."

He laughs so hard that it jostles her hands from his back; she stands behind him, confused but amused by his breathless laughter. Castle turns, wraps his fingers around her wrists to hold her slimy hands away from him and then kisses her mouth lightly, still grinning.

"That's cute. Going for a Star Wars reference, were you? But it's fuzzball, Kate."

Oh. Darn. "I always get that mixed up."

His eyes are crinkled up, entirely too sexy. "I appreciate the effort."

"Turn around," she says, rolling her eyes at him to keep from crawling into his lap and doing silly, sensual things to him. Even with the aloe all over. Maybe especially with the aloe.

Castle presents her with his back and she squeezes more gel into her palm, smears it over his shoulders this time, down the sides of his arms where she can see it's pink. The worst of the sunburn is on the tops of his shoulders and along his spine. Someone got sunblock at his sides, where his ribs wrap around - maybe that was Ella.

His muscles and tendons bunch under her hands; she uses more aloe when the skin grows warm again, hoping to take some of the heat out of it.

When she's layered as much over his back as she can, Kate slides her palms down over the sides of his arms to brace herself, leans in to kiss the skin behind his ear, nuzzling with her nose.

He breathes out softly, melting a little, making her smile with it. "Thanks, love."

"Mm-hmm," she murmurs, moves forward some to kiss his jaw before stepping back. "I'll put some more on your back after dinner?"

"Yeah."

Kate washes her hands off in the sink, biting her lower lip as she concentrates on getting all the gel off. "Hey, Castle?"

He's at the microwave now; even with the sheen of blue gel across his back, she likes the play of muscles across his shoulders as he moves, the strong line of his spine, the tapering of his waist at his hips. She turns and leans against the sink, shutting the water off with her elbow, flicking her fingers at him with a grin. If it weren't for the aloe, she'd probably kiss his shoulder blade, just because.

Castle grins back, an eyebrow raised at her, but starts putting together the mac and cheese.

"So. . .when Dash and I were in town yesterday-?"

He makes a noise, his rumbling _go on_ noise to let her know he's listening. She loves that little noise, the way it pulls up from his throat, how familiar it is. He's listening. He does listen, even when it looks like he's not.

"The humane society was out in the parking lot of the hardware store-"

"Yeah?" She still doesn't have his undivided attention, but that's okay. He's pouring water into the noodles, making their kids' dinner.

"Out there with some dogs, trying to get them adopted," she says, waiting a moment.

His head comes up, eyebrows raised as he looks at her, interested now. "Yeah? And?"

"Dash. . .loved them. One in particular."

Castle grins even wider. "So you coming around?"

"I think I'm already around?" She sighs at his delighted look, shrugs her shoulders. "Dash just fell in love with this one dog, Castle. He was kinda patchy looking, but-"

"Are you telling me you want to get him a dog _now_? Like, from the humane society here in Texas?"

"He was all over that dog. It broke my heart to make him leave. I told him that you and I had talked about maybe getting him a dog when he was older and could take care of it, and you know what he told me?"

"What?" Castle looks stunned, entirely thrown off his game. She really has come at him from out of nowhere.

"He said he didn't want just any dog, he wanted that dog."

"Oh," Castle murmurs, then laughs at her, shaking his head. "Kate. You got played."

"No," she insists, moving closer to lean against the counter at his side. He's putting the mac and cheese noodles into the microwave to heat up. "It wasn't a ploy on his part, Castle. You didn't see his face. I know when he's trying to charm me. He looks just like you do."

Rick still seems dubious, and honestly, she wasn't expecting to have to fight so hard for this.

"He wants that mutt from the humane society, Rick. And I think we can get it back to New York."

"How?"

"You can board dogs on the plane. Travel crate; they fly in the cargo area - I found the guidelines online."

"You're serious." He flicks his eyes to the timer on the microwave, then back to her, giving her his full attention. "You want to get Dashiell a dog."

"Yes."

"This specific dog. Here."

"Yes." Kate crosses her arms over her chest, considers him. He was the one to push for a dog last year, said a boy needs a dog, pulled out the big guns and pouted at her and said he never got to have a dog - which always works on her. "I thought you said-"

"I did. No, don't get me wrong. I want him to have a dog. But we agreed, when he was older."

"Yeah." This is true, all true. Still. "I know it will fall on you to take care of it, at least until Dash is old enough, but I think he's halfway there, really, and it's a good lesson in responsibility and some theory of mind, let him think about how the dog feels-"

"Kate," he says, shaking his head at her. "You don't have to convince me. Yeah, I'll be the one taking care of it, but I'm fine with that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So. . .can we?"

"You really want this."

"I want. . .yeah. I think he's been so concerned over Ella, trying to take care of her, being a good brother, but Ellery's getting older. At some point, she's going to be more than just annoyed with him trying to boss her around."

Castle laughs, moves to take the mac and cheese out of the microwave. "Yeah, she's already there, I think."

"Could be. Dash having a dog to focus on instead, worry over the dog. . .might help."

He nods, stirring a fork through the noodles and then adding milk and cheese and butter. "Yeah. Might be right. But this dog? Here?"

"Dash is right. It can't be just any dog, not for Dashiell. He has. . .you know how he is. There are rules for everything. And if this dog fits him, and he fits the dog-"

"Watch it, Kate. You're starting to sound rather mystical. Is it fate that he gets this dog?"

She laughs with him, traces the edge of the counter with a finger, rehashing the arguments - pro and con - over again in her head. Still, same conclusion. And maybe it is fate. She would never have taken him to the town square if she hadn't felt sorry for him not being able to get in the water. And he'd never have been restricted if he hadn't needed stitches, hadn't fallen in McDonalds and smacked his head.

"I think this is the dog, Rick."

He pauses, turns his head to really look at her. She waits, knows he's got to process. He's the spontaneous one, not her; she's the one who plans everything out. Role reversal to the extreme, and he's got to be struggling to catch up with that.

"You should be grateful," she murmurs, giving him a smile.

"Grateful?"

"I almost went ahead and arranged everything, like I usually do-"

He growls at her, narrowing his eyes, but she can see it's still playful, teasing; he leans in to nip at her mouth, her lip in his teeth for a second. "You better not."

"I didn't. See? I can learn."

"Maybe you *can* teach an old dog new tricks-"

She squeezes his hip, hard, making him yelp. "Calling me a bitch, Castle?"

He laughs at that, clearly delighted by the unintended insult, grins over at her. "So you want to get Dashiell his dog."

"Do you, though? That's the important part. Because I don't want to do this behind your back or without your support."

Rick finishes mixing the mac and cheese, puts it back in the microwave, probably to keep it warm until the kids get back. He leans against the counter and regards for a second, then nods. "Yeah. Okay. Let's get him the dog. Birthday present. Five is a good age for a dog."

She bounces up on her toes, wraps her arms around him only to encounter slimy aloe vera, feel his body jerk as she clutches sunburned skin.

"Oh, damn," she breathes, withdrawing, leaning her forehead against his chin. "Sorry, so sorry-"

"It's okay." He shrugs at her, hands coming to her elbows to keep her there. "Get it all over you?"

"Not too bad," she murmurs, lifts her head to kiss the underside of his jaw, sliding her palms at his sides to wipe off the aloe onto his skin. "Rick. The dog-"

"I'll call them today - soon - before they close. Make sure they haven't done anything to him."

She sighs and smiles, glad to get started on this. "Good."

"Oh, what was the dog's name?"

Kate grins, raises up on her toes again to be closer to eye level, missing her high heels. "You'll never guess."

"What? Fido?"

She bites her lip on a laugh. "No, even better."

"So tell me already," he growls, squeezing her elbows.

"Rex. His name's Rex. Dashiell. . .Dash was certain it was short for T-Rex."


	69. Chapter 69

"Where's Dad?" Allie says, slinging the bag off her shoulder and holding it out, looking hesitant.

"Drop it there; that's fine." Kate nods to the floor where they've been dumping everything, entirely too messy and scattered for Kate's liking but she's also too relaxed right now to care. Of course, she just may be straightening everything in the morning when she can't sleep past six. "Your dad's on the phone in the bedroom."

Dashiell bounds over the bag and jumps for his mother; Kate catches him, jerking her head back to keep from getting a bloody lip. "Whoa, whoa. Wild man, careful. You just got stitches."

"We played Marco Polo and chicken!"

"Chicken?"

"I was on Rafe's shoulders and Ellie was on Allie's shoulders and we-" Dash growls and poses like Hulk in Kate's arms, mean face and all. "-We fought. Girls v Boys. Rafe says v means versus. Like against."

"It does. Versus. You fought?" Kate glances up to the blushing Allie.

"You know chicken, where you try to knock the other team back into the water?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kate laughs, shaking her head at them. "Who won?"

Dashiell bounces in her arms, almost too heavy for her to keep hold of. "It was a tie!"

"Perfect." Kate moves with him towards the bathroom. "Let's do showers so we can get right to dinner."

Ellery sneaks around Kate's feet for the bathroom and slaps the doorframe as she runs inside. "Beat you!" she crows, her face exultant. Strong voice, happy face - Kate's heart clenches and she grins back.

Dash wriggles in her arms to get down so Kate drops him to the floor. "Be nice."

She turns back to Allie, catching the girl by the sleeve of her cover-up. "Will you check on the chicken nuggets in the oven? Oh, also, if you have anything that needs to be washed, I've got some loads in the floor by the washer."

"We just got here!" Allie laughs, then reaches out and hugs Kate impulsively. "But thanks, Mom. We're good. I'll get dinner finished up. Rafe will be too disgusted by chicken nuggets to touch them."

Kate laughs back, putting a hand to her mouth. "Oh my. Good point. Well. He's going to hate the adults' dinner as well-"

"Oh no. Rafe's making us dinner. That's why we went into town this morning."

"Oh really?" Kate steps closer to the kitchen, as if to investigate this claim, but a clattering crash from the bathroom has her spinning back around. "Okay, gotta keep them from killing each other. Do what you like with whatever, Allie."

"No problem. Go."

Kate clears the bathroom, stumbles to a stop before she trips over the towel bar. In the floor. Two kids standing at shocked attention in front of it.

"How did you pull the towel bar out of the wall?" she growls, reaching down to grab the metal bar. There weren't even towels on it - Castle had taken them to start laundry. "Dashiell."

"It was. . .an accident."

"Uh-huh," she mutters, turns to look at the gaping holes in the wall where the bar pulled out the dry wall. Shit. "Dashiell," she sighs.

"Ellery! It was Ellery's accident. Not mine."

Kate turns to look at the little girl, the round, wide eyes, then back to Dash. "And how did Ellery even reach the towel bar?"

"She stood on my back. She was a monkey."

She. . .what?

"Ellery?"

"Accident," Ella whispers, the wide eyes turning stubborn, the chin jutting out. Fighting tears, but determined to stand up for herself.

"You accidentally what? Swung from the towel bar?"

Ellery sucks her trembling lower lip into her mouth, stands up straighter. "I a monkey, Mommy. Need a tree."

Kate cracks, has to turn back to the wall to keep Ella and Dash from seeing her grin. She presses her lips together, purses her mouth and rolls her eyes as she holds the towel bar up to the holes, then realizes the kids can see her in the bathroom mirror. Ellery is grinning now, Dashiell just looks immensely relieved. Ah well.

She lays the towel bar on the counter by the sink (it won't fit back in the wall), makes sure it won't fall, then turns back around to her mischievous kids. "Well, little monkey. No more tree swinging in the condo. All right? Oh, and don't do this at home either. Got it?"

Ellery nods, eyebrows raising slowly as if she's thinking she's about to get away easy. Oh no, not at all, baby girl.

"Ella. What does Daddy say about playing in the bathroom?"

"Not to," Ellery says, eyebrows knitting together now.

"We don't play in the bathroom because it's dangerous - a lot of hard places that might find your head. Did you hurt yourself when you fell?"

Kate crosses her arms over her chest, watches Ellery for a long moment. Dash is the one to speak up. "She did. She smacked down hard."

"Ella."

The girl is struggling against it, maybe tears, maybe the sense of shame from doing something wrong that should've been fun. She reaches back, touches her bottom with both hands. Kate sighs, relief trickling through her. Hitting her head, or her back, from that height-

"Come here, baby girl." Kate drops to her knees, hugs the still-wet girl when she comes into her arms. "Did you hit your back?"

"Mine Elbows."

Kate leans back, pulls Ellery's arms up so she can kiss both elbows, then clasps the two little hands together between hers. "No movie tonight, Ella Kate. No more playing in the bathroom."

"Sorry," she whispers and tries to tug her hands back, her face down. But Kate knows this girl, knows exactly how this feels, and she doesn't let go. Ellery is too much like her mother; Kate won't let her daughter detach. Not when she knows how this ends up - this habit of isolation when hurting.

"You're forgiven, baby girl. But I need a big hug."

"I can give you a hug, Mommy," Dashiell says, anxious to make her feet better.

Kate winks at him, lifts an arm to include him, bringing his body to her side. She doesn't let go of Ella's hands. "Thank you, my handsome man. Ellery?"

The girl squirms for a moment, then sighs and leans forward, as if subjecting herself to it. Kate wraps her arm around Ellery's little waist, tugs the girl against her tightly.

She presses a kiss to Ella's cheek, whispers in her ear. "We all make mistakes. You know Dash does. But so does Mommy. So does Daddy. Even you, sweet girl. It's okay."

Ellery presses her face against her mother's neck, both kids soaking Kate's shirt with their wet swimsuits. She hugs them, crouched in the bathroom floor, and that's where Rick finds them.

"Uh, what happened here? Anybody need a hospital?"

Dashiell wriggles out of Kate's hug and bounces over to his father. "We're good, Daddy. Ellery has bruised stuff, but she's okay. She's trying not to cry."

Kate huffs, feels Ella stiffen in her arms - yeah, they are way too alike.

Castle lifts his eyebrows at Dashiell. "Hey, my man, it's not really nice to point that out, you know? If someone's trying not to cry, then we don't call attention to it."

"Why not? Everyone cries sometimes. Everyone feels sad. Clouds get burnt off by the sun, that's what Mommy says."

Oh, her little therapy boy. Kate smiles at him, stands up with Ellery in her arms, the girl's face still against her neck. Castle reaches out and lays his hand over Ella's back, meets Kate's eyes. An urgency there.

She lifts her eyebrows at him in askance.

Castle finishes answering his son first. "You're right about that, Dash. Everyone needs to cry now and then. There's nothing wrong with it. But Ellery is a lot like Mommy, and neither of them like to cry, even when they need to. And especially they don't want people to see them crying."

Dashiell scrunches up his nose, starts peeling his swim trunks off, reaching out to grab his father's hand for balance. "But girls cry alllll the time, Daddy. Mommy why you and Ella don't want to cry like all the other girls?"

Kate laughs, strokes a hand down Ellery's back. The girl has wrapped both arms around her neck now, but her chin is tucked against Kate's shoulder now instead of hiding her face. Progress. "Probably because all the other girls cry. How annoying is that? If all the other girls are doing it, sometimes that makes me want to do the exact opposite."

"Huh," Dash murmurs, flinging his swimsuit off, then kicking it towards his room. Castle stops him from getting into the tub, tugs him back out with a hand wrapped around the boy's upper arm. "What, Daddy?"

"Hold up." Castle glances over at her. "Kate. We need to go. Right now."

"Go?" She startles, looking at his face, remembers. The dog. The dog?

He nods. "Right now." Castle turns and puts a shoulder at Dashiell's chest, lifts him up over his head so the naked boy giggles. "Okay, buddy, we'll do bath later, when Mommy and I get back. Right now, let's get on some pajamas."

"Castle-"

"Right now, Kate."

She pauses, accepts that with a frustrated sigh, turns with Ella in her arms. "All right, my monkey, let's get these wet clothes off and put on some clean ones."

What's going on with the dog?

* * *

><p>Castle has Dash in clothes in record time, pushes the kid out towards the kitchen. "Dinner."<p>

"Where are you and Mommy going?"

"Gotta pick something up."

Dash stops in the doorway, draping his blanket over his shoulders like a cape. "Daddy, can I-"

"No. Dinner first. Allie and Rafe are gonna watch you guys while Mommy and I are out. So you be good."

"I didn't even get to _ask_," he complains.

"I already knew what you were gonna ask. Now go, Dashiell." He nudges the kid's head with his fingertips; Dashiell steps out into the hall and trips on his blanket. "Careful, kiddo."

"Can I watch after?"

"I told Allie you could watch two shows."

"Only two?" Dashiell whines, his face souring.

"Now it's only one," Castle says back, raising an eyebrow. "Mommy says you were Ella's step stool so she could reach the towel bar."

Dash screws up his face, but can't find an argument against that. "You're no better than Mommy," Dash huffs, then spins around and heads for the kitchen with a wounded air.

"Well, that's a compliment," he yells back.

He hears a laugh from behind him, turns in the hallway to see Kate smirking at him, Ellery in her arms. The little girl is curled around her, looking both worn out and somehow fragile. Which is strange to see in her. Kate is rubbing her back with a hand, but smiling at him.

"A compliment, hmm?"

"Oh yeah, of course. You're the bad cop; we all know that. So if I manage to actually discipline-"

"I'm not the bad cop, Castle," she laughs, then lifts on her toes to kiss his mouth; her lips are chapped, maybe from salt and sun. She tastes good, what he can get of her. "You do your share," she murmurs, brushing her thumb over his bottom lip, then curling her arm back around Ella.

He's inordinately pleased she's said this, because he really does try not to be the softie, the good cop to her bad cop. He knows he's a lot more laidback than Kate, but she's right in wanting rules and discipline and guidelines for their kids. Dashiell thrives with all of Kate's rules and schedules and order; the kid needs it to feel calm. So Castle makes the effort.

"Thanks," he murmurs back, then watches Ellery clutch her fingers in Kate's shirt. "She fell from the towel bar."

Kate nods. "Mm-hmm. I told her no Totoro tonight."

"Sounds fair. Dash only gets one show - cause he helped break the rules. Ellery, you okay?" Castle tilts his head to see Ellery's face; her eyes shift to him. Some hurt there, maybe more wounded pride than anything else. Mommy's the best one for that, because Mommy doesn't coddle like he does. "Mommy got you?"

Ellery hunkers down into Kate's chest. "Mommy got me."

Kate hums. He lifts his eyes and sees that hers are closed, her cheek pressed to the top of Ella's head.

Okay, she's *so* coming with them. Can't leave her now, not when the little thing needs some time with Mommy.

"Kate?"

His wife opens her eyes, warm brown in the afternoon sunlight spilling in from the balcony. He nods to Ellery. "She should come with us."

"To get. . .?" Her eyebrow lifts.

He nods. "Need to see if she's okay with it. You know?"

"Ahhh," Kate sighs. "Didn't think of that. But true."

"You ready to go?"

"I need shoes. Wallet or keys?"

He shakes his head. "I got what we need. Let me say bye to Dash, tell Allie he can only watch one show."

Kate snags his arm even as she's sliding her foot out to grab her flipflops. "Why are we in a rush? I thought this was his birthday present."

Castle sighs. "The thing's scheduled to be put to sleep. Within the hour."

"No sleep," Ella says pitifully. "Not tired."

Kate sighs, squeezes Ellery tighter, but her eyes meet his. "Let's go."


	70. Chapter 70

Castle follows Kate inside the Humane Society's front doors; he's carrying Ella in his arms. The little girl is well past exhausted, lying like a rag doll, but the moment she hears the barking and yipping, her head perks up.

"Doggy?"

"Lots of them, huh, cricket?"

Kate is already at the front desk, asking after Rex; he told the woman on the phone to please wait, and he was pretty sure they would, but bureaucracy being what it is. . .things happen. He's trying not to get his hopes up.

Castle shifts Ella in his arms and approaches the desk, hears Kate murmur her thanks as the woman turns to her computer. He gives Kate a raised eyebrow and she nods back at him, some of that hope swimming in her eyes.

"They waited. She's calling up his file right now. They'll bring him out to us."

"Doggy?" Ella says, her fingers stroking the back of his neck.

Castle brings his hand up and captures hers, kissing her little palm. "For Dash's birthday. We want you to make sure he's a good dog. Got to have your approval."

"Good dog?" Ella peers around Kate, hanging on to Castle's neck as she leans out, trying to get a glimpse past the closed cage door that leads to all the barking dogs. Castle can't see any cats, but maybe they have a different section, a less noisy section.

"Okay, I've found his tag number," the woman at the desk says. "I'll have someone in the back bring him up, you guys can take a look." She reaches for a phone on the desk.

Kate snags his hand, squeezing tightly; when he looks at her face, she has that same expectation and slowly-unfurling joy that she had when they went in for that first ultrasound for what would be Ellery. All this for a dog?

"Kate," he murmurs on a laugh. She turns at his voice, blushes when she sees he's laughing at her.

"Shut up. He's a good dog. A really good dog. I'm so glad they didn't put him to sleep."

"Doggy tired?" Ellery says and then yawns around the question, drops her head down to her father's shoulder.

He curls both arms around her tightly, feels her snuggle down, drawing up into a little ball against his chest. "Ella's tired," he murmurs. "Think you can stay awake long enough to pet the doggy?"

"Pet doggy. Good doggy?"

"I think he is," Kate murmurs, scratching Ella's back with her fingers, leaning in to kiss the girl's cheek. "We'll have to see if you like him, baby girl."

"Babies no have doggies," Ella says solemnly. "Not a baby."

"I'm sorry. You're so right, _dušo_. Not a baby at all. That's why you get to help us decide about Dash's dog."

"Birthday doggy. Puppy?"

"No, not a puppy. We don't need a puppy. We need a dog that knows what it's doing already," Kate says, grinning at her.

"What's him know?"

Castle muffles a laugh, but before Kate can try to answer that, the cage door is being buzzed open and a young guy in cargo pants and a tshirt leads a mostly black dog out on a leash. Ellery picks her head up, watches the dog make his way out into the concrete floor of the reception area.

The tail thumps, a long black thing, short-haired; the head lifts, scenting the air, tilting at them. Kate drops to her knees beside the dog, smooths both hands over his ears, rubbing. The dog's tail sways some more, a hind leg lifts to paw at the air, a shiver running down his back.

The dog is a mutt, for sure, mostly black with some dark brown streaks around the scruff, whiskering from the nose. The face of a beagle, but not the body, too long, too tall. The pink tongue comes out and goes for Kate, but she darts back. Yeah, Castle didn't figure she'd be good with the whole dog-germs, face-licking thing.

Ella has gone still in his arms, watching.

"You want to get down and pet the dog, Ellery?" Castle doesn't give her a chance to say no, just moves to Kate and squats down beside them, lowering his daughter to the floor. She hangs on to his neck a moment, then steps up, bravely, chin raised, and reaches out a hand.

The dog noses it, nudging at her hand. Ella giggles.

"I think he wants you to pet him," Kate says gently, drawing her arm around Ella and pulling her closer. Ellery doesn't have any trouble coming; she gets down on her knees like her mother and wraps both arms around the dog's neck.

Castle moves to grab her back, not sure about her face being so close to that muzzle, but the dog is patient and stands there, taking it.

Kate laughs, turns to look at him, catching his hands in her own to keep him from grabbing his daughter. "Dash did the same. It's okay."

He waits, and Ellery leans back; the dog licks her face, and Ella giggles again, falling back on her bottom. The dog hangs in there, even though she's pulling on his neck. Kate catches Ellery, loosens her arms. "Soft touch, cricket."

The young guy still has a hold of the leash, but he leans over and pets the dog's head. "This is Rex. He had a family just six months ago, but they moved to Hawaii and couldn't bring him along."

"Oh," Kate murmurs, and reaches out, stroking the dog's nose. Castle gives in, joins his family in petting Rex. And of course, like knew would happen, the soft ears, the dark eyes looking into his, it does him in. He never had a dog as a kid, too much moving around, but he wanted one. So badly.

"Okay," he sighs, bumps his shoulder into Kate's. He gives up.

The young guy pats the dog's side with pride. "Rex is a mixed breed - part beagle, part black lab. Maybe something else in him too. He's a good dog for young children, but he does get stubborn."

"Fit right in," Castle says.

Kate elbows him, on her knees petting the dog, trying to prevent Ella from lying on Rex's back. "Cricket, it's not a horse. You can't ride him."

"He big, Mommy."

"Don't use baby words," she says back, frowning at her. "He's a dog. You have to have a soft touch with him."

Ella gentles her petting, but buries her face in the dog's fur, leaning against him. Castle is impressed with Rex's ability to stand there and take it, not growling, not skittering away, seemingly content to suffer in silence. He gives the dog a break though, reaches out to snag Ella away.

"No sleeping on Rex, either, little one." She giggles at him, snuggles down in the circle of his arms, but stretches out a hand to the dog, wriggling her fingers.

Just like the rest of their family, even without Ellery saying a word, the dog comes, nosing her hand, tail swishing slowly, rubbing at her almost like a cat. She sighs and pats his head, rubs his fur the wrong way.

"Good doggy, good Rex."

Rex whuffs low in his throat, but Ellery doesn't startle, doesn't even seem to be scared by the noise. "My doggy."

"Dash's dog," Kate says firmly. "Dash's responsibility, so it's Dashiell's dog, Ellery."

Castle strokes his hand down Rex's coat, pats his back. "Okay, Kate. I'm sold."

She turns a beaming smile on him, wraps an arm around his neck, pushing in past Ella to kiss his ear. "Really?"

"Of course. You knew I couldn't say no."

"I know," she grins, her smile against his cheek. "So let's adopt my dog."

"Your dog? I thought this was Dashiell's dog."

"Yeah, yeah," she murmurs, laughing as she pulls back, stands on her feet. She offers him a hand and he takes it, standing beside her with Ella in his arms. He turns to the young guy.

"So. How do we adopt Rex?"


	71. Chapter 71

They stop off at Wal-Mart for supplies; Kate has to run in and gather dog food, leash, the necessities. She takes his credit card in with her, hopes they don't ask for ID because she doesn't have it on her. Castle stays in the car with Ellery and Rex, keeping the engine running so they stay cool, while Kate is inside.

It takes her longer than she'd like, but there's just so much stuff to choose from. She settles on a bag of kibble for older dogs, pricier because she figures it must be better, and grabs a leash, a chew toy in the shape of a dinosaur (she just can't help it). She doesn't want to buy much else, because they'll have to fly it back with them, but does find a black dog collar that looks like it will work.

It's full dark outside, the moon hidden by overcast skies. The wind blows, warm and humid, and she can't help think they still have to get the kids a bath and into bed after all of this. Not sure that Dash will sleep at all tonight, but there's not really a whole lot she can do about that.

When she gets back to the rental SUV with everything, she pulls open the back door to be greeted by her daughter's giggles, the dog's nose snuffling into her carseat.

Castle is grinning; he raises his eyebrows at her in askance but she shakes her head and gets everything into the car without any trouble. Kate runs a hand down the dog's neck, pats his shoulder, then shuts the door. When she's back in the passenger seat, she turns around to watch.

Ellery's laughter is continuous, tickled by the dog's nose crammed into the crannies of her seat. "What's Rex doing?"

"Eating her leftovers," Castle laughs.

"Oh gross," she moans. "Castle."

"Don't worry. It's like Cheetos and Cheerios," Castle says, pulling out of the parking lot. "Can't hurt him."

Kate watches for a moment, listens to Ella's breathless giggles, her hands at the dog's ears, tugging ineffectually but not really trying all that hard. She arches in her seat and Rex gets at another piece, seems to inhale whatever it was, and pulls back, licking Ella's knee, her shin, before going back for more.

"Oh my word." She feels the thump of Rex's tail against the back of her seat as he wriggles around, trying to get all the crumbs. "We have a crazy dog."

"Fit right in," Castle laughs. His hand lays over her thigh as he steers the SUV back to the highway. "Good choice, Mommy."

Kate beams over at him, chews her bottom lip. "You really don't mind? You'll be doing all the work-"

"Not all," he shrugs. "I have you, when you can."

"You do have me," she murmurs back, trailing her fingers up his arm, curling around his elbow. "I was hoping that since he's an older dog, there'll be less to do. No house-breaking, no need for much training, no middle of the night puppy howling. . ."

"Good thought." His fingers knead at her thigh. "Either way, it's a good time to start training Dash at least."

She hums a laugh and glances back to the kids - or rather, the kid and the dog - using her grip on Castle's elbow to keep her balance. Ellery has stopped giggling, Rex seems to have given up the hunt for leftovers. Ella is leaning over, stretching her fingers out to the dog; Rex licks at them, puts his head back down in the floorboard, eyes opening and closing.

She thinks, maybe, she did good. She feels Rick's thumb stroke hard across her thigh and looks back at him.

"Come kiss me," he says, his eyes sliding away from hers back to the road.

Kate laughs, throaty, hearing the delight and desire that lowers her voice. What he does to her with just a few words. "Oh?"

"Beckett," he growls at her, casting her a quick look.

"Imperious," she murmurs, but slides closer, pressing her lips to his jaw, to the sweep of skin under his neck. She feels his happy hum, slides half out of her seatbelt and onto one knee to tongue the corner of his mouth, sliding her hand up to his bicep, her thumb stroking the vulnerable skin there.

He breathes raggedly, his hand coming up to her neck, her ear, fisting in her hair. "Be nice."

"But why?" she says, nipping at his cheek with her teeth. "This is so much more fun."

* * *

><p>The dog is at first not entirely okay with the idea of getting on the elevator - smart dog, he thinks, having had his fair share of weird elevator experiences - but Kate strokes her hand over and over Rex's head, rubs his ears, and eventually the dog comes. Again, smart dog. Castle would too. Come that is. Ooh, he needs to find a way to work that into the conversation when little ears aren't around.<p>

Even though Kate has his leash in one hand, Ellery slips her fingers under the dog's collar and holds on too, her elbow propped on Rex's back. The dog, which Rick actually thought was mid-sized, comes up to Ellery's shoulder. Bigger than he realized, as they are all crowded in the elevator riding up to their condo.

Condo. Oooh.

"I'll have to run by the rental office in the morning and pay a pet deposit," Castle says, reaching over and lacing his fingers in Kate's free hand.

"I didn't think of that," she says, eyebrows knit together when she glances over at him. "What if it's a no-pets-allowed condo?"

"I don't remember seeing that in the literature. Some of them are, I know, but I can't remember this one being one of them."

"I hope not."

"We'll just pack up and move to an unoccupied one. This is technically their off-season, so. . ." He shrugs and glances down at the dog. "Who is he sleeping with?"

She laughs. "Dashiell?"

"Yeah."

"Are you disappointed?" she murmurs, shaking off his hand to stroke his neck, giving him a kiss.

"Well, not if you keep doing that," he mutters back, trying to keep his words in her ear, sliding his lips to her jaw, just about to get to the sweet spot when the elevator doors open.

She sighs.

He smiles back. "At least we won't have company tonight."

Kate laughs, pressing her lips together, eyes wide and deep and promising. Oh, promising.

Ellery and Rex jostle their way out first, bringing Kate behind them. Rick follows, taking her hand again, watching his daughter walking at the dog's side like a royal emissary. Quite adorable. The braid that Kate put in her hair earlier today has mostly unraveled, but those blue eyes spark, even as tired as she must be.

"Hey, El-" he starts, squeezing Kate's hand to get her to slow down.

Ellery half-turns back to him, raising her eyebrows.

"Whoa, scary," he murmurs, nudging Kate with their joined hands. "That is so *you*, Beckett."

"Hush," she says, bumping his hip.

"Ellery, when we get inside, you need to yell out really loud to Dash, make him come into the entry."

"Okay, Daddy."

"And when you see him, yell, 'Happy Birthday, Dash!' Can you do that?"

"I do it."

"Good girl. Want to practice?"

She looks at him again, disdain etched into her features. Whew, that's not exactly a Kate look, but it's very adult.

"I no need practice," Ella says with a slight down curve of her mouth.

Castle holds up a hand. "My bad. You'll do just fine."

Kate is trying not to laugh; he can tell from the sounds she's making, her head turned away.

At the end of the hall, Castle fishes out his keycard and unlocks the door. The three of them - with a doggy fourth - come through the doorway tripping over each other, trying to get food, dog, paperwork, and people all inside. Castle closes the door and Ellery is already yelling for her brother.

The excitement in her voice cannot be missed. "Dashy! Dash Dash Dash!"

Castle stands behind Kate, shifts to one side to see down the hall. Alexis is the first to poke her head out from the living room; her mouth drops open.

Dashiell is right behind her, swinging around her leg to see them.

Ellery yells, "Happy Birthday!" as Kate unhooks the leash from Rex's collar.

Dash's knees hit the floor hard, his body trembling. "Mommy. Mommy. Oh, Mommy."

Castle feels Kate press close to him, feels her trembling as well, the same tremble she had when they came to the hospital to see her and baby Ellery, and Dashiell crawled up into the hospital bed with her and saw his sister for the first time. She's that joyful now, presenting him with the dog.

"Mommy, Mommy, my dog," Dash breathes. "Oh, it's my dog."

Ellery pushes on Rex and walks him down the hall to where Dash apparently can't even get to his feet. Dashiell's hands come up and his arms encircle the dog's neck, face to the muzzle, a pale pink tongue licking behind the boy's ear, his cheek, making him giggle.

"My dog, my dog," he breathes, gasps as the tongue gets his nose. A lick across his stitches makes Kate flinch beside Castle; she starts forward but Castle grabs her by the hand, holds her back for a moment, shaking his head at her.

Dashiell is running both hands over the dog's fur, at his ears, down his back, circling his tail, the dog standing over him like a beast. His face comes up and beams down the hall at them. "Mommy, you got my dog. You saved my dog."

"Oh, the melodrama, baby," Kate says, and they both walk down the hallway towards the living room and the tableau playing out.

"T-Rex. Hey, T-Rex, hey." Dashiell gets a few more perfunctory licks of his face, but Castle is surprised by how sedate the dog is, how Dash and Ella's fawning all over him doesn't bother him.

Alexis gives him a hug, her eyes in that squinting, smirking face. "So. All the times I begged you for a puppy. . ."

"This isn't a puppy?" he says back, lifting his lips.

Kate is petting the dog, on her knees now next to Dash and Ella, telling their kids that they'll have help with the dog's care, food and water and walking and playing with him.

Alexis bumps his shoulder. "Oh yeah?"

"And." He shrugs, shakes his head at her. "Sorry, pumpkin. I wasn't sure I could do it."

"I know, Dad," she says, her voice soft, her eyes melting at him. "But now there's Kate."

He wraps his arm around her shoulders, tugs her against him to press a kiss to her forehead. "I wish you'd had that, Alexis. I wish you-"

"I have it now," she says, shaking her head at him. "I had you. I had more than enough."

"Daddy?"

Castle glances down, sees Dash at his feet, a hand thoroughly wrapped in Rex's collar, the dog patient and waiting at his side. "Yeah, my man?"

"Thank you for my dog. My dog! Hugs, Daddy."

He lifts his hand in a gesture Castle hasn't seen in awhile; it brings him down to his knees beside his son to wrap both arms around him and lift him, just a little, into a tight hug. He kisses Dashiell's cheek.

"You're welcome. Happy birthday."


	72. Chapter 72

Dashiell has a dog.

He has a great big black dog, a dog that watches him and is quiet and doesn't have too much noise.

"T-Rex," Dash murmurs and puts his face against the dog's neck, blocking out all but his dog. He snakes his arms around Rex's body, feels the heart and the soft, warm skin and the bristled fur. His dog. He has a dog.

Mommy said no. Yesterday. The other day. Mommy said no, not even with any hint of maybes or buts in there, just no. Only now, Mommy has said yes.

He lifts his face and blinks in the light, sees Mommy at the table watching him, not talking to Rafe and Allie anymore. "Mommy."

She gets up and kneels in the floor with him, pets his dog, scratches Rex behind the ears. "I know you're so happy, baby. But it's almost bedtime. Ella's taking her bath right now, and you're going to be next. Are you ready for that?"

"Can Rex take a shower with me?"

Mommy shakes her head no, brushes her fingers through his hair as if she is petting him, the boy, not the dog.

"Mommy, but-"

"No, baby. Dogs take baths, and you will definitely get to help us bathe him. But boys shower."

He doesn't even care that she's said no to this, because next to this dog, this dog he has, everything is _yes_. "Mommy, my dog."

She brings him into her lap with a strong, strong hug, one of the good kinds, and he likes - so much - her squeezing, and he sighs into it, rests his cheek against her shoulder. She smells good. And a little bit like his dog. A new smell on top of the other, better, comforting ones. He's very tired; he knows now. Can feel it making him limp as noodle as Mommy squeezes.

The dog nudges him, and the tired goes away. Dash lifts his head, turns to look back at his big black dog. "Mommy, you got me my dog. You rescued him."

"Daddy did. He called and drove us over there and adopted him."

Dash hooks an arm around her neck and leans out from her lap to hook his other arm around the dog's neck and brings them both together, close, tight, good. "My dog. Mommy, I love my dog."

"I know you do," Mommy says, and she's not laughing at him, it's not that kind. He likes this kind, soft and it makes her hands brush his cheek, run through his hair. A laugh of good things, a laugh like saying yes.

"Can T-Rex sleep with me?"

"Yes, baby."

Oh. Oh, his dog-

"Really? I want him to. He can? He won't jump off, will he?"

"Baby, I don't know. A lot of things might happen. He might wake you up in the middle of the night if he dreams, or gets back on the bed, or scratches at the door. I don't know yet. We'll have to see. Are you okay with not knowing?"

Well, no. Of course not. But it's his dog. And the dog is a rule of himself. In himself. To himself. He is a big black rule. And so if other rules get sharply bent, or even broken-?

"If he scratches, can I get up and let him out?"

"Yes, baby," Mommy says, a kiss on his cheek as she says it. "You're going to be five. Daddy and I think you're a smart guy, you know when you might need to break some rules."

"All the rules can be bent," he repeats. Ms. Julie taught him that. It helps. Because the rules shouldn't be broken, but bending makes sense. Flexing the rules, like being flexible when things don't go his way.

But he has a dog.

Mommy rubs his back. "Having a dog is a big responsibility. But Daddy and I think you're ready to take care of him, to be responsible."

"I am. I can, Mommy." He lets go of her neck and slides off her lap to sit by his dog. T-Rex sits too, licks his hand as he lifts it to pet his head. The fur is so soft right at his nose, between his eyes.

"Then that means you have to be a responsible boy with everything else too. When it's time for bath, Rex doesn't want to watch you throw a fit. It might make him upset because now he belongs to you and you to him. So instead, you walk into the bathroom and let Daddy help you shower."

"Okay." That makes sense too. "I don't want Rex to see me throw a fit."

"Well, it will happen eventually. We can't always be perfect. Sometimes we're too tired to try to be responsible. That's okay too."

"That's okay," he murmurs, stroking the black head, the path of fur that runs between his eyes and back, behind his ears. Skull. Daddy says everything with bones has a skull, a grinning skull, hiding beneath the skin, like a body under clothes. Dogs have skulls too then. He can feel T-Rex's skull. And see his teeth when he yawns like that, pink tongue curling.

"Ellie likes his tongue," he says and turns back to Mommy, grinning at her. "Ellie says she likes pink tongues. I told her she can take care of his tongue and his tail, but Mommy, I want him to sleep with me. Not Ellie."

Mommy laughs, more good sounds, cups his cheek, brings his forehead against hers. "No matter what happens, you're a good boy, Dash. And don't worry. T-Rex gets to sleep with you."

His whole body tightens up, so tight, and then breaks, free and a thousand pieces, all of it tumbling in the air like flying. "You're a good Mommy," he says and squeezes her around the neck, tries to put it all in that squeeze, everything.

Her hair is as soft as Rex's is, between his eyes. But she smells better.

* * *

><p>Daddy starts his shower and puts the soap and shampoo where he can reach. He tells him that his dog can stay in the bathroom with him, but Rex can't get in the shower. That's okay, because if Dash peeks around the corner of the shower curtain, he can see his dog lying down in the floor, on the bathmat, his tongue hanging out, waiting for him.<p>

He scrubs his hair with shampoo like he's supposed to. That's first. Second is rinsing with his eyes closed tight. He sputters in the water, laughs, gets water and shampoo in his mouth and has to spit it out. Daddy comes to check on him, calling out over the water.

"You good?"

"Good!"

Daddy leaves, and Dash checks to be sure the door is open a crack, for fresh air for his dog. It is. He goes to number three, the soap, and suds it up really good. Lots of lather. Lather is one of his favorite words. Daddy says that soap lathers, and horses lather too. One in bubbles and one in sweat. Dash wants to see a horse lather in sweat sometime, to see if it really does look like soap lather, foam and white.

It probably smells bad. He doesn't like bad smells, but if he stood away and maybe if he had Mommy with him, because Mommy smells good and her smell layers over everything in his brain, makes everything calm again, then even a horse with lather would be okay.

Number four is rinsing everything off his body. All the dirt and germs go away, and lots of sand too. Under his feet and crunching as he moves. Dash kicks his feet into the water in the bottom of the tub, gets some of the sand to disappear down the drain, then squats down and uses his hands to push it. Like a wall of torrential water against the tiny sand beasts-

"Ahhhhh," he murmurs for them, hearing their tiny yells as they get sucked back by the great tidal wave. "Crash." He slurps like the drain, laughing as the water runs down his head and into his eyes, pushing more sand down, destroying the whole sand beast kingdom in one fell swoop.

His dog! He forgot.

Dash jumps up, crashing into the shower curtain as he slips, catches himself on the edge of the tub. Ow. His elbow. His knee.

"Daddy!"

"You done?" Daddy pushes back the curtain and helps him out, shuts off the water for him.

"How's my dog?" Dash moves to get to T-Rex, but Daddy holds him back with a hand wrapped around his upper arm.

"Towel first. Dry off. Rex doesn't want to get wet."

Daddy smashes the towel in his face, and Dash laughs, hearing the sound of his own giggling through the cloth, rubs his cheeks and his head to dry off. Daddy helps him with the rest, leaning over to scrub the towel on his back, his legs, getting everything dry again.

He shakes off Daddy's hand and heads for T-Rex, the dog still lying on the bathmat, watching. Daddy grabs Dash back, keeping him away.

"Go run put on some pajamas, Dash. Then you can play with your dog."

Dash huffs and makes a mean face at Daddy, but he remembers T-Rex lying there, watching, and turns to look. He doesn't want to make his dog upset.

"Okay, Daddy." He makes a mad dash - like his name! - for the drawers with his clothes in them, hops up and down to keep warm, sits down in the floor as he tugs out underwear and pjs. He has only plain underwear left, no more Spiderman or Batman or even SpongeBob. He takes plain blue, wriggles into them, jumps up to get the waistband in place at his hips. Then he crawls onto the bed near the dresser and leans out to pull open his next drawer, with the clothes in it.

"Dash, careful." Daddy comes into the room with his dirty clothes and hangs his towel over the closet door knob. His big black dog is following behind, lies down by Dash's bed. How did his dog know that was his bed? Because Dash is standing on Rafe's bed, trying to get his clothes, but his dog knew where he was supposed to go. T-Rex is such a smart dog.

"I can't get to my pajamas."

"They're all down in the bottom drawers, buddy." Daddy wraps an arm around him and swings him down.

"But I want to wear my dog t-shirt to bed."

"I'll get it out for you. You look for pajama bottoms." Daddy closes the drawer Dash pulled out and goes for another one, higher up. Dash yanks open the next to bottom drawer and digs through the clothes until he finds green stripes. He holds them up by one leg, watching the stripes spin, dizzy, and then sits down and pulls them on.

"Here you go. No time for tv tonight, either."

"I know." He lifts his hands for his shirt and Daddy drops it on his face, making him laugh. The tshirt has all his favorite dogs playing poker on the front. Sitting up like people. Daddy plays poker with his friends, and sometimes Mommy plays, but Daddy says she's not allowed to play so much because she always wins. Mommy says that's not true, that Daddy is just scared of her mad skills. Dash thinks if Mommy was always getting mad at him playing a game, he wouldn't want her to play either.

Now in a soft shirt and soft pajamas and his hair wet but drying some, Dash stands up and runs to his dog, hugging him tightly, feeling him warm and black and big.

"Soft touch, Dash." Daddy pats his back, three times, four, then tugs him away. Dashiell stands up, climbs into bed without even needing help.

"Can T-Rex sleep with me up here?"

"Call him. See if he will."

"Come here, Rex. Come here." Dash pats the bed next to him and T-Rex lifts his head, floppy ears perking a little, and then the dog gets to his feet. "Up, up, T-Rex."

T-Rex is on his bed before he even sees the jump, the tongue licking his face as his dog stands over him. Dash giggles and flops back into bed as Daddy tries to arrange the covers again.

"Sleep, T-Rex." Dashiell wraps his arms around his dog and tugs so that Rex lies down with him too. "Good boy, good dog." His paws are out in front and he puts his head on them, watching Dash, lifting what could be eyebrows but aren't because dogs don't have eyebrows. But his eyes are open and watching.

"You sleep too, Dash. Don't spend all night talking to your dog, okay?" Daddy leans down and tucks the covers in as tightly as he can, but the dog is in the way a little, and Dash doesn't even mind that it's not how it should be.

Dash puts his arms around his Daddy and kisses him, hugging hard, hanging on so that Daddy has to stay there a minute more. "Thank you for saving my dog."

"Mommy's idea," Daddy whispers back. "She told me about him."

Then Daddy is growling and trying to eat him up, kissing and raspberrying and pretending to get him, and Dash giggles hard and tries to squirm away and then his dog is giving a happy little whuff in his throat and licking him and putting his nose in Dash's armpit and it all tickles-

Daddy stops, laughing back, presses his hand into Dash's chest to help calm him again. He can breathe now, and then T-Rex is lying back down, and then Dash opens his eyes and sees his Daddy waiting on him to get quiet.

"Good night, Dash."

"Night, Daddy."

"Love you, wild man."

Dash sighs with all the tickling happiness and lays his hand on his dog, feels Daddy starting to leave. Dash reaches out and grabs Daddy's hand, remembering at the last second.

"All the times, Daddy, in all the ways."

Daddy comes back, squeezing his neck with one hand as he kisses Dash on the forehead. "Always."

* * *

><p>In the darkness, when things are supposed to be quiet but they never really are, Dashiell listens to the breath sounds of the black dog.<p>

His people in the living room and kitchen are talking and eating the dinner that Rafe made, Ella is silent in her sleep, and the air conditioning hums like it's got something stuck in its throat. But the black dog breathes on his bed, some deeper breaths than others, his tail sometimes swishing over the covers.

After a few minutes, just to be sure Daddy and Mommy don't come back in his room, Dash lifts the covers and shakes so that the dog gets up.

"Under here, Rex. Come here," he whispers and the dog steps up to the head of the bed, waits while Dash pushes the covers down, then lies down close, snug. Dash pulls the covers back up over them both, tucking the dog in.

Rex sniffs at his ear, huffs a loud breath through his nose, then nudges Dashiell a few times before licking his neck.

Dash curls on his side, turning to his big black dog, and throws his arm around Rex. The dog's front paws are under Dash's pillow and the black head comes to rest beside his own.

"Good night, my dog."


	73. Chapter 73

After dinner, Kate checks on Ellery first, slipping into the half-dark bedroom and ducking under the bunk bed to get close. Ella's flipped around in the bed, her head at the foot, and her mouth is open, slack in sleep, one little fist curled up at her chest. Kate shakes out the lovey from the floor, spreads it over her daughter's back, the soft blanket providing some semblance of warmth in the cool bedroom.

She leans in and gives Ella a kiss, smoothing a hand over her hair. Then she heads for the connecting bathroom and slips through to Dashiell's room.

The dog is awake. She can see the glow of its eyes in the darkness. Kate pauses in the doorway until her eyes adjust, then steps softly to her son's bedside.

Rex watches her; she lifts her hand and strokes the top of the dog's head, gets her fingers licked for it. He must smell or taste the chicken Rafe made, because he licks her palm too, around to her wrist. She strokes her thumb behind his ear, then pulls away.

"Good boy," she murmurs.

Dash shifts in his light sleep, gives a long sigh. Kate can see that he's got both arms around Rex, holding him there, and she sighs as well, smiling as she leans in. Her kiss is gentle, barely there, but even still, Dashiell stirs, his lashes flutter.

The dog lays his head back down; Kate can feel his long breath out against her cheek. Dash settles and she pulls away, watches the two dark heads, the dog at the boy's side, and wonders if this is the feeling Castle has when he talks about fate, and magic, and seeing a sign from the universe.

This boy was meant to have this dog. And if this is meant to be, then the rest of it is as well - their family, her unlooked-for pregnancy, the case that hurtled them together, the man who followed her to her work and would not let her go.

She slips through the bathroom, into Ella's room, back out into the hall. Castle is there, waiting, as if he knows.

Kate slides her arms around him, presses her cheek to his shoulder, revels in the strong line of his thighs against hers, the sweep of his ribs gathering to the chest that she leans against. She has all these things she wants to say, but no words to say them. Feeling and sense and gut instinct - how it is with him, how it is with her.

"I know," he murmurs into her hair, laughing a little, giving her a quick kiss on her forehead. Entirely not enough, but Allie and Rafe are just in the next room. Probably waiting on them.

"It's amazing how much he loves that dog," Kate says finally, stroking his side and traveling to curl her hand up over his heart.

"It's amazing how much you love that dog," Castle says back, releasing her to catch her hand instead, squeeze. He turns back for the living room where Rafe had cajoled Allie into playing a mean game of Scrabble before Kate left. "They've abandoned Scrabble. Gonna play Nertz. Alexis didn't know you'd taught me."

"Nertz?" Kate shoots him a sly look. "The last time we played that, you stormed off. Got your feelings hurt."

He reaches back and curls his hand at her neck, tugging her closer. "You're vicious when you play."

"Nature of the beast."

"A vicious, unmerciful beast."

She elbows him and knocks his hand away from her neck. "You man enough to play me?"

"You gonna be civil about it?"

"Why on earth should I be civil?" Kate shoots back, bumping into his hip and pushing past him to the living room.

Rafe and Allie are in the floor around the coffee table, shuffling their own decks of playing cards. Allie lifts her head and beams at them, getting to her knees to hand Kate a deck of yellow bridge cards. The young woman has claimed the deck of Chicago's Shedd Aquarium, which Kate thinks are hard to play with, because of all the pictures on their faces, but she'll let Allie deal with that disadvantage. Rafe has the Yankees deck Castle bought for Dashiell after a game.

Rafe is already setting up his cards. Allie grins at Kate. "You guys ready to play?"

"Your dad's gonna be a big baby about it, but I am more than ready to beat his ass, regardless."

"Hey now. Them's fighting words," Castle grumbles, sitting down across from Rafe and grabbing a free deck. "You're getting it now."

"When do I get it?" Kate shoots back, sitting beside him and leaning against him for a moment. Then she realizes how that sounded and laughs, turns to Allie. "Sorry."

Rafe laughs at that, but he shrugs when Castle turns a look on him. Castle still glares; Rafe coughs and raises an eyebrow, looking at Allie, and Kate bites her lip, nudges her glowering husband.

"Come on, baby," she murmurs, distracting him. "Get set up."

Castle turns to her then, lets her see the flash of heat in the back of his gaze; it warms her as well, a flame licking up her bones, and she presses her fingers into his knee under the table.

"Baby?" he mutters.

"Big baby. Whiny baby," she clarifies, but her fingers trail up his thigh.

"Mom. You ready?"

Kate detaches from Castle's gaze with an effort, nods to Allie. "Let's play."

They all set up their cards, four across, a stack of thirteen with the top one turned over. Kate thumbs the deck left in her hand, already sliding three apart, ready to begin. She is ruthless at this game, but it is so much fun to beat Castle.

"Okay. Ready?" Allie says, lifting an eyebrow. "Go!"

Just as she's about to flip her cards over and go for it, Kate feels Castle's hand on her knee, glances over at him. Pitiful blue eyes, pouting face, faint sense of a smirk somewhere in all of that, despite the look.

"Have mercy."

"Never."

And she plays her ace into the middle without even looking, slaps her two over it before Castle can even get to his own two. Already beating him.

* * *

><p>"Ow!" Castle jerks his hand back from the pile of cards, shaking his jammed finger. "Alexis!"<p>

"Sorry!" His daughter laughs at him, but doesn't take her eyes off the fast-moving game, slapping a king onto the top of the diamonds and flipping it over.

"You're not sorry," Kate says. "Don't apologize. You meant it."

"Don't encourage her," he grumbles.

Beside him, Kate has one left in her former stack of thirteen; she's going to beat him again. Again.

"Okay, guys, Kate only has a three of spades left in her Nertz pile. No one play the two. Let's make her sweat."

"You punk!" She knocks into his shoulder and plays another card from the deck in her hands, beating him out on the six of clubs. "Ha. Stop trying to thwart me and pay attention to your own game, stud."

"Call me stud again and you know where this game ends up."

"TMI, Dad." Alexis goes for the jack, but he's paying attention now and he beats her to it with his own jack, crowing.

"Ha! Ha. You got played, fool."

"You sound seriously ridiculous." Alexis is probably making faces at him, but he sees now that he's got an open spot in the four across, flips a card from the stack into the hole, sees that he's only got three more to go.

He might, just might, win this. If he concentrates.

Kate doesn't chatter much when she plays; she says she needs to focus, _get in the zone_. Castle, of course, spends all his time talking when he plays. He also lunges across the table so hard it scoots back, or he'll whine about getting his hand slapped. This is his strategy. Sometimes it throws Kate off, most times it doesn't. It does distract the others he's playing against; right now, it's he and Kate duking it out for first place. If she wins this hand, she'll beat him to 100 points for sure.

"Rafe," he calls out, still flipping his deck over by threes, waiting for the break that will let him get those last three cards played out. "Rafe, you're silent over there, man."

"Concentrating."

"No trashtalk?"

"You're doing a pretty good job of it yourself."

He laughs, breaks to look up at Rafe with appreciation for that one, and sees, out of the corner of his eye, Kate dart a card towards a stack of hearts.

"No!" He turns, slaps her hand with the nine of clubs in his own, even though it doesn't play on the hearts. Then sees that it's not her last card; she still has that three left-

"Castle." She knocks his hand away, then turns and twists his earlobe.

He yelps and jerks away, hears Rafe laughing, tries to stay in the game. "Woman."

"Don't let the game make you stupid, Rick Castle," she says back, her fingers pinching his sides this time, even as she continues to play.

"How is it you can physically abuse me and still play your cards? You have to be cheating."

"Right. With my third hand?"

"With your evil, witchy powers."

"Hmm," she gives him that sidelong look, the arch of her eyebrow, and holy crap, it's like she's again that twenty-something detective back at her desk in the precinct, smirking and messing with him and the boys. Sexy as hell, completely unavailable, and definitely, certainly going to twist him in knots with wanting her.

And while he daydreams, dazzled, she wins.

"Nertz!" Kate calls out, fist pumps, turns back to him with those laughing, clever, smirking eyes. He needs to get her back behind closed doors, and fast.

"I hate playing this game," he growls, but oh, oh, he loves it. He sees her triumph flare hotly, feels her fingers on his knee and sliding up as she leans over and kisses him, on the mouth, teeth at his lower lip.

Alexis is laughing and Rafe is dueling her for second place, apparently, but Castle is curling his hand low at his wife's waist, dropping his cards to stroke her skin.

"Beat you again," she murmurs into his ear.

"Bed," he says back. "Try to beat me there."

She laughs and pulls away, hands drawing back to her lap, catching his fingers before he can do much more. "Soon." Promise and seduction both.

Rafe gives a loud laugh, and Castle breaks his gaze to see his oldest daughter practically in her boyfriend's lap, straddling him no less, and reaching for a card that Rafe holds far out behind his back. Alexis lunges for it, a hand on Rafe's shoulder, and Castle opens his mouth to say something - like, _Hey, get off of him-_

Only to have Kate grab him by the ear. He winces and turns into her tug, glaring, but she shakes her head.

"Leave it."

He knocks her hand away from his ear. "You're gonna make me bleed."

"You - Castle - need to leave them alone," she hisses. Then she's on her knees and standing up, pushing at his head with a hand as she moves past him. "Who wants dessert?"

Alexis startles, laughing, and plants a kiss on the boyfriend, who is fast becoming Castle's least-favorite so far, and then Rafe is lifting her off of him and standing up as well. "I made cheesecake."

Oh, wait. Cheesecake?

"Allie told me it was your favorite." Rafe turns to him, offers his hand to help Castle up. Rick looks at it for half a second, but really, cheesecake wins.

He grabs the proffered hand and stands, pleased that his knees pop and his back too, but he still made it up, can still sit in the floor and play cards with the young kids. Heh, and Kate doesn't even count in that group any more, does she? Of course, she trains like a machine, so her body is always-

Best to stop thinking about Kate's body right now.

"Cheesecake, huh?"

"Yeah. I made two kinds, because Allie said her mom likes chocolate-"

"Oh my goodness, Rafe!" Kate calls out from the kitchen, her voice coming over the bar. Castle turns and finds her staring at the chocolate cheesecake in her hands. "It smells like coffee. Did you put mocha in this?"

Rafe is grinning, Alexis is sauntering forward with a look on her face that Castle has seen on Kate's before, and damn, he does not like that. Not one bit. His wife can look like that, all smug and sensual and self-satisfied, but certainly not his little girl.

Well. Okay. Ellery is his little girl. This is Alexis. Allie.

It takes him a second to follow, but he does. The lure of cheesecake.

At least they're sleeping in separate beds tonight.


	74. Chapter 74

"You didn't replace that dress," he says, brushing his hand over her elbow.

Kate leans against the bathroom sink and wipes the rest of her makeup off, closing her eyes to rub off the mascara. "So?" She opens her eyes, rinses out the soft cloth.

"Why didn't you?" He watches at her in the mirror.

She laughs. "If I remember right, your son interrupted our shopping trip by busting open his head."

His grin matches hers, his hand slipping around her waist as he leans in to kiss her cheek. "Ew," he mutters, wiping at his mouth. "Soapy."

Kate pushes his face away from her. "Let me finish."

He wanders off, back into the bedroom, and she runs water in the sink, then leans over and fills her cupped hands, splashing it over her cheeks and chin, running her thumbs through her eyebrows, rinsing off the face-soap.

She feels Castle at her back, fingertips trailing up her spine, sees him getting his toothbrush out of her peripheral vision. She wipes water from her eyes, still over the sink, feels him push the towel into her fingers.

She takes it, pats her face dry, lifts up to look at him. He's brushing his teeth, smiling around his electric toothbrush, boyish and clever and pleased. She leans in and kisses his cheek, patting him on the back as she goes.

Kate pulls on a pair of boxer shorts, a ratty tshirt with holes along the collar. Used to be his, long time ago, but she's the one who's worn it out. She heads back into the bathroom, forgetting why the moment she gets in there, sees her husband, Castle, the broad shoulders and those thighs, the thick arms. So good. All of him, the picture he presents, the force of his presence, the body she knows so well-

"Ogling me?" He turns and lifts his eyebrows, then pivots back to the sink and spits. Loudly.

She shakes her head at him. "Not now, I'm not."

"What you need?" he says, putting his toothbrush back.

She could go with the embarrassing answer - _I don't know_ - or the better answer.

"You."

He laughs, but wipes his hands on the towel, turns and takes her by the elbows, tugging her against him. She sways into his mouth, a hot kiss, going with it, but he gentles her, fingers at her neck, stroking behind her ear.

"Dress," he murmurs into her mouth.

She breaks away, looking at him. "I am dressed."

His laughter, rich and warm between them. "Yeah, no. I want to take you shopping, now that Alexis and Rafe are here."

"Hm, you want to take me shopping without the kids?" She raises an eyebrow at him. "Why does that sound so. . .dirty, Castle?"

He grins, eyes crinkling up at her, nudging her back to the bedroom. She goes before him; he flips the light off and tries to herd her to the bed. She knocks his hand away, grabs her ipad from the dresser as Castle gets into bed.

"You'll go shopping with me?" he says, sitting up against the headboard.

"Sure. So long as Allie and Rafe don't mind."

At the look on his face, she narrows her eyes, climbs into bed next to him, ipad on her lap.

"Castle."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll ask."

"You honestly have a problem with Rafe?" She turns on her side, the ipad sliding to the bed between them. His face has soured a little, his hands are restless. As she watches him, he leans over and picks the laptop up from the floor. "Castle. You can't possibly. We've known Rafe for two years."

"As her friend."

"Rick." She moves the ipad, lays her fingers over his arm as he opens the laptop. "Tell me you're just being melodramatic."

He fiddles with the power cord, then looks over at her. He's not. He's not?

"Castle. Seriously. This is a problem. You have a problem."

"I know."

"She's not a little girl. She hasn't been a little girl. I thought we worked through this."

"It's just. . .she is though. She's mine. And-"

"She's not, baby. She's not." Kate brushes her hand through the hair at his temple, sighing at him. "You're a great dad. You're beyond great. But now, being a good dad to her means wanting this for her. Don't you want Allie to have this?" She gestures between them, then lays her hand over his heart, thumb stroking his shirt.

He swallows; she can sees his adam's apple bob. "This?"

"I want her to have this. I want Dash to find this too, and Ellery. And I'd never, not in a million years, keep them from it. No matter how old, how young, how awkward, how-"

"I get it."

She leans in and kisses him softly, touches her tongue to his closed mouth until he softens and opens. She scratches his chest and leans back.

"Can you do this, Rick? Because he's going to ask her. Soon. Probably while they're down here with us."

He rubs a hand over his face on a sigh, then turns to look at her. "I can do it. I. . .you're right. I think I am being melodramatic. And I should stop. It's almost instinctual though. When she was in his lap, I just-"

"You do realize that they. . ." Kate trails off, biting her bottom lip, but maybe total immersion is the way to go. Shock treatment. "They've had sex, Castle. They sleep in the same room." She brushes her hand over his arm, down to his wrist, takes his white-knuckled grip off the laptop. "They live together. He touches her. She touches him-"

He lets out a low noise.

"Castle. He loves her. She told me that they're best friends, and she asked me how I knew, when I knew, between us, that it was love. Because she loves him too."

His eyes open, flutter really, and look to her. "What did you say?"

She smirks at him. "What do you think?"

"I think that it's always best to let you answer these kinds of questions for yourself," he says cheekily.

She laughs, rubs her thumb along the back of his hand. "Hm, probably true." She laces their fingers together. "I actually told her that you were the one to convince me of it. Of what I already knew and was too afraid to accept." Kate lifts her eyes to him, smiles. At least that's easy enough. Now.

He grins back at her, shuts the laptop again. "Yeah?"

"You know that's true."

"I recall you saying something about being in love with me. . .back when I apparently threw it all away and spent my summer with Gina-"

"You didn't throw it away, Castle." Kate slides past her ipad and curls up at his shoulder, bringing their hands up between them, kissing his fingers. "Timing wasn't right."

"Did it hurt?" He says softly, sounding curious. Novel fodder, most likely. She's used to that now. Doesn't even mind it, because everyone already thinks that the things Nikki and Rook go through are theirs.

"It was a long time ago."

"Well, yes. But-"

"Of course it hurt," she says softly, chiding him. "But I don't. . .it's not now."

"Oh, I know." His face is innocent when he looks at her. "I believe you. I'm still adjusting to the whole, you were in love with me that second year, thing."

She leans back from him, thumping his shoulder. "I was at least in lust with you, Castle. I'm not sure I'd classify it as-"

"Oh no." He shakes his head. "You can't take it back now. You said-"

"I know what I said," she growls at him, rolling her eyes. "Your turn. Truth."

"I'd rather do a Dare."

"Truth," she insists.

"Okay, fine."

"When you asked me to go to the Hamptons with you, what was your real intent?"

"For you to go with me," he says easily, shrugging at her, smiling a little.

"Come on, play the game," she grouses, staring him down with what she hopes is her best detective glare. Those almost never work on him anymore.

"What you're really asking is when did I fall in love with you. Aren't you?"

She hums at him. "Maybe."

"Well. You're not going to believe me when I tell you."

"Oh, come on. Truth, Castle. I'll believe you."

He grins. "Well, then, under the sacred honor of Truth - I fell in love with you over the interrogation table."

"When was that?" She tries to remember what little interrogation - so many over so many years now - could possibly have triggered-

"My interrogation, Kate. The day I met you."

She laughs, but oh holy crap, he's serious. He's serious about that. "Castle."

"You don't believe me?"

She closes her mouth, blinks at him. She has to believe him. "But. It - you were - I mean, yeah, you flirted like crazy, but you weren't any different with me than any other woman. Conquest," she says, lifting her eyebrows at him.

"That's what you think."

She sits back, giving him a long look, and has to admit that if he thinks this is true, then it. . .it has to be true.

"You said, not like this, right?" He says now, gesturing between them. "And that's the same for me. Nothing's ever been like this. And it wasn't then either. It was puppy love, sure, the kind I easily fall into-"

"Better not be falling into any kind of love with-"

He silences her with a hard kiss, taking her breath, breaks off to stare her down. "You know better."

"Mm," she mutters, but yeah. "I know better."

"But you know what I mean. I put it out there because I wanted it. I wanted you, so I went after you. I asked you to the Hamptons on the entirely slim and barely there hope that I'd get to make love to you, yeah. I did."

Her whole body flushes, hot and ready, and she kisses him this time, no less intense than his own. When she pulls slowly back, lingering over his mouth, he strokes her neck.

"You certainly did."

"I wore you down."

"No one wears me down," she shoots back, kissing him again. "But you definitely made yourself vulnerable, put yourself out there."

"You saying I rolled over and bared my neck?"

She chuckles at that, imagining Castle like that, and really, she can't. "No, not exactly. You just. You believe in love. You think it will work out. No matter what. You have a wide-open heart, Castle."

He looks like he doesn't know how to take that, but shrugs at her.

"Dash has the same," she adds, tracing a finger down the side of his neck, watching his pulse. A little faster since that last kiss. "Wide-open heart."

"Yeah," he says finally, on a sigh. "He does."

"It's a good thing. I'd rather he have your heart than mine."

He squeezes her arms, shakes his head at her. "Don't say that. Your heart is fierce, and loyal, and intense, and deep. Ella has that heart. Mine is so often shallow-"

"No." She brushes her fingers over his mouth. "No. Yours is not shallow. It takes a courageous man to love a heart like mine. A man with patience, and conviction, and _faith_."

For a moment, those words hang between them, crystal and sharp and solid, and then he grins at her, brings her in close for a kiss, something quick but certainly not chaste. "That was rather poetic, Kate Beckett. Or was that Kate Castle?"

She snorts at him, pushes him back. "Write your novel, Richard."

"Oh, really? It's Richard now. Hmm, why exactly did you choose that name? My mother calls me that."

"Because you're being an idiot. And I am a mother."

"But not mine," he says, his voice dark, sexy as hell like that too. She takes a breath but picks up her ipad. Sometimes his too, the big baby.

"You need to work. You haven't written anything in a couple days now."

"Slave driver. Jeez."

"You write a few scenes for me, stud, and I'll reward you. That's no slave driver."

He laughs, but she catches the heat that flares up behind his eyes. Of course, the moment he gets into writing the novel, she'll lose him, and probably whatever heat is there will go right out into a scene.

Oh, but this is Felix. Maybe not. She lifts her eyebrows and scoots back down in their bed, propping the ipad up on her knees, opening up her book.

"What are you gonna do while I write?"

"Read. Now hush. Rook is about to propose. For the first time."

His fingers reach out and glance across her cheek - he's not looking at her, just touching - and then he settles his palm at her shoulder, squeezing. "Thanks, babe."

"Don't call me-"

"You said if I managed to catch a wave, I could call you babe. Well, if I remember right, I caught more than one wave. So babe it is."

"I meant you could say it one time in celebration. Not carte blanche, whenever you feel like it."

"Too bad. You should've drawn up a contract."

She glares at him, shrugs his hand off her shoulder. "Write-"

"Hey," he says suddenly, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. "You know. . .you know I'll be okay. About Alexis. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. I do like him. Despite everything, I do."

She feels something in her relax, nods at him. "Good. You should hear Allie tell their story."

"Their story?"

"He's been in love with her, Rick. For a long time."

His face stills, his eyes pinned to hers, something going on there. And then he nods and looks back to his computer screen, but she can tell it's not over.

"I - uh - I get that."

"I thought you might. He waited for her, for the time to be right. Just like you waited for me."

He nods, and she knows he's got to process this too, has to let it sink in to that wide-open, fiercely protective heart of his. His words, when they come, are soft. "I waited for you because you are so worth it. More than worth it. So how can I dislike any man who feels the same about my daughter?"

Kate slides her ipad away again, wraps her arms around him, her mouth at his neck in a gentle, gentle kiss. He's made her heart so tender towards him. Towards their kids. All his fault she feels like this. "Yes, baby, that's exactly it."

He hugs her back, tightly, his chest rumbling with a little laugh. "Baby."

And damn, she's calling him baby now, isn't she?

She never meant to.


	75. Chapter 75

Alexis hears the soft padding of feet and smiles to herself in the darkness. Ellery is asleep in the bottom bunk, and Allie has just gotten in bed in the top, but she turns over and sees him coming through the connecting bathroom in his plaid pajama bottoms, his black tshirt.

Rafe leans against the ladder by her head with a smile, propping his arms up on the top bunk.

"Hey there," she says softly and lifts up to touch her lips to his. She feels his finger brush her jaw and shivers, pulling back only far enough to look at him. "Crawl up."

"You sure?" he says back.

"Just don't fall asleep in here," she grins, then scoots back carefully in the bed, waiting on him.

"Don't think it's a big enough bed for me to fall asleep," he chuckles, but he's already mounting the steps and crawling up beside her.

Allie wriggles to one end so he has enough room, but he's right. He's too long for the bed, his feet touch the slats at the end of the mattress. He pulls his knees up and she curls into the little space his body hollows out, touching his neck with her fingers.

"Hey there," he says back, finally, and runs his hand through her hair.

"Mm," she hums and turns her mouth into his hand, kisses his palm. "Missed you."

"Saw you all day, Allie."

"Still." She shrugs under his stroking hand, wriggles in closer. She wonders, briefly, if Kate ever feels like this with her dad. She's never seemed to be the kind of woman to need much, anything really, but the need is so sharp, and clear, and it makes Allie want to press herself against his skin, never let go. Does Kate ever feel like that?

How could she not? If it's at all the same, if the way love works is really like this, and Allie thinks it is, then Kate's got to have moments of need. Craving. Missing someone she's been with all day.

"You tell them about what happened at the lockdown unit?" he says suddenly, his voice breaking through her haze.

"No," she sighs.

"You should."

"I know. But. . ."

"But your dad will freak out?" he grumbles in the dark.

"No, my *mom* will freak out. She's the one who has issues. Dad can't say anything, can he? He did the same thing for years, putting himself in danger for the job."

He humphs at her. "Suppose so. Still."

Yeah. She ought to let them know. "At least now I can say that I'm taking judo classes again. That will help with Mom, I think. But I don't want to talk about this right now." She watches him, the pale light coming in the window from the breezeway outside highlighting his dark face. He's concerned, but he doesn't yet know how to ask her to be careful. He'd never ask her to quit, but maybe he thinks her parents would.

They won't. She knows that too.

Rafe slides an arm under her neck and curls it around her, touching her shoulder with his fingertips, making idle patterns. Allie shifts closer, kisses his neck, the stubble at his jaw that no razor can ever really manage to cut back. It's rough against her lips, makes them burn, and she nips at his skin.

He sucks in a long breath, his arm squeezing and holding her closer; she hums and wishes there was a way to be inside his skin, up next to his heart. She has to make do with kissing him.

"Your little sister," he murmurs after awhile.

She grins, but he's right. "Yeah." She shifts back, lets him breathe without her crowding him. "You've been good with them today."

"Ah?" he asks, rolling onto his back, pulling her with him. She glances down and sees he's propped his ankles up on the foot of the bed; he wriggles his toes when he sees her looking.

She giggles and smothers the sound against his chest. "My brother and sister. You handled Dash well; I think Dad was impressed. Honestly, I was impressed too."

"I just did as you said," he murmurs, and she feels his lips brushing the top of her head, his fingers making circles on her back.

"When did I say anything?" She lifts up and looks at him, propping an elbow on his chest.

"Whenever you talk about them. The behavioral therapy stuff."

Her mouth drops open and she can't help the startled laugh. "Are you. . .I haven't said anything about Dash's behavioral therapy in years, Rafe. He hardly sees Julie any more."

"Yeah, but you have talked about it. A few times. And you were telling me about how you thought it was easier for Kate because she's already so much like that, but your dad-"

Alexis leans down and kisses him hard, pushing her mouth against his, cutting off the too-good, too-amazing man. His arms come around her, pull her into him, going with it. She explores the wide angle of his lips, the rough edge of his tongue, until she can't take it anymore.

He's panting when she pulls back, rests her forehead on his chest, feeling his heart beating like crazy.

"What was that for?" he says on a gasp.

She shivers at the feel of him, rubs her fingers over his ribs until he catches her hand, makes her stop.

"For being. . .you," she answers finally. "For paying attention, even back then."

He sighs and shifts onto his side, pulling his body away from hers but keeping their heads together. She understands, knows it's not fair to tease, but wishes she could fall asleep on top of him. Instead, Allie brushes her palm against his cheek, then runs her fingers through his dark, thick hair, over and over the way he likes.

His eyes close and he hums, nuzzling into her neck. She scratches at the back of his scalp, resumes her rhythmic strokes through his hair, feeling his breath slow against the bare skin at her collarbone. He loves to be petted; she loves the feel of his short hair parting between her fingers.

After a moment, she realizes he's fallen asleep.

Allie traces her finger around his eyebrow, over the line of his nose, along his cheekbone, down his jaw, circling back to his slightly parted lips. She always wakes by six these days, so they'll be fine. He can sneak back to bed then.

She places a feather-light kiss at his bottom lip and then turns over, drawing his arm with her, snuggling back into the cove of his body. She sleeps better like this anyway.

* * *

><p>"Mommy?"<p>

No. Not right now.

"Mommy. He's lost."

Huh?

"Who's lost?" Kate murmurs, turning over in bed and being confronted with the entirely too bright sun, and her entirely too awake son. Sun and son. Ug, it's too early for this. She's making Castle-worthy puns in her own head.

"Mommy," Dash says insistently, reaching out and tugging on her arm.

"Baby, you're supposed to turn on your tv and-" Oh, darn. Rafe is probably asleep. Well, that won't work, will it? "Actually, watch tv in the living room, okay, baby?"

"No, Mommy, he's lost."

Lost, lost what? Oh no, the dog?

Kate opens her eyes again, squints to see past the glare of early morning sun. "What time is it?"

"Mom-my," he whines.

Kate lifts her head. "Dashiell. It's five in the morning. The dog can't be anywhere but in this condo; there's no way he could get out-"

"No, Rafe is lost."

She stills, eyes on her son, trying to process. Think, Kate.

"Oh. Okay. Maybe he went to the bathroom-?"

"No. Doors are open. I can see all the way to Ella."

"Okay. Um." Damn, he's going to get her out of bed, get her thinking, isn't he? And then she'll be up. She sighs. Nothing for it. "Show me."

Dash sighs back and heads for the door; she slips out of bed and follows him out, into the living room, down the hall.

Dashiell pushes open his door and he's right. Rafe is. . .lost. The dog is on Dashiell's bed, head down, tail swishing as he watches them. But no Rafe. The second twin bed doesn't even look like he slept-

Ohhh. . .okay.

"Um, I bet I know where he is." Kate glances to the open bathroom door connecting the two rooms, hesitates. "You stay here with Rex for a second while I check."

"I wanna go with you."

She glances down at her son, but surely. . .with Ellery sleeping right below?

Yeah, she trusts Alexis. Should be fine. Kate bends down and picks Dashiell up, squeezing him tightly. "Oof, my man, you are not so little any more, are you?"

Dash wriggles in her arms to get down. "I can walk by myself."

She sighs and puts him back down. He's four, almost five, and she never thought she would miss being able to carry him, have him cuddle up at her shoulder and twirl his fingers in the hair at her neck.

Anyway. Time goes on.

Kate steps through the bathroom with Dashiell following behind her, slips softly into the girls' room and waits in the threshold until she can see.

Rafe's wide shoulders, the angle of his lean torso - that's the first thing. Dash nudges the back of her knees to move her out of his way, so she goes into the room, looks to Ella to make sure the girl is still asleep, then darts her eyes back to the two in the top bunk.

Castle would flip out. But. Oh, it's sweet. Kate can't even see Alexis, except for a lock of that beautiful hair spread out on the pillow just past Rafe's head.

"Mommy?" Dash whispers.

Kate sinks to her knees beside her son and brushes her hand over his head. "Rafe is in the top bunk with Allie. We found him. He's not lost."

"What's he doing up there? Did Allie get scared?"

Kate presses her lips together. "Maybe she just missed him."

Dashiell lifts an eyebrow, a poor imitation of the Beckett special, more Castle playing at Beckett than anything really-

"But he didn't go anywhere," Dash complains. "How could she miss him?"

"Shh, baby. No, he didn't go anywhere. But if Daddy were sleeping in your room with you, and I had to sleep by myself, I'd miss him. And Daddy might miss me."

"But sometimes Daddy does sleep in my room with me," Dash whispers, his mouth falling open.

"Sometimes."

"Does that make you sad?"

Kate shakes her head at him. "No. I miss him. But I'm not sad. Missing people you love is nice. If you miss them, then when they come back, it makes it even nicer."

"If my dog slept with Ellery, I'd be sad."

"Oh." Kate bites her lip, tries to keep from laughing. "Yes. That's true. But I think, when you're an adult, when you miss someone and you know they're coming back, it's not really sad at all."

"It won't be sad for me when I'm bigger?"

She strokes her hand over his cheek, holds him for a moment before kissing his forehead. She hopes so, she really, really hopes so. No more sadness for him; he struggles too much already.

"No, baby. When you're bigger, it's okay. You know how to feel good about it. How to be happy to see them when they come back."

"Do you miss your mommy?"

"Yes," she whispers, and then does pick him up, carries him out of Ellery's room to keep him from waking anyone. "I miss her."

"But she's not coming back, is she?"

"No," Kate says, chews on her bottom lip. She stops at Dashiell's bed, lets him lower his feet to the mattress. He clings to her, holding her around the neck. The dog lifts his head and watches them. "No, she won't be coming back."

"But you'll see her in heaven. So you don't have to be sad, Mommy. Right?"

Her chest constricts. Kate brushes her hand over the back of Dashiell's head. "Oh, my sweet boy. I. . .I'm still sad sometimes. You're right."

Dash lets out a long sigh and then drops down onto his bed. She leans over and pulls the covers up, tugging them out from under the dog. Dashiell curls his arm around Rex, but his eyes are still on her.

"I would miss you Mommy. Even if I was bigger and adult, if you were gone, I'd miss you so much. I'd be sad all the time."

"Oh, baby." Kate leans over and kisses his cheeks, hugs him into her. "I don't want you to ever have to miss me."

He sighs and wriggles away, turning over to hold his dog. "You smell good, Mommy."

She laughs at that and strokes his fingers down the side of his face, all of the sudden looking so adult; he's lost all those soft edges of babyhood. "Sleep tight, sweetheart. I love you."

He makes a mumbling noise which could be the same back, and Kate stands up, not sure when she dropped to her knees beside his bed, but certainly he's knocked her over this morning.

She backs out of his room, shuts the door quietly, then has to lean against the wall for a second, swallow back a sudden and fierce longing. For what, she doesn't know. She misses. . .it. Whatever it is. Her baby boy who has turned into a big kid overnight? Her mother? Something. She can't-

Rick. She misses him, somehow, even though he's been right here, and that's easy to fix.

She heads back to their room, slips inside, and crawls into bed. He's on his stomach, face turned away from her, one arm flung over the mattress, the other curled up under his pillow. His bare back is flushed with his sunburn; she sees the milky white of skin beginning to peel.

She touches her fingers to the skin at his spine, trails slowly up until she can bury her fingers in his hair. Kate leans in and kisses his cheek, hovering over him, taking a deep breath of him.

Dash is right, something about missing someone and the way they smell. She closes her eyes and curls up at Castle's back, being careful not to touch the raw skin, presses her cheek to the top of his head.

It's okay now. She doesn't miss. . .whatever it is. . .quite so much. It's still there, somehow, but it's not sharp, and it fades even as she breathes in and out, filling her senses with her husband.

Once she's had some more sleep, she'll convince him to go running with her, work it out in sweat and miles.

She grins to herself.

Plus, he really loves Sweaty Kate. And she loves the way he loves her.


	76. Chapter 76

He's in the middle of downtown New York, peering over Kate's shoulder as she inspects the body of the dead. He keeps having to grab her, keep her from bending over too far. Jeez, Kate, hasn't she seen all those movies where the guy reaches up and crushes your larynx with his ice-cold, formerly-dead-now-undead grip? Honestly.

The medical team is prodding at the putrified flesh; he keeps his coffee under his nose so he doesn't have to smell the fast-acting rot. Kate leans in again, and he snakes his arm around her waist to hold her away.

She turns to glare at him just when sirens go off down the street. ZombieRaid Sirens.

"Let's go, let's go," someone shouts, and then Castle is hustling her down to the fallout shelter, away from street level, making her go ahead of him, trying not to spill his coffee down her back.

The siren is loud; it rings in his ears, wailing and unconsoled. He shoves Kate down the steps because he can hear the shuffling feet, the moans, the chomping and smacking and thick, wet sound of fresh blood. Kate has a hand on his belt, tugging him down into the fallout shelter after her, and he turns for one final look at the zombies-

"Agh!"

He jerks upright, heart pounding, grabbing hold of the thing that grabs hold of him, trying to breath - jeez -

"Castle?"

Her face, the half-laugh coming out of her mouth lets him know that he's looking pretty stupid, silly, and he realizes he's clutching at her arm and has the other hand fisted in her shirt. Sitting up in bed. In the condo.

Not in New York.

Her cup of coffee on the bedside table. He can still smell it.

"What are you doing?" he asks, breathing hard, sweat dripping down his back. She woke him up at. . .six?

Kate eases out of his grip and he sees that she's dressed in workout clothes; her hand comes up to smooth over his hair.

"What are *you* doing, Castle?"

He nods, runs a hand down his face. "Yeah, no. Having a dream about zombies."

Her eyebrows knit. "Oh, sorry. You okay?"

Castle lifts an eyebrow, grins at her. "Uh, yeah. Don't be sorry. It was awesome. I was this close to getting a good look at a real-live, undead zombie when you interrupted." He sighs for effect.

Kate puts a knee on the bed and leans into him, so fast he almost doesn't catch her (still back with the zombies), and then she gives him a smiling kiss, tender in between the jarring moments of her laughter.

"What?" he mutters, letting her go when she pulls back.

"Nothing. Just. A dream about zombies. Makes me happy."

"Yeah me too, until you woke me up," he whines, but it's only to cover the funny flip that his heart does when she says she's happy, the evidence of it in her kiss and her laugh. "It's six. Why'd you wake me up?"

"Two things." Kate gets off the bed and he notices that she's got her Nikes on as well. "I wanna go on a run with you this morning before everyone wakes up."

"So you woke me up to _run_-?"

"And. More importantly."

He shuts up, waits for it. She puts a hand on her hip, the other held across her torso and tucked up under her chest, that pose he never really, truly paid attention to until Natalie Rhodes started copying it, and now it brings to mind indecision and hesitance. And for what?

She needs a dry erase marker, a whiteboard, and the ensemble would be complete. HesitantKate puzzles out the mystery.

"More importantly?" he prompts.

"I wanted to make sure that Vicki gets to the airport for her flight this morning." She might as well be chewing on her lower lip; she looks so nervous. Aww. Cute Kate.

"Okay."

"I want you to come with me when I go down to their condo."

"Why?" But he's already throwing back the covers, answer enough.

"I think you should be there."

He has no idea what that means. Seriously none. And instead of letting his overactive imagination jump to all kinds of wrong conclusions - like she wants him there for an object lesson - he just asks.

"Why do I need to be there?"

"Just in case." Kate scrapes the hair back from her face and winds a rubber band around it, but she's still got her eyes locked on his. At his silence, she goes on. "In case Austin has a problem with Vicki leaving."

He huffs and stands up. "And I'm there why? To watch you take him down? Hold your gun for you?"

"I didn't bring my gun."

He rolls his eyes and bumps her shoulder with his as he passes. "I know that. Still. What makes you think you can't handle Austin?"

"Not what I'm saying, Castle." She follows him into the bathroom and leans against the door as he goes. "I can take him all right. I just don't want to have to. Not in front of his kids."

"Oh," he says, flushing and then going to wash his hands. He meets her eyes in the mirror. "And how am I supposed to keep it from getting to that point?"

"You're famous."

He laughs, but she's serious. "I'm. . .famous."

"To them you are. I think Austin would be more polite, less likely to embarrass himself, if you're there."

He shakes the water off his hands, dries them on the towel, then turns to her, putting his back against the sink. She looks ready to do battle, with him, with Vickie, with Austin. Anybody in her way. She's gorgeously tenacious. And she loves him. She does battle for him too.

"Come here," he mutters, and throws the hand towel down to grab her wrist, uncross her arms, pull her to his chest.

She stumbles around his wide stance, finds a place for her feet, presses her hips into the cradle of his thighs. "I'm here," she says, drawing on an old inside joke. Never fails to make him smile.

"Yes, you are." He hooks his arms loosely around her waist as she props her elbows on his chest, her fingers rubbing against his tshirt. They stand in silence for awhile, her eyes somewhere over his shoulder, lost in thought, and his own mind going back over things - divorces, exes, relationships that fall apart.

She comes back to them first, lifts off his chest, hooks her fingers in the waistband of his boxers. "You'll come with me?"

"Yeah. Course."

She nods and pops his waistband, gives him a wink. "Must still be too early for you, Castle."

"Why?"

"I set you up, and you didn't even leer at me."

She set. . ? Oh. Come with her.

He sighs dramatically and shakes his head. "Six is an ungodly hour."

"And undead, apparently."

He laughs so hard he has to hold on.

* * *

><p>Kate reaches for his hand in the elevator ride down, loose and easy. She waits, but he doesn't comment, doesn't have to anymore. The comment probably doesn't even enter his head after all this time. Hopefully, anyway. She's a long way from six years ago.<p>

As they walk down the breezeway towards the Farrell's condo, she wonders what will happen to them in six more years. Dash will be turning eleven, Ella close to nine - oh my word, her last baby will be nine - and the two of them? Kate and Rick? What happens to them?

He presses the doorbell, leans against the side of the textured, faux-adobe wall. She shakes her arm, makes their hands swing between them. He gives her a lazy half-grin, turns his eyes back over her shoulder to the sky.

In six years, it won't be the same. Just as it's not the same now as it was then. That's good though. She hasn't any anxiety about it, just curiosity. She wants to know that family, wants to see them. She will see them. Soon enough.

She hears a kid-fit on the other side of the door, straightens up just as Vicki opens it. Claire is right behind her, doing the sulking and tantrum thing.

"Oh," Vicki says, looking startled.

Rick is at Kate's side; she can feel him shift on his feet, knows he's offering a smile. A charming one. In front of her, the effect is instantaneous. Even Claire hushes.

Uh-huh, all the girls, Castle.

"Hey there," he says. "We wanted to stop by and make sure you had a ride to the airport."

Vicki blushes and Claire opens her mouth; Kate braces herself for more yelling, but instead Claire is plaintive. "Mom, please let me go with you. I don't want to be stuck with the boys. Please, Mommy."

Pulling out _Mommy_ is a low blow; Kate can see Vicki tense up.

Castle is pushing at Kate's back, hustling them inside even though Vicki really hasn't offered. They all crowd into the foyer, and Kate can see Austin down the hall, hands on his hips in the living room.

"Claire," Vicki warns. "I told you. Now hush."

Claire stomps off to her room, slams the door. Kate glances to Castle, realizes she's looking to him as if asking permission, and instead takes Vicki's arm.

"If you. . .if you want her to go with you-"

Vicki waves her off. "We don't - there's no way the flight is available. I've been looking online all night. There's just nothing-"

"Do you want Claire with you?" Kate hesitates, not sure she should be pushing, not sure this is her place.

Austin disappears from the living room; she sees bedding on the couch. Beside her, Castle has pulled out his phone.

"I'm calling our travel agent, Vicki. We'll get you on the same flight, you and Claire. Okay? No problem."

"Oh, oh, please don't-"

Kate, caught in that rush of pride and possessiveness that always makes her a little speechless, finds her voice again, shoots Castle a grateful look.

"It's fine, Vicki; don't worry. I didn't know if you'd want company, so I just booked the one ticket. But of course Claire shouldn't get stuck with the boys." Kate reaches out and hugs Vicki hard around the shoulders, smooths a hand down her back like she's one of her kids who needs the comfort. She pulls back, squeezes the woman's bicep. "You'll be okay having her with you?"

Vicki puts a hand to her head, gives a tremulous sigh. "It'll be good. Better. I'll have to keep it together if she's with me instead of bawling like an idiot through airport security."

Kate gives a gentle smile back, sees Austin coming into the living room, skulking at the edges of the scene. Graham opens a door and comes out into the hallway; his eyes are carefully neutral. It makes Kate's heart clench.

"Hey, Graham. Thanks for being such a good guy with Dash," she says, offering him a smile. "He's been practicing on the boogey board we bought him."

Graham nods, but won't be drawn in. He eyes his mother, takes a long look down the hall at his father, then back to Vicki again. "Uh. I'll. . .see you at home, I guess?"

"Of course you will," Vicki insists. "Don't let your father kidnap you, all right?"

Graham gives a little huff of laughter at that, morbid though it is, and his blank eyes evolve into something a little more natural. "I'm going back to bed. See ya, Mom." He turns and opens a different door; Kate can see a still-sleeping Tate in the room beyond.

When the door closes, Vicki slumps back against the wall, turns her eyes to Kate. "He laughs, but I'm not exactly kidding. At least if Claire's with me, I've got leverage, right?"

Oh, shit. Oh, wow.

Kate turns her head back to her husband, overcome.

Castle is talking on the phone with the travel agent he uses for book tours; Kate had her do most of the legwork for this trip as well, back when she got swamped with work and didn't have time. Castle is nodding now and lifting an eyebrow at her. She doesn't know why, shrugs at him with a question on her face.

He covers the mouthpiece and says, "Spell her name. For the ticket."

Vicki startles, a little noise of surprise coming from her mouth, but spells her daughter's name. "E on the end."

Castle nods and repeats that into the phone, listens for a moment, then laughs, agreeing with whatever it is. Kate reaches out and takes Vicki's hand, squeezing.

"You'll be fine."

Vicki nods. "Eventually."

Kate nods back. "But you will be."

Castle grins and thumbs off his phone. "Flight 8153 leaves at 9:08. You both are on it."

"You. . ." Vicki turns stunned eyes to Kate, then back to Castle. "But you. . .I - you bought new tickets? I thought. . ."

"Of course. Easier like that." Castle shrugs, glances down the hall; Kate can see the way his eyes harden, almost imperceptibly, the tic that makes the scar over his eyebrow a little deeper.

Austin comes a little ways down the hall, pauses there. "Ah. Thank you. Claire. . .needs this. So thanks."

Vicki's hand squeezes Kate's, hard, tight, a release for anger and grief that Kate can nevertheless see all over the woman's face.

Castle has gone still. Kate shifts; it brings his eyes down to hers; she gives him a long look. _No._

She knows exactly what he wants to say, knows he has the words ready, wants to say them. But he shouldn't.

_I didn't do it for you._

He doesn't say them, but it hangs in the air anyway.

"We should let you pack," Castle murmurs, and Kate releases Vicki's hand. "We were on our way out for a run."

Vicki nods, looking at him. "Thank you, really. Thank you for this. I'm going to tell Claire."

Castle turns and leads the way back to the front door, pulls it open for Kate to go through. He hugs Vicki as well, asks if Kate has her address, yes, good, and then the door is being closed on their personal pain.

Kate stands there for a moment, her heart thundering, and then Castle takes her hand.

"Let's go, Kate," he says, and it sounds like-

_Let it go._

Which is good advice as well. One she always has trouble with.


	77. Chapter 77

Castle waits for her beside the interstate mile marker, his hands on his knees. She passed him a few miles back, picking up her pace so she could run the last two miles rather than just jog, while Castle finished his usual amount in his usual time. Or a little slower. He doesn't run as fast without the ipod on, the music setting his speed.

They didn't bring water with them either; he's feeling it now. The humidity, even at eight in the morning, is brutal on his body. He's sweat gallons and his shirt is dark with it.

Just then, Kate comes into view over the crest of the hill, lithe and deadly gorgeous, the kind of beauty that could kill a man if he didn't pace himself. Course, Castle would never have held back, but Kate certainly knew how to prolong the chase-

"Hey," she pants, slowing to a stop beside him. "You ok?"

He nods. "Catching my breath."

"Wanna walk back?"

"It's three miles."

She shrugs.

He gives in readily. "Ok. Let's walk."

"Fast, Castle."

"I can do fast," he laughs, falling in line beside her. "How far did you go?"

She shoots him a reluctant look, sighs. "Eleven miles."

Damn. "Kate."

"Had to work it out."

He sighs, but yeah, he knows this about her. "I did eight."

"That's good." She reaches out, squeezes his elbow. "You're sweaty." She wipes her hand on her shorts.

He laughs again, touches the back of her neck with a thumb while they walk, his fingers wrapping loosely around her throat. "So are you," he grumbles, feels the arousal wake in his chest.

She shoots him a look, meant to put him off probably, but she can't manage to hold on to it. Her eyes are too tender for that; she's still working through stuff, most likely. Austin and Vicki, their kids. When she hurts for someone, it makes her soft, makes her lean in for him.

He knows he's right when she doesn't shake him off, only slows a little and chews on her bottom lip before opening her mouth. "You know. I read this study once."

"I love it when you read. It's hot." He gets a little huff of laughter from her, an eye roll, and he feels better for it.

"Anyway. This study. Twenty-five year study on kids from divorced homes."

His thumb at the back of her neck stills; he wonders sometimes if she realizes. . .but she probably isn't thinking about him right now.

"And how the kids seem all right at five years, ten years. How they've adapted, gotten used to the new paradigm, the separate households. But then when those kids try setting up homes of their own, marriage and family, it just falls apart. They can't do it. They ruin it."

His fingers tighten on her neck; he drops his hand, glances off into the trees clustered around the interstate. A car passes on the far side; the pavement is wet with last night's rain but already drying.

"Even the kids that had therapy, that seemed the most normal, they aren't able to make it work. I just - I can't help but wonder about Claire, and Graham and Tate. Tate's already a kid with special needs, so much stacked against him. And a little girl needs her daddy, needs her mom. For so much. Why in the world would a guy who loves his kids ever do that to them? I just-"

"Kate," he murmurs, and she turns to look at him, her face twisted with confusion and hurt and grief for the Farrells, and then she sees him. Sees it. And she stumbles to a stop in the road, her hand reaching for him.

"Oh. No. Rick-"

He tries to shrug it off, but she clutches his wrist, steps in against him, their chests flush. The sweat between them is cool but their skin hot; she lifts her hand to cradle the back of his head even as she sucks in a breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"But that's what I did," he says. He's not sure why it hits him like this. Just that sometimes it does, it grieves him, even though he's got this now, Kate and his kids. He never wanted two divorces, three wives, never wanted to be that guy, but he did that, he put Alexis through that-

"No, oh God, Rick, no. Stop."

"What did I do to Alexis?" he says finally, his chest tight.

"Ignore me. I'm an idiot. I don't know what I'm talking about, and Alexis is fine-"

He presses his forehead against her shoulder, his hand at her back. "Rafe wants to marry her and what landmines are hidden in her psyche because of what I did to her?"

"Hush, Rick. Please stop."

He shivers as the breeze whirls around them; his sweat drying. "She was a little girl. I took her away from her mother and-"

"No. No, listen to me. You did the only thing for her, Rick. The only thing you could do. Yeah, it sucks. And it's not how you would've wanted it. But you did the best you could by her. She's a beautiful woman; she's smart and funny and self-aware and compassionate. She knows her own head; she knows what she's up against."

"But I did that to her. I divorced her mother. Shit, I divorced the second one too, mostly because she wasn't a good enough mother. What the hell did I do to my kid?"

"What you had to. There wasn't any other way. You saved her from worse. We all know how Meredith is. How she was."

"Doesn't mean I didn't break something. I don't want to do that to you, to Ella and Dash. I don't want to screw you up-"

"No. You couldn't. You are a good man, Rick Castle." She tugs his head up, makes him look at her. Kate presses her thumbs into his lips, brushes them over his mouth, out along his cheeks. "I fell in love with a good man. No matter what happens, you will do right by our kids because - the way you love? - it's good and it's selfless and it's generous. I will never have to worry about you."

He wraps his arms around her, tight, unable to control it, feels her hands at his back even though he's drenched in sweat and she hates that. She hugs him harder as if she knows he's thinking that, just to prove to him how much she does love him, and then she presses her lips into his neck.

"I'm so lucky," she murmurs against his ear, her lips soft. "I'm so lucky it's you I married, you I fell in love with. I've been with self-centered, egotistical; I've been with arrogant, and I've fallen all over a guy who was just a pompous ass. But you're not. You're such a good man."

The way she says it, the way she presses her body to his, makes him believe her. Believe that he can be good, be the guy that he wants, deep down, to believe he really is. One of the good guys.

"You're a good man, Rick. And you're mine."

* * *

><p>She's edgy and she wants to make it up to him. And walking beside him with their fingers laced together and his body hot next to her only makes her all the more frustrated. It's a long few miles back to a busy, filled condo and she wants to make it up to him right now.<p>

Kate really hates herself for getting into any of that. The stuff about kids with divorced parents. Jeez, how she just opened her big mouth on that one. She wasn't thinking about Alexis; it didn't even occur to her to think about the fact that Castle has two divorces, or that he might still be sensitive about them.

Of course he would be. He's Castle. It's a failure on his part; she knows him well enough to know the way he thinks. A failure to be man enough, but more than that, a failure in writing a better end to the story. A failure of imagination.

She knows he doesn't regret Alexis, that if there had never been Meredith, there wouldn't be Alexis. He doesn't want that. He's said before that Gina was pointless, a mistake. But Kate sees his marriage to Gina as more like the attempt by a good man to give his daughter what she was missing - a mother, a nuclear family.

It didn't work out because Gina's not a mother, not the kind Alexis needs, and because Rick couldn't figure out how to make her into one. How to let her be one. Kate thinks, privately, that Rick knew, somewhere in him, that it wasn't right and wouldn't work, and that's why he never let Gina close enough to hurt Alexis when it went bad.

He's always needed a partner. A partner and not a taskmaster, not a twinkie, not a mother, not a child. A partner. Someone to do this with, all of this, someone that makes him better just as he makes her better.

Kate's not sure where this falls - wanting to drag him behind a tree and have her way with him - but she's pretty sure it doesn't make either of them _better._

So she tries to hold it in and let the closeness of his body be enough, tries to remind herself that he's a disgusting, sweaty mess, and so is she, but really, all it brings to mind are the numerous times in the shower after she's gone for a run-

"Castle-" she bites out, turns to him, giving up.

His eyes are still a little tortured, but he widens them at the look on her face. "Kate."

"Just. Real quick-"

"Outside?" he gasps.

"There are trees-"

"Remember that time in Central Park?" he mutters, but he's got both hands on her waist and making circles against her hip bones in that way he knows she likes. "And your back was scraped raw?"

Damn. "Still, if you're careful-"

"You know I can't be careful when you-"

"But if you're against the tree?"

Is she really talking about this with him? Like this? The logistics of having him?

Oh, hell, yeah.

"How deep are these woods?" he mutters, and drops his lips to her ear to suck her skin into his mouth. He's gonna mark her doing it like that.

She takes a breath, lets her eyes trail off to the trees behind them. "Not very. Developments on the other side. More condos."

"Can't get lost then?"

She laughs, darkly delighted with him, turns her mouth to his jaw to get at that place he always-

His hips buck the moment her tongue touches him; she grins and does it again, feels his hands clench around her hips, tightly, his growl at her neck.

"This is a pity fu-"

"Hush," she murmurs back, nibbling on that spot and making him moan. "Take what you get."

"Not complaining. Just acknowledging."

"Not pity, Castle." She sucks at his skin and feels his knees go weak, staggers with him on a laugh. She's got him; he's with her. "Not pity at all. Just need."

"Yeah, yeah," he gruffs, his mouth at hers, strangely gentle, his voice a broken whisper when it comes. "I need you too."

She bites her lip to hold back the urge to cry; she didn't want to hurt him. She never wants to hurt him.

Fix it, Kate.

"Find a tree, Rick."


	78. Chapter 78

They mess up; they're human beings. It's what happens. It's never going to be perfect.

Both their life together and also the tree thing. Didn't work quite like he wanted, but it was pretty amazing anyway.

Doesn't mean Rick won't play this for all it's worth; it's rare that Kate messes up quite so spectacularly, with absolutely no regard for his feelings. She learns faster than he does about their relationship, so he's the one, usually, having to grovel and beg and fix things, make it right again. At least lately.

She's got two long grooves down her back, near her spine, from the trunk of the tree. He tried, he really did, but his sunburned skin couldn't take it and the leverage was wrong anyway, so she got pinned instead. She was maybe too busy moaning to let him know she was getting gouged. Or too busy getting gouged-

Castle hums to himself as he key cards the door open; Kate reaches up and smudges at the smirk with her thumb.

"Everyone's gonna know," she mutters, rolling her eyes at him. He drums his fingers against her spine, his hand up the back of her shirt to keep it off the two long scratches.

"Everyone?"

"Our daughter and her boyfriend," she clarifies, pushing him in through the doorway.

He still has his hand at her skin, uses his fingers to tug at her sweaty shirt. "Take this off."

"No. They're all up. In the kitchen," she says back, then pulls away from him, wincing when her running shirt slaps against her skin. Her back arches and he really does feel bad for it, but Kate goes on in. "Hey guys."

Rafe is dishing cheesy scrambled eggs onto plates; Alexis is taking crayons away from Dashiell and handing him a cup of orange juice. Castle steps into the kitchen after Kate, nods to Rafe.

"Ellery still asleep?" Kate says, kissing the top of Dash's head in greeting, rubbing at his hair. Dashiell holds up his picture.

"See us getting surf lessons, Mommy?"

"Yeah. Out," Alexis laughs, sitting down beside her brother and receiving a plate from Rafe. "You guys went for a run?"

"I see, baby," Kate murmurs back.

"You didn't get my note?" Castle asks, frowning. "I left it-" He turns and spies his note on the floor, the magnet having rolled under the fridge. "Oh. Fell off, I guess."

"No, it's okay. Didn't see it, but I figured."

Kate stands between the two chairs at the bar, listening to Dash talk about his picture and running her hand through Alexis's shoulder-length hair; he can see the regret in her eyes. For what she said earlier. He watches his daughter lean in to the touch, then turn and beam that beautiful smile at Kate, and he realizes that Alexis isn't messed up at all. She's had Kate for all the years that mattered; even in high school, Alexis had Kate on her side, keeping him from screwing it up or pushing her away with his over-protective, paranoid self.

His grief-clenched heart eases, just a little, as he watches his wife run her fingers through Alexis's hair, her other hand scratching the back of Dash's head, chatting between the two. It's okay. It has been okay; he doesn't have to worry.

Then Rafe hands him a plate and inclines his head towards Dash. Castle hands over the eggs to his son, seeing that Alexis's boyfriend has waited until they've cooled to let him have his breakfast. And feeling, all over again, that it will be okay. Not only has Alexis had Kate, but now she's got Rafe - a good man who thinks things through, who will do right by her, who agreed to take his only vacation time for the year with his girlfriend's slightly unusual family.

The plate clatters down in front of his son, but he's already turning to Rafe and clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Come with me."

"Dad-"

He silences Alexis with a look, and Rafe follows him out onto the balcony. Rafe looks scared, but Castle is okay with that, a little bit of that, some respect. He positions them so that Alexis can't see their exchange from the bar, leans back against the railing as the sun adds another layer of sweat to his skin.

"Mr. Castle, I-"

"It's Rick." Or Dad. But later. He can't do that yet, but soon enough. "Call me Rick."

Rafe's face blanches, but it's more surprise than horror. He thinks. Hopefully. "Uh. Rick. I didn't mean any disrespect this morning-"

"You can make breakfast all you like." Castle shrugs him off, drops his elbows onto the railing, looking out over the ocean. "I know I make a big deal about it, but it was purely defensive on my part. Someone had to make Alexis breakfast as a little kid, and I wanted to do right as her only parent, you know? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I figured I'd make a production of it. I do the same for Ella and Dash now, but really it's to get Kate to eat something before she leaves, and let the kids see her too."

Rafe looks stunned now, at a loss, so Castle shuts up, shrugs. Making his kids' breakfast has been his thing, sure, but he can share that with Rafe. Why not? Rafe's here for a couple days of vacation and Castle will have special time with his kids - all three of them - all week long.

"Thank you," Rafe says finally. "I - uh - I didn't realize what it meant to you. Breakfast. I can stop."

Castle frowns over at him. "I just said it was fine. Really. You're the professional, right?"

Rafe just studies him for a moment, carefully, as if Castle is a predator playing some kind of game. Castle shrugs at him and glances out over the water.

"I called you out here for a talk, man to man."

"Uh," Rafe clears his throat, is about to speak, but Castle cuts him off.

"I should say, husband to, uh, almost-husband." Rick blows out a long breath, pushes past the decidedly unmanly clench of panic just saying the words brings him.

"Oh."

"If there's ever. . .and there will be. . .so when there's a problem. Between you two. I want you to come to me, Rafe." Castle finally finds the strength of will to turn and look the man in the eyes. He sees Rafe's slow dread build up behind his eyes. Good. The kid doesn't want to have this uncomfortable conversation either. "Look, I've been through probably eighty percent of the problems you can possibly have with a woman, with your wife, and I know my daughter. Kate knows my daughter. So you come to me, to us, when something happens. When it feels totally messed up. Because it's not irredeemable. It can still be saved."

"Uh. I-"

"I'm not interested in taking sides. Do you see what I mean? Because repairing the rift, or mending the broken parts, or just sitting you guys down to squabble, that is being on Alexis's side. That's the best thing for her. Making you guys work, making your relationship succeed."

"You think we'll have problems?" Rafe asks, his face crumpling. "Do you see-"

"No, no. Not what I mean. I just. I want you to know that it's not always easy. Marriage. But that you'll be family. You already are family. So you have a place here, people who care about you, about both of you together. People who want you guys to make it, not mess it up."

"I - I don't know what to say."

"Just. Say you won't give up on her." Castle meets Rafe's eyes, tries to imbue his gaze with all the intensity of the feeling in his chest, the absolutely desperate need for Alexis to be okay, to not be messed up, not be saddled with his own problems. To not end up like Vicki, terribly alone and heart-broken with three kids who need her to be mom.

Shit. He hopes Kate got Vicki's contact info; he's gonna have to call or check up on them in a few months. Make sure there's not anything else they can do. . .

"Say you won't walk out. Say you'll fight for her," Castle insists, feeling his throat close up.

Rafe levels him with a hard and steadfast look. "I won't ever give up on her. I will always fight for her. I have been fighting for her, ever since I met her."

Rick breathes out, closes his eyes briefly, then nods. "All right. Okay." He watches Rafe a moment more, but the man's gaze is unwavering. He knows, Rick more than anyone, that no one can make promises like this and be expected to live up to them, but it's what marriage asks of everyone, isn't it? Make a promise and stick to it. And that's all he's asking now. He's not asking for perfect, because it's not; he's just asking that Rafe not quit.

He turns and opens the balcony door, sees Alexis coming for him, concern and guilt written all over her face. Kate is gone - must have headed for the shower - and Dashiell sits eating his eggs at the bar.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry, but we fell asleep. We didn't do anything-"

Rafe clears his throat, shakes his head shortly at Alexis, but Castle catches it.

"You didn't *do* anything?"

Alexis goes white, shoots Rafe a panicked look. "Ray?"

"Jeez, Allie," he moans, covers his face with his hand.

"What exactly weren't you doing? Why are you so sorry?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," Alexis says, grabbing Rafe by the elbow and herding him back towards the kitchen. "Dad, I think Mom said to come find her in the shower?"

"No, she didn't," Castle growls, narrowing his eyes at his daughter. "We just-"

"You just what?" Alexis gasps.

Oops. Keep interrogating his daughter and in turn get interrogated? Or go find Kate in the shower, just in case she really does want him to hop in? Maybe keep the soap from running down her back and into those scratches?

"I'm gonna find Kate. You. . .you two don't fall asleep next time. Or - or - you know what I mean."

Castle glares down at his daughter a moment more, then turns and hightails it for his bedroom.


	79. Chapter 79

"Ow, ow, ow," she hisses, back arching. "Castle."**  
><strong>

"Sorry. Hold still."

She shivers in the chill of the air conditioning, reaches back to twist her hair up and off her neck. Castle dabs antibiotic cream to the scratches, a hand on her shoulder to keep her in place.

"Hurry. It's cold."

"I don't think we can get band-aids on this, Kate."

"It hurts."

"Now who's the baby?"

Her skin pimples with goose bumps and she rubs at an arm, searching the bathroom counter for a rubber band. "Hey, get me that."

He glances where she points, leans forward to grab the hair band; his shirt brushes her back, warm and soft. When he hands her the rubber band, she quickly winds it around her hair, creating a messy bun. The towel is pooled at her feet and she shivers again.

"Get me that, whining. What happened to Detective Beckett?" he grumps, the light touch on her skin belying his words.

"You left her in New York. Be grateful. And why can't I put a band-aid over it?"

"It won't fit. It goes from here to here," he says, drawing a line down her back. She shivers again.

"A bunch of band-aids?"

"Okay, Dash," he drawls. "You can't use the whole box just because it makes you feel better."

"I don't want to get sand in it." She peers over her shoulder but she can't see what he's doing. "What was your talk about? With Rafe."

"Oh, just. Man stuff."

She huffs at him, but he doesn't give her anything more. She figures it's about the divorce stuff, the stuff she unthinkingly brought up, but he hides his hurts under layers of humor and wit and a feigned nonchalance. It's difficult to get at the real Rick sometimes. She knows it will come if she just stays with him, keeps at him, hounds him like he always wants to hound her. It'll work it's way to the surface. Sooner rather than later, probably.

"I'll try a band-aid," he murmurs, drops a kiss to the back of her neck. She catches the side of his face with her fingers, scratches at his stubble.

"Thanks, baby."

He laughs, blows his breath across her skin. "You said that on purpose."

"I did. Reward."

"Uh-huh. I'm on to you."

"Doesn't mean it won't work."

"True," he mutters. She can hear him ripping apart the paper on the band-aid, feel his concentration. "Okay, I'm gonna try these big knuckle band-aids. I can maybe layer them all the way up on this side."

"The other scratch doesn't hurt," she offers, glancing back to look at him. "So maybe just this one?" She wriggles her right shoulder blade in indication.

"Okay. I'll try. How did I get you this bad?"

She hums and raises an eyebrow at him; he grins back.

"Yeah, yeah, ok."

"At least it wasn't your back," she says. "With that sunburn. . ."

"Yeah. Thanks for taking one for the team."

A startled laugh bursts out of her throat. "Ahh, my pleasure. Literally. Actually. Let me heal first. Then we'll talk."

She feels his thumbs press a second band-aid into place, skimming her skin with his knuckles. Honestly, she could go again just from the warmth of him at her back-

"Oh, crap. Castle. My pill. It's in my makeup bag. Get it." She reaches her hand out towards the counter, curling her fingers. "And my water bottle."

He moves past her, grabs the cosmetics bag and hands her the whole thing. "Suddenly you can't walk?"

"Get my water bottle," she says, digging through it for her birth control. "I forgot to take it this morning before we left."

"Does that. . .do anything?"

"No." She hesitates, glances up at him as he comes back from the bedroom with her water. "Well. Shouldn't."

"Shouldn't?"

"Well, Dash-"

"Ah, yes. Dash is the exception to every rule." He waits until she's popped the pill in her mouth, hands her the water. She swallows it down, puts the cosmetics bag back on the counter herself.

"Kind of a once in a million thing, right?" she asks.

"Taking your pill a few hours later. . .surely that doesn't really; I mean it can't. . ." He lifts an eyebrow at her.

"No."

He waits.

"No," she insists. "Scientifically, no."

"But magically?" he asks, rolling his eyes. Castle leans down and picks up her towel, hands it to her. "We just talked about this."

"It can't. I won't. I really won't. Besides, when I got pregnant with Dashiell, I didn't miss a day or even a couple of hours. Believe me. I was paying attention. It was. . .a miracle. Magic. Whatever." She wraps the towel low around her back, easing her skin away from the cloth.

He sighs at her but he's smiling at her word choice; he reaches for her elbow, turns her around to inspect her back. "One more band-aid at the top. Then you're done."

She brushes her fingers over his forearm, leans back to kiss his cheek. "Thanks. Be quick. I don't want Allie and Rafe to feel like they're always baby-sitting."

"They may be, the way we go at it."

"Castle!"

"I meant - no, I meant." He stops, sighs. "Right. Let's be quick."

* * *

><p>Castle goes in to check on Ellery when everyone's ready for the beach. She's still asleep, mouth open, hair skewed all over the sheets. Somehow she's managed to turn around, so that her head is at the foot of the bed. Weak sunlight from the open breezeway spills in her window, across the floor.<p>

"Ella," he whispers, strokes a finger down her arm.

She stirs but doesn't wake.

"Ellery," he calls. He brushes a strand of hair from her face, sees her eyes flicker. "Hey there."

She whines and buries her face into the bedcovers, turns away from him. Castle grins and leans in, pressing her down into the mattress with a loud kiss.

"Wake up, baby girl."

She reaches back and slaps at his cheek.

"Oh, no, no. No hitting. Even if you're sleepy." He drags her from the bed by an arm and a leg, catches her as she falls.

Her eyes startle open; she clutches at him, then whines again. "No. Tired."

"Time to get up. It's nine o'clock and we all wanna go to the beach."

"Sleep, Daddy, please?" She gives him those limpid blue eyes, all soft and sleepy and pleading, her fingers curling in his shirt.

"You'll thank me in a few minutes. Time to get up."

She whines and buries her face into his chest, snuggling closer. Castle stands up and carries her like a baby out of the room, meets Kate in the hall.

"Here's the undisputed champ," he says, shifting Ella up onto his shoulder, rubbing her back with a hand.

Kate leans around him, a flash of long, sun-brown arm as she lifts her fingers to brush the hair away from her daughter's face. "Ella, want to go to the beach with us?"

Ellery whimpers and hides her eyes in his shirt. He shrugs at Kate. "You guys go on. I'll do swimsuit, sunscreen, and then take her with me to the rental office to see about the pet fee. Then we'll come find you guys. I don't think Dashiell is willing to wait."

She glances over her shoulder to where Dash is jumping over his boogey board, one hand on his dog for balance. "At least Rex seems okay with being. . .manhandled."

"He picked a good one," Castle admits. "Now you guys go."

"No dogs on the beach," she says.

"I got it, Kate. I'll make sure he's got water and can't get out on the balcony. No problem."

He hoists Ellery up in his arms while the rest of his family troops out, Dashiell shooting his dog longing looks as they leave.

Castle closes the door on them, pulls his head back to see his daughter. Ella has fallen back asleep on his shoulder, drooling on him, a hand curled in the collar of his shirt. He glances down at the dog; Rex is wagging his tail gently from side to side, eyes on Castle.

"Well. Just us." He bounces Ella in his arms until her eyes open, then smiles at her. "Come on, Ellery. You say good morning to Rex?"

Her head picks up; she peers down at the dog. "Dashy's dog."

"Yeah. Wanna pet him?"

"I pet him."

Castle lets her down, straightening her twisted pajama top as she reaches out for the dog's head. Rex licks her fingers and noses into her neck. She giggles and looks back up at her father, blue eyes still a little sleepy, both hands gripping the dog's neck to keep from toppling over.

"Wet nose."

"Yeah, it is. You ready to put on your swimsuit? You and me have to stop by the office before we go down to the beach."

"Office?" He can read on her face that she's thinking about his study; he takes her by the shoulder, turns her around towards her room, flipping the light on as he goes.

"The office for the condo. I'll show you. Let's get dressed."

"New one, Daddy."

"Sure, cricket. You can wear your new one." Castle grabs her new swimsuit from where Kate hung it over the bathroom door (navy with light blue polka dots), drops it in the floor next to her. "Start stripping."

Ellery wriggles around, trying to stomp her pajama pants off, gets knocked down by the dog who has followed them into the girls' room. Castle moves Rex to one side, tugs her pants off, shoos her into the bathroom.

"Go potty."

"Need help."

"I'll help. Just go." He follows her in, sinks down to the tub, watches his daughter concentrate. He remembers doing this for Alexis too, getting just the right amount of toilet paper for her, cajoling her into flushing it for herself. Ellery has no qualms about it; she seems to like the noise it makes. Both girls were easy to potty-train, compared to Dash. Ellery almost did it all by herself. Jim told him that Kate was the same. Kate actually blushed when her father told them that.

While he's daydreaming, Ellery starts climbing the cabinets to get to the sink to wash her hands. Castle grabs her, hoists her up. "No more climbing the bathroom. You got in trouble with Mommy for pulling down the towel bar. See those big holes you left in the wall?"

"Big holes," she says gleefully, splashing her hands in the water as he tries to help her suds them up. "I a monkey."

"No, you're not. You're my little girl."

She giggles and rinses her hands off, then turns and pats them on his shirt. "All dry, Daddy."

He huffs at her, lets her down. "Cute. Now go get your swimsuit on."

"Need help."

"Of course you do. Go, go, little monkey."

He follows her back into room, trips over the dog standing right there, and thinks this might be one of those days.

Oh yeah. He'll have to also explain to the office about the holes in the bathroom, pay for that as well.


	80. Chapter 80

Not for the first time, he's really glad he's rich. And kinda famous helps too. The woman in the office drew up an invoice for repair work for the bathroom while she called the condo's owner. Castle got on the phone and explained about the dog, his son's birthday, all of that, and then pulled out the charm.

And then pulled out his wallet.

He carries Ellery on his shoulders as he heads down the boardwalk, his hands on her knees to keep her steady. She clutches a fistful of his hair, drums her feet into his chest. His neck is starting to ache where the sunburn is getting rubbed raw, but it's only for a little while longer. He can deal.

When he steps down onto the beach, he spots Alexis and Rafe sitting side by side right at the shoreline, and then his wife and son farther back, near their towels.

Kate sees them first; her face splits into a laughing grin as they approach. "Hey there. Conquering hero."

He grins back. "Hey. You could say that."

"Dog?"

"We're good."

"How much did it cost?" She raises an eyebrow at him, draws her hand over Ellery's leg to wiggle her foot.

"You don't want to know."

Kate opens her mouth then shuts it, turns back to Dashiell who is flinging sand. "Dash."

"Sorry, Mommy."

"Dig in the sand a little farther away from all our stuff," Castle says, nudging the boy with his foot. Ellery grips him around the neck and tries to swing down; he catches her before she can complete the maneuver. "Ella."

"Down, Daddy."

"Words are infinitely better than falling on your head. What did I say about climbing?"

"No bathroom. You not-"

"No more climbing, cricket." He sees Kate's smirk from the corner of his eye as he sets Ellery down in the sand. She sprints for a shovel and bucket, snatches them up to follow her brother a little ways off.

"Oh, the bathroom. That reminds me-"

"I told them. The repairmen are coming by later tomorrow."

Kate nods. "And that was probably expensive too."

"They made out an invoice, but I told them I'd just pay for it all when it was done. Less hassle. Makes nice with the property owners too. Hopefully."

He drops down to the beach towel, leans back on his elbows as Kate sits beside him. She pulls the paperback copy of The Preservationist out of her bag, opens it up on her knees, but she's still watching him.

"Yeah?" He glances out at the ocean, the brilliant light on the water, the flicker of his oldest daughter's hair at the edge of his vision. Rafe is holding her hand, drawing hearts in the sand together. He sighs.

Kate nudges his shoulder. "Birthday party."

"Oh yeah. I figure we can get what we need in town."

"That's your deal, Castle. Just want to make sure you have time to do it."

"Yeah, I have a plan." He fights a yawn.

"Care to share with the class?"

"Yeah, sorry. Man, I'm tired. You wore me out."

"And you scratched me all up. Fair's fair-"

He laughs and turns his head to her. "That's. . .not what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter, Beckett."

She leans against his arm, pushing, until he topples backward. She smirks, then settles down on her stomach beside him. He's content to lie there, reaches a hand out to brush her neck.

Her lips glance off his palm, then her teeth nip at him. He laughs, startled by the move, and rolls onto his side, propping his head in his hand.

"So. The plan for Dashiell's birthday."

"Right. I'm going to decorate for Halloween, like usual, but I'm looking to do a jungle kind of theme. Dinosaurs was the idea originally, so I'll still do some of that. I brought some stuff."

"In the duffle bag? I saw it."

"Yeah. His gifts are already wrapped too."

She reaches over and flips the hair off his forehead, like she just can't stand it anymore. He grins at her and watches her eyes, suddenly struck by the everyday look of her, the normalcy of having Kate Beckett in front of him, watching him with no particular intensity or tension, just here. He remembers, as if in a dream, a time when he loved her but knew he'd never be able to have her. A time when sitting with her, sharing a look, was fraught with all the things he couldn't do.

And now he has her. And she looks at him like that, smirking, clever, indignant, frustrated, aroused - not only looking at him, but she looks to him, references him, orients around him. He can't explain it, can't believe how good it is.

Kate's fingers slide over his tshirt; her eyes are thoughtful as she regards him. "What's going on in there?" she says softly, tapping his chest.

"Nothing. Just amazed."

"Amazed?"

"By you."

She lets out a little surprised breath. "Rick." She says nothing more, but he hears all he needs to know in that one name.

He feels like explaining. He always likes to talk, to try to wrangle words into meaning for her. Especially when she's staring at him, speechless. "I know you. That's amazing. It keeps surprising me how well I know you, how well you know me. How something that started out like it did has turned into this."

She sucks in a breath and he thinks, maybe, she was holding it before that. "Partners," she says after a moment, and then lays her head down on her crossed arms, cheek to her wrist, her back to the sun, her eyes on him.

He nods, reaches out to trail his fingers lightly over the band-aids ranging up her back. "Like this. How we love. Sometimes it hurts. But it's worth it."

She's not crying, but her eyes are bright. He gives her a moment, glancing over to the kids digging a hole in the sand, then roaming to where Allie and Rafe are standing in the ocean, water to their knees, still talking closely. When he looks back to Kate, her eyes are closed.

"Kate?"

Her eyes open. She can't seem to say anything, find words, and he's used to that too. He smiles at her, let's her know it's okay, and she closes her eyes again. Breathing. Beautiful. Basking in him. That's what it is, isn't it? Absorbing his words the way her skin absorbs the sunlight.

Rick leans forward and brushes his lips against her temple. He wants to say more, but he finds he's got nothing. His throat is closed up with it, for once, and all he can do is lay his palm at her cheek, spread his fingers along her skin, and hope the touch conveys everything else he meant to say.

* * *

><p>When Alexis and Rafe come sit on the towels in front of them, Kate sees it on the girl's face. Hesitant and halting. Like she's in trouble. Or has bad news.<p>

"Allie?"

Rafe nudges his girlfriend's side, and she shoots him a look. Castle, still stretched out on his stomach, sits up.

"I should've told you guys this awhile ago. I meant to."

"What?" Castle says, crossing his legs, dropping his elbows to his knees. Kate glances at his face but he looks like he's going for 'cool dad' once more. For her part, she has no idea what Allie might want to tell them, but it doesn't look good, the girl telling them together like this. Allie usually comes to Kate first, lets her soften up Castle.

"Remember when I told you about my job at Youth Villages and how, during our training, they threw a chair at me?"

Kate cracks a smile. "Yeah."

Allie isn't smiling. "Well. I was working at the lockdown unit for the girls at the beginning of the summer-"

"I remember," Kate says. For some reason, she can tell that Allie is mainly talking to her. Castle is hear to clam *her* down, not the other way around. It makes her mouth go dry.

"I'm the crisis counselor, which means whenever there's a problem, I'm the one who goes in and tries to restore order."

"Restore order," Kate repeats flatly.

"During a fight. Or a - a riot."

"A riot." Kate glances to Castle, sees the color draining from his face. At least he didn't know about this either. "Was there a riot?"

"Of a sort." Allie bites her bottom lip and looks over at Rafe. "I should've told you. But I was fine, really, and I didn't want a lecture-"

"You were fine?"

"She went to the ER," Rafe says evenly. "She was admitted for two days with a concussion and a broken rib."

"Alexis," Castle gasps. "What happened?"

"I ducked," Allie jokes weakly, giving them a small smile. "The chair was just. . .a little heavier than I expected. Caught me in the chest. And then I - I'm not sure, really. A couple staff members grabbed me. Most of it is blank."

"Allie. Oh my God." Kate feels her chest squeeze tightly in response. "You can't-"

"I can." Allie shakes her head, but her eyes are intense. "This is why I didn't tell you right away. I'd been telling the manager that we needed more people, we were understaffed, we had too many girls on the unit, but they'd been dragging their feet. After I was hospitalized, they got their act together. And now-"

"Allie." Kate can't speak, can't get out the torrent of words she wants to rain down on this girl. "This is too dangerous not to-"

"It's not anymore. That's why I'm telling you now. Yeah, I've gotten a few punches, a few hits. But I went back to judo, Kate, and I'm quicker on my feet. Also, Youth Villages hired ten extra staff members for the lockdown unit. And finally-"

She pauses, squeezes Rafe's hand, but Kate is still stinging. Not from the news that Allie was in the hospital this summer - no, that's bad, but it's a numbness in her - it's that Allie called her _Kate_. Stupid, to dwell on that one thing, but it runs over and over in her head.

"They've agreed to promote me. To an on-call crisis counselor. So I'd be going in after the fight, after the big blow up, and I'd work with the girls on implementing a plan for success. Much safer. I'd only be on the unit for one weekend every other month. So it's all fixed, guys; no need to worry."

"No need to worry!" Castle looks like he's going to. . .something. Kate breathes past the shock and reaches out, puts her hand on his knee. He cuts his eyes back to her, and for once, for once, the look they share is equal parts upset, hurt, frustrated.

"It's been handled," Allie says. "Really. It's better on the unit. And getting put in the hospital made them pay attention. Gave me the chance at this job too, which I might not have gotten before."

Kate squeezes Castle's knee and he looks back at her again; she feels her tension melt a fraction, sees the same happening in him. Another long breath and she thinks she can speak without yelling. Not yelling would be best.

"Alexis," she starts, stops again when she realizes she's talking to the woman like she's still a fifteen year old girl. Still - even - a twenty year old. "Allie. I - you've waited too long to tell us."

"I wanted to be able to defend myself."

"It's good you're going to judo again-"

"No. Not self-defense. I meant against you. Against you guys. Defend my job."

The tension returns, spirals tighter in Kate's chest until the words can't get out again. At her side, Castle shifts forward.

"Defend your job. So. You think we'd be hypocritical. That's what you're saying."

Allie opens her mouth, shuts it. Rafe is giving her a meaningful look, and Kate gets the impression that he wanted to tell them long ago. That he disagreed. That helps. Some.

Kate realizes her hand is still on Castle's knee, removes it to knit her fingers together, keep herself centered. But it doesn't work. It's worse. At least when she touches him, there's the sense that this is shared.

Castle, this time, reaches out and hooks his finger over her wrist, brings their hands together.

"Allie, this is because of me?" Kate asks, lifting her eyes to the girl. She thinks of Alexis as her own, if not always as a daughter, then a sister for sure, but more - more even than that. Hers, something she has a part of, a stake in. "You thought I'd. . .tell you to stop."

Allie nods, mouth closed.

"This is. . .this kind of thing - the sacrifices someone is willing to make for the important things, for a job that helps other people. . .Don't you know that your dad and I went through this years ago?"

Alexis watches her a minute then slides her glance over to her father. "I - I know you did."

Kate feels her heart pound suddenly, something like shame on her cheeks as she looks at Castle. "I don't mean your dad." Her palms sweat and she bites her lip. "Although I - we should have talked about that. Back then. We didn't." She put him in danger, worried about him getting home to his daughter, but not the way she wants him to get home to Dash and Ella, not the way she wants to make it home herself.

And that was a failure.

Castle squeezes her hand, shakes his head at her once, a _no Kate_ she needs but wishes he didn't have to say.

"You mean - you. Doing your job," Alexis says quietly. She glances to Rafe, then back to Kate. "When you were pregnant with Dash, with Ella, what did you do?"

"Wait." She holds up a hand, rubs the bridge of her nose. "Just. Hold on. Back to you. And the lockdown unit."

Castle takes over when she stalls out again. "It's not the job, Alexis. Like Kate said, we know about that. You do important work; those girls need someone who understands and will listen, who will give them a second and third and one hundredth chance. It's not the job. It's that you kept it from us."

Kate nods. That's it. That's what hurts.

"You were in trouble, you were in the hospital, pumpkin. We should've known."

Rafe lets out a sigh and speaks up. "God forbid this happens again. But if it does, I don't care what she says. I'm calling you next time."

Kate's chest eases; she has a thing about being in control, about _knowing_, and she gets it, she does. It's her deal, her damaged psyche, her eternal issue. But Rafe - he just gave her something, a promise, a way of knowing. Being certain. She could hug him.

"Rafe-" Allie starts.

"Thank you," Kate says, and something in her voice cuts through Allie's indignation, makes the woman look at her. "Allie. You. . .please don't do that again."

Alexis startles, opens her mouth, closes it. Kate glances away, lifts her eyes to the ocean, then to her kids still playing in the sand, oblivious and innocent. She hears Castle murmur something to Alexis, but she doesn't catch it. She realizes, strangely, that somehow she made this about herself, and that maybe, it already was, it had been, and that's why Alexis hadn't been able to tell them. And that hurts too.

"Mom."

She turns her head, sees Allie leaning towards her, arms out; she catches the woman's hug, embraces her back.

"It's fine now, I promise. It's as safe as it can be."

Kate nods into her hair. "I know. I understand. The job. I'm okay with that."

"I won't do it again. I'll call you."

Kate squeezes harder, finds her eyes slipping shut. "You're mine, Allie. You're mine and I can't. . ."

"I am. I know. I'm sorry."

She feels Castle at her back, the pressure of just his hand, and her eyes fly open; she remembers they are on the beach, the little ones are close, and she lets go.

She lets go.


	81. Chapter 81

Alexis and Rafe stay on the beach while he and Kate take the kids up to the pool. Dashiell sits out on a lounge chair next to his mother, sunglasses on, playing games on her ipad. Castle's not sure why, exactly, except that their son has always been attuned to her, and maybe he feels he ought to stick close.

Rick and Ellery swim in the deep end together; Ella mostly riding on his back and telling him where to go. He's so glad to hear her talking this much that he lets himself be ordered around, helps her on and off the ladder, treads water so she can jump off the side and have him catch her.

She likes going all the way under and then wriggling clumsily to the top. Rick only has to help drag her up a few times; he's proud of how strong she is, how fearless, but it does make him wish she were more cautious.

"You remember the rules, Ella Kate?" he murmurs to her when he brings her up out of the water and sets her on the ladder again.

"Rules, Daddy."

"What's the rule about jumping off the side?"

"Have to look."

"Daddy has to be looking. And I have to say you can go. You can't jump before I say go."

"Go, Daddy."

"That's right. You ready?"

"Ready, ready, ready!" She does a little hop in excitement and Castle snags her arm, giving her a serious glare.

"No. Never. No running, no jumping. That's always a rule."

She sets her jaw, her eyes darken, but he knows she was just excited and is trying to cover up how hurt she feels to be reprimanded for it. But he won't back down on this one.

"No running, no jumping on the side."

Ellery glances over at her mother, finds no help - they're too far away to hear anyway - and then she squats down on the concrete and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Fine, pitch a fit. But you won't be getting back in."

Ella's limpid eyes turn to him, shining blue and sweet, but he won't be snowed by it. He's not stupid; she has to agree to the rules. Ellery may have him wrapped around her finger, but Kate has him trained. He's learned from the best when it comes to this kind of thing; Kate's made him promise not to make her the bad cop in their parenting. He really does try.

So Castle makes a move like he's going to hoist himself out of the pool, and Ellery drops her pout, stands back up.

"No running. No jumping on the side, Daddy. I not jump."

He sinks back down into the water, watching her closely, but she looks repentant. "All right. Good girl. Wanna jump back in the pool? That's the only jumping you can do."

"Yes, please," she says demurely, her jaw still in a stubborn set, but her shoulders hunched, her voice subdued.

"Okay, cricket. Get ready."

She flashes him a little smile and lines up her toes on the edge of the pool, her arms out, the joy steadily building in her face again. "Ready, Daddy?"

"Ready. Go."

She flings herself off the side and Castle has to quickly back up so he won't get landed on; she drops like a pebble, eyes closed, blowing bubbles out of her nose like he taught her this summer. He waits a moment, but she's disoriented, pushing sideways, so reaches down and lifts her to the surface.

She breaks the water and laughs out loud, eyes opening brightly, lashes wet, hair dripping, practically shivering in her excitement.

"Again, again."

"Okay, we'll go again." Castle swims with her back over to the ladder, only occasionally needing to prop her up as her strokes falter. Ellery clutches the metal and turns back to him, lunges at him at the last second, wrapping her arms around his neck. He catches her, surprised, feels his body sinking under her weight and kicks up again.

"Love you, Daddy."

He grins and kisses her cheek. "I love you too, Ellery." He won't mention that jumping off the ladder at him to give him a hug was breaking the rules, not now. He doesn't want to ruin it.

"Again," she says with relish and releases him, pushes off his chest to get back to the ladder.

"Again, cricket." Castle watches until she's managed to climb up, then swims back out to his spot, waiting on her.

Ellery lines her feet up at the edge, gives him another proud and dazzling smile, then calls out. "Ready?"

"Ready. Go."

And she launches herself out into the water again.

* * *

><p>Kate looks again over at her son, watches his lethargic play with her ipad. He quit Cut the Rope (which is at least teaching him about physics and cause and effect) to start up Fruit Ninja, which is about as mindless a game for him as can be. She was sorry when Castle bought it for him - no redeeming value - but it does let him zone out for awhile. Which might be good.<p>

She lowers the head of the lounge chair and flips over onto her stomach, laying her book on top of her beach bag, feeling the sweat start to cool on her back. She turns her face so that she can watch Dashiell next to her.

She can still hear Castle and Ellery down at their end of the pool, Ella flinging herself off the side and into the water. The way Castle lets her drown for awhile makes Kate twitchy, so she chooses not to watch. He gets offended by her word choice on that one anyway.

Dash uses a hand to flip the towel off his legs, laying the ipad in his lap again. Kate reaches out across the short distance between them to feel his swim trunks - they do seem dry now. She'll let it go.

Kate pushes a strand of hair out of mouth, tucks it behind the earpiece of her sunglasses, cradling her head in her arms again. Dashiell flicks his finger over the screen, slicing up fruit as they're tossed in the air, but then he quits even that, exits out of the game without even finishing.

She hopes this isn't her fault. Dashiell has this peculiar ability to shift with the changing winds of her mood. She hates that he's so susceptible to her, but it has made her more determined to cloak herself with some of Castle's perpetual good cheer. Annoying as it may be. And Kate tries extra hard especially now that it looks like Ellery has more of Kate's personality. Letting the little girl spend time with her daddy, one on one, does for her what it does for her mother.

Kate hopes that she can do the same for Dashiell. She's been working on it for a long time; she thinks they have a good thing going. The same as she can inadvertently bring him down; she can also bring him up again.

"Dash?"

He wordlessly hands her back the ipad and she puts it in her bag, sits up again, leaning on her knees. The things that work with Castle, work with Dash too, so she brushes her hand through his hair, thumb at his temple.

"Hey, baby, come here." Dash curls forward into her arms immediately; she draws him into her lap and hugs him, kissing his neck, their sunglasses catching.

He laughs at that, puts a hand up to his shades to keep them in place.

"What kind of weather are we having, my man?"

He slides an arm around her neck and twirls with the hair that's fallen out of her bun; she can't see his eyes past the sunglasses.

"It's - it's - I don't know how to say it." He sighs and his fingers tangle, but she doesn't care.

"Well, hmm. It doesn't look very sunny right now."

"It doesn't feel very sunny," he says. "But it is sunny. It's there. I'm warm."

Oh, well this is new. "It's there? Maybe it's partly cloudy?"

"I don't know, Mommy. I don't feel clouds."

"Okay, baby, then where is the sun?"

Dashiell opens his mouth to answer, maybe instinctively more than with any kind of thought behind it, because he shoots her a startled look and laughs. "Oh. Oh, it's in the condo."

She laughs back, surprised at this answer. His weather is supposed to indicate how he feels, help him identify his emotions so that he can regulate them. One of Julie's amazing techniques. He and Kate have been doing it a long time now, labeling emotions as they come. Stormy days, overcast, snowing, windy. All kinds of weather. "Your sun is-?"

"It's in the condo, Mommy. It's my dog!"

Oh. Oh that - that can't be good, can it? His sunshine depends on a dog now? "The dog is upstairs, yes."

"I want to play with my dog, Mommy. I don't want sit by the pool."

"Okay, baby. I think that sounds just fine." And much better than his happiness being tied to a dog. Although it might, a little bit now. "Let's get our stuff together and tell Daddy and Ellery where we're going."

"Yay! See? I'm sunny all over." He puffs his chest out and his mouth stretches into that wide and happy grin.

Kate laughs and kisses his cheek with a smack, then heaves him off her lap and stands him on his feet. "Good job, my little man. Can you walk over to Daddy and tell him where we're going?"

"Yes!" He shouts and starts to take off for the side of the pool, but Kate snatches his arm and tugs him back.

"Walk, Dashiell Alexander." Hard and fast rule.

He stiffens, throws her a glance over his shoulder. "Yes, ma'am."

Yes ma'am? She lets go of him, and he does walk, sedately, slowly even, towards his father and sister. Ma'am must be something they have to say in preschool. She's amused that her tone got a ma'am in response.

Kate leans over and gathers their stuff, then fishes out Castle's key card and sunglasses, finds his water bottle at the bottom, and leaves it all under his towel. Oh shoot, and his wallet is in here too. She doesn't want to leave it on the lounge chair alone; she'll just have to take it up with her.

All of the sudden, she hears a loud shriek and a splash, and her head jerks around, her hands drop the bag.

But Castle has him, everyone's grinning. Ellery is standing at the side of the pool, evidently having watched her brother jump in.

Kate realizes she's got her hand over heart and can feel it pounding; she sighs and snatches up the bag, grabs Dashiell's towel and her own. She pulls Ella's towel out of her bag and lays it next to Castle's on the lounge chair, then heads over to where her daughter is.

She strokes a hand through Ellery's wet, tangled hair and kisses her forehead. "Hey, cricket. Did Dash tell you where we're going?"

Castle and Dash are dunking each other under, but Ellery is being patient. Castle must've had to read her the riot act on the rules again.

"See doggy," Ellery says. "Dash play with his doggy."

"That's right, but you're still talking like a baby, aren't you?" Kate squats down next to her, brushes the hair out of Ellery's eyes. "Hm, why are you doing that, sweetheart?"

Ellery gives her a disdainful look and turns her gaze back to the pool. Kate laughs and sits down on the side, sticks her feet in the water. "Sit with me while we wait on Dash to stop messing around with Daddy."

She doesn't look at her daughter and after a long pause, she feels the little hand on her shoulder as Ella uses her for balance, sitting at her side. Kate turns her head away and grins widely.

The warm, wet little body next to her wriggles for a moment and then settles in. Kate reaches back and takes her rubber band out, then turns and scrapes the hair off Ella's face, her neck, twists the rubber band over a pony tail. "Ooh, there you go. Pretty. And it will keep the hair out of her your eyes. We should've gotten it cut before we left."

"Bet, Mommy?"

Bet. Bet. It sounds familiar. Where did she-?

"Barrette. Right. We have some in the condo. After we get a bath tonight, I'll put them in your hair."

Ellery grins at her and lifts a hand back to feel her pony tail. It's wet and kind of lumpy, but it makes a cute little curl on the end. Flyaway pieces have already started to curl around her ears.

"You like it?"

"Pretty," Ella repeats, then turns back to her mother. "Allie play beauty shop with me? Mommy too?"

Uh-huh. Baby talk drops fast when baby girl wants something. "Mm, yes, I did promise, didn't I? We'll try to get in early tonight so we can play beauty shop, just the girls."

Ella wiggles, all self-satisfied and pleased, and then Castle and Dash swim over, the boy on his father's back. Rick reaches out and wraps his fingers around Kate's calves, holding on to her to keep him up. She smirks and nudges his chest with her foot, feels his muscles tense. She tucks her feet under his armpits and works her thighs, extends her legs to lift him up. He laughs, startled and - and aroused, it looks like.

She hums to herself, feeling as pleased at Ellery. "Hey there. We're heading up. Dash tell you?"

"Yeah. And then I convinced him to get in one last jump before he left."

"I figured it was your doing." But she's not at all mad; she's grateful. Because he giggled Dashiell's funky mood right out of him. "Good job, Daddy."

His fingers squeeze; message received.

"Okay, wild man, let's get out and get going."

"So I can play with my dog."

"That's right. Climb off Daddy, let your sister have him."

Dashiell actually does climb, which Kate didn't entirely intend for him to do. But he swings from Castle's back, over his father's arm, all the way up to his mother's legs, and then hangs on to her knees, grinning up at her.

Kate huffs a laugh and reaches down, drags him up out of the water. Castle is whistling at her, almost mocking, because she knows he thinks it's sexy - her strength. She rolls her eyes at him and plops Dash down beside her.

"Go get your towel off the lounge chair. Walk."

Dash alters his gait and keeps going. Kate turns to Ellery. "You gonna jump?"

"I climb too?" Ella says instead, leaning into Kate, both hands on her mother's thigh.

Kate glances to Castle; he shrugs and grins at her.

"Sure, cricket. You can climb too." She pats her lap and Ellery climbs over, then leans up suddenly and kisses Kate's cheek. "Oh, thank you, baby girl."

"Not a baby."

"Oh no, right. You're not at all. Now climb down to Daddy."

Castle flexes his fingers around her legs and she lifts them slightly, giving Ellery an easier grade as she wriggles her way down Kate's shins and into the water. She clutches at Castle's forearm, then swims for his chest, clinging to his shoulders.

"Daddy," she says, rather breathless with her own adventure.

Kate smirks at him, lifts her feet out of the water, shaking him off to pull her knees up to her chest. She's still sitting on the side of the pool; she doesn't want to leave just yet. She likes watching them together. "You two have fun. See you in an hour or so?"

Castle shrugs. "Don't know. May go to the market." Ellery is bobbing in the water, the top of her head glances off Castle's chin.

"Sure." Kate drops her knee back in, reaches out with her toes to catch the side of Castle's neck. He laughs and kisses her ankle.

"I could pull you in," he says.

She snatches her leg back. "Don't you dare."

"Dash is ready."

Kate glances to the side and sees Dashiell wrapped in his towel, sunglasses still on, shivering in the shade of an umbrellaed table as he waits for her. She gets to her feet, grabs her beach bag and towel.

"Oh, actually, I've got your wallet, Rick."

"I can charge it to the room. No worries."

"Oh. Awesome. Did you tell Allie and Rafe they could do that?"

"Nope, forgot actually. I will. Or you can, if you see them first. Go, Kate. He's turning blue."

She laughs and glances back to their son, teeth chattering, hunched in his towel. "Your son is standing in the shade, Castle. He can suffer for his poor choices."

He laughs at her, raises his eyebrows, but Ellery is leaning for the ladder on the other side, patting his cheek and telling him to hurry up, Daddy.

Kate waves at him, reluctant but knowing it's time. She makes her way to Dashiell, puts her hand to the back of his neck to turn him towards the pool's gate.

"Okay, my man. Let's go see your dog."


	82. Chapter 82

When he and Ellery go upstairs for lunch, Kate and Dash are playing tug of war in the living room floor with the dog. Kate's hair is air-drying, curly and messy around her head, and Dashiell is crawling all over her as they fight with Rex for a toy. Castle lets Ellery down in the floor, her wet feet slipping, a little hand grabbing his trunks to keep her balance. She catches sight of Dash and the dog, and she starts towards them.

He sees Dash wrench the dinosaur toy from Rex, then throw it hard down the hallway, not looking.

The dog bounds after it full speed at the same moment that Ellery runs for them. Castle moves, but Rex gives a yelp and veers off course, thudding into the wall even as Ellery jerks to a stop inches from the dog. The toy rolls to Castle's feet.

His kid has a good arm. His kid has an even better dog.

Kate is already in the hall, loving on Rex, thanking him, so Castle bends down and scoops up the toy, heads for the squirming tangle of bodies.

Dashiell tugs on Ellery's arm to run back to the living room with him. Rex wags his tail to follow, pauses when he sees the toy. Castle gives it over, watches the dog bound after the kids, back to the game and the boy showing his sister how to wrestle with Rex.

Kate is heading for the kitchen, so he follows. She turns at the fridge and gestures towards the living room. "We've already had lunch. You hungry?"

"Yeah. Ellery started complaining."

"Audibly?" she smirks, a lift of an eyebrow as she opens the fridge.

"Mostly pouting. And then her stomach growled. So I figured it out. What'd you eat-"

But Kate is already handing him sandwiches, three, stacked on a plate. "Made you some. Want chips or-?"

"You made us lunch?" What he means is, _You made me lunch?_

She ignores him and hunts for potato chips in the pantry, sets out the stuff on the kitchen bar. "There's a banana or apple sauce." She grabs the plate of sandwiches from him, rolling her eyes, and calls out to the girl. "Ellery. Lunch."

Castle watches her a moment more, not because he's surprised she made Ellery a sandwich but because he's surprised she made him _two_. Ella comes barreling into his legs at that moment, so he doesn't say anything, just lifts his daughter into the seat at the bar and spreads a paper towel in front of her. Kate gives her a couple of chips, separates the two halves of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, offers her the choice of fruit.

Castle takes the plate - two sandwiches - and circles the bar to sit beside his daughter, glancing at Kate as he does. She shoots him a confused look, grabs Ellery's cup and refills it with water, spins the top back on it. She gives it to the girl, then grabs a clean glass from the cabinet, gestures to him with it.

"What do you want, Rick?"

She's getting him something to drink?

"Do you need to tell me something?" he blurts out, sitting stunned at the bar.

"What?"

"Nothing. Ah, water's fine. Thanks." He watches her fish out ice cubes - she's even getting him ice - and then pour water from the filtered pitcher. Ellery is crunching up her chips and sticking them inside her pb&j, her little mouth smeared with jelly.

Kate sets his glass in front of him, then leaves the kitchen, heading for Dash and the dog with Dashiell's water bottle.

Rick glances after her, looks back down at the sandwiches she made, the water with ice, and wonders why he's so surprised. Does she really not ever-? No. That can't be true. She does stuff for him, grabs something he left or keeps track of his wallet or smears sunblock on the hard to reach places.

"Oh hey, I used your laptop," she says, coming up at his back. She lays her chin to his shoulder, loops an arm around his neck. "Checked my email. But I saw you had more of the story?"

"Felix?"

She rubs her fingers over his ear and kisses it. He still hasn't taken a bite of his sandwich, can only sit there and feel her draped over his back.

"Yeah. Can I read it?"

"Before it's done?" She never wants to read ahead of time.

"Yeah. You mind?" Her mouth brushes his jaw before she slides down his back, then sits on half of Ellery's seat. The little girl climbs into her lap so Kate swings her feet forward and wraps an arm around Ella's waist, still looking at Castle, leaning back in the chair.

He glances down at his sandwich, the icewater, then back up to Kate. He grins widely and picks up his sandwich. "You already read it, didn't you?"

She blushes hotly, but doesn't try to evade. "Yeah. I did." She winces. "I couldn't stop myself."

He laughs and takes a bite of creamy peanut butter, tangy and sweet grape jelly, flavored with her apology. It tastes good. "Uh-huh. Pretty shameful, Kate."

She kicks at his leg with her bare toes, glares at him over Ella's head. "Just give me permission already."

"Don't you mean forgiveness?"

Kate narrows her eyes, but he still finds lurking embarrassment in those dark depths. He's completely amused.

"And you know, the half-hearted apology might have worked a little better with some seduction behind it-"

She leans over and twists his ear - not too bad, really, some seduction in that move too, if he's honest - and then she releases him, presses her thumb to the spot, amusement in her eyes now as well.

Really, that's what he was hoping to see.

"It's really good, Rick." She shifts Ella to one leg and rubs her other thigh with the heel of her hand. Ellery is picking apart a banana, mushing pieces flat with her fingers.

"The sandwich? Yeah, it is-"

"The story. The character. I really - the training scene with his mom? With Nikki. I thought it was really well done."

He can't help the grin that splits his face wide. Silly and proud. His chest is warm with it. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Hey, baby, no. You'll get in your hair," Kate grabs the girl's hand and wrestles the banana away, drops it back on the paper towel. "Eat it. Don't play with it."

Castle watches a moment, Ellery struggling against her mother's grip, the mute rebellion. Like old times. Kate leans over her, murmurs something in her ear; the girl goes still, releases the second handful of smashed banana.

Maybe just looking for her mother's attention. Hard to know. "Ellery, eat your lunch so you can play with the dog."

She glances over at him, swings her head to the rowdy game of tug of war in the living room floor, then slumps back against Kate. She picks up a corner peice of her sandwich and pushes it into her mouth.

Kate loosens her grip and turns back to him. "So what's Felix's first case going to be?"

Castle meets her eyes, takes a second to gather his thoughts. "I don't know yet."

"What age group is this geared towards?"

"Felix is twelve, so I guess middle school, but I'm worried about that because I plan on being pretty specific. And Felix will be getting into serious danger."

"Oh?"

"Locked in a freezer," he grins, then laughs at the distaste on her face. "Yeah, I know, but at least the research is already done."

"His parents rescue him?" Kate leans across and snags one of his chips. "Or he figures a way out of that refrigerated unit that we couldn't?"

"No. It's a deep-freeze in a restaurant. At least, it is at the moment. If you'd been a little better detective, you'd have found that scene on the laptop too."

She snort at him and steals another potato chip. "But you don't know what mystery he's solving?"

He shakes his head.

"Is that how you usually do it? The plot I mean. A scene here and there."

"Yeah."

"So that's the middle of the book, isn't it?"

"Could be. I don't know yet." He glances over at her as he eats, watches her studying him for answers. "Got any good ideas?"

"The restaurant people are bad guys."

"Well, duh."

She glares, steals another chip, an arm around Ellery to keep the little girl from slipping. "I'm not doing your work for you, Castle."

"Darn."

"When's this due?"

"First three chapters by mid-November."

She gapes at him, shakes her head. "That's in two weeks."

"Work best under pressure."

"You haven't worked much at all." She takes another chip, but he grabs her by the wrist, eats it from her fingers. She huffs at him, but her eyes darken.

"I'm working enough."

"You're gonna be a bear next week. Do I need to have Dad keep Ella when she's not at preschool?"

"No. I'll be fine. She entertains herself."

Kate laughs at that, raises an eyebrow as she looks down at the squirmy kid in her lap. "You finished, Ella K? Because you're just playing with it now."

"All done," Ellery says, twisting in the chair to slide off, out of Kate's lap.

Kate lets her go, pushes back from the bar a little, swinging her knees back around to his side. "So."

"So?"

"I wanna read more."

"You're nuts."

"Can you write tonight?" She slides her foot to the rungs of his chair, her toes brushing his ankle. "The girls are playing beauty parlor. So I'll be getting my hair done." She grins at him, eyebrows dancing in a look that probably she's gotten from him. Was that supposed to be sexy? It's cute, sure, but sexy? Eh.

Okay, well, Kate is pretty much always sexy. He'll have to give it to her.

"You'll have time," she adds.

"What are Dash and Rafe going to do?"

"I don't know. Dashiell said he wants to show Rafe his Incredibles movie. And you could write while they watch?"

"Jeez, what is with you and this story?" Castle pushes the last of his sandwich into his mouth, takes a gulp of water as he chews. Kate's foot is stroking the back of his calf, over and over, and he thinks she's not even doing it on purpose. Hard to know. She can be quite calculating.

"I really like it," she says quietly.

He swallows and looks over at her. Cute, curling hair and dark eyes, her hand propping up her chin on the bar, nothing at all like the Beckett he met and lusted over that first year. But actually, it could be the girl who read his novels after her mother died, read every word and absorbed them into herself, a talisman and a lifeline.

That's an arresting idea. Katie and his books.

"Okay," he says softly back, reaches down and curls his fingers around her knee, stroking. "I can write tonight."

She slides off the stool and into him, her arms around his neck, her mouth against his, a quick taste.

"Mm. Peanut butter."

He laughs against her lips, snags another kiss. When he leans away, her hands are resting on his shoulders lightly, her eyes smiling at him even if her mouth is still parted, still waiting.

"More?" he asks, smirking at her.

She clamps her mouth shut, glaring at him again, but she can't maintain it. Her expression breaks into a rolling-eyes-smile; she pats his cheek with a hand and steals another potato chip.

"You made me lunch so you could just steal it back. I see how it is."

"I made you lunch because I was already making lunch. Not too hard to just make a few more."

He shakes his head. "You made me lunch because you snooped on my computer and read my story before I was even finished. A bribe." Castle leans in and kisses the tip of her nose, even as she crinkles it at him. She kinda maybe hates that? He can't be sure anymore of what things definitely aren't cool with her. She's called him baby a lot lately, and he used to be certain that pet names were non-negotiable.

"I did not try to bribe you," she says back, shifting to the side to claim his mouth again, a little lighter, a little less heat in it. More tenderness. She really likes this story, doesn't she? She really likes it.

"It's cute. Attending to me. I like it." He strokes a finger up her side, under her tshirt, brushing hot skin.

"Shut up, Castle."

"Sure, babe."


	83. Chapter 83

When Alexis was little, her father took her to Disney World; she got to meet the princesses and have her picture taken in Cinderella's castle and eat breakfast with Chip and Dale and Donald Duck, all her favorites.

He bought her any souvenir she at all admired; they went on every roller coaster he could drag her on; they gorged themselves on cherry-coke slushies, funnel cakes, and hot fudge sundaes in mickey mouse ears.

He was making up for it, for her mother, for the miles between them now. She knew it, even at the time. She loved Disney World, but she loved her father more, and there was no way she was going to choose her mother over him.

Even at that age, she wasn't sure that she could always love her mother. She did love her, of course she did - what little girl didn't? No matter how bad a mother she was. But already that love had limitations, boundaries, barriers to keep her heart from bruising quite so easily.

She knew there would have to be a separation, a wall between herself and her mother. Not because Meredith is a bad person; no, in fact, it's because her mother is such a good person. Or well, if not good, then at least harmless and lovely and fun.

She doesn't like having that wall between herself and Kate. Because Kate is so very good, and right, and true. Dependable. There is nothing for her father to make up for when it comes to Kate. If anything, Kate makes up for her father.

"What're you thinking about?" Rafe says gently.

Allie looks over at him, best friend and love, takes the hand he's offered to her. "My mom."

"I like her."

"Oh. I mean. Meredith."

He wrinkles his nose. "Not so much."

Allie laughs and leans against his side. They've come back to the beach because the roar of the water drowns out everything else; she feels alone with him in a way she never has before, with anyone else. Except maybe Kate. She has the same ability to make the world stand still, give Alexis a chance to breathe.

"I love you, you know," she says quietly, sliding her foot through the hot sand, spreading grains of it over her toes.

"I do."

She giggles at that. "Oh, you do?"

"Yup."

"And?"

"And I'm glad. It makes it a lot easier. I don't have to kidnap you and hold you in my basement this way."

Allie giggles again, feels that stupid breathlessness in her body, the heat, and not at all from the sun and sand. "Well then. Creepy as that is."

He's grinning at her. "And I love you too."

"There we go," she laughs, rolling her eyes at him.

"So what about Meredith had you looking like that?"

She shrugs. He knows her issues; he tries to be good about them. She's pretty certain that it goes even deeper than she herself knows or cares to think about. How can it not? Her mother, for all intents and purposes, abandoned her. Her mother didn't want her; her mother thought it was all too much.

If she repeats the truth to herself often enough, maybe that will dull the sense of having been left behind.

"Allie? What were you thinking about?" He prompts her because he knows her; she's grateful that he doesn't let her think too hard, too long, too much. He draws her out of herself.

"The difference between having Kate and not having Meredith."

He nods; she can feel the movement of his body as he shifts closer. His side is now flush with hers. She drops her knees down to sit with her legs out in front of her, their arms entwined, hands clasped.

"So. Want to tell me what it was like? Not having Meredith."

"A relief," she breathes out, blinking against the sun. She lays her head on his shoulder and relaxes.

"I can see that," he laughs softly. "Sometimes, it'd be a relief to have my mom quiet for once."

"Don't say that," she chides. "Because it's not true."

"It's close to true."

"Your mom is just excited for you. And she wants you to be happy."

"I think your mom wants the same for you."

"My mom does, yes." She doesn't know why she makes the distinction anymore. She's old enough to know, for herself, which woman is truly her mother; she was old enough when her father married Kate in the first place. Still she clings to Kate as if in rebellion to her mother. "But Meredith?"

"Meredith too. She wants you to be happy, Allie."

Even though Rafe barely knows the woman, can't have known all the things that have happened between Meredith and Allie, hearing the words, the certainty in his voice, eases the tight feeling in her chest.

"But Kate - well, she wants more for you than that," Rafe says.

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't just want you to be happy. She also wants you to be a good person. I don't know that Meredith would understand the distinction."

His eyes are intense as he stares into the waves.

"She wants your happiness, but she wants more than that. She wants you to be good to others, to help people instead of hurting them, to make the world a better place because you're in it. To not be selfish, to look out for your brother and sister, to love without borders."

Allie gapes at him, her skin flush in the summer sun.

"You can tell," Rafe says finally. He turns and looks at her again. "I can tell. She wants it for Dashiell and Ellery too. For them to be decent human beings. That's so rare. I hope I can do that."

"What?" She wraps her fingers around his hand, squeezes. "Do what?"

"Love my kids enough to make them good people. Love them the hard way, and not just all the easy ways."

Something clicks then, something she's known for the last five years or so, but never had the words for it. "That's what it is."

Rafe's fingers lace through hers. "What?"

"That's the difference. Between Kate and Meredith. Meredith loves me in all the easy ways. And Kate in the hard ones. The ones that take more work. The ways - they ways that hurt sometimes, but make me a better person."

She closes her eyes, remembering how mortified and angry she was when Kate picked her up from a party and then sent her to view an autopsy as her punishment. She'd thought, for so long, that Kate was cool, that the woman would be her friend, but that wasn't what Kate had done that night, wasn't what Kate seemed to think she should do.

Her father had often been the cool dad, and she'd loved it, but it was Kate that made him love in all the more difficult ways. It was Kate that showed both of them how doing the things that hurt were sometimes the best ways to love.

Rafe squeezes her hand. His voice is low and hesitant when he speaks again. "Do you think we'll hurt each other? Good or bad, will we-?"

Allie's heart pounds, but she curls her arm against her chest, bringing his trapped hand to her lips. She kisses his knuckles, the overworked fingers, the callouses and burns from a career spent with knives and burners and ovens.

"Allie?"

"I think we will."

He nods, as if he expects as much. Something about the resolution on his face, the resignation, reminds her of what they've been through to get to this point.

"I think I already have, haven't I?" She pulls her knees back up, his arm trapped in the cradle of her body. Allie shifts so that their laced fingers drape over her knee, her cheek pressed to the back of his hand.

Rafe looks at her, the grey of his eyes like the churning waves. "You haven't hurt me because you love me. You've hurt me because I loved you. And that's entirely my fault."

She turns her head so that her lips brush his knuckles; his thumb lifts and strokes her cheek.

"I didn't want to hurt you," she whispers. "I didn't mean to."

He nods. "I know. My fault, remember, Allie? It's my fault, babe, and I'd do it again, fall in love with you, all the painful times of wanting you and not being able to have you, because I have you now."

Her joy unfurls within her chest and spreads, warm as sun-soaked honey, out through her veins and along her smile and in her eyes. Alexis lifts her head from the back of his hand and turns to him, her knees falling in his lap. She releases his fingers and instead winds her arms around him, his wiry strength, his hot skin, the body that loves her.

Rafe kisses the corner of her mouth, being careful to keep it decent, keep them decent out here on the beach. She laughs into his huffed breath, his low growl of frustration.

"I want to be alone with you," she says, her fingers playing with the hair at his nape even as he kisses her mouth again.

"I want to marry you," he groans in reply, hugging her tighter, pulling her closer.

She gasps on a laugh, tugging back, catching his ears with her hands to keep him away. His eyes open.

"You want to marry me." She's laughing at him, at how he's said it.

"Of course."

Oh, but he's serious. And she wants him. Wants to marry him, have everything with him, even the times of pain and the hard parts of love.

"Come find me when you've got a ring," she laughs, shaking her head at him and kissing him again, deeper - forget the kids on the beach.

"I will." And then he breaks the kiss, pushes her back, and stands. "In the meantime, before you make me do things that aren't appropriate in front of a crowd, let's get lunch."

She smiles and puts her palm in his outstretched hand, hums at him as he lifts her up. "Back at the condo or . . . alone?"

He grins, lifts an eyebrow as he begins making his way back towards the boardwalk. "Oh, you did say you wanted to be alone with me."

Allie laughs back at him, nudges him in the shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. But honestly, I want us to go be with my family. Do you mind?"

He pauses in the sand, his hand curled around hers, his face tender towards her. "Allie, oh babe. I don't ever want to separate you from your family. They've made you into the woman I love."


	84. Chapter 84

"Drop it, Rick," she says, raising an eyebrow at him. Final warning in her voice.

But he just laughs and carries his laptop to the couch, plops down even as she watches him. He's not going to leave it alone, is he? He thinks it's sooo funny.

She just wanted to read the stupid story. She totally regrets it now.

"Mommy, what about bananas?" Dashiell asks, giggling when the dog licks his cheek.

"No, baby. I said no people food. Dogs need dog food."

"But bananas are monkey food," Dash says. Rex is licking his neck now, knocking the boy over. Almost like a wrestling match, because the dog stands over him, grinning, tongue hanging out.

Ellery crawls over her brother and wraps both arms around Rex's neck. "Monkey food not dog food," she says.

"Ella's right. Monkey food is still not dog food."

"But it is animal food," Rick says from the couch, his voice sounding distracted.

Kate huffs at him. "Not helping."

Dash giggles again and crawls under the coffee table to grab the dinosaur toy, then waves it front of the dog's face. "What about-"

"No, baby. I said no."

"But you don't even know what I was gonna say."

Kate gives him a look, a mom look that she remembers her own mother giving her whenever she was being petulant. "You were going to name something else that's not dog food."

"But what about dinosaur food? He's a t-rex-"

"Dashiell." Kate levels a look on him, similar to the one she gave Castle, and Dash makes a stubborn face. But he does shut up.

Ellery hikes a leg up onto the dog's back and Kate grabs her foot.

"No. You cannot ride the dog."

"He a horse. He so big, Mommy."

Dashiell giggles and flops back in the floor. "He's a horse! He needs horse food. Can we feed T-Rex some apples and carrots and - and - and-"

"Sugar cubes," Castle says.

Kate shoots him a glare; he's focused on the laptop, typing away. "Castle."

"Oh, actually, we don't have those. Apples-"

"Castle," she hisses at him, and finally gets his attention. His head snaps up to hers; he's grinning, the idiot.

"Okay, guys, never mind. Mom's touchy about her food. Though I don't know why, since she's so eager to steal other people's stuff-"

"Rick." She cannot believe he won't shut up about this. He's grinning at her and going back to the laptop. Does he seriously have no earthly idea?

"I won't steal your apples, Mommy. I'll get Rex his own."

"No. He's a dog, not a horse. Not a dinosaur. A dog. We can really hurt him if we give him people food. Dashiell, you hear me? Ellery?"

"Yeah, yeah," Dash says, and rolls his eyes at her.

Kate levels a look on her son, waits until he catches her gaze. He stiffens, panic rolling across his face.

"Dashiell. Time out for disrespect. Five minutes." She points towards the front door, then remembers Allie and Rafe are still out and might knock into him if they come up. "In your room."

"Mommy-"

"Don't make me say it again."

Dashiell throws down the dinosaur toy, and if Kate didn't already feel sorry for the kid, she'd tack on another five minutes for pitching a fit. As it is, he stomps back to his bedroom and flounces inside, slams the door.

"Kate."

She glances over to the couch and Castle is frowning at her. Oh no. No. He does _not_ get to question her discipline when half of this is his damn fault.

Ellery is standing uncertainly beside the dog; Rex must sense the tension in the air because he whines and licks Kate's face, startling her. Ella gives a little laugh, but keeps an eye on her mother.

"You are fine, cricket. Play with the dog. Daddy and I are going to have a talk."

"We are?"

Kate gets off the floor and heads for him on the couch, reaches out both hands to take his laptop away. She loves that he writes; she really does. But he so often gets into these moods where he just doesn't see what's going on around him. And she doesn't always love that.

"Wow, you are just having trouble respecting other people's property today, aren't you?" Castle laughs and grabs the laptop back, saving his document.

She wasn't going to turn it off or anything; she would've saved it. "Castle."

He puts the laptop on the coffee table. "Jeez, Mommy, it's funny-"

"Can you not _drop_ it already?"

"Uh, no, not really. You read my story and you always hate to-"

"Seriously?" She feels it snowballing in her, tries to regain some kind of control over her frustration. Ellery is standing beside the dog, watching them, so Kate grabs Castle's hand and yanks him towards the bedroom, trying to give her daughter an easy smile as they pass.

"Kate."

"Shut it." She pulls him inside the bedroom, shuts the door after him, then moves into the bathroom, closing that door after them as well. "Rick Castle. What the hell is wrong with you?"

He stares at her a moment, then a flicker of anger crosses his face. "Me? What's wrong with you?"

"You. You're being an asshole."

"Don't curse at me," he growls back, poking her in the shoulder.

"Then stop being such an asshole, and I wouldn't have to."

"What is your problem? I didn't do anything."

"You told Dash he should feed the dog sugar cubes!"

"I did not."

She gapes at him, growls, and turns her back on his mulish, childish face. She could hit him. She really could. Only thing that keeps her from hitting him is the knowledge that she could actually do real damage. It kind of makes her pleased.

"I didn't tell him to feed the dog sugar cubes. I told him what horses eat."

She paces to the shower door, the toilet, tries to keep it back. Buried. This is a ridiculous argument, a seriously inane fight. She will not fight with him over this.

"It's not like Dash was being serious. He was joking around. Everyone else in the room knew that, Kate. You're the only one who takes thing-"

"Oh, seriously, _seriously,_ Castle, shut the hell up." She turns on him, livid with it, glaring at him.

"Stop cursing at me just because you're overreacting-"

"Overreacting?"

"Calm down," he says, holding both hands up like she's going to strike him.

_Calm down?_ She really could hit him, she could, she really wants to. "Don't tell me to calm down. You're the one who can't stop talking. I'm pissed at you and you keep opening your mouth."

"I don't understand why you're pissed at me, Kate." He leans forward, trying to tower over her like he does when he gets angry, and she's inordinately pissed that he's pissed too.

"Because I _told_ you to let it go. I told you to drop it, and you keep bringing it up. It's not funny. And then you go and egg the kids on, completely undermine me-"

"Just because you're feeling guilty and ashamed for reading my story, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me. Or the kids."

She freezes, her anger so white-hot at that accusation that she's speechless. The kids? The kids. Like she-

"Jeez, Kate. I was just teasing you. So you read the story? So you were snooping? It's funny. You know me; I'm gonna rub your nose in it for as long as a I possibly can-"

"Richard Castle. If you don't shut the hell up about that story-"

"Me?" His eyes turn dark. "You're the one who can't stop cursing at me. How about you take a time out while Dash does, huh?"

Her nostrils flare, but he turns for the door and yanks it open, keeping her from being able to reply. He heads out, leaving her there, and all she can do is seethe.

She hates him; she really hates him.

She loves the stupid idiot. That's the problem.

* * *

><p>Castle snatches up the laptop and settles back into the couch.<p>

The problem with arguing is that all he wants to do after that is _write._ Get it all down. He's got an idea for a scene in his head now, and he needs it out. He can't even take the time to go back in there and soothe her, make it right, because it's perfect in his head and he needs to not interrupt the flow of dialogue already leaking out of him.

_I'm pissed at you and you keep opening your mouth._

He calls up a fresh document and titles it _Nikki_, then starts typing, as fast as he can make his fingers go, his whole being focused on the story, the story, the lines-

A weight flops on his feet, stretched out on the couch, and he looks up.

Ellery is crawling up his legs to sit on his knees. Her little hand reaches out and touches the top of the computer. "Daddy."

"Uh. Yeah?" He glances back down to the document, writes, _Shut the hell up, Rook._

"Daddy."

"Uh, baby girl, this is really not a great moment-"

A little sigh cuts through the haze in his head and he jerks his eyes to her, sees her turning away.

"Okay, okay, wait. Ellery."

She's sliding off the couch; he saves his document, pushes the laptop to the coffee table, feels the words building up in him, the pressure, the swirl in his head, over and over, that just needs out. If Kate wasn't mad at him, she'd be teasing Ella and consoling her away from him, letting him work.

"Ellery, baby girl, wait a minute. Come here."

She stops and looks back at him over her shoulder. "I find Mommy."

"Hey, no, wait." He reaches out and scoops her up, kisses her cheek. "Mommy is in time out," he whispers to her, kisses her cheek again.

She giggles, a little look on her face so much like her mother - _oh really? - _and then she wraps her arms around his neck, hugs him.

"Not really, but I think Mommy is reading or taking a bath. What do you need?"

"Daddy writing?"

"Yeah, trying to."

"Mommy say _Be quiet_ when you write, Daddy."

"Oh. Oh, she does?" Castle hugs her tighter in lieu of Kate herself, stands up from the couch. The dog is down the hall, whining outside of Dashiell's door, so Castle opens it and lets him inside.

Dashiell is sitting on his bed, chin in his fists, and he perks up when his dog comes in. "No more time out?"

"Time out's over." He'll have to remember that a better punishment seems to be withholding the dog. "Tell me why you got sent to time out, Dash."

Dashiell sighs and pats the bed so that Rex will jump up with him. Castle shifts Ellery onto his other hip, arm across her legs as he holds her up. She still has an arm hooked around his neck.

"Disrespect," Dash says, rubbing his face in the dog's fur.

"Sit up and tell me how you were disrespectful."

Dash lets go of his dog and lifts baleful eyes to his father. "I don't want to."

Oh, really? So it was bad. It was one of the big ones. He doesn't remember hearing Dash yell at her, so it has to be-

"Dash rolls him eyes," Ellery tattles.

Castle squeezes his hand at the back of her neck, whispers into her ear. "No tattling on your brother. You let Dashiell tell me what he did."

Ellery pouts at him, biting the side of her lip and narrowing her eyes. Castle ignores that and turns back to Dashiell.

"Dash. Tell me yourself."

"I rolled my eyes," he huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Why did you do that?"

"Cause Mommy was being silly and I thought she was being silly and I-"

"Dashiell," he admonishes. "That's not respectful either."

"But she was!"

"You might feel that way, and your feelings are valid, kiddo. But you are not allowed to treat your mother like that. She's an adult; she's your mother. She's going to be right 99% of the time, even if you _feel_ that she's not. Feelings can lead you astray."

"What is 99% percent?"

"That means Mommy will be right, and you, my wild man, will be wrong, pretty much every single time. If Mommy is wrong, it will be once in your whole entire life."

"Once in my whole life?" Dash moans, flopping back to the bed. The dog crawls up on his belly so that his face is next to Dashiell's.

"Don't be melodramatic. Dashiell, you owe your mother respect. We've had this conversation. Don't roll your eyes at Mommy."

"But you did!" Dash says hotly, rolling over to sit up, his face mutinous.

Castle pauses, rehashes that conversation in the living room. Horse food, dog food, something about sugar cubes. Did he roll his eyes? He has before. Kate does the same to him. It does seem unfair. . .

No. Wait. If there's one thing that Kate has taught him about parenting, it's that they are the adults here. The kids are kids.

"I get to roll my eyes at Mommy, and Mommy gets to roll her eyes at me. We're equals. We're the same, right? We're both your parents."

Dash tilts his head, a hand in the dog's fur. "What do you mean?"

"Mommy is my wife. She's my best friend. We're the same age-" Sort of. Close enough. "We get to roll our eyes at each other because we know what it means and we have history together."

Dash's eyes start to glaze and Castle knows he's explaining too much. He backs up, tries again.

"Point is, Dashiell, that I get to do that, and you don't. Ever. You hear me?"

"I hear you," he grumbles.

"Do I need to leave you here for another five minutes and let you think about it?"

"No. I got it. No rolling my eyes. Even if you do it first."

Okay, so that's humbling, it really is. "Good. You can get up now."

Ellery squirms in his arms, so he lets her down. She runs to the bed and climbs up, falling all over the dog. Rex seems to patiently endure the girl's maneuverings, and then snuffles at her neck when she gets close. Dashiell shares his bed, even letting Ellery get between himself and his dog.

"You guys good?" Castle asks.

"We're good. Me and Ellie are gonna play Legos with my dog."

"Oh, um. Actually, kiddo? Be careful with those. Don't let Rex accidentally eat any of those small pieces."

"I won't, Daddy."

"Okay, kids. I'm gonna be writing in the living room. Come get me if you need something."

Castle turns away, heading for his laptop. He has to write; he has to get it down. Just the bare bones of it so he can fill it out later. He hasn't been inspired to write Nikki Heat's next novel until now, and he had all those book tours these last few months, so it feels good to get back to it.

He's pretty sure he owes Kate an apology, but first he has to get this down on the page.


	85. Chapter 85

Kate hears him come into the bathroom, sinks a little further down in the tub. Shame or a need for solitude - either one is true. She ran a bath, poured in the cherry blossom bath oil, and stripped off her clothes. The moment her body hit the hot water, some of that ridiculous anger melted, leaving mostly a resigned embarrassment.

But she doesn't want to do this now. She just wants to be alone for an hour.

After a long moment, he clears his throat. "I just told our son that Mommy is right about 99% of the time."

She opens her eyes slowly, turns her head against the back of the tub, and sees him leaning against the doorway, hands in the pockets of cargo shorts, eyes sparking in the shadows across his face.

"Really?" she murmurs, bites her bottom lip. "That much?"

He nods, waiting on her. She rubs a wet hand over her face, stops when she realizes that's Castle's way of shaking things off, laughs a little to herself.

He's still watching her so she raises her hand to him, gestures him over. He pushes off the doorframe and comes inside, shutting the bathroom door after him. She feels his warm fingers snag hers, and then he comes to kneel beside the tub, rest his arms along the side.

She untangles their hands and runs her palm up his forearm, unsure how to start over.

"At the risk of making you even more mad at me-"

Oh jeez. Really, Castle?

"-could you . . . tell me what I've done?" _Rationally._ She hears that too, in the hesitance of his voice and the wince around his eyes. Well, she deserves that. She's not usually the one acting like a girl, is she?

She keeps her hand on top of his arm, closes her eyes again, tries to think. He seems to understand, because he waits, lays his cheek on top of her hand, trapping it there, his breath in a sigh.

She squeezes him, tries to let the water do its job, rinse her clean, leach the fight from her until she can speak to him without diving right back into it.

"You don't usually make fun of me," she says finally. "I'm not used to it."

His head lifts. "What?" He sounds sincerely surprised.

She opens her eyes, realizes that she's hurt rather than angry. Or that her anger masked her hurt. "Nothing." Stupid, really, because they tease all the time, and this was no different.

"Kate, I wasn't making fun of you."

"No, I know." She nods and rubs her thumb over his skin, tries to make her eyes convince him.

"You don't know. You don't know," he repeats, his mouth dropping open. "I - I was teasing you. But we always do that. We - you - I wasn't making fun, Kate." And now there's a kind of little boy desperation in his voice that she really doesn't like, doesn't want.

"I know. I know; it's me. Just ignore me. It'll pass. I know better."

He sits in silence beside the tub, watching her too intently, but all she can do is shrug her shoulders.

"Why?" he says finally. "Tell me so I won't do it again."

"I don't know," she laughs, then lifts up from the edge of the tub to kiss him, lightly, for being sweet and a little helpless in the face of her moodiness. Not many things strike her this way. But his words . . . they do. His words.

"Because it was about the book, the story," he says, clarity written across his face to match the sudden understanding in her own. He slides his hand along her jaw, tangles in her damp hair. His eyes flick down to her nude body, a quirk of his lips. "You know. It's really difficult to have a serious conversation when you're naked."

She laughs at that, a real laugh, and feels better for having that power over him. It helps somehow.

"Still, I'll soldier on," he muses. He presses his mouth against the corner of hers, sweet and light, though she feels real heat behind it. "Kate. You always take it personally when it's about the books."

She feels her lashes, wet from the hand she rubbed down her face, hit her cheeks and she sighs at him. "I do."

"You do. And this one. It's about Nikki and Rook's son. So it stands to reason it would hit you harder."

"Maybe."

"Teasing you about it only-"

"Hurt," she finishes, bites her bottom lip. "Because I need it."

"Need it?"

She shifts in the tub, wriggling a little, feeling trapped. But only because he's got her cornered on this, whatever this is, this feeling in her that it's so important he - he get it right? he not mess this up? She doesn't know.

"You know when I asked you to let Nikki have him?"

"Have. . .?"

"Rook. To let Nikki just have Rook. No more misunderstandings or comas or murder charges. Just, simple."

"Of course I remember that," he says, a little grin playing at the edges of his lips. Well, he can smile all he likes, because she's not embarrassed to want them together, to want happiness for Nikki like she has for herself-

Okay, well maybe she is a little embarrassed. Maybe that's the problem.

"I put them together, Kate. They're together now."

"I know," she says with a nod. It does feel permanent in the last Nikki book he wrote. She believes it will last. It's not happily ever after or marriage yet, but it's close enough. "I think we all can see that."

"So what's this about?"

"You gave them a son," she says quickly, shrugging again. "It feels . . . intimate. To read that."

"Uh, well. It's supposed to be children's lit, so if it feels intimate, you're gonna have to enlighten me on how, exactly, so I can cut that-"

She laughs and shakes her head at him, lifts up from the edge of the tub to press a wet kiss to his cheek. "No, not like that."

"Oh, whew, good. I thought you were about to tell me I'm sexy and I don't even know it."

She laughs again, a little breathlessly, rests her cheek against his for just a moment, relaxing her shoulders. His arm slips around her back, cooler than her skin, making her shiver.

"I just mean - they're together in the Nikki Heat books, and it's lasting, it's good. You did that for me, because I asked, because I needed it to have a happy ending. But you did more than that. You created this future for them in Felix, and I got to read it. I got to see Nikki training her son and being his mother, being patient and good for him, and that's - that's supposed to be me."

"Oh, babe," he murmurs, his mouth against her ear. "Oh, love, that is you. You are patient and good for him; you're his mother."

She nods against him because she does know that, she does. It was just - very beautiful to read it in Castle's own words.

"I shouldn't tease you about Nikki. I know better."

"No," she trembles on the edge of a laugh and ridiculous tears, not sure why those either. "No, that's not true. I like when you tease me about Nikki. I don't mind; I'm proud of her."

He grins; she can feel it against her skin. "Yeah, I'm proud of her too."

She chuffs and wraps an arm around his neck, pulls closer, the water sloshing in the tub and growing cooler. "It was just this one time, Rick. I don't even know why. Maybe because it was just so fresh and it's my son and I'm so grateful for him, for you-"

"Hey, okay, it's okay," he says, hugging her a little tighter, his hand coming up to cradle the back of her head.

"I'm not crying," she laughs. "I'm just all wet."

"You are killing me here, woman."

She laughs at that as well, draws her legs up to get to her knees in the tub, pressing against him. He groans and slants his mouth over hers, hot and hungry, and she realizes just how much he was holding back to have that conversation with her naked.

She's soaked his tshirt through, but he just slides his hand down her back and tugs her closer, pulling at her. She lifts her legs over the side of the tub and he falls back on his ass with her wrapped around him, both of them jolted, mouths breaking apart.

He laughs first this time, presses his forehead to hers. "Okay, so, can we have make-up sex now?"

"So long as it's fast."

"I can do fast. Can you keep it quiet?" he laughs.

Kate goes after his mouth in answer, pushing her tongue past the words still trying to get out, and wraps her arms tighter around him.


	86. Chapter 86

"I don't care what you do," she says, shrugging at Castle as she watches Rafe make dinner. Seriously, this guy is amazing. "The girls are playing beauty parlor and there are no boys allowed."

She feels Rick's arm around her waist the moment before he tugs her against his side, his mouth at her ear. "I make you dinner," he growls, then bites her earlobe.

Kate laughs, turns her head to pat her hand against his cheek. "You do very good for a layman."

He narrows his eyes, but she's already back to their evening's plans.

"How about the boys play Mario Kart? Dash loves that game."

"Oh, you're a genius. Hey, Rafe, how about video games?"

Allie's boyfriend shrugs and finishes spreading lemon, herbs, and butter over the fish. "Sure. I don't know how to play Mario Kart, but I can learn."

"Oh, that's even better," Kate murmurs, grinning at them both. "Dash will love beating you. His father never lets him win. So very cruel."

Castle huffs at her, squeezes her waist; he still hasn't let her go. "I'm just teaching him how to be a good sport."

Rafe looks up from the fish he's preparing, an eyebrow raised, a half smile on his face. "Sure you are."

Kate laughs. "You're learning, Rafe. Now, Rick - please go make sure Dash hasn't drowned his sister."

"You're just saying that to get rid of me."

"I am. You're clingy." She shrugs her shoulders to get him off her - she has bruises under her shoulder blades now to match the long striped scratches going down her back. She was supposed to be on top, but he flipped her at the last minute and by then - oh she didn't care where she was so long as he didn't stop.

When he pouts at her, mouth turning down, she presses a quick kiss to his sorrow and then puts her lips to his ear, whispers, "My back stings, it's seriously bruised, and it's all your fault, Castle."

He chuckles, and she bites his ear in retaliation. He squirms because she does it hard, no love bite that, and then she kisses him again to soothe the spot.

"Sorry, Rafe," Allie laughs, coming into the kitchen. "Didn't meant to leave you alone with them when they're clearly not fit company."

"You hush," Kate says, shooting her a look, pointing a finger but still within the circle of Castle's body. "Just wait till you have kids. Take what you can get."

"Still? Ew." Allie bumps Rafe's hip and peers past his arm, her cheek against his shoulder as she asks after their dinner.

Beside Kate, Castle takes her by the hips, turning her towards him so he can drop a tender kiss between her eyes, his mouth gentle. "Sorry," he murmurs, and his hand skims her back, avoiding the scratches, the bruises. "If it's any consolation, my sunburn itches like the devil."

"It is. Some," she says, lifting on her toes to slide her arm around his neck. He winces, and she loosens her grip, shaking her head at him. "Did you not put sunscreen on it today?"

"I did," he insists. "I really did."

"It feels hot." She shakes off his grip, makes him turn around. His neck is livid with sunburn. "Oh, this looks bad. It might blister."

"Arg. Stop touching it." He rolls his shoulders, now shrugging her off, and she smirks at the back of his head. Before he can move away, she balances against him and kisses the nape of his neck. He sighs.

"Okay, baby, go put some aloe on that."

He turns around, shoots her a look, but she just rolls her eyes at him.

"It just comes out," she sighs. "I can't help it anymore."

"That's what she said," Castle crows, already heading for their bedroom and the aloe vera. "Oh, and actually - maybe someone really should check on the kids? It's awfully quiet and all the adults are in here."

Kate laughs, stays Allie with a shake of her head. "I'll go. My kids after all."

Castle disappears, so she heads towards the bathroom, the sounds of splashing and monster noises getting louder the closer she gets.

Kate clears the doorway and sees Dashiell crashing an X-Men character into a cup of water while Ellery stands, a rubber Godzilla toy in one hand that she looks like she's about to drop.

"Ellery," Kate says sharply.

Ella doesn't even take a moment to look; she sits on her haunches in the bath, then lifts hesitant, sly eyes to her mother.

"Mm-hm, I saw that." Kate comes inside and sits down on the closed lid of the toilet. "You guys ready to get out or are you still playing?" It's not like they haven't been in the water all day long.

"Still playing," Ellery says, stomping Godzilla along the edge of the bathtub.

"Well, but when you get out, we're going to play beauty parlor, remember?"

"Ew!" Dashiell says, holding his nose. "Girl stuff."

"Shut it, mister. You and Daddy are going to teach Rafe how to play Mario Kart anyway."

"Oh," Dash gasps, sitting up straight. "Done playing. I'm done. I want out."

Kate smirks and stands up, grabbing their towels from the counter and unfurling Dashiell's. "Here you go, buddy. Careful stepping out."

Dashiell puts a leg over the side and hops, skidding, making Kate's heard pound as she reaches for him. Dash manages to right himself before he loses it completely, and then Kate's got him by the arm.

"What did I say?" Kate rolls her eyes at him, wraps him in the towel. "Dry yourself off. Go get on pajamas."

"But we're playing Mario Kart, right?"

"Yes, in pjs."

"Yay!" Dashiell drops the towel in the floor and bolts for the bedroom door, but Kate snatches him by the arm.

"Dry off first, rocket man."

"Rocket man?" Dashiell asks, grabbing the towel and swiping at his chest, his legs. Kate takes a corner and rubs it over his head, scrubbing at his hair.

"Yeah. Off like a rocket."

"Dash off?" he says, lifting both eyebrows at her, his mouth pressed in a crooked line, looking so clever.

She laughs and leans down, kisses his forehead below his stitches. "Yeah, baby. Dash off."

"Hey, mommy," he murmurs, and wraps wet arms around her neck. "Tomorrow can I have hot tea with you?"

"Of course, baby," she murmurs back, her chest expanding. They haven't done that little ritual all year. She kisses his wet cheek and pries him off her. "You're still wet. Keep toweling."

"Okey dokey pokey," he giggles and hops away, trailing his towel after him like a cape.

Kate turns and finds Ellery climbing over the tub, both hands on the edge to steady herself as she dismounts. Kate winces, but grabs the other towel, this one a bright purple, and wraps it around Ella's thin shoulders as she stands on the tile.

"All right, cricket. Dry yourself off."

"Want you to do it," Ellery whines, leaning into her mother.

Kate tugs on the ends of the towel, bringing Ella in front of her, then kisses her nose. "You do? Why's that?"

"Want you to do it," she whimpers, her lips turning down. "You do it, Mommy."

The little girl gets that stubborn glint in her eyes and that certain set to her mouth, so Kate just sighs and starts drying her off. She squeezes the ends of Ella's thick hair with the towel, then swipes at her shoulders and back, rubs a corner over her face, discovering those huge blue eyes looking at her mother.

"Pajamas, _moja ljubav_."

A delighted smile comes over Ellery's face and she wriggles up into Kate's lap, practically knocking her mother over, and wraps both arms around Kate's neck.

The little mouth kisses her cheek and whispers, "_Volim te."_

Kate gasps, wraps her arms around her precious little girl.

She can't even speak.

* * *

><p>They can hear the squeals, the shouts, the laughing and that's just Castle.<p>

The boys are so loud, but the girls' room is spa-like in its serenity.

Kate honestly expected to mess with Ellery's hair, braid it and put in the barrettes that they found at the mercantile. Allie seemed excited about it too, and Kate was looking forward to giving her a fishtail braid, even with her hair shorter now. But it's turned out differently.

Kate sits in the floor while Allie and Ella perch over her on the lower bunk in Ellery's room. They each braid a different section, Allie trying to teach the little girl how to wrap the three strands. Kate has forgotten how relaxing it is to have someone's hands in her hair, to feel the soft tug as it's brushed or braided, the sensation of fingers along her scalp. She closes her eyes and listens to the girls.

"See, Ella? And then this one goes over."

It's pretty hopeless to try to teach a not-quite three year old how to braid, but Kate doesn't care and Ellery seems convinced she can do it. And she's stubborn enough to never quit trying.

Allie leans over and whispers in Kate's ear. "Your hair is so knotted. Sorry, Mom."

Kate laughs and shrugs, opening her eyes and turning her head slightly to look at her. "No problem. It'll come out eventually."

"I don't know. It's so snarl - oh, so well done, Ellery. That looks great."

Kate bites her bottom lip, tries not to laugh. She reaches back and feels the clump of her hair, Ellery's little fingers. "Oh, good job, cricket. I love it."

"You love it?"

"I do. You want me to do your hair?"

"Or I do more?"

"Or, sure. Yeah, you can do more. Will Allie help you get started?"

"Of course I will. Here, let's get this piece and we can make braids all over Mommy's head."

"All over, Mommy!"

"Sure, sweetheart." Kate winces as Ellery's hands tug too hard, then reaches back to feel the sensitive spot at her scalp. Allie is swiftly braiding another section, and Kate feels all the little knots where Ella 'braided' her hair.

"Like Leia, Mommy."

Kate laughs, hears Allie laughing with her as well. "That's right. You and Daddy love 'Star Wars'."

"I watch with Daddy."

"Mm-hm, to my eternal regret."

"What, Mommy?"

"Nothing, cricket. I'm so glad you and Daddy get to watch it together. Better you than me."

"You don't like it?" Allie asks, laughing again as she braids.

"I used to like it a lot. Until I met Castle," she grins, shifting her back against the wooden slat of the bedframe. The scratches sting and her bruised shoulder blades might be getting matching bruises down her spine.

"Yeah, Dad watches that movie a whole lot."

"I watch, I watch!"

Kate hums; she keeps forgetting just how much Ellery understands. The girl is so quiet, but her little ears pick up everything.

"Who's your favorite person in Star Wars, Ella?" Allie asks.

Ellery hums too, sounding a _lot_ like Kate - so much so that it's kind of scary. Allie laughs at that, tugging a little on Kate's braid in warning.

"Yeah, I heard it," Kate mutters.

"My favorite - hum - my favorite is Jar-Jar. Daddy say no."

Daddy say no? Oh. "Ha," Kate laughs, reaching her hand back to squeeze Ellery's little hand. "You ignore Daddy. He's being a snob. He thinks the new ones are inferior."

"And I know for a fact," Allie says quietly. "That he seriously hates that accent."

"I can see why Ellery likes it so much though. He's cute and looks like a big dinosaur bunny," Kate laughs. "Also? The more one of us don't like something, the more it appeals to her."

"It a peel?" Ellery asks, leaning her face down next to Kate's. "Banana is monkey food, Mommy."

Allie laughs so hard that Kate feels her nearly fall off the bed. Kate reaches back and shakes Ellery's foot, grinning herself.

"You are so right. Bananas are for monkeys. But you like bananas too, right, little cricket?"

"I a monkey."

"Oh no," Kate warns, squeezing her toe harder. "You are not. No more climbing."

"I braid, Mommy, not climb."

Oh. Well, the monkeys they just saw at the Bronx Zoo - those monkeys were sitting a lot like this, picking at each other's furry bodies.

"Okay, so, yes, technically, we do kinda look like monkeys. But we are not monkeys, sweetheart."

"Depends on who you're talking to," Allie laughs under her breath.

Kate rolls her eyes even though neither kid can see it. "Seriously, Allie, there's no way I'm gonna try to explain the evolution debate to my two year old."

Allie laughs harder. "Oh man. That's not - that wasn't what I was thinking. But yeah, not that either."

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, cricket, you're right. Playing beauty parlor does remind me of those monkeys. But you know what I like better?" Kate tugs her hair out of the hands of both girls, turns around to clamp down on Ellery's hips, giving her a smirk.

"Oh no," Ellery whispers.

"Yup. Tickle monster," she whispers back, and then attacks Ellery's sides, squeezes her knees, blows raspberries into the sensitive skin under her neck.

Ella squeals, giggling so hard she's screaming, and Allie gets in on it too, helping hold her down until Ella writhes.

Kate lets her go after a moment, the girl gasping for breath, struggling to sit back up. She blinks for a minute, grinning at her mother, expecting another round, and Kate waits her out.

Just when Ella starts to relax, Kate goes for her again, delighted to hear her daughter's screaming laughter.

And that's when the boys run in, to the rescue, and the look on Castle's face makes Kate laugh so hard that she can't even sit up straight, let alone blow raspberries.


	87. Chapter 87

Castle laughs as he picks the knots out of her hair; she leans back against his raised knees and reads the rest of the scene he wrote when she was mad at him. The place is quiet finally; the kids got an early start on bedtime, but it's worth it. He's glad to have some time alone with Kate, the two of them just sharing the bed, sharing the day.

This is what he always wanted, even from the beginning. The chance to make a world with her.

"What on earth did Ella do to your hair?" he mutters, using his thumb nail to work the tangles free.

"I don't know. Allie was showing her how to braid."

"Looks like she could be a sailor. These are good knots."

Kate laughs and scrolls down the document a little ways, still entranced by the story. "Silver lining, huh?"

"Always," he murmurs, pausing to read over her shoulder. She fixes a subject-verb agreement issue, takes the extra 'the' out of a sentence, even while she reads. He idly works at the knots in her hair, paying more attention to Kate's unconscious editing.

She's never asked to edit, never asked to read as he goes along. There was one book that he made her read after the first draft was complete, but that was because it dealt with some issues that were, essentially, personal. He wanted to make sure she would be okay with the world reading about the things they'd gone through.

But this is different. He feels like she's half writing it with him. Dashiell is half her; Felix should be too. At least, it seems right, natural, in a way that her reading his Nikki Heat manuscripts never did.

Still, if she asks to read Nikki, he'll gladly let her.

"Hm, I like this. This is definitely us," she says, and he can hear the smile even if he can't see it.

"Well, yes, that was nearly word for word-"

"Not just that. But it's how we parent. You really think Nikki and Rook will parent this way too?"

He pauses, his palm to the back of her skull, knots in her hair forgotten. "I hadn't thought of it like that."

She nudges his hand with her head to get him going again. "Nikki - she never struck me as being all that kid-friendly."

He puffs out a laugh and scratches her scalp before dropping his hand. "Kate, honey, I say this in all love. But neither did you."

She twists against his raised knees, her ribs against his shins, takes a long look at him. "I'm not kid-friendly?"

"You are now. But back then? When I first started Nikki Heat? Those first few cases, kid-friendly isn't exactly how I pictured you. You were - dangerous and seductive and wild as a polecat."

"A polecat?"

"Let me rephrase that," he hedges, wincing when she pinches his skin. "Still are wild as a polecat. Ouch."

Kate tugs on his leg hair, props her chin on his knees, settles his laptop on the bed. The knots on one side of her head make her hair curl strangely, like a nest of little snakes. Also probably not a good allusion to make at the moment.

"Those first few cases were when I wrote the character sketch. Kids just weren't on Nikki's horizon. She's compassionate, and she knows how to talk to victims' families. And that's you. It's not that you didn't like kids or put them off or anything. Just that you never - it never seemed part of the plan."

And there's truth in that, not just because she has a job that encompasses all of her, but even when she did accidentally get pregnant, it wasn't exactly the best moment of their lives.

When he looks at her, there is only quiet acceptance of that in her face. Then she narrows her eyes and pulls his leg hair again. "So. What exactly is a polecat?" She rolls her eyes at his pout, but presses her lips to his kneecap in a kind of apology.

"A fitchew."

"A what?"

"It's in the weasel family."

She slaps the side of his leg. "You calling me a weasel?"

"Ooh, no. It's one of those terms my Mother likes to throw around. Local color. I think it's Southern. But it means skunk actually."

"A skunk is not any better, Castle."

He grins. "It just means . . .your hackles were always raised. Like a skunk sprays that awful odor when it's scared."

"So either you thought I was scared? Or you thought I stank."

"I - uh - seem to be digging a hole here. Lend me a hand out."

She turns and presses her breasts against his knees, lifts a little to offer her mouth. Not a hand out, but he'll take a kiss. Castle leans away from the headboard and captures her lips, stroking his tongue past the permeable barrier of her mouth, darting inside.

She hums and he drops his legs open, catches her before she can fall, gathers her against his chest. He's careful to avoid the laptop, since it does have the only copy of Felix at the moment, but Kate tucks her feet up and curls into him, kissing him slowly, unhurried. Mm, the best kind.

Castle strokes his palms down her arms, slides across her sides, and then up her back, bringing her shirt-

"Ah, ah, ow. Castle." She arches away from his hands and he stills, remembers the scratches down her back.

"Sorry," he murmurs, cradling the back of her head, whispering into her ear. He slowly lifts her shirt to look, wincing at the angry lines running parallel to her spine. "This looks worse than this morning."

"The salt from the ocean. And chlorine from the pool. And then my shirt keeps rubbing it."

"What happened to the band-aids?"

"They kept getting caught and coming off, so I just yanked them all."

"Let me put some anti-bacterial ointment on this, Kate." He lifts her shirt to her shoulders, nudges to get her to lift her arms.

She does, shivers in the air conditioning, and presses her chest to his to keep warm. He laughs softly, curls his hand at her shoulder.

"I gotta get up to get it. Lie down in bed. Here, lie down where the laptop was - it'll be all heated up."

She laughs back at him, shifts the laptop and presses down under the covers. Castle gets up quickly and heads for the bathroom and the neosporin. It takes him a minute to find it, and when he gets back, she's propped up on her elbows with the laptop open again. Her head turns to look at him.

"Email came in from Black Pawn. It's marked urgent."

"What did it say?"

She gives him a look. "I didn't read it."

"You didn't?"

She rolls her eyes. "After today? Hell no."

"You can read my emails, Kate," he laughs at her, kneeling down on the bed over her and untwisting the cap. "You can read the books. You can read whatever you want-"

"It's your stuff. Your private emails." She shrugs at him and pushes the screen of the laptop his direction.

"You know I don't care. Here, open up the email for me while I do this." He dabs antibiotic cream over the nastiest looking scratch, trying to go lightly.

She hisses and hunches her shoulders, but she opens his email; he reads over her bare shoulder, eyes darting back and forth between the message and what he's doing. She smears a long path up the worst of it, then dabs as the other places that have already started to scab over. Then his eyes go back to the last of that email.

And then he stops, reads it again.

"Castle, what does this mean?"

"Holy shit. I didn't think they'd send me a proposal."

"Is this for more books? Because that is a serious amount of money."

"No. Actually. Uh." He glances down at her bare back, the line of scratches, bruises forming like wings at her shoulder blades. "Wow. Um. I kind of did the same thing you did."

"What? What did I do?"

"Well. I'm not sure - I mean, when I started this, I was still just working at home, right?"

"What is this?" she says, and twists to look at him, a hand propping her head up. He blinks and puts the cream down, slides off her to sit beside her instead.

"You know. It's really hard to have a conversation with you when you're topless, Kate."

She laughs and sits up, then reaches towards the floor for her tshirt. Castle grabs her by the wrist to keep her from falling off the bed, watching in fascination as she moves, perfect tension and balance, her muscles strong, her body strong. Incredible.

Incredibly distracting.

When she shrugs the shirt back over her head, he blinks and has to take a moment.

"So. What is this about? Am I going to be angry with you?"

He runs a hand down his face. "No? No. Shouldn't be. But I - after they did this stuff with Felix? I ran into a lot of problems. They don't have a marketing department big enough for YA lit, they're limited on vision too, so instead of writing, I'm making all these decisions about cover art and type face and having to research YA markets."

"Who is they?"

"Black Pawn. The publisher. And I'm not looking to ditch them; they've been too good to me. They're perfect for Nikki."

She gives him a smile, leans in to brush her fingers over his knee, mirroring his position by sitting cross-legged on the bed as well.

He takes her hand, smooths out her palm with his thumb. "I offered to buy Black Pawn."

She blinks at him, her mouth drops.

"Yeah. Yeah, I didn't expect them to send me a counter-offer. I expected them to laugh."

She closes her mouth, stares at him. "So. What are you going to do?"

"Talk it over with you," he says, lifting an eyebrow and giving her a smile.

She gives a faint smile back. "What would it mean? If you owned Black Pawn?"

"I'd throw a lot of money into their marketing department, mostly because of the real lack of resources and vision for Felix."

She nods at that. Hopeful, right?

"But - uh - I also had this idea? That maybe I could hire you."

She laughs, but sobers quickly when he doesn't laugh with her. "Hire me for what?"

"Consulting. It would be - the reverse. You'd consult on my job," he says, grinning at her, feeling some of that initial enthusiasm flare up again. "Black Pawn represents an inordinate number of police procedural and crime novelists. You're a cop, a detective, and I'd say seventy-five percent of those novelists need some serious help with the facts."

"Castle."

"They come to me. You know I get new authors asking me to check their facts. I'm not the one they should be asking. It's you. You should get these questions. Because half the time I just ask you anyway."

"You want to hire me. Wait. You want to _buy_ Black Pawn." She says it softly, as if she's still stunned by the idea.

"I want to buy it, yes. I do. And - and yeah, I want you to be a consultant. And Esposito and Ryan too. Share the load, share the rewards. It would do a world of good for these new authors. And boost the quality of stuff Black Pawn publishes. Then I'd have the capital to rework their marketing, as well as-"

"You've really thought about this."

"You're not mad?"

"No. Not mad. Surprised. You get mad at me when I do this, but - Castle - I do this to you so much because this is how I work best. Plan it out, think it through, then present the complete package to you for your approval. No point coming to you with half-baked theories."

"But I like half-baked theories. I like coming up with all of it together."

She sighs, gives him a sad smile. Her fingers untangle from his and she brushes the hair back from his forehead. "I like coming up with it together, too."

He swallows back a sudden urge to crush her in his arms, hug her so tight, but he won't because her back is messed up, and it's his fault anyway. Instead he leans into her touch and closes his eyes.

"Castle," she murmurs.

"Mm."

"You wanna tell me more about this?"

"That's mostly it. I could buy Black Pawn."

"What about-" She stops, sounds hesitant, so he opens his eyes. She's biting her bottom lip.

"What about . . .?" he prompts.

"Working with me?"

"Yeah, well, that'll just be as it comes. I mean, you could do that through email. And I promise to treat them better than Alex Conrad if you have to do a face-to-face. I'm-"

She's shaking her head, smiling at him like she knows a secret. "No, not that end. I mean, with me. My job."

"Oh. Oh, right. Coming back to the 12th." He stares at her for a moment. "I can still do that."

Her eyes sharpen, but he hurries on.

"No, seriously, I can. Owning Black Pawn would be a lot of delegation, really. I'm gonna hire people to get it in shape. I can still be at the precinct for a couple days a week."

She takes a breath, meets his eyes again. "I'm - that was selfish. I'm sorry. Do you want to do this? Buy Black Pawn?"

He takes a moment, really thinks about what it means, the full implications of it. "Yes."

"Then you should."

He stares at her, his heart pounding.

Kate lifts to her knees and wraps her arms around his neck. When she speaks, her voice is quiet but it doesn't doubt, doesn't waver.

"You should buy it, Castle."


	88. Chapter 88

Allie slides slowly out of Rafe's bed and pauses once her feet hit the floor. Her little brother has never been a sound sleeper, but he doesn't stir. Rafe brushes his fingers over the back of her hand in good-bye, and she takes a long, slow breath and heads for connecting bathroom.

The dog lifts his head when she goes through, but it's okay. If Dash woke up now, it wouldn't matter. He'd just see his sister in the door of the bathroom. Nothing wrong with that.

Well, except it might matter to her mom, who maybe doesn't love the idea of Dash being up for good at four in the morning.

Allie takes a moment in the girls' bedroom to get her bearings, then decides she doesn't want to climb back up the bunk beds and try to fall asleep.

So she opens the door and pads out into the hall in her bare feet. Rafe was already half-asleep when she left, so she's pretty sure he won't follow her out here. Still, the sight of another person haunting the balcony throws her for a moment.

She slides open the glass door in only a thin pajama top and boxer shorts; Kate turns around with a sharp, startled look.

"Oh, Allie."

"Why are you up?" Allie asks, sliding the door behind her slowly and coming to her mom's side. Her mom. Yeah. The only woman who has ever managed to do that for her, be the right balance of friend and parent.

"Thinking. Couldn't stop. Makes me restless. Why are you up?"

Allie bites her lip and averts her eyes, then sighs. "Sneaking back to bed."

Kate laughs softly and slides her arm around Allie's shoulders, hugging her tightly, pressing her lips to Allie's forehead, like it's all so natural, effortless. The thing is, Alexis remembers, knows exactly how much work it was for Kate to get to this point. It makes the effortlessness of it now all the better, the more reassuring, something highly valued.

Allie tucks into Kate's side and presses her nose to her mom's shoulder. "Mad at me?"

"No. Course not."

"Dad would be."

"Your dad has trouble forgetting his little girl. Which is a good thing, Allie. He holds you forever in his heart as the innocent and perfect and unconditionally-loved little girl."

"It's not that good. He won't let me grow up."

"He doesn't have to let you do anything. You're old enough to make your own choices. To be honest, he has enough faith in you to know that you'll make good ones."

She nods but she's more curious now about Kate. About why Kate couldn't stop thinking. "What's going on with you?"

Her mom lets her go, turns and gestures to the lounge chairs sitting side by side on the balcony. The air at four in the morning is still humid, but the breeze keeps it comfortable; the sky is that strange pinking-black that signals the eventual arrival of sunrise.

Kate sits first and Allie follows, reaches over to lay her hand along Kate's, her fingers tangling with her mother's in a sudden rush of need. She knows that her father wouldn't - but - and the bad stuff with Kate was so long ago now - but that couple is getting divorced and Rafe's bringing up marriage and Kate sighed like-

"Mom?"

"A lot of things are changing. That's all." Kate gives her a bright, too-bright smile, that doesn't do a thing for Allie's nerves.

"Like . . . what?"

Kate sits forward suddenly, but doesn't remove her hand. Allie remembers seeing the scratches down her mom's back and seriously, you can't be having crazy outdoor sex and also be _changing_ things too. Right?

Allie strokes her finger over her mom's wedding band; her nail catches on the setting of Kate's mother's ring. "I like this," she says suddenly into the silence. But she does. She likes what it means, what it holds for Kate. She wants something like that too. If it comes. When it comes. When Rafe-

"You do?" Kate asks, and her voice is gentle, her eyes tender.

Allie nods and shrugs, looks out over the water to avoid that too-good look on her mom's face. Whew. Too much. She's not going to start crying for no good reason at four in the morning.

"Allie. Your new job?"

She mentally stumbles at the switch in subjects, clutches an armrest as she turns to look at Kate. "My new job. Yes?"

"You're just on-call now?"

"Right. I go in after the big fights; the problem is already over." Is this what Kate's worrying over? "It's really fine. We sit down, talk about the behavior and what triggered it. We make up an action plan for avoiding the behavior the next time, avoiding the antecedent if possible. It's mostly stuff that's common sense, really."

"When you worked the lockdown unit? How bad did it get?"

Allie studies her mother's face, but when has Kate Beckett ever shirked from the gritty truth? "It gets bad. The girls there all have some serious issues. We had one girl who'd been involved in an incestuous relationship with her brother - at her own mother's brutal insistence. And so -" Allie rubs a hand over her face. "So, she's permanently sociopathic. Her mother beat out of her any objections, any notion of right or wrong, so now she has none. None. She-" _She's not supposed to talk about this._

Allie bites her lip and turns her head away, gathers herself back together, finds her center. She remembers how Kate used to teach her self-defense when she first started this work. Dashiell was almost two but Kate would have Dad take the kid so they could spar in the 12th's workout room. Kate taught her this, how to reach back for that calm center, how to be unmovable, fixed, ever ready. It works so well.

"Allie."

She looks up, her mom regarding her seriously, but without any deeper concern, any sense that Allie's not fit to handle this. Kate has always known Allie's strength and allowed for it, given it time to grow and mature. She's grateful for that.

"Allie," she says again, and this time the hesitation is all on Kate's side. Not for Allie or because of Allie's job, but for herself. And that makes no sense.

"Mom?"

"Do you think I could do it?"

Wait. _What?_

"On the unit. Crisis counselor. Do you think I could do it?"

"Wait. What are you talking about?"

"You need some detachment, right? I can - I think I've got practice at that." Kate gives her a quirk of her lips, self-mocking. "Self-defense training, obviously. The schedule is flexible, from what I remember."

"It is. Yes. You could work the weekend shift and be home all week. And you do have training. Plus this stuff you guys do with Julie and Dash, the behavioral therapy, that's a really good foundation for this. But, wait. Hold on. Mom?"

Kate lets out a long breath, as if she's getting ready to dive underwater and is measuring what it will take, how much she needs to make it last. "Yeah. See. Your dad's going to buy Black Pawn."

"Wow." She stares at Kate, laughs. "Okay, but - how does that-?"

"I set it up for him to come back to the 12th with me, but now - he can't do both. I don't want him to try to do both, when he obviously really wants to go in this direction. It's safer, isn't it?"

"Dad was gonna go back to work with you?" And even though Allie thinks she had this under control, it's been nice these last few years not worrying. The idea of him going back, with Dash and Ellery so small, the idea that Dad might not come home one day and those two kids wouldn't have gotten the wonderful, amazing experience of growing up with her father like Allie did-

"He says he still wants to. But."

"But?" She's still reeling over the whole _buying Black Pawn_ thing, but it hits her that Kate started this conversation with wanting to change jobs. "Wait. Back to you. Back to working at Youth Villages. What?"

Kate brushes her hand over her mouth and closes her eyes. "Don't tell your dad. I'll talk to him about this - I should've said something to him first. I just like to research all my options, you know, and he hates it when we don't talk it out together, but-"

"Wait. You mean - you're thinking about retiring from the NYPD, aren't you? Aren't you?"

Kate won't look at her, but she shrugs. "I don't know what I'm thinking. Convince me, Allie."

"Oh my gosh," Allie laughs, leans forward herself to clasp her arms around her knees, stare at this woman. "Oh my word, _Kate._ What do you want me say? Yes, you should retire before you get shot? Before we don't get to have you anymore?"

Kate shivers hard, and Allie immediately regrets the words. But they're true.

"You think about Ella and Dash?" she asks after a moment.

"Of course I do," Kate moans, putting her head in her raised knees.

"No. No, I mean, about how much they admire you? How baby girl walks around in your shoes, Mom? She walks around in your own shoes. Dad sent me pictures of her Halloween costume. Dashiell never shuts up about how his mom catches bad guys."

Kate lifts her head, blinks, brushes a couple fingers under her right eye.

"They think you're awesome. And if something ever happened to you, I know they'd think like I do, just like I did about Dad when he first started following you around, just like I think of you now - so proud. We're so proud of what you do. How you put yourself in harm's way just to make sure that the three of us won't ever have to."

Kate uncurls and leans in to Allie, wraps both arms around her tightly. "You - you are a very amazing woman."

Allie takes a shaky breath and hugs her back, the embrace strong but still a little desperate.

Kate kisses her cheek. "Thank you. Go back to bed. Your own bed, Allie."

She laughs and pulls away from her mom, blushing a little, but searching Kate's eyes. "You too, you know. Go get some sleep."

"I will," Kate says, but Allie isn't sure she really will.

* * *

><p>Rafe is making breakfast, totally zoned in on the art of it, when the front door clicks open and swings back with a slam. He jumps and ruins his decorative swirl of egg concoction, puts the bowl down to investigate.<p>

He left the balcony door open for the breeze this morning, but it looks like Kate was out running. When she came back in, the wind tunnel effect slammed the door. She's wincing as she steps quietly down the hall, but her face clears when she sees him.

"Oh good. I thought I had left the balcony door open by accident."

"Nope, that was me." Rafe wipes his fingers on the kitchen towel, slings it over his shoulder to put his hands on his hips. "Running?"

She nods and heads into the kitchen, grabbing water from the fridge. He expects her to go, but she just leans her shoulder against the door and watches him a moment.

"You okay?" he asks, glancing at her as he heads back for the egg mixture.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Needed to run. Just - the sweat stings." She gives him a wry look and pushes off the fridge to circle the bar, sit down. "I actually - I was going to suggest something. Wait a sec." She hops back off the bar stool and heads halfway down the hall, then comes back. "Allie's in her own bed?"

Rafe blushes fiercely and scrubs a hand down his face. "Ah."

"No, I mean. She's asleep now, right?"

He nods. Wow. That was awkward.

"I just don't want her to overhear us. Okay, see, Allie and I talked this morning."

He vaguely remembers her leaving his bed and then hearing the girls' hall door open a little later. "Oh?"

"Just girl talk," Kate smiles at him, sitting on the stool again, propping her elbows on the bar. "But based on some things she said . . . actually, I should ask you this first. Do you have a ring for her already?"

He gapes at Kate, his hands freezing over his preparations. "I - Well - not yet. I was gonna try to trick her into ring shopping with me this afternoon. Go to one of the malls here. Casual. And then I'd go back and get it later today. Whatever she likes the best. I don't - I don't know."

Kate only grins at him, then spreads her fingers and tugs off her diamond engagement ring. "I want to - suggest? - I'd like Allie to have it."

He stands rooted to the spot, unable to reach for it, because he knows - Allie has told him - he has some small idea exactly what that ring means. "But. Allie said. Allie said that was your mom's."

Kate's face blanks, her hand falters, but she puts the ring on the counter between them. "It was. And then it was mine. And. And it should be my daughter's."

But Ellery? But her mom was murdered. But-

"I don't know what to say," he gets out lamely. "Allie . . ."

"She said to me, this morning, she said she wants something like it. And I could tell by her face she didn't mean the stone or the cut. She meant something with history-"

"Meaning," he interupts. Because he knows that's it exactly. He knows Allie. "She wants it to mean something."

Kate nods. Then touches the diamond with her fingertip. Her head comes up and he doesn't see any doubt there. None at all. "You'd be doing me an honor, and maybe this wasn't what you had in mind, but Castle's been after me for a while now to get something a little less-"

She swallows.

He has to show her, somehow, that he knows what this means. "A little less burdened?"

Her eyes flicker up to his and she draws her hand back, the ring between them. "Yes. For me. But for Allie?"

He shakes his head and studies the diamond. It's huge - really, bigger than he could afford - and it's simple like Allie, and it's beautiful, it really is. And-

and it's her mother's. Allie's mother. Not just Kate's.

"Allie would - she'd get it. And you're right. The meaning-" He stops again, can't figure out how to say what needs to be said.

"When her dad asked me to marry him, okay well, the time I said yes," she laughs and quirks her mouth. "He had this ring. I always wore it on a chain around my neck, but it kept scratching Dashiell as a baby. I didn't figure it out for a long time, and when I realized it was this - this was hurting my son - I couldn't do it. I took it off for good."

"And then Rick proposed with it?" he says, can't quite see how that was an okay thing.

"It didn't fit my finger; my mom's were smaller. He got it resized. It was sweet - it was what I needed. And then, oh I don't know, a few years ago? He kinda panicked about it. He thought he should've wiped the slate clean, gotten me something ridiculous and expensive."

Okay, so that's funny. And it makes Richard Castle more of a guy, doesn't it? Instead of Allie's father, or the best-selling author, or the man who wants to lay this heavy load of responsibility on Rafe's shoulders. Rick is now just a guy who messes up and tries to fix it.

"So really. Rick will get to pick me out something new, and Allie will get to have something meaningful. I hope. But please, please say no if you don't want to do it like this. I don't want you to think you have to. I've got Ellery to shove it off on, right?"

He laughs at that and reaches out to the ring, his fingers hovering over it. "I - I don't want to take it from Ellery though. I mean. Ellery is really y-"

"Don't even say it," Kate states quietly. He glances up and her eyes are dark, almost dangerous. "Don't think it. Because that's not true."

Heat floods his cheeks, but even through his embarrassment, he's so proud. So grateful. Beacuse Allie loves Kate without boundaries, in a kind of desperate and needy way that he's not sure is always healthy, but it looks like it's okay. Kate not only loves her back, but owns her, claims her, would never let her go.

He scoops up the ring, puts it in his pocket. "Thank you. I don't know how we'll keep it from her for the next few days - she'll notice you're not wearing it - but thank you."

"Just do it sooner rather than later," Kate says with a laugh, and her eyes are so green that they shine even with the sunlight pouring around her. He thought they were brown. But they're not, not always it seems.

He clears his throat and nods at her. "I'll - uh - yeah. She said to ask when I got a ring."

And he feels it in his pocket, not heavy and not burdened, but made light by the way Kate wants to pass it on, by the way it has promise bound to it through the women who have worn it in their own time.

"Now I have a ring."


	89. Chapter 89

Castle grunts, opens an eye to early morning sunlight and his wife.

"Rick."

He jerks up, heart pounding at the tone in her voice. "Kate?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Is someone hurt?" He scrapes a hand down his face, scissors his legs to get out of bed.

"No, no," she murmurs, puts her hand on his thigh to keep him there. She squeezes and he glances down, not comprehending.

"What?"

"I did something," she whispers, nudging his leg so she can crawl up with him.

Castle pulls his feet back in bed, watches her with equal parts confusion and want. Her hair is up in a messy pony tail, sweat still slicks her neck, a damp v in her shirt. Kate doesn't get under the covers, but she perches next to him on her knees, practically vibrating with anxiety.

"What did you do?" he says finally, reaching out to take her hand.

She winces, almost a cringe, and it surprises him. He cradles her hand between his, wonders if she fell while she was running, if she broke something. But her hand is unmarred, her fingers are even flexing against his. So nothing's broken.

"Kate. What did you do? Are you hurt?"

"No, not - it's not that. I just - Rafe was out in the kitchen and I kinda did it on impulse. I didn't think it through. But I think it's right."

"Did you kick him out?" he says, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. She looks like she did something _wrong_ and this is the only thing that makes any sense.

Kate laughs at that, a little bubble of relief, shakes her head. She laces their fingers together and raises their joined hands up in front of his eyes. "You're gonna have to buy me a new ring."

He looks at her smooth finger, the strip of pale skin where it should be. "Oh. Did it go down the sink?"

She bites her lip. "I gave it to Rafe. For Alexis."

His jaw drops.

She stares at him. "I should've run it by you first. I know. I know you hate that. But it was - I talked to Allie this morning when we both were up prowling, and then when I got back from my run, there was Rafe and it just - just happened. I didn't want to wait, because I wasn't sure when I'd have a moment alone with him, but I want - I want Allie to have it."

His daughter has a ring. She's that close to marriage-?

Wait. His daughter has _Kate's_ ring.

"Castle?"

"You want Alexis to have your ring?" he says finally. This - this gorgeous woman. Staring at him like he might be upset, like it could blow up in her face, only it couldn't. It could never be wrong, wanting to give his daughter, his first child something so precious. "_Kate."_

"Did I do right?" she whispers.

He falls all over her trying to get at her, hug her so tight, dragging her into his lap to take her up into himself where she'll never get hurt, never need to wonder, where he can have her close forever. She squeezes back just as hard, and he can feel the tremble of her fingers at his back as she holds on to him.

"You gave Alexis your ring. Your mother's ring. I didn't - it's your mother's ring."

"And then it was mine, Rick. You made it mine. Now it will be hers."

And then it hits him, even more, what she's done. She's passed it on. She's kept a family tradition, the links - mother to daughter, because Alexis is hers, is just as much hers as Ellery or Dash, and that - that - she's amazing.

He presses his mouth to her ear, her jaw, kissing her hard, too much, because of how this feels, overwhelmed, and then he finds her lips and breaks into them, steals her breath.

Kate surges closer, wrapping her legs around his waist, arms still embracing him, her body flush with his. He can feel the sweat under his fingers at her neck, taste it on her tongue as he robs her of any more words, anything else beautiful and poignant she might possibly say, because he wouldn't be able to survive, couldn't.

Castle holds her close, so close, until they have to breathe, until it's necessary to take a moment and rest, foreheads touching, mouths sharing the same air, her lashes brushing his cheek.

"You are so beautiful," he pants against her, groaning at the feel of her around him. "So beautiful how you love our kids. How you move through this life with me. God, I love you. I love you-"

She seals her mouth over his, absorbing the rest into her kiss, and even as aggressive and claiming as it is, she doesn't use her teeth, doesn't demand more, doesn't push. It's not her kind of kiss, and it's not his either - it's a blend of the both of them. It's still that intense, bordering-edge of need that makes every hard line of his body want to be over her, in her, with her, but it's rich and deep and focused solely on the way their mouths mate rather than anything else.

He moves away again, has to, for his own sanity, crushes her against him. "Why? Tell me why. I want to hear you, your words."

She shudders, her legs squeezing his hips, rocking forward, but her mouth finds his ear. "Because she - she deserves all I can give her."

Castle's hands clench around her ribs, tighter, and she gasps, but keeps going.

"Because she's mine."

"Yes," he says, and drops his head into her neck, breathing in her skin. "You - yes."

"Because she taught me, and because you taught me, how to be a mother."

"Kate," he moans, because that's not right, that can't be right - she taught him-

"Because when you gave me that ring, Castle, it meant more than _Be my wife_. It meant _Share all this with me. Have it with me and no one else._ And that's all I wanted. And what I want for her."

He kisses her neck, he's been kissing her neck really, but now he sucks on her sweat-salted skin and licks at the tendon moving against his mouth as she slides her hands up his shirt.

"Rick. Now. I need you now. Please."

He bites into her skin and she shivers. "You and no one else."

* * *

><p>Kate strokes two fingers over his right eyelid, feels his grin under her wrist.<p>

"What're you doin'?" he says, rough with exhaustion.

"You got back to sleep, baby. I woke you up," she says back, still draped over his body.

"It's all good, babe."

Her skin burns at the sound of his voice, like that, like that, a richness and a hoarseness to it she knows from one place. Here. Right now. This time, times like this.

She hums at the pet name because he expects it, because she did it again entirely on accident, and he expects her faint disapproval and huff of annoyance, of course he does, and she sees him smile that lazy, drowsy smile of contentment, pleased with himself, his eyes still shut, his face lit by pale morning sun.

His fingers slide slowly up her back and then drops off, hitting the mattress, and he's seriously gone.

Out - just like that.

Kate watches him for a long moment, stretching it out, the warmth of pleasure and rightness, the feel of his body under hers. When her skin starts to cool and her sweat gets itchy, she lifts her lips to his chin, kisses the cleft, the burn of stubble so good against her mouth.

Then she slides off, draws the sheet up around him, smoothing her fingers through the hair at his temple. She has to lean down once more and kiss him again, lightly on the mouth, before stepping away for a shower.

She thinks about him while she goes through the motions, auto-pilot, scrubbing sweat out of her hair, thinking about him, just him, and the way he looks at her and how it was when he proposed - all the times he proposed - and the touch of his mouth that just breaks her apart.

Soap sluices down her back and she winces, stepping away from the shower head, back arched. She hisses and slowly gets in the water again, gritting her teeth as it stings, so badly.

Okay, well now those sappy, warm feelings are swirling right down the drain with all that hot water, but - ah, well - it was worth it. It is worth it.

And it reminds her, randomly, that Dash wanted to have hot tea with her this morning, so she better get going.

She finishes up quickly, shuts off the shower, towels dry. It's rare that she's up before Dashiell, and if Rafe is out there making breakfast, then Dash will probably go ahead and get out of bed. She wants to be the one to go get him, hold his snuggly, warm little body as she carries him into the kitchen.

She dresses in jeans, white tshirt, pulls her hair back wet, smears on a little foundation for the sunscreen in it, finds her eyeliner in the floor after a crazy search, finishes up her makeup.

Castle is still deeply asleep, and even though her back feels a little raw - his hands were all over her, so he might have opened up the scabs - she leans over him and kisses his mouth while he's out.

He tastes good. Maybe it's just her toothpaste and cherry lip gloss the kids gave her for Christmas, but he does. Maybe also because she loves him. So much.

Kate brushes a thumb over his eyebrow, then heads out to get her son.

* * *

><p>The tv is on in his room, but Dashiell is curled up alongside his dog, face mashed in between a pillow and a paw. Kate puts a knee on his bed and jiggles the mattress, waking them both.<p>

Dash turns his head, blinking up at her, and then his face spreads in a wide smile. "You come to get me!"

"I did, baby. When did you first wake up?"

"Mm, it had a six at the beginning. You went to run."

"Ohh, did my leaving wake you up?"

He shrugs.

"Have you gone to the bathroom?"

He nods at her and pushes up in bed, shaking hair out of his eyes. "I can get up?"

"Yeah. You want to have some hot tea with me, my little man?"

His grin reappears and he gets to his knees on the bed, arms up to her. He does love to snuggle in the morning, just like a Castle, so she leans over and gathers him up, kissing his face with a loud smack of her lips.

He wraps his legs around her, his arms, wriggles in close to lay his head on her shoulder. His fingers play in her hair like they did when he was a toddler. Mm, she remembers that so well, the little baby fingers at her neck, his babble in her ear, his delight at the world, how he ran full tilt towards everything.

She cups his cheek and kisses him again, then turns for the door, walking out with her growing-up boy. She feels Dashiell gesturing to Rex over her shoulder, looks back to see him urging the dog forward, into the hall.

"Come on, Rex," she murmurs, waiting a moment. The dog comes to heel, tongue lolling, looking up at her. "Good dog. I'll get you some food before we make hot tea."

She snuggles into Dashiell one last time, then puts his feet on the floor, shows him the bag of dog food and the plastic cup Castle used.

"Like this, Mommy?"

She nods as she watches him measure it out, then his careful steps to the dog's dish where he dumps it out.

"Hold it a little closer to the bowl, baby. That way it all gets in there."

"More?"

"One more scoop, just like that. This can be our job in the morning, since you and me get up so early."

"Yeah, I can do that. You feed me and I feed Rex."

She laughs, ruffles his hair, and fills up Rex's water bowl. She sets it down next to his food and he attacks both of them.

"After we have hot tea, we'll probably need to take him out."

"Oh, I did that this morning while you were running," Rafe says, coming down the hall from the direction of the girls' room. "So he should be good."

"Oh, Rafe, thanks."

"Also, I put everything in the microwave to stay warm, but it's the kind of breakfast where you can come and go. Just grab one and heat it up whenever you want."

"You're awesome," she says, grinning at him. "Dash and I were about to have some hot tea. And then we'll grab breakfast. Want to join us?"

She kinda wants to keep this between her and Dash, but she also wants to include Rafe in everything this family does. She doesn't want him to think he's not allowed in.

But he shakes his head. "I - um - I actually am gonna eat with Allie. In there."

Ohh, breakfast in bed. Very sweet. "Sure, go ahead."

He nods and grabs two glasses of orange juice off the counter, which Kate just now notices, then heads past her and Dash for the girls' room again.

Yeah, Ellery can sleep through anything. Still, she's not sure how breakfast in bed in the top bunk is gonna go, but that's up to them.

Dashiell has already grabbed the stool from the bathroom and is dragging it out into the kitchen. He nudges it with his knee up to the counter. "I'm ready, Mommy."

She grins at him and slides up next to him The coffee is already brewed, but she grabs two mugs from the cabinet and gives him one.

They make his hot tea together, just putting the mug of water in the microwave, adding a little milk and honey, then a tea bag. She doesn't have any sanka here, but he likes the English Breakfast tea well enough.

And mostly, her sweet boy just wants to drink hot tea with his Mommy, have the morning alone together. His last morning as a four year old.

She pours the coffee into her mug and slides it over to him, lets him add creamer and sugar, just how she likes it. She's surprised he remembers, but he is a Castle, isn't he? He pays attention to the people he loves.

When Dashiell is done, he stirs the spoon slowly, then slides it back across the counter to her, grinning broadly.

Kate kisses the side of his face, smudges the chapstick from his skin. "Thank you, baby. Want to go out on the balcony and watch the ocean with me?"

"Can my dog come too?"

She glances down at Rex, but he's seriously too big to fall through the slats of the railing. Would he jump it though? She doesn't think so.

"Of course. Come on, Rex." She hands Dashiell his mostly warm mug, watches him carefully as they make their way through the living room. Unlike most dogs she's met, Rex is sedate as he walks behind them, doesn't trip them up, doesn't get in the way.

Kate wraps her fingers around her mug and reaches down to have a hand at Dash's back as he steps over the threshold, making sure he's got it. They stand out onto the balcony together and the wind lifts the scraggly strands of hair off her face, cools her skin.

Dash is watching her when she looks down at him.

"Let's sit together," she says softly, and then places her mug on the little table between the lounge chairs, gets in one. She takes Dash's mug from him, pats the space next to her.

When they're both settled in, she hands his hot tea back to him, picks up her own coffee, blows on it to cool. From the corner of her eye, she sees Dash do the same.

She grins into her first sip, relishing the hit of caffeine and the pleasure of her almost-five-year-old sitting beside her, his legs stretched out next to hers, his shoulder at her arm. mimicking her in every little thing, just like he used to when he was a toddler.

He leans his head against her, a little hum, and she reaches over with her free hand, strokes the side of his face.

Dash glances up at her, a question in his eyes.

She leans in and kisses his forehead. "You are my best boy. And I love you."

He looks like he's about to throw his arms around her, but he remembers his hot tea just in time, and pauses, caught in the middle of longing and caution.

Kate grins, takes his mug and her own, sets them down, and opens her arms. Dashiell crawls into her lap and hugs her hard.

She embraces him, rocking side to side a little.

"I love you, Mommy. Thank you for hot tea. And my dog. I love my dog."

She laughs, and Rex lifts his head from his spot beside the lounge chair, giving her a look.

She grins at Rex. "Yeah, I love your dog too. But you most of all."

"All the ways, Mommy."


	90. Chapter 90

A finger pokes him in the eye. A foot in his ribs.

Castle moves away from the little body, but finds he's being followed. He sighs and turns over, sees Ellery in bed with him.

"What are you doing, little cricket?" he says, his voice gruff with sleep. Kate just emotionally blind-sided him about two hours ago, then physically too (pretty much - he is _wiped_), and now his baby girl is curled up with him, doing what exactly?

"Sleep with you, Daddy."

"Did you have a bad dream?"

She stays silent on that one, and he's not sure she knows what bad dreams are anyway. She sleeps like the dead - seriously, she does, and there's no pun intended, but she sleeps _hard_, and so if she does have nightmares, they don't usually wake her up.

"Did you not find Mommy?"

"Sleep with you, Daddy."

Well, she's a good sleeper. If she says she wants to sleep, then she will. Unlike sleeping with Dash, Castle won't be getting smacked in the face halfway through his best REM cycle.

"Okay, baby girl, come snuggle with me." He grabs her by the waistband of her pjs and tugs her closer, making her giggle at him, that soft little sound that reminds him of Kate. Somehow. Kate doesn't giggle, as a rule, but he likes to think that she did once, just like this. He thinks he's the kind of parent that Ellery needs to never let her lose that giggle - the same way he's been the one to help Kate find hers again.

Of course, a lot of that depends on Kate, doesn't it? If Kate survives - unlike her own mother - then Ella has no reason to lose her giggle. Man, he's morbid today. It's probably the early morning wake up call, thinking something bad happened, then the discussion about her ring. It's left all this stuff in his head. And dang it, he's on vacation. He doesn't want to have serious thoughts while he's on vacation.

"I need some more sleep. You gonna sleep right next to me?" He smooths Ella's dark hair down, touches her nose with his fingertip.

Ella wriggles closer, drops a kiss to his cheek, then slides over to Kate's side, curls up with her mother's pillow, her back to him. Plenty of room, which is good, because he doesn't want to accidentally roll over on her. She's too tiny. He takes a moment to lay on his stomach, brushes his hand across the back of her head.

"Night-night, cricket."

At her silence, he lifts up to look. She's already asleep.

* * *

><p>"All right, you sleepyheads. Time to get up."<p>

Castle swallows and slits his eyes; sunlight pours around her - Kate - leaving her all in shadows. "No."

She laughs and bounces the mattress, his trick for waking the kids, and then he remembers Ellery is in here with him somewhere. "Ell?"

"Asleep. Come on, Ella-bean, we got the beach waiting for us."

As nice as it sounds to sit in the warm sun, he kinda would rather have Kate in here with him, under the covers, curled up. He opens his eyes a little wider to see her, then darts his arm forward and catches her as she's bent over Ellery, snags her by the waist, and pulls her down.

Kate was more off-balanced than he thought, because she flops down hard on his chest and he loses his breath for a second. She slaps her palm against his pec and grumbles at him.

"You almost made me fall on Ella-"

"But you didn't," he shoots back, wrapping both arms around her and keeping her there. "You're too good. Too graceful. And strong. And smart. And sexy-"

"That has absolutely nothing to do with it," she mutters at him, but he hears her laughing too.

Castle opens his eyes, sees her perched on top of him, both not amused and also - yeah - amused too. He loves that, loves making her happy despite herself. "It has everything to do with it. The sexy girls always fall all over me. They don't fall on my daughter. That would be ridiculous."

"You are the one who's ridiculous. As you always are in the morning." But she layers a kiss over his lips and strokes her fingers down his chin. "It's already eight-thirty, Rick."

"Only eight-thirty? Arg. Come on."

She moves to slide off of him but he hangs on, rolling with her onto his side and being careful not to knock her into Ellery. The girl is still asleep - or has fallen back asleep - which just proves his theory that eight-thirty is entirely too early.

"Dash and I have been up for hours," Kate complains, but she lays her head on his arm and closes her eyes.

Doesn't mean he's got her, not yet.

"Let me sleep in a little more and then I won't utter a single word about taking pictures this afternoon."

Her eyes pop open. "How'd you - I didn't say a word about it."

He grins at her. "I used to follow around this hot detective. She might have taught me a thing or two."

Kate narrows her eyes at him, tries to wriggle back, but he traps her there. "Don't wake the baby."

"That is exactly what I'm trying to do. And how did you know I got a photographer?"

"They told me in the office. The lady said she had found their list of photographers and did I want it now or just email like you asked. Then I snooped."

She snorts at him and her arm comes around his waist, settling in it seems. "Okay, fine. I scheduled one. I want a family picture on the beach even though that's so cliche-"

"It really is. It's horribly overdone-"

"Hush. Allie and Rafe can both be in it this way. And then pictures of the kids, with the sun about to set, and not on my phone for once-"

"Some of you with the kids too-" he adds, nuzzling her nose. "Then you alone. Lots of you, that black bikini you brought but haven't worn for me yet-"

"I'm not looking to go overboard here, Castle. And no, we're not taking dirty pictures either." She laughs a little at him, looking like she won't move any time soon.

He slides his fingers to the waistband of her jeans, slips along her skin.

She shuts down his wayward hands with a squeeze of her knees around his thigh, warning or encouragement, he can't tell. But he does make it a little more PG, kisses her softly, remembers what they already did this morning. And who else is in the bed with him, even if she is asleep.

"Did I dream sweaty Kate this morning?" he murmurs, his mouth close to her ear.

"No dream, stud," she laughs back, that rich and throaty thing that always puts him right back there - in the mood, ready for more.

"I like it better when you call me baby."

"All night long?" she says absently, as if she's quoting something, and then she extricates his hand from its so very nice spot, shaking her head. "I never mean to call you baby."

He nods, grinning back, rolls a little closer to her. "I know. That's what makes it special."

"You're such a girl," she complains, but her eyes are still warm and laughing. She encircles his neck with her arms and gives him a sound kiss, hard and with a little hint of her tongue, before pulling back. "It's time to get up. Last day of Dashiell at four and I want to do stuff."

"Oh, that's awesome. I hadn't thought of it like that."

"It's not awesome, it's making me stupidly sad," she says back, wrinkling her nose at him as she sits up in bed. Her hand goes out to Ellery and instead of shaking her awake, Kate brushes her fingers over the little girl's cheek, into her hair.

"Aww, Mommy's getting sappy?" Castle sits up with her, slides an arm around her shoulders to lean in and blow a raspberry against her neck. She gasps and shoves him away, laughing again.

"Like always, you're an overgrown kid," she shoots back. He doesn't even need to look in her eyes to know she's also grateful, that his goofiness keeps her from dwelling on it.

"Don't worry. It only gets better as they get older," he says, brushing the hair back from her neck to give her a better kiss. She flinches when his lips get to her skin, but then she hums and leans into him when he's gentle.

"I hope so," she murmurs, bringing her hand up to his cheek, holding him there. "Because it's pretty great right now."

"Well, when he turns 12 or so, we'll have to pay strict attention. That's when boys get surly."

She laughs at that, as he intended, and turns her head to kiss his nose. "You were surly?"

"I was something."

"I wish Dash could stay a sweet little boy forever," she says on a sigh.

Ellery stirs and flops an arm out, smacks her lips, but stays asleep. Castle looks back to Kate and she's watching the girl with that same tender regard, that same bittersweet feeling.

"Hey," he says, nudging her. "No more of that. If you wanna be all weepy and stuff, at least let me sleep through it."

"I'm not weepy," she grunts, elbowing him. "I'm - I'm just thinking out loud."

"Do it a little more quietly so I can get back to bed."

"No, you're a part of this," she says quickly, tugging on his ear to keep him from turning away. He really wants to sleep.

"How? You can lament our son's last day of being four just fine on your own."

"No, because - wait, Castle."

He sighs, leans his head against her shoulder, tries a little bit of pouting. She pats his cheek.

"Okay, stay there. Just don't fall asleep on me."

"I'm listening."

"I think we should forget my plan."

"Uh. I don't - about the dinosaurs?"

"Dinosaurs?"

"For Dash's party?" He closes one eye; this would go better if he had more sleep. He's pretty sure of that.

"No, Rick. For the 12th. For you coming back."

"But I-"

"Hush, give me a chance to explain. I think - I don't know what I think actually - but I want to try - I think I want to-"

He lifts his head, frowning at her as she tries to get at whatever it is she's been thinking about. "You want to what?"

"Quit."

"What?" He jerks back, sitting on his feet to look at her. "You want to what?"

"I want to quit. Or - or retire? Can you retire before you're even forty? Maybe not. I might lose my pension and-"

"Wait, whoa, hold up. First - who cares about your pension? We have plenty of money. But most importantly, Kate, shiiiip, you just - what are you saying here?"

She lifts a baleful eye at him. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying here. I haven't even thought it through, Castle, which drives me nuts, but you're the one who keeps getting upset when I don't include you on these things and I-"

"Wait, hold on, love." He wraps his fingers around her wrist, squeezes. "I do appreciate your including me. That's not it. What I want to know is why - what made you come to this?"

"I want to be here. I want to be alive - I want to have the luxury of not worrying about Russian mobsters who might have or might not have killed my husband-"

"Whoa, okay," he murmurs, gathers her by the shoulders and tugs her against him. But she fights him off; she's not sad. She's passionate. She pushes back and shakes her head at him.

"No, wait. Listen. Also? I think maybe if I had a different job, we'd have another kid."

"What?" Can she seriously up-end their entire family life this quickly?

"It's just a thought. Struck me this morning that I'm going to miss having a baby - Ellery's not even really a toddler anymore, not the way she's growing up so fast. And I just got the hang of this, being a mom to a couple of little ones, and now I don't want to - well, that's kind of stupid, I know, but-"

"Kate," he sighs. "We don't need another one. We're perfect. We talked about this."

"We are perfect," she says, giving him a soft and lovely smile. Her fingers reach out from the snare of his hand and stroke his wrist. "We really are. And if it happens, it would be more perfect. I'm not saying I want us to get pregnant. I'm saying, I don't want to have to worry about it, either way. Trying to arrange leave from work, trying to balance, every day, the risk of putting myself out there on the job with whatever little life might-"

She breaks off on a shrug and he stares at her, stunned. He never thought about it like that, about how every day she worried over just going in to work pregnant, and what might happen. Every day. How miserable she must have been, in the darkest part of her heart, knowing that there was always the possibility it didn't end well.

"Okay," he says slowly and shifts back beside her, leaning against the headboard as he tries to breathe through it. It's not a conversation about having another baby - they've had that conversation and it's done, settled. This is about her - quitting.

"Castle. I need you to tell me what you think."

"I'm still a little stunned, babe."

"Do you think I can do it? And still be me."

"Of course," he says. Easy. "Why would you not be you?"

"Would I lose - lose the part of me that you fell in love with? The part that keeps you here."

"Never," he growls, wrapping both arms around her. "Never, not in a million years. There's not one part that keeps me here, Kate. Just you. You keep me."

"And our kids," she adds. Her voice is strong. No hesitations or questions in it. Good. She does know, then.

"And the kids. If you do want to stop being a detective, that doesn't stop you being you. You just end up using those things differently. Now if you said you wanted to quit and spend all day on the couch, watching tv and eating chocolate, then I'd be worried."

"Hm, maybe I do."

"Yeah, right."

She hums and kisses the side of his neck, then shrugs her shoulders to dislodge his grip. "Back still hurts. Easy." He lets go, draws his hands down to her waist as she goes on. "I'd never - lazing around on the couch would never happen. I was thinking - I could do something like Alexis."

"Uh. . ."

"Crisis counselor. Or work in the lockdown unit. I think I might be good at that."

"You'd be amazing at that."

She smiles against his skin; he can feel the little hum of pleasure at his words.

"I don't know anything yet. It's just thinking out loud, Castle. Okay? So don't go - making plans or getting your hopes up or-"

"No, no. I got it. I understand. You want my help thinking out loud. Okay, so what does this look like? You retire from the NYPD. You get a different job. There's some training involved, some probationary period, usually 90 days. A whole new system of paperwork and bureaucracy and-"

"Okay, yes. Kinda sucks when you put it like that."

He laughs and feathers his fingers over the side of her face. "That's because you don't like change. I love the idea of having to learn all that new stuff. Also, I could totally follow around a hot crisis counselor. Good stories in that too."

"Oh," she says softly. "Nikki. I didn't think about that. Does it make it difficult to write?"

"No, love. Nikki is set."

She snuggles in closer to him. "I like that. Nikki is set."

"But apparently, you're not set."

"I don't know what I am. Missing my four year old already and maybe feeling like what happened six months ago was a warning."

"You've had a lot of those. We both have." He brushes his fingers along the scar at her wrist, remembering.

She sighs. "Okay, then maybe it feels like my ninth life."

"Sure, I get that," he says, and he does. He gets it all too well.

"Plus, stud, if you really plan on buying Black Pawn, you're gonna have a lot of work to do. I might have to take over the Mr Mom duties."

"I think," he laughs. "I could be wrong, but I think that it's just called Mom duties by that point."

He glances down at her and she's smiling at him too. She lifts up and kisses him, scratches her nails lightly over his unshaved chin. "Okay, Castle. Time to get up, time to go. Enough talking."

She turns away, gets out of his arms, and scoops up Ellery. The little girl is still out, but Kate's heading for the door, smacking kisses into Ella's exposed neck to wake her.

Castle sits, still a little shell-shocked in their bed, and watches her leave.

She might _retire_?


	91. Chapter 91

"See?" she hisses at him. "This is why I don't tell you stuff."

"But. Kate. You might _retire?_"

"I don't know, Castle," she growls and pushes him away as she cleans up the last of the breakfast dishes. The kids are supposedly getting bathing suits on with their older sister's help - and brother? Is that what they'll be calling Rafe? Not uncle. That seems strange.

Rick grabs a dish towel and starts drying, stacking things away in cabinets, moving around her effortlessly. She can still hear his gears turning though.

"You might retire. I mean-"

"Castle. Holy shit, if you do not shut up-"

"Okay, okay. But it's just. This is big time stuff here."

"I know that. Believe me, I know." She bumps into his hip to knock him away from the sink so she can dump the dish scrubber behind the faucet. "But you just nag and nag at it. I don't want have a day-long conversation about this. I want to let it lie, Rick. Just let it percolate for a little bit and see what happens when we get home. Can you do that?"

She watches him study her, as if trying to figure out how serious she is, and evidently he gets it, finally, because he nods. "Yeah. Okay. I can - keep it to myself."

She sighs. "Thank you."

He opens his arms and takes a hug from her, keeping his arms loose at her back, for which she's grateful. The scratches were bleeding after her shower and she hopes another day on the beach doesn't scrape off more of the scabs.

"Okay, Castle," she mutters, patting his chest. "Gotta get the kids ready."

"Allie is doing that," he says back, his lips somewhere near the crown of her head. "You can give me a minute."

She closes her eyes, slides her fingers under his shirt, not to tease but just to touch his warm skin. She feels like the last few days have been a rush of one thing after another - really since Dashiell fell and busted his head open - and this has been the first time she can just stand here and soak him up, her wonderful husband.

"I can give you five," she murmurs finally. "I think I need this too."

"Hm, I knew it," he says softly. His mouth brushes the skin beside her eye. "You have little wrinkles here. I never saw those before."

"You do too," she says, tilting her head up to look at him. "From smiling. You have a sexy smile." She slides a hand out from under his shirt, up his chest, to the crow's feet radiating away from his eyes. Even now as he grins down at her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mm, first thing I noticed about you."

"First thing ever?"

"Uh-huh."

"I figured it was the five o'clock shadow. You stared at my jaw quite a lot that first meeting."

What? She blinks and then realizes where they're missing each other here. "Oh, baby, that's cute. You have no idea."

He stares down at her, some of that smirky grin falling off his face. "What? No idea about what?"

"Castle." The stupidest pet names pop in her head and nearly come out of her mouth: _darling, love, honey._ Why now, exactly? It just takes her five years to figure out how comfortable she is with him? Five years to feel this tender when she looks at him, adorable and cute and hers?

"Come on. I _know_ you were watching my mouth during most of that interview/interrogation, Beckett."

"Ohh, back to Beckett?"

"Ah. Well. I know the fastest way to get you to confess too, don't I?"

True. Damn. "I was - rather distracted by that scruffy look you had going. Yes."

"See? I knew it. I'm never wrong about these things."

She lifts on her toes and nibbles at his chin, but he's shaved this morning after his shower. Too bad. "You're not wrong about that. But, Castle. The first thing I noticed about you was your smile - and that was long before I brought you in for questioning."

His startled look of surprise makes her laugh, the feeling warm and delicious and enveloping her.

"Oh. The book's dust jacket. I - I forgot about that."

"Actually," she drawls, drawing out the anticipation, the release of her last secret. She's not even sure why she's never told him this, but Castle has never pushed for more. "That's not what I meant."

He sighs. "You're a tease. Tell me already."

She lifts back up on tiptoe to press her mouth to his again, relishing the moment. His kiss is petulant, if it can be, and he teases with his tongue, pulls back before she gets what she wants. So Kate slides back down his chest and cradles his face in her hands, really looks at him.

The crow's feet on either side of his eyes are more pronounced, he's got grey coming in at his temples - handsome and distinguished - while that one eye crinkles tighter than the other one. His cheeks are smooth, his chin prominent; he's been running and weight-lifting for the last few years and it's made his face narrower. His biceps are massive, really, much thicker than she remembered, startling her in how strong he looks. Tasty.

"Kate," he huffs. "Quit ogling me and just spit it out."

"Sorry," she laughs and leans forward to kiss his bicep, nip at the muscle rippling under her mouth. He's a damn fine man, that's for sure. "I'm being too mysterious for you, huh?"

"Ye-es," he whines, dispelling some of that ruggedly handsome image he had going.

"Okay, baby," she grins. "The first time I met you wasn't that day I pulled you in for questioning. The first time you smiled at me like I was important and - and delicious, like you wanted to eat me up-" She sighs and feels her smile growing wider. "-mm, wasn't when I confronted you at your book party."

His mouth has dropped open. He blinked. "Shut the front door."

She laughs at that, delighted, stupidly delighted by how much she loves surprising him. Good surprise.

"When? When, Kate? Tell me-"

"It was June. 2001. A book-signing."

"Shut. The. Front. Door."

Kate bounces on her toes to reach his mouth, kiss that startled, lovely, overjoyed look from his face, taste it. God, she loves him. She's so very lucky. He's saved her life. Over and over.

"How - how have you kept this a secret from me for so long?" he gasps, kissing her back sloppily and putting her away to look at her.

"I'm just that good. More onion-"

"Oh, no. No no. Onion? You are - so much more than that."

He crowds her back, pushing her towards somewhere - oh, the couch. She laughs at him and stumbles back, lets him guide her down. Such excitement.

"Okay. Tell me the whole story. I can't believe this. It's like my birthday or something."

She laughs again and slides closer to him, wants to straddle his hips and hook her arms around his neck but she's not so sure that Allie and Rafe would appreciate that when they come back out after changing the kids into swimsuits.

"Ka-ate, come on. Tell me."

"Okay, I am. Trying to think of where to start."

He actually wriggles in the couch, his hands all over her, grabbing her waist, hooking under her knee, tugging her closer. He just loves to touch when he's happy, so brimming with it that it requires passing on.

"When I was . . . hmm . . . only a few months after Mom died, I think, I found one of your novels in with a stack of library books under her bed."

"Oh," he says quietly, blinks at her. "I - I never - it never occurred to me that you might have things like that to do - returning library books, returning mail-"

"-canceling meetings," she adds, biting her lip and glancing at him. It doesn't look like she's crushed his spirit, which is a relief. This isn't about her season of grief. "In June, we got a reminder for her dentist's appointment and it was like - oh, all over again. Losing her. And then a few months later, an old friend of hers from law school came to our door. She was looking for Mom, wanted to reconnect because she just got a job in the city, and - and it was-"

"Your mom's old job," he whispers.

She nods, gives him a tight smile. "But I'm getting off track. I found her library books. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't give them back, not just then."

"I can imagine."

And he _can_ imagine, which is one of the things she loves about this man. The way he sees things so clearly sometimes.

"So I read them. Every one. I wanted to know the stories she had checked out, taken the time to pour over. It's possible that she didn't get a chance to read all of them, but she had read yours."

"Your mom read my book," he breathes, mouth dropping open. "Which book?"

She grins again, slowly, letting him see. "One Bullet, One Heart."

He sighs, winces a little. "Ah. That one. I wish your mom could have read the Nikki Heat books. Those are so much better."

Kate laughs, bows her head to his shoulder. "Oh, Castle."

He stiffens. "Oh damn. Sorry. I just realized what I said."

"No, no. That was - that was great." She lifts her chin, turns to kiss his neck before she pulls back. "They are better. But that one has a special place in my heart, Rick. Because she introduced me to your work with that book."

"Oh. Wow." His eyes are so pale, almost grey as he stares at her.

"I found her bookmark at the end of it. I still have it-"

"Oh!" He sits up, gripping her wrist. "I know that bookmark. It's laminated, right? With a picture of you at about ten, like a school photo-"

"That's the one. It was a Mother's Day gift I made in fifth grade. I wrote her a poem-"

"It's on the back. I've read it," he admits, grinning at her. "It's cute."

"It's . . . something."

"That bookmark was at the end of my book, huh?"

She nods. "Back to my story. There was something about the main character in that one - the psychologist who thinks maybe her patient is killing women - it just hit me. It sounded like my mom. It felt like my mom, like you knew her."

"Like I knew her," he repeats, and a smile spreads across his face. He reaches out and tangles his hand in her hair, rubbing the ends between his thumb and finger. She cups his hand between hers and presses it to her chest.

"So when I went back to the library and returned those books, I found your novels on the shelf."

"Yeah?"

She grins. "Yeah."

"Which one did you read next?"

"Mm, Hail of Bullets, of course."

He laughs and his finger extends, brushes against her collarbone. "You're gorgeous."

"You say that because I'm feeding your ego."

"And because you're gorgeous."

She grins. "Mm-kay. Well, that's how I got into you-"

"Oh-ho, I think-"

"Hush," she scolds, narrowing her eyes at him but still so filled up with how happy he is, how even after five years and more, almost nine really, she can find ways to surprise him, make him so delighted. It's the same as when she teaches Dashiell something new and he gets it.

Oh, she loves these Castle boys.

"I'll be good. Tell me more. You got into me, mmm, and then what?"

She rolls her eyes and laces her fingers through his, kisses his knuckles. "You know I read all the time."

"I may have noticed that."

"Took you long enough to believe it-"

"Okay, so sometimes your hotness and bad-ass-ness - is that a word? - it did make me forget how literary you are."

"Hm."

"Now go on. You read. I got it."

"Back then, though, I abandoned all the literary stuff. I wanted to do that in school, major in literature, some kind of literature, but it was too much, it seemed pointless and meaningless. But crime fiction made sense. By the time I'd read through half of your novels, I was certain I wanted to be a homicide detective."

She gives up and slides a leg over his thighs, leans in to rest her head on his shoulder. She's not sad, not at all actually. She remembers the feeling of being called to the NYPD, the sense of purpose and grim determination. Not that it was destiny, but that it was what was required of her. Her life would be the NYPD; she had no other plan.

"Do you still feel like that, Kate?"

She lifts a finger and strokes it down his neck. "I think I've slowly let go of that."

"You don't need it anymore?"

"I need - I need more now."

His palm rubs her shoulder. "Okay, go back to me."

She laughs, rubs her nose into his neck and sits up again. "It was your books, reading those mysteries, that gave me the first clue that I could do this. Be a detective. It was a connection to my mother as well."

"Fast forward to June. 2001."

"Yes," she says, smirking at him. "In June, I found out that you were going to sign books at Strand Bookstore."

"Oh, I remember that."

"Oh?"

"Just because it was seriously a huge coup for my publicist at the time. What was her name? Ah, Glenda, Brenda, something. Brenda, I think."

"Oh," she grins, feels some kind of pride that she was there, as if she played some part in it. "I went to your book signing. Um, actually, Will told me about it."

"Will? Oh, Sorenson. Cool."

"I stood in line. I had to duck out of work for it."

"You took a day off to stand in my line?"

She can hear the grin in his voice. "I did. In line for four hours, Castle. Jeez. You were already crazy popular."

"Yeah, I was. So. What happened? I have so many questions, Kate."

"I know you do." She grins and kisses him quickly. "I spent the whole time trying to figure out exactly what I would say to make you notice me, to stand out from the hundreds of others."

"Uh-"

"No, no. Listen. About two people from the front of the line, I might have freaked out a little. Instead of getting you to sign the new book, I pulled out the one I first read."

"One Bullet, One Heart," he says.

"Yes. I stepped up to the desk and you smiled, just like that-"

"Just like this?"

She studies him, shakes her head. "Okay, well, no. A little less love in your eyes then. A lot more lust."

"Oh, my mistake. If I only had known."

"It's all good - I quite enjoyed being lusted after. You still had a sexy smile; your whole face lighted up. It made the four hours worth it. You did have a couple of good lines. You said you hoped I solved my mystery."

"I did not," he gasps, tilting his head back against the couch. "How corny."

"Yeah, but, not to me," she says quietly, nudging his memory.

He lifts his head, stares at her. "Oh wow. Talk about a sign from the universe. You must have - you - did you think-? What did you think?"

"I held on to that encouragement for years, Rick. The idea that someone out there - you - that you hoped I could do it. You solved your mysteries; I tried to solve mine."

His hands cradle her face and he moves in to kiss her, so softly, a touch of his reverence and joy meeting her skin. "Oh, love."

She breathes out against him, sighing. "And then I met you."

"How disappointed you must have been," he laughs.

"Um. A small amount, at first. Maybe."

"I was an ass."

"You were - a celebrity? And I was awestruck, but you quickly brought me back down to earth, so I appreciated that."

He laughs against her mouth, kisses her again. He grins into it, filling his chest with a deep breath, smelling her skin.

She pulls back slightly, lifts her eyes to his, then down to his mouth. "There it is again. That beautiful smile."

Rick stares at her, and she can't help it. She slides into his lap and wraps herself around him, closing her eyes, her face in his neck. He puts both arms around her, tightly, kisses her jaw where he can reach.

"Mom?"

"Damn," Castle sighs.

She laughs and shifts off of him, shaking her head at Allie as she stands. "You guys are too fast. Did you get Ellery and Dash-"

"Yeah, we're all ready to go. You're not in your suit?"

"Um. I got distracted," Kate admits.

Allie glances over her shoulder at Rafe; Kate sees the look that passes between them, like they know all about that. Castle stands up behind her and nudges her towards the bedroom.

"We'll get sunscreen on while you get ready."

"What about you?" she frowns.

He pats his shorts. "These are my swim trunks. I put 'em on before I came out for breakfast."

"Ooh, Daddy is smart, isn't he?" Allie laughs, bending over to pick up Ellery as the girl whines at her feet. "We need to put some sun block on you, baby girl."

Kate pauses in the threshold of their room, glances over at Castle. He waves her off, already grabbing the plastic bag from the kitchen counter that holds their various sunscreens. She hesitates, then comes back to where her family is gathered, getting ready for another day at the beach.

Castle glances at her in surprise, opens his mouth to question her.

She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her mouth against his, parting his lips with her tongue, doing what she wants to that smile of his, ravishing him, just as she wanted to that day she met him at the book store, and just as she wanted to that day she walked away from him, determined not to be his conquest.

How little she knew. How much he's given her now - both of them conquered, more than conquerors.

"I love you, Rick. I love you."


	92. Chapter 92

"You're burned," he says, pointing at her chest.

He watches Kate glance down and hiss at the pink tinge to her skin. "Da - darn."

Rick already has the bottle of sunblock out because he was re-applying on the kids; he nudges Ellery away from him. "Go play, cricket. You're all done."

Ella pops up off the towel and runs back to the sand creatures she and Dash are building with Rafe. A few minutes earlier, Alexis walked back up the boardwalk to buy them all milkshakes; Castle is alone with Kate on their towels, so he gives her a look.

"Want me to-?" He waves the bottle at her, lifting an eyebrow.

She smirks at him. "That wouldn't exactly be appropriate, Rick."

He grins back. "Darn."

She takes it from him, squeezes a glob out onto her palm while he watches. She smears it across her chest, up her neck, around her shoulders. He breaks his gaze and instead meets her eyes - laughing at him, of course. She's not even teasing and yet - it's a tease.

Alexis walks into his line of sight with a drink carrier, plops down next to Kate on the towel. "Ooh, Mom, you're burned."

"I know. I think the sunblock washed off when I took Dash in the ocean."

"How's your back?" Rick asks, taking the milkshakes from his daughter just as Ellery and Dash sprint towards them, clamoring.

"Ooh, me, me. That's mine."

Castle silences Dash with a look, turns back to Kate.

Her mouth twitches on a smile. "Mm, I thought the salt water would hurt, but it actually made it feel better." She catches Dash as the boy dances around his father. "Whoa, sit down, wild man. Let's slow your roll."

Dash giggles but drops down beside her, leaning against her arm to reach for the vanilla and peanut butter milkshake. Castle hands it over, wraps an arm around Ellery and pulls her into his lap. She gets her chocolate, cradling it against her chest, so he gives Kate the two strawberries. She passes them on to the older kids.

Rafe sits with his back against Allie's, sips his strawberry shake as Alexis laughs at him about something. Castle averts his eyes, then can't figure out why he should, and studies them again.

Rafe doesn't seem any different - now that he has a ring. Which is probably good, but-

"Rick."

He startles but looks at Kate, the warning in her eyes, and he sighs. She reaches over and takes her own milkshake from his fingers, sucks at it.

"Oh, Allie-" She turns and gives a one-arm hug to Alexis, reaching over Dash to do so. "You got me coffee flavored?"

"Yup. Dad's is too."

"So good," she grins back at Castle. "Try it."

He leans over and kisses her, swiping his tongue in her mouth quickly, just a taste, and pulls back. "Mm, good."

He hears Rafe and Allie laughing, Dash too - as if the kid has any idea - and Kate is giving him a narrow-eyed look that belies the smirk and just-kissed smudge of her mouth.

Ellery squirms in his lap, wet and sandy, and he glances down at her. She peers up at him, then reaches up and grabs his milkshake. Before he can stop her, she sucks it down, eyes opening wide.

"Uh-oh, wait a sec. That's Daddy's," he says, reaching for it. Ella's teeth are clamped around the straw and it pulls out as he takes the milkshake away.

Castle laughs, tugs the straw out of her mouth, and puts it back in his milkshake.

"I want some more, Daddy."

He glances to Kate but she shakes her head.

"I don't think so, cricket. It's got coffee in it. That's for Mommy and Daddy. Yours is chocolate. Don't you like it?"

"I like yours too."

He glances back to Kate, lifts an eyebrow. She sighs at him.

"Okay, baby girl, just a little." He hands it back down to her, holding the cup. Ellery takes a longer sip, mouth pursed around the straw. When she's finished, she smacks her lips and grins at him.

"Good."

"Yeah? Now it's my turn."

"You started something," Kate says. He glances over and Dashiell is drinking her milkshake as well.

Dash looks awestruck. "This is amazing."

"It is?" Kate laughs.

"I like it. Vanilla and peanut butter is better, but you could mix some of yours in mine, Mommy, and we could both have vanilla and peanut butter and coffee. All the good ones."

Kate laughs and shoots Castle a look, winking at him. "So you kids like coffee. Why am I not surprised?"

* * *

><p>At the showers positioned along the ends of each boardwalk, his family stops and holds things up. It's well past lunch time and Dashiell has moved from whiny to irritated to miserable, while Ellery has zipped her lips and sulked at everyone.<p>

Ella doesn't want a single person to help her wash off the sand from her body, and it's _all over_ her body, so she's got a line forming behind her. Kate sends Dashiell in to help, since she'll sometimes let her older brother do it for her, but Dash isn't in a good enough mood to help nicely.

He gets a slap on his arm, and then Castle - who is closer - grabs her by the wrist and jerks her away from hitting her brother a second time.

"No hitting, baby girl."

Ellery's face is somewhere between livid and mutinous, and she squirms out of her father's grip and gets back under the spray of water. A group of three teenaged girls are waiting behind her, while Kate uses the second shower to carefully wash salt water off her back. Allie hops in with her, uses the bottom spigot to spray down her feet, and then gets out as well. Rafe tries to help Dash use the spray hose while Ella uses the overhead shower, but Dashiell keeps twisting away, growling at him.

Castle seems to be hurrying Ella along as best he can, so Kate calls Dash over to her, giving Rafe an apologetic smile.

Of course, Dashiell's feelings are still bruised from getting hit and he gives his mother a petulant look as she uses the hose to spray down his swimming trunks, get all the seaweed and ocean life off his skin. Bent over awkwardly like this, the overhead shower hits her back and makes it sting.

"I'm not helping her no more," Dash fumes. "She's being mean. She's always mean, Mommy."

"No, she wasn't being very nice. You know you guys fight when you're tired."

"I'm not tired. I'm-"

"You are, baby. You need a nap. Turn around. Let me get your back."

"Mom-my," Dashiell whines, shaking his whole body, making his voice waver as he bounces. A massive, fall in the floor fit is likely to follow.

"Dashiell."

"I wanna-"

"Lady, will you hurry it up? This is getting ridiculous."

Kate lifts her eyes from her son, an eyebrow raised, meets the gaze of a put-out, lobster-faced man a few people behind them in line. He has his hands on his hips, his girth speckled with sand, and a kid at his side looking like he'll be taking after his father - fat and rude.

She straightens up.

Castle steps in front of Kate with Ellery in hand; she only sees his back, can't see his face. But she can hear the smooth, low timber of his voice.

"We're getting the kids washed down. It will only be a moment more." Castle releases Ella's hand, pushing her back towards Kate, takes a few steps down to the man, looming close.

Kate snatches Ella's shoulder before she can follow her daddy, watches him as he says something else to the fat, sunburned idiot.

She only hears a snatch of Castle's words.

"If you ever talk to my wife like that again-" And the man's face, even more florid than it was, in a tight line of either disbelief or simmering anger.

When Castle turns back, he takes the hose out of her hands, nudges her away. "Take Ella up to the condo for lunch. We'll be right behind you."

She stares at him a moment.

There are all kinds of things she wants to say - she doesn't need a protector, it's not smart to challenge people in this day and age, she had it handled - but instead she leans in and kisses him softly.

Because it's easy to make a man fall to his knees for you, but it's harder to make a man get to his feet and defend you.

Because he loves her enough to do both.

* * *

><p>Nap time. Ahh. . .<p>

Kate comes back into the room, brushes her hand over his arm as she heads for the shower. "Got interrupted earlier, so I'm gonna wash the salt off. Starting to sting."

"You okay?" He lifts his head from the bed and watches her through the doorway. She pulls off the cover-up, twists her back to him as she unties the strap of her bikini top.

"How's it look?"

Castle gets off the bed and heads for her, bringing a hand to her back, brushing his thumb over her shoulder blade as he looks at the scratches. "This one looks irritated."

"I think my swimsuit was rubbing it."

Castle leans forward and kisses the back of her neck, touching his tongue to her skin and tasting the salt from the ocean water that she didn't manage to get off. His chest still feels tight over that confrontation down by the boardwalk - he's always been the kind of guy to smooth things over rather than make threats. But he made some threats.

Her hand lifts and ruffles his hair as she moves away. "Let me shower, Rick."

"Yeah, yeah," he murmurs, reaching past her to turn the water on. "Shower. I'm gonna sit out on the balcony and read."

Kate turns, looking surprised, brushes her hand down his sternum. "I thought you were going to join me."

He laughs. "You didn't exactly look like you wanted me to."

"Hm, your choice."

Castle brushes a kiss to her forehead. "I feel bad about the scratches, Kate. Not gonna shove you up against cold tile-"

She laughs, presses her fingers to his mouth. "I'm fine. Besides, maybe I do the shoving this time?"

He kisses her fingers, wraps his arm around her waist. "You can shove me up against anything you like - after my sunburn heals."

She sighs, trails her fingers softly against the back of his neck. "Yeah. Darn. I'll shower and come find you on the balcony. It'll be nice."

"You say that like you're expecting to be drawn and quartered. It'll be _nice._"

She lifts on her toes and kisses him again. "My bad. It'll be hot and sexy."

He grins at her, tugs at her swimsuit bottoms. "Get going, Beckett. Before I change my mind about the cold tile."

"Shower heats it up-"

"Tease."

"Trying to," she shoots back.

"Kids in bed?"

"Yes, and you seriously are ruining the mood, Rick Castle."

He grins at her, kisses her again. "Trying to. Now. Shower, be good."

* * *

><p>Allie and Rafe are out on the balcony when she steps through, both of them snuggled up on a lounge chair, Rafe playing with Allie's hair. Castle is in one of the chairs, casting them pained looks, so Kate steps in front of him, stands between his knees with her arms draped over his shoulders.<p>

He looks at her, sighing.

"Gonna have to cheer up, Daddy," she murmurs, leaning in to kiss him softly.

She feels his fingers on her waist, stroking under her tshirt. "Yeah."

"You better be smiling when it happens," she whispers into his ear. "Or I will hurt you."

He laughs at that, tugs on her jeans. She pulls her head back to look at him, sees the sly smile across his face. Much better.

"Scoot, Castle." She nudges on his knee and turns around, wedges her hips next to his and sits with him in the chair. He laughs in her ear and shifts to one side, lifting his arm and putting it around her shoulders.

"What're you not reading?" she says, tapping the book lying over his thigh.

"Almost finished with Goon Squad."

Kate feels him tense and glances over to the happy couple; Rafe has just kissed Allie's ear, strokes a finger down her jaw.

"Castle," she warns, rubs her thumb at the top of his thigh.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I really am. I just - it's gonna take some time?"

"Not too much time." Kate smothers a yawn and leans against his side. "I could take a nap."

"Go. Leave me here all by my lonesome."

"Poor baby. Come nap with me."

"Eh-"

She tilts her head on his shoulder, kisses his neck. "We could - you know."

"Snuggle?"

Kate laughs at that, brushes her hand over his chest. "Sure. Anything to take your mind off the lovebirds."

"Don't remind me."

"You really need to get over this," she says, sliding off the chair. She winces at the tug on her back and heads for the sliding glass door. "Come nap with me."

"But I'm not tired."

She lifts an eyebrow at him. "You really gonna make me beg, Castle?"

Castle glances once more to Allie and Rafe, who - Kate sees - are now both looking at Castle, smirking. He sighs and follows her back into the condo. She reaches out for his book, drops it on the coffee table. "Grab your laptop. You can write. Take your mind off things, since you're not tired."

She doesn't wait for him, heads on into their bedroom knowing he'll follow. He does, of course, coming inside while she closes the curtains across the windows to the balcony. She watches him get settled on the bed and then stalks over, crawling up beside him.

"You lock the door?"

"No." Castle lifts his hand and brushes it through her hair, making her close her eyes. "Sleep, babe."

"You're really not letting go of that, are you? Babe," she growls.

"Not in the near future."

She opens her eyes again, lifts her head up to watch him open his document, his fingers resting on the keyboard but not typing. She shouldn't add anything more to his melodramatic air, but-

"I think I spoke too soon," she says, propping herself up on her elbows so she can touch his thigh with a finger.

"What?" His eyes find hers, blank with confusion.

"I don't want to retire. I - I don't-"

He laughs, grinning at her, shutting his computer. "Yeah, I figured you couldn't let that go either."

She grunts at him and sits up. "It's not that it's never, it's just that I don't think I can - I mean, I love my job. The further I get away from it, the more I want to go back. And quitting now-"

"Hey, babe, seriously. I don't mind. You do what you want to do."

"Stop with the babe. Just for a second, okay?"

He lifts an eyebrow.

"I don't wan to quit. I don't want to stop. But - it's dangerous. And-"

"You're arguing with yourself, Kate."

She lifts her eyes to his, sighs. "I don't know. I'm not any good at talking this stuff out. I just think. I need to think."

"So think. I told you I'd let it go. You're the one who brought it up."

She lies back down beside him, curls a knee up, lays her hand over his thigh. There's more, but she can't find words for it.

"All right. What else?" he says, sliding his laptop to the bed and then sinking down next to her. "What's the rest of it, Kate?"

"I need to do less."

"Or just be better about time management."

She lifts her head, surprised that he agreed. But why should she be? It's true. Rick - out of everyone - knows her terrible schedule, the late nights, the cases she gets sucked into, the bad habit of missing dinner, the black hole of her weekends.

"Yeah," she says finally, swallowing hard, lying back down.

"You always tend to go for the extremes. You don't need to do that. It's not have a job or have a family. It's not quit or be a workaholic. There's a way to balance things out, ba- uh - Kate."

She gives him a twitch of her lips for that, then sighs. "I've been trying that - to balance it."

"Not very hard."

"What?" She sits up again.

He shrugs at her. "I spend a lot of time enabling you. Covering for you when you can't get home or don't make a karate meet. The kids are fairly independent, and yeah, they've got me there, but they do miss you, you know."

She gapes at him. "Why - why have you never said this before?"

"Because it's really not that important. They miss you, but you're still here. You show up. You make it to the next one or you have three days off in a row or we all head to a baseball game. It's just different; it's not 9 to 5, so it looks different."

"I can't tell if you think this is wrong or not."

"Because it's not about being wrong or right. Our family isn't going to be traditional - it can't be. Honestly, Kate, you taught me that early on. I'm a best-selling writer and you're a detective. And then we're also Mom and Dad. And you can't be one without the other, I don't think. You're not just a mom or just a detective anymore."

She's not sure that's any good either, but he's so convinced. He's so relaxed and certain looking that she's not sure how to argue with that?

"Remember when Dash was first going through that sensory stuff? And we were getting him tested and researching therapies?"

Kate nods. She remembers how hard he took it, how he spun off into his overactive imagination and thought the worst and panicked a little.

"You reminded me of something. You said that this was our family and we would do this however we had to do it to make it work - for everyone. Not just me or you, but Dash too. Ellery too. Still holds true, Kate. We make it work. You are vital to this family, and you know that. But you're a detective." He grins at her slowly. "You're you. And I think trying to change that would only mess our family up, not make it better."

She lets out a long breath, passes a hand over her eyes. She - she feels relieved. Like a massive responsibility has been lifted from her shoulders.

"Yeah," she says finally. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You think all you want. If you truly want to switch jobs, that's fine. We'll make it work. If you would rather find a little more balance in what you do now, then Kate, I'm up for that too. I'll do whatever it takes to make that work. Because it makes _us_ work."

She kisses him softly, her tongue making a lazy nudge at his lips until he sighs and opens for her. She kisses him because - once again - he has her back. He always has her back.

"Love you, Kate."

* * *

><p><em><strong>props to Lloyd (featuring Andre 3000) 'Dedication to My Ex' (clean version) for the next to last line in the second scene<strong>_


	93. Chapter 93

"Mommy?"

Castle lifts his eyes to the doorway and sees Ellery poking her head in. Kate is asleep in the bed next to him, so he puts a finger to his lips and gestures Ella inside.

"Mommy sleepin'?"

"Yeah, cricket. What do you need?"

Ellery comes over to his side, her head poking up over the bed. She lifts her hand and runs it across the comforter, finds his leg and curls her fingers over his shin. "Daddy."

"What happened to taking a nap? You looked so sleepy."

She twists her lips as if thinking and then shrugs at him, her fingers playing over his shin. She's not hesitant - she's never been hesitant - but it does look like she's trying to make up her mind. She wanted Mommy, and she's trying to figure out if Daddy will do.

"Ella?" he says softly, watching her.

She tilts her head and her eyes travel over the room, linger on her mother, and then meet Castle's gaze. "Can I get in?"

"Sure, baby girl. Climb up." He saves his document and shifts his laptop to the side, then reaches over and hauls Ella up the rest of the way.

She crawls up next to him and curls around his chest, then slides her hand out to Kate, touches her mother's forehead.

"Hey, shh," he murmurs, catching her hand and kissing it. "Don't wake Mommy. She's tired."

Ellery sighs, brings her hand under her chin. "Want Mommy."

"Not right now, baby girl," he murmurs, cradling the back of her head with his hand. He changes a typo on his manuscript, reads over the last couple of paragraphs.

"Mommy."

"No, baby." Felix is delicately explaining what's going on to his parents, and Castle wants to strike the right balance of kid-independence and a tad bit of responsibility since it is, after all, Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook's own child.

And in a way, his and Kate's as well. A character has never struck him with such a sense of, well, paternity before. He's created them and he's had some strange relationships with them, but he's never felt like he needed to watch over them, guide them, keep them from too much harm.

Nikki Heat can take care of herself, and Felix thinks the same. He just-

"Let's tell stories," Ellery pipes up, lifting her head from his chest.

Castle cards his fingers through her hair and glances down at his daughter. "What stories?"

"Castle stories."

His lips quirk at her, and his fingers encounter a tangle in her hair. He goes slowly, works it free as he saves his manuscript, shuts the computer with a sigh. "Okay. Castle stories. What first?"

"I go first."

"Oh?"

"Ghost stories."

"Oh, okay. Sure. Tell me a ghost story," he says, trying to mute his grin as he continues to guide his fingers through her hair. He hits another snag and tugs softly.

"And then jokes." She knocks his hand away from her hair, scrunching her shoulders.

"Um. Yes. And jokes."

"Once upon a time. . ." she draws out, wriggling her down between him and Kate. He catches Ellery before she can accidentally kick her mother, settles her a little higher up on the pillows, away from Kate who's still sleeping with her forehead pressed to his thigh.

"Once upon a time," he coaxes, curling his arm under his daughter's knees to keep her from waking Kate.

"There was a monster. A huge monster."

"Mm. What did he look like?"

"Purple. With teeth. Scary," she says, shivering dramatically. Like Dashiell.

Rick leans back against the headboard, brushes her hair out of her so-blue eyes. She gives him a look and does it herself, both hands pushing it back.

"Monster runs after me and the people. He yells at us, his terrible yell, his yellow teeth." She pauses and he realizes she's stealing bits and pieces from Where the Wild Things Are.

"Is Max with you?"

"Yes. Me and Max. We in our costumes. We run and run. . ." She trails off, a tiny finger sliding into the pocket of his tshirt. "We. . .we run in the house."

"Does Monster follow you?"

"Yes." She nods solemnly and squirms again, her knees against his ribs as she resettles beside him. "He follows in the house, start stomping their feet. The people scream _oh no, the monster,_" she whisper-wails.

Castle can't help the chuckle that escapes, but he muffles it quickly and turns a somber face to his daughter. She narrows her eyes at him, but continues her story.

"The monster gets them all. Roar, roar, roar. But not me and Max."

"Oh? Not you and Max. You're too quick."

"I find a lightsaber."

"Yes," he crows, laughing, then presses his lips together as Kate stirs. "Yes, good job, cricket. That's my smart girl," he whispers.

"Max hides. I smart and get my lightsaber and swish-swish, down he goes - crash! The end."

At Ellery's crash, Kate jerks awake, startling up, staring at them.

Rick grins. "Hey there, Mommy."

Kate hums and sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, rubs a hand down her face, struggles to a sitting position at his side. She leans in and kisses Ellery, then curls around their daughter on the pillows.

"Mommy, I killed the monster."

"Oh?" she murmurs, her eyes closing again, her hand landing on Castle's hip.

"With my lightsaber."

Kate groans, opens an eye to look at Rick. He grins back at her. "She used the force."

"What?" Ellery asks, swiveling her head to look at him. She frowns. "I use lightsaber, Daddy."

"Mm, you're so chatty this afternoon, cricket." Kate lifts up a little, slides her arms under Ellery and shifts her so she can lean against Castle's side. He glances down at her, kisses her forehead.

"Ellery was telling me a ghost story."

"Oh, a ghost story. Nice. That's why you're slaying monsters. Got it." Kate yawns and buries her face in his shoulder, sighing. "Tell me a story too, baby girl."

"No. Time for jokes."

Castle pulls his arm out from between them and wraps it around Kate, tugs her into him a little more, making himself more comfortable. Her eyes are closed.

"Jokes then, Ella," he says softly.

"Why the chicken in the road?"

"Uh. . .why is the chicken in the road?"

"To get to the other side!"

He smirks, feels Kate stir with a laugh. "Uh-huh."

"Why the chicken in a tree?"

In a tree? "I - I don't know."

"To eat it!"

Kate laughs and curls her arms up tighter around Ellery. "Great jokes, sweetheart."

"Why the chicken . . . why the chicken get in bed?"

"Why?" Rick asks, actually curious about this one.

"Him so tired!"

Castle grins and pecks Ellery on the cheek, making her giggle.

"Tell me a bedtime story," Kate murmurs, stroking a hand along the side of Castle's face. He glances back at her, sits up again, takes them both in his arms so Kate can get back to sleep. He starts to open his mouth, but Ella wriggles in close to her mother and begins instead.

"Once upon a time."

Kate opens her eyes, smiles down at Ellery. He sees the brush of her lashes, the soft curve of her lips, the round cradle of her arms against the dark head of their daughter and her small little body.

"Go on, Ella," he says quietly.

"Upon a time there was . . . a queen. And a castle."

His lips spread in a smile.

"Queen of the Castle. With sand beasts coming. She have a - a - lightsaber."

Rick waits, brushing his hand through her hair, wanting to hear the rest of her story.

"She kill them sand beasts dead."

Ellery slides an arm around Kate's neck and lays her head against her mother's chest.

"The end."

Kate stirs against him; her hand slowly strokes Ellery's back.

Castle leans down and kisses her cheek. "Queen of the Castle. That sounds about right."

* * *

><p>"Are we going to be all matching?" Castle asks.<p>

Kate glances over at him, standing in front of the closet with a pained look on his face. "Uh. I hadn't thought that far ahead. I was just about to go rummage through the kids' stuff, see what they have."

"I know that Ellery's got that red sundress. Should Dash wear red?"

"Hm. Yeah, I - I'm not big on the twins thing."

He shifts on his feet. "Still, in family pictures don't they want everyone to try to go together?"

"I don't know," she says, coming up to stand beside him and stare into the closet as well. They packed for vacation, not really for pictures - although she wishes she thought of it. "Maybe so? We never did a family portrait. Did you and your Mom-? No. Okay. Well I know Dash has one nice shirt - that black polo. Only thing red he has are a bunch of tshirts."

"Black works? Black and red."

"You have this-" She reaches in and grabs his black dress shirt. "Why do you have this?"

He gives her a confused look, shrugs his shoulders. "I packed in a rush. Trying to get the kids packed too. I just shoved stuff in there."

Kate laughs and dangles the black shirt in front of him. "Wear this then. You and Dash can be in black."

"What are you gonna wear?"

"I don't know. My dress is ruined, and our shopping trip was interrupted by a trip to the urgent care clinic."

He turns back to look at the closet, sighs as if it's_ his_ decision what she wears, then takes the dress shirt from her fingers and slips it on over his tshirt. He rolls the cuffs, leaves it open, and Kate can't resist lifting on her toes to kiss the hollow at his throat. He catches her, holds her there a moment.

"You figure out what you want to wear and I'll start getting the kids dressed."

"Thank you," she murmurs. "Make sure Allie and Rafe know they're in it too. I don't care what color they wear."

"I'll tell them."

She slides back down to her feet and watches him leave, then takes his place standing in front of the closet. She really has nothing. Absolutely nothing.

* * *

><p>Honestly, he's stunned. When he left Kate to get the kids ready, he expected to find her still trying to find something to wear, but she walks out of their bedroom within minutes of Ellery sliding on her sundress.<p>

And she's stunning. He's stunned. Has he said that?

"You look amazing," he says, getting to his feet and moving around Ella.

Kate's eyes flicker to him, a little confused, but she smiles. "Thanks."

She's wearing some black, flowy shirt that drapes off her shoulders, peasant-blouse in some respects, with loose, three-quarter length sleeves. She's wearing white shorts that showcase the elegant line of her legs - not shorts exactly, but not pants, not capris. He doesn't know what to call them, doesn't know how she manages to look so exotic and gorgeous with just a simple change of wardrobe.

"Hey," she murmurs, brushes her fingers over his wrist. "Back to earth, Castle."

He grins back at her, leans in to steal a kiss. "If I said you sent me in orbit, would that be-"

"Yes," she huffs. "Totally cheesy. I was looking for Allie. Is she-?"

"I think she's on the balcony. Rafe's in with Dash - they're both changing."

"Oh good." She steps away from him, leans over to rake her fingers through Ellery's hair. "How's my girl?"

"I'm pretty as Mommy."

"Oh you're much prettier. Look at your beautiful dress." Kate kisses her cheek and straightens, glancing over her shoulder at him. "I'll get Allie. We have fifteen minutes to get down to the beach."

Castle watches her walk out of the room, sun-kissed skin, the long tumble of her hair over those exposed shoulders, a sprinkling of freckles, and what he wants to do is take her right back to their bed, lock the door, and slide that shirt off her.

Kate glances back at him over her shoulder, gives him a look he can't miss. "Pictures first."

* * *

><p>Rafe chats with the photographer while Kate grabs Dashiell's hand and yanks him back. "I said no. Wait until we've got our pictures taken, and then you can get as sandy as you like, wild man."<p>

"Can we make more sand beasts?"

"Sure, but you have to do what the photographer says when he takes our picture."

Castle is carrying Ellery down the boardwalk - finally - after they had to run back to the condo for her shoes. She refused to go barefoot and wanted to wear her pink, sparkling sandals. Kate couldn't care less what was on her feet, so she sent Rick back with the girl.

"There's Dad," Allie says. She's wearing a cute white skirt, a black sleeveless shirt against her pale skin. She looks mature and beautiful and happy - Kate leans over and gives her a quick hug, happy too.

A few other families seem to have had the same idea - photos on one of their last days of vacation - and the beach is spotted with well-dressed moms, dads, and kids. Most of them chose white shirts - all arrayed against the backdrop of sand and sunset.

Rafe joins them. "He's ready. He said he'd like us to stand in front of the water first."

"Okay," Kate agrees, tugging on Dashiell's hand as he leans for the sand. "Stand up."

As they cluster to one side, the photographer arranging them, Castle finally makes it, bending over to put Ellery down.

"Actually, Dad, if you could hold her. And Mom - put Son in front of you, hands on his shoulders or - perfect, yeah, like that. Now, you Boyfriend, stand next to Mom, and Oldest Daughter, stand here next to Dad."

Kate grits her teeth at the names - Mom, Son - but she watches her family get in line in front of the ocean. She reaches over and tugs down the skirt of Ellery's dress, smoothing it over her legs, makes a face at her. "You gonna smile for our picture?" she murmurs.

Ellery gives her a full-lipped grin, squinting her eyes, and Kate laughs. Castle glances over at her. "Pay attention, Mom. He's telling us what to do."

She nudges him but stands where she's supposed to, arms draped over Dashiell's shoulders, her fingers splayed over her son's chest. The photographer snaps a few, rearranges them, does a few more. She loses track of how many pictures he's taking as he gets the traditional poses, groups them together or separate, puts them against different backdrops. After a few minutes, he tells them to act naturally.

Kate glances to Rick, bites her lip as he raises an eyebrow at her - the flash goes off. Oh, so - okay.

The photographer takes a few of the kids wading in the ocean, she and Castle in a strange moment holding hands, Rafe swinging Ellery out over the water as she squeals, Dashiell hanging on Allie as they chase the tide, and then all six of them ranging out into the sunset, walking the beach together. She turns to look at the photographer over her shoulder, wondering what comes next, and he snaps another photo - or five or six - and she can't wait - can't wait to see what these will look like.

"Are we done?" she asks.

"Not quite?" He waves them back in, the kids coming running back to look at his digital display, but he holds the camera away from them, and Kate realizes that he's looking at Rafe-

Who has dropped to one knee in the sand, his black shirt snapping in the breeze-

Castle's hand closes around Kate's tightly, too tight, and she hears his breath catch.

Rafe reaches for Allie.


	94. Chapter 94

Her heart's going to give up the ghost any second now, quivering and thrashing in her chest as Rafe takes her hand.

He gives her that sexy, blue-eyes smile, close-mouthed with the corner that tilts up. Just for her.

"Alexis Castle," he starts.

She might not survive.

"I have a question for you." He's grinning again, his dark hair tossed over one eye as the breeze picks up again. He's entirely too confident, entirely too smug, and now he's pulling something out of his pocket. It shines golden in the sunset.

She drops to her knees beside him, stares at it.

"That's-"

"You said come find you when I got a ring." He rubs his thumb over the place where that ring will go, gives her another encouraging smile. How is he not at all nervous? "Allie."

She glances back down to the ring - her mother's ring - _Kate's ring_ - and can barely breathe.

"Allie, I got a ring. Marry me?"

Her heart stops.

He rubs his thumb over her finger again, as if getting it ready, waits on her to figure out how to breathe again.

"Yes," she manages, unable to even think.

He slides the ring over her finger - _Kate's ring _- and brushes his thumb across the back of her hand, tugs on her. She crashes into him, mouth to mouth, his touch resuscitating her, her arms winding around his neck to hold on for dear life.

She realizes she's crying only when she feels the little-boy hand at her shoulder, hears her brother's anxious voice at her ear.

"Allie, why you crying?"

She laughs and breaks from Rafe, sees her little brother peering at her from his squatted position in the sand, concern and compassion leaking from his eyes.

"Happy tears, Dashiell. I get to marry Rafe, and it makes me happy."

"Oh," he says and stands back up. "You're not hurt?"

"Nope, all good. Better than good."

She leans out and hugs him tightly, kissing his cheek and making him squirm.

"Ew, cooties."

Rafe laughs at that, has already gotten to his feet and now holds his hand out to her. She can't remember falling to her knees in the sand beside him, but now that she's slowly regaining strength in her legs, she thinks she might be able to make it.

And her parents-

Her dad looks stunned, but not too bad, honestly, and Kate is hanging back, entirely too tentative for her mom. She squeezes Rafe's hand and drags him over to her parents, lets go to wrap her arms around Kate.

When she hugs back, Allie presses her mouth to her mother's cheek, feels it flood over her again. "Mom, your ring."

"Yours now."

"Why - how - but it's your mother's ring," she murmurs, pressing her closed eyes into Kate's neck, her arms around the slender waist of her mother.

"Well, it's your mother's ring too, isn't it?" Kate whispers tightly.

Allie jerks back, eyes startled to Kate's, her heart pounding. "_Yes_. Yes it is."

Her mother nods back, brushes the hair behind Allie's ears with a gentle, reassured look. "I'd rather pass it on early like this, and not the way my mom passed it on to me."

Allie nods back, her heart squeezing tight. "I love you."

Kate catches her up in a second embrace, tighter than the first, her lips at Allie's ear. "_Volim te, __dušo."_

"All right, my turn."

Allie laughs and looks up at her father over Kate's shoulder, releases her mother to be embraced so very tightly by her dad. His arms are thick and his body envelops her, as if he could take her back.

"Congratulations, pumpkin," he says, his hand running down her hair and squeezing her tighter. "He's a good man."

"Thank you, Daddy."

"Just don't make me a grandfather until your younger siblings are out of preschool."

"So, two years then?" she jokes, leaning back with a sly smile to look at him.

He smiles slyly back at her. "I said _all_ your siblings."

Her confusion, her near-excitement, makes her smile falter, but Kate is slapping her father's shoulder. "He's messing with you. We don't need any more than those two."

Allie laughs at that, hugs her father impulsively once more, then steps back to find Rafe's hand with hers. The ring catches on his fingers and she looks at him, their eyes meeting with a grin.

They're going to get married. He wants to marry her.

Wow.

* * *

><p>Somehow, (and really, he doesn't mind at all; in fact, it's kind of nice) Rafe ends up carrying Ellery back up the boardwalk, her shoes in one hand. Allie has her fingers tucked into the back pocket of his cargo shorts, hanging on to him; he can feel the ring scrape against him at times.<p>

He's going to marry her. Finally.

Ellery winds her arms around his neck and shifts to look at the people passing them on the boardwalk, heading back down to the beach with buckets and flashlights.

"What they doing?"

"Searching for crabs."

"Crabs?"

"They come out of the sand at night when it's cooler. You can put them in a bucket and have a pet crab for a few days."

"Or eat them," Allie says. "I think they eat them."

He shoots her a look, but Ellery sits up in his arms, looks entirely too interested, and not at all grossed out or sad about the crabs getting eaten.

"I eat crab?"

"I don't think you ever have," Allie answers. "You could probably try some when we go out tomorrow night."

"Mommy!" she yells, practically in his ear, and he realizes he's never heard her quite this loud before.

When Kate turns around, she sees that Rafe is carrying Ellery and she stumbles back to them. "Oh, sorry. Ellery, we went back for your shoes so you could walk all by yourself, _moja mala sakupljačica stvari."_

"Whoa. What was that?" Rafe laughs, giving Ella over to Kate.

"Ah, sorry," Kate starts. "Little magpie."

Allie takes his hand and nudges him to keep walking. "Croatian. Mom speaks like five languages."

"Really?" He stares at her, realizes he's staring, and then gives her an apologetic grin. "Any Spanish?"

She shakes her head. "Italian. French. No Spanish."

"My family still speaks Spanish at all our big gatherings. Holidays."

"I love it when you speak Spanish," Allie murmurs. He glances over at her, their eyes meeting and everything going up in a blaze.

"Here, give me Ella's shoes and you guys go do your own thing. Okay? Text me if you stay in town, Allie."

Rafe clears his throat at that, gives Allie a raised eyebrow as she blushes fiercely.

Ellery whines for Kate's attention. "Mommy. I eat crab?"

"You haven't eaten crab. We could try some."

"No hot sauce."

They all laugh at that and Kate smooths a hand down Ellery's hair. "No hot sauce, cricket. That's just for Dash." She waves off him and Allie. "You two go do something. You don't need to spend tonight giving kids baths and playing board games. Go on."

Rafe squeezes Allie's hand and looks at her. They're already dressed up for the sunset photos on the beach (he knows the photographer got some good shots of the proposal), and he wants to take her out. Away from her family, but mostly just to have a moment to touch her, have her all to himself.

"Sure. Thanks, Mom."

At the end of the boardwalk, Rick Castle turns around and shakes his hand before they part ways. His grip is firm but it's not threatening, which Rafe considers to be a huge step forward. Rick is even smiling at him, a little bit.

Dashiell runs back from where he'd gone on ahead, tackles Rafe around the knees. He leans down and pats the boy's back.

"Hey, we'll see you later. We're not leaving," he says, trying for an awkward, leaning over hug.

"My birthday is tomorrow."

"I know. That's really cool. We are definitely looking forward to that. We have birthday presents for you too."

They separate then, Ellery giggling with her mother about something - crabs or shoes, he can't make it out - and Dashiell taking his father's hand at Rick's insistence. He and Allie stand there watching for a moment, and then she turns to him and launches herself into his arms.

Rafe catches her, holds her tightly to him, hips meeting hips, and dives down for her mouth. She breathes hotly against him, her teeth at his smile, and he pushes his tongue past the thin barrier of her lips, strokes the roof of her mouth.

She moans softly against him, breaks the kiss, comes back to him, breaks it again. "Not here."

"Too many little kids," he laughs, wraps his arms tighter around her. The twilight has made her hair look like the sun when it sinks into the water, her body like a mermaid's against him. "I love you. I love you-"

"We're getting married," she grins, kisses him again before pressing her forehead to his. "How did you - did you ask Kate for the ring?"

"No. She gave it to me. This morning. And I knew the time was right."

"It is right. It's so right. I love you, too." She slides her fingers through his hair and arches up into him, claiming his mouth again.

He lets her be aggressive, dwells in it for a long time before pushing her away, afraid he won't be able to stop touching her if she keeps it up.

"Let's go get dinner together. Walk around," he says, reaching down to thread his fingers through hers. He tugs her after him, starts walking towards the parking lot and their car. The keys are in his pocket - he'd thought maybe. . .

"And after that?" she says archly, giving him that look that makes his body thrum.

"We'll see. We have the rest of our lives, Allie."

She stumbles to a stop beside him, stares up at him, then gives him a gorgeous laugh. "Yeah. Yeah we do."


	95. Chapter 95

They're both thinking too much. If she has to guess, Rick can't stop dwelling on the fact that his oldest daughter just got engaged - and what she might be doing to celebrate - and where they might be sleeping tonight. Kate is thinking similar thoughts, but in a different context.

Like when Allie and Rafe come to visit them. Allie and Ella have always shared a room, but that hardly works now. There's the guest room, of course, but how welcoming is that? To shove Allie out of her own room? And then, well, if they do have another kid, there's no room at all - and Kate doesn't want to do that to Allie, have her think that there's no room for her in her own home. Maybe they could buy a sofa bed for the study, put Ellery in there when Jim or Martha sleeps over, but then if it's Christmas and if they get Allie and Rafe for the holidays too, then where will everyone sleep if there _is_ another baby-

"Okay. Enough," Kate says, grabbing Castle by the shoulder.

He looks up at her, his consternation wrinkling his brow. He puts the knife in the sink and takes a bite of his peanut butter on bread.

"Really," she says. "Let's get out of here. Dashiell! Ella!"

Dash comes running in from the balcony, the dog at his heels. Ellery pops her head out from her room, carrying Totoro with her, shuffling towards them in the kitchen.

"Dash, baby, want to go to the mainland, find a bookstore? Last day of being four."

"We going to get books?" Dash asks, the dog nudging him in the back. "I want to get books. Daddy?"

Rick glances at her, then down to his son. "Yeah. Okay. Ellery, wanna go to the bookstore?"

Ella wraps an arm around Kate's leg, nods her head into the side of her mother's thigh. Kate leans over and picks her up, snuggling her daughter against her chest. "That a yes, cricket?"

She nods again.

"Words, Ella. Use words."

"Yeah, books."

Kate smiles softly at her, kisses her cheek. "Allie and Rafe will be back tomorrow, okay? In the meantime, let's go have some fun, the four of us."

Dashiell gives a little sigh. "But my dog."

Oh. Rex. They've spent a lot of time outside the condo, Rex stuck inside. Rick and Dash took him on a walk when they got back, but more time away-

"We'll bring Rex in the car with us. It's cool enough at night here that he'll be okay. And me or Daddy can take you out to the car whenever you want to see him while we're at the bookstore."

Dashiell pets Rex over and over, thinking on that. "Well, okay."

"Okay," Rick says, then reaches over for Ellery, takes her from Kate. "Okay, yeah. Good idea, Mommy. Let's go to the bookstore."

* * *

><p>The drive is quiet, even the kids are quiet, and when he parks at the back of the chain bookstore, the silence still hasn't been breached. He knows it's partly his fault.<p>

"Okay. Guys. Time for books," he says, glancing over his shoulder at the kids. Dashiell's dog has spent the whole drive in the floorboards, Dash's foot rubbing the top of his head. "Guys?"

Ellery leans forward as far as she can in her seat. "Books. Let's go."

Castle grins at her. "That's right. Let's go."

He gets out and opens the back door, unbuckles his daughter. Kate is helping Dash hop out too, and he's determined to not be morose. The kids are taking their example from him, even Kate seems a little depressed, and this is supposed to be a happy occasion; his daughter just got engaged to a really great guy.

"Rick, the windows."

He puts Ella down, opens the driver's door again, and cranks the starter so he can roll the windows down for Rex. "Kate, you got the water for him?"

"Already did that." She shakes an empty water bottle at him across the car and nods to the back. The dog's water dish is filled; Rex is looking at all of them like they're crazy, head tilted to one side, sitting in the floorboard. Dash gives him one last pet and Kate shuts the door.

"Okay, let's go." He grabs Ella's hand again, locks the car as he rounds the hood and comes alongside Kate and Dashiell.

Books. His family's go-to happy.

"You can sneak-sign," Kate murmurs at him with a soft smile. He sighs. She thinks it's funny, and he always ends up giving in so she won't make a commotion in the store.

Ella is dragging her heels, humming a little song to herself. The sky is still that green-blue of a twilight that won't give up, the summer night unable to entirely eclipse the sun, still warm and humid and faintly light. Ellery's hair flares around her cheeks as the breeze catches them; his shirt flaps.

Castle feels funny signing his own books on the sly; he's not sure why. But Kate keeps insisting it's a wonderful surprise for some fan - his signature on the title page. So he usually gives in, because the picture he gets in his head is of Kate Beckett fifteen years ago, still trying to rebuild her life, buying one of his books and discovering he's already somehow touched it, reached out to her with that one small line.

She comes up with the lines too - anything from _Surprise!_ to _Never give up on a mystery._ She's been cheesy and silly and sentimental with them, and they've spent entirely too much time in bookstores sneak-signing his own novels.

"I want to browse first," he grumbles at her, reaching down to swing Ella into his arms. "Right, baby girl? We'll look at picture books."

"Want maps."

"Maps?"

"Maps," she says, setting her jaw.

"That's my fault," Kate sighs with a little laugh. "Ellery and I went into that travel bookstore down the street from your publisher."

"Oh, yeah. Thackery's?"

"Yeah. I pulled down some atlases. We had fun naming people we knew in all the states."

"Cool. Ella, we can look at maps. I'll show you some countries I've been to, people I know there."

"Countries?"

"I'll explain," he laughs, then turns to Kate. "You got Dash?"

She nods as they enter through the automatic doors of the bookstore, cream and green decor meeting them, dark wood fixtures. "We'll be exploring. Meet you at yours in say, an hour?"

"Sounds good." He leans over and snags the back of her neck, kisses her quickly. She tastes like mint gum and a smile, and he's glad she suggested this. "See you."

Dashiell is already slipping out of her grip and running for the display of board games, so she turns quickly and follows.

"Okay, Ella, let's find you some maps."

"Countries."

"Yeah. Countries. Daddy has been to England and France and Germany. Mommy has been to the Ukraine and Russia," he starts, heading for the section of world maps and atlases along the far left wall. "And then Mommy and I have been to Canada together."

"I not know them."

He laughs at her and pulls down a huge world atlas, gets down in the floor with Ellery in his lap. He opens the atlas across his knees and her little legs, starts with the map that looks like a sliced up orange - the globe laid flat.

"Here's the world."

"The world?"

"Earth. You know when we learned the planets? My Very Educated Mother-"

"Just Served Us Nine Pizzas!" Ella grins at him, kisses his neck in her excitement. "I know them."

"The planets, right. We're the E for Educated. Earth. And this is the map of the earth."

"This?" Her little finger trails across the atlas.

"Yup, this whole big thing. And we live here. In New York City."

"In the US."

"That's right. That's our country, but see, it's this whole big place." He uses her finger to circle the States. "Oh, and these two as well. Alaska up here by Canada, and Hawaii way over here in the water."

"Little bitty. What they do there?"

"Hawaii is a group of islands. They surf and have volcanoes and-"

"I surf too!"

"Ah, yeah. You just learned how to surf; you're right."

"I go to Hawaii."

He smirks at the top of her head, glances around to see if Kate is nearby, but no dice. Too bad. He's been trying to convince Kate to go with him to Hawaii for ages. "Yeah, you and I will work on Mommy about that one, kiddo."

"Where's me again?"

He drags her finger back to New York and taps it. "Here. New York City."

"Where's me now?"

"Down here, Texas." He stays on the mainland of the state rather than trying to explain that they're staying on an island off the coast. Easier. "And then, here's where Papa lives, just outside the city." He drags her finger back up and she giggles.

"Gram?"

"Gram is in the city too. In Mommy's old apartment."

"Where's. . .Allie?"

"Well, Allie is usually here, in Chicago."

"Illinois."

"That's right. Mommy teach you that?" He taps her little finger on Chicago, then draws her hand off the map. "Okay, so that's the States. But there's the whole rest of the world too, cricket. Look. On top of us is Canada. Mommy and I went there to chase a bad guy one time." He squints, but the tiny city isn't labelled, so he lets it go.

"Who's there?"

"Uh, well, a guy named Carlyle. But he's in jail."

"He in jail? He a bad man."

"As it turns out, he was," Castle kisses the top of her head and moves her finger down to Mexico, naming a few people he knows in Mexico City. He tries to think of people she might have met at the family-friendly charity events, names them as he comes to their countries, circles around England and Scotland for people he's met dealing with the international rights for his books.

"Oh, actually. Remember your friend from preschool? Ana? She and her family are from Brazil. They moved back a couple months ago."

"My friend Ana," Ellery sighs, her finger flicking over the country in South America. "My friend Ana play with me. We play dinosaurs."

"Oh? Dinosaurs, huh." Castle hugs her around her torso, growls in her ear. "Dinosaurs can eat you up."

She giggles and squirms in his arms as he pretends to eat her up. "No, Daddy. My people in countries."

He sighs and gives her a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Okay, okay. Let me think. Oh, well Uncle Kevin? His family is from Ireland. Uncle Kevin has an uncle still there."

"Uncle Kevin's uncle?"

"Yup. I think his name is Miles. And let's see, Mommy's family - you remember going to visit Papa and seeing pictures of your Mom's mom?"

"Mommom."

"Yup, that's what you and Dashiell call her. Her parents are from a couple different countries. They came to New York from Italy, here. It looks like a boot. That's how you can always pick out Italy. But before that, Mommy's grandmother, Mommom's mom, she was from Yugoslavia. Which doesn't exist anymore."

"It's extinct?"

"Ah, like dinosaurs?" At her nod, Castle grins, tries to figure out how to explain it. "Well, not exactly. It's still there, but now they call it a bunch of different names. They all decided to be their own countries. So the part Mommy's grandmother is from - that's Croatia. See? Right here."

Ellery leans forward over the map to study the country intently.

"In Croatia, they speak the same language Mommy speaks to you and Dash."

"_Volim te."_

He laughs, a little stunned, and maybe proud too, to hear it come out of her mouth. "Yeah. That. Do you know what that means?"

She nods, but doesn't give him anything else. He wonders if Ellery knows just the feeling it evokes, the way it's said, rather than a word for word translation. There's no doubt what Kate means when she speaks it.

"Where else, Daddy?"

"Um, let's see. Here's where Mommy was for a semester. Ukraine. That's in Asia. Wait. No, it's Europe. I think. Uh, I'm not up on my continents."

"What is that? Con-"

"Continents. See, there are seven continents. Well, if you're American, there are seven continents. If you're from over here, I think there's only six continents. And then there's an argument for only five continents. So it depends on-"

He stops, glances at her confused face.

"Seven continents," he decides, and then takes her finger and begins to name them. "Antarctica, South America, North America, Africa, Europe, Asia, and Australia."

"Say them again."

Castle goes through the list, pointing her finger at each of them, tries to come up with something funny or interesting to help her remember. After a while, he realizes it's been longer than their allotted time, and they should be meeting up again.

"Hey, let's go find Mommy and Dash."

Rick closes the atlas and stands up, an arm around Ellery to let her slide out of his lap. He puts the atlas back, but then thinks better of it and takes it down again. "Do you - you want the big book of maps?"

Ellery gives him a strange look. "Mommy already got me one."

He laughs and shakes his head, puts the atlas in its place again. "Right. Of course she did. Never mind, cricket. Let's go get the other two."

* * *

><p>Kate chases Dashiell to the back of the store, loses him for about a minute in the confusing arrangement of bookshelves in world history, then snags him by the hand and marches him back to the kids' books, thumping his ear.<p>

"Stop running off."

"But I saw-"

"You come ask me, Dashiell."

"Okay, okay, ow. My ear." He rubs his ear fiercely, giving her a glare, and she nudges him with her knee.

"Get over it."

He drifts away from her again, heading for the train table set up in the center of the children's books. He's a little old for the trains, but he still hasn't lost his love of things with wheels, apparently. He gets on his knees and begins driving the train off the tracks and around on the carpet, then along the books he's already picked out to buy.

Kate feels a hand at her back and jumps, finds Castle grinning at her. Ellery rushes past them to grab a train, falls to her knees beside her brother. Dash starts showing her the picture book he chose for her - Knuffle Bunny - and he's reading it to her, sort of, trying to do voices too.

She turns to Castle with a grin. "Hey there."

"I thought you said to meet at my books?"

She checks her phone for the time. "Sorry. I just ran down your son halfway across the store. I lost track of time."

He laughs and takes her hand, kisses her knuckles in some grand gesture of gratitude. Something. He looks happier than he did when they left for the bookstore, and his eyes are clear. Kate smiles and lifts up on her toes to kiss his mouth, rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip when she pulls back.

"Stay with the kids. I'll go get your books," she murmurs.

He sighs at her, but she squeezes his hand and he relents. "Go get 'em."

She grins and heads for the regular fiction; she staked out the area earlier with Dash in tow, found Castle's name, his spot. The bookstore has the last five titles in hardback and about a dozen in paperback. Multiple copies of the last two Nikki Heats too. It makes her happy, in a ridiculous way, because she has nothing to do with his novels being on the shelf but she still.

Well, except for being his muse. But that's not - there's no claim in that. Only a surreal pleasure of being, somehow, allowed to witness it.

There aren't any employees in this area at the moment, so she won't have any trouble taking a handful of the paperbacks, two of the Nikki books, and not be too conspicuous. They have the novel she first read, the one her mother had checked out from the library. She brushes her finger over the spine, taking a moment out of time.

Richard Castle.

She _married_ him. She has kids with him.

All because her mother-

Died?

Kate takes the paperback off the shelf, lets the smell of book glue and the printed page waft up at her as she thumbs through it, all the passages she knows practically by heart.

No.

Her mother's murder is no more the cause of her life than ineffective birth control or the Butcher. Those things didn't cause Kate Beckett to fall in love with her favorite mystery writer. They are pieces of the puzzle of her life, elements that spice things up, but the bad times, the shadows, they didn't give her this life. She has this life because-

Because she loves him. Because he loves her.

It's not fate. It's her choice. Richard Castle is who she wants, life with him is what she wants. She chose it.

This is good, and right, and beautiful. And they've done it together.

Anything else - the 12th, buying Black Pawn, Allie getting married, having another baby - those are just more things they do - or don't do - together, more choices they get to make, yes or no, good or bad.

Kate gathers up his novels and heads back for the kids' section, her waiting family.

Rick.


	96. Chapter 96

They're sitting at a children's table, his knees bracketing the table top, scribbling messages inside paperback books while Kate reads at his feet. She leans against his shin, Ellery lying in her lap as Kate goes through 'Green Eggs and Ham.'

"Okay, so how about this one?" he asks, nudging her with his knee.

Kate rocks forward, shoots him a little look for that to which he only grins his _You know you love me_ grin and wriggles his eyebrows.

"Write _It's your lucky day,_" she says, resettling against his shin.

"Ahh, good one," he murmurs, and quickly jots down the note on the title page, signs his name with a flourish below that. Fits perfectly with the plot of this one too. She's good at this. "You should come with me next time I have to do a signing."

"No, thanks."

"You're just shy."

"Hardly."

"Yeah, you are. In front of my scores of adoring fans-"

She snorts, and he nudges her again; Ellery sits up and shoots him a scowl for rocking her boat.

"Sorry, cricket. Lie back down." He reaches over and guides her back into Kate's lap, smoothing his fingers through her hair. Kate catches his hand and kisses his thumb, lets him go.

"It's the adoring fans that - yes - unnerve me a little."

"It's astonishing, really." He cracks a yawn and glances around, checking on Dashiell. The boy is half under the train table, playing with a couple of board books that have wheels and are made to look like dump trucks. "It always surprises me when we go to an event and you stand there so quietly."

"I don't usually have that much to say."

"Yeah, but-"

"Only a fool opens his mouth and removes all doubt."

He chuckles at that, closes the book, reaches for the next one. "You saying I'm a fool?"

"Ah. I plead the fifth."

Castle tweaks her ear, leaning over to look at her. She's grinning back at him, smug and softly gorgeous; he can't help pressing a quick kiss to her mouth.

"Read!"

He backs off, shoots Ellery a look, and Kate goes back to reading the Dr Seuss book. Castle sneak-signs the last of them, piling them on the table in front of him, then leans back a little in the tiny chair, listening to Kate's voice as she rhymes _I would not, could not in the dark._

"Sit up, babe," he murmurs, pushing on her shoulder. She leans forward, and he stands up, heads over to Dashiell under the table.

Getting down in the floor with him, Castle studies the kid's little world he's created - piles of books for mountains, the roads are made of board books, and the trains from the table have been appropriated as well.

"Hey, Daddy."

"Hey, my man. What are you doing?"

"Playing."

"Yeah. I see that. Want to read?"

"I already read."

"I mean, want me to read to you?"

Dash scoots around, crawls out from under the table. "You read me Sherlock Holmes?"

Castle glances over to Kate, who is still halfway through the book. "Sure. Let's go get it."

"Wait. You read me Edgar Allan Poe?"

He debates that for a moment. He started reading Poe to Dashiell on accident. Well, of course, reading anything on accident is highly unlikely, but that's his defense. He thought Dashiell was too little to understand. Now it's a thing.

"A little bit of 'The Purloined Letter' - okay?"

"Yes!" Dashiell fist-pumps and jumps up. "Go get it, Daddy."

"Stay here. I'm gonna put my books back."

"Ooh, can I go with you? I wanna watch."

"There's nothing to watch. I'm putting them back on the shelf."

Dashiell darts for the table and grabs a couple of the paperbacks. Kate turns and watches him a moment. "Baby, those aren't ours. Be gentle."

"I know," Dash says, and flips open the pages. "I'm looking for Daddy's name."

"It's on the front."

"No, the inside name."

"My signature?" Castle squats down next to him and takes the book out of his hands, turning to the title page. "Here it is."

Dashiell grins, takes the book back and closes it. His fingers run over the raised letters of his father's name. "That's you."

"Yup. That's me."

Kate has turned around to watch this exchange, Ellery sitting in her lap, the book still open. Castle can't quite read the expression on her face. This is the first time Dashiell seems to actually get that his father writes books that wind up in bookstores away from his own home.

"Daddy has a lot of books," Kate says.

"This is Daddy's book about you, Mommy, right?" Dashiell pulls a Nikki book from the bottom of the stack.

"Yes."

"Is this you?" He taps the silhouette with a finger.

"No. They have someone draw the covers. It's not me."

Castle smirks at her; she narrows her eyes at him.

"Hey, Dash, what would you say if I wrote about you?"

Dash lifts his eyes to his father, wide and round. "You write about me?"

"I'm going to. Working on it." He grins at his son, waits for Dashiell's judgment.

"Cool. What do I do?"

"You're a kid who solves mysteries. It'll be a book you can read too."

"I can read about me?"

"Sort of you. He doesn't have your name. Just like this book about Mommy doesn't use Mommy's real name."

"What's my book name?"

"Felix."

"Cool. I like that name. I can be Felix. Is Ellery in my book?"

Castle glances down at his daughter, rubs a hand over his jaw, thinking quickly. "Sure."

"Castle?"

He shrugs at her, but actually, Dash brought up a good point. And a good idea. "Ella's there too. But in the book, she's your best friend. You guys solve mysteries together."

"Ellery is my friend."

"Right," he says, grinning at Dash. "Good boy. But I mean, she's not your sister in the book."

"What's her name?"

"I - I haven't found a name for her yet."

"Chandler," Kate says, her mouth falling open after it pops out, as if she didn't expect it at all.

He grins at her. "Chandler?" As in Raymond Chandler, most likely. "Yeah. Chandler. That's Ellery's book name."

Ella climbs out of Kate's lap and snuggles down into his, wrapping both arms around his neck. Apparently, this gets her approval.

"Tomorrow, on your birthday, I was going to read some of it to you. For a birthday present."

"Awesome," Dashiell whispers.

Castle grins and holds out a hand for Dash to slap. He gets an enthusiastic high-five and then Dashiell is stacking the books back up and gathering them to his chest.

"Let's go put these up and get Poe. I want to read Poe now."

"Castle," Kate huffs at him.

He lifts Ellery out of his lap, hands her back to her mother. "Here, take the cricket. Dash and I are going to find some Poe."

"No 'Tell-Tale Heart.' No 'Pit and the Pendulum.' Remember?"

"I know, I know," he says, getting to his feet and gesturing for Dashiell to follow. Those were bad nightmares. "We're going for 'Purloined Letter.'"

She chews on her lower lip, but shakes her head at him. "Fine. Ellery, let's find something good to read. What next?"

Ella casts a sly glance his way, then beams up at her mother. "We read Little Prince, Mommy."

Kate grins. "In French?"

"Yes."

"Okay, leaving you girls to be snooty. The boys are going for horror." He guides Dash ahead of him towards the fiction. Let the girls read The Little Prince in French, fine. Show-offs.

* * *

><p>Kate runs her fingers through Ellery's hair as they snuggle together in the corner. Two bookshelves meet and provide a tight, if hard, space for the two of them.<p>

"-Bonjour, répondit poliment le petit prince, qui se retourna mais ne vit rien. -Je suis là, dit la voix, sous le pommier."

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Qu'est-ce que le pommier?"

Kate grins when the girl uses the French phrase Kate just taught her. "Apple tree."

"Le pommier," Ella muses, tracing her finger over the page. "I like that better."

"Better than apple tree?"

"Oui."

Kate bites her lip, grinning around it. "Parce que c'est plus joli?"

"Que?"

Kate shakes her head. "Quoi."

Ella sighs at the correction. "Quoi?"

"Because it's prettier that way?" Kate says in English.

"I not know anymore."

Kate laughs and scrapes the hair out of Ellery's eyes, kisses her forehead. "You're doing very well. Très bien."

Her phone rings as Ellery repeats her mother's French, and Kate scoops it up off the floor, surprised by the caller ID.

"Dad?"

"Hey, sweetheart. Just wanted to warn you, now that I've got a free moment."

"Where are you?" She hears traffic noise and the regular thumping sound of gas being pumped. She thought her father was upstate.

"Martha got this wild idea to fly out to Texas and surprise you guys for Dashiell's birthday."

"Oh no. We have no more room," she laughs. "Allie and Rafe are here too."

"Papa?" Ellery asks, holding a hand up for the phone.

"Not right this second, baby. Dad - you guys will have to stay in a hotel. Or rent a place in our condominium. Is that ok?"

"Kelly is with me, Kate."

Ah, thus the reason for a warning phone call. She takes a slow breath. "Okay. So - two condos? I don't know. What are you thinking here?"

"I think Kelly and I will rent a motel nearby-"

"Oh Dad, no. I'm sorry. I meant - Rick and I will pay for it. Of course. Our fault for not getting a bigger place. Mine really."

"Katie, that's not what I was asking."

"I know. But I'll have Rick go down to the front office and ask about condos. If it's say a three bedroom place, would that be all right? Room for - whatever."

Her father laughs on the other end. "All right, sweetheart."

"Do we need to come pick you up at the airport tomorrow?"

"Actually. We rented a car. We're - an hour out."

"Dad!"

"Kate. It's the first time I could get away. Martha has been right on top of us ever since. She wants it to be a surprise."

"I'm surprised," she says with a roll of her eyes. "Okay. We'll figure out sleeping arrangements when you get here." She breathes out, smiles brightly at the little girl not waiting very patiently in her lap. "Dad, Ella wants to talk."

"Oh good. Hand it over."

Kate gives Ellery the phone and grins widely to hear her little voice.

"Papa! You come?"

Kate closes Le Petit Prince and slides it back onto the shelf, then gathers Ella in her arms and gets slowly to her feet, wincing as her shirt pulls away from the scabs on her back. She resettles the girl on her hip and leans down to grab the pile of books Dashiell and Ellery picked out before, then catches the phone before it can slip out of her girl's little fingers.

"Hold on, baby girl," she murmurs, sliding it back to Ella's ear. The girl curls her hand around it again.

"Yeah, we have fun. The beach." Ella continues, answering another of Kate's father's questions. Papa is used to having to carry the whole conversation, so Ellery's little comments are probably quite surprising.

She heads out of the children's section and finds Dash and Rick in the section of main fiction, both of them sprawled on the floor on their stomachs, reading an illustrated version of Edgar Allan Poe.

"Here's Daddy," Ella says suddenly. "Papa-"

Kate muffles her with a hand, brushes her mouth to the girl's ear to whisper. "Shh. Surprise, cricket. Don't let Dash know."

Ellery gives her a huge grin, the phone still pressed to her cheek, those blue eyes sparkling like her father's.

"Say bye-bye to Papa."

"Bye, Papa." And she thrusts the phone at her mother.

Kate chuckles and takes it. "Dad?"

"Yeah, I gotta go. Martha is coming back from the bathroom. Oh wow, Ella is a riot. All that talking. And Kelly says hi."

"Call me when you're close?" she murmurs.

"Yeah. See ya, Katie."

"Bye." She ends the call, slides her phone into her back pocket. Castle is looking up at her from the floor, Dashiell has climbed up to sit on his back, dragged the book with him.

"Kate?" He lifts up onto his elbows and gives her a long look. Oh yeah, he caught that last part of her conversation.

She nods.

He mouths, _My mother?_

She nods again.

Castle groans and buries his head in his hands, then shifts up, reaching a hand back to grab Dash. Kate snags the book before it can fall, closes it, and Castle shifts Dash so he can ride piggy-back.

"Okay, kiddos. Let's buy our books and head back."

"Can we get this one?" Dash reaches for the book in her hands, but she pulls it away.

"Choose one." She holds out the pile of books he picked earlier.

He pouts at her, and despite herself, something gives way in her resolve.

"Choose two, then, since it's your last day of being four."

Dashiell's lips spread into an eager smile, and he reaches for the Poe book again. "Oh, how I love you, Mommy."

She huffs at him, leans in to give him a quick kiss, and sees that Castle is grinning at her too. The two of them are a pair - so alike. "Okay, all right. Poe and what else?"

"I want the Captain Underpants book."

Castle laughs, one arm still holding Dash on his back but reaching for the books with his free hand. She hands over the illustrated Poe, which Kate is almost certain they have at home - or something very similar to it, and the Dav Pilkey book.

She shifts Ellery up a little, moving her knee away from the raw place at her back. "What about you, cricket? What two books?"

"Two?"

"Just two." Kate fans them out. "You have this one at home, baby girl. Not this one."

She drops the princess book of manners in the floor with the others Dash isn't getting, then holds up the rest of her choices.

"Harry the Dirty Dog," Ella says, pointing to the book about the dog that doesn't want to take a bath. "And . . . and . . . Charlie and Lola!"

Kate grins and gives both of them to Castle. Ella picked the book about the two kids who absolutely have to draw - and which lets her draw and paint and scribble all through the book. It looks like fun, and Kate kind of wants to 'help' her read it.

Ellery squirms with delight and snuggles closer to her mother as they head towards the front of the store.

"Kate? Did you want anything?"

She shakes her head. "I got a couple new ones on the iPad."

"Shame. Nothing like having the actual book," he sighs.

"Hm, hold on. Actually." She kisses Ella's cheek and leans over to put her down. "Take the kids up there. I'll be right back."

"Yeah?" he says, giving her a grin and taking Ellery's hand.

"Uppie," she whines, lifting both hands.

Kate winces but ducks out, leaving him with the kids as she heads back for the fiction section. There is this one book she's loved, and has always meant to get, but she likes to have a reason to buy an old favorite, a memory attached to the purchase. This is a good time to add to her collection.

Kate finds the C's quickly enough and scans the shelves, hoping to find the one title-

The Awakening.

She slides the slim volume off the shelf and brushes her finger over the cover. She's never seen this imprint before - a woman in blue, the smear of condensation over the cover like she's looked at through a mirror, the face turned away. Her heart pounds just holding it; she flips open the pages and scans the lines, wondering if it's as liberating now as it was then.

_There were days when she was very happy without knowing why. She was happy to be alive and breathing, when her whole being seemed to be one with the sunlight, the color, the odors, the luxuriant warmth of some perfect Southern day._

Oh. Yes.

Happy to be alive.

She knows the book doesn't end well, knows the woman can't maintain the balance of happy days, but the language and the light, the way those happy days infuse the writing, the life of this character - it's still a wonderful novella.

Kate heads back to the front with the book against her chest and finds her family at the register. She bites her lip as she sees both Dashiell and Ellery in Castle's arms as he tries to juggle them and pay.

"Mommy," Ella breathes, throwing out both arms to her. Kate gathers her daughter close and hands the book over to Castle, wincing as Ella's fingers pull on her hair.

"This one too."

He glances at it, gives her crooked grin. "Doesn't she walk into the sea at the end?"

"Yeah. But I love it."

"Weird. You are weird," he laughs, then nods to the woman at the register. "Can I pay for this one too?"

Kate lifts on her toes and kisses the side of his neck, the two kids squirming between them. She feels his skin ripple and sinks back down flat on her feet, grinning at him. "Hm, a little weird. Still love it."

Castle reaches out and hooks his hand in her back pocket, tugging on her, something like desperate need in his leer. "Don't worry. I like weird."

"We all know it," she laughs.

Still. How absurdly grateful she feels to see that hot spark in his eyes when he looks at her, the sense she gets that these moments when she's most herself, and feeling most vulnerable for it, these are the times he loves her the fiercest.


	97. Chapter 97

"Remind me why it's stupid," she murmurs, forehead against her hand.

Castle glances back to the road and gives a soft chuckle. "Because it's not wrong to be happy. You're happy. He should get to be happy too."

"I am happy," she sighs. He can see her lift her head and stare out the windshield.

"Sounds so very convincing."

She laughs and gives him a look. "Yeah. Sorry. No, I'm happy. I just struggle with this because. . ."

"Because?" he asks. But he knows. She might not know, but he sees it so clearly.

"Because she's not my mom. Because he should be with my mom."

Castle sighs and takes a hand off the wheel, grips hers tightly. "Babe, your mom is gone. He can't be with her. You don't want him to be with her, not really. He tried that, remember? You had to hold an intervention."

She sighs. "I want my mom to-"

"In real life, Kate. He's here; he's alive. Let him live."

She shivers hard, her hand squeezing around his. "Tell me again why it's stupid."

He frowns into the darkness ahead of them, just past the headlights, glances in the rearview mirror to check on the kids. It's too silent for his liking, but Dash is paging through the illustrated Poe book and Ellery is out, fast asleep in her car seat.

"Rick-"

"I shouldn't have to tell you. It's been three years since they started seeing each other. They practically live together. I know for a fact that they _would_ live together if it weren't for-" He bites his words off, winces at the slip. Arg. Jim told him that in relative confidence and he just-

"Wait. What?"

He squeezes her hand and drops it, puts his own back on the wheel.

"Castle."

He presses his lips together, debates the wisdom of finishing that thought. Except, now it's out there and it's been his opinion, all this time, that if she knew, she might try a little harder to accept Kelly's place in her father's life.

"Your dad told me that he won't marry Kelly so long as you - as you're - so long as you're against it."

"I'm not against it," she gasps. "Castle. Oh holy hell, _why_ does my father think I'm against it? Why didn't you tell him differently?"

He glances at her, stunned, gives her a startled laugh. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not against him getting married. I like Kelly. I _love _Kelly."

"You - you tolerate Kelly."

"No. Oh no. No, that's not true."

"It certainly looks like it."

She moans and covers her face. "Oh God. Oh God, what have I done?"

Yeah. Yeah, he really should have mentioned this last year when Jim first said something. "Kate-"

"Castle." She groans again and clenches her fists. "Why didn't you tell him he was wrong? Even if - shit, even if you thought it was true, you should've said I'd get over it. Or - or something. Oh my God-"

"I'm sure Dashiell appreciates your language, but-"

She hisses and claps a hand over her mouth, groans as she tilts her head back against the seat. Unfortunately, that looks kinda hot and he has to avert his eyes. Just - reminders - memories. The long column of her throat arching-

Shiiiiip. Okay, not the time, Rick.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Oh suck, suck, suck," she grits out. "I've got to fix this. This is a mess. I can't believe you let him - I can't believe Dad didn't ask me-"

"Kate, love, remember what you were like when he mentioned her, oh so casually in conversation? Remember what happened when you met Kelly at Dash's preschool for the first time? Not pretty."

"I was a bi - ah, I wasn't very nice. I was working through stuff. But that was three years ago."

"You're still working through stuff."

"No, I'm good. Really. I am."

"Then why do I have to keep reminding you why it's stupid?"

She's silent at that, but she twists in her seat. From the corner of his eye, he can see her pull out her phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling my dad."

"Are you sure that's-"

"Dad?"

Darn. Ah, crap. This isn't going to be - the kids probably shouldn't be around to hear this.

"Dad, I need to tell you something."

"Kate. Dashiell is still awake back there." He gives her a look, glances back to the road, then once more to her, trying to impress upon her the very real issue she definitely does still have.

She turns, glances at their son, then lowers her voice. "Dad, I love Kelly. I want you to be happy with Kelly. Whomever you want to be happy with. Okay?"

He winces because it really doesn't sound as heartfelt as it should. He wonders how Jim is taking this, what he's saying back.

"No, Dad. Dad. No. I'm serious. No, Castle did not put me up to this."

He gives her a lopsided grin as she rolls her eyes.

"Dad." She pauses for a long time, and she's listening; he can see her rub away a tear from the corner of her eye. "I miss her too. Yeah. No. Daddy. Please don't think you can't - that you shouldn't - Mom would . . . Mom would want you to have someone."

Wow.

Castle reaches out, grabs the hand she's already flailing out towards him, laces their fingers together. Tears are coursing down her cheeks, but her voice is rock steady. No trace at all. For her father.

She's still silent; he holds on, waiting.

"You love her?"

She's breaking his heart. Not a single quiver in her voice, not a strain, only softness and a sense of warmth, despite the tears still on her cheeks. She doesn't look at him either; she's got her face turned to the night outside the passenger window.

He concentrates on the road, tries to hear her in the silence.

"Yeah, I think you should."

Should what?

"You should, Daddy. You should marry her."

Oh. Oh, Kate.

He can feel the tremble of her fingers against the back of his hand. He lifts her knuckles to his mouth, dusts kisses over her skin, eyes on the road.

Sincerity and cheer are in her voice when she speaks again, even though he knows better. Even though it must cost her.

"You'll be in good company, actually. Allie and Rafe-"

He can hear Jim's startled laughter on the other end, feel Kate gathering herself back together in the eye of the storm, breathing deeply.

"Yeah, Dad. Uh-huh. Well, actually, they're at a hotel right now. Much to Rick's chagrin. But they'll be back in the morning. They needed some time alone to celebrate."

He squeezes her fingers, presses his lips to the back of her hand as she listens again.

"Okay. Yeah. Love you too. No, no, it's still a surprise. Right. I got it. Haven't told the big kid a thing."

She hangs up and he risks a glance at her, but he can't tell. He can't tell if she needs him to make her laugh, or if she needs him to be silent. He's always been able to tell with her, or at least, he always thought he has.

Maybe tonight - maybe he's just now figured out that sometimes he doesn't actually know.

"Am I the big kid?" he says softly, trying for a smile.

She gives him the flicker of one and shakes her head. "Dash."

Ah. Yeah. Still a surprise. Well.

"Kate?" When he glances at her, she's gnawing on her bottom lip and using her other hand to quickly swipe tears away from her eyes, one after another, but they keep falling. "Oh, Kate."

"He's got her a ring. He's had it for a year."

He stares at her, turns his eyes back to the road, squeezes her hand tighter.

"A year, Castle. I wish it didn't hurt so much," she says finally, and this time her voice does break.

This time he can hear it, how much it still aches, her orphaned heart.

* * *

><p>They probably don't have much time before Martha and her father and Kelly show up at their door, but Kate takes this moment to be with her kids as she and Rick put them to bed. To really be with them, be peaceful with them.<p>

It's Dashiell's last night of being four. And that's okay. It's good, how it should be, and she loves seeing him grow up into this amazing little man.

Kate leans in and kisses his forehead.

"Why I sleeping in here?"

"Why am I," Castle corrects, grumbling a little. Kate knows he really hates it when Dash speaks too lazily for proper grammar, as if he can't be bothered. "You're in here because Allie won't be."

And because maybe they can put Kelly and her dad in Dashiell's room, and maybe Martha on the couch? Something. She's not sure Martha should be on the uncomfortable couch, even if it is a sofa-bed.

"But I-"

"Bedtime, Dash," she admonishes and brushes her fingers over his forehead. "Don't wake your sister."

"Nothing wakes her," he says back. "I could jump up and down on the top bunk here and she wouldn't-"

"Don't you dare jump up and down," Kate laughs, leaning in again to kiss his cheek wetly. "Be good. I don't want to be taking you back to the doctor for more stitches."

"Oh. No. I need to swim. And jump waves."

"And tomorrow is your party," Castle adds, tugging the covers up over the boy.

"Where's my dog?"

"He's down here," Kate murmurs. "Sleeping in the floor at the foot of the ladder."

"I want my dog up here."

"Baby, I don't think that's a-" But Castle is already scooping the dog up. Oh, jeez, Rick. He's going to throw out his back again hefting that huge dog up-

Oh. Well, he managed it.

"There. If he's a smart dog, he won't try to jump down."

"Rick." This is really not a good idea.

"Be smart," Dashiell tells Rex. "Stay."

The dog whines and licks Dash behind his ear, then lays his head on his paws, eyes on the boy. In fact, it kind of looks - to Kate at least - like Rex is raising his eyebrows. If he had eyebrows. Well, he kind of does - whisker-like things above his dark eyes.

Castle heads to the light switch and flips off the overhead light. "Bedtime, Dash."

"Night, Daddy."

"Good night."

"Read me a story?"

"No," Kate answers, rubbing Rex behind the ears. "You had stories at the bookstore. It's late."

"I'm not tired," Dashiell says, but it's around a yawn and the dog mimics him, opening his jaw wide as well.

"But your dog is," Kate smiles. "Bedtime."

"Say good night to Ellery."

"I will, don't worry." She moves her hand from Rex to her son, slides her fingers through the hair at his temple. She can't reach him now to kiss him, not with the dog in the way. "_Volim te_, Dash."

"Love you too, Mommy."

She releases him, leans down over the bottom bunk, the small, sprawled girl under the sheets. Castle carried her up from the car; she didn't wake, not even when he changed her into her pajamas and tucked her into bed.

Kate brushes a kiss over Ellery's cheek, whispers love in her ear as she strokes the dark hair from her face. Ella's little fingers twitch near her head, but she's deep in sleep.

"Night," she whispers, one last time before heading for the door, and Castle.

Once in the hallway, the door shut behind them, she feels their time is almost up, her time. She knows his mother and her father and Kelly are close, and she can't - she can't break down now. She has to keep it together.

But she wants so badly to-

"You are going to make it," he says roughly, and takes her by the shoulders, pulls her into him.

She wraps her arms around him, closing her eyes.

"This is a good thing, Kate. Your Dad will always be your dad. That will never change. Let me tell you - I know. I _know._ You think I love Alexis any less, or differently, just because I love you?"

She sucks in a startled breath. "No. No."

"No. You think you replaced my daughter in my heart?"

"God, no."

"No. You think your father will ever let you go?"

She shivers. "He did once."

"No, he didn't, love. He lost his way. But you brought him back. If he had truly let you go, you'd never have been able to save his life."

Oh God, how does he know the exact thing she needs to hear? When she doesn't even know it herself?

"Kate."

"Yeah," she says, nodding, surprised to find that her eyes are dry. She feels small and a little wretched, like she should be crying, but she's not. She's more okay than she thought.

"You saved his life. Now let him have it back, okay? Let him have it back."

She squeezes her eyes shut, hugs him harder just as her phone vibrates in her back pocket.

That'll be her father's text to say they're on their way up.

She really does love Kelly. She does. And the kids adore her, and she's so very good with them, and both gentle and firm with Kate in a way that sets her at ease - really, really, it's good. It's good.

She has to stop. She saved her father's life once, but it's done. It's over. He's okay now; he's more than okay. He's happy. Finally.

"I love you," she sighs and wraps an arm around Castle's neck to pull him down to her.

He gives her a hard kiss, mouth urgent, and she knows it's because he's trying to give her what she needs, but she gentles him, strokes the skin of his cheek with her fingertips as she eases her lips back.

He watches her like he thinks he's said too much.

"You're right."

He grins.

She shakes her head. "Don't let it go to your head, Castle."

"Too late."

She gives him a slow smile back, realizes she kinda, sorta, totally adores him. Wow. Not just that Rick is adorable, but she _adores_ him.

He's giving her a goofy look like he knows exactly what's going on in her head.

Kate squeezes his neck. "Don't look so smug. I think your mother should have our room for tonight. Let us take the couch."

"Damn."

"That's right, stud. Now go unlock the door for them."


	98. Chapter 98

Castle loads the sheets into the dryer and listens to his mother hold court in the living room. She's offered to take Dash's bed so that Kelly and Jim can sleep in the master bedroom; Castle saw Kate's face as she processed that, but instead of the stunned silence he expected, she got up and yanked the sheets off the beds.

Good idea. Theirs especially. He - ug - honestly, Castle doesn't want to think about it.

Cranking the dial, he starts the dryer and heads back to the adults in the living room. Kate is in the floor in front of the coffee table to give her father and Kelly the couch to themselves, and his mother is sitting in the armchair like it's a throne.

He doesn't want to, but he settles down next to Kate in the floor, knowing his back is going to hate him for it later. Kate slides her hand over his thigh, resting there, seemingly an unconscious move because she's watching his mother and smiling.

"And then I figured - what the hell? A boy only turns five once, and I'm not missing it."

"Which is the opposite of what you said when I told you that we were headed to the beach for Dash's birthday," Castle says drolly.

"I don't know what you could possibly be talking about," his mother sniffs.

"I believe the quote was something like, _The beach? Why would I want to languish in the heat? The boy will be five all year long._"

Kate bites her lip but laughs as his mother shakes a finger at him.

"I said no such thing."

Oh, yeah. She did.

"Anyway, here I am now. And I brought friends." She waves her hand at the couch, encompassing Jim and Kelly, who both are smiling, but not exactly laughing. They've been traveling with his mother since the city - however many hours ago that was - and that's probably been three or four states too long.

"Well, as soon as the sheets are clean, you guys can head to bed. Until then. . ." He trails off and they all have an awkward moment of silence. His mother might be melodramatic, but she's at least able to carry a conversation.

Just when he thinks he'll have to do something to prompt his entirely too-quiet wife, Kelly speaks up.

"Well, Kate," Kelly starts, leaning forward. "I heard that you've got Ellery enrolled in three days at preschool. She'll be in my class starting in January."

Kate shifts beside him; he wraps his hand around hers, squeezes.

"Well, I-" Kate glances at him, then looks apologetically to Kelly. "I sort of did that without telling Rick. So it might change. We've - well-"

"I planned on announcing this later, but now's good too." Castle leans back against the coffee table. "I've got an offer on the table to buy a controlling share of Black Pawn."

His mother nearly falls out of the chair, gaping at him, and Jim leans back, rubbing his hands together.

"Congratulations, son. That will be - a rather large undertaking. What brought this on?"

"I signed a contract to write a children's book - or young adult, depending on how it goes. But Black Pawn has absolutely no resources to market it. So I'm going to change things."

"That sounds great," Jim says. "The children's book - what's that about?"

"It's Dash," Kate says, grinning widely. Pride flares in Castle's chest at the look on her face.

"It's Dash? You're telling me you wrote a book about Kate, and now you're writing a book about your son?" His mother asks, laughing at him. "My boy, you are leaving the rest of us out."

"No. Actually, Mother, you're in this one too. A lot." He cuts his eyes to Kate, but she hasn't read that far yet either.

"Ooh, I am? Really?"

"Yeah."

"Who am I?"

"You're the bad guy."

She stares at him, but Jim is laughing heartily while Kelly snickers into her hand. Kate slaps his chest and glares at him.

"Castle-"

"It's a good role?" His mother asks, lifting a finger as if to silence everyone else. "Richard."

"It's a great role. Of course it is."

"Very good. Make me dastardly. But don't let me hurt the boy."

He smirks at Kate, nods to his mother, and sees Jim and Kelly smiling at each other.

"You can't hurt him. He's Nikki's son. Felix."

"Ooh, Nikki's, eh? And Jamie's right?"

"Nikki and Jameson's kid," Kate says at his side. She settles a little closer to him. "It's really good so far, what I've read. Rick told Dashiell about it today, and he seems pretty excited too."

"Oh yeah," he murmurs to her. "Don't let me forget to add in Ellery."

"Ellery too?" Jim asks.

"Felix's best friend - Chandler, a girl his age - will be based on Ellery. Quiet, fierce, smart - and well, Dash asked for his sister to be in the book. So, well, she'll be in the book."

"Do Nikki and Rook make an appearance?" Kelly asks. She's read his books - he remembers when they first met, she blushed like crazy and then asked point blank why he killed off Derek Storm and how could he do that? She's not a big talker like his mother, but she's got a strong will, and she's smart. He can see why Jim's attractd to her.

"They do," he answers. "Nikki trains him. Felix. And Rook is there to give him a little nudge in the right direction, from time to time."

"That will be so special," Kelly sighs. "Wow. Your whole family in a book."

Kate leans against his arm, and when Castle glances down at her, she's giving him this soft smile, like gratitude, that makes his chest tight. He ducks down and kisses her cheek, grinning at her.

"It's all Kate's fault," he says. "She's the one who asked me to make sure Rook and Nikki get a happy ending."

"I'll claim that one," she says back, snaking her arm through his. "I'm your muse, aren't I?"

He laughs at the evil twinkle in her eye, knowing exactly what she's saying, so he doesn't answer that. At that moment the dryer buzzes loudly and she jerks, startled.

"Castle," she mutters. "Gonna wake Dash. I told you to turn the buzzer off."

"Is that what you said? I - how do you do that?"

She rolls her eyes at him and scrambles to her feet, offering a hand to pull him up too. He follows her to the dryer and she flips a dial, yanks open the door, and pulls out the sheets.

"I missed that," he says, wincing at her and taking the laundry out of her hands.

"It's just this - Look."

"Oh. Wow. That's easy. I - I feel kind of stupid for not noticing?"

"Uh-huh," she murmurs, raising her eyebrow at him. "Hey, you do our bed for them? I'll do the sheets for your mom."

"You're just afraid to put the sheets on the bed where your dad and his girlfriend are going to sleep."

"I am not. Now hush."

"Yes, you are. You are," he drawls, nudging her hip with his, hands filled with warm sheets.

"Don't call her his girlfriend," she hisses at him. "She's like, in her late fifties."

"If she's not his girlfriend, then what? His lover?"

"Oh, God," she groans, burying her face in the sheets. "Castle."

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping."

"Go. Sheets. Stop making me blush."

"Love you."

"Uh-huh."

* * *

><p>She can't sleep.<p>

The sofa bed really isn't that comfortable, but Castle is out like it's a feather bed. Of course, Castle doesn't have his mother and her lover in his bedroom, doing who knows what-

Ug. No. No, no.

She's not thinking about that.

She is thinking about that.

She can't stop thinking about that.

Kate groans and flops over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. If only her insomniac son was awake, then the two of them could cuddle up and watch movies on the ipad.

Well, she could read. Or play a few games of Memory, or Solitaire, or Draw Some. Well, Ryan's probably not awake right now to play his turn in that game, but-

Does her Dad - he loves Kelly, doesn't he? She's good for him; Kate has seen that these last few years. Her father spends less time fishing alone, and more time with family, more time in the city as well. When Dash got chicken pox, her father and Kelly kept Ellery for two days, kept her entertained and happy and engaged so that the little girl barely even missed her mother.

Kelly is good for him, she is. Kate knows this. And she wants her father to be happy, to have companionship, someone to share his life with. It's good. It is.

She groans again and presses her hand over her eyes, tries to force out the jittery anxiety that seems to have taken up residence in her blood. Like too much coffee. She hasn't felt this worked up since - since the night they conceived Ellery.

There's a thought.

Kate rolls over onto her side, lifts up on her elbow to check the time. Two in the morning. Entirely too late for her to still be awake. She bites her lower lip and leans over him, checking.

Asleep.

Hm.

Well.

She can change that.

Kate slides her knee up, slowly presses it into his thigh. When he twitches, she hums and lowers her chest to his, as if snuggling up.

He still sleeps.

She slips her arm around his waist, shifts her hips closer to his, opens her mouth to breathe hotly on his neck. When she still gets nothing, Kate touches her tongue to his adam's apple.

He jerks and his arms close around her, a reflexive embrace, as his startle open. "Kate?" he growls, clears his throat, but that low timber still rattles in his chest.

Mmm. Yeah.

"Hey, there," she murmurs, nibbles on the scruff at his throat.

"What're - what-?"

She can feel him swallow slowly, the trail of his fingers up her back sparking her skin. She shivers and lifts up to kiss his mouth, tasting sleep and rich, dark Castle.

He grunts and rolls her off of him, looks at her funny as he rubs his eyes. "Kate?"

"Yeah," she says, and scoots in to kiss him again. "Better not be anyone else groping you in your sleep."

He grunts a laugh but stops her with a palm to her jaw, shakes his head on the pillow, slow to wake. "What's - I don't - what're you doing?"

"I'm wired. I need you to - to - loosen me up, Castle."

One of his eyes opens, then both. He stares at her. "What?"

She slides her knee between his legs, and he gasps, breathless, catching her thigh with his hand.

"Kate."

"Rick. Now."

He shakes his head again. "It's like - what time is it?"

"Two."

"Jeez, woman. Come here," he mutters, and he reaches out to grab her, pulls her against him. She wriggles - this isn't at all what she was going for, Castle and his stupid cuddling.

"Castle," she whines, wriggling her hips against him.

"Gimme a sec," he mutters, his fingers sliding along her stomach. "I can do something about this."

"Oh," she murmurs, relaxing back against his chest.

"Yeah. Oh, is right." He presses a sloppy, lazy kiss to her neck. "Waking me up in the middle of the night."

"You've woken me before," she growls back, turning her head to touch her lips to his jaw.

He chuckles against her. "True. Fair's fair. Now, shut up and let me - what did you call it? - loosen you up."

"Don't tell me to shut up," she rebukes him, but finds her breath catching instead. Oh. Oh, very good.

That's good.


	99. Chapter 99

"This looks amazing," she says, slowly turning around in the living room.

Castle grins back at her, hands filled with dinosaur paper plates and a piñata and the last jungle plant that he can't figure out where to place. "Yeah?"

"You've remade this place into that scene from Jurassic Park."

"Yeah!" He attempts a fist pump but the piñata tilts precariously. Kate lunges in to catch it, takes it off his hands.

"Whoa there."

"Thanks. Okay, so they'll get back-?"

"Any minute now," she says.

"Mommy!" Ellery yells from her room.

"They were just taking him down to get ice cream. So I'd say you have only a few minutes if you need-"

"MOM-my!"

Kate raises an eyebrow, keeps going. "-need anything else done. Do you want help with that?"

"I'm just gonna set the table, hang the piñata, put out Dash's presents, and then figure out what to do with this last plant."

"I like the dinosaur head," she says with a grin, lifting the piñata and setting it on the couch (which Castle covered in brown cloth to look like an outcropping of rock; he's kind of proud of it). "Where are you putting it?"

"Over here-"

"MOM-MY!"

"Hold your horses!" Kate yells back down the hall, then turns to him and sighs. "Where?"

"Over here so that it's peeking out of the jungle."

Kate grins widely, cutting her eyes to the rubber plants he's set up close to the sliding glass windows. "Just - make sure he won't accidentally break a window when he swings for it?"

"Ohhh, good call, Mommy."

She reaches out to - what? take his hand, kiss him? - but Ellery runs from the back room down the hall with a gasp.

"Hey, you're supposed to stay in your room," Castle says, frowning at her as she stands still at the end of the hall.

"Daddy," she gasps. "Dinosaurs."

Castle glances around, tries to see it like she does, the jungle, the draped furniture, the vines, the dinosaurs peeking out. He hopes it looks fun, not scary, since the idea was just to give Dashiell a chance to play like crazy today - total immersion in his favorite world.

"All right, back to your room, cricket," Kate says, herding her towards the bedroom. "What did you want me for?"

"Play with me?" she asks, tilting her head and giving Kate those big blue eyes, that half-smile.

"Castle, you need my help?"

"No, no. Go play," he says, waving her off. "I got this."

"You certainly do," she laughs. "Cake already here?"

"I texted Alexis. She and Rafe are picking it up."

Kate nudges Ella with her knee. "Go, baby." She glances back to him. "All right. Call if you need me."

"Like Ellery did?"

She laughs, comes back to press a kiss into his lips, her hair brushing him. "Happy Dash's birthday, Daddy."

He smiles at her, chest filling suddenly with the memory of that moment, the perfect one, putting that tiny little thing in her arms and the way she looked up at him - everything between them swept clean, all the fighting and uncertainty gone in a second. That's when he knew they'd be okay; they'd be more than okay.

They'd be this.

"Love you," he says.

She smooths her hand down his cheek, ignoring Ellery's squawking, her eyes dark on his. "Always."

* * *

><p>"He's the cream in my coffee," she grins, then rolls her eyes as her son bounces on his toes in front of his grandfather, reaching for the dinosaur. "Or the reason I need coffee."<p>

Martha laughs and gives her an impulsive hug. "Oh, that's brilliant. I love that." She hands her the mug of coffee and takes her own from the counter.

"Yeah, well," Kate shrugs, puts the mug back down, and crouches to grab the little girl hanging on to her legs. "It's also true. He's a wild man." She swings Ella up into her arms and blows a raspberry into her neck. Her daughter squeals and giggles, head thrown back as if asking for more.

Castle rescues her father, takes Dashiell and the huge dinosaur blow-up thing, heads for the kitchen. Wait, why the kitchen?

"More, Mommy," Ella giggles, so Kate ignores the two who just disappeared past the jungle plants and gives Ellery another raspberry.

Allie and Rafe are sitting close on the couch, laughing at something together, eating cake. Allie glances up and holds a hand out for Ellery; the girl squirms down and runs to Allie, climbs up in her lap.

"Mommy! Look what Daddy made!"

"Oh no," she mutters, and heads for the kitchen with Martha behind her. "What did Daddy-"

Oh.

"Daddy made it for me."

"He did," she grins, bites her lip. It's Castle's laptop with the title page for Felix. "Is Daddy going to read it to you?"

"Daddy is going to read it to everyone!" Dashiell jumps up and down in front of her, his face split wide with happiness. "Want to hear it?"

"I sure do," she says. Doesn't say she's already read it. Ellery scampers in from the living room, scrambling up Castle's legs like a monkey. He laughs and grabs for her, helps haul her up into his arms.

"Hey there, cricket." He jiggles her up and down, making her laugh, and she wraps her arms around him.

Kate slides her fingers through Dashiell's hair, pushing it off his forehead. The stitches look clean; she's almost gotten used to them. He's still grinning up at her, waiting for permission or something, and he wraps both hands around her arm, still bouncing on his toes. "Happy Birthday, Dashiell."

"Thanks, Mommy. I'm five."

"You are five."

"Daddy, can you read it now?" Dash twists out from under her hand.

"Everyone go back to the living room, and I'll read it." He leans over and hands off Ellery to Kate; she takes the girl and ushers Dashiell ahead of her towards the couch.

They all settle in tightly together, a Castle dogpile, Alexis half in Rafe's lap, Ellery in Kate's lap, Dashiell bouncing on Martha's knees, crawling over to Kate, then back to Papa - relentless and excited and unable to sit still.

Castle uses the ipad instead of his laptop to read, standing up in front of them like he's giving a performance. Kate shifts back until she can lean against the couch, her arms loose around Ella, and watches Dashiell's face.

Her birthday boy.

* * *

><p><em>Felix glared at the girl currently walking straight through his crime scene.<em>

_"What do you think you're doing?" he said._

_She turned and stared back at him. "Who are you?"_

_"Me? Who are you?" Felix growled, hands on his hips. The private library was quiet on this floor, but Felix hardly ever saw any other kids up here. Mostly adults._

_That made her his number one suspect._

_"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," she said, but she was glaring back at him like she thought she could take him._

_Yeah, right._

_"This is an ongoing investigation. You're gonna have to leave."_

_"You can't make me."_

_"I can too." He fisted his hands and stepped closer, hoping to herd her out._

_"Not nice to hit a girl," she smirked, turning on her heel and walking away from him, heading for the arm chair near the windows._

_His anger flared and he stalked after her, grabbing her by the backpack. "What are you doing up here? This is my spot."_

_"Let go of me," she hissed. "What do you think you're doing?"_

_"I'm in the middle of a case, and you're busting through my crime scene."_

_"A crime scene?" she snorted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Or your spot? Which is it?"_

_"Both," he said hotly. "And what are you doing up here?"_

_"This is _my_ spot," she said back, her jaw set as she stared him down. Behind the anger, Felix could see there was something else. He didn't know what, but she was keeping secrets._

_"Sorry I grabbed you," he said finally, letting go of her bag. "What's your name?"_

_"Apology accepted," she said, adjusting her backpack on her shoulders and giving him a silent glare, as if debating whether or not to tell him her name._

_He waited, then sighed. "My name's Felix. I - I usually sit up here to read. My dad drops me off while he does research. But - but something's happened."_

_Her eyes flickered past him to the radiator in front of the broad windows, the worn armchair, the metal bookshelves lining up past that._

_"What's happened?" she whispered._

_He stared at her until she scowled._

_"My name's Chandler. What's happened?"_

_He startled. "That's not a girl's name."_

_"It is now," she said, her cheeks flaming as she glared daggers at him. "I'm named after Raymond Chandler. An author. My mom likes detective stories."_

_"Oh." He stared at her, taking in the dark hair and blue eyes. She was nearly as tall as he was. "Sorry. Chandler. My - my mom_ is_ a detective._"

_Chandler smiled. "She is?"_

_He nodded, shrugged off her interest. He wasn't sure why he'd told her that. People usually acted funny when they knew his mom was a cop._

_But Chandler was looking past him to their spot. "So tell me what happened."_

_"Someone stole the 1920 first edition of one of my favorite books."_

_Her mouth dropped open. "Is it - it's not Glinda of Oz, is it? I - that's one of my favorites too."_

_Felix stepped back. This girl read the Oz series? The real ones and not just the movie? "Yeah. It is. It's gone."_

_The Mercantile Library had a wealth of amazing books - in fact, it was an exclusively fiction library, which meant that each book that Felix came across on every shelf was a fun story, an adventure, a mystery - none of those stuffy, journalist, research books his father wrote._

_"Someone stole the whole L. Frank Baum Oz series. The whole thing. Including the 1920 first edition," he said. His mom was the one who'd explained how special it was to have first editions at dad's library. A first edition was a book that had been printed first, back when the book came out, so it made it valuable and worth a lot of money. "Do you know what a first edition is worth?"_

_"Of course I do. But this is terrible. Who stole them?"_

_Felix lifted his chin, crossed his arms over his chest. "That's what I'm going to find out."_

_Chandler stared back, then narrowed her eyes at him. "Then I'm going to help."_

* * *

><p>The Trunk or Treat event at the church building just down the street from the surf shop is crowded with families. Martha wanted to dress up as a flower child from the 60s and she convinced Allie to match her. Rafe isn't as crazy about Halloween costumes as Castle might like, but he did dress up as a chef. Points for trying?<p>

He turns and grabs Dashiell's hand as the boy starts to dart away, looks to Kate. She's got little Queen Amidala in hand, keeping Ellery at her side.

"Ready for this?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Hey, Rafe and I can take one of them-" Allie says, coming up to them in her bell bottoms and flowery peasant shirt.

"Me, me!" Dashiell jumps up and down, his dinosaur tail swinging behind him. The dinosaur head fits over his like a hood, the teeth of the T-rex smiling. "My dog too?"

"No," Kate says. "The dog stays at the car." They've decorated the back of the SUV with more jungle stuff from Dashiell's party and parked it in the wide circle of vehicles in the parking lot of the church. Rex wags his tail at Dashiell's good-bye hug, nose to nose.

Ellery is shifting foot to foot, eager to get going. Castle glances over at the grandparents. "Mother - you mind staying at the car until we get back? Or someone spells you?"

"Sure, sure, go. I've got candy to give out." She waves them away and grabs a bag, ripping it open. Already, kids from the neighborhood and the church are lining up, passing by with their pillowcases and buckets held out, a parade of costumes.

Kate glances to Allie and Rafe then back to him, Ellery tugging on her hand to go. "Okay, well. Let's go."

Castle follows his wife and daughter down the row, Allie and Rafe going the opposite direction, leaving the grandparents at the car.

"Kelly dressed up," he says quietly to Kate.

She turns to look at him, lets Ellery's hand go. "Yeah. That's . . . it's nice."

"And your Dad seems happier."

"We talked a little bit."

"Good," he says, keeping his eye on Ellery as she fights for a spot next to bigger kids at the car. The husband and wife team have decorated the back of their van to look like the North Pole; they're dressed as Mr and Mrs Claus while their teenaged children are elves.

"When did you write that scene with Chandler and Felix?" Kate asks, nudging his shoulder and smiling over at him.

"You're wearing heels?" he realizes, glancing down.

She snorts. "Boots have heels. Focus, Castle. When'd you find time to write Chandler and Felix?"

"Ah." He rubs the side of his face, glances down her legs again. She's wearing what she termed space cowgirl - jeans, boots to her knees, brown coat - because she refused to dress up as the space prostitute and he said there was no way in hell she could go as a purplebelly from the show. He's in his usual browncoat duster, the boots, the suspenders - Dashiell's earlier costume in adult and finite detail.

"Castle?"

"I wrote it after - you know - after you woke me up."

She jerks towards him, surprise painting her eyes with light. "You - you did? On the laptop? I didn't hear you."

"You were out of it," he grins, leering at her. "Thoroughly satisfied if I do say so myself-"

She thwacks his chest with the back of her hand; he just grins, catches her fingers, kisses her thumb.

"So you wrote that last night."

"Or technically, early this morning. After you woke me up because you wanted my hot body."

She rolls her eyes, but she's blushing. "I really like it," she says, trails the back of her hand down his chest.

"My hot body? Yeah, I got that impression."

"Castle," she growls. "The scene. With Felix meeting Chandler. How can you - get it so right?"

"I'm just that good. You said that last night too-"

"Technically early this morning," she purrs, lifting her eyebrow.

Whew. It just got extremely hot under his brown coat. "Uh. What - what were you - what was the question?"

"Chandler was all Ellery. Like a ten year old, twelve year old version of her. How did you do that? I could picture her. Everything. I felt like I just saw my daughter grow up in front of me."

He shrugs at her, checking the crowd for said daughter. Ellery is stroking her fingers through the Santa's beard, patting his large belly. Castle winces and heads for her, tugging on her hand.

"Come on, Queen Amidala. More candy," he prompts. He lifts his eyes to the Santa and gives him an apologetic grimace. Santa looks unperturbed, hands out more candy to the kids behind Ellery. "This way, cricket."

Kate has moved to the next car - a station wagon filled with little Star Trek fans. Whole family. Wow. Castle keeps his hand on top of Ella's headpiece, steering her towards the candy. After a moment, she figures out where to stand in line and he lets go, heads back to Kate.

She slides her hand loosely through his arm. "You did good, Castle."

He turns in surprise, smiling at the sincerity in her voice - no edge, no mocking, no rolled-eyes - just earnestness. Like she's not sure she's ever told him that before and she needs him to know it.

"Thank you," he says back quietly. It's a little too public, too kid-friendly out here, but he wants to make a scene. She'd kill him. Still, he leans in and gives her a heartfelt kiss, sliding his tongue across the seam of her mouth.

She blinks at him, looks stunned for a second, then smiles slowly. "Rick. I want you to take this Black Pawn offer."

"What?"

"Black Pawn. Build the YA department, promote the Felix book. I want you to do that instead of coming back to the 12th with me."

He frowns at her, but his heart is pounding. Investing in Black Pawn, in Felix, has felt so right. . .

"But I want to come back with you. And you got Ellery into the three day a week class-"

"Which is perfect. You'll need those three days to focus entirely on Black Pawn. Especially at the beginning. Plus it gives Ellery a chance to hang out with her - her step-grandmother? Almost step-grandmother? What are we going to call Kelly?"

He cracks a grin at her, can't help the pride the flares in him, hot and fierce, for how much she's trying. "I don't know, babe. The kids will probably think of something. What do her grandkids call her?"

Kate's mouth drops open. "Oh. I never thought to ask. And - and that will mean - that gives Dash and Ellery . . . cousins. Step-cousins. But - still."

"Yeah, I think it does," he says softly, watching her face as she processes that. She turns a hesitant, lit-up smile to him.

"I like that."

He smiles back, glad for that. "I do too." Castle slides his hand down her arm and laces his fingers with hers. "I think I can make it work at the 12th, Kate."

She shakes her head and bumps her hip into his, moving him forward to the next car, following Ellery as she gets the hang of trick or treating from car trunk to trunk.

"I don't want that for you, Rick. I don't want both of us working like crazy." Her smile falters. "But I think it's time I really figure out a way to work less. I keep saying I will, but it feels like I go back and get sucked down into it again."

"Since Ellery was born, Kate, you've done a great job. You've made it home in time for the kids' dinner at least three times a week."

She shrugs her shoulders and bites her bottom lip. "But - but these victims? They're dead, Castle. And my family is alive, and here, and you guys need me."

"We do."

She gives him a small smile. "So I've got to be with my family more. Having you at the 12th would relieve my guilt, but it wouldn't actually solve the imbalance. I need to come home at five, not miss out on stuff."

"Kate, you can always go back to the precinct once the kids are in bed. I know it sucks, but it would-"

"And when would I see you?" she sighs, shaking her head. "If it's a big case, and there's a lot of pressure, okay, maybe. That's a solution. But since you're going to be busier now, with Black Pawn, I've got to figure out how to meet you halfway."

Well. Okay. That's true. He's been the flexible one for all of their marriage, the one who can drop everything and get the kids. "That's a good point. I can foresee a lot of late meetings as I try to force changes on Black Pawn."

She nods, her fingers stretching in his. Ellery comes running back to them, holding out her Halloween bucket. "Mommy. Mommy. Look."

Kate bends over and inspects her haul; Castle watches her a moment and tries to figure out the best thing to say to her. But he really has nothing. No way to fix this. It's just the work of life, making it balance out, making it.

When Ellery runs off to the next car with her bucket knocking against her knees, Castle slides his hand around Kate's waist, tugs on her hip. She stands apart from him, gives him a look.

"Whatever happens, with Black Pawn or the 12th, it's okay. We'll figure out how to balance everything."

"Mommy!"

They both turn and find Dashiell running for them, excitement stretched across his face, the dinosaur head pushed back, the tail swinging. Allie and Rafe are behind him, hand in hand.

"Mommy, I got so much candy, and some of it's kinds I never even seen before!" He stops in front of them with a little jump, and then holds up his bucket to her. "See the kinds?"

"I see baby. You have to let me or Daddy look at it before you eat any, remember?"

"I know, but can you look at this one?" He opens his palm and shows her a mini Snickers, gives her a hopeful look.

Castle plucks it out of his hand and runs his fingers over it, pries open the wrapper, gives Dashiell the chocolate. "I looked at it. It's good."

He pops the whole thing in his mouth, chewing, as Kate nudges Castle. He glances at her and shrugs.

"This is the best Halloween birthday!" Dashiell says, and then turns around and grabs Allie's free hand, dragging them both off.

"You hear that? The best birthday," Castle laughs, grinning over at Kate.

She gives him that faint, passing smile, the one that says she's thinking too much. Still thinking.

"Smile, Kate." He takes her hand, space cowgirl, draws her in closer to his side. "You got this."

She ducks in, kisses the corner of his mouth; he can feel the smile starting there, spreading across her face, her lips moving to his ear.

"We got this," she says, and kisses him again.


	100. Chapter 100

Now he's five.

Dashiell can already tell it's better like this. Being five is round, has more for him, more words to it. It means there are five things to do in the morning, and he already knows this morning what he needs to do.

Pack up to go home.

He loves the beach, and the big waves, and the sand beasts, and the ice cream, ooh, and the awesome pool with the fountains. But he really wants to go home now.

He wants his bed and his building; he misses the street and all the people always around, his preschool class and his teacher, and the smell of the subway grate right outside Mommy's work. He misses playing in the study and listening to Daddy write at his desk.

Dash jostles his dog awake and then climbs over the side of the bunk bed, down the ladder, and to the floor. Ellie is still sleeping, and the dog whines at him, but he's got to pee really bad.

He washes his hands and stands on tiptoe to look at himself in the mirror. He looks like a five year old now too. He looks like Daddy, but he doesn't have the same scrunched up eyes that Daddy has when he smiles. He has eyes that are just like Mommy's - she says it's a crime that a boy should have such beautiful eyelashes, and he moans at her for saying it, and then she pretends to arrest him and put him in jail.

Dash creeps through the bathroom to his own room where his people are still sleeping. But one bed is empty. It looks squashed up, both of them together, but they seem okay. Maybe it's like a Castle dogpile but with only Allie and Rafe piled up. Dash likes dogpiles, so that makes sense.

Mommy said he could pack stuff when he got up, but he needs clothes to wear. That's the next thing when he gets up in the morning - find clothes. From the bottom drawer, he pulls out shorts and a black tshirt Mommy got him for his birthday - it has a tie printed on it, so it looks like he's wearing a grey-striped tie. It's very cool. It's like dressing up as Daddy when Daddy has to go to meetings or when Mommy and Daddy have a date.

He sneaks back to Ellery's room and the dog is whining at him still from the top bunk.

"Stay, Rex. I'll get help," he whispers. He slings his pajamas up on the top bunk and his pants land on Rex. He laughs and Rex wags his tail, making them fall.

Dashiell creeps out of Ellery's room and down the hallway. His Papa and Ms Kelly and Gram spent the night with them the other night, but they rented the condo right next door for last night. So he doesn't have to worry about waking Mommy and Daddy on the couch when he watches tv; they're back in their room.

He finds the remote and turns on the tv, has his finger poised on the volume button, but it's already low. The perfect number - 11 - for quiet. He flips through the guide until he finds cartoons and then Dash tosses the remote back to the ouch and remembers.

"Oh, my dog."

He steps up to Mommy and Daddy's door and presses his nose to the crack, listening as he breathes in, smelling the smells - paint and wood and sand and ocean. No sounds. He remembers a five on the clock, so Mommy won't be too sad if he comes and gets her.

Daddy is no good. Daddy doesn't make any sense if the number is in the fives.

He wraps his fingers around the door knob and turns it slowly, leaning against the door to make it creak less. It's still dark in the room and he can see them asleep in the bed as shadows, layers of more solid dark over the slippery dark of too early in the morning.

Dashiell comes into the room and makes his way to Mommy's side, trips over a bowl and a bottle of chocolate sauce. Mommy and Daddy had ice cream from his birthday party! No fair. When he gets to the bed, Mommy isn't on her side. She's over there and - flipped. Dash tilts his head and turns his body, and realizes Mommy is upside down. Like Ellery does sometimes, with her head where the feet are supposed to go.

And so is Daddy. Funny.

Dash climbs up on the bed and over his daddy, crawls in between them. Mommy is facing him, her hair all over, and the sheets pulled up. On his hands and knees, Dash leans down over her.

"Mommy."

She's very still for a moment, like she always does, and then her eyes dart back and forth under her eyelids. Then she wakes, struggles with it, and he has to help her again.

"Mommy."

Her eyes open. Her fingers curl out from the sheet, lift to his cheek as she looks at him. And then she knows. "Baby, what time is it?"

"Five."

Her eyes slide back down, but that's okay. Mommy doesn't go back to sleep like Daddy always does. "Mm. Why are you in here?"

"My dog is stuck."

She looks at him again, then blinks a long blink, like she's remembering. "Oh."

"Can you get him down?"

"I - uh - I don't know, baby. Let me - get on some clothes and come figure it out."

"What happened to your pajamas?" he asks, scooting back down on the bed and rolling over her to drop off the side. "Did they get all sweaty and you have to take them off? I have to do that sometimes."

She laughs and he glances back at her, surprised. She slides an arm out and catches him by the neck, but her fingers are gentle. "That's exactly it, Dash. How's your second day of being five?"

"It's great. I need my dog."

She grins and nods at him. "Go, go. I'll be there in a second."

Dashiell runs for the door. Mommy never falls back asleep; she always comes. He's not worried.

The tv is on commercials, so he heads for Ellery's room to reassure his dog.

* * *

><p>It's already today.<p>

Ellery sighs and watches Mommy pull out the pink skirt with the ruffly pockets. Pockets for things. One by one, hide them in the ruffly pink pockets. But she wants the purple tights, so she slides off the bed and leans against Mommy, reaches for purple.

"Mm, that's my favorite color too," Mommy says, kissing her cheek. "Okay. Purple tights, pink skirt. What shirt, cricket?"

She peers over Mommy's shoulder and into the suitcase. Already. Already time to go. She doesn't want to go.

"How about this one?"

Black with stuff in swirls down the front. She shakes her head.

"Mm, what about this?"

No.

"Then you pick something."

"This," she says, and reaches for the striped shirt, white and blue, like the sky. Mommy takes it and helps her pull it on; she beams at her as her head comes through the hole. "Thanks, Mommy."

"No problem. Where are your shoes?"

She shrugs and drifts to the door, peers out, down the hall. No shoes.

"Maybe Dash packed them up on accident?"

Ellie scowls and gives her brother - all the way in the living room - the mean eyes. He doesn't notice. T-Rex swishes his tail and comes for her instead, bounding down the hallway. She throws open her arms and they tackle each other.

"Oh, careful, careful. Ella, honey, don't hang on his neck."

Rex licks her all over, wriggling, and she giggles at all the tickling of his fur and tongue. Mommy is trying to push through the door, and they both knock over, Rex on top of her.

"You okay, cricket?"

She laughs and opens her eyes, sees Mommy smiling over her. Ellie raises her arms for Mommy, gets scooped up.

"I okay."

Mommy's kisses go all over her neck and cheeks and eyelids, making her laugh again. She grabs Mommy's ears and tries to breathe past the funny feeling.

"I know you don't want to leave, baby girl. But we've had a really great vacation. Time to go back home."

Ellie wraps her arms around Mommy's neck and lets herself be taken to the living room. Mommy drops her on the couch with a bounce, and she laughs again, wriggling up to sit with Mommy.

Oh! "Shoes, Mommy. There - there."

Dashiell sees them first and snatches them up, comes running to Mommy with them. Ellie sticks her feet out and wiggles her toes, grinning.

"Little piggies went to market," Dash crows, grabbing for her feet. "Wee, wee, wee! All the way home."

Ella grunts and pushes him away with her foot, wrinkling her nose at him. Mommy grabs her by the ankles and twists her around, feet now in Mommy's lap. "Be nice to your brother."

"Toes. Not piggies," she says, sticking her tongue out.

Daddy leans over the back of the couch and taps her tongue. She tastes chocolate and looks up.

Daddy is making pancakes for leaving day. "Daddy!"

"Chocolate chip pancakes, cricket. Gotta be a good girl. Rafe and Allie have already eaten. Just you guys."

"I already ate too," her big brother says, bouncing on his toes in front of her. "Just you and Mommy."

Ella sneaks a look at Mommy, but she's giving her a big huge smile. Happy smile. Ellie grins back and curls her toes as Mommy ties the last shoe into a bow.

"Hi, Mommy."

"Hey, sweetheart. Ready to eat pancakes? We let you sleep late, but we really need to go soon."

All her stuff is in the suitcase. Oh. Except - not- "Totoro?"

"He's here. Daddy put him in your backpack. That way he goes with you on the plane."

"Okay." She pulls her feet back and climbs into Mommy's lap, curls up around her, burying her face in Mommy's so-soft hair. Her mommy hugs her nice and tight, stands up and takes them both to the table where she can already smell pancakes. Yummy.

Dashy is dancing around them and running into Rex and Daddy until Daddy sends him out with Rafe to load the car. Mommy tries to put her in a seat, but she wraps her legs around Mommy's waist and holds on.

"Okay, baby girl. Sit with me and eat then."

Ellery hums a song and wriggles down in Mommy's lap, feeling warm and sleepy and good. Like when they played in the sand and got in the ocean and then came back up and she got in bed, and it was all floating and rocking like the waves. Mommy is good like that.

"Want syrup?"

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "No."

"Me either. Good girl. Here, Rafe got us some strawberries. Eat 'em up, baby girl. We'll take the rest with us on the plane."

Ellie uses two fingers to pop a piece of strawberry in her mouth, hums the song again as she sucks on the fruit, mushes it up with her tongue.

"Eat pancakes, _srce moje_."

"_Kako se kaže_ strawberry?"

Mommy jumps, clutches Ellery too tight, but she's getting twisted around to look at Mommy. "Baby - I - did you ask me how to say strawberry? Say it again."

"_Kako se kaže - _you learned me that, Mommy."

"I - I did. My smart girl. I didn't know you remembered it. Strawberry is _jagoda._"

Ellie gnaws on the _jagoda_ and lets it swirl around in her mouth, her head. "_Jagoda."_

"_Da._"

Yes to strawberry. _Da_ inside strawberry. Yes inside _jagoda._ Pretty. "I like."

"You do?"

She sings a little, a Mommy song, with words that are funny. Mommy hums with her, sings softly, and kisses her cheek, picks up a piece of pancake and tries to make Ellie eat it. She turns her head and eats more _jagode_ instead.

"Eat, cricket. You'll be hungry on the plane. It's nearly lunch time."

She picks up a pancake and licks a chocolate chip off, half-melty, soft. Mm. Good. "Daddy?"

"He's packing the car. I need you to finish your food."

"Take some with me," she says instead.

"They'll be cold."

"I like cold."

"Okay, Ellery. I know you're sad about leaving, but I need you to eat some. Just some. I'll put the rest in a plastic bag and put it in your backpack. But you need to eat at least two of these."

Ellie glances at her plate - their plate, because Mommy shared with her - and picks up one. "Him a little one."

Mommy laughs and kisses her neck. "Yeah, a little one. Eat two of the little ones, _srce moje."_

"Mmm, pancake?"

"_Palačinka."_

"_Palačinka. _Same same." Ellie claps and wriggles in Mommy's lap, grabs her cup of milk with both hands, lifts it to drink some. It's good. Strawberry milk. Daddy makes good strawberry milk.

"You got it all over your mouth." Mommy rubs a napkin over Ellie's lips and she presses back into Mommy's chest, squirming. "Okay. One more pancake -_ palačinka - _and then we need to get your backpack and check to make sure we have everything for our drive to the airport."

One more. One more. She can do it.

Ellie crams a baby one into her mouth and chews, humming the song again. Oh, the words. There they are. "_It's the colors you have. No need to be sad. You still have your_ . . .Mommy? Still have what?"

"Oh, in the song? I think it's '_You still have your health_.' But it doesn't really sound like it, does it?"

"No. _You still have your hair-air_," she sing-songs.

Mommy laughs, brushes a hand through Ellie's hair and pulls it up off her neck. "Want me to braid your hair for the plane? Allie's got hers braided too."

Ellery bounces in Mommy's lap. "Ooh, yes. Yes, yes." She turns around, dropping the _jagoda_ on the plate and wrapping both arms around her mommy.

"Okay, cricket. Let's brush teeth and braid your hair. And then get ready to go."

"Don't forget my _palačinke._" Ellie squirms down to the floor and runs for the bathroom. Mommy is going to braid her hair just like Allie's. It will be so pretty.

Even if it means they have to leave the beach.

* * *

><p>"Bye beach," Ellery says as the car leaves the parking lot.<p>

Dash watches her wave out the window and snorts. "That's not the beach. That's our condo."

Ellery glares at him and Mommy turns around in the seat, tugs on his foot. "Leave your sister alone. She's sad to be leaving."

"But we had fun. Why is she sad?"

"I'm sad too. It's just what happens when you've had a good time and you don't want to stop having a good time."

"Oh. But - but Mommy?" He scrunches up his face. "Don't you have a good time at home too?"

Daddy laughs and Mommy gives Dash one of the really good smiles - warm in his chest and making everything sunny. "I have a great time at home, baby. Don't worry."

"Then why be sad?"

"Because it was special. And I didn't have to go to work. We played and got to spend time with Allie and Rafe too."

"Oh. Yeah. I don't want them to go back to Chicago."

"Yeah, it's all of that. But I'm very glad you're not sad."

"Ellie, you sad?" He leans over and checks his baby sister, but she's got Totoro hugged against her chest. Huh. "Daddy? Are you sad?"

"Nope."

Dash grins and bounces in his seat. "Yeah! Home is fun too. And home has my bed. And now I've got my dog."

"Well, yeah, but I'm not sad about leaving because I'm excited about the things we're going to do when we get home."

"What we do, Daddy?" Ellie asks softly.

Mommy turns to Daddy, takes one of his hands. They hold hands alllll the time. "Yeah, Daddy," she says, and her voice is so very quiet that Dash almost can't hear it. "What are we going to do when we get home?"

"Love each other," Daddy says. Mommy squeezes his hand and smiles at him, but-

That's a stupid answer.

"Can we play dinosaurs instead?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for loving the Castle family I've envisioned! I have enjoyed hearing all of your ideas and comments and feedback and awws - loved seeing new people come along for the ride, and long-time fans get pulled even deeper into this world.**

**So don't worry. The third Dash Epic is titled Mad Dash. I'll start posting it after the season finale. In the meantime, I have four different companion pieces. Between Dash Away and Dash It All, we had the Light series. And so between Dash It All and Mad Dash we will have the Life series. The first one will be posted this week: Proof of Life.**


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